Roommates

[Timothy P.]

I have this roommate, and he knows that I'm asexual and everything, but they fact that him and his girlfriend have sex constantly is starting to get on my nerves. I don't understand why really, I know they like it, but the fact they do it so much disturbs me. Any one else have this problem?

[Kazoo]

Are they doing it in your room? Do you need to change your routine so as to avoid them? Do they talk about it in front of you? If so, although I've never been in that situation, I imagine I'd feel disturbed somewhat (especially for the last two.)

[-/-]

For me, I would try to talk to them and figure out a way for them to only "do it" when you are not around - that way everyone is happy.

[Timothy P.]

They do it like every day, in his room, with the door closed, but he comes out smiling and everything creepy, and he has told me that they were having sex, many times as well. I'm always home, when they get out of classes, and they most of the time go into his room and close the door, and so they aren't trying to hide it. I would talk to him about it, but that's really weird doing so Idk how well it would go.

[WhenSummersGone]

Is there a chance you could move out or do you kind of have to stay there?

[Guest]

They're entitled to do what they want... and sex is a pretty common activity, so yeah. All you can ask them is to be less noisy. Or, as Summers said, move out (if that's an option).

[Mezzo Forte]

Since they're doing it in a separate room, then it isn't quite as problematic compared to if you're in the same room. I feel like any attempts to ask them to flat out stop having sex as frequently might come off as unreasonable to your roommate. You might be able to ask them to have sex at the girlfriend's place depending on the circumstance, but otherwise, I guess the best ways to work around it are to either ask them to be quieter or put on headphones and try to ignore it.

I fortunately haven't had this issue since the only roommates I've had so far (not counting my sister) never had any romantic/sexual relationships while I was living with them. However, a girl I didn't know once tried to troll me out of my housing (I'm assuming she wanted my space in the dorm to open up so someone else could take it) by telling me how awful one of the other girls was, claiming that she would have loud sex all the time, even in the common area (which makes no sense if you actually see the common area of the dorm I was trying to get). I think that was just exaggerated, though I did eventually find a different room with very different roommate issues. (Seriously, be happy you don't have to share a room, I finally moved off-campus and have my own space, and I have no idea how I managed before.)

[nowhere_man]

You can ask him to not tell you about it, that's perfectly reasonable, but as long as he's paying to live there like you are, you can't expect him to not do it.
If they're really loud on a fairly consistent basis, you could ask him to keep it down. I think that would be fair.

[Mona Lisa]

My solution to my sex-crazed roommate problem was to put headphones on when it got loud, to ask her and her boy-toy not to parade around in their underthings in the common areas (which they did A LOT) and most importantly, I told her that I didn't want to know about it. It was annoying, but not intolerable, so unless your roommate is a jerk, you're not being unreasonable to ask him/her to keep it on the down-low.

[Kagon]

Biggest thing you can do is ask them not to tell you. There may be other things they might do in the room with the door closed (private discussion, non-sexual intimate time such as cuddling, etc). Pretend that the time they're in the room is involved with something like that if they're not so loud that it's unavoidable. If it is...I'd recommend headphones. For the rest...you really should talk to your roommate. I agree with Mona Lisa above...you have every right to ask them to keep it to themselves and not broadcast their bedroom activities. They should also be respectful of you and do what they can to keep your comfort in mind so long as the request is reasonable, and that includes not giving you a play-by-play of how often he's "getting it."

However - he *does* have every right do to what he wants to in that room, given its a separate room with a closed door. He also has every right to do so as often as he would like. *That* isn't really something you have any right to make requests about, in and of itself. *Only* that he be respectful to you while doing so. If simply knowing that they're in there behind a closed door and speculating on what they might be up to may be a problem for you (after the roommate's comments have stopped), at that point I'd recommend finding another activity elsewhere to occupy your time for a bit to put it out of mind (take a walk, go to the library to study, grab a bite to eat with friends, etc). If it continues to be an issue, you could look possibly look into finding another roommate....but I suspect you may find this to be a fairly common issue.

Best of luck though, and . I remember in college I had the misfortune of actually walking in *ON* my roommate once ...so I understand how awkward things can be.