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Lambda Corvus

The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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AllTimeBubble
1 hour ago, mexicanpotato said:

 

 

 

I've never had a crush, I don't get why someone would want to kiss other person in the mouth (gross for me)

I relate, like who decided that kissing is a thing, who were the first people to sit and say "oh, what a good idea, putting lips together, yay saliva" I dont get the appeal.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza
48 minutes ago, AllTimeBubble said:

I relate, like who decided that kissing is a thing, who were the first people to sit and say "oh, what a good idea, putting lips together, yay saliva" I dont get the appeal.

Trust me, I didn't get it either, but then it just sorta... happened. Best I can say is that it was an instinct, though whether that's true or not I don't know.

 

Obviously not with a human, but still.

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PittAce92
On 4/10/2019 at 4:19 PM, mexicanpotato said:

Hello people

I'm 16, ace and 99% sure I'm aromantic

I've never had a crush, I don't get why someone would want to kiss other person in the mouth (gross for me), I also don't get why someone would want a romantic relationship or how someone can have strong romantic feelings for someone. When my friends talk about their crushes or boyfriends I simply don't have nothing to add to the conversation but "I haven't had a crush" and when they try to get me someone or bother me with a fake crush I'm like "I really don't care about this because I don't want any of this"

Sooo, I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic and I guess I'm just trying to get some validation or something like people with similar experiences...

Whatever, thanks for reading my crazy ramble, hope you understand it 

As I always tell everyone, my disclaimer is you know yourself more than anyone else, so what I say does not need to be taken as a final opinion. :) 

 

However, what you describe is best what I describe my own experiences towards my final conclusion for my own aromanticism: 1) Do not care for a relationship ; 2) Don't desire the continuous relationship needs (kissing, etc.); 3) Prefer friendships and family. Really for me, 1) was the deciding factor, but 2) also plays into it. Number 3) is somewhat related, but just confirms that is really all I need and want.

 

So, based on what you have said here about yourself, I would 100% agree with your personal decision! :) 

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mexicanpotato
12 hours ago, PittAce92 said:

As I always tell everyone, my disclaimer is you know yourself more than anyone else, so what I say does not need to be taken as a final opinion. :) 

 

However, what you describe is best what I describe my own experiences towards my final conclusion for my own aromanticism: 1) Do not care for a relationship ; 2) Don't desire the continuous relationship needs (kissing, etc.); 3) Prefer friendships and family. Really for me, 1) was the deciding factor, but 2) also plays into it. Number 3) is somewhat related, but just confirms that is really all I need and want.

 

So, based on what you have said here about yourself, I would 100% agree with your personal decision! :) 

Thanks for replying :)

I finally accepted that I'm aro and now everything makes sense haha, t feels like when I discovered I was ace

I'm not planning on telling anyone mainly because that doesn't change who I am cos I have always been like this, anyone who knows me wknows that I say "I haven't had a crush/I'm planning on being single forever/Dogs are the love of my life" like 5000 times a week sooo

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PittAce92
On 4/14/2019 at 11:53 AM, mexicanpotato said:

Thanks for replying :)

I finally accepted that I'm aro and now everything makes sense haha, t feels like when I discovered I was ace

I'm not planning on telling anyone mainly because that doesn't change who I am cos I have always been like this, anyone who knows me wknows that I say "I haven't had a crush/I'm planning on being single forever/Dogs are the love of my life" like 5000 times a week sooo

No problem! :) 

 

In other posts around the forum, I stated it was easy for me to tell my parents just because they didn't care about having grandkids. So, in other words, tell only if it is comfortable for you to do so. Also, I like the attitude you take by stating "that doesn't change who I am cos I have always been like this". Either way, no matter what someone says it is all what you believe based on your own evidence, so that makes it even more relevant!

 

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AppallingBlob
On 4/10/2019 at 6:09 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

I relate, like who decided that kissing is a thing, who were the first people to sit and say "oh, what a good idea, putting lips together, yay saliva" I dont get the appeal.

 

Honestly, even if I wasn't aro, I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't wanna kiss anyone. If only because of the ick factor.

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Eveelowthwaite
On 4/8/2019 at 7:49 PM, WoodwindWhistler said:

Well I tend towards "if you're in a bad relationship see if you can try counseling first" because otherwise the person who may be causing the trouble is just going to get left over and over, hurt people over and over, and the suffering continues and probably worsens due to that repeating. 

