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nowheregirl457

How do you know if you're romantically attracted to someone?

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nowheregirl457

I'm really confuzzled -.-

How do you know if its romantic attraction or that you just want a deep friendship?

Gah sometimes this ace stuff is so baffling !! :p

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Squirrel Combat

Good question. I guess it depends on how much you want to be friends and what you'll do to prove yourself worthy of being their friend or romantic compadre.

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OTChana

I'm wondering the same thing too. There have been people in my life, both female and male, that I have felt drawn to. I think about them, and it's like all I want to do is talk with them, get to know them, build some kind of relationship with them, but what type exactly? I can't figure out the difference...

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Kellam

For me its about the desire for exclusivity. When I meet someone new that interests me, its only in that sense. I simply would like to talk to them and hang out a bit. I don't care if that conversation/moment is the last one or not. It can actually be a bit awkward for me if they want to grow the friendship. I am actually relieved when other people are involved, I never want to be someone's only friend. Likewise, I am not interested in any greater level of intimacy. I have a sibling and parents that I love very much but I hardly think about them for months some times. And I guess that's a point too. I care about people, I'm concerned for their well being and yet I'm not so interested in their lives that I want them around all the time. I am avery private person in some ways. I'll tell you anything you want to know about myself but I prefer to leave the situation alone. I guess that's one person's opinion on the aromantic perspective. I could be wrong in other's eyes but that's how I see things. As far as I am concerned I have never been romantically attracted to anyone. I know that's not what you asked, but I hoped it could help.

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lovemybling

Hi there i will give my 2cents. We can never force any relationship. When i meet a new person anywhere, anyhow, i will usually feel i like them or i don't. This is of course based on a first meeting, appearance, conversation etc. If i talk to them and feel we have something in common or the talk moves freely, then perhaps it will turn into a friendship. But friendships take time to cultivate. Sometimes if it feels like a crush it is not always a good thing. Also everyone is always on their BEST behavior when out and meeting new people. It takes a while to determine this person's REAL personality. Like are they dependable, on time, clueless, fun to be with or NOT? All these will factor into whether the friendship grows. And of course the very BEST romances all begin as friendships at first. I say, be yourself, be open minded and let nature take it's course. Your opinion of this person will usually change a bit after you hang around them a while. I usually dont pay much to attention to my 1st impressions of folks, cause they are usually wrong. Goin to eat some cake now :blush:

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`Silver

I know it when I seek out the other person's company regularly, I want to involve them in everything I do in my life, and am always happy to hear from them and be part of their life. When I desire a level of intimacy, whether physical or emotional (usually both). It seems simple, although it takes me a really long time to realise it when I do feel romantic attraction...

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.Lia

Moved from Asexual Q&A to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

Lia
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Arcovia

Unfortunately it's different for each person. Some people feel romantic and platonic feelings on a spectrum, others find them clearly distinguished. Some people always feel a desire for exclusivity with their attraction, others don't even want a relationship with the person they're attracted to.

I do not feel romantic attraction so I don't have any firsthand experience with this problem. That said, my advice would be to figure out what exactly, for you specifically, a romantic relationship entails and how it differs from a deep friendship. Then see if any of those differing elements are present in your potential romantic feelings. If it turns out you don't find a difference between romantic and platonic relationships, that's okay too. There are plenty of people who don't.

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Lambda Corvus

These things are not easy for a great deal of people. That's why this forum exists -- to allow us to discuss and discover ourselves.

Some people are able to distinguish between friendship and romance by the presence of "warm fuzzies". For others, there may not be a clear-cut line between the two. Personally, I am always unsure if what I feel for close friends is 'just' deep friendship or something else. My mind is great at not realising that I am attracted to someone, or having attraction suddenly fade for no apparent reason.

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"""

It have happend few times in my life I can say only one time, but anyway I know romantically into someone when he represents more than a friend when to know him better, to enjoy every moment shared and when those stomach butterflies appears :lol: I also never have the desire for have sex with him, i guess i have other ways to show my love :wub:

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Zerο

I do a mental checklist of what we'd do as a couple. If it doesn't sound better than me being on my own, then I'm not attracted to them romantically.

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5_♦♣

For me, it's two things. 1: Gender. I can be friends with anyone of any gender, but I'm only romantically into dudes. 2: Sensual attraction, which is experienced in conjunction with romantic attraction.

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OTChana

...my advice would be to figure out what exactly, for you specifically, a romantic relationship entails and how it differs from a deep friendship.

That is good advice. I have a close friend of the opposite sex and we talk a lot about what different types of relationships entail. We have mutually agreed that we cannot be each other's only friend. We both prefer to have a few well trusted friends, rather than larger circles. We have also made the point that there are different types of friends - friends to ride the "fun bubble" with, friends to confide in, friends to celebrate special occasions with etc. I have realized that the difference for me between a friend and a friendly acquaintance is I will be happy to have a friendly conversation with a friendly acquaintance when I happen to see them at an organized social gathering/activity. A friend is someone I am willing to make an effort to spend time with on my own. Family always asks "but what about all those friends you had from such and such activity you did?" I consider someone a friend if I like them enough to want to seek out their company on my own. My criteria for a friendship is someone I particularly enjoy talking with and being around, and we have some common ground. I know this went off topic a little, but I hope it helps those of us who are trying to define and distinguish different types of relationships - including deep friendship and romantic.

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