The Great WTF

The Success Stories Thread

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AnotherEli

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over a year now! She's asexual and sex-averse. Somewhat in contrast to many of the other stories listed here: we both knew she was asexual before I asked her on a date. I love her and her sexuality, just like I love any other aspect of her personality. 

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belovedless
On 1/2/2014 at 11:30 AM, belovedless said:

I am in a successful primary friendship! We've been friends only since August and agreed at the beginning of last November to stick together with a dedication to always grow and foster that friendship. We've also agreed that neither of us will seek out a romantic partner, and we are roommates.

It's really an amazing story. I started working my new job, and she is my colleague. We began carpooling and just chatting. I came out as asexual; she told me she was a straight sexual. But then, she took a super active interest in all things asexual, and it turns out that she sort of fits the definition (although will not subscribe to the label) and is predominately attracted to building spiritual friendships with women. She has no interest in marriage, and virtually no interest in men. It took a couple months for her to confess all that to me, all the while she and I had been building an emotionally-connected friendship. Then, everything fell into line. it's wonderful to be in an organic, asexual, sensual, and mutual passionate friendship!

I thought I'd update people on my "Success Story," first written back in 2014, for my "primary friendship" started in November of 2013. I am still involved with this person, almost 4 years later! We consider one another as a partner, and we are still roommates. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but we are dedicated to maintaining our friendship. We hope to stay together as lifelong roommates and partners. Here's hoping! 

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Amnesiac

Lucky enough to be in a mutually Ace relationship and have been for 2 and a half years now! We met and started speaking because of this place and now she's not only my partner, but my best friend too! It's weird to remember a time when she hasn't been there now, she's a keeper for sure :)  @Cazii

 

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JMichael

I'm a mostly happy-go-lucky, hopeless romantic ace. I have been with my partner for 17 years, married for 14. Our different forms of attraction haven't gotten in the way of lots of wonderful adventures, caring for two dogs, and enjoying spending time with each other's family. I don't mean to sugarcoat things, it isn't always easy, and there are times when I know we let each other down. There's a lot of communication work and creativity involved, but isn't that the case with any relationship that works? She is more introverted than I am, and i have some amazing platonic "soul friends"  that I connect with for significant socializing. One key factor is regular conversation on the meaning, significance and positive effects of our bond. Along with that, It has meant remembering to share gratitude for our different ways of appreciating each other.

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ArcticFoxes

I've been married for a year and a half to a sexual partner. We are in a polyamorous relationship. He has high sexual attraction to new people, but a low libido after that. That works well for me as I am quite happy to have sex with him for sensual and romantic reasons, but rarely, due to his libido being low, so I don't feel like it's a chore or obligation. He's happy sexually, and so am I. He was more excited than I was to find the grey-a/asexual label for me than I was. It was super sweet. x)

 

I have also dated other people, and slept with them, though since accepting myself more these relations have changed in nature as I am far less willing to compromise on what I want. I have yet to have a new relationship since I started identifying as ace...But there may be something in the pipeline, I met someone through the poly community that is on the ace spectrum and we get along well, so will see if anything happens there...^.^

 

Either way, my life as it is right now and my relationships and friendships I have made are all a huge success in my eyes.

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wooyoo

Hello everyone

I felt compelled to join your community after reading the recent Daily Telegraph article and following the link. To keep it short, I simply wanted to offer hope and any support if I can be of help. My wife and I have been very happily married some 33 years and have been together 36 in all. I love her even more today than the day I first saw her and I find her just as sexy and attractive. The twist is that I have always had a high sex drive and she is asexual, something we never knew until a while after we were married.

Of course there is a convoluted back story to all this that I won't bore you with. I just wanted to tell you that it is possible to find a  partner and be happy regardless of different sexual energies. It takes work. It takes adjustment. Of course it does, but so do all relationships. From my perspective, however, sex is 95% important in a bad relationship and only 5% important in a strong relationship. When two people fall in love choosing to make a 5% adjustment is not so daunting.

If you find comfort in this note feel free to fire away with questions. I just showed my wife the article and she was surprised and relieved to find so many who felt the same things she has felt all these years. Then I came on AVEN and there seemed an overwhelming loneliness about the forums. So, I just wanted to offer some hope. Maybe it is rare, but it is not impossible.

