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The Great WTF

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I came out as ace to my parents last year and their response was basically "well, you're not really telling us anything you haven't been broadcasting since you were eight" and we laughed. I felt seriously relieved afterwards, even though my parents are pretty accepting, it was still nerve racking. But I'm a rather anxious person anyway.

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Jean Claude Van Ace

I dated an ace person for over a year. We met on Ace-book, just when I was about to stop using it from being discouraged after months of fruitless searching.

 

We were LDR, but saw each other at least once a month, sometimes more. Spoke to each other on video-messaging apps every day. The relationship ended on a very sour note, but it's end wasn't related to sexuality (or lack of thereof) nor distance.

 

Since it ended quite badly, it's somehow strange to post this on a topic about successful stories. I still think it is worth mentioning it, though. It can be disheartening at times looking for an asexual partner in the specific websites that aren't visited enough and are populated with people who are not all that chatty to begin with. I consider it a minor miracle that I could've had a relationship where sex was never on the table and both parties were totally cool with it. 

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StupidDream
22 hours ago, viktorzokas said:

I dated an ace person for over a year. We met on Ace-book, just when I was about to stop using it from being discouraged after months of fruitless searching.

 

We were LDR, but saw each other at least once a month, sometimes more. Spoke to each other on video-messaging apps every day. The relationship ended on a very sour note, but it's end wasn't related to sexuality (or lack of thereof) nor distance.

 

Since it ended quite badly, it's somehow strange to post this on a topic about successful stories. I still think it is worth mentioning it, though. It can be disheartening at times looking for an asexual partner in the specific websites that aren't visited enough and are populated with people who are not all that chatty to begin with. I consider it a minor miracle that I could've had a relationship where sex was never on the table and both parties were totally cool with it. 

Sorry to hear the relationship ended badly but it gives me hope that some people have had success using ace specific websites for meeting people. I've haven't had much luck with them myself but then I've never put in the sort of effort it would probably take.  Do you think you'd try the whole acebook/similar thing again?

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Jean Claude Van Ace
3 hours ago, AndrewJ said:

Sorry to hear the relationship ended badly but it gives me hope that some people have had success using ace specific websites for meeting people. I've haven't had much luck with them myself but then I've never put in the sort of effort it would probably take.  Do you think you'd try the whole acebook/similar thing again?

Effort it takes, my friend, but it can be done. I decided to post this on the Successful Stories thread precisely to point out that, in spite of the occasional feeling of hopelessness, finding an asexual partner is not something out of mythology.

 

As for the websites, I get the feeling they have fewer active members now than they had in the past (you don't need to be registered on Asexualitic to see members, and Acebook displays it's increasingly shorter list of users on the front page). I'd use them again in theory, but in practical terms I'm not sure they're the best options available at this moment.

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StupidDream
4 hours ago, viktorzokas said:

Effort it takes, my friend, but it can be done. I decided to post this on the Successful Stories thread precisely to point out that, in spite of the occasional feeling of hopelessness, finding an asexual partner is not something out of mythology.

 

As for the websites, I get the feeling they have fewer active members now than they had in the past (you don't need to be registered on Asexualitic to see members, and Acebook displays it's increasingly shorter list of users on the front page). I'd use them again in theory, but in practical terms I'm not sure they're the best options available at this moment.

I tried acebook in the past but there just weren't enough members maybe I'll give it another shot at some point.

 

I don't really like the whole online dating thing in general, something about it kinda weirds me out.  I suppose its a means to an end, and it looks like it works for some people... I was listening to my work colleague go on about tinder the other day and how he's slept with 10 different girls already from that app - it was painful to listen to.  Just seems so utterly shallow and degrading for both of them. Though I guess I would think that :lol:

 

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Jean Claude Van Ace
On 25/03/2018 at 2:37 AM, StupidDream said:

I tried acebook in the past but there just weren't enough members maybe I'll give it another shot at some point.

 

I don't really like the whole online dating thing in general, something about it kinda weirds me out.  I suppose its a means to an end, and it looks like it works for some people... I was listening to my work colleague go on about tinder the other day and how he's slept with 10 different girls already from that app - it was painful to listen to.  Just seems so utterly shallow and degrading for both of them. Though I guess I would think that :lol:

 

I probably wouldn't join Tinder for the same reasons, this whole built-in premise that you get to sleep with several people in a short span of time is just so... not asexual.