I don't recall what exactly the percentage is of successful change of abusers through intervention programs, but most people go by conventional wisdom that it isn't even possible, which is flat out incorrect. 

Some people have anxiety issues. Some people have anger issues. It's all a matter of treatment and willingness to try. 

I get that but when your friend’s a legit counselor herself and has tried getting her husband to do something productive like therapy or support groups and he’s refusing every offer of help all the while treating her less well then she deserves and trading his alcohol problem for a edibles problem, it’s time to end things.

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Eveelowthwaite
On 1/19/2014 at 9:22 AM, Lambda Corvus said:

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

Im 34 and only realized that I’m aromantic within the last year.  Prior to realizing this I found Bella De Paulo who studies and writes about people who are as she calls them single at heart. Who live their best lives independent of coupled relationships. I imagine that there are aromantics who enjoy being single as well as those who want to have a partner in life. I’m the single at heart type. I enjoy lots and lots of time alone, a small collection of friends, and a best friend/soulmate who’s very happily married to someone who’s not me. I can’t imagine plunking a person into my day to day life cause they’d eff up my routine. I’m happy to never need to meet a partners family, to never divide my time between their friends and mine, and to make all my decisions independently without consideration of anyone else’s ideas or opinions. No, I’m much better off single.

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DogObsessedLianne

Hi! I've just found this thread. I'm aro ace. Well, I started off being a "rubbish bisexual", then a "rubbish biromantic" once I understood about asexuality. Then I went through a tonne of grey-aro labels trying to understand myself (there's probably multiple threads on here started by me as I've tried to get my head around "romantic attraction"!)

 

I've been in multiple romantic relationships, but that was when I thought it was the done thing. If anything I treated them all in the same light as I treated best friends at school. I've never really understood more than that thinking that that was the "romantic norm"!!! I'm now in a QPR with a romantic woman who understands that I come from the "committed best friend approach". Ultimately I just want a "partner in crime" though I also know others who want a house of housemates.

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Tintenfeder
2 hours ago, LizLianne said:

Hi! I've just found this thread. I'm aro ace. Well, I started off being a "rubbish bisexual", then a "rubbish biromantic" once I understood about asexuality. Then I went through a tonne of grey-aro labels trying to understand myself (there's probably multiple threads on here started by me as I've tried to get my head around "romantic attraction"!)

 

I've been in multiple romantic relationships, but that was when I thought it was the done thing. If anything I treated them all in the same light as I treated best friends at school. I've never really understood more than that thinking that that was the "romantic norm"!!! I'm now in a QPR with a romantic woman who understands that I come from the "committed best friend approach". Ultimately I just want a "partner in crime" though I also know others who want a house of housemates.

A house of housemates sounds great! I don't mind living alone at the moment, though it's still quite a change from having shared my room with my sibling for 16+ years. It's actually sort of a future dream for me: a big house with 2/3/4 free rooms and however of my friends/family want to stay with me for some time or forever can do so. As long as they respect the library rules. The only problem is that I don't know if I want to settle down in one place for long enough to do this...

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ItchyFeet

 

On 4/22/2019 at 10:48 PM, Eveelowthwaite said:

Im 34 and only realized that I’m aromantic within the last year.  Prior to realizing this I found Bella De Paulo who studies and writes about people who are as she calls them single at heart. Who live their best lives independent of coupled relationships. I imagine that there are aromantics who enjoy being single as well as those who want to have a partner in life. I’m the single at heart type. I enjoy lots and lots of time alone, a small collection of friends, and a best friend/soulmate who’s very happily married to someone who’s not me. I can’t imagine plunking a person into my day to day life cause they’d eff up my routine. I’m happy to never need to meet a partners family, to never divide my time between their friends and mine, and to make all my decisions independently without consideration of anyone else’s ideas or opinions. No, I’m much better off single.

This. So much this. I'm definitely the single at heart type too.

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PittAce92
On 4/23/2019 at 1:48 AM, Eveelowthwaite said:

Im 34 and only realized that I’m aromantic within the last year.  Prior to realizing this I found Bella De Paulo who studies and writes about people who are as she calls them single at heart. Who live their best lives independent of coupled relationships. I imagine that there are aromantics who enjoy being single as well as those who want to have a partner in life. I’m the single at heart type. I enjoy lots and lots of time alone, a small collection of friends, and a best friend/soulmate who’s very happily married to someone who’s not me. I can’t imagine plunking a person into my day to day life cause they’d eff up my routine. I’m happy to never need to meet a partners family, to never divide my time between their friends and mine, and to make all my decisions independently without consideration of anyone else’s ideas or opinions. No, I’m much better off single.

