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The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)


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rainbowocollie

I'm watching Bloom Into You, which has an aroace character and the main character is probably grey-aro or demiromantic. It's just making me appreciate being aromantic, even though it is a romance anime.

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a little annihilation

actively talking about romantic situations makes me feel more aro. usually i don't even think about it because there's no reason to. i used to think i must be romantic because i'm everything a stereotypical aro isn't. i've always loved romance and physical affection in movies and there is a section of my life specifically dedicated to all the time i've spent fantasizing about kissing. but like romance as a thingy i just do not grasp. it seems like friendship but with inconceivable and nonsensical extra steps and rules, and i can't do with social rules. friendship has enough of them already. idek. i just wanna have a relationship without having to seek it out like truffles. and the only way to get that is to be social. and being social makes me miserable. so. 

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  • 5 weeks later...
BagelBunnyCat

I am either aromantic or demiromantic. I had a strong emotional connection to a friend and thought the best logical step was to date them. We got married but unfortunately it didn't last. I never cared if we were in a romantic relationship or not but I wish it never happened so we could of still been friends still. They cheated on me and I surprisingly didn't care just how they ended things. I also tried coming out as ace to them several times and they just kept saying I couldn't be which was frustrating. I do love them but I don't think it's the same as romantic love every one is talking about the more people describe it. If I have romantic attraction it's very little. I just feel bad about the whole thing

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Squirrel Combat

I feel that I may belong in the Aro group. I

 

still experience romantic attraction, and respond well to any woman who makes a romantic move, and I do want that too, but I'm so bad at initiating it. I just can't get the timing right. Everytime I have tried to be overtly romantic, everything went bad fast.

 

I'm starting to wonder if it's because I'm actually less interested in romantic relationships and just want something platonic and only do romance stuff within the territory of my fetishes and just indulge in those with someone, but be (exclusive and long-term committed) friends, based on love, the rest of the time.

 

Or maybe I still haven't figured myself out and what I really want.

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J. van Deijck

It took me years to learn I'm arospec (still oriented, but that's a detail). I've been wondering why people make that big fuss about all that lovey-dovey stuff. My love manifests differently. My love is fidelity and loyalty, not calling each other "babe" and bringing flowers. Obviously I don't say it's either one or the other, I know it can be both at the same time. Just for me, that romantic stuff is not necessary to love and form relationships. 

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  • 2 months later...
GloomyGhost

I haven't been here in years.

I just left an on-line group I'd been in for years because of one of the members being an asshole about aromantics. It was pretty much the only group where I felt like I could be myself, at least to some extent. This person had been around for over 2 years and I never noticed any red flags, so I was quite disappointed.

 

I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea to ping an aromantic to shit on aromantics to them. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, chances to explain what he meant, and he kept doubling down. Then he tried to say that he wasn't talking about me (an asexual woman), but heterosexual aromantic men, that he considered it "an excuse to be opportunistic, vulgar and entitled". Well, I don't like it when people shit on other aromantics, and on top that the member of that group I am the closest to, and who helped me when I was in a vulnerable state, happens to be a heterosexual aromantic man (which the asshole probably didn't realize). So this didn't sit well with me at all. I didn't even feel personally hurt, I just wanted to stand up for him and all other aromantics. I thought I could make the guy understand, so I shared some vulnerable feelings about what being aromantic in this society was like, and he called my experience and feelings "invalid". I was so disappointed by the fact that even a person that always seemed so reasonable on all other topics could turn out like this, so I left.

I don't know if the aromantic guy saw this exchange. He probably didn't. I don't want to talk to him about it because heterosexual aromantics were the ones being insulted. I was trying to stand up for him, so he shouldn't be the one to comfort me. So I'm here, venting my frustration.

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melancholymanta

I feel 100 percent comfortable with using the asexual label for myself. It makes me feel more whole in a way, if that makes sense. Thinking about stuff like that, either in regards to myself or in fictional works, honest makes me want to launch myself into the sun. I am most definitely ace for sure.

 

When it comes to the aromantic label though, it's a bit more complicated? Like I feel like it fits to a certain degree but not all the way. Forgive me for the slightly poor analogy, it's like trying to use a wrong corner piece for a puzzle. Technically it's going to fit if you try hard enough but it's not going to look right. I actually love fictional romance and shipping characters and all that. It's fine if it's happening to them. When it comes to myself however, that's when it gets a bit iffy. I'm an introvert with social anxiety. I've never really had all that many friends in my life to begin with so I feel like wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between platonic or something more if there was ever a situation where I had to? It doesn't help that my parents growing up didn't even like each other so I don't have a good real life example of what love actually looks like, let alone what healthy love is.

