The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

[AllTalk]

2 hours ago, WoodwindWhistler said:

So you've had no success in establishing any sort of 'friends with benefits' situation? Did anyone ask for less than dating, but not just hookup? Did you ever suggest it? 

No, none of those. I attribute my lack of caring to the aro part of me. Haha. I couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to find and obtain any such relationship. I enjoy sex, but I don't NEED it enough to make me go out and try to find a partner. 

[Weaslepig]

On 7/21/2018 at 9:53 PM, Fiorine said:

Hey @Weaslepig. I'm really happy that you identify with lithromanticism, and it sucks that you have such an affectionate boyfriend. I don't think you have to tell him that you're breaking up with him because you're lithromantic. I'm assuming you don't want to tell him that you're lithromantic, so I think you could say something like "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way as you do" and "I really do appreciate your feelings, but I can't reciprocate them." You should emphasize that it's your feelings (or lack thereof) that are the cause of the breakup. Of course, I don't know everything about your relationship, so my advice is only concerned with your lithromanticism. These are only guidelines of what you should say as well. 

 

Since you're lithromantic, do you still want a romantic relationship? Sorry, I don't know much about lithromanticism. It's definitely possible to have a close platonic relationship without the icky romantic and/or sexual stuff, but you have to take the first step towards something genuine with another person or else you'll never get anywhere; building relationships take a lot of time and trust, so it's better to start now than later... not that it's easy or anything. 

 

Even though it may seem like I'm super confident about my aromanticism and asexuality and I might come off as a strong person, the truth is I still get into rough spots (who doesn't?) because of these characteristics of mine (and other things). When I started college, I didn't interact with other people on a personal level and shut myself off from my old high school friends because I didn't think I was worth being friends with and I thought no one cared about my feelings. I thought that it was impossible for me to have a close platonic relationship because I didn't have one when I was younger; I had never conveyed my personal issues to anyone because I didn't think I was worth being worried and cared about. I think I had a self-fulfilling prophecy about my worth as a person. It definitely is a struggle to build up your self-esteem and realize that you're worth something, and I don't think you can do it alone. Personally, I talked with a therapist first to figure out my feelings, and then I felt like I was able to talk about personal stuff with my friends, but even now I sometimes wonder why they want to talk to me like that. 

 

I think it's admirable of you to admit that you have these issues and worries to us. You may be different to a lot of people, but that's who you are. Different people will have different opinions about you, and unfortunately, you can't change the way they think about you. I think it's nice to start talking about yourself here since a lot of people are kind and willing to understand and help others. I hope you can get some sort of encouragement and sense of belonging from reading these forums.

 

I really want you to know that a lot of people will understand what you're going through. At the very least, I understand the feeling of isolation and worthlessness that you're experiencing because I still experience it too. I don't know you personally, but I like you already and I want you to be happy, and you can't stop me from feeling this way about you. Thanks for reading and hopefully you can get something from all of this. 

Thanks, Fiorine. I did end up breaking up with him, and telling him I was lithoromantic, he was wonderfully accepting and took it well. It really does help to know that I'm not alone, and this website has been amazingly useful in helping me learn more about myself and feel more at home amongst others. I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better about yourself- trust me, you're a lovely person. I haven't even met you but you've already helped me so much. Thanks for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it

[Éadweard]

On 8/20/2018 at 6:40 AM, AllTalk said:

 

I don't WANT to mess with ppl, hurt feelings, lead ppl on.

 

 

Amen!

[CatsClubsNCake]

Hey guys, can anyone help me?

Recently I've been doubting whether or not I feel romantic attraction (which I realize this thread may not be the best place to discuss it).

I think I may have been misinterpreting my crushes. They may have been squishes all along...

 

My question is:

Is it possible for an aromantic individual to want a romantic relationship, just never actually feel the romantic attraction?

Not really want it, just sort of like... be okay with the idea..?

 

Okay, more questions:

• Can aromantics still be okay with kissing on the lips? Not be *totally* repulsed by the idea?
• A lot of people define romantic attraction as wanting to be open with the person and share an emotional bond with them, but how do we draw the line between a romantic emotional bond and a platonic emotional bond?
• Is it normal for aromantic people to still want to get married (I kind of want it just so I will have that relationship "forever")?
• Is it normal for aromantics to not really care whether they are dating a person or not? (Like. If we're just really close friends, it's fine, but if they want to call our relationship "romantic" it's also fine?)