 

 There are at least two ace-specific apps that emulate Tinder. One of them (AceApp) is actually pretty good, but it's still in it's early days, so, not that many people over there yet. The other (Ace - Asexual World) is total garbage and needs to be rebuilt from scratch. 

 

Other than that, there's nothing wrong or out of the ordinary with meeting people on-line. In fact, in theory it's easier to find people with shared interests on-line than it is through the so-called traditional means of meeting partners (friends of friends, Church regulars, people you meet on the club etc.).

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StupidDream
1 minute ago, viktorzokas said:

I probably wouldn't join Tinder for the same reasons, this whole built-in premise that you get to sleep with several people in a short span of time is just so... not asexual.

 

 There are at least two ace-specific apps that emulate Tinder. One of them (AceApp) is actually pretty good, but it's still in it's early days, so, not that many people over there yer. The other (Ace - Asexual World) is total garbage and needs to be rebuilt from scratch. 

 

Other than that, there's nothing wrong or out of the ordinary with meeting people on-line. In fact, in theory it's easier to find people with shared interests on-line than it is through the so-called traditional means of meeting partners (friends of friends, Church regulars, people you meet on the club etc.).

I think what I don't like about tinder is how it just reduces people to a 2 second swipe to like or reject with no depth. Is that really the world people want to live in?... I guess so. I know we all make snap decisions about people but tinder especially just seems so damn shallow... Like really, I don't know how anyone who has self respect could use those apps!  Clearly the sexual mind is different to the asexual one 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

 

Hi everyone, I just found this site today. Like to share what I consider to be a success story.

  For me being content is a great thing to share and this word [content] suits me. I recall being in relations that felt like a job/chore/duty etc..  Being without pressure is wonderful and sharing this over the years I have heard some funny replies. (Here is one I don't think I can forget) - "Don't you EVER just have an urge at all Griffin?" I must admit it was a while back when I was asked that and I was caught off guard, so I looked at them and said "No, I had enough sex to last me a life time." It sounded awful I realized as soon as I said it. When I spurted that out feeling pressured, I could not take it back, ha ha but you know people put their needs on you and sometimes you have to look out for yourself, you say whatever works in a pressured predicament. Right? I have been asexual most of my life alone and you know what? It works for me. < defines my success with humor.

  Do I want to share my heart with someone and hold hands forever and grow old together? Sure I will. When? I am not sure of the future. But you have to name it before you can get it and knowing in your core who and what you want in life as well as what you don't want is quite satisfying to me. For me contentment is another layer of success. :D

  Does this make sense or is it just me?

Post Script: please pardon my run on sentences*

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here_on_the_morrow

My partner and i have been together for 11 years. Our sex life was virtually nonexistent, and then i found out what asexuality is last year and he has been nothing but supportive. He says that being ace is part of me and he loves all of me, and that there are plenty of other ways for us to love each other.

 

I'm so happy to read so many other happy relationship stories!

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  • 2 weeks later...
CirothUngol

@The Great WTF OK, this is a seriously cool thread. I haven't read the other half of 'em (dang, there's a lot), but felt the need to share the wonderful story of my wife. I figured this little puzzle out just a few months before coming here. When it rains it pours. OK, let's set the stage:

 

By the time I'd reached 30 I was unattached, uninterested, had never dated or kissed, had never touched anyone, was fully touch-adverse, and had no real inclination of changing any of that. The story probably could've ended there, but instead I had an ill-advised horribly emotional first sexual encounter with a sweet friend and after my subsequent nervous meltdown, I became... I don't know, what would you call it... cuddle-hungry? Does that make sense? I really missed holding and touching a willing subject of affection and spent the next several years trying to "date" women in our friend group. I feel the quotes are necessary because I was completely clueless about the need for genital sex in a relationship. It would seem that most women don't know what to make of guy who never attempts to engage beyond holding and foot rubs. They were forgiving (if not a bit condescending) because most I had known for years, but a few not only thought I was gay (c'mon, give snuggling a chance!), but actively attempted to convince me that I was gay. (OK, no snuggles for you!)

