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The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)


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54 minutes ago, Tuple said:

I was doing some research on aromanticism and came across Arocalypse, an online community for aros that looks similar to AVEN but with a lot less people. Does anyone here belong to Arocalypse? If so, do you participate in the community and do you find it helpful?

I do. I use the same user name there. It’s mostly the same people on here. The only helpful thing is it’s main focus is aromanticism and not asexuality. 

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Hey,

I’ve been wondering, could it be part of aromantic in me that doesn’t want to be touched.

I like to be around other people and occasional hugs, but on my terms. I don’t like people to come too near me and just touching me, like on my shoulder/ or etc.

I know, I have big personal space (arms stretched wide and that sized circle around me). Usually I let people I know and care about closer to me than that. But sometimes I ask even my mom to take step or two backwards, because her closeness starts to distress me.

Anyone here who could relate  to that, or is it just me?

 

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On 1/8/2018 at 8:21 PM, GreyGoddess said:

I thought Arocalypse had closed down. I think I've tried to visit it before.

This is actually the second Arocalypse. A friend (Ciri) put together the original Arocalypse some time ago, and I was an admin on there. Heck, I actually came up with the site's name. :P When the domain expired, the site owner decided not to renew it, so another person bought the domain name and built a new aromantic forum with the same name. After AroPlane and the first Arocalypse died, I was definitely glad to see a new site rise up to take their place, but by then, I wasn't really invested enough in aromantic conversation to get involved as an admod like I did on the other aro sites.

 

The aro forums are always fun, but are usually quick to fall into inactivity compared to larger boards. Can't say I'm very active in Aro spaces beyond maybe this one private Facebook group though, and even there, I mostly lurk. Most aro discussion is stuff I've pondered/sorted out before, so there's only so much I can say nowadays.

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Divide By Zero
13 hours ago, PurpleFlower said:

Hey,

I’ve been wondering, could it be part of aromantic in me that doesn’t want to be touched.

I like to be around other people and occasional hugs, but on my terms. I don’t like people to come too near me and just touching me, like on my shoulder/ or etc.

I know, I have big personal space (arms stretched wide and that sized circle around me). Usually I let people I know and care about closer to me than that. But sometimes I ask even my mom to take step or two backwards, because her closeness starts to distress me.

Anyone here who could relate  to that, or is it just me?

 

Yeah, me too. I'm not a big fan of being touched or touching other people. I sometimes wonder if there's a connection with being aromantic.

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Hello! So let me go straight to the point. I'm an aromantic pansexual. And I have a squish! Well. He confessed to me. We're great friends and he respects my sexuality. Since I love him so much (yknow, as friends), I told him he's like my squish. Well not 'like' my squish. He's exactly my squish. So he asked me, later on, that if he's my squish and I'm his crush, is that still considered MU? (Mutual understanding)

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Wierd_Asexual
On 1/18/2014 at 9:28 AM, poindexter said:

Is this the thread where we plan for world domination while everyone else is busy falling in love?

Totally!....

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999papercranes

I just remembered a weird thing that happened when I was talking to my mom about being aromantic (before I came out to her as trans.) The first thing she said was, “Is it because you think guys are gross or annoying or mean?” 

I found that so strange. I’m not a ten year-old... I don’t think boys have cooties. I’m just not attracted to them. :lol:

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On 1/19/2018 at 2:51 AM, 999papercranes said:

I just remembered a weird thing that happened when I was talking to my mom about being aromantic (before I came out to her as trans.) The first thing she said was, “Is it because you think guys are gross or annoying or mean?” 

I found that so strange. I’m not a ten year-old... I don’t think boys have cooties. I’m just not attracted to them. :lol:

My family also has this idea that I think boys are gross or something... And I haven't even come out to them. I dunno if telling them will make them understand me better or just think I'm officially a weirdo :blink::D.

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One thing I can say about Romantic relationships: they're confusing, and I don't understand them... It just seems so overly complicated...

 

The rules of aromantic dating:

1 - Don't date.

2 - Don't intervene in others romantic complications.

 

2, is very important -_- - I fail at being a relationships adviser. Come to me with friend troubles.

----

Person/friend: "My husband left me! - what am I going to do?! BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!"

Me: "Eh... Talk to him..?"

