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The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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chandrakirti

A belated happy Aro week to all!

Quite straightforward aro ace here, I like the simple life and a good laugh.

 

 

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Life With Masks

I just want friends. This romantic stuff is confusing to me. I'm not sure if I experience romantic attraction or not.

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GentlemanCambrioleur

Yo. Aro/Ace. Romance's messy and I'm glad I'm not participating in that mess. Screw falling in love, I got work to do! 

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Life With Masks
4 minutes ago, GentlemanCambrioleur said:

Yo. Aro/Ace. Romance's messy and I'm glad I'm not participating in that mess. Screw falling in love, I got work to do! 

I derive happiness from other things anyway. I don't need romance added to that.

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GentlemanCambrioleur
Just now, Life With Masks said:

I derive happiness from other things anyway. I don't need romance added to that.

Clearly, you are a person with their priorities in order. I agree 100%

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asexyhuman

does anyone get nostalgic about romance? i'm aro, but sometimes i'll watch a rom com or something and instead of feeling happy and gushy about it i get sad and kind of nostalgic. can people relate?

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chandrakirti

I can't get nostalgic because I don't have much to go on there! 😆

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GentlemanCambrioleur
17 hours ago, asexyhuman said:

does anyone get nostalgic about romance? i'm aro, but sometimes i'll watch a rom com or something and instead of feeling happy and gushy about it i get sad and kind of nostalgic. can people relate?

Mostly when I see a rom com I feel like I'm just watching someone else's story. I've never been on a date and don't plan on it. 

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PittAce92
On 3/2/2019 at 11:05 PM, Life With Masks said:

I just want friends. This romantic stuff is confusing to me. I'm not sure if I experience romantic attraction or not.

My thoughts exactly! :) 

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PittAce92
On 3/2/2019 at 11:10 PM, GentlemanCambrioleur said:

Yo. Aro/Ace. Romance's messy and I'm glad I'm not participating in that mess. Screw falling in love, I got work to do! 

Exactly, there are more important issues to worry about. :) 

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BlueHairedHippo

Growing up I never had a crush and never met someone I wanted to date. As I got older the more I began to think that there was something wrong with me. I mean why else would I be the only person I know to make it to 26 and have no sexual or romantic experience besides some making out while drunk. Also every time someone said that they liked me I would freak out and would have an overwhelming urge to never talk to them while thinking that they just ruined a good friendship. It wasn’t until a few months ago that while reading a book with a character who is demisexual that I discovered there were more ways than I thought to describe your orientation and that there is a whole romantic/Aromantic orientation too. As soon as I started reading what Aromantic is a light bulb went off in my head. I could finally look at my life and my lack of any romance and not feel like a complete failure. It felt really good to know that there are many people who like me don’t feel romantic attraction.

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chandrakirti

I get that bit about ruining a good friendship @BlueHairedHippo

...its fine till someone (never me) decides it needs to be more than it is. 

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Eveelowthwaite

Story Time: When I was 13 (1997) I got grounded from going to see my out of town boyfriend when my dad made a visit there.  I was granted a last minute chance at 5am to go see him as my dad was leaving. I chose to keep sleeping. I’ve never told my romantic friends this story but I’m pretty sure choosing sleep over seeing your completely adorable and sweet boyfriend isn’t something most 13 yr olds would do.  Only took me 20 years to figure out I was aromantic...fudging wish AVEN had existed then.

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Hunji Qi

I am demiromantic, but I am questioning if  am I closer to a romantic? I had a crush on a guy in high school to whom I really admired his personalities and the way he talks. His profile looks sculptural and golden in the settings sun when he tried to explain math questions to me. However, even realizing that took me months, and I could not see myself being close to him sexually. Now I have been at the point that I am attracted to no one at all for years and can't even see myself being with anyone. This doesn't bother me at all. People around me started to ask me annoying dating questions "for my benefit." I really have no idea how to answer that. 

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acematt

I am without a shadow of a doubt aromantic. Don't like any contact whatsoever. I get my kicks in other ways. So much more in life to enjoy. Plus kissing, etc. spreads germs. We should consider ourselves blessed in being asexual/aromantic. Life is so much simpler and less of a pain. I just wish that society would be more accepting of us. They're just jealous thats all. Their problem not ours. Asexuality is a gift. Enjoy! 

