Robin L Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and gender identity. Which one was harder for you to figure out? Mine is romantic orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
sound_the_bugle Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Definitely romantic orientation. Even when I question my gender identity, it's not a very serious question, because I return to, "Well, I think I'm female. Not feminine female, but female." And sexual orientation was a given once I found the word. Link to post Share on other sites
ObsessedWithCats Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual and romantic orientation were fairly easy to figure out, though I spent some time thinking on both to be sure. The hardest by far is gender; I'm still not really there, though I've found something that's working for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaHoward Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 (a)Sexual orientation. Always known my romantic orientation, and well, I'm a male :P At least last time I checked :O Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Gender identity, no question. Even my romantic orientation was incredibly easy to pin down in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Gender. I still dont understand myself there. I am just a Messen, I guess. :P Link to post Share on other sites
5_♦♣ Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Gender identity. It took me like, a whole decade to figure it out. In fact, if I had to rank them from hardest to easiest to figure out, it would be: 1: Gender identity. 2: Romantic orientation. 3: Sexual orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_princess Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 sexual orientation, because it took me a while to understand the difference between sexual attraction and the other types. romantic orientation still looks mysterious to me, i still don't know what it really is, but i thought "i like boys. i don't wanna have sex with them, but i fall in love with them. i don't fall in love with girls. so i must be hetero romantic". gender was not a problem, i've never had questioned it, since i am a female and i feel totally female. Link to post Share on other sites
. . .but there are sounds Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Romantic orientation was dead easy for me, I like people fairly indiscriminately so I have never really felt the need to append any prefix to the word romantic. Sexual orientation was weird, but not hard. I didn't really think about it until my friend brought up asexuality and then it was as simple as, "yep, that sounds about right." Gender on the other hand, is like trying to do rocket science while conducting brain surgery on one's self. It is a big giant mess and I am inclined to throw up my hands and say "nope" to the whole thing. I am pretty happy with (and have been for some time) just saying "I don't identify with gender" but I am sure there is more to be said about it if I wanted to spend who knows how much time plumbing the depths of that response. Link to post Share on other sites
Celestine Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm really ace, grey-A, demi, or just confused. :/ But my romantic orientation and gender were never in question. Link to post Share on other sites
Robin L Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 Interesting responses, because I never had a problem with sexual orientation and gender, but romantic orientation make me go "Nope, not touching that". Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Romantic orientation. Still don't know if I'm aromantic or I-like-you-in-my-own-way-romatic. xD Link to post Share on other sites
FairlyAngel Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'm sorry but I really can't choose! My sexual orientation was not too hard to discover but hard to accept. My gender it took time to really understand and find a label to what I was feeling... My romantic orientation was the last to realize and come to terms with... Still don't get it because I might experience sexual attraction when I'm romantically interested in someone, sometimes it almost feels like the same thing, but only "almost" because at the end of the day I would still be homosexual... I might have fantasies about a guy but I don't actually want to "do" something with him in real life other than cuddle... It's very very confusing and almost impossible to explain to other people... :( I don't understand how others can be so crystal clear about their identity... Everything seems like a gray zone to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
K!m Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Romantic orientation because of the confusing and troubling homo-squishes I had. *Sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Heart Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Definitely gender for me. I'm still working it out! The other two were just a matter of separating once I'd found out about asexuality - and I've only ever been attracted to males...it's just my own gender identity issues that temporarily confused how to term romantic orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation - not at all. I may not have always had a name for asexuality, but being nonlibidoist made it pretty clear that I couldn't be heterosexual Romantic orientation - somewhat, although I used to be pretty certain of this too. Recent events have had me questioning it Gender - somewhat more. Unlike with romantic orientation, I was never really certain of this and possibly never will be However, of the 3, I am the most concerned with romantic orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
caffeine Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation, definitely. I'm still trying to find my spot on the spectrum - so far it's somewhere on the gray part of it...Romantic orientation was easy - I've been romantically attracted to one (1) man in my life, and I think it was more of a 'the-cool-boy-crush' type of attraction. Everything else was women, women, women. So yeah, pretty easy there. For quite some time I believed that the romantic orientation pre-determines my sexual orientation and considered myself homosexual, and just lately realized it's not that easy. Gender - never had explicitly questioned my gender identity. I feel quite androgynous (always have), I look and act the part, but I'm comfortable with the gender asociated with my biological sex. I just wish people would learn that not every girl has to act and look like a Disney princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation is the ONLY thing that confused me. I've never fit "girly", but I never minded female as a label. I was born with a female body and just because I reject the gender identity thrown on me (no, I don't like shopping or soap operas or want to be a housewife with lots of kids and a white picket fence) never meant I needed to reject the gender. It never felt wrong to me. (Note: I am not saying gender identity is linked to stereotypes, I am merely stating my own reasons for being OK with the gender I was