On “sexual attraction” meaning and the difference between being asexual and non-asexual sex-repulsed

[Lady Girl]

I've never been in that position, so I can't say. I did mention though that I take it for granted that the male I am with has that part. I didn't say it doesn't matter at all...it just isn't what I'm sexually attracted to. I am attracted to the person and desire to have sex with them. I'm heterosexual (not pan), so my attractions and desires tend to match that...as well as my behaviors and how I think about it all.

[WhenSummersGone]

I've never been in that position, so I can't say. I did mention though that I take it for granted that the male I am with has that part. I didn't say it doesn't matter at all...it just isn't what I'm sexually attracted to. I am attracted to the person and desire to have sex with them. I'm heterosexual (not pan), so my attractions and desires tend to match that...as well as my behaviors and how I think about it all.

I can agree that this is a difference between asexuals and sexuals. By any chance is it the penetration part you like? Doesn't sexual mean attracted to someone's sex as well as their gender? Asexuals aren't attracted to sex as I see it but most do have a gender preference. If you're only attracted to cisgendered males that means their sex is just as important, and sex is what someone has between their legs. Which to me is sexual attraction. Feel free to correct me but if you desire sex with one's sexual parts that is attraction in a sexual way.

I'll also add that just because you have a preference on who you have sex with that doesn't mean you are asexual for the others you have sex with. We're not talking about what causes sexual attraction. The fact is sexuals experience sexual attraction and asexuals don't.

So obviously I can agree with Geo now (I'm not that stuck up to not admit when I'm wrong) with it being related to someone's sex, but I think asexuals call that sexual attraction which is linked to sexual desire.

[Lady Girl]

Yes, I do like penetration, but again, if it were just that it wouldn't work so well for me. It really is a whole package deal. His sex is not just as you say "between his legs"...he doesn't have breasts, he has facial hair, he has physical strength that I don't have, his masculinity is something that is exuded in his entire physical structure. That is definitely part of my sexual attraction for him, but who he is as a person (his intelligence, humor, and kindness) is just as important.

One of the real points I was trying to make is that what makes sexual people sexual is not attraction alone. It shouldn't be why asexual people are asexual. In fact, it may not even be the core difference. As it stands now, if sexual people (and plenty do) have sex with people they are not sexually attracted to, the definition does mean they are asexual towards those people, and that does seem ridiculous.

[WhenSummersGone]

Yes, I do like penetration, but again, if it were just that it wouldn't work so well for me. It really is a whole package deal. His sex is not just as you say "between his legs"...he doesn't have breasts, he has facial hair, he has physical strength that I don't have, his masculinity is something that is exuded in his entire physical structure.

One of the real points I was trying to make is that what makes sexual people sexual is not attraction alone. It shouldn't be why asexual people are asexual. In fact, it may not even be the core difference. As it stands now, if sexual people (and plenty do) have sex with people they are not sexually attracted to, the definition does mean they are asexual towards those people, and that does seem ridiculous.

Asexuals see those same things as you do but it doesn't lead to sex for us. If your partner looked this way but had a vagina you wouldn't be as interested.

Also Attraction is the umbrella term, and Sexual Attraction is a different kind of attraction. Much like Aesthetic, Romantic and Sensual are other kinds of attraction. Having sex with a penis is still Sexual Attraction, regardless if you find them good looking or not.

Comparing someone's beauty to a painting doesn't mean you want to sex with a painting, it means you are attracted to how a painting looks. The painting draws you in and you pay attention to it, doesn't mean you want it in a sexual way.

I'm just curious why you lump everything together when the words attraction, romantic, sensual, sexual and aesthetic have different definitions.

[Lady Girl]

Asexuals see those same things as you do but it doesn't lead to sex for us.

I agree with this.

Having sex with a penis is still Sexual Attraction, regardless if you find them good looking or not.

No, it's having sex with a penis, it's not sexual attraction in my estimation. People are having sex with a person (to whom they may or may not be sexually attracted)...not a body part. Honestly, it's far more involved than a body part, it really is.

I'm just curious why you lump everything together when the words attraction, romantic, sensual, sexual and aesthetic have different definitions.

This is why (it's a definition I'm quoting)...

"Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.[1][2] Sexual attractiveness or sex appeal is an individual's ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person, and is a factor in sexual selection or mate choice. The attraction can be to the physical or other qualities or traits of a person, or to such qualities in the context in which they appear. The attraction may be to a person's looks or movements or to their voice or smell, besides other factors. The attraction may be enhanced by a person's adornments, clothing, perfume, hair length and style, and anything else which can attract the sexual interest of another person. It can also be influenced by individual genetic, psychological, or cultural factors, or to other, more amorphous qualities of the person. Sexual attraction is also a response to another person that depends on a combination of the person possessing the traits and also on the criteria of the person who is attracted."

[WhenSummersGone]

Yes it is a body part, otherwise sexuals can have sex with anyone and be satisfied. Attraction to one's biological sex is the sexual part.

Here's the definition of Attraction: The act or capability of attracting.

Where does it say that attraction is sexual? Sexual attraction is an attraction, but not all attractions are sexual.

Asexuals don't see people in a sexual way, therefore they are not attracting us in a sexual way.

[Lady Girl]

I see desire for the act of sex with a certain sex as the sexual part of sexual attraction. I think I see your point, but I also think there is an overemphasis on body parts that not all sexual people experience and would call sexual attraction.

[WhenSummersGone]

I see desire for the act of sex with a certain sex as the sexual part of sexual attraction. I think I see your point, but I also think there is an overemphasis on body parts that not all sexual people experience and would call sexual attraction.

I can understand that, however the sexual part of sexual attraction is sexual attraction, that's all it is. Sexual attraction isn't something everyone experiences, especially asexuals.

Here's the definition of Sexual: Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction characterized by the union of male and female gametes.

Seems like it has much to do with reproduction organs, unless the definition of sexual is wrong?

When you say you want sexual activity that means sexual organs are involved, it doesn't matter what causes sexual attraction because sexual attraction isn't the starting point. If anything Aesthetic Attraction towards looks is more common, and looks are not sexual. I'm sure you can recognize when someone is good looking without wanting sex with them.

I just don't understand why attraction has to be sexual for everyone when asexuals don't consider themselves sexual. Attraction is just attraction. Is it just based on biological sex? Even so this isn't sexual to me. Even with a desire for sex you prefer a certain set of genitals over the other or both. I do feel focusing on sexual feelings may be better.

[Geo]

OMG this thread. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I will try to sum everything up but if this still doesn't make it clear I think I'm done with this thread.

Our model:

People have these innate desires to engage in certain activities with other people. Most of us feel these activities will be more rewarding, or only rewarding, with people we find appealing. However these desires can exist still in the absence of attractive people.When we are attracted to a person it can be for any number of reasons(Intelligent, kind, funny, like minded, athletic, good looking, ect.)and we choose to engage in these activities with those people.

Sexual people have innate desire for sexual activities(among other things as well), so when we are attracted to someone(which ever kind of attraction that may be) we want to have sex with them(among other things as well). Asexual people do not have innate desire for sexual activities, but in general every thing else is still the same.

Desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Attraction: the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.

Sexual Desire: a strong feeling of wanting or wishing for sex to happen. -OR- [The desire to experience sexual activities]
Other desires can be cuddle desire, sensual desire, romantic desire, ect.


Model AVEN pushes: (as I understand it)

Specific types of attraction cause people to want specific corresponding activities. People all experience different forms of attraction, except if they are asexual. Then they don't experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want sexual activities with a specific other person.
Sensual attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want sensual activities with a specific other person.
Romantic attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want romantic activities with a specific other person.
Aesthetic attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want to look at a specific other person.

Sexual desire: a strange synonym for sexual attraction(?)

Problems I see with AVENs model: (as I see it)

It's way to simple to account for the complexities present in human sexuality.

It implies the desire for sex(or anything really) comes from external sources, which I know to be completely false. (at least in my case) Which means if you take away those sources of sexual attraction it could some how magically turn me asexual. Which is obviously ridiculous.

Terms like attraction and desire don't really line up with their commonly understood dictionary definitions.

[WhenSummersGone]

OMG this thread. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I will try to sum everything up but if this still doesn't make it clear I think I'm done with this thread.

Our model:

People have these innate desires to engage in certain activities with other people. Most of us feel these activities will be more rewarding, or only rewarding, with people we find appealing. However these desires can exist still in the absence of attractive people.When we are attracted to a person it can be for any number of reasons(Intelligent, kind, funny, like minded, athletic, good looking, ect.)and we choose to engage in these activities with those people.

Sexual people have innate desire for sexual activities(among other things as well), so when we are attracted to someone(which ever kind of attraction that may be) we want to have sex with them(among other things as well). Asexual people do not have innate desire for sexual activities, but in general every thing else is still the same.

Desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Attraction: the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.