I think that's it.

 

Just answering one of my questions would help an AWFUL lot. If you have an opinion or experience with anything I mentioned, please share, if you're comfortable. 

I am just soooo confused!

[Neutral nerd]

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Hey guys, can anyone help me?

Recently I've been doubting whether or not I feel romantic attraction (which I realize this thread may not be the best place to discuss it).

I think I may have been misinterpreting my crushes. They may have been squishes all along...

 

My question is:

Is it possible for an aromantic individual to want a romantic relationship, just never actually feel the romantic attraction?

Not really want it, just sort of like... be okay with the idea..?

 

Okay, more questions:

• Can aromantics still be okay with kissing on the lips? Not be *totally* repulsed by the idea?
• A lot of people define romantic attraction as wanting to be open with the person and share an emotional bond with them, but how do we draw the line between a romantic emotional bond and a platonic emotional bond?
• Is it normal for aromantic people to still want to get married (I kind of want it just so I will have that relationship "forever")?
• Is it normal for aromantics to not really care whether they are dating a person or not? (Like. If we're just really close friends, it's fine, but if they want to call our relationship "romantic" it's also fine?)

my best guess of what romantic attraction is is that it means that you want someone to occupy a spot in your life by playing a role prescribed by society, if you don't care whether they are that to you then I think its entirely possible that you are neutral about romance. I think the reason romance developed how it did is to determine loyalty/whether the "union" will work out. Romantic aces seek the close partnership (Im guessing), but aros dont see anyone they particularly want to fill that role. From what you're saying, I'm guessing you may be demiromantic or a romance-neutral/positive aromantic. Keep in mind that I have no idea what it is like to have/want/be ok with a romantic relationship, so take everything I said with a grain of salt.

[iam135]

@CatsClubsNCake: I don't know how helpful I'm going to be when answering your questions here as a lot of it is outside of my personal experience, but I'll give it a shot 😊.

 

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Is it possible for an aromantic individual to want a romantic relationship, just never actually feel the romantic attraction?

Not really want it, just sort of like... be okay with the idea..?

I think that this is sort of similar to the idea of sex repulsion/aversion being different from being asexual. Being aromantic isn't necessarily about wanting or not wanting a romantic relationship - it's about being able to be attracted to someone romantically.

 

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Can aromantics still be okay with kissing on the lips? Not be *totally* repulsed by the idea?

I think that, again, it's about repulsion/aversion being different from attraction. And, for some people, kissing can be purely sensual and not romantic at all. It's like how some people can have FWB relationships without any type of attachment forming, but for other people, sex is considered to be both romantic and sexual.

 

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

A lot of people define romantic attraction as wanting to be open with the person and share an emotional bond with them, but how do we draw the line between a romantic emotional bond and a platonic emotional bond?

I think that this can vary from person to person, but a lot of this comes down to what both the partners consider their relationship to be. In some cases, stereotypical romantic activities can also be used to draw a line - I wouldn't go eat dinner with a close friend on Valentine's day, for example - but different people can have drastically different ideas of what they consider romantic so that's isn't always a good indicator.

 

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Is it normal for aromantic people to still want to get married (I kind of want it just so I will have that relationship "forever")?

I mean, I want to wear a pretty white dress as much as the next person, but the idea of a romantic relationship isn't my forte. But you seem more focused on the idea of a relationship being "forever". I don't think that wanting to be in a relationship for "forever" is inherently a romantic thing - after all, the concept of being "Best Friends Forever" is a thing for a reason - but, again, it depends on what sort of relationship you want. To me, being married is inherently a romantic thing - I wouldn't want to marry my closest friend - but that could probably vary from person to person as well.

 

2 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Is it normal for aromantics to not really care whether they are dating a person or not? (Like. If we're just really close friends, it's fine, but if they want to call our relationship "romantic" it's also fine?)

I think this is another case of repulsion/aversion vs. attraction. I think what you're describing is essentially being romance indifferent, but, then again, I'm romance averse, not indifferent, so I don't know.

 

Also, there's one other part of your post that I want to focus on:

3 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

I think I may have been misinterpreting my crushes. They may have been squishes all along...

I want to focus on this because, for me, a misinterpreted crush was what part of what led me to research aromanticism/asexuality and, consequently, onto AVEN. So, I'm curious as to what events led you to thinking your crushes are misinterpreted, as that might be worth reflecting on.

