Jump to content
Robin L

Article on Mail Online

Recommended Posts

Robin L

Julie Sondra Decker is featured in an article on Daily Mail online.

'Men say I need a good raping': Asexual woman, 35, on how she never has, and never will, have sex.

'Men say I need a good raping': Asexual woman, 35, on how she never has, and never will, have sex

Julie Sondra Decker from Florida, started describing herself as 'nonsexual' at the age of 15

The blonde says that she's had more offers of sex than she 'wants to count'

But, 'without the feelings that usually go with that sort of thing, it's kind of gross'

By Sadie Whitelocks

PUBLISHED: 18:41 GMT, 23 October 2013 | UPDATED: 20:08 GMT, 23 October 2013

A 35-year-old woman has told how she has never felt sexually attracted to men or women.

Julie Sondra Decker from Tampa, Florida, revealed to MailOnline that she started describing herself as 'nonsexual' at the age of 15 and when she became aware of the term 'asexual', she changed it.

The outgoing blonde says that she's had more offers of sex than she 'wants to count' over the years but, 'without the feelings that usually go with that sort of thing, it's kind of gross.'

Happy being single: Julie Sondra Decker, from Tampa, Florida, revealed to MailOnline that she started describing herself as 'asexual' at the age of 15 and has never been attracted to men or women

The writer, who lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment, states that she is not interested in dating or pursuing a domestic partner.

'I have very close friendships but don't want a significant other. I don't want to find another asexual to be roommates with.

'As far as I can tell I'll be happy being single my whole life.'

In a YouTube video, Miss Decker says that as a young teenager she kissed and cuddled both boys and girls.

'We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual relationships are seen as something alive people do'

But she concluded: 'I never found anything that floated my boat.'

She says that her family were convinced that she was a 'closet lesbian'.

Before she went to college her mother even took her to the doctors because she wasn't expressing 'normal' interest in the opposite sex.

Given the all-clear she carried on with her studies, graduating from the University of Florida in 2000 with a degree in elementary education and psychology.

She said despite there being more awareness about asexuality today, it still remains largely misunderstood.

She's had male friends try and 'fix' her by kissing her against her will and many insist that she will 'wake up one day'.

infobox in the sidebar

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE ASEXUAL?

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.

Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.

Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

SOURCE: AVEN

Since opening up about being asexual on the internet, via YouTube and her blog, Miss Decker says that shes received death threats and been told by several commentators that she just needs a 'good raping.'

'When people hear that you're asexual, some take that as a challenge,' she told the Huffington Post.

'We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual attraction and sexual relationships are seen as something alive, healthy people do.

'They think that you really want sex but just don't know it yet. For people who perform corrective rape, they believe that they're just waking us up and that we'll thank them for it later.'

Miss Decker says that asexuality presents itself in many forms. Some people, while lacking sexual attraction to any gender, may engage in purely romantic relationships.

However, she defines herself as 'aromantic', meaning she does not have any romantic feelings either.

Professor Bogaert, an associate professor at Brock University in Ontario, Canada, suggests in his book Understanding Asexuality, that around one per cent of the world's population - 70million people - are 'asexual.

He believes that this demographic are 'under-studied' and that they can feel excluded from our 'very sexualised culture'.

Experts say a certain number of asexuals may have always existed but are only now starting to 'come out' as society becomes more liberal.

To her haters, Miss Decker concludes: 'I'm not damaged, lonely or in need of a conversion because I'm not interested [in sex].'

She hopes to raise awareness about asexuality through her writing and public speaking.

'[i want] people who feel similarly to know they're not alone.'

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oldgeeza

the lady is honest enough to admit she doesn't want to have sex, where is the problem? she has woken up, woken up to know exactly what she wants in life, who are these idiots who think she needs a good raping? do you know what rape is? forcing yourself onto a lady isn't going to make her think "Oh, I think I want to have sex now" after being raped, a horrific experience for anyone, this is an individual like the rest of us, if she doesn't want sex or a partner, even if you don't understand her reasons, respect them, respect her for her beliefs, I don't know her from Adam, but I fully support her & her beliefs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HomeBirdJen

Ah, The Daily Fail!

"...lives alone in a two bedroom apartment" - how is this relevant?! To be honest, it seems like one of their less biased articles, which is rare.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kimbo21

She is so good for visibility!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acing-it too

I can't believe some of the comments (actually I can.. I've heard most of them before) from she's got Asperger's to don't knock it until you tried it... There is such a lot of ignorance out there; that alone is a good reason to 'come out' in a newspaper. I don't blame those people though. For most it just doesn't fit their frame of reference (yet).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone

Good read, and people should know rape is illegal no matter who it's with. I already have a fear of rape as it is. I hope in time people will "wake up" and understand some people just don't desire/want sex. I'm glad more and more people are coming out about their Asexuality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

I can't understand this attitude people have, "you need a good rape." WTF? I have had that nasty comment directed at me, also. It's a sign of a sick society.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
swankivy

Oh, I found myself being talked about here by accident, haha. (That's me in the article.)

