Rain Girl Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 At times (maybe a coping thing) i believed that being with an asexual partner was not so bad. i tried positive self talk: * 9 out of 10 isn't bad * I love her - we have love! * can't have everything - she is beautiful ( and that she is) * people have a right to their body & I am not entitled * it will get better one day... if I try harder, wait longer... What are some things you say to yourself? But then there is a deeply sad part that won't shift. My feelings betray my positive thoughts. Of course I love her and she is great (I am not silly for giving her my partnership)... But after all this waiting I no longer believe it will get better, i know it won't change, or that it doesn't bring me pain just because it's an act is omission and not commission. More than 2 yrs later I still return to this forum because IT IS and issue for me. I am noticing what remains: Yes there a years of good friendship and shared history and delight in her conversation and company...but I notice other things settling into my body, feelings getting heavy... These are some ways for me; * I find holidays hard - specially near the seaside & just the two of us * I am beginning to want to change the channel when characters have sex * I feel less in my body * getting older makes me sad * I wear unattractive PJs * avoid seeing her naked with her lovely body floating in the bath * I eat more sugary things - chocolate, ice cream, biscuits * I don't what to go out dancing or hear dance music In what ways has this effected you? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaHoward Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Sorry, are you asking if other sexual partners feel the same, what you can do or what asexuals would think if their sexual partner would have it like this? Anyway you sound very sad, and you have some issues that you need to worl out with your girlfriend - at least from what it seems like here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Sorry, are you asking if other sexual partners feel the same, what you can do or what asexuals would think if their sexual partner would have it like this? Anyway you sound very sad, and you have some issues that you need to worl out with your girlfriend - at least from what it seems like here. I think they are asking what sorts of changes sexuals have noticed in themselves that may not have occurred if they were in a relationship that involved more sex (or desire for sex with them from their partner). I have noticed some things, but for the most part they don't seem negative changes to me... - I dress less provocatively, but am happier about that (I also do it because it seems more 'age appropriate' for me) - I don't hope for sex so much of the time and because of that I'm more relaxed - I don't shave my legs everyday anymore and could care less I'm mostly still interested in all the things I always was, if anything, I'm more relaxed and less angry with him. This didn't happen overnight though. I was still having bouts of upset and feeling uncontrollably distressed about it for a good two years after we discovered asexuality was behind our sexual incompatibility. The things I mentioned above happened almost right away, but my feelings took awhile to match some of the changes in behavior...like you Rain Girl, my thoughts were in the right place but my feelings were overriding them. Link to post Share on other sites
lissi Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Holidays really were the worst for me. Time to really be together but never really together. Constant rejection rather than occasional rejection. Finished our relationship in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
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