 

Sorry all of this was pretty vague. It seems like the line between romantic and aromantic can be pretty blurry in general - even more than the line between sexual and asexual, I would say. Consequently, I think it's more important to consider what you think identifying as aromantic will accomplish for you. Will it help you make better sense of your own feelings? Will it make it easier to explain the sorts of relationships you want with others? Because, if so, that probably makes the endeavor worthwhile.

 

Hopefully some of that helped 😊!

[CatsClubsNCake]

2 hours ago, Neutral nerd said:

From what you're saying, I'm guessing you may be demiromantic or a romance-neutral/positive aromantic.

51 minutes ago, iam135 said:

Hopefully some of that helped 😊!

Yes! Thank you guys so much!

 

I have done some research and found out that "cupioromantics" exist 😂

Basically, I don't feel romantic attraction but still would like a romantic relationship.

Romance-positive aromantic, I guess.

The FWB comparison really helped!

 

Thanks a lot for your responses, they definitely helped me think about it in a new perspective

 

[GloomyGhost]

I just stumbled upon this song and it struck too close to home. I wanted to share somewhere. I already knew some aromantic-sounding songs from this band, but this one is my favorite now. 
 

Spoiler

 

 

[David Box]

Sorry if I'm doing this wrong, the forum set up for AVEN is a bit confusing for me. Anyone else notice that aromantic merchandize is hard to find? I went to pride yesterday and found ace flags but no aro flags. It was a bit disappointing. There's ace rings for sale, but not aro ones. Found plenty of shirts for both, but aro hats were more sparse than ace ones. Are there just less aromantic allosexuals than asexual alloromantics, or do people just use ace as a catch all more often? 

[CatsClubsNCake]

1 hour ago, David Box said:

Sorry if I'm doing this wrong, the forum set up for AVEN is a bit confusing for me. Anyone else notice that aromantic merchandize is hard to find? I went to pride yesterday and found ace flags but no aro flags. It was a bit disappointing. There's ace rings for sale, but not aro ones. Found plenty of shirts for both, but aro hats were more sparse than ace ones. Are there just less aromantic allosexuals than asexual alloromantics, or do people just use ace as a catch all more often? 

THERE ARE ARO RINGS WUT

[CatsClubsNCake]

WHERE CAN I GET AN ARO RING

[David Box]

13 minutes ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

WHERE CAN I GET AN ARO RING

 

Ah, well, the asexual symbol that's a ring is just a black ring on your middle finger on your right hand, and the aro version is a white one on the left hand. However, there are rings that are more than just simple black bands for aces (i.e. made with the ace card symbol on it, or even the ace flag) but I haven't found similar for aros. 

 

I should add that looking on etsy, there is aromantic merch (but still less than ace merch, but hey it's there lol). 

 

[CatsClubsNCake]

3 minutes ago, David Box said:

However, there are rings that are more than just simple black bands for aces (i.e. made with the ace card symbol on it, or even the ace flag) but I haven't found similar for aros.

Ohh lol

 

Still didn't know about the white ring thing, so thank you  

[David Box]

13 hours ago, CatsClubsNCake said:

Ohh lol

 

Still didn't know about the white ring thing, so thank you  

No problem at all

[little fish]

Well I'm probably aromatic. I just keep thinking about it, so excuse me as I spill my thoughts!

 

I LOVE romantic movies/tv. I think I like it so much because it's always positive and the characters end up with a happy ending- I don't enjoy romance itself, but the positive outlook on life. A few series where there was no romance, but there was a happy ending, I enjoyed just as much if not more. I wish there was an aromatic genre of tv. I was more into the relationships when I was younger,

 

I feel like I've been trying to fit the mould, trying to feel attracted to people. The 'crushes' I've had always started with me looking at someone nice and thinking "what if you were actually attracted to them" and then agonising over that thought in my head. But at no point was there ever a desire to be with them, spend time with them, talk to them or be in a relationship with them. I thought this was a normal crush growing up. Now I realise, it's not a crush at all. 

 

I think people get frustrated at how oblivious I am. They could drop a thousand hits and I'd still say that they're not interested in me, because I can't believe people actually fall in love, and have interest in each other. Falling in love just seems like a made up concept that only happens in movies- if I had to pick a romantic partner, I'd choose them based on facts. (what they want to do in life, if they like cats or fish, ect) I'm guessing normal people actually feel some sort of feeling!

