jbanana Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 Hello im a new aro here!!! ive just recently figured myself out, as one could say, and it’s so awesome to scroll through this forum and feel so accepted. Thanks a ton for being such an accepting and kind community of people for new folks like me to integrate into! ❤️ 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 3 hours ago, jbanana said: Hello im a new aro here!!! ive just recently figured myself out, as one could say, and it’s so awesome to scroll through this forum and feel so accepted. Thanks a ton for being such an accepting and kind community of people for new folks like me to integrate into! ❤️ Welcome! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Looking back a female friend asked me if I could see us having sex and I said no. My reasoning when she asked why was that we weren't in a relationship. As much as I liked being with her, I didn't want to get 'too close' to her. I think I was afraid that if I had sex with her, that would 'seal the deal' and I would be stuck with her. (yes I know that sounds horrible). It was probably four years after this that I found out about asexuality, which I immediately identified as . I didn't actually know what aromantic meant until late last year, even though I had been on AVEN for almost two years. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 13 hours ago, jbanana said: Hello im a new aro here!!! ive just recently figured myself out, as one could say, and it’s so awesome to scroll through this forum and feel so accepted. Thanks a ton for being such an accepting and kind community of people for new folks like me to integrate into! ❤️ Welcome to AVEN! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady.Saturnina.94 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I'm demiromantic. I have experienced romantic attraction only once in my life, and it was for a close friend of mine (and ex-boyfriend). Long before I knew anything about asexuality and aromanticity, I thought that sexual attraction and romantic attraction were the same thing. Though looking back at the few times I have had a "crush" on someone I would want to be with the person I was attracted to, but not in a romantic way- like it was an odd mixture of platonic attraction with a sprinkling of sexual attraction. My experiences do make sense knowing that I am also an aceflux bisexual person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 On 6/19/2019 at 8:49 AM, Lady.Saturnina.94 said: aceflux ??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady.Saturnina.94 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 8 hours ago, Homer said: ??? Aceflux means that a person's sexual orientation shifts from asexual to an allosexual orientation and back again. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 16 minutes ago, Lady.Saturnina.94 said: Aceflux means that a person's sexual orientation shifts from asexual to an allosexual orientation and back again. I don't think I have to worry about that happening. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 34 minutes ago, Lady.Saturnina.94 said: Aceflux means that a person's sexual orientation shifts from asexual to an allosexual orientation and back again. Sooo... not asexual. Got it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iyote Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 21 minutes ago, Lady.Saturnina.94 said: Aceflux means that a person's sexual orientation shifts from asexual to an allosexual orientation and back again. Can someone clue me in on the difference between aceflux and graysexual? (I'm just very confused, sorry. I know it isn't really fair to interrogate you on the details of orientations just because you happen to have a lesser-known one.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady.Saturnina.94 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 57 minutes ago, iyote said: Can someone clue me in on the difference between aceflux and graysexual? (I'm just very confused, sorry. I know it isn't really fair to interrogate you on the details of orientations just because you happen to have a lesser-known one.) Well, aceflux is basically a fluid form of gray-asexuality. GLAAD even mentions it in this article: https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community 1 hour ago, Homer said: Sooo... not asexual. Got it GLAAD says that aceflux is an asexual identity. Please read the article. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 2 minutes ago, Lady.Saturnina.94 said: GLAAD says that aceflux is an asexual identity. Please read the article. They lost me at "asexual spectrum". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GentlemanCambrioleur Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Homer said: They lost me at "asexual spectrum". Gender is a spectrum, so why not aces? We come in so many different variations that I don't think it's a bad way of categorizing it. It's really helpful actually, considering we COULD measure acehood based on differing levels of sexual attraction. (considering some of us feel literally 0 percent, demisexuals, people who are attracted to fictional characters/celebrities (safe attractions) but no genuine attraction to real humans. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Just now, GentlemanCambrioleur said: It's really helpful actually, considering we COULD measure acehood based on differing levels of sexual attraction. How many different levels of "no" are there? I don't know anything about gender, so I can't really draw a comparison to that... but neither aromanticism nor asexuality make sense as a "spectrum". It may be that people's interest in one or the other activity spikes at some point, but in what way is that a-something? It's logically impossible. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iyote Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 21 hours ago, GentlemanCambrioleur said: Gender is a spectrum, so why not aces? We come in so many different variations that I don't think it's a bad way of categorizing it. It's really helpful actually, considering we COULD measure acehood based on differing levels of sexual attraction. (considering some of us feel literally 0 percent, demisexuals, people who are attracted to fictional characters/celebrities (safe attractions) but no genuine attraction to real humans. The way I see it, sexuality is a spectrum, asexuality is a point on that spectrum, and "a-spec" is the bit of that spectrum that's close to asexuality. The asexual community includes both asexuals and a-spec people. Like this: But the definition of asexuality is 0 sexual attraction. That's not a spectrum within itself. Asexuality is part of a-spec, but a-spec people are not necessarily asexual. I think it's a bit confusing to call a-spec people "asexual," because it can contradict the definition of asexual. But I also think it's counterproductive to exclude a-spec people from the asexual community, since we experience a lot of the same things. So I guess I'd agree that graysexual identities are asexual identities, but only in that they belong in the asexual community. I'd disagree that someone who is graysexual is asexual because it contradicts the generally agreed-upon definition of asexuality. (Honestly, because I don't think asexuality is a spectrum, I'd rather use the term "gray-spec" rather than "a-spec", because "a-spec" does technically stand for "asexual spectrum." But I opted for using that term in this post because it's what everyone uses. My ideal diagram, however, would be the following.) Oh, also, thanks for the link, @Lady.Saturnina.94. It was helpful. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady.Saturnina.94 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 6 minutes ago, iyote said: Oh, also, thanks for the link, @Lady.Saturnina.94. It was helpful. You're welcome. And I do see where you're coming from on a-spec identities and asexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GentlemanCambrioleur Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 18 hours ago, iyote said: The way I see it, sexuality is a spectrum, asexuality is a point on that spectrum, and "a-spec" is the bit of that spectrum that's close to asexuality. The asexual community includes both asexuals and a-spec people. Like this: But the definition of asexuality is 0 sexual attraction. That's not a spectrum within itself. Asexuality is part of a-spec, but a-spec people are not necessarily asexual. I think it's a bit confusing to call a-spec people "asexual," because it can contradict the definition of asexual. But I also think it's counterproductive to exclude a-spec people from the asexual community, since we experience a lot of the same things. So I guess I'd agree that graysexual identities are asexual identities, but only in that they belong in the asexual community. I'd disagree that someone who is graysexual is asexual because it contradicts the generally agreed-upon definition of asexuality. (Honestly, because I don't think asexuality is a spectrum, I'd rather use the term "gray-spec" rather than "a-spec", because "a-spec" does technically stand for "asexual spectrum. But I opted for using that term in this post because it's what everyone uses. My ideal diagram, however, would be the following.) Oh, also, thanks for the link, @Lady.Saturnina.94. It was helpful. I guess that makes sense, with sexuality being a spectrum. I think that if someone wanted to use a-spec for themselves though, that wouldn't be a problem. It's kinda a complicated identity issue, isn't it? Though I've heard of some demisexuals/graysexuals consider them a part of the ace community... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iyote Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, GentlemanCambrioleur said: I think that if someone wanted to use a-spec for themselves though, that wouldn't be a problem. It's kinda a complicated identity issue, isn't it? Yes. I used the term a-spec in that comment because I know it's a common one that people use a lot. I'm not trying to take that from anybody. 2 hours ago, GentlemanCambrioleur said: Though I've heard of some demisexuals/graysexuals consider them a part of the ace community... Also yes. I made a point to specify that in my comment. (I used graysexual as an a-spec umbrella term here in the second sentence. You can read it as a-spec.) 20 hours ago, iyote said: But I also think it's counterproductive to exclude a-spec people from the asexual community, since we experience a lot of the same things. So I guess I'd agree that graysexual identities are asexual identities, but only in that they belong in the asexual community. & note the "Asexual community" bit in my diagram thingy: 20 hours ago, iyote said: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, GentlemanCambrioleur said: I've heard of some demisexuals/graysexuals consider them a part of the ace community... The community and the definition are two different things. Also, just because something is abbreviated ("a-spec"), it doesn't suddenly gain any more logical sense... demi and grey folks are closer to the asexual end of the sexual spectrum, but that doesn't change the fact that by definition, "a" is not a "spec". It's not that complicated if we stick to what words actually mean 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LemonCupcakes Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Hey guys, I’m relatively new. It’s really cool that there are so many people here - I love that this forum/thread exists 💕 Also, @iyote, that diagram was really helpful for me - thank you! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaintPhilomena Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) @Homer Well I’ve definitely seen definitions of asexuality as “experiencing little to no sexual attraction” which definitely indicates a spectrum as apart of the definition of asexuality, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be a spectrum indicated for aromantics as well since some definitions for aromanticism are very similar. Definitions are useful and valuable things not because they are unchanging but because they help identify something in our language and help us understand something. So I would say that implying a spectrum within ace and aro definitions is helpful and a more honest definition. After all, no two ace or aro people are alike. Maybe you experience some attraction once in your entire life, and up to that point you thought you were completely asexual. And then you don't experience that attraction again. It would be very confusing and possibly upsetting to have to “unlabel” yourself as asexual entirely or change your identity to something more aspec like gray ace or demisexual. It doesn’t make sense in that case to change based on a rigid definition because 99.9% of the time you’re completely asexual, and it would be misleading to others and yourself to then identify as a demisexual or gray ace. Also there is another spectrum within ace and aro communities that already exists, based on their comfort with sexual/romantically coded activities. Some aces are sex repulsed and some aces are sex neutral and some are sex positive. I personally am romance repulsed in that sense, but some aromantics are perfectly comfortable or even enjoy romantic activities. Edited June 24, 2019 by SaintPhilomena 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 3 hours ago, LemonCupcakes said: Hey guys, I’m relatively new. It’s really cool that there are so many people here - I love that this forum/thread exists 💕 Also, @iyote, that diagram was really helpful for me - thank you! Welcome LemonCupcakes! It sure is nice to have an aromantic thread, and there's also arocalypse as well that you might find interesting. It is like AVEN however it is unfortunately much less active. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 tfw ppl talk about going on blind dates and ur just like y tho 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 9 hours ago, questdrivencollie said: tfw ppl talk about going on blind dates and ur just like y tho Yep, it involves so many things I don't really want, like leaving the house and meeting a stranger, coupled with the obligaion to come up with a somewhat fruitful conversation. To each their own, but it's a nope from me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Green and Purple Dragon Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 On 6/26/2019 at 11:42 PM, questdrivencollie said: tfw ppl talk about going on blind dates and ur just like y tho Yeah! It breaks so many rules. You have no idea who this person is, and the first thing you do is have a date? Tbh, I bet this is an aromantic thing, but I don’t think a person should focus on love when first meeting someone. Make sure they’re a like-able character first? You don’t even know the basics about them yet! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 8 hours ago, Green and Purple Dragon said: Tbh, I bet this is an aromantic thing, but I don’t think a person should focus on love when first meeting someone. Make sure they’re a like-able character first? You don’t even know the basics about them yet! It is aro thing I'm sure. Romantic seems to be the other way around, you are supposed to 'fall in love' before you realize you actually dislike them as a person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Another thing I don't get is when people talk about how they need a romantic relationship and that not having one makes them feel hurt, or that they feel an intense longing. Not necessarily an aro feeling, I guess, since not all alloromantic people feel like they need a relationship, but.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DogObsessedLi Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 On 7/1/2019 at 9:52 PM, Marcin said: It is aro thing I'm sure. Romantic seems to be the other way around, you are supposed to 'fall in love' before you realize you actually dislike them as a person. Oh, "love at first sight" I'm like, what!!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DogObsessedLi Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 I wanted to gauge aro people's thoughts on here. I organise a local A-spec social group for both aros and aces. Some members are both aro and ace, others or one but not the other, and overall I refuse to gatekeep and accept anyone who will "benefit from an A-spec social group whatever related queer orientation they are". At the moment the name is Liverpool and Wirral Asexuality Social Group, and I mention aromantic in the description. I want the name to be searchable by anyone local who could benefit from the group, which is why the name is so important. I have thought about adding aromantic into the name but then wonder if it then suggests that it's for those who are aromantic AND asexual, which is not the case. I haven't been able to think up a solution so I thought I'd post on here to see if anyone else has any better ideas. I have to bear in mind what people will search for, so I would call it Liverpool and Wirral A-Spec social group but that doesn't help anyone searching (and potentially could be mixed up with autism spectrum). I already say Liverpool and Wirral instead of Merseyside due to searchability, but I am aware that aromantic isn't mentioned in the name. If anyone has any helpful suggestions I'll be very grateful! Thanks. Liverpool and Wirral Asexual and Aromantic Social is the best I've thought of but I am concerned with being "both only" implicated. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AllTimeBubble Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, LizLianne said: I wanted to gauge aro people's thoughts on here. I organise a local A-spec social group for both aros and aces. Some members are both aro and ace, others or one but not the other, and overall I refuse to gatekeep and accept anyone who will "benefit from an A-spec social group whatever related queer orientation they are". At the moment the name is Liverpool and Wirral Asexuality Social Group, and I mention aromantic in the description. I want the name to be searchable by anyone local who could benefit from the group, which is why the name is so important. I have thought about adding aromantic into the name but then wonder if it then suggests that it's for those who are aromantic AND asexual, which is not the case. I haven't been able to think up a solution so I thought I'd post on here to see if anyone else has any better ideas. I have to bear in mind what people will search for, so I would call it Liverpool and Wirral A-Spec social group but that doesn't help anyone searching (and potentially could be mixed up with autism spectrum). I already say Liverpool and Wirral instead of Merseyside due to searchability, but I am aware that aromantic isn't mentioned in the name. If anyone has any helpful suggestions I'll be very grateful! Thanks. Liverpool and Wirral Asexual and Aromantic Social is the best I've thought of but I am concerned with being "both only" implicated. Asexuals and Aromantics might make them seem more separate because of the plural? Other than that I have no clue. The group sounds amazing though, I wish I lived closer to Liverpool so I could attend 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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