 

Best

WY

 

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Avangelica

Last year I became friends with a girl who was dating a guy. We got closer and closer everyday until you could no longer tell who she was actually dating. Then after a very rocky ending to her relationship and a recovery period for her we started to take a better look at our own relationship and realized we wanted to use the terms 'girlfriends' and 'dating' as saying we were just platonic friends really didn't feel right to us. I also helped her to discover romantic preferences and sexuality didn't have to be the same which in turn helped her figure out the depths of her romantic and sexual attractions.

We both recently moved into residences at separate universities in Ottawa and are still very happily together. We help each other through our bad days and enjoy the bliss of good days. It's the first time I haven't felt caged and depressed when in a relationship. Part of that I think comes from the fact that she isn't sexually interested in women so I feel no obligation to fulfill those needs and that I am perfectly okay with her seeking both sexual and romantic relationships with other people. She actually has two boyfriends as well and the three of us all know about each other and I've already met one of them (he's lovely and we are sarcastic a**holes together). 

I know our type of relationship isn't common place or a possibility for everyone. Not everyone would be comfortable sharing their partner with others, but with us it works. She has so much love to give; I want her to be happy and well cared for and the two men in her life help me to accomplish that. It goes to show how trying new things, taking chances, and communicating the limits of what your comfortable with really helps in a relationship (not just romantic ones). 

My girlfriend is my success story and I couldn't see my life without her.

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Chaotic_Kitten

I have been with a sexual guy for 13 yrs, married for 11yrs. I did not figure out I was on the ACE spectrum til after we were married. We thought I was just depressed which caused touch aversion. I knew I was different, but I did not know why. My husband was and still is super understanding and patient with me. We have a great life and are looking forward many more good years. 

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Sibemarie

I have met my best friend/"partner" 20 years ago. I am female and he is male. Through the years we became friends and then closer friends. He had dates in the meanwhile but our friendship evolved to this natural relationship with strong bonds of lifestyle, ideas and oppinions. Shared happiness, sorrow, mutual support. Travelled together. Never kissed, never felt mutually atracted in anything physical. A deep connected but completelly asexual relationship. Sadly we have been away from each other recently due to my work abroad. Apart from the oods, i can consider i have met the person i need. What i wanted, a true, great, amazing best friend.

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SuperSpAceChips

I had began truely identifying as asexual around two years ago and learned that this is why i don't find people attractive or sexy or hot. However, around three years ago, i began developing this crush on a friend of mine. I couldn't stop talking or thinking about him and every little thing he did (none of these thoughts were sexual obviously, it was just me literally thinking about him. I didn't even know i was supposed to think about sexual things with crushes...that's sorta weird). He was the perfect person and i loved being around him. I never really thought much of it until 2015 where i began to really love him and he was the only thing on my mind. I had never really mustered up the courage to tell him. 

 

      That is until i noticed my feelings being reciprocated about october of last year. It had taken long enough! On November 14 2016, the love of my life told me he liked me. But not just liked me. He "loved me." i couldn't believe it, and now a year later, i still can't believe it!

   

  A couple of months ago i came out as asexual to him and he was surprisingly accepting of it.

 

A few weeks ago, i realized why as he told me that he was asexual himself! Now we're two asexuals who've been madly in love with each other for a year now and will continue to love each other for years to come.

   

        Here is my success story. Thanks for reading!

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Astryda

I've been married to my husband for a bit ober 2 years. He is sexual, however his needs fit into my asexual frame of what I want and don't want to do in that matter. So far it's working well :)

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AwkwardAxolotl
On 5/15/2017 at 7:11 PM, AwkwardAxolotl said:

I've been a queerplatonic relationship with a polyamorous, pansexual woman for 5 years now. I was always scared that she'd fall in love with a non-asexual person and not have time for me anymore, and she did fall in love with a heterosexual guy and marry him, but instead of losing her, I gained another queerplatonic partner. A married couple and their asexual partner might not be a traditional relationship format, but it works for us.

