The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

[Newaro]

On 1/20/2014 at 1:43 AM, byanyotherusername said:

I go back and forth about the platonic partner issue. Maybe?

On the one hand, I love living alone. On the other hand, there are things I love about living with other people--I'm in a roommate situation now and it is nice to be able to go out into the living room and have someone to cuddle on the couch without even having to change out of my pajamas or be fully awake to converse, haha. My ideal would probably be some kind of very independent type of communal living, like having adjoining apartments with someone, or like cohousing where everyone has their own building on the same property, and then there is one communal space where people go to hang out...I have always imagined these types of communities as fluid, though, with some lifers, and some members who come and go (and that I could at any point be one of them). None of them would specifically be my committed partner(s).

The only type of life-long commitment I feel like I can make to someone is an emotional one...Agreements to eternally share large amounts of time and space freak me out. XD But, theoretically, a platonic partner could be simply an emotional commitment to rely on each other for primary emotional support/companionship. I might live or spend lots of time with such a person at certain periods in our lives, but neither of those things would be defining or necessary features of the relationship. A platonic partnership with that kind of premise I think I could handle, in some ways it sounds ideal.

I love how you worded that, I've always disliked the idea of having to promise to share everything with one person. It's never made any sense to me, and I don't get why anyone would want that, but I have also wanted to live with a group of really close friends that I could be completely comfortable with. I have this kind of fantasy that one day I'll move into some kind cohousing situation and will become really close to everyone there and we'll spend a lot of time together but there'll be no scary commitment to it. That sounds kind of dumb but that's always been something I've envied about tv characters. That they always have such great friendships and relationships with the people around them, I couldn't care less about the romance aspect of the shows.

[Éadweard]

New article:

 

7 things you should know about identifying as aromantic — or not being romantically attracted to others

 

link here:

 

https://www.thisisinsider.com/what-is-aromantic-2018-7

[Snao Cone]

17 hours ago, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ said:

New article:

 

7 things you should know about identifying as aromantic — or not being romantically attracted to others

 

link here:

 

https://www.thisisinsider.com/what-is-aromantic-2018-7

When I see articles like that, at the back of my mind it just feels like they're setting other people up to invalidate me when I express myself - if I say I don't want a partner because I'm aromantic, they might say "But this article I read said aromantic people can still want to be in relationships, so that's not an excuse." The same goes with sex and asexuality. Yes, in a technical sense, some aro people are still in conventional relationships. I'm still completely allowed to use my aromanticism as a reason not to seek a partner.

[To Each Their Own]

29 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

When I see articles like that, at the back of my mind it just feels like they're setting other people up to invalidate me when I express myself - if I say I don't want a partner because I'm aromantic, they might say "But this article I read said aromantic people can still want to be in relationships, so that's not an excuse." The same goes with sex and asexuality. Yes, in a technical sense, some aro people are still in conventional relationships. I'm still completely allowed to use my aromanticism as a reason not to seek a partner.

I’m confused. Why do I (or you) need an excuse? If I don’t want to be in a relationship I don’t owe anyone any explanations. And anyone who thinks that I owe them an explanation beyond “no” can fuck off. 

[Snao Cone]

20 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

I’m confused. Why do I (or you) need an excuse? If I don’t want to be in a relationship I don’t owe anyone any explanations. And anyone who thinks that I owe them an explanation beyond “no” can fuck off. 

I'm not saying that we need an excuse. I'm going to live my life how I want to. It's actually so rare for me to ever be willing to communicate any part of my motivation or desires to anyone else because I know that they're going to ask questions that I don't feel like I need to answer to justify how I live. But if people read articles like that and think "Oh, that sounds like Snao Cone, I'm going to tell her that she can still find someone to spend the rest of her life with" then that's an added annoyance of awkward conversation I don't want to have with people I'd rather not become pests of my personal life. I'm not depending on them to think of me in a certain light or else I'll melt into nothingness, if that's the direction of your confusion here. I am an individual person capable of standing up on my own.

[Éadweard]

Well, anyone, no matter what their orientation, can chose to not seek out a partner and prefer a single life. 

[Snao Cone]

Yes they can, for any reason (or no reason). People should feel free to express their reasons, too, without being rebutted on their own feelings.