 

Eventually... I gave up. I was a companion, a friend, a confidant, a long-time cuddle-buddy with one (she's my grrl-friend to this day), but never an initiator, an instigator, a lover, nor a boyfriend. There was never any verbal communication about sex (why don't people wanna talk about sex? At least before doing it?!), so I always thought things were fine. Cuddle with a girlfriend, popcorn and movies (on VHS, 'cause it's the '90s... amirite, folks?!), I didn't really understand that we were supposed to be doing something more, and all of them assumed I was either not interested or not hetero, became disinterested, and left. So in my mid 30s, I gave up and went right back to not caring about it. At all.

...and I was fine with that. ^_^

 

A year or two later, enter my grrl-friend (who had never lost contact) with extra tickets to a 311 show where she introduced me to her long-time BF whose name I'd heard a hundred times before but had never met. The band was great, the venue sucked with a capital-suck, and her BF was awesome. I could see why they were so close, she was fun, happy, and hyper-enthusiastic. Kinda infectious, really. We started hanging out as friends in a group, had tons of stuff in common, and quickly became rather close friends, so I was very comfortable with her. Then after many months, something changed.

She started to pursue me.

 

Little affections at first; hugs, hand-holding, peck-on-the-lips. I'm sure she could tell I was uneasy, so she asked about it. For the first time ever, we talked about it. She understood that I liked the affection, that I liked her, that I liked touching her, and that I enjoyed being close to her. She never pushed. She held my hand first, she kissed me first, she laid next to me first, she was the initiator and seemed glad to do it, but she never pushed. If I withdrew she'd ask if I was OK and then hug me. The first few times we slept next to each other and nothing happened other than conversation, cuddles, giggles, and slumber, I woke up not to recriminations or an empty bed (as had happened before), but to a best friend who was glad to have spent the night lying next to me. It was weird. Not only did she want to be close and have me hold her, but she was patient, adoring, and incredibly open and honest about everything.

She even said "I love you" first, and I had to admit that I did too.

 

A couple of months into this new snuggle-fest with a woman I was truly beginning to adore, she breaches the subject of sex in a Burger King parking lot (which I thought was classy). I'd never initiated any sex above affectionate touching (still don't, actually), but I'm not sex-adverse. I love her! We agreed to start being more naked when we slept together and the affections slowly increased from there. We always sought open consent before touching or trying something, and she was always loving and affectionate even when things didn't work out. She was always the instigator, I was always the permissor, but she never pushed me and most evenings were just snuggles and slumber, almost as if she simply wanted to be with me. I loved her affection, I loved pleasing her, and I slowly learned to trust her, and to trust her touch. I had never been so physically comfortable with another person.

 

So I married her.

We drove to Gatlinburg Tennessee, got a marriage license by the big bronze statue of Dolly Pardon, rented a cabin in the mountains, hired ourselves a mountain preacher and got hitched right there in the cabin. Just the two of us.

 

Please remember, at the time I had no real knowledge of exactly how I was different. Today I could term myself as Dark-Grey before my incident (eg. sex was something other people had) and Light-Grey afterwards and presently (eg. sex is pleasure for my partner). I could also add that I still seem to completely lack Primary Sexual Attraction as seen in this model, but I digress. I fortunate in that my wife is both caring and forgiving, so over the next few years I slowly started to learn just how sex works for me:

* Her pleasure and affection are my greatest desires. Her pleasure is my pleasure.

* The more she shows desire for me, the more I desire her and wish to please her.

* Her desire for me is important, because without it there is none. I can't desire her if she doesn't desire me.

* Her pleasure is paramount to me. If she likes my touch, I love doing that. That's sex. If she dislikes it, I have no interest in it.

* I consider affectionate touching to be sex, and sex to be a more intimate form of affectionate touching. Rinse. Repeat.

* I have a fear of harm and require verbal consent to feel safe. I need to know my actions are desired and not harmful.