Could not have said this better myself @Eveelowthwaite! :) 

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nerdography

I think that I’m aromantic. 

 

I thought I was heteromantic and then I thought I was biromantic. Mainly, because I like looking at people’s faces and assumed I was romantically interested. But, I’m now realizing that it’s aesthetic attraction. I like the way people look, but that’s it.

 

For the longest time I thought I was okay with kissing and hugging, because I don’t mind romantic in movies. I like to idea of romance, but I don’t want any for myself.

 

I hope that made sense.

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ItsRache

You know what? It is just really so nice to know that I am not alone. Truly. I have sort of known I am aromantic and asexual for 3-4 years now, but have had a difficult time accepting myself. I am starting that process now. I just want to say I am so grateful for you all. Thank you. 

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mexicanpotato
On 4/29/2019 at 12:32 PM, nerdography said:

I think that I’m aromantic. 

 

I thought I was heteromantic and then I thought I was biromantic. Mainly, because I like looking at people’s faces and assumed I was romantically interested. But, I’m now realizing that it’s aesthetic attraction. I like the way people look, but that’s it.

 

For the longest time I thought I was okay with kissing and hugging, because I don’t mind romantic in movies. I like to idea of romance, but I don’t want any for myself.

 

I hope that made sense.

Don't worry, it makes sense

In my case I know when someone is attractive or why people find them attractive but I don't find them attractive myself (hope that made sense)

And I also had a phase in which I was sure I was biromantic and then homoromantic, and I'm pretty much the same in your position with romance haha

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GentlemanCambrioleur
On 4/23/2019 at 5:37 PM, Tintenfeder said:

 A house of housemates sounds great! I don't mind living alone at the moment, though it's still quite a change from having shared my room with my sibling for 16+ years. It's actually sort of a future dream for me: a big house with 2/3/4 free rooms and however of my friends/family want to stay with me for some time or forever can do so. As long as they respect the library rules. The only problem is that I don't know if I want to settle down in one place for long enough to do this...

Yeah that sounds awesome! Idk if my future salary will let me have enough money for a house but i'd like a comfortable multi room apartment at least. I'm ok w/ being single if future official adult me w/ a job can handle it but housemates are good w/ me as long as they respect my identity

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PittAce92
On 4/29/2019 at 8:18 PM, ItsRache said:

You know what? It is just really so nice to know that I am not alone. Truly. I have sort of known I am aromantic and asexual for 3-4 years now, but have had a difficult time accepting myself. I am starting that process now. I just want to say I am so grateful for you all. Thank you. 

Same reason why I joined. To help and be helped! :) 

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Guest

I'm aromantic, and I'm fine with that, since it makes life easier and stuff. But the thing is, I hear so much about "love" from the media and other people, and in books and whatnot, that I kind of wish I knew what being in love with someone would be like. I don't actively want to, and literally cannot anyway, it's more just curiosity. Does anyone else feel the same way?

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nerdography
On 5/3/2019 at 7:37 PM, mexicanpotato said:

Don't worry, it makes sense

In my case I know when someone is attractive or why people find them attractive but I don't find them attractive myself (hope that made sense)

And I also had a phase in which I was sure I was biromantic and then homoromantic, and I'm pretty much the same in your position with romance haha

That makes sense to me. It’s like with Brad Pitt, it get why people find him attractive, but he does nothing for me. And I feel like that about all the famous people that are considered attractive. 

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asexual bean

sorry if it’s unrelated to the current topic but two of my friends started dating and for me it’s like ????? How??? You actually had Romantic ™️ feelings for each other??? And you are Dating???? sounds fake but okay

 

and I’ve been in such an aro mood lately and contemplating life and realized I can’t inders even the slightest bit of a romantic relationship. Like,,, for me it’s a Super Bestest Of The Best Friendship Forever but like with sensual closeness,,,,,,

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AcePrincess666

I'm pretty sure I'm Aromantic, I've dated before but it was more like friends even then... I just liked being able to talk constantly and go out because I was no longer lonely... I'm not a fan of people touching me with the exception of my mom and best friend, and I've cuddled before but was only comfortable when doing it with again those two people. What made it click for me was I was eating gelato outside looking at the sunset and realized that I was happy alone like that I didn't want anyone there with me to enjoy the sight, and I'm often annoyed with sweet gestures and always picture myself alone when I'm older... I see myself raising kids as a single mom, even when I have dated thats how I saw myself... I already figured out I'm ace, but now I'm starting to think I'm aro too...