[To Each Their Own]

1 hour ago, Snao Cone said:

I'm not saying that we need an excuse. I'm going to live my life how I want to. It's actually so rare for me to ever be willing to communicate any part of my motivation or desires to anyone else because I know that they're going to ask questions that I don't feel like I need to answer to justify how I live. But if people read articles like that and think "Oh, that sounds like Snao Cone, I'm going to tell her that she can still find someone to spend the rest of her life with" then that's an added annoyance of awkward conversation I don't want to have with people I'd rather not become pests of my personal life. I'm not depending on them to think of me in a certain light or else I'll melt into nothingness, if that's the direction of your confusion here. I am an individual person capable of standing up on my own.

Yes, I guess that is the direction of my confusion. I read it as someone wanting to be in a relationship with you that couldn’t take no for an answer without an explaination because they didn’t think that being aromantic was a good excuse to rebuff their romantic advances.

 

Now I see that it’s more that you have friends that are trying to get you to open yourself up to being in a romantic relationship. I can’t even begin to imagine how annoying that must be.

[Snao Cone]

10 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

. I read it as someone wanting to be in a relationship with you that couldn’t take no for an answer without an explaination because they didn’t think that being aromantic was a good excuse to rebuff their romantic advances.

 Oh god, I would sock that person if they wouldn't leave me be.  I work with a few middle aged women who think they're hip moms, so I'm not worried about getting hit on - just spoken down to in the name of "nurturing" and "support".

[Anthracite_Impreza]

32 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I work with a few middle aged women who think they're hip moms, so I'm not worried about getting hit on - just spoken down to in the name of "nurturing" and "support".

Any time anyone ever says I should have children now, I just say I'm a single parent to X amount of snaillets. For some reason they don't talk to me much after that

I currently have only temporary snaillets so I'll have no kids to brag about soon! D=

[CoffeeNumbers]

I've had the inkling that I'm asexual for a while, but just recently I read this article from 2015 that made me realize/accept the very high likelihood that I'm aro as well. 

 

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/aromantic-romance-relationship/

 

This pretty much describes my relationships to a T.

 

Anyone else have that kind of sudden realization?

[RakshaTheCat]

On 7/28/2018 at 3:06 PM, Snao Cone said:

Yes, in a technical sense, some aro people are still in conventional relationships. I'm still completely allowed to use my aromanticism as a reason not to seek a partner.

Hmm, I wonder if better labels would help. Aro who is open to close relationship shouldn't have different label than aro who doesn't care about them at all?

Kind of why I use 'demiromantic' for myself. I still have no idea what 'romantic' means so I feel aro would suit me better, yet I find close relationship (including living together) as something very fun and wouldn't mind that at all. So putting me and you in the same bag would end up kind of misleading...

[Guest]

On 7/28/2018 at 7:43 PM, CoffeeNumbers said:

I've had the inkling that I'm asexual for a while, but just recently I read this article from 2015 that made me realize/accept the very high likelihood that I'm aro as well. 

 

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/aromantic-romance-relationship/

 

This pretty much describes my relationships to a T.

 

Anyone else have that kind of sudden realization?

Asexuality was my sudden realization. Being aro on the other hand took years.

[RakshaTheCat]

35 minutes ago, Tempesta said:

Being aro on the other hand took years.

Now you made me curious, how did you end up discovering that? Because I'm trying to figure this out myself, and it's kinda hard...

[To Each Their Own]

On 7/31/2018 at 1:30 PM, Marcin said:

Now you made me curious, how did you end up discovering that? Because I'm trying to figure this out myself, and it's kinda hard...

You didn’t ask me (obviously), but it was easy for me to figure out I was aro because every time I would imagine myself in a romantic relationship it would stress me out. 

 

I knew I was aromantic and asexual before I even knew the words. I knew this about 16 years ago. I didn’t know what to call it, but that’s when I “stopped all the madness.”

 

You know how people set you up on dates? And constantly nag you when you’re single? So I would sometimes go out on a date or whatever. Then I would think it through and imagine having a full-on relationship. 

 

The whole situation was so absurd to me because i said to myself, what the hell am i even doing going out on a date? I hate this! This is gross! Why am I even putting myself through THIS? And it only gets worse after this because then there is touching, hand-holding, snuggles, kisses, cuddles… BREATHING!!! IN MY EAR!!! 

