The magic response to the "How is your love life" question

[skmetoff]

I am pretty sure this topic has been made a billion times before but it is so broad and basic that I wasn't sure where to look for it; I will be very glad if someone can post me some links, because I really need that magic response. Or you can just give ideas and suggestions here.

The two dreading questions "How is your love life" and "Why are you (still) single" are getting out of hand now with the people around me - both due to the baby boom that we experienced in the last two years and due to the fact that I'm 27 and never brought anybody home (or to my friends). And by "getting out of hand" I mean that people are starting to get very creepy scenarios about my sexuality and about the what-the-hell-am-I-hiding. Already two people asked me if I'm a pedophile (which 1) is probably the worst thing somebody can assume about you, and 2) is absurd, since I've never liked children in any way).

So yeah ... after being asked this question about 5 times in the last month and already fearing the family dinners in the next few weeks, I turn to you and beg - I need a good response to these two questions. These are my no-go's:

* I already overuse the "I'm focusing on my career" excuse.

* I don't want to say I'm asexual because it's too complicated to explain and also because I'm not really sure where in the gray area I am.

* I don't want to say anything in the range of "love is lame" because then people perceive you as desperate and dissappointed in love and start giving you the "it gets better, there's someone for you" response

* And the enemy of all non-beautiful people: you cannot afford to simply say "I'm not interested", because - at least in my experience - people understand this as "nobody likes me". I find it difficult to sound convincing with this excuse.

Does anybody have good replies to these questions? What worked for you best?

[Lia]

I generally just go with "No one's worth me". It usually shocks them that I think so highly of myself that they shut up for a second, and that's long enough for me to change the topic.

[Potato]

I'm not single *puts arm around air next to me. Kisses air*

[Crealityisabeast]

I'm pretty lucky for the fact that my college (CofC) is 2/3 girls and 1/3 guys, so my family automatically assumes thats the reason. I mean, I'm pretty sure they're thinking something, I'm 23 and they (family and friends) have never heard me talk about people, and I've never brought anyone home either.

But my go to if someone asks is usually yo stare at them for a minute and then go "aaaand we're done."

[Philip027]

I just shrug and don't answer these kinds of questions if they persist for long enough from the same person(s). If they don't care to believe me when I say I'm not interested, that's their problem, not mine

[MissUnderstood]

I just say it's a waste of my time. There are so many more important things I could be doing.

[Ravako]

If they can't accept it when you say you're not interested, they aren't worth your time trying to convince. There will be nothing that will sate their appetite for gossip (yes, even those who are seemingly polite and sincere, they are fishing for gossip. Yes. Even your friends.) even if you say you're happily married. They will continue berating you for more info if they're the type of person to not even take your "I'm not interested" as a genuine answer.

The way I like to end it early is to simply say, "It's going how I want it." If they want more info you don't want to give, just shrug.

[skymessenger]

I'm saving time, money and emotions. That was my excuse in high school when my friends asked why I was single.

[TheBlackstoneOne]

However complicated explaining asexuality might be would pale in comparison, at least for me, to how upset I would be if people were suspecting me of being a pedophile.

[Zash]

I misdirected... I answered with: "What makes you think the girls are the type you would bring home to meet the parents?" It was more or less left at that until present.

[Sally]

You can say, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, just what did you ask?" They may feel embarassed at having to repeat the question. But if they do repeat it, just repeat what you said. That would really work well if there are other people around to hear what you do, because they probably won't ask you the same stupid question.

[who me?]

I got this from a friend of my dad's:

"There are only two possible answers to that. Either I don't want a (boyfriend/girlfriend), or I can't get one. Either way, it's none of your business."

Someone asked if you were a pedophile? Really? How horrible.

[Ronny]

I got this from a friend of my dad's:

"There are only two possible answers to that. Either I don't want a (boyfriend/girlfriend), or I can't get one. Either way, it's none of your business."

Someone asked if you were a pedophile? Really? How horrible.

If you're a man and you're not married or attached to a woman by a certain age - it really can get that bad.

There's a point at which you are suddenly seen as 'odd', and from there it's very easy for people to conjure up the pedophile idea.

People pity single women, but single men? We're suspicious, untrustworthy, the family oddball, the creepy uncle. It gets harder as you get older, I've really started realising this in recent years.

[HardToComeBy]

I generally just go with "No one's worth me". It usually shocks them that I think so highly of myself that they shut up for a second, and that's long enough for me to change the topic.

*Hi-fives Lia* I love it! :D

Being a demi-romantic - meaning the VAST majority of my life I'm aromantic - I've had annoying times where friends, relatives, or people in the workplace have tried to address the "problem" (being single?? :P ) and set me up with various individuals.

Since people tend to always assume you are something like them in the end, my approach is to pretty much drive it home, hard, that I actually really, sincerely am a non-interested aromantic sort of person. My response (historically) has always been me saying something along the lines of (and in a tone as if I'm just about to rant): "You know, all throughout my life I've always wondered what is it about people that they need relationships. I mean is there this hole that needs to be filled? Is there something lacking with you (the person I'm talking to) that you actually need them?" thereby putting the ball in their court and directing the question at them, having them try to (awkwardly) explain to me what it feels like to want to be in a relationship.

