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I'm not asexual, but I do have an interest in sexuality, and am loosely pursuing sexuality in my university education.

I've always been aware that there are asexual people out there, but only recently I have seen two sources - a local talk show and Dan Savage's sex advice column - refer to asexuality. I sense a growing community, and curiosity leads me here.

To start, I just want to make it clear that I am not aware of your norms and taboos here. I don't know if there are any topics that are strictly 'off-limits', and if I cross a boundary, or make an incorrect assumption, please understand that I did it out of lamebrained-ness, and not maliciousness.

  • A) This is the foremost question in my mind. As an asexual, I gather you have zero interest in sex. Does this lack of interest extend to personal intimacy? Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?)

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

Thanks for your time. Please don't treat this like a clinical survey -> I'm totally uneducated in this field, and any information you guys can link me to, is much appreciated, as are any discussions you want to open.

I do find this very interesting -> it would be something fresh to write a paper on, but I want to get a mental grasp of the basic groundwork before I try to do anything resembling an academic approach to the subject.

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LostPenguin

There are several articles on the main sight (asexuality.org) that'll probably be helpful... I'm afraid due to the redesign, I can't tell you where to start (I must explore!) but I can answer these questions on a personal basis...

* A) Unlike some Asexuals, yes, I have an interest in this type of intimacy with the right person. I like physical closeness, I like the warmth, the affection that's expressed through it. Almost all forms of romance/relationship-related are OK with me as long as they don't get anywhere near sex.

* B) Er... Well, I can't begin to answer on this. Having many gay, bi, and straight friends, they all have their similarities and their eccentricities. I'm myself.. none of the above, bits and pieces of all three.

* C) Once again, some people don't want more than friends in any sense. Personally, I consider myself bi-asexual. If it were a person who provided the right mental, emotional and spiritual connection, their gender wouldn't matter to me in the least. The physical appearance can come into play. I have in the past been disinterested in people due to their appearances, though I hate to admit it. However, I'm also not the type of person to like someone just because they're attractive- I hardly even notice that they ARE attractive unless they get to me on the mental/emotional level first. It's sort of secondary.

* D) I'm currently in a relationship with a non-asexual. Beforehand, I didn't pursue relationships in either venue- I went with a relationship that would matter to me on the afore-mentioned emotional/mental level, and hoped for the best if the person wasn't asexual.

* E) Probably depends on the person. Oddly enough, I consider myself fairly dominant and aggressive in a relationship, despite the fact that I'm currently in a straight relationship and I'm the female. I do not and will not participate in such things, but it's quite possible to have BDSM-style dominance as well without sex- I've known many types of people who are simply into bondage and the like but do NOT want to have sex to have anything to do with that, and if they go into something like that, the other person must consent with their wishes. I can't say whether it's a 'yuck, sex' thing for me because my feelings on the entire thing are rather odd. I'd rather not go into detail on this.

* F) We are not amoebas, despite our playful use of the word. Asexuality is possible, we are not simply abstaining, and for the love of pancakes, don't (I'm not referring directly to you, baphomet, but rather everyone in general) make coy jokes about us being the 'opposite' of sex-drenched areas, activities or people. I find it offensive and entirely unamusing.

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There is quite a bit of diversity on this site so keep in mind that my answers reflect only my own personal feelings on these subjects.

A) I like being affectionate with other people as long as the clothes stay on.

B) My personality tends to be somewhat androgynous yet not very emotional.

C) I'm not certain I want to be in a committed relationship but, as far as close friendships are concerned, gender is not really relevant. Nor is appearance.

D) If I were to get into a committed relationship I would definitely prefer an asexual because I don't find genitalia very appealing, visually.

E) I'm rather clueless about BDSM.

F) The idea that asexuals are people who "can't get any" is one that bothers me. Someone on another site assumed that I was fat and had hair like a wookie, which is ludicrous because I am slightly underweight and my hair is less than half an inch long. I am also quite vain about my appearance.

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Excuse me while I answer your questions in a different order...

C) Now, you guys are clearly human...

Most of the things that we think are "clearly human" are actually cultural. I've only been to a few other countries but it made me realise that so many things including the way that I think are dictated by my culture. To pick a relevent example, you probably already know that Eskimos don't kiss - they only rub noses. If it weren't for outside influences, it would never occur to an Eskimo pair to press lips together.

To answer your question for myself, I don't understand what could be more than friends. I can't imagine how there could be more.

F) Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up?

1) "You'll grow out of it." You wouldn't say this to a gay person.

2) "Some day you'll meet the right person." This is a common one from mothers who were expecting grandchildren. The conversation-killer response is to say: "Mum, someday you'll meet the right lady too."

3) "You must be inexperienced and naieve." No. Just not interested. We have lots of other worldly and personal experiences.

A)Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?)

Some do, some don't. This may have been a subject of a poll in the Census forum, possibly mixed in with another question. I think it was running about 50-50.

B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies?

I couldn't pick a "mindset." I'm just normal, without the sex part. There is