 

So i was finally able to understand that the only reason why I was even trying to date is because of pressure from society. I stopped it right from that point on. When I finally found the asexual community and learned about aromantism, I was relieved to find there were other people like me. 

 

 

[RakshaTheCat]

Thanks for your insights, @To Each Their Own! Sorry you got pushed into some nightmarish kinds of relationships, I wouldn't like them myself.

 

I have a feeling that we think of slightly different thing when we talk about relationship though (society's take on relationship looks like a nightmare to me, so I never even considered it seriously anyway). For me, being in relationship means just sharing life with best friend. Friend with whom we can feel completely safe with, because we know that neither will try to force anything uncomfortable upon the other. None of things you mentioned are necessary for relationship in my opinion. It all depends on individuals' tastes and needs, kind of like in bdsm play really.

 

Just to summarize, I'd like to find friend compatible enough with whom we could build our lives together. That's it. Is this romantic or not really?  

[To Each Their Own]

19 hours ago, Marcin said:

Thanks for your insights, @To Each Their Own! Sorry you got pushed into some nightmarish kinds of relationships, I wouldn't like them myself.

Thank goodness they never got that far. 😁

 

As for what you want, seek it out. Who cares what it’s called? Does it have to have a name for you to have it? Probably not. 

[RakshaTheCat]

On 8/5/2018 at 2:18 AM, To Each Their Own said:

As for what you want, seek it out. Who cares what it’s called? Does it have to have a name for you to have it? Probably not. 

Labels are useful on others while seeking them out though, since it let's narrow down the search fast.

 

Kind of like label 'sadist' is useful to you, because it makes looking for people to play with much easier

[Guest]

On 7/31/2018 at 10:30 PM, Marcin said:

Now you made me curious, how did you end up discovering that? Because I'm trying to figure this out myself, and it's kinda hard...

Nice little cliffhanger I left there, right 😉. Ok, I'll try to explain. At length, apparently 🙈.

 

Since the discovery of asexuality at age 20 was a bombshell-event, I felt that now all my problems with relationships would be solved instantly. Because of course the source of all those problems was that I was afraid touching and kissing and stuff would lead to sex, and that had always been out of the question, whether I consciously knew it or not. So with this insight I started a relationship with a guy that I felt comfortable with, made me laugh, and someone I saw myself spend time with. I explained to him that sex really wasn't my thing, and that I was still discovering my limits, likes and dislikes with respect to any other physical intimacy. Boy, was he understanding! It still amazes me now, he was a giant sweetheart. But apart from learning my physical limits (let's just say the "fun" stops really really quickly) within weeks I felt reluctant to see him every weekend. Like it was an obligation to see each other as much as possible. I would've been fine with seeing each other like every two to three weeks, and just email or text or whatever in between. I didn't understand his need to see me so much, if it were up to him it would be every day. Besides, that whole butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling that everyone kept talking about? No idea what that was, never had it. I got fed up with everything and ended the relationship.

 

Ok, so this was just one relationship where the guy in question just turned out to be really clingy. It happens. Surely not everyone is like that? But my next two boyfriends turned out to have the same "problem" of wanting to see me at least every weekend, and the relationships were equally brief. And what a relief I felt every time it was over! Like I got out of prison and finally free again. I started talking carefully with others about how they experienced their love life, at the beginning, at the end, how often they see each other. Comparing it with my experiences, something was missing. So, again I was different than most. It was the asexuality thing all over again. Even once I came by the term aromantic, I didn't identify with it, because I felt such a need for a deep connection to someone who is not family.

 

This all played out over a decade or so, and all I was able to conclude was that I just wasn't relationship material. There was a need to connect, but once I had a connection I had no idea what to do, because how I saw a relationship didn't compare to what most people consider a normal romantic relationship (normal is of course incredibly relative, but at that point it was how I felt).

 

And then one one of my trips abroad I met two amazing women. None of us knew each other previously but we clicked instantly, talking to each other about everything and nothing, from the most superficial nonsense to deep subjects. In a few weeks time a bond of friendship was formed of such strength, it has survived being long-distance and only seeing each other once every couple of months for a few years now while our friendship strengthened even more. It was the first time in my life that I had such friends. Before, friends were just people I hung out with, not have any deep conversations with. So I had no idea this kind of deep connection existed outside the whole romantic thing. Since then, a hole I wasn't aware of filled up with these two women, and I finally felt complete. That longing for a connection wasn't a romantic longing, just a deep one. I have no idea how to act in a romantic relationship, but being in this friendship I know my way around instinctually. I read about being aro again and could now identify with most, if not all, of it.