Sexual Desire: a strong feeling of wanting or wishing for sex to happen. -OR- [The desire to experience sexual activities]

Other desires can be cuddle desire, sensual desire, romantic desire, ect.

Model AVEN pushes: (as I understand it)

Specific types of attraction cause people to want specific corresponding activities. People all experience different forms of attraction, except if they are asexual. Then they don't experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want sexual activities with a specific other person.

Sensual attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want sensual activities with a specific other person.

Romantic attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want romantic activities with a specific other person.

Aesthetic attraction: a form of attraction that causes people to want to look at a specific other person.

Sexual desire: a strange synonym for sexual attraction(?)

Problems I see with AVENs model: (as I see it)

It's way to simple to account for the complexities present in human sexuality.

It implies the desire for sex(or anything really) comes from external sources, which I know to be completely false. (at least in my case) Which means if you take away those sources of sexual attraction it could some how magically turn me asexual. Which is obviously ridiculous.

Terms like attraction and desire don't really line up with their commonly understood dictionary definitions.

I understand everything you said, but having a sexual preference is an external factor. You want to share your sexual desire with someone you can see yourself having sex with. Asexuals can't see ourselves having sex with anyone.

No one in this thread, and I mean no one, has explained why sexuals can't have sex with any person. Does a Heterosexual male want sex with another male? Does a Homosexual woman want sex with a male? WHY THE HELL NOT??!!

I know what sexual desire is, but you said earlier in this thread that there is no difference between sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction when there clearly is, as you posted above. And you said it relates to someone's biological sex which I agreed with you on. I was arguing about sexual attraction not desire, as the title of this topic says.

To say asexuals experience sexual attraction doesn't make sense to me, which is why I feel so strongly about posting in this topic.

[Einy]

No one in this thread, and I mean no one, has explained why sexuals can't have sex with any person. Does a Heterosexual male want sex with another male? Does a Homosexual woman want sex with a male? WHY THE HELL NOT??!!

The desire for sexual activity is what makes you seek sex, the attraction is a matter of preference. I have a preference for males. But if I were on an island with women only, I wouldn't be attracted to them, but I would finally have sex with them because of the sexual desire I have. So I would want sex even if there wasn't anyone to be attracted to. So I agree with the sexual people here, that the sexual desire is what makes one sexual. Not attraction, it's only a secondary thing. I've had sex with people I wasn't attracted to, because I wanted sex. I would want to have sex with my asexual partner even though I'm no more sexually attracted to him. What's incomprehensible about it?

[WhenSummersGone]

No one in this thread, and I mean no one, has explained why sexuals can't have sex with any person. Does a Heterosexual male want sex with another male? Does a Homosexual woman want sex with a male? WHY THE HELL NOT??!!

The desire for sexual activity is what makes you seek sex, the attraction is a matter of preference. I have a preference for males. But if I were on an island with women only, I wouldn't be attracted to them, but I would finally have sex with them because of the sexual desire I have. So I would want sex even if there wasn't anyone to be attracted to. So I agree with the sexual people here, that the sexual desire is what makes one sexual. Not attraction, it's only a secondary thing. I've had sex with people I wasn't attracted to, because I wanted sex. I would want to have sex with my asexual partner even though I'm no more sexually attracted to him. What's incomprehensible about it?

Thank you. So I guess asexuals don't have a preference nor do we desire partnered sex. I'm still curious on the preference part, meaning you prefer one's biological sex over the other? I do still think a penis or a vagina, biological sex, plays a part in this which doesn't for asexuals.

Aesthetic means beauty if you google the word. If you compare it to the definition of sexual I posted you can tell they are not the same. There is a difference for us on here, maybe something sexuals can't separate (at least the ones in this topic).

[Einy]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

[Einy]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

I probably don't understand what you are asking about. Asexuals don't have the sexual desire and therefore they aren't attracted to people in a sexual way. They are of course attracted to people as well as sexuals but it can't be called 'sexual' attraction because of lack of sexual desire.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

I probably don't understand what you are asking about. Asexuals don't have the sexual desire and therefore they aren't attracted to people in a sexual way. They are of course attracted to people as well as sexuals but it can't be called 'sexual' attraction because of lack of sexual desire.

You just said earlier that sexual desire can exist without your preference towards males or females.

Sexual Attraction: Your preference on who you have sex with.

Sexual Desire: Your desire for partnered sex.

Much like I have a desire for a relationship and I'm romantically attracted to males.