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will123
On 3/16/2019 at 6:38 AM, Eveelowthwaite said:

Only took me 20 years to figure out I was aromantic...fudging wish AVEN had existed then.

I feel the same. My realisation that I was asexual came a long time before it dawned on me that I was aromantic as well.

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knittinghistorian
1 hour ago, will123 said:

I feel the same. My realisation that I was asexual came a long time before it dawned on me that I was aromantic as well.

I only just found out in the last couple of years that those were two different things!  Most people conflate romance and sex, and I'm aromantic and asexual both, so I never really realized they weren't the same thing...

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will123
22 hours ago, knittinghistorian said:

I only just found out in the last couple of years that those were two different things!  Most people conflate romance and sex, and I'm aromantic and asexual both, so I never really realized they weren't the same thing...

I found out about asexuality and AVEN back in 2005. I readily identified as asexual then. In the article and my limited lurking on AVEN I didn't read anything about aromanticism. It was only a year or so ago that I looked into what folks here were discussing when they mentioned that they were aromantic. It was almost as face palm moment as that explained why I never had any interest in having a girlfriend (more than just a female friend) all those years.

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Lunar_Kid613

I'm a teenager who recently realized I'm aro-ace and I've got a question: what does the aromantic flag look like? I've seen two versions, one with a white stripe and one with a yellow stripe. (also if anyone has any tips for coming out to parents that'd be great)

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Tuple

The concept of aromanticism and terminology around romantic orientation is fairly new. I first found AVEN in the early 2000s and at the time most people identified as straight, gay, or bi (which really was their romantic orientation) while some people (like me) didn't identify with those labels. A lot of discussion on AVEN back then had to do with dating and relationships. Since that didn't interest me and since I didn't identify as straight, gay, or bi I found AVEN rather exclusionary and left (and I wasn't the only one), although I did occasionally stick my head in to see what was going on. In recent years there has been a recognition that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are something different (although a lot of people conflate the two, and it's understandable, partially because for a lot of people their sexual and romantic attractions align and partially because it can be a blurry line between the two). With the recognition of romantic orientation, AVEN has become more welcoming and accepting, and eventually I came back.

 

Incidentally, it was really my aromanticism that made me realize I am asexual, although of course at the time I didn't realize they are two different things. When I was in high school I wasn't interested in dating and relationships. I have a libido and even though I didn't want to have sex, I had this idea that if I were in a relationship I would eventually want sex (maybe something to do with a Christian upbringing, although I grew up in mainline Protestant churches which are more open minded about sex before marriage).  And so eventually I came to the conclusion, "Well, I don't want to go on a date and I don't want a relationship and I don't think I would really want to have sex. I guess this means I'm asexual." and I came out of the closet a few days after my 22 birthday. I thought coming out to family and friends would be a big deal and require a lot of explanation but they were all like "I'm not surprised. I've suspected you were asexual for a while because you've never dated."

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PittAce92
On 3/23/2019 at 10:32 AM, Tuple said:

Incidentally, it was really my aromanticism that made me realize I am asexual, although of course at the time I didn't realize they are two different things.

That actually is really interesting, as usually peoples experience starts with the sexuality and then realize the romantic component, but I should have realized that the other way is just as possible. Thanks for sharing that! :) 

 

On 3/23/2019 at 10:32 AM, Tuple said:

With the recognition of romantic orientation, AVEN has become more welcoming and accepting, and eventually I came back.

I am glad as I try to keep my comments objective and understanding (even though I can understand your situation personally). Respect is most important to me!

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Snao Cone
On 3/23/2019 at 9:32 AM, Tuple said:

Incidentally, it was really my aromanticism that made me realize I am asexual, although of course at the time I didn't realize they are two different things. When I was in high school I wasn't interested in dating and relationships. I have a libido and even though I didn't want to have sex, I had this idea that if I were in a relationship I would eventually want sex

I kind of went down a similar path. I thought if I gained more confidence in myself I would enjoy casual sex, or if I found the right FWB arrangement I would be into that. Neither one turned out to be true, which makes me very grateful for being aromantic. There was less to lose from the start.