 

Hope this helps a bit Marcin, if you've made it to the end 😁

[RakshaTheCat]

14 minutes ago, Tempesta said:

Hope this helps a bit Marcin, if you've made it to the end 😁

Wow, thanks, definitely worth reading

 

One question though. With people you form deep connection, you also don't want to spend most time with them? You still just contact them every few weeks or so? You wouldn't consider sharing life with them? Or you actually do?

 

[Guest]

Just for clarification: I actually have weekly, sometimes daily digital contact with my deep connections, I just don't see them all that much face to face. When it doesn't feel like an obligation, like in a relationship, I tend to share lots of the little things in a text or so. And if it's quiet for a week, no one bats an eye.

 

To answer your question, there's maybe one person where the idea of making a platonic life together doesn't immediately make me go run for the hills. I'm a bit scared if the reality would live up to the idea though. But for now I like living alone, which probably has more to do with personality traits than aromanticism, I think?

[RakshaTheCat]

11 hours ago, Tempesta said:

When it doesn't feel like an obligation, like in a relationship, I tend to share lots of the little things in a text or so. And if it's quiet for a week, no one bats an eye.

I don't think that anything should be an obligation in relationship, that's not how I want my relationships to work. For me, it's a must to communicate to each other what we want and how often.

 

11 hours ago, Tempesta said:

I'm a bit scared if the reality would live up to the idea though. But for now I like living alone, which probably has more to do with personality traits than aromanticism, I think?

Would you like to share what's your idea for living together? I'm curious and always keen to compare notes, since it might help me to refine my idea for it.

 

I definitely agree, living alone is great. I just noticed that for me, it can be even more fun when shared with compatible person, that's all.

[AllTalk]

Hi all, I was pointed in this direction after I posted a question in the grey-sexual forum. Essentially, "so what if a person has zero desire for forming partnered relationships, but they are still sexual in terms of attraction, enjoyment of sexuality, etc??" 

 

So now I'm here, wondering if this might be me?? 

 

I've never really wanted to date, to have boyfriends or girlfriends, to find that one person to be with forever. I dated minimally I'm high school, with the most successful relationship ending with a breakup and continuing to be BFFs for years after. I didn't date throughout college, preferring the one-nighters where I didn't feel pressured to continue with anything after our encounter. I'm now in my mid-30s, watching all my friends go through their lives married with young kids. And I'm not jealous, I don't crave what they have ... Really I'm just baffled by what in the world would make them want that for a life?? 

 

But I don't fit into the asexual club. I like sex, I like reading romances and watching porn and enjoying a good orgasm. I find plenty of men and women attractive. But purely sexual, with no tingles toward anything other than eye-candy territory. 

 

I've always assumed that I'm just more focused on my career than a family ... But that would imply that I actively passed up on having a family in order to follow other paths. And that's not the case, I've never wanted that so there was no decision to give it up. I mean, I'm really happy being alone! I have friends that I'm close with, but that "find your match" switch was just never flicked in my brain. 

 

So, is this consistent with aromanticism?? Is this a club that I can belong to?! Or am I really just a frigid spinster?? 😉 

[Neutral nerd]

1 hour ago, AllTalk said:

Hi all, I was pointed in this direction after I posted a question in the grey-sexual forum. Essentially, "so what if a person has zero desire for forming partnered relationships, but they are still sexual in terms of attraction, enjoyment of sexuality, etc??" 

 

So now I'm here, wondering if this might be me?? 

 

I've never really wanted to date, to have boyfriends or girlfriends, to find that one person to be with forever. I dated minimally I'm high school, with the most successful relationship ending with a breakup and continuing to be BFFs for years after. I didn't date throughout college, preferring the one-nighters where I didn't feel pressured to continue with anything after our encounter. I'm now in my mid-30s, watching all my friends go through their lives married with young kids. And I'm not jealous, I don't crave what they have ... Really I'm just baffled by what in the world would make them want that for a life?? 

 

But I don't fit into the asexual club. I like sex, I like reading romances and watching porn and enjoying a good orgasm. I find plenty of men and women attractive. But purely sexual, with no tingles toward anything other than eye-candy territory. 