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Nuach

Has anyone here only had a crush on someone when they were younger? The only time I've remembered having an crush on someone was in elementary school. But from then on, zilch, nada.

I want a relationship, a crush, all that allo stuff,  but I just can't. Feels like I'm missing out on so much because of that- high school drama, first dates, that fluttery feeling allos get and the joy they have for someone. Seeing my friends in love is especially hard- its something I want but can't ever have. Kind of sucks.

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Plato Potato
On 5/9/2019 at 9:06 AM, Nuach said:

Has anyone here only had a crush on someone when they were younger? The only time I've remembered having an crush on someone was in elementary school. But from then on, zilch, nada.

I want a relationship, a crush, all that allo stuff,  but I just can't. Feels like I'm missing out on so much because of that- high school drama, first dates, that fluttery feeling allos get and the joy they have for someone. Seeing my friends in love is especially hard- its something I want but can't ever have. Kind of sucks.

I know when I was  younger I thought I had a crush -- this was before I knew about aromanticism. Now, I think of that as a squish; and haven't since thought I had a crush.
As far as wanting to be more romantic . . . of course identities aren't something decided (maybe you can choose what you call yourself, but somebody who doesn't have romantic attraction doesn't choose to be attracted to somebody) but if it's any comfort, some aromantic people end up in a QPR -- Queer Platonic Relationship. Close friendships in general might be at least a bit of an alternative. 

For now, you have my sympathy.

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PittAce92
On 5/4/2019 at 11:24 PM, Kerami said:

I'm aromantic, and I'm fine with that, since it makes life easier and stuff. But the thing is, I hear so much about "love" from the media and other people, and in books and whatnot, that I kind of wish I knew what being in love with someone would be like. I don't actively want to, and literally cannot anyway, it's more just curiosity. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Absolutely agree! The only thing I obsess about is family and having the right friends (and it is not really obsess).

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ajs1906

Hi whoever reads this haha

i guess I’m posting here because I think I’m aromantic, I’ve never had a crush and the kissing I’ve done hasn’t exactly done anything for me, and I’ve never really had the urge to be in a relationship with anyone I know. The thing is though I have always liked the idea of having a romantic relationship, having a partner and a family etc...it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen for me. I guess my question is: can you have a real feeling of wanting or needing a romantic relationship, but still be aromantic? Like, the idea of the thing is appealing to you but you don’t actually feel it, if anybody knows what I mean

sincerely,

a Very Confused Person™️

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MariaWhoKnows
On 4/29/2019 at 1:32 PM, nerdography said:

I think that I’m aromantic. 

 

I thought I was heteromantic and then I thought I was biromantic. Mainly, because I like looking at people’s faces and assumed I was romantically interested. But, I’m now realizing that it’s aesthetic attraction. I like the way people look, but that’s it.

 

For the longest time I thought I was okay with kissing and hugging, because I don’t mind romantic in movies. I like to idea of romance, but I don’t want any for myself.

 

I hope that made sense.

Yes, I'm exactly the same way!

 

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BarbieGirl

Hey I'm new and an aro. I find the idea of any sort of romance with myself extremely repulsing. I've never been in a relationship, had a crush, or anything up that ally way. The thing is, I simply don't crave it! I find it so repulsing that id rather die then be in any sort of romantic relationship! The only thing I crave is a platonic relationship with someone! Can anyone relate? Or are these just childish wishes of mine?

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BarbieGirl
On 4/10/2019 at 5:09 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

I relate, like who decided that kissing is a thing, who were the first people to sit and say "oh, what a good idea, putting lips together, yay saliva" I dont get the appeal.

 

Yeah! Exactly! As an aro, I find it really hard to fit into society or find someone i can relate to, especially in movies! As a young child I always thought kissing and lovey dovey stuff was gross, and is still think that. Because it is.(or to me at least)

 

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SaintPhilomena

Hey aro ace here...