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AmorphousBlob
On 3/22/2019 at 7:47 AM, Lunar_Kid613 said:

I'm a teenager who recently realized I'm aro-ace and I've got a question: what does the aromantic flag look like? I've seen two versions, one with a white stripe and one with a yellow stripe. (also if anyone has any tips for coming out to parents that'd be great)

I dunno if there's an "official" flag, just use the one you prefer I guess 🤷‍♂️

 

For coming out... I don't really have that many tips, honestly. Just, be prepared for the worst (god that sounds awful 😆) but at the same time, be confident. I'd also say to look up answers to common questions about aromanticism (is that the right word?) and think about the kind of questions your parents might ask you. That way you can think of some responses ahead of time.

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Tuple
On 3/22/2019 at 4:47 AM, Lunar_Kid613 said:

I'm a teenager who recently realized I'm aro-ace and I've got a question: what does the aromantic flag look like? I've seen two versions, one with a white stripe and one with a yellow stripe. (also if anyone has any tips for coming out to parents that'd be great)

There have been a coupe different versions created over the years. The most commonly used one is green, light green, white, grey, black.

 

You can read more about it at http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Aromantic and in this post

 

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will123

To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy:

 

You might be aromantic when you have no interest in marriage or fathering children (while everyone in your social circle, including your sibling is getting married).

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Tuple
On 4/4/2019 at 7:21 AM, will123 said:

To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy:

 

You might be aromantic when you have no interest in marriage or fathering children (while everyone in your social circle, including your sibling is getting married).

LOL. In my case this happened well before adulthood. When i was a child I frequently told my parents, and occasionally others, that I was never going to marry. As a teenager, I told my parents, and sometimes others, that I was never going to have kids (and I kept mentioning never getting married). Whenever I said these things, my parents didn't believe me and they said that someday I would get married and have kids just like everyone else. Well, I turned out to be right. Looking back on it now, I find it fascinating and interesting how my aromanticism, and I guess my asexuality as well, was clearly in existence from an early age.

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WoodwindWhistler
On 3/21/2019 at 1:32 AM, acematt said:

I am without a shadow of a doubt aromantic. Don't like any contact whatsoever. I get my kicks in other ways. So much more in life to enjoy. Plus kissing, etc. spreads germs. We should consider ourselves blessed in being asexual/aromantic. Life is so much simpler and less of a pain. I just wish that society would be more accepting of us. They're just jealous thats all. Their problem not ours. Asexuality is a gift. Enjoy! 


So nice to see some positivity about these for once. ❤️ 

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Eveelowthwaite

Any other Aromantics out there who can totally root for a fictional couple and lovingly support some of your friends in their healthy romantic relationships. But then have to bite your tongue to not tell irl cutesy couples rude things, or your friends in bad relationships to just get divorced already? Maybe I only like couples when they’re actually good and supportive friends as well as “in love” (lol) that would explain a LOT!

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WoodwindWhistler
On 4/7/2019 at 4:55 AM, Eveelowthwaite said:

bite your tongue to not tell irl cutesy couples rude things, or your friends in bad relationships to just get divorced already? 

Well I tend towards "if you're in a bad relationship see if you can try counseling first" because otherwise the person who may be causing the trouble is just going to get left over and over, hurt people over and over, and the suffering continues and probably worsens due to that repeating. 

I don't recall what exactly the percentage is of successful change of abusers through intervention programs, but most people go by conventional wisdom that it isn't even possible, which is flat out incorrect. 

Some people have anxiety issues. Some people have anger issues. It's all a matter of treatment and willingness to try. 

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mexicanpotato

Hello people

I'm 16, ace and 99% sure I'm aromantic

I've never had a crush, I don't get why someone would want to kiss other person in the mouth (gross for me), I also don't get why someone would want a romantic relationship or how someone can have strong romantic feelings for someone. When my friends talk about their crushes or boyfriends I simply don't have nothing to add to the conversation but "I haven't had a crush" and when they try to get me someone or bother me with a fake crush I'm like "I really don't care about this because I don't want any of this"

Sooo, I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic and I guess I'm just trying to get some validation or something like people with similar experiences...

Whatever, thanks for reading my crazy ramble, hope you understand it 

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