 

...good god. That's years of awkward trial-and-error at attempting to be physically intimate with a patient and committed partner all boiled down to just a few concise lines. That's the first time I've ever written that down. Hmm, neat. I've actually developed 3-tiered "safe zones" in my head for touching others and coined the term "permissive" for myself concerning my apparent fetish for permission and consent... but again, I digress. To see more of the personal philosophy that emerged for me concerning my wife and how I attempted to connect to her sexually, please read my overtly floral reply in this thread where I empathized with her partner's point of view and apparently decided to gush many of the lessons I feel I've learned regarding partnered union. I always tend to understand everything better through analogy, and that reply actually contains my favorite analogy for my wife:

 

See, I've always been a cat person by nature, and I've openly compared her to one on many occasions, including our very first cuddle sessions. What do I get out of petting my cat? Sure she's soft, and lovely, and pleasing to the touch... but she loves it. My kitty simply loves it when I pet her! The enthusiasm of her pushing her head into my hand; arching her back as I run my hand down her spine; purring load enough to be heard on the other side of the room. That's why I do it. I love bringing pleasure to that little furball and her simple delighted reaction is all it takes for me to want to keep doing it.

My significant other is not a cat (anymore ^_^) and our relationship is infinitely richer and more complex than anything a mere pet has to offer, but I still physically adore her as one, love for my touch to bring her pleasure, and enjoy being the one that she has chosen to allow to touch her in a manner she finds so loving, pleasurable, and intimate.

 

We were married October 9, 2006 after 2+ years as a couple. We've never fought, had an argument, nor even a discussion as heated as "can Batman beat Superman". She's my friend, my wife, my lover, my other. She hugs me, kisses me, sleeps next to me every night, and tells me "love you more" every day. If I'm going to feel guilty about anything, it would be that this success story just fell into my lap. I had spent the first 30 years of my life happily considering me-sex a non-thing, then after a traumatic and fully unfruitful awakening had decided to once again shut my proverbial eyes, because much like a blind man, I had never learned know how to see. I was ignorant and knew nothing about the inter-personal nature of a sexual relationship.

...but she did, and she loved me. This is all her. I tell her that I couldn't do it without her, and that's true. I couldn't.

I still don't know how.

 

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verymelancholic

Kind of small success story but it means a lot to me and was a huge help towards the loneliness and fear I feel everyday.

 

It happened a few months ago but I just remembered it. Me and seveal other people went out. I got to hug my crush (we’re kind of close and she’s a really understanding person) that I was romantically attracted to. She was even the one who initiated and she was also kind of aware I was grey ace so it was great. I’ve been craving for a moment like that to happen again. I don’t know though, it could be the alcohol she drank talking and doing the work.

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Kelzmorgs
On 31/12/2013 at 5:00 PM, faintlymacabre said:

I am am married to an amazing sexual guy. We started off as friends but it became more very quickly. We connected on a spiritual level, and he loved all the little weird things about me. We have been together for about five years, married for over 4 and it just gets better every day. I honestly never thought I would find anyone, as I am not the "pretty" girl, I prefer using my brain and wits as opposed to my physical body. We work around my asexuality, luckily I don't mind sex it's just that I don't want it, so we have set up rules and boundaries, as well as an acceptable amount of sexual relations we can both agree on.

That's a bit what it's like for me. I have been married for 3 years and been with my husband for 8 years. My husband likes sex but luckily his sex drive is quite low. Probably because of medication he takes for anxiety. Whatever the reason we compromise and even though sex is boring and not something I enjoy much we try to do it once a month to please us both. The other times we cuddle and kiss and generally spend our lives together. He is my best friend and is so supportive. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
greyisnotacolor
On 5/2/2018 at 11:54 PM, CirothUngol said:

 I fortunate in that my wife is both caring and forgiving, so over the next few years I slowly started to learn just how sex works for me:

* Her pleasure and affection are my greatest desires. Her pleasure is my pleasure.

* The more she shows desire for me, the more I desire her and wish to please her.

* Her desire for me is important, because without it there is none. I can't desire her if she doesn't desire me.

* Her pleasure is paramount to me. If she likes my touch, I love doing that. That's sex. If she dislikes it, I have no interest in it.

* I consider affectionate touching to be sex, and sex to be a more intimate form of affectionate touching. Rinse. Repeat.

* I have a fear of harm and require verbal consent to feel safe. I need to know my actions are desired and not harmful.

 

...good god. That's years of awkward trial-and-error at attempting to be physically intimate with a patient and committed partner all boiled down to just a few concise lines.