[Einy]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

I probably don't understand what you are asking about. Asexuals don't have the sexual desire and therefore they aren't attracted to people in a sexual way. They are of course attracted to people as well as sexuals but it can't be called 'sexual' attraction because of lack of sexual desire.

You just said earlier that sexual desire can exist without your preference towards males or females.

Sexual Attraction: Your preference on who you have sex with.

Sexual Desire: Your desire for partnered sex.

Much like I have a desire for a relationship and I'm romantically attracted to males.

Yes, I also am romantically attracted to males and have a desire for relationship, only with an addition of sexual dimension.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

I probably don't understand what you are asking about. Asexuals don't have the sexual desire and therefore they aren't attracted to people in a sexual way. They are of course attracted to people as well as sexuals but it can't be called 'sexual' attraction because of lack of sexual desire.

You just said earlier that sexual desire can exist without your preference towards males or females.

Sexual Attraction: Your preference on who you have sex with.

Sexual Desire: Your desire for partnered sex.

Much like I have a desire for a relationship and I'm romantically attracted to males.

Yes, I also am romantically attracted to males and have a desire for relationship, only with an addition of sexual dimension.

Which brings me back to why everyone isn't panromantic and pansexual if your preferences don't matter? Obviously you can get your needs from anyone. It's sexual attraction that matters as much as sexual desire. A sexual desire for partnered sex with a direction.

[ithaca]

lol yes just for me. My point is, whether or not you have sex without attraction is more a personality thing, or a preference, but it certainly doesn't make me asexual.

That's true, I agree. It wouldn't make you asexual because you can have sex (behaviour) with people you are not attracted to, but there is still one (or more) gender(s) you naturally prefer in a sexual way (attraction). While asexual people can also engage in all sorts of sexual behaviours, they lack a natural predisposition toward one or more genders as far as sexual attraction goes (therefore there isn't the difference between "sex with someone i'm not attracted to" and "sex with someone I'm attracted to", 'cause the latter doesn't exist).

One of the real points I was trying to make is that what makes sexual people sexual is not attraction alone. It shouldn't be why asexual people are asexual. In fact, it may not even be the core difference. As it stands now, if sexual people (and plenty do) have sex with people they are not sexually attracted to, the definition does mean they are asexual towards those people, and that does seem ridiculous.

Sometimes when I make presentations on asexuality, one of the easiest way people understand asexuality is when it's explained with "it's how straight people feel toward the same sex, and gay people feel toward the opposite sex, but combined" (and then you add the romantic possibility). Do hetero people feel "in an asexual way" toward the same sex? Yeah, in a way. Are they asexual, then? No, because they still feel sexual attraction (toward the opposite gender).

[Einy]

I didn't say that preferences don't matter, it matters. Some people have stronger preferences some weaker. Some people will never have sex or a relationship with the same gender (if they are heterosexual and vice versa), some others don't mind, some people will have sex with the non preferred gender under some circumstances, some don't have preferences at all (pansexual). It's just that the desire is the base root why people consider themselves sexual, not their preference or direction of attraction.

[WhenSummersGone]

I didn't say that preferences don't matter, it matters. Some people have stronger preferences some weaker. Some people will never have sex or a relationship with the same gender (if they are heterosexual and vice versa), some others don't mind, some people will have sex with the non preferred gender under some circumstances, some don't have preferences at all (pansexual). It's just that the desire is the base root why people consider themselves sexual, not their preference or direction of attraction.

No, it isn't. Sexual Attraction matters just as much as Sexual Desire does. One is orientation and the other is behavior.

[Einy]

Sometimes when I make presentations on asexuality, one of the easiest way people understand asexuality is when it's explained with "it's how straight people feel toward the same sex, and gay people feel toward the opposite sex, but combined" (and then you add the romantic possibility). Do hetero people feel "in an asexual way" toward the same sex? Yeah, in a way. Are they asexual, then? No, because they still feel sexual attraction (toward the opposite gender).

Wouldn't be more comprehensible to say that asexual people don't have the inner desire for partnered sex?

I can imagine myself wanting to have sex with a female if there weren't any males possible, even though I don't consider myself bisexual.

I didn't say that preferences don't matter, it matters. Some people have stronger preferences some weaker. Some people will never have sex or a relationship with the same gender (if they are heterosexual and vice versa), some others don't mind, some people will have sex with the non preferred gender under some circumstances, some don't have preferences at all (pansexual). It's just that the desire is the base root why people consider themselves sexual, not their preference or direction of attraction.