 

I've always assumed that I'm just more focused on my career than a family ... But that would imply that I actively passed up on having a family in order to follow other paths. And that's not the case, I've never wanted that so there was no decision to give it up. I mean, I'm really happy being alone! I have friends that I'm close with, but that "find your match" switch was just never flicked in my brain. 

 

So, is this consistent with aromanticism?? Is this a club that I can belong to?! Or am I really just a frigid spinster?? 😉 

That sounds like you're aromantic but still sexual, after all romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction. So i guess, welcome to the club of people who don't really see any particular point to marriage! Truly a confounding mystery.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

3 hours ago, AllTalk said:

Hi all, I was pointed in this direction after I posted a question in the grey-sexual forum. Essentially, "so what if a person has zero desire for forming partnered relationships, but they are still sexual in terms of attraction, enjoyment of sexuality, etc??" 

 

So now I'm here, wondering if this might be me?? 

 

I've never really wanted to date, to have boyfriends or girlfriends, to find that one person to be with forever. I dated minimally I'm high school, with the most successful relationship ending with a breakup and continuing to be BFFs for years after. I didn't date throughout college, preferring the one-nighters where I didn't feel pressured to continue with anything after our encounter. I'm now in my mid-30s, watching all my friends go through their lives married with young kids. And I'm not jealous, I don't crave what they have ... Really I'm just baffled by what in the world would make them want that for a life?? 

 

But I don't fit into the asexual club. I like sex, I like reading romances and watching porn and enjoying a good orgasm. I find plenty of men and women attractive. But purely sexual, with no tingles toward anything other than eye-candy territory. 

 

I've always assumed that I'm just more focused on my career than a family ... But that would imply that I actively passed up on having a family in order to follow other paths. And that's not the case, I've never wanted that so there was no decision to give it up. I mean, I'm really happy being alone! I have friends that I'm close with, but that "find your match" switch was just never flicked in my brain. 

 

So, is this consistent with aromanticism?? Is this a club that I can belong to?! Or am I really just a frigid spinster?? 😉 

You're a sexual predator! Joke

 

No, but that's what a lot of sexual aros have traditionally been labelled as. Want sex without a (monogamous, preferably straight) romantic relationship? Deviancy! That's why sexual aros aren't well known and why you're now questioning yourself, because you sound like a textbook sexual aromantic to me. As long as everyone is informed of the informal nature of the encounter I don't get why anyone gives a fuck (excuse the pun, entirely unintentional). Romance ain't for everyone.

[AllTalk]

9 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

You're a sexual predator! Joke

 

World's worst sexual predator. I haven't scored a win in 7 years. Heck, haven't bothered to LOOK for 7 years. 😁

 

I legitimately tried to have a "no strings" relationship with someone 7 years ago, and it tanked within a month when he started pushing for romantic couple stuff.

 

I don't WANT to mess with ppl, hurt feelings, lead ppl on. But I knew even 7 years ago that when I said "I don't want a relationship" I meant it forever, while any other person might mean it now, but that their emotions might change with time. 

 

And I certainly don't want to come across as heartless or sociopathic. Haha. I have very dear friends that I love deeply. All purely platonic. I do care about ppl and (despite being blunt and abrasively sarcastic haha) I try very hard to be caring and accepting and helpful to everyone I meet. I just don't crave that partnership, the yin to my yang. I lack whatever it is that drives all other living creatures to find a mate and procreate. 😜

[WoodwindWhistler]

On 8/20/2018 at 6:40 AM, AllTalk said:

World's worst sexual predator. I haven't scored a win in 7 years. Heck, haven't bothered to LOOK for 7 years. 😁

 

I legitimately tried to have a "no strings" relationship with someone 7 years ago, and it tanked within a month when he started pushing for romantic couple stuff.

 

I don't WANT to mess with ppl, hurt feelings, lead ppl on. But I knew even 7 years ago that when I said "I don't want a relationship" I meant it forever, while any other person might mean it now, but that their emotions might change with time. 