I really, really like this. Not only was it easy to see where I could relate to it, but also that it clarifies a lot of how things sort of worked out for me too. Yay to happy stories! ❤️

 

I've been with my sexual partner for just over 2 years. I've always felt asexual, but didn't know (or, perhaps wasn't fully aware asexuality was something I could latch onto) how to break it down clearly enough to fully understand it myself. He's 100% sexual, and aside from a really amazing, romantic relationship, sex was always a bit complicated for us and perhaps one of the biggest factors that stood awkwardly in the way. On the outside and to all our friends and family, we looked like a couple who had loads of sex because we are consistently romantic and cheesy with one another everywhere we go! But behind closed doors, both of us were struggling with trying to figure out why things seemed so...broken for me in particular.

 

The last few days have been truly life changing for the both of us. In fact, he was the one who initiated all the research and discovery of asexuality for us, and we're working through the realization that I've probably been grey-sexual for a very long time without ever really knowing that was what it was. This description from @CirothUngol is exactly how I feel whenever we have sex, despite the fact that quantity is limited, lol!

 

Yet...just knowing has been such a wonderful sigh of relief, not just for me but for both of us in our relationship. I love him to the ends of the universe, and this discovery, brought on by a man who just wanted to learn and understand me, has changed everything for us in the most beautiful way possible. Had things worked out differently and I'd learned about asexuality before meeting him, things would have definitely been different. Finally being able to let go of the breath I've been holding feels amazing, and it's all because of him.

 

For anyone reading this who might feel a bit hopeless in all this: know that you're just going through a trying time right now, and regardless of whether your partner is sexual, asexual, or something else entirely, if you want to have a partner in your life, they'll be there when you least expect them to be. :)

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CirothUngol

@greyisnotacolor Welcome to the forums and thanks for the praise. I'm glad someone else could relate to that. I really did fumble around sexually for the first few years we were together, but my partner is fun, patient, candy-sweet, and she eventually made me realize that relaxing together, cuddling with one another, and pleasing each other are really the only goals when sharing sex. All of the physical stuff actually occurred rather organically with time.

I'm glad you've discovered the important repository that is AVEN, and that you've been able to make new discoveries about yourself. That happened to me recently as well, I've only been around here for about a month. Welcome home, friend. Have you had any cake? ^_^

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greyisnotacolor

@CirothUngol Thanks! I felt welcome here even before I signed up, but it's nice to be able to have a small voice here now too. :) My partner is the same way: he's incredibly patient, funny, sweet, caring, generous and really just, happy to do the heavy lifting to make sure our relationship is ok, and I've sort of been a bit timid in this sense, but have felt like I've considerably blossomed since asexuality and labels were introduced into our relationship. If I had wanted so much to please him with sex before, it's that much stronger now that things are not so muddled for me, let alone for us.

 

Cheers to discovering ourselves; I've heard the cake term a few times now, but since learning about this only days into it, I suppose the real answer at the moment is no, haha! Perhaps we should split one in celebration, friend. :cake:

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itsmeelysemarie

My partner and I have been together almost ten years. We met online in 2008, started dating in 2009, and lasted for almost two years before it turned to a close, almost-family kind of friendship. He and I have been through everything together and I can't imagine being with anyone else. He understands my proculsexuality better than anyone and I just...I'd be absolutely lost without my Angel. 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I told my best friend last night that I'm ace and not only did she know what it was (not a lot of people I've met have even heard of asexuality), but she was wonderfully supportive! And I've been in a sexual relationship with my partner for 6 months, and while he still asks questions about my sexuality, he's understanding, supportive, and respects everything about me. I've never been this happy with a guy and am so happy to be surrounded by so much love and support 😊😊😊😊😊

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 12/3/2013 at 8:18 PM, Icarium said:

This thread has not enough posts :) I didn't met my partner on Aven but on another forum. We have known each otherfor almost a year now and are in a relationship for a couple of months now. We live about 500 km apart which makes it a long distant relationship, but we spent many weekends together. I'm very introverted and need time alone so it's not so much of a problem for me, but I guess my partner wouldn't mind if we spend more time together ;) He's not asexual but he accepts that I am ace and said that he prefers to cuddle a lot. That makes me very happy because I can't and won't compromise. But I love to cuddle (and can do so for hours) so he can get all the cuddles he wants :) So maybe that will give people some hope that relationships with non-ace persons doesn't always have to be complicated! I wasn't looking for a relationship and thought I would spent my life alone but I must admit that having a companion makes me (and him) a lot more happy :) I love him a lot and we get along so well. It's like having the best friend I always wanted to have. really hope that everyone who doesn't want to be alone will find a partner. Don't give up hope :) I

