Did your parents talk about sex?

[PlanetF]

Oh dear lord, my Mum's introduction to "the talk" was presenting me with an illustrated book, and telling me if I had any questions I could ask her. It was horrifying. But I did learn a lot and aced my sex-ed classes later on! I think it's important for parents to broach at some point, if only so people can know when they're being pressured and that it's ok to say no. Also, biology. Also, it would be more awkward if you wait too long.

[purple_rain]

My mom told us kids about it once, and that was it. Sex had always been a taboo topic. Uttering the word itself or any words associated with 'sexy' things used to be tantamount to using swear words.

For a long time I've been wondering if my upbringing had anything to do with my disinterest in sex, but I seem to be the only asexual in my family ...

[Donnalee]

Yes. I am Hungarian-Bohemian-Romanian-Jewish-German-Irish. Grew up primarily in out of the way places all over. Imagine you grew up an American Indian [i was not] long ago in a traveling campsite whole family living in a tent. Grandparents, parents and siblings with a stray cousin or two. Now nearly everyone had the usual amount of sex drive [whatever that is] so grandparents sometimes did their thing, Parents more often. By the time you are of age you don't need told much. Despite this enviroment you are told little things here and there along the way reguarding sexual matters, usually because you had questions. Understandable as you seen more than you understand. Now that is not exactly how it was for me but similar. Yes I was told about sex.

[Deleted Person]

My mum (dad was gone before my teens so I'm not counting him) never talked about sex or gave me the talk etc. but was very open about the subject and I could have asked her about it if I wanted. I suspect the biggest reason I didn't have those talks was because I didn't show any interest rather then she didn't want to talk about it. We also were good friends with a cat breeder and talked about breeding them so I think she just assumed I knew the details.

I also suspect that she's somewhere on the demi/grey/aromantic scale however as our views about most things are extremely similar, and she's never expressed a desire to date again.

As to when I knew I was different... well to be honest I think I only truly understood sexual attraction when I read it here a few months ago which would make it 26+ but I knew I was 'different' since about 12 when suddenly "everybody changed" as I described it. I just assumed no body interested me (the boys in my school were horrid! ugh!) however and only began to really ponder my strangeness when I was 20+ and began to realise I probably should have met at least one person I liked. So I put 19-25 as that was when I think I really began to understand.

[TheLonelyOne]

Where I live, sex is often taboo when it comes to parent-child conversations, but fortunately, my parents didn't have problem with talking about it, especially my mother. I've never been told any bullshit about birds and bees, when I asked where children come from, they simply told me how it works. I didn't have many questions anyway, cause I've had the internet since I was 9, so I was doing a lot of... "research" on my own.

I always knew that there was something wrong with me and I'm not like the other boys. I've always been interested in girls, but not in having sex with them, but I didn't really talk to anyone outside my family about it.

Anyway, my parents know that I'm a bit weird when it comes to relationships. I guess they're not familiar with the word "asexual", but they are aware that I'm not very interested in sex and they accept it.

[Melorian]

Found question three difficult as I am sure my mum is asexual but my dad is not.

My mum is very prudish and never spoke about sex. Still doesn't even though I am now 26.
My dad spoke about sex far too often and still does. He told me at 14 that he visited prostitutes. He still tries to talk to me about this, but I brush him off now.

Between them my parents ruined sex and relationships for me.

[Syphon]

Dad: Never tried to have 'the talk' with me. He also wasn't afraid to vaguely mention some of the things he wanted to sexually do when he seen someone attractive though.

Step Father: Forced me to watch a porno when I was 12, when my mother wasn't around, because he decided I needed to know and she was sheltering me.

Mom: Tried to have 'the talk' when I was 16, at which point I knew the basics from listening to people talk at school.

[Saraya]

My mother did but she more feared that at age 4 I'd get a bf.

["""]

No, thankfully I didint have to deal with that awkward moment :lol:

Dad: Never tried to have 'the talk' with me. He also wasn't afraid to vaguely mention some of the things he wanted to sexually do when he seen someone attractive though.

Step Father: Forced me to watch a porno when I was 12, when my mother wasn't around, because he decided I needed to know and she was sheltering me.

Mom: Tried to have 'the talk' when I was 16, at which point I knew the basics from listening to people talk at school.