 

And despite all this, it's still difficult to accept that I might be aro. Any aro people, are your experiences similar to mine? I'll keep pondering.

[RakshaTheCat]

2 hours ago, little fish said:

Falling in love just seems like a made up concept that only happens in movies- if I had to pick a romantic partner, I'd choose them based on facts. (what they want to do in life, if they like cats or fish, ect) I'm guessing normal people actually feel some sort of feeling!

 

And despite all this, it's still difficult to accept that I might be aro. Any aro people, are your experiences similar to mine? I'll keep pondering.

Kind of similar, since my feelings are based on facts. They don't even need to be real facts, they can be made up (like, I can imagine myself a person that has traits I like and start having warm feelings towards completely imaginary person). But I don't think these are romantic feelings, seems more like platonic.

[Amy94]

I'm just going to throw out a general question to any aromantic people on this forum.

can you be aromantic and still notice people you think are attractive? 

I think I am aromantic as well as asexual - I've not interest in dating or romance or relationships or anything like that, and I don't I've ever had a crush, so I think i'm probably aromantic - but then i'lll notice someone who I think is attractive and then i'm not sure.

 

any aromantics out there who have had a similar experience?

[Neutral nerd]

@Amy94 yeah that's completely normal. Aesthetic attraction isn't necessarily romantic or sexual. If u see someone and think "they look nice" that's completely different from "ur hot, can we marry or date or whatever?"  I myself like seeing aesthetically attractive things, but only want to date another person as much as a water bottle could want that. As in, not. 

[Amy94]

12 hours ago, Neutral nerd said:

@Amy94 yeah that's completely normal. Aesthetic attraction isn't necessarily romantic or sexual. If u see someone and think "they look nice" that's completely different from "ur hot, can we marry or date or whatever?"  I myself like seeing aesthetically attractive things, but only want to date another person as much as a water bottle could want that. As in, not. 

 

Thanks for the insight!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

15 hours ago, Amy94 said:

I'm just going to throw out a general question to any aromantic people on this forum.

can you be aromantic and still notice people you think are attractive? 

I think I am aromantic as well as asexual - I've not interest in dating or romance or relationships or anything like that, and I don't I've ever had a crush, so I think i'm probably aromantic - but then i'lll notice someone who I think is attractive and then i'm not sure.

 

any aromantics out there who have had a similar experience?

Yes, you definitely can. I'm not even human-oriented and I still think some people look "alright".

[Neutral nerd]

7 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Yes, you definitely can. I'm not even human-oriented and I still think some people look "alright".

The best looking humans are anime, and I'd never want a nonplatonic relationship with them

[will123]

On 8/23/2018 at 12:54 PM, WoodwindWhistler said:

So you've had no success in establishing any sort of 'friends with benefits' situation? Did anyone ask for less than dating, but not just hookup? Did you ever suggest it? 

First time I visit the thread and this pops up. Does this exist in real life or is it just a TV or movie trope?

 

In my 20s (when I thought I was hetero'), I knew I wasn't interested in marriage or fathering children, but thought I was still going to have sex eventually (I'm still a virgin at 56). I hung out with a couple of girls that were sexual but nothing ever happened. I was deathly afraid to touch them in any manner for fear that the gesture would be taken the wrong way. I also had no idea how to bring up the topic or initiate ANY kind of sexual contact.

 

I found out about asexuality 13 years ago, but didn't see a mention of aromatic until last year when I finally signed up on AVEN.

[will123]

On 9/19/2018 at 7:28 PM, Neutral nerd said:

@Amy94 yeah that's completely normal. Aesthetic attraction isn't necessarily romantic or sexual. If u see someone and think "they look nice" that's completely different from "ur hot, can we marry or date or whatever?"  I myself like seeing aesthetically attractive things, but only want to date another person as much as a water bottle could want that. As in, not. 

That is what puzzled my friend when I came out as asexual to him last year. "But you've always commented about the appearance/attractiveness of girls we saw!" (you can fill in the blank as to what my comments were) "I know, but I didn't want to have sex with them! Now you know why I was confused as to what I was..."

[will123]

On 8/26/2018 at 3:55 PM, GloomyGhost said:

I just stumbled upon this song and it struck too close to home. I wanted to share somewhere. I already knew some aromantic-sounding songs from this band, but this one is my favorite now. 
 

  Hide contents

 

 

I'm a casual fan of the band and didn't realise this. Has Lizzy or Arejay ever mentioned this topic?