It sounds almost excatly like my own story, though we did met on AVEN actually and I'm the non asexual in our relationship but I guess it's ok so far. We might need to work on some compromises yet but I hope that there will be a way to keep us both mutual happy in the long term since we both definitedly want to give it a try :D 

 

❤️ *Love Will Find a Way*  ❤️

 

Kovu-and-Kiara-kovu-41058099-300-172.gif

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, I didn't even try to find a partner until my friend told me I shouldn't dismiss something without even trying. I was 22 and thought I will spend all my life living alone of with 30 cats, but after some consideration I decided to try, perfectly sure that it will end after the first date and I'll be able to tell people I tried but it doesn't work for me. So, I found a guy on a dating site, we spoke on the phone and he seemed to be fun speaking with. We decided to go on a first date. And right after that I told him I don't like sex and tried once in my life because I was curious what it's like and that was it. So, after this I totally thought he'll tell me something like "What's wrong with you, I'll just go find someone normal", but he didn't. We discussed it and he told me it was okay, at least I'll never be cheating on him. I don't mind sex much, it's like something that needs to be done, like washing dishes, so at first we did it pretty often, because he was single for about a year, but now he only needs it like once or twice per week, so everyone is happy. Well, we started to communicate, and it turned out we actually were compartible in many aspects, it just clicked, similar political views, we're both more practical than emotional, and if we couldn't understand each other we talked about it and usually were able to find a solution to satisfy both sides. It was like a first contact with aliens, or people of different culture with their customs and stuff, so I tried very hard to understand his way of thinking while he was doing the same for me. And, finally, he became someone very close and irreplacable, someone I can rely on, he understands me better than any other person, even my relatives. I'm not very confident and he's a complete opposite, so all this time he tried to teach me that it doesn't matter if I'm different from other people, I should get comfortable with what I am and if someone doesn't accept me it's okay, I have a right to be me and be happy. Our relationship lasts about 3 years now and we decided to get married soon. Sorry for my shitty grammar, I tried.

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Lara Black
5 hours ago, Elenhin said:

 I'm not very confident and he's a complete opposite, so all this time he tried to teach me that it doesn't matter if I'm different from other people, I should get comfortable with what I am and if someone doesn't accept me it's okay, I have a right to be me and be happy. Our relationship lasts about 3 years now and we decided to get married soon. Sorry for my shitty grammar, I tried.

Congrats.) All the best and lots of happiness to you.)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yay! Happiness and stuff!

 

Anyway, so I don’t have a marriage;/relationship story,  but I have been really successful in coming out to my friends and family!

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CatWhisperer

I was in a relationship with my ex (v. high libido) for three and a half years till uni started where we mostly mutually broke up. Only at uni when I met my current boyfriend did I realise how unsuited my ex and I were and that sometimes compromise isn't possible. I never imagined I would find a guy who would just understand that it wasn’t his fault, and yet within weeks of arriving at uni I found him - a guy who not only understands that my lack of sexual attraction doesn't mean I’m not attracted to him, but is also 100% okay with intimacy that doesn't necessarily lead to sex. We still have hiccups; sometimes I feel guilty about not going further with him if we've been kissing a lot for instance, despite him reassuring me it's okay. I feel like this may be residue from my last relationship, where my ex often got upset if I rejected him in this way. However, I’m so much more comfortable now, and despite it only being two months official (9 months having known each other) I think I will be a lot happier in all aspects of our relationship than I was previously :) 

 

Update: A year and more self realisations later and I can say that I don't think I'll ever find anyone else for me!

Edited by FutureCrazyCatLady
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stelliferous

Met my current partner on OkCupid - I had asexual listed as my orientation on my profile, and she didn't but I found out later that she was ace too. I was just about ready to give up on online dating when she messaged me, but we clicked almost immediately and have been dating for six months now. She's so caring and supportive and I feel so lucky to have found her in so many ways. :)

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I am attracted to women, though not sexually and I wanted to share my story. My wife and I have been married 1 year and together for 20 years. We are both asexual. She fulfills everything in me and the strain of being in relationships with people that wanted sex is gone. I couldn't be happier even 20 years later. I love her like I did when I was a 21 year old kid lol. We never run out of things to talk about. She is my best friend and nonsexual lover - my soul mate. To anyone feeling lonely, just know there is hope.

