Member54880 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 http://bitchmagazine.org/post/an-outsiders-perspective-on-sex-and-morality-in-hollywood A demisexual person talks about the consequences of others putting demisexuality on a pedestal, and how that ties into outdated beliefs on sexuality. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiUK Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I only skim-read the article, but I can see why the author (and you) are frustrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamphoenixfire Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I agree with this. So. Much. I get so angry when people are like that, it's so frustrating, it's a sexuality, it's not what one would consider "normal" and sometimes I wish I could be "normal" and I can't. This makes me very frustrated. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairlyAngel Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 If demisexuality is noble I think they should start calling me "your-highness". So far all I'm being called is prude and weird... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garin Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 The behaviour of demisexuals closely mirrors the behaviour many religious types claim to be in favour of; "saving yourself" and other such rhetoric. They don't understand that you're describing you have literally no sexual attraction to a person until after an emotional bond is formed so there's no great struggle (or even intention) to remain chaste prior to that point. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamphoenixfire Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 The behaviour of demisexuals closely mirrors the behaviour many religious types claim to be in favour of; "saving yourself" and other such rhetoric. They don't understand that you're describing you have literally no sexual attraction to a person until after an emotional bond is formed so there's no great struggle (or even intention) to remain chaste prior to that point. It's so annoying.... there is nothing "noble" about it. It's just how we are and there's not much I can do about that. There's not much really noble about waiting until marriage for sex either. I don't see the point. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Touchofinsight Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 But can you really blame them for their own ignorance? They know nothing else. The concept of demisexuality and asexuality combined together are almost non-existent in society compared to the save your self until marriage rhetoric.... so people are just supposed to know you are demisexual, or know what it means? Its not surprising that in this sexually repressed country (people talk about sex all the time in the media... but still seem to have a lot of issues with sex in general) that they would see your behaviors as noble.. because for them that is difficult to do. They see it from their own prism and their own point of view. Most people put themselves in your situation and wonder.. could I do that? A large majority of them who would feel sexual attraction a regular basis probably wouldn't be happy with the frequency of sex you describe. The very concept of not feeling sexual attraction is alien and unknown to them.. which is a fundamental basis of being demisexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rising Sun Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 A great proof that despite the decreasing influence of Christian churches, it's still good manners to be prudish, but for women only of course ! Who said men and women are equals in western society ? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip027 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Yeah, given how I've seen typical sexual behavior (as in, not just demisexual) growing up and given how repulsive I generally thought it was, I have to admit demisexuality looks more "noble" on paper. But that's quite possibly because to me (and here's where the antisexual side of me might be shining through), excessive promiscuity is not something I can really be supportive of, despite how common it seems to be in reality. Who says it has to be a choice to be noble? Plenty of people do such noble things and in their minds it isn't a choice either; it's just doing what feels normal and right to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member54880 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 The behaviour of demisexuals closely mirrors the behaviour many religious types claim to be in favour of; "saving yourself" and other such rhetoric. They don't understand that you're describing you have literally no sexual attraction to a person until after an emotional bond is formed so there's no great struggle (or even intention) to remain chaste prior to that point. It's so annoying.... there is nothing "noble" about it. It's just how we are and there's not much I can do about that. There's not much really noble about waiting until marriage for sex either. I don't see the point. It is arbitrary, but from the fundamentalist point of view, not having sex until marriage is considered noble, or almost a superhuman act because of all of the 'obstacles' and 'temptations' before marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glitter Spock Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 It's a little annoying that the author of the article defines demisexuality as only experiencing sexual attraction after having formed a deep romantic connection. In my own experience, the only sexual attractions I have had have been toward incredibly close friends for whom I felt nothing that could be called "romantic." I really like the rest of the article, though. Thank you for sharing this, Aqua! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiUK Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 If demisexuality is noble I think they should start calling me "your-highness". So far all I'm being called is prude and weird... Your highness! On another note. I got that too. And frigid. And from one man, I was 'out of my f****** mind'. The behaviour of demisexuals closely mirrors the behaviour many religious types claim to be in favour of; "saving yourself" and other such rhetoric. They don't understand that you're describing you have literally no sexual attraction to a person until after an emotional bond is formed so there's no great struggle (or even intention) to remain chaste prior to that point. This. It is arbitrary, but from the fundamentalist point of view, not having sex until marriage is considered noble, or almost a superhuman act because of all of the 'obstacles' and 'temptations' before marriage. I wish sex wasn't put on such a pedastool. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricK Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I understand where the attitude about demisexuality comes from.Someone who is very wealthy might be constantly worried that people are not attracted to them but to their money. Similarly, someone who is famous might be worried that another person is attracted by the fame; or someone who has power might be worried that the other person is attracted by the power. What they all want is for the other person to be attracted to them, to their personality. Now whatever it is that causes one person to be sexually attracted to another before they know each other well seems to be, in some sense, in the same category as these other things. The person is not being attracted to 'the essence' of the other, as they don't know them well enough to know what that essence is. But demisexuality comes close to that sought after ideal. If a demisexual becomes attracted to you, you can say to yourself 'this person has gotten to know me beyond the superficial, and they are attracted to me, to the person I am deep down.' That is why demisexuality might be put on a pedestal. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiUK Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Very good way of looking at it, EricK. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin_illusion Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I agree with the article when she says something along the lines of 'I don't mind being demisexual- but I mind telling other people' Luckily I've never been told that I'm a prude to my face, I've just had one girl who muttered that she wouldn't be able to stand being a virgin. But I frequently get praised for my virginity to the point that I AM embarrassed about it. I mean, not only are they putting me on a pedestal- they're kind of making me insult everyone else in the room. Its like I can feel other women judging me for 'thinking that I'm better than them' and some men just start drooling and I don't even want to think about what that is. I'm not trying to be better than anyone and the last thing I want is for men to start thinking of 'converting me' as a challenge. I legitimately haven't felt the desire to have intercourse with someone when it was offered to me. So if I don't feel like doing it, I don't do it. If that's some sort of noble choice then that is the lamest f**king way of making a choice I've ever heard. Edit: Also, I'm an atheist. The insult is people assuming I'm holding out for my husband to take claim of my body. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lob0 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Everytime someone calls my sexuality noble....I talk to them in a high class english mans accent 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairlyAngel Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I agree with the article when she says something along the lines of 'I don't mind being demisexual- but I mind telling other people' Luckily I've never been told that I'm a prude to my face, I've just had one girl who muttered that she wouldn't be able to stand being a virgin. But I frequently get praised for my virginity to the point that I AM embarrassed about it. I mean, not only are they putting me on a pedestal- they're kind of making me insult everyone else in the room. Its like I can feel other women judging me for 'thinking that I'm better than them' and some men just start drooling and I don't even want to think about what that is. I'm not trying to be better than anyone and the last thing I want is for men to start thinking of 'converting me' as a challenge. I legitimately haven't felt the desire to have intercourse with someone when it was offered to me. So if I don't feel like doing it, I don't do it. If that's some sort of noble choice then that is the lamest f**king way of making a choice I've ever heard. Edit: Also, I'm an atheist. The insult is people assuming I'm holding out for my husband to take claim of my body. I hate invisible insults, you cannot even respond to them because then people go all "oh I NEVER said THAT, you are just IMAGINING stuff" yeah yeah, it's all in my head... *sigh* Everytime someone calls my sexuality noble....I talk to them in a high class english mans accent lolz!!! I wish I could do that!!!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaerieFate Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Ha. Those are probably the same bastards that think that there's no point for me to get in a relationship if I'm asexual. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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