Porn?? :lol: what a good way to teach about real sex O.o

[ChainSmokingBob]

I am from NZ and given that we don't have the same obscene taboos that the US does with regards to sex, a lot of us will have talked with our parents, mainly after the compulsory sexual education in primary schools.

I am disappointed to see you chose 'two of the most common nationalities' for the purpose of 'keeping it simple' as is too common.

[Christinanc93]

This is a hard, complicated question to answer, because I think that it involves a lot of intricate moving parts, so I'll just lay it all down for you and then I can see if it helps.

I am an American mutt. My heritage is Italian, German, Argentine, Cherokee, Yogoslavian(which isn't even a county anymore), Dutch, and who knows what else, if there's anything else, which makes me just dark enough that I could possibly be "ethnic" and just light enough that I could possibly be "white" with a large build. (and that's large in all ways, because even when I was really skinny, I was still "big" with large bones and very muscular). My parents are both lighter than I am, and I doubt they would identify as anything other than white. So there you go, nationality, ethnicity, and race.

This is the complicated part: did my parents ever talk to me about sex? Well, That depends on what you mean by that. Did they sit me down and have "the talk"? No. When I hit menarche they made me watch a video about (female, not male) puberty. But, I wasn't really ignorant about sex either, and I don't know why. They didn't talk about it. I guess I must have learned from TV or internet or listening to other kids at school or something, because I always had a pretty firm grasp on where babies came from, and I was worried about rape at a pretty young age. Again, I'm not terribly sure where I got that information.

Now, as for when I learned I was different: since....my whole life. My parents met in a bar when they were 18 and 19 (18 and 19!) and got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 20. (they got married when they were younger than I am now, and I will admit, that thought, freaks me out) They are still married 36 years later. My dad is an engineer. For those of you who know a few engineers, you probably have a pretty good picture, I don't mean to be stereotypical, but I've never seen someone, thought "I bet they are an engineer" and actually been wrong about that. The closest I get, is, on occasion, they work in a related field that doesn't have the word "engineer" in it, but easily could (ie. web development, computer programming, etc). Engineers are the most logical and eccentric people you will ever meet. They see things other people don't see and do things in ways other people don't do. I am not disparaging engineers, because I love them, and I did inherit those traits from my dad. Anyway, there is a point to this, I promise, just bear with me. My mom is the epitome of woman. She is a hopeless romantic who wanted nothing more than to be a mother. She stayed home with me. As a child, she wanted to be a nurse, when I got older, she worked as a clerical assistant, then as a chaplain, and now as a social worker. She has worked as a wedding planner, in child care, as a medical assistant, and as a preschool teacher. My mom thrives in the stereotypical "female" "supportive" roles. She is also EXTREMELY traditional. She doesn't like it that I....am not at all. In terms of myers-briggs, my mom is ISFJ, my dad is INTP, and I am ENTP (on the borderline of E and I).

Most likely because I am very similar to him, my dad made thing pretty easy for me to understand. The way he described it was that he didn't have much interest in dating (though he did date in high school) and when he met my mom, they became best friends and they decided to spend their life together. That's easy enough for me to understand. While I am not thinking I would want to get married, I would not mind being in a committed relationship (whatever that looked like) with someone I considered my best friend. My mom describes marrying my dad in much the same way, however, there is a big difference: my mom, when she was younger (and let's be honest, sometimes even now) have a plethora of crushes (mostly celebrity with a couple people she knew peppered in). These she talked to me about my whole life, but she always expected me to have them. I have NEVER been attracted to anyone, EVER. I went through a period in high school and middle school where I did desire a boyfriend, but mostly just because I thought I was "supposed to" have one. (and when I finally did actually start dating, it only took me a couple months to figure out that it wasn't really my thing, though, if people ask, I still go on at least one because it's a free meal and a chance to meet a new friend) I sometimes pretended to have crushes just to appease my mom, because if I said no, she was certain I was lying and would just keep asking. When I was in kindergarten, I told her it was a boy in the neighborhood named "Lucas" because he was m friend, the only boy's name I could remember, and I liked playing with him, because we could both play Cowboys and Indians and fake guns and later in the day, Pretty Pretty Princess. When I got a little older, I told her I had a crush on Justin Timberlake (since she was expecting me to have numerous celebrity crushes like she did) which really translated to "I like N*Sync, their music is awesome, and I can't think of the names of the other members of the band right now." Eventually, I stopped pretending, and so, she made them up FOR me. She believed I had a crush on a boy at church named Zac (even though we very rarely spoke, I thought he was kind of pompous, and he thought he was too good for me) and she still tries to pick out men for me and holds onto the fantasy that it will go somewhere. Even if I tell her about a new male friend, she thinks I must be romantically involved. I never understood it. I still don't understand it. I hate sex, and I just don't get romance.