No, it isn't. Sexual Attraction matters just as much as Sexual Desire does. One is orientation and the other is behavior.

And which is behaviour?

[WhenSummersGone]

Sexual Desire is behavior. I could engage in sexual activities for fun or boredom, but I would still be asexual. Men who have sex with other men in prison doesn't make them gay, it means they have sexual desires. Your preference is what matters.

[Einy]

Sexual desire definitely isn't behaviour. Behaviour is behaviour. What you feel inside, what you really want, what you feel in your mind, heart and body is not a behaviour, it's a feeling, an emotion. Every sexual who feels sexual desire knows it.

[WhenSummersGone]

Sexual desire definiely isn't behaviour. Behaviour is behaviour. What you feel inside, what you really want, what you feel in your mind, heart and body is not a behaviour, it's a feeling, an emotion. Every sexual who feels sexual desire knows it.

Yes it is, you are behaving in a way to get rid of your sexual desires. Your orientation is who you prefer to have sex with. Behavior is the action, not the attraction part.

[ithaca]

Sometimes when I make presentations on asexuality, one of the easiest way people understand asexuality is when it's explained with "it's how straight people feel toward the same sex, and gay people feel toward the opposite sex, but combined" (and then you add the romantic possibility). Do hetero people feel "in an asexual way" toward the same sex? Yeah, in a way. Are they asexual, then? No, because they still feel sexual attraction (toward the opposite gender).

Wouldn't be more comprehensible to say that asexual people don't have the inner desire for partnered sex?

I can imagine myself wanting to have sex with a female if there weren't any males possible, even though I don't consider myself bisexual.

Well, people keep saying "it's impossible" not to desire sex, and they understand it better when I point out they naturally don't desire sex toward one or more genders (unless they're bi/pansexual, which makes it harder), and that another group of people naturally doesn't experience desire toward other gender(s). And asexuals are like these "negatives" of attraction put together.

Sexual Desire is behavior. I could engage in sexual activities for fun or boredom, but I would still be asexual. Men who have sex with other men in prison doesn't make them gay, it means they have sexual desires. Your preference is what matters.

I definitely disagree that sexual desire is behaviour. I consider sexual desire to be a synonym of libido, personally, though people may disagree. I don't experience libido, I don't experience sexual desire. They may be the same thing, or cause and effect, to me it makes no difference personally :D Sexual people have a libido that is naturally directed more toward one or more genders. Asexual people don't.

[Geo]

I think many asexuals have preference, they want to date a male or a female, they just don't have the sexual desire. I prefer males because of some masculine characteristics, because I feel good in a relationship with a man, because I like sex with a man. For example I would't like to have a relationship or sex with a feminine man even though he has a penis. As Lady Girl has said it's a pack and sexual organs are part of it, but it's not the thing I'm attracted to. I think my attraction as a heterosexual is the same as for the heterosexual (female) asexuals, but because they don't have the sexual desire they probably don't care whether their partner has any sexual organs, while I care because otherwise we couldn't have sex. But many of them still prefer male over female and vice versa.

I understand completely but what makes this sexual attraction for asexuals? And not just the word attraction? Nothing about our attraction is sexual as we don't see others in a sexual way, at least I don't.

No. We are saying there is no difference between asexual and sexual in terms of attraction. (At least at the general group level, of course individuals differ quite a lot). Sexual people and asexual people are capable of experiencing all the same forms of attraction.

The difference. Asexual people don't desire sex, so they don't want to have sex with the people they are attracted to. Sexual people do.

Sexual Desire is behavior.

No

[Geo]

I consider sexual desire to be a synonym of libido, personally, though people may disagree. I don't experience libido, I don't experience sexual desire. They may be the same thing, or cause and effect

No, libido is more base than sexual desire. It's purely physiological. It's like the fuel that fires sexual desire. Sexual desire has a much more psychological component to it. Libido = I wan't my genitals stimulated and/or an orgasm. Sexual desire = I want to do that with a partner(s).

Easy way to think about the difference. Libido can be taken care of through masturbation, sexual desire can not.

[WhenSummersGone]

What I meant which didn't come out right was your behavior has nothing to do with your orientation. Having or not having sex doesn't make you sexual or asexual. It's the attraction that matters, not the desires you need filled.

[Geo]

What I meant which didn't come out right was your behavior has nothing to do with your orientation. Having or not having sex doesn't make you sexual or asexual.

No one here ever said that.

It's the attraction that matters, not the desires you need filled.

This is incorrect. They both matter, but for me and a lot of sexual people desire matters more.