Person/friend: *starts ranting and crying*

Me: o_o

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On 1/17/2018 at 1:28 AM, Tuple said:
On 1/16/2018 at 11:34 AM, PurpleFlower said:

Hey,

I’ve been wondering, could it be part of aromantic in me that doesn’t want to be touched.

I like to be around other people and occasional hugs, but on my terms. I don’t like people to come too near me and just touching me, like on my shoulder/ or etc.

I know, I have big personal space (arms stretched wide and that sized circle around me). Usually I let people I know and care about closer to me than that. But sometimes I ask even my mom to take step or two backwards, because her closeness starts to distress me.

Anyone here who could relate  to that, or is it just me?

 

Yeah, me too. I'm not a big fan of being touched or touching other people. I sometimes wonder if there's a connection with being aromantic.

Same here... Even though I have quite a high sensual attraction, it develops so slowly and so rarely, that it takes 5 years for me to trust someone to even touch my shoulder.

 

But still, even with sensual attraction - it must be on my own terms!

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1 hour ago, ThatHuman said:

2 - Don't intervene in others romantic complications.

 

2, is very important -_- - I fail at being a relationships adviser. Come to me with friend troubles.

It's funny, I'm an educator who loves being a mentor figure to people, but I can't stand being asked for direct "what should I do" advice. Doubly so when it's related to romance woes. Here's the response I tend to give:

 

"If there's one piece of advice I can give you, it's 'don't ask me for advice.'" :P

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WoodwindWhistler
On 1/18/2018 at 8:25 AM, sadmadcat said:

Hello! So let me go straight to the point. I'm an aromantic pansexual. And I have a squish! Well. He confessed to me. We're great friends and he respects my sexuality. Since I love him so much (yknow, as friends), I told him he's like my squish. Well not 'like' my squish. He's exactly my squish. So he asked me, later on, that if he's my squish and I'm his crush, is that still considered MU? (Mutual understanding)

What specifically does mutual understanding mean? I mean, if I were to hear that phrase, I would say yeah, but it seems to have some sort of exact usage? 

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On 16-1-2018 at 12:34 PM, PurpleFlower said:

Hey,

I’ve been wondering, could it be part of aromantic in me that doesn’t want to be touched.

I like to be around other people and occasional hugs, but on my terms. I don’t like people to come too near me and just touching me, like on my shoulder/ or etc.

I know, I have big personal space (arms stretched wide and that sized circle around me). Usually I let people I know and care about closer to me than that. But sometimes I ask even my mom to take step or two backwards, because her closeness starts to distress me.

Anyone here who could relate  to that, or is it just me?

 

Yes! Like, EXACTLY!!! If I'm used to people and trust them I sometimes even like touches and hugs. When they're brief. And on my terms. According to my mom I've always been that way, even as a kid.

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i've dissociated with the idea of ever becoming romantic or sexual towards another as a way to stay sober and keep my sanity too. I am thankful for threads and message boards like these. I am 33 years old. I really want to focus on polishing my life condition so that way everyone around me in affect will go with the flow. 

 

i have accepted that i need to be asexual, aromantic, and sober for life.

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here_on_the_morrow

I never knew aromantic was a thing until very recently. And here i am, thinking "oh shit, that's me." Can i be married and stay married but identify as aro? Cuz that's how i feel. I feel like if i had known about aro when i was younger my life would be different. But i ended up married because i thought i was supposed to, and now i love this person, but... in a different world...

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On 18.1.2018 at 2:25 PM, sadmadcat said:

Hello! So let me go straight to the point. I'm an aromantic pansexual. And I have a squish! Well. He confessed to me. We're great friends and he respects my sexuality. Since I love him so much (yknow, as friends), I told him he's like my squish. Well not 'like' my squish. He's exactly my squish. So he asked me, later on, that if he's my squish and I'm his crush, is that still considered MU? (Mutual understanding)

Well, I don't see a real problem here? I guess he wants to be in a relationship with you? Would that be fine with you? If you consider it, you could suggest a queerplatonic relationship. If he's fine with what you're able to give and feel and you're fine with being romantically loved by him it should be fine...

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On 2/6/2018 at 4:55 PM, abby83 said:

Can i be married and stay married but identify as aro? Cuz that's how i feel. 