My mom also used to get kind of upset because I hated dolls (though I love stuffed animals, still to this day) and I refused to play with them unless they were black (because I guess, I'm a reverse racist...dark skin is gorgeous, it's just a fact) and if I ever played with baby dolls (whih was extremely rare) I pretended that they were my siblings, never my children. I did not like playing mommy, I did not like playing house, I did not have crushes or puppy love. So, when did I know I was different: since I was in an environment that involved other people and my mom expected me to have crushes and want to play mommy and I didn't...so essentially, since I was a toddler. My parents never really talked about sex, but I have known I was different from everyone my whole entire life. So um....hope this answers your question, and sorry for the novel.

Also, as far as my parents' orientation goes, I am pretty sure they are both actually demisexual and heteroromantic. My dad seems not all that interested in sex things, and my mom insists that the only reason women want sex is o have babies, and they do it because men "need it". I'm pretty sure that is not true of most women, (or of men, for that matter, pretty sure no man has ever died from not having sex) but I guess that's telling of where she is.

[MadRat]

I can´t say simple Yes or No.

My mother talked about it only in very abstract and technical way.

My father never tried to explain things to me, he just talked disrespectful things about "hot" women and even more disrespectful things about me because I´m not "hot".

I wasn´t aware there´s such a thing like hymen until I was about 15. I was confused there´s something wrong with me physically because I couldn´t insert a tampon because of horrible pain.

I had no idea there are other types of sex than very slow and tender missionary position in the darkness until I was about 20. It was in fact "sex" I made up for the lack of information about real sex. Even later I assumed oral sex is something very kinky, what people usually don´t do. The same goes for anal sex, weird complicated positions, and even for sex in the light. (Because "OMG, who would want to be naked around another person when it´s not in the darkness?" )

I think sex education is not very well done in my country because it was too simple and technical too. Noone told us we should be prepared for various demands from our future partners and noone told us we need to learn to say "No!" That´s a big problem here. People, mostly women, are not able to say "No" when they don´t like something.

[Vivaldi Ives]

American here. My parents never fully explained sex to me, though I kind of wish they had--I was still learning new things about it throughout college. I also didn't get sex ed at school. I learned the "sperm meets egg" reproductive stuff early on, but didn't know what led up to that. My dad did tell me that people have to "sleep together" to get pregnant, so I assumed that sperm kind of leaked out and found its way into the vagina if a man and woman shared a bed. I eventually sort of figured out the mechanics from an encyclopedia article, but I didn't figure out that it was even supposed to be pleasurable, and that people would have sex for fun, for years after that. I barely knew anything about birth control until I got to college and started finding more information online. I did get some sex information from church as a teenager, which was basically "premarital sex is wrong but if you do it anyway and get pregnant, it's wrong to have an abortion." I was really confused about why sex was such a "temptation" that teenagers had to be constantly told not to do it...that's probably when I first realized I was "different" in some way. I thought I was somehow this special person with no sexual temptations...though I was also confused because I had a lot of strong crushes on guys, and lumped that in with lust/temptation in my mind, even though I never wanted to actually have sex with any of them. Anyway. I also recall that my parents left some sex ed books lying around the house a few times while I was growing up, probably in the hopes that I would read them, but I just glanced inside quickly and then left them alone because I thought I'd get in trouble for looking at them, and I was also still in denial about sex actually existing... For a few years, I hoped that it was all just some big joke and that it wasn't something real because it seemed so disgusting. I would say that my dad is sexual, but I'm not sure about my mom.

[Amatista]

My mom is a nurse so she gave me the sex talk in 5th grade. She used the official terms and everything, it was so gross to me. She is an American citizen from Cuba, and my dad is American with a German background. Both are heteroromantic heterosexual. I realized I was ace when I was 17.