 

I have a strong urge to be close to someone and feel connected to them but that could just be because I'm isolated and lonely. And I couldn't tell you whether that urge was strictly platonic or something more because I have no way to act on it? I've thought about pretending to go on a date with some one a few times over the years to see if I'm maybe demi romantic but I feel like that wouldn't be fair to the other person involved. Not to mention that I wouldn't know anybody to pretend date anyway. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

What's real fucked up to me is that every time I hear of someone younger than me having a partner or falling in love, I get the feeling like I missed something in those formative years. Like yeah, I get that I'm valid or smth but honest to god I can't help thinking that maybe I'll get the gist of romance eventually... being autistic, it's already hard enough to identify what I'm feeling, but nothing sticks out as "romance, love, I love this person"

 

I know this girl who's like 2 years younger than me and she already has a partner. Istg it's so odd, when I was her age I was thinking about friends and platonic besties (still am) and thus something's just... never sitting right with me whenever I hear of other people and their partners.

 

It happened again with someone 3 years younger than me and I just feel more... awful? 

 

Like I've been mostly accepting of myself, I get that I'm aroace and all but somewhere in there I wonder if I'll ever get romantic feelings, and if I do then it's whatever! But that hasn't happened and I'm just so... i dunno... it's like I love not giving a shit about romance, but then I wonder if I should give a shit, if I'm being bad for not caring and such.
It was valentine's day and all I really felt was a bit out of place in some ways? Like I do adore the candy I got (and my film teacher who gladly called it crystal meth) but I just feel so damn out of it. like it's a normal day to me, but to others it's a special day. I feel like I'm disrespecting something here...

 

Idk, I feel like something in me fucked up so I'm autistic and aroace and neither of which is truly beneficial...

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17 hours ago, A User said:

What's real fucked up to me is that every time I hear of someone younger than me having a partner or falling in love, I get the feeling like I missed something in those formative years. Like yeah, I get that I'm valid or smth but honest to god I can't help thinking that maybe I'll get the gist of romance eventually... being autistic, it's already hard enough to identify what I'm feeling, but nothing sticks out as "romance, love, I love this person"

 

I know this girl who's like 2 years younger than me and she already has a partner. Istg it's so odd, when I was her age I was thinking about friends and platonic besties (still am) and thus something's just... never sitting right with me whenever I hear of other people and their partners.

 

It happened again with someone 3 years younger than me and I just feel more... awful? 

 

Like I've been mostly accepting of myself, I get that I'm aroace and all but somewhere in there I wonder if I'll ever get romantic feelings, and if I do then it's whatever! But that hasn't happened and I'm just so... i dunno... it's like I love not giving a shit about romance, but then I wonder if I should give a shit, if I'm being bad for not caring and such.
It was valentine's day and all I really felt was a bit out of place in some ways? Like I do adore the candy I got (and my film teacher who gladly called it crystal meth) but I just feel so damn out of it. like it's a normal day to me, but to others it's a special day. I feel like I'm disrespecting something here...

 

Idk, I feel like something in me fucked up so I'm autistic and aroace and neither of which is truly beneficial...

I don't know if it helps but it took me about 20 years to feel happy with my aro status. It's not easy seeing other people experiencing romantic love, especially since it is held up as some fundamental human experience. These days I feel like I'm not missing out though it's taken a lot of time and thought to get to this point. It's helped knowing that it doesn't always work out for people and some romantic people end up suffering awful and at least I don't have to go through that.

 

But you're not fucked up. Far from it and really your post of self-awareness is something to be proud of.

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1 hour ago, Amcan said:

I don't know if it helps but it took me about 20 years to feel happy with my aro status. It's not easy seeing other people experiencing romantic love, especially since it is held up as some fundamental human experience. These days I feel like I'm not missing out though it's taken a lot of time and thought to get to this point. It's helped knowing that it doesn't always work out for people and some romantic people end up suffering awful and at least I don't have to go through that.

 

But you're not fucked up. Far from it and really your post of self-awareness is something to be proud of.

thanks for the words! they mean a lot!

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rainbowocollie

I am so happy being (dark grey) aromantic and prefer to stay single for life, but lately I do wonder if it would be nice to have a lady who adores me for who I am - if that makes sense. I don't know if I'd be able to return the feelings tho

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rainbowocollie
On 2/18/2024 at 5:39 PM, A User said:

thanks for the words! they mean a lot!

Hey just wanna say I love your avatar

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