Of course you can! Self discovery can come at any point in life and it doesn't mean you have to change everything. And if you love the person and you've been together for a long time does it really matter wether the love is platonic or romantic?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm not Aromantic (I'm lithromantic, so I'm on the Aro spectrum, I think) but y'all have a superpower. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Imagine a hero of a book/movie/show being dosed with a love potion by the villain, then the villain releases the hero from their restraints, expecting mindless devotion! And the hero just stabs the villain and goes, "Actually I'm aromantic."

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  • 3 weeks later...

I certainly don't fit the aromantic stereotype lol... I'm a loving friend and I like hugs and I'm very expressive of my enthusiasm, YAY, <3!!! (In real life, I'm constantly bubbling with passion)

 

I'm the farthest possible thing from the "monster robot of no emotion with a logical brain" stereotype... I question if I even have a functioning brain lol!

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I'm goofy and loving but with people I don't know very well I can seem like a highly rational monster robot without any emotion. But just because someone is acting that way doesn't necessarily mean that is how they really are. I've struggled with social anxiety along with being a very shy person anyway.

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I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm aromantic. That was much more distressing than me realizing I'm asexual. Being alone forever is kinda depressing... And even though I don't feel romantic feelings I still sometimes want someone in my life that will comfort me, lay with me, look after me. Not romance, just human companionship. Is that strange? Am I alone in that?  

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@Renee1016 That's not strange at all. Aromantics can still want closeness. I found accepting my aromanticism extremely distressing, too. You don't necessarily have to be alone, though. Even though most people wind up getting into relationships and getting married, not everyone does. For various reasons. So you could still find a really close friend - someone to spend time with, possibly even live with. I think that's what I want.

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On 3/11/2018 at 9:55 PM, Renee1016 said:

I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm aromantic. That was much more distressing than me realizing I'm asexual. Being alone forever is kinda depressing... And even though I don't feel romantic feelings I still sometimes want someone in my life that will comfort me, lay with me, look after me. Not romance, just human companionship. Is that strange? Am I alone in that?

I'm going through a very similar thing. I'm really kind of upset with society for "reserving" things like prolonged hugs, sleeping together, and cuddling for romantic relationships. One of my friends I used to hug said she really can't anymore because her boyfriend isn't okay with it. I feel like there is hardly any room in my culture for physical closeness in a nonromantic context.

 

The thing is, I'm not really sure if I even know what romance is. I do know that I don't feel a need to start a relationship that I consider "romantic". But I do know I want that kind of close companionship - but not in an exclusive way. I remember back in the summer of 2012, I once cuddled with a close friend and no one considered it romantic and it just felt so perfect. In the moment, I thought I was straight because I liked being so close to my female friend that one time we cuddled. But it never occurred to me as strange how honored I felt when she called me "best friend" afterwards. It really never occurred to me that I had just been "friendzoned" - I guess because I'm aromantic.

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On 1/18/2018 at 8:25 AM, sadmadcat said:

Hello! So let me go straight to the point. I'm an aromantic pansexual. And I have a squish! Well. He confessed to me. We're great friends and he respects my sexuality. Since I love him so much (yknow, as friends), I told him he's like my squish. Well not 'like' my squish. He's exactly my squish. So he asked me, later on, that if he's my squish and I'm his crush, is that still considered MU? (Mutual understanding)

As long as you both understand each other as a squish / crush pair, I would consider it MU. However, you clearly cannot call this a QPR since there is romantic attraction on one side, but I guess QPR is a good stand-in name for it since I don't know what you would call this relationship. But you could experiment with calling each other cucumbers ('cause QPR partners are called zucchini, and cucumbers look similar to zucchini :) )

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  • 2 weeks later...

A semi-sure aromantic/asexual here. Currently a little unsure and dealing with the whole “you’re too young to make that decision” situation with my mother. Really not helping my confidence on the matter

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Neutral nerd

How the heck could it hurt to decide your orientation as ace/aro earlier?? It's not a major issue like sex, in fact it's just deciding not to have sex you don't want. She can't force you to date, nobody has that kind of power. Just go with what is right for you, and have plenty of :cake: while your at it 0u0

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I’ve made it several years and have never met anyone I’m attracted to. After all these years I’m pretty sure it’s never going to happen. So why wait?

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