It usually comes down to them realizing that it is a sort of....urge....that is significantly hard to describe. My goal has always been to get them to try to describe that urge to me. Eventually (it never takes very long at all :P) they should feel like they're trying to describe the color red to someone who was born blind.

Now of course my approach takes longer, is a tad confrontational and probably isn't the concise "magic response" the OP was looking for, but nonetheless, for me it has been quite effective - by driving the point home that I am different. The people I've had this conversation with have come to see me in a special light, I think. It's especially evident because when say, people at my workplace find out that I'm currently in a relationship (which is true), the reaction isn't one of "Oh, see I told you so!" or "See, even he found someone!", it's actually more a reaction of genuine shock and confusion. More like "Wait, huh? Really....? Wait, but I thought-...? Seriously?" :lol:

Perhaps my approach is long-winded, and relies more on your actions as well as your verbal response, but it's seemed to work for me. I love Lia's response though, if only for the brevity. Solidifying in the other person's mind that you have a strong, healthy ego even without a relationship is exactly what I wanted to communicate, and there it is within a four-syllable sentence!

I got this from a friend of my dad's:

"There are only two possible answers to that. Either I don't want a (boyfriend/girlfriend), or I can't get one. Either way, it's none of your business."

Someone asked if you were a pedophile? Really? How horrible.

If you're a man and you're not married or attached to a woman by a certain age - it really can get that bad.

There's a point at which you are suddenly seen as 'odd', and from there it's very easy for people to conjure up the pedophile idea.

People pity single women, but single men? We're suspicious, untrustworthy, the family oddball, the creepy uncle. It gets harder as you get older, I've really started realising this in recent years.

Ugh, yes I can imagine the assumptions getting pretty nasty. -_-

[marki]

Just tell them that until robots can become easily affordable you just are going to wait it out...because humans are too stupid!

[flesh-pocket]

if anyone asks me that, i just shrug and tell them "i havent found anyone worth dating," its the truth.

[DexM]

Towards the end of my not-knowing-about-Asexuality-life I used to say something like "Next topic please" or "Move along." Before that, the earlier years, there was plenty of fumbling for words and I usually came out with "not interested at the minute." I think there was a perverse pleasure in certain people asking me.

Thankfully I am now in a relationship, and, even better, I don't have any off AVEN friends ^_^

[Nanook]

Luckily for me, no one asks me these things anymore. Now people just assume I'm a crazy mountain man hermit and leave me alone but now crazy rumors start, all of which are absurd.

People tend to think biological male plus 30 plus single = crazy/something seriously wrong.

I was shy in my youth and a loner type most my life so excuses were easy.

In traditional society things are a lot different and its unfortunate. Within my family its never really been an issue. Its only an issue for outsiders.

[1/100 of me]

Personally I think explaining asexuality is preferable than having people think you're a pedophile but since that's not always convenient, you're well within your rights to tell these people to buzz off and it's none of their business.

[tuvok]

It depends on the company but amongst friends I use "I hate people". It's an exaggeration on my introversion and people laugh and move on.

There can be many variations on this.

If it is a family thing then I go with "I am just so busy right now doing x" I really am busy though. I spend most my time studying and have about 2 hours a day where I do something else so finding time is actually tricky.

I don't really get the honest pressure though... People who ask just wants to know how I am doing. Answer that question instead might be a way to go.

[Guest]

My love life is great, I love myself AND my life very much. Thanks for your concern. :D

^ Actual response

[Janus the Fox]

Eh... Gut reaction would tell them to bugger off ;)

But otherwise I would tell them that doesn't feel like an appropriate topic to discuss.

[Amedot]

Everyone above has some great lines...

I would say, "It's really none of your business, but if you really need to know, why not make up an answer that suits you?"

[the bumbling rotifer]

"Because I'm in love with youuuu "

(not to be used with potentially eligible suitors)

[Astrochelonian]

"Nonexistant. Yours?"

[Batman's Ace]

For some reason very few people ask me, but I do have a couple answers.

1: "Relationships require time, money, and effort, and I don't have enough to spare right now."

2: *Shrug.* "Here's what I've been learning about the history of pencil sharpeners!"

Possible 3 (for use with conservative family members, if you enjoy confusing them): "I got married three weeks ago, to a stripper."

[Zerο]

"It's okay, could use more zombies though."

[Calligraphette_Coe]

"Oh, it's like the Great American Novel I'm still working on, a work in perpetual progress with fictional characters whose expectations I never satisfy because I'm too busy exceeding my own."

They never ask a second time... :)

[Mona Lisa]

People pity single women, but single men? We're suspicious, untrustworthy, the family oddball, the creepy uncle. It gets harder as you get older, I've really started realising this in recent years.

Single women are selfish, immature, the family oddball, the "cat lady," the prude, the spinster, the old maid, the frigid witch, the frumpy aunt, the "woman-child," always a bridesmaid but never the bride.

It's hard for both men and women, in different ways.

[Bissen]

I've been asked "so, do you have a boyfriend?" and "shouldn't you be dating someone?" and stuff like that. My response is usually something like "... nah" followed by a shrug.