born). Romantic orientation was easy, I only ever crush on guys. Sexual orientation was difficult. It took me 12 years to figure that one out. TMI in sections, but if you wanna know my abbreviated journey to discovery: At 13, I realized I didn't like ANYONE aesthetically or sexually. As I aged, I kept feeling OTHER about things. Even after trying, pretending, telling myself I HAD to feel SOMETHING for SOMEONE.. nothing. I enjoyed sex for the closeness with my partners, but I didn't enjoy the act for itself, I didn't care about masturbation and it was just like ... Ok, can we just cuddle instead? Talk? Watch a movie? And I knew this wasn't how I was SUPPOSED to feel. After a few months of being sexual with someone, I just got so bored of it. Limerence stage keeps me able to do it, since ANY touching is good, but once that is gone it's just an annoyance. But, I didn't know about asexuality, so I kept pushing myself to be "normal" and one day I would meet the guy of my dreams and it would all work. At 16, I dated a guy that was universally considered attractive by everyone I knew. I basically mauled the poor guy, even in public, trying to spark something and just left myself feeling empty (though, he was really happy with it). No one could understand why I wasn't fulfilled with the guy when I tried to talk about it (oh, you have a really hot guy that does anything in bed you ask him to? What is the problem?). At 18, I thought "huh, maybe I am into girls?" So, I played around with that idea for about a week before it was like "No, girls are even less appealing sexually than guys." So, I just went on trying to make myself content in sexual relationships, dressing up for partners and going along with whatever they wanted. My mom and grandmother weren't much help, since they kept telling me "You're just female, no woman likes sex. We do it totally for the men." At 25, I FINALLY heard about asexuality after googling how to fix a really low libido when it became an issue with my current partner. And now I am content with non-libidoist asexual. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Kathlyn Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation. I'm a girl, I fit my gender, so there wasn't any problem. My romantic identity was decided the minute I heard about aromantics, my sexual identity was hard. Because I don't fit many of the stereotypes that I had seen posted. I was like that fits, but what if I'm not, for a few years, then I found a topic on gaia, and someone discussed it with me, and cleared up all my worry, and I was like awesome, even though I don't fit the stereotypes, I'm still ace, and they let me know about aromantics, and I was essentially set. Now I'm just figuring out where and how all the stuff fits together, and whether "I'm really more of a demi, or ace, and does it really matter" (<~ thought pattern). Also my libido was what made it harder for me to ID as asexual, since it's higher then most ace's seem to be and as I youth I didn't know they could be separate. Link to post Share on other sites
sanremi52890 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual was definitely hardest. Probably would have been easier if I hadn't been asexual. I just didn't know asexuality existed, so. Romantic, easy, ever since I started having definite romantic feelings for both genders. Never bothered to question it.Gender, easy.... I'm pretty feminine. Really interesting thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Notte stellata Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Sexual orientation was hardest for me to figure out. I've identified as demi, grey, and finally asexual. One reason it was hard for me was that I'm totally non-repulsed and can enjoy sex. Another reason was the confusion around the term "sexual attraction." Once I decided to adopt the desire-based definition of asexuality, it became much more intuitive to me. I've never questioned my romantic orientation (heteroromantic). As for gender, I'm not really sure whether I'm cis or genderless, but I don't care because "female (by default)" works well enough. I had never thought about my gender identity before finding AVEN, and I still don't get the significance of gender. So you can say I don't care to figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Is there a "Pfff, hard?" option? Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Don't know... Kind of all of them is easy or hard, considering lacking any feeling or trying to put it into concept. I'd say... Romance is the trickiest to put in terms, followed by gender then sexuality feels easiest to understand... I think Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I like men and I'm fine with my body, so my romantic orientation and gender identity have been set in stone. (Although I don't totally understand the concept of gender to be honest.) My sexuality is kind of a grey area so that took finding a term for it... Although now I'm pretty much eh whatever toward labels. Link to post Share on other sites
peanut-butter-cloud Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Well, my gender identity was never in question, personally, but once I found out what asexuality and aromanticism were, it was immediate, they just clicked immediately. So I guess none of them were difficult, but that's not an option. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Sexual Orientation has been definitely harder. I always knew I was a romantic and agender though. Link to post Share on other sites
sparky12 Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 sexual orientation was definitely hardest, because i didn't know asexuality existed. How i saw it was I'm not lesbian so i must be straight, but then i would question that too. i have had a romantic relationship with the opposite gender, but never knew what to do, and he just thought that i hated romance, but i'm still not sure on what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
littleheartsofjoy Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Sexual orientation wasn't really so difficult but it was probably the most difficult because I didn't know that asexuality was one until this year. Link to post Share on other sites
Arctangent Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Romantic orientation, for sure. Sexual orientation wasn't too hard for me to figure out, although I have questioned it before, and while I've always felt ambivalent about gender, it hasn't caused me nearly as much confusion as romantic orientation. In fact, I still haven't technically figured whether I'm romantic or aromantic; I just eventually decided it wasn't important and stopped trying. :P Link to post Share on other sites
MXC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 sexual orientation was the hardest to figure out as I'm gray and my body always enjoyed sex even without desire for it. gender identity has been the hardest to "accept", I always knew, but didn't know being agender was possible so I've focused too much in my bio sex romantic orientation always been plain clear. Link to post Share on other sites
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