[gner0]

My very sexual mother wasn't very good at hiding stuff so I found out young and then was put in an advanced comprehensive sex-ed program when I was 12. It didn't change who I was but definitely made me realize I was ace much sooner.

[Melody.ExE]

My mum has always been really casual talking about sex. I never had "The Talk", but rather lots of little talks spread out over many years. Sometimes the conversation would just go that way, because of something in the news, or a friend or family member had a new partner.

She bought me a book to explain the mechanics of sex, and she spoke to me more about the emotional side of it. She used to tell me things like "Don't let anyone force you into it, but if you're with someone you love, and you trust, and you're both legal, just do what feels right. And if it doesn't feel right, it's okay to say no, because honestly, sex isn't that big of a deal. It's not great, it's not earth shattering like the media seems to think it is. It's just okay, nothing more." I'm really glad my mum spoke to me about those kind of things, she really helped me feel more confident about my own feelings, and not care when people at school teased me for not being interested in dating.

I think I'm very lucky to have the relationship I do with my Mum.

[Suistar]

UK national with British parents, growing up in Switzerland, here.

o_O I'm a bit shocked how many of you had sex-ed or other information about sex when you were 8 or 9... We didn't have sex-ed in biology class until we were 14 or 15, and I don't think many people here needed the sex part of it much earlier than that, at least not in my class... (The puberty stuff is a bit useless at that age of course, but my mum talked quite freely about that with me and gave me a book on it.) I mean, at the age of 9, I'd have thought you shouldn't be thinking about sex at all, but playing in the garden... Maybe it's just my innocence or the culture here.

My mum also talked fairly freely with me about sex from time to time, and what it felt like for women, and so on. (Though it was still a special "girly" talk.) She said her parents never told her anything and that she wanted to do that differently :)

[MossyOwl]

Yes. It happened at least twice that I can recall, one talk by each parent. I would rather it never happened. The most preposterous talk was the one with my father. He was so, so incorrect. He and I were going on a trip through Central California the week before I started my first year of college. It was supposed to be a father-son bonding moment. At a local Denny's diner, this unfortunate subject came up. I nearly walked out of the restaurant on him when he said, "All people get horny sometimes and want to have sex." Instead, I sat in the booth and laughed internally for what seemed like 5 minutes. This is just one of the many reasons why my parents will never get to know about my asexuality.

[h_langley]

My cousin handled the sex talk. Little did she know how unnecessary it was XD

[gner0]

I do want to add that my mom neglected to talk about sex with my younger brothers so I took on that role and made sure to educate them about the science and emotional parts as well as relationships and what a good relationship looks like and what an abusive one does and how to kindly say no to someone asking you out and all that (a lot of stuff from my advanced sex-ed class which focused a lot on communication about sex with a partner and all that good emotional stuff).

The thing I found interesting as an ace person is that I could tell them all the facts and stuff that wasn't terribly in depth but I couldn't tell about certain things like masturbating and things specific things about having sex, I just can't do it. I don't understand it myself and actually naturally just assumed they were like me and didn't even want to have sex or watch porn or anything.

Anyway, I realize that being an ace makes the sex talk hard in some ways.

[Suma]

When I was about 4, I was presented with Babette Cole's books "Mummy Laid an Egg" and "Hair in Funny Places" which basically explain reproduction and puberty for kids.

That was my SexEd. I remember getting in trouble aged 7 for telling my classmates that storks don't bring babies, babies happen when "Mummys and Daddys fit together".

I kind of suspect my dad is somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but given when I talked to him about it, he just nodded and started discussing the traffic up ahead, I have only suspicions to go on.

[Zapstileon]

My mother talked to me about it when I was curious and asked. Other than that, I never officially had 'the talk'. But sex was a pretty open topic in our house. Now both my mother and I talk about it as we would discuss any other topic. For me, it isn't something to feel awkward about since I am not largely interested in it in the first place. My mother thought it was awkward to begin with, but after I told her I was ace at 17, she jut figured it didn't matter whether she talked to me about it or not.

[Lady Valacri]

My mother asked me if I knew what sex was and never brought it up again until she decided to ask me if I wanted to be put on birth control. Talk about awkward.

[Lady Girl]

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to re-start new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

Lady Girl, Moderator