[RakshaTheCat]

3 hours ago, will123 said:

I hung out with a couple of girls that were sexual but nothing ever happened. I was deathly afraid to touch them in any manner for fear that the gesture would be taken the wrong way. I also had no idea how to bring up the topic or initiate ANY kind of sexual contact.

Sadly, you probably did the sensible thing, because I learned the hard way that you 'initiate' it with just that, being nice to someone and touching them. Do that and eventually sexual women will get horny and try to push sex on you... 😕

 

 

[will123]

24 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Sadly, you probably did the sensible thing, because I learned the hard way that you 'initiate' it with just that, being nice to someone and touching them. Do that and eventually sexual women will get horny and try to push sex on you... 😕

 

 

In some ways I was hoping that would happen as I thought I was hetero' at the time.

 

On the other hand, I wonder if by not trying to initiate sex with the two girls ( both quite attractive and great personalities) they thought that I was gay and not interested in them sexually? Any attempts to get sexual on their part would be rebuffed.

 

I did see that happen to one of the girls at a party. The guy she was 'putting the make on' took off like a flash. In later years he has acted 'different' and to some of us in the community is possibly a pedophile interested in younger boys. (I'd rather not get into the details but they are concerning)

[Barbio]

Hello, is it ok if I squeeze in here and share my thoughts/feelings about aromanticity? I haven't read this whole thread, but I only recently started to accept the idea that I might be on the aro spectrum, and I would like to spill my thoughts and maybe see if anyone here can relate or help me make sense of them.

Up until just a few months ago, I was 99.8% sure that I was both heteromantic & heterosexual. The only thing keeping me from being 100% certain was the simple fact that I had never actually dated or had a boyfriend before. It just wasn't something that I wanted to rush into; I trusted that someday the right person would come into my life, if it was truly meant to be. The reason why I was so sure that I was straight was because I found certain types of men aesthetically pleasing in a way that I just didn't always see with women, and I have also had what I thought were "crushes" on men in the past (though admittedly, they were almost exclusively on male fictional characters who I would never in a million years consider dating if they were real; maybe I would if I were an in-universe character with a fitting backstory and characteristics, but not in real life. But if I could be attracted to those guys, then surely there are real men out there with the same charm who I actually would feel comfortable dating, right?)

 

I started questioning my sexuality before my romanticity. The #MeToo movement was what ultimately flipped my understanding of sex and attraction on its head. When these stories first started making headlines, it just completely boggled my mind that people could actually want to have sex with someone who they barely even knew. And all the little details about these "sexual" things- from unwanted groping to men sticking tongues in women's mouths (I didn't even know that tongue-kissing was a thing)- made me stop and say, "wait, is this what real sexual attraction looks like? Is this what people daydream about doing to their crushes? Because I've never felt like doing anything like this towards anyone... ever." I was (and maybe I still am) open to the idea of possibly trying real simple, basic sex someday with someone who I feel comfortable enough doing it with, but I had never imagined it being a key part of any relationship I would ever have; I thought it would just something on the side to maybe explore at some point, but not have it be an ongoing thing. I thought sex was just something that you only did a few times on special occasions over the course of an entire relationship!

 

So, this lead me to do a whole bunch of internet research into sexuality and the different types of attractions that people experience (or don't experience, in some cases). And wow, I never realized that there were so many different types of attractions! Nor did I realize that they all work independently, and that they don't always have to intersect. Aromanticism was something I that had heard about before, but I never really thought to look much into it; I didn't think that I could possibly be aromantic, since I had had "crushes" before. But after thinking about it, I started to realize that I don't get crushes very easily, and almost never on real people (like I said, my "crushes" were virtually all fictional characters). I'm also the type who often rolls my eyes at overly romantic things; if I see an ad telling me about hot singles in my area, I usually just laugh and say, "why are you showing me this? I don't care!" And the whole "crush vs. squish" thing... I don't know what to make of it, really. Maybe my past "crushes" were really just "squishes" all along, since I didn't actually want to date any of them? Not to mention kissing... I don't know how I would feel about that now that I know that "tongue-kissing" is a thing, haha.

 

I've also realized that it has been a very long time since I've had a "crush" (if that's what my past "crushes" really were), and that I've seen just about every type of guy in the world, and I realize now that none of them really turn me on in the way that I thought they did. I'm increasingly starting to think that maybe all I want is just a platonic life partner who I can be close to without having to worry about meeting all of their sensual or sexual needs, since I don't think that mine would match up with that of an alloromantic allosexual.