Update: My queerplatonic partner, her husband, and I just signed a lease for a house. I'm excited to be living with them full-time :)

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lastsnowfall

I've met my boyfriend over the website asexualitic.com - I didn't have much hope for this website, but I thought that I may win some new friends - after a year being registered but hardly active, I received a message from him on my instagram account (put my name up in the info box of asexualitic.com) and we started messaging each other every day for the first month - and then he decided he'd come to visit me in Germany (he lives in London) - the first 3 days were akward and wonderful at the same time, and when it was to say goodbye he finally kissed me - that was the moment that broke the ice and after a few meetups later we decided to make things official and now we're in a happy long-distance relationship; we see each other every 3-4 weeks and he's the most lovely and caring boyfriend I could have ever asked for :)

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crystal.webs

My partner and I have known each other since we were 9... Both our moms were good friends and brought us along camping trips and much so we grew up together~

 

We both had mad crushes on each other for years to come but strangely never acted on them, supporting each other through disastrous relationships.

 

She found her asexuality and I; poorly misinformed at the time, would simply think of myself as 'queer' or 'something, but I don't know what'.

 

Fast forward to today, where we've only been an official couple for a few months, but it truly does feel like years and I dare say we're happy~

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-Lex-

I'm aro ace and married to my aro ace husband, but neither of us figured any of that out until recently.  We've been together for 4 years and we just got married in July.  We're best friends, but we always struggled with being a *normal* couple and fit into all the societal expectations of a *normal* relationship.  I figured out I was asexual a few months ago, about 3 1/2 years into our relationship and only a few weeks before the wedding.  I came out and he was surprisingly okay with it.  A few weeks ago, my husband figured out that he is also asexual.  At that point, we started talking about the hard topics and really being honest with each other about how we felt about our relationship. 

 

Turns out we were both putting up this charade of being sexual and romantic towards each other just because we thought that was what the other wanted.  Now, we've figured out that neither one of us is sexually or romantically attracted to each other, or anyone for that matter.  We're just best friends and we couldn't imagine living without each other.  We've agreed to stop having sex or making out because neither one of us actually *wanted* or *needed* it.  So our (seemingly) sexual and romantic relationship turned out to be more of a QPR when we started being honest.  No more sexual or romantic expectations, no societal pressure to try to conform to, just decided to be honest and be our aro ace selves.

 

Now, we're happier than ever and our relationship has never been better.  The only thing I don't understand is how we managed to find each other without even knowing what asexual or aromantic meant.  Such a weird situation.

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bubblybaby

I really felt the need to share that I recently came out to my straight, sexual husband (and father of my 2 children) as bi-romantic and cupio-sexual (<- edit ^^) - after a long period of LOT of self searching and denial. 

We've been together for 7 years and married for 3 and things are going great! I'm so happy! He is so understanding :) 

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IvoryStardust

I've been with my fiance for almost 2 years and we're very happy. He's sexual, but understands me and never pressures me at all! He's so understanding, it's wonderful! We are open, so that he can, indeed, get his needs met... and I'm able to find an ace for companionship (so far no luck there, but it's ok). So I'm proof that if you're open and honest together and your partner is understanding, you can find someone and be happy.

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YuriAmethyst

 I have known my partner three years now we got to know each other in a German non binary trans group on Facebook and discovered  we were in several Facebook groups together so we started writing for a few months and then we started telephoning  and soon became friends bc we had Soo much in common 

 He always supported me when I was very isolated and had nobody to turn to I had the feeling he was the person who understood me almost like a soulmate 

 In 2016 we finally met personally At an event where we both went to and as I met him I  start realising that I maybe felt more than friendship but I thought immediately I should forget it because he probably didn’t want to be together with me because I considered myself as very unattractive and unlovable  and in that conversation a month later he even said that he didn’t want a relationship and I was never a person interested in just casual sex  so I just tried to ignore my feelings and was happy I had him as a friend 

 In October of that year I had to go to hospital and he was the only person who was there for me as I lived too far away he couldn’t visit but he was there for me on the telephone every time I was feeling lonely or sad and thus our relationship intensified 

 Last April I decided to visit him at home and on that weekend something changed and we both realise that our feelings went deeper than just friendship and so we just decided to have a platonic  relationship but then we discovered that we both enjoy BDSM 

 Now we consider ourselves partner and we live together in a shared flat as we live polyamorous he has no problem that I very rarely  have sex with him and that I have no sex drive he’s sexual but not overly active 

 We are planning to move together in our own flat and searching for an apartment now 

 

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JellyfishWishes

OOOOOH BOY, If my poor hubby was awake he'd scream "YOU FOOLS!!!! NOW SHE'LL NEVER SHUT UP!!!!"