 

And I certainly don't want to come across as heartless or sociopathic. Haha. I have very dear friends that I love deeply. All purely platonic. I do care about ppl and (despite being blunt and abrasively sarcastic haha) I try very hard to be caring and accepting and helpful to everyone I meet. I just don't crave that partnership, the yin to my yang. I lack whatever it is that drives all other living creatures to find a mate and procreate. 😜

I'd be interested to hear what you had to say about this, and how you approach detangling or treating people afterwards:
 

 

[AllTalk]

2 hours ago, WoodwindWhistler said:

I'd be interested to hear what you had to say about this, and how you approach detangling or treating people afterwards:
 

 

I'm not really qualified to speak on that, I don't think.

I've attempted dating, and it never lead to sex, I split before it ever got to that. (< there's my aro part!)

I've had casual sex, and in every instance it was explicitly clear from the beginning that it was only ever going to be sex. I only once had an issue arise where, despite having a sober, adult, face to face discussion of "this will NOT lead to anything beyond sex", the other partner ended up wanting more. In every other case, we did our thing, had a good time, and went separate directions in the morning, just like we agreed to before the act.

For the past handful of years, I haven't attempted to date and I haven't attempted to find sex partners. The dating part, because I've accepted that it just really really isn't for me, and I don't even want the eventual outcome that is implicit in dating (ie. the partnership). The sex part because I didn't want to wind up in a scenario where I would have to ghost out on someone again! Where, even though we agreed "no strings" going into things, the other person's feelings got the better of them and they wanted more. I know that there is always that aspect of emotions building on their part, and I know I would get out as soon as I sensed that happening. I don't want to be "that person", so I manage to take care of things on my own. If there was some way to guarantee that the other person and I were on the same wavelength regarding (non-)continuance of a relationship, then I'd be more active. But, until that opportunity arises, I'm have no real need to seek out sex partners. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

4 hours ago, AllTalk said:

I'm not really qualified to speak on that, I don't think.

I've attempted dating, and it never lead to sex, I split before it ever got to that. (< there's my aro part!)

I've had casual sex, and in every instance it was explicitly clear from the beginning that it was only ever going to be sex. I only once had an issue arise where, despite having a sober, adult, face to face discussion of "this will NOT lead to anything beyond sex", the other partner ended up wanting more. In every other case, we did our thing, had a good time, and went separate directions in the morning, just like we agreed to before the act.

For the past handful of years, I haven't attempted to date and I haven't attempted to find sex partners. The dating part, because I've accepted that it just really really isn't for me, and I don't even want the eventual outcome that is implicit in dating (ie. the partnership). The sex part because I didn't want to wind up in a scenario where I would have to ghost out on someone again! Where, even though we agreed "no strings" going into things, the other person's feelings got the better of them and they wanted more. I know that there is always that aspect of emotions building on their part, and I know I would get out as soon as I sensed that happening. I don't want to be "that person", so I manage to take care of things on my own. If there was some way to guarantee that the other person and I were on the same wavelength regarding (non-)continuance of a relationship, then I'd be more active. But, until that opportunity arises, I'm have no real need to seek out sex partners. 

Maybe you should make them sign a pre-coitus relationship agreement

 

[WoodwindWhistler]

22 hours ago, AllTalk said:

I'm not really qualified to speak on that, I don't think.

I've attempted dating, and it never lead to sex, I split before it ever got to that. (< there's my aro part!)

I've had casual sex, and in every instance it was explicitly clear from the beginning that it was only ever going to be sex. I only once had an issue arise where, despite having a sober, adult, face to face discussion of "this will NOT lead to anything beyond sex", the other partner ended up wanting more. In every other case, we did our thing, had a good time, and went separate directions in the morning, just like we agreed to before the act.

For the past handful of years, I haven't attempted to date and I haven't attempted to find sex partners. The dating part, because I've accepted that it just really really isn't for me, and I don't even want the eventual outcome that is implicit in dating (ie. the partnership). The sex part because I didn't want to wind up in a scenario where I would have to ghost out on someone again! Where, even though we agreed "no strings" going into things, the other person's feelings got the better of them and they wanted more. I know that there is always that aspect of emotions building on their part, and I know I would get out as soon as I sensed that happening. I don't want to be "that person", so I manage to take care of things on my own. If there was some way to guarantee that the other person and I were on the same wavelength regarding (non-)continuance of a relationship, then I'd be more active. But, until that opportunity arises, I'm have no real need to seek out sex partners. 

So you've had no success in establishing any sort of 'friends with benefits' situation? Did anyone ask for less than dating, but not just hookup? Did you ever suggest it?