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AcornCarvings

I have three or four people I'd consider myself really close with and comfortable to right now and I adore them all.

 

One of them is 2 years older than me. I used to have a huge squish/crush on her when I was in high school, and also got into some pretty depressive and self-critical bogs because of that crush. Since I've started figuring out more what I want out of my relationships and what my sexuality/aceness is like, I've gotten a lot more comfortable with myself and have really opened up to her. She is so kind and willing to learn and beautiful and honest to speak her mind with me. Unfortunately, she is almost never in town when I am, but when I do see her maybe a few weeks per year, I feel really embodied and myself, and I feel like we really relate to each other.

 

I'm kind of romantic with one of my friends from school. I love them, and through our relationship they have taught me so much about what I want out of my relationships, and also helped me really work towards being ok with how I feel about my own gender and my sexuality, let me share things I'd never shared before, expanded my viewpoints politically, helped me through tough mental health times, goofed off with me, and helped me realize the different ways that I love myself. She is so beautiful and so wonderful, especially in how we communicate and navigate consent, I always feel so comfortable around them and they are kind and so thoughtful. We've gotten some harassment for our relationship on campus (I guess people don't like NB folk or ace people or people who resist defining their relationships. also some people are just mean), and by myself I could have never learned how to deal with that. I also love our cuddles

 

My other close friend from school is wonderful and incredible and badass. I've trusted her with so many things I don't feel comfortable talking about almost ever, since I know I can trust her to be caring and non-judgemental and always try to listen to me. She is so beautiful. And she is so powerful. I know she will do her best to back me and fight for me if I ever need her to, and I'd do the same for her.

 

One of my teammates in running can somehow always make me feel comfortable to open up. She and I are super different, and I learn things from her that I really love. And wow, she is incredibly gorgeous and has amazing fashion. We don't hang out all that much outside of practice, but when we do, we without fail start a long, deep conversation about our lives and worries and struggles and things we love and find interesting. She is the most nonjudgemental person I know and I feel so much safer being myself on my running team with her there.

 

In two-ish years I've gone from feeling completely isolated in the world around me and like I was crazy and invalid and wrong and never going to be ok to having friends that I can rely on when I am down. I'd never have seen it coming, and I am so happy that now I have people I can love and value in the ways that I want to and not the ways I've been told I need to. 💜

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  • 2 months later...

My bf and I have been dating for about a month and a half, which I know isn't much of a success.

 

He's sexual, I'm asexual, and we met in an anime discord chat.  After being friends for 2-3 years, a whole bunch of us from that group got together (and stayed) at one friend's house to attend an anime convention.  It was at this friend's house and during the convention that my now bf slowly started making his moves, with cuddling, hand holding, carrying me around (something he knows I love because he's 6'3), eventually kissing and then cuddle sleeping in the same bed.  

 

Unfortunately, the trip had to come to an end, and my love interest had to fly back to his timezone that's 7 hours ahead of mine.  We've been maintaining contact through calls and excessive photos, while planning a trip for me to fly to his country to visit in early spring.

 

He's a great communicator, self aware, handsome, compassionate, adorable, and likes anime and dark comedy.  I feel so damn lucky to have caught a studly gentleman like himself.  

 



Us at an anime con.

Screenshot_20180921-083604_2.png

 

I know we haven't been together long, but I'ma pray that this turns into a success!!

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  • 1 month later...

It's good to see this kind of positivity. Question for people who have managed to find each other regarding how best to establish where you stand in a (possible) relationship... as my friends often say I'm a bit oblivious to hints...

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bittersweet988

Unfortunately, no nice and successful stories to tell you, guys. The only positive thing is that I actually met a couple of asexual people in real life. I have been in a few long distance relationships in the last few years, I met them in real life, but they didn't end well (not because of distance, but for other reasons). So, I am alone again now…  But just wanted to say: don't give up! I met them through Acebook and AVEN :) Just wanted to share my experience. 

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RedSpiderLily

Well I got married this year to a woman who loves sex as much as a healthy young woman probably should do. To describe it as challenging is an understatement but, I found someone. Asexuality like sex is just a small part of relationships. I know in today's world sex is everywhere but it's all just a small piece of life.

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