We actually MET in high school (no- we were not high school sweethearts. wait for it.) He was reasonably popular and I was.... not. I took liking to him at first sight (which has never happened before or since) and followed him around hopelessly. The first thing I ever said to him was 'marry me' (ok- so I'm bad at flirting.) Naturally, he was a little bit off-put by me. I just wanted his company, not his body or time. He was so interesting, kind, polite, clean cut, well dressed, smooth, SMART (God help me brains are so attractive....) and the first person ever in my life not to want something from me. Actually he wanted LESS of me, and would occasionally try to shift my attention and run for it. :D Every time another girl showed interest in him I backed away instantly- I had no claim over him and women are typically frightful creatures when in competition. Some time passed and over four years we actually became good friends, even when all my other friends abandoned me because I wouldn't take their less-than-friendly bullying anymore, he stayed, unphased by their opinions and ridicules of me and him talking to me. because of that I felt a true romantic tug and desperately begged for a chance. he rejected me MANY, MANY times, saying we were way too different and all I felt was a crush and it would pass. A year into college I accepted that he'd never love me and was more than happy to just be his best friend if that's all he wanted me for.

Then the phone rang.

I was 30hrs into an already late art-final project for college, covered head to toe in charcoal and rage, and he asks me to be his.

Eight years of dating and one year of marriage later (roughly 12 years friendship) we're virtually inseparable.

He came out as bi-curious a few months into our relationship because he wanted me to find out sooner instead of later. I told him that was already part of him when I fell in love, and knowing about it openly doesn't change how I feel. A year or so later he realized he was completely bisexual and has since openly accepted it, but we refuse to be the type of people who go "HI My name is ____, I'm gay/bi/ace!" we feel that unless we're trying to get you in bed, our sexuality isn't all that crucial in day to day life. Surely straight people don't announce their straightness on entering a room, right? If it comes up, cool, if not, meh. Since then I've been to therapy, diagnosed as OCD, started to heal his childhood trauma, lost my entire family (relax, they're alive, they just want nothing to do with me), had a massive falling out with his family, partially made up with his family, eloped, discovered I was asexual, and are now starting the setup to the rest of our lives.

We're total opposites in some parts (asexual and bisexual, introvert and extrovert, couch potato and metrosexual, doer and dreamer) but we match in SO MANY more areas and fill in each others gaps seamlessly. An ex-friend of his called us a 'hand and glove' pair, and our other friends call us 'relationship goals'. Every relationship is different, but the best advice we give is 'relax, be you, don't be a jerk, walk away from a fight but always come back to talk, LISTEN, and START. AS. FRIENDS.'

To all other aces out there- the 'friend zone' is bunk. Think about it. Friends know you suck and like you anyway:wub: 

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Cryss2013

Today I told the guy I'm dating that I'm ace and we're still together yay!

He only knows one other ace person and that person is sex averse and touch averse, so he did ask a lot of questions about what it means for me and what I'm comfortable with. And we both talked about how we feel and how we might feel as the relationship goes on. We both know there's a risk of feeling guilty on both our sides (him for wanting something I don't want, and me for not doing something he wants to do) but he said that basically, if it's a problem, he wants to get to that point and have that problem with me - not just get out and leave because of that. 

We've been talking about intimacy, and he's been confirming a lot of things with me which is great, and there's a surprising amount of common ground despite him definitely being allo.

We're both falling in love, and it's a great feeling to know what we're in this together. 

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Gatsogee

I'm getting emotional while reading these,  I'm just trying to fix my relationship with my sexual bf and it's not going well. I'm happy that so many people have found love and r happy (:

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JellyfishWishes
4 hours ago, Gatsogee said:

I'm getting emotional while reading these,  I'm just trying to fix my relationship with my sexual bf and it's not going well. I'm happy that so many people have found love and r happy (:

It will be ok. Even if it doesn't work out, it will be ok. There's nothing wrong with going your separate ways instead of trying to force two pieces that simply don't fit well together. Obviously we all hope the best for you, and wish desperately for your happiness and that of your bf, but in all you do be at peace.