For those who might've been wondering:

They did not ask for my photo. They did not tell me a photo would be featured. They went onto my Facebook and took that picture, which is nine years old, because it was the only one where I wasn't wearing much I guess. Gotta have a good thumbnail to click for ratings I guess! (It was there because my Facebook is an author page and that was an example of how I didn't even stop writing when I went on vacation. It was taken next to a pool in Vegas.)

Also problems:

  1. That title: Very poorly written. Take out the appositive phrase “and never will,” and you have a sentence that says “Asexual woman on how she never has have sex.” In the title? Ouch.
  2. Also the title: I have never stated that I “will never have sex.” I don’t think I will, because I don’t think I’ll ever be attracted to anyone that way, but I don’t make dogmatic statements like that.
  3. Also the title again: I’m very put off by their need to put the word “rape” in this title.
  4. I’m repeatedly referred to as “the blonde” which sounds weird to me.
  5. A bunch of the quotes were mined from the Salon article published about me in 2005, a Huffington Post article, and one of my YouTube videos.
  6. It contradicts itself by saying I started calling myself “nonsexual” at 15 (changing to “asexual” later when the community settled on the term), then later saying I called myself “asexual” at 15.
  7. The statements about my family are false. My mom joked about how I’m probably a closet lesbian, because I cuddled with my girl friends in high school, and though she asked me to get a personal exam before going to college and asked the doctor about my lack of interest being a sign of pathology, she did not drag me around to doctors trying to see what was wrong with me.
  8. I don’t have a degree in psychology. I have a degree in elementary education. I took enough classes in psych to have a minor, though.

This article was then copycatted around the world on at least eight different sites (some of them non-English), and I got over fifty Facebook messages from men, most of whom were in Nigeria, explaining to me that I am very disrespectful to not realize that I am put on the Earth for a man to have, trying to convert me to Christianity, or telling me they would like to marry me and "take care of me." One of them was particularly disgusting, telling me that marrying him could help me "be normal" and that soon I would really have to admit that I only claim to be asexual because I like attention. When I laughed at him, he replied by explaining condescendingly that I WOULD be dating soon, and that WHEN that happens, I would think of him, contact him, and come crawling back with an apology.

Yeah man. Because "I'll change your sexual orientation with my magical genitals" is definitely something I've never heard before.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serran

Haha gotta love the media. It is very disappointing that they couldn't get this article right. But, I guess that wouldn't sell properly, huh? Anyone who has seen your youtube videos knows you don't state "I will never date" or "I will never have sex", you always leave it open to "possible, but not very likely".

As for the men sending comments, that is one reason I am not currently "out" as asexual to most people. I don't want to have my poor boyfriend harassed for "not doing it right" or "being too small to please" or whatever nonsense people would come up with for why a healthy woman doesn't like or particularly want sex.

Did you contact the writer of this article with the things that were incorrect? If so, what was their reply?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
swankivy

Did you contact the writer of this article with the things that were incorrect? If so, what was their reply?

No, I didn't bother. They never retract or change things after the fact. And it's Daily Mail. They practically make a career out of misleading stuff. Damage done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acing-it too

And this is what is wrong with (some/a lot of) the press and why I would never have done the interview with the Mirror a while ago. Disgusting but oh so familiar to me. Anything that draws attention to 'the brand' and sells. Do you regret agreeing to the interview? I suppose all you can do is laugh really... :(

As for those men contacting you... the least said the better I think. I hope you're ok after this experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
swankivy

I didn't agree to an interview at all. They took the information from other articles and my videos, and in some cases distorted them.

The only communication I had with them was that they e-mailed me and asked whether I'd ever had sex and what I hope to accomplish through asexuality awareness.

It doesn't bother me much at all. It isn't the first time, and it's incompetence, not maliciousness, that motivated it. Though it is a little annoying that I'm an author and my name might be googled and now after my author Facebook and professional website, headlines about THIRTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WILL NOT HAVE SEX EVER are now the highest results for my name.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acing-it too

I didn't agree to an interview at all. They took the information from other articles and my videos, and in some cases distorted them.

The only communication I had with them was that they e-mailed me and asked whether I'd ever had sex and what I hope to accomplish through asexuality awareness.

It doesn't bother me much at all. It isn't the first time, and it's incompetence, not maliciousness, that motivated it. Though it is a little annoying that I'm an author and my name might be googled and now after my author Facebook and professional website, headlines about THIRTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WILL NOT HAVE SEX EVER are now the highest results for my name.

I hope you don't mind me say I find the whole thing disgusting... some little (in more sense than one) journalist cobbling together a story of lies and exagerrations and doing this to you. I hope it doesn't affect you as an author...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...