[Mundane Mesh]

On 25 augusti 2018 at 4:32 PM, CatsClubsNCake said:

Hey guys, can anyone help me?

Recently I've been doubting whether or not I feel romantic attraction (which I realize this thread may not be the best place to discuss it).

I think I may have been misinterpreting my crushes. They may have been squishes all along...

 

My question is:

Is it possible for an aromantic individual to want a romantic relationship, just never actually feel the romantic attraction?

Not really want it, just sort of like... be okay with the idea..?

 

Okay, more questions:

• Can aromantics still be okay with kissing on the lips? Not be *totally* repulsed by the idea?
• A lot of people define romantic attraction as wanting to be open with the person and share an emotional bond with them, but how do we draw the line between a romantic emotional bond and a platonic emotional bond?
• Is it normal for aromantic people to still want to get married (I kind of want it just so I will have that relationship "forever")?
• Is it normal for aromantics to not really care whether they are dating a person or not? (Like. If we're just really close friends, it's fine, but if they want to call our relationship "romantic" it's also fine?)

I think that's it.

 

Just answering one of my questions would help an AWFUL lot. If you have an opinion or experience with anything I mentioned, please share, if you're comfortable. 

I am just soooo confused!

I can't answer for all aromantic people, only for myself.

 

I'm open to romantic relationships, I just haven't met anyone with whom I'd want one. I would never be the one to suggest a romantic relationship even if it was with a person who I like to spend time with, but if such a person (theoretically) would want to be in a romantic relationship with me, and this was a person I were very close to (I can't think of a real life candidate for this at the moment) then I perhaps would be open to giving it a try IF and only if this person knew and were okay with my aromanticism / asexuality. I don't want a relationship based on any false expectations. I don't know about marriage, but I would sort of like to live with someone to avoid becoming too isolated. I'm not the best socializer so having someone who is always around would be ideal. I still live with my parents (I'm a student) so right now that isn't a problem, but I don't know what the future holds.

 

Regarding kissing on the lips, I don't know if I'd be okay with that. I probably would be if I'd get used to it. Although french kissing sounds really weard and I don't know how I feel about that. Anyway, the only non-family member that I've kissed was on the forehead if I remember correctly (a boy, and it wasn't romantic, it was more like a dare, kinda). I didn't dislike it, but it's not something I want to do all the time.

 

Where is the line between a platonic emotional bond and a romantic one? No idea, I can't help you with that one. I don't understand romanticism.

[little fish]

I have come to the conclusion that, despite my love for romantic movies, I could never fall in love with someone. That feeling has been stronger than ever recently. I've been even starting to dislike romance. Which is very weird considering that fact that I've enjoyed those movies since I could talk.

 

I have met a person would fit the ideal. But those feelings were absent. In theory, the idea sounds good. In reality, I dislike the closeness. It makes me squirm and want to hide away because it's exhausting. I don't get any special feelings. I dislike regular friendship, why would I enjoy something stronger?

 

So, I give up. I'm going to stop trying to be someone I am not. I'm aromatic. And now I shall fill my world with things that make me really happy: fish, tea and art.

[melisestel]

On 10/13/2018 at 6:39 PM, little fish said:

That feeling has been stronger than ever recently. I've been even starting to dislike romance. Which is very weird considering that fact that I've enjoyed those movies since I could talk.

I have been feeling the same way in the past year since realizing I'm aroace and discovering the community - particularly with music (I've made a 'no romo' playlist on spotify lol). My friends don't get it. They feel like if I don't want it, it shouldn't bother me to watch/hear about other people having romantic/sexual love. Like they assume it bothers me because I'm jealous.

 

But that's not it. I still enjoy a good romance once in a while. The thing I now find getting on my nerves is the way the media we consume slams us over the head with the unwavering fact that everybody needs that one special romantic partner to complete them. And it makes me angry that I bought into that for so many years and tried to be someone I wasn't and want things I didn't. And it makes me angry for all the other people like me, listening to these songs and watching these movies that tell them they haven't achieved happiness if they're single.

 

I still love a good romance when it's based on a real connection. I still think romance is great for people who want that. And I can relate to the platonic level of connection between the characters even if I can't relate to the romantic or sexual level.

 

But I am so sick of society telling us it is impossible to be truly happy with a single life. When that is exactly the way I feel most happy.