Compromise and communication are two of the biggest parts of any relationship, but they can only do so much.

I wish you the best, and the peace of mind to accept what will be. And as many of us will attest- there is happiness out there. Its an elusive little bugger, but its there. :)

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JellyfishWishes
On ‎1‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 3:20 PM, Cryss2013 said:

Today I told the guy I'm dating that I'm ace and we're still together yay!

He only knows one other ace person and that person is sex averse and touch averse, so he did ask a lot of questions about what it means for me and what I'm comfortable with. And we both talked about how we feel and how we might feel as the relationship goes on. We both know there's a risk of feeling guilty on both our sides (him for wanting something I don't want, and me for not doing something he wants to do) but he said that basically, if it's a problem, he wants to get to that point and have that problem with me - not just get out and leave because of that. 

We've been talking about intimacy, and he's been confirming a lot of things with me which is great, and there's a surprising amount of common ground despite him definitely being allo.

We're both falling in love, and it's a great feeling to know what we're in this together. 

That's fantastic!!! I'm so happy for you!

It always warms my heart to hear communicating couples who are willing to work through their issues. So many couples break up over eating the last of the ice cream (that's not an exaggeration- someone told me that)

Good for you two!

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EmTheDemiFairy

.

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23-inches

Hey, I'm really new here but I saw this thread and thought I would add.

I'm currently dating this really awesome sexual girl for almost 7 months now. She is the first partner I have ever been open about being ace with and she is super cool about it. She is a LGBTQIA+ activist in my state and already knew all about asexually, even had an asexual bff.

We choose to open our relationship so that she can pursue sex with other people if she wishes. I in no way think that this is the only way a relationship with one ace person can work but we decided that since neither of us mind she might as well lol.

I honestly believe the name of the game is education. If you can meet someone who already knows what asexuality is then you don't have to worry about them not believing you or taking it personally. 

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Kylocks

I will have been with my boyfriend (cis and straight as can be) for about 4 years this coming spring. We met freshman year of high school and one ridiculously complicated school trip later (in which all of the other bored teenagers were attempting to be matchmakers to make up for the lack of internet) we acknowledged that we liked each other. Over that summer we went on quite a few dates and it evolved from a friendship to a full relationship. Two years later and my friends are confused to my lack of sex life and in the middle of this I stumbled across the term for asexuality. I told him and his response was just to be myself and not to feel guilty about it. He's super understanding and never pushes me to do anything I don't want to do. I don't think we've had a significant fight as of yet, if we disagree we just debate it out and whoever has the most logical argument wins. We're making the long distance with us both in college work out even if it's not ideal and we've agreed that if either of us wants to experiment at all we just have to tell the other. I also discovered that I'm probably non binary as well this year and he just accepted it with a smile and told me that he loved me for me. He's my best friend and I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. :blush:

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thepennydrops

I love this thread, so happy for everyone :)  

 

My fiance and I met at an Aven meet in our home city 3 1/2 years ago. We've lived together for over 2 years and we're getting married this year :D

 

We have a straightforward, happy relationship with both of us on the same page.

 

It feels miraculous given my past relationships, I'd become resigned to being single and he blew all right out of the water.

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linnicole

I've never cared to understand why I don't care for sex until I started dating my fiance. We've now been together for 4 years. At the beginning of our relationship, we messed around for maybe 6ish months without any problems. Before dating him, I never wanted to have any kind of sexual contact with any of my ex boyfriends, I just had 0 desire to have a sexual connection. Now that I'm with my fiance and I have completely lost sexual interest in him, I became concerned. I wanted answers because I love and care so much about him. He began to become concerned and somewhat frustrated (which I expected). After doing research, I learned about asexuality. I talked to him about this and he has actually done research on his own time so he can become more educated. Now we've been together for four years, we're getting married in 10 months and we couldn't be happier. I've never been with someone who is so understanding, patient and loving. I also never thought I'd find someone who would be okay with who I am. Definitely an amazing feeling!

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anonymiles

Technically this may not be a success story since we've now broken up.

 

Even though we're no longer together, I wish her the very best.

 

She was honestly the first person I felt comfortable being myself with. She took the ideas I had of love and marriage and straight up flipped that shit on its head and out into the bin. She said she felt safe with me as well and that she thought I was the love of her life.

 

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