Lol yeah I’ve always wanted a family (or at least I thought I should).

I know now that I def still want kids and a long term platonic partner would be....nice (now I realize that’s a QPR). For me, it would be a whole lot more convenient if I could just have romantic feelings towards someone and like marry them and shit, like our society is set up so that plan is basically the easiest way to form close connections to others, but I also know that I’m so uncomfortable about romantically coded things and other people that are romantically attracted to me because I won’t feel the same way.

For all those asking about it, I’m good with cuddling as long as I know the other person doesn’t hold sexual or romantic feelings towards me, but I’d still be super uncomfy kissing someone or anything like that.

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Taival

I'm not a 100% sure about any of this. Like 99,9% sure, but that's it. All my fictional crushes are men, so I guess I'm more interested in men in a way I'm not in women. Maybe I just find them more pleasing to the eye? I think their lower voices are nicer than feminine voices, and stuff like that. But this is all pretty much the same as when I say that I prefer pink to blue. It's just something I like; it's not that deep. However, I don't have crushes and don't desire a relationship at all. I just don't think I would enjoy myself. I'm very independent, so I just can't think that I could ever invest so much time and effort and thought on one person in that level. Does that make sense? I'm a bit confused too! However, I would classify myself as aromantic.

 

On 5/9/2019 at 7:06 PM, Nuach said:

Has anyone here only had a crush on someone when they were younger? The only time I've remembered having an crush on someone was in elementary school. But from then on, zilch, nada. 

Yes! I think so! Kinda! When I was really really young, I tried to force myself to have a crush, because everyone else had one and I didn't want to be left alone. I didn't like him but I scribbled his name and hearts in my notebooks, because that's what everyone else was doing, and he was cute, so I thought it would work. It didn't. Then, after I changed schools when I was eight (I think?) there was this another new kid too. He was the only person in the entire school with brown eyes (only in Finland!) and all the girls were crazy about him and his eyes. I think I was too, for one moment, until I realized that I didn't like him, at all. I still remember that for only once in my life I've felt that "omg he looks at me and time stops!" feeling, and that was then. In retrospect I think it was more like flattery? That was the first time ever since I had entered that pre-teen age where people have crushes that someone looked at me like that, and it did feel nice. But besides of that moment, there was nothing.

 

Some years later in summer camp there was this another guy, but I wouldn't consider it a crush. I didn't get any butterflies in my stomach or kept thinking about him or anything that I've heard supposed to happen. It was more like... he made me feel content? Happy? He had a cute smile, and the closest comparison I have is that it felt like looking at a cute puppy. You know, when a puppy looks at you and it's cute and it just makes you go awwww! That's kinda how I felt. I've had the same reaction later on to a couple of celebrities, most notably Linda Liukas, who has the most adorable smile.

 

But a proper crush? Nope. I don't think so.

 

On 5/29/2019 at 3:52 AM, BarbieGirl said:

Yeah! Exactly! As an aro, I find it really hard to fit into society or find someone i can relate to, especially in movies! As a young child I always thought kissing and lovey dovey stuff was gross, and is still think that. Because it is.(or to me at least)

Kinda same! I think that stuff like quick kisses are cute; they are just showing that they care about each other, and that's sweet.It's more about how I find the gesture and feeling cute, but the actual physical act is just dull and disgusting. It's not something I want for myself, but I like seeing a character I like happy, and if having an SO and a kiss makes them feel happy, I'm fine with it. Lovey-dovey stuff though? Like proper fluff? Just... no. That's too much. My patience just doesn't go that far. We get it! You like each other! Point taken! Now go advance the plot or something!

 

On 5/29/2019 at 3:46 AM, BarbieGirl said:

Hey I'm new and an aro. I find the idea of any sort of romance with myself extremely repulsing. I've never been in a relationship, had a crush, or anything up that ally way. The thing is, I simply don't crave it! I find it so repulsing that id rather die then be in any sort of romantic relationship! The only thing I crave is a platonic relationship with someone! Can anyone relate? Or are these just childish wishes of mine? 

Yessss! This!! I would love to have a deep platonic relationship with someone, a platonic soulmate or something like that. I do have very good friends, and I love them, but none of them feel like *the one.* Like we just click. I don't think I've ever had a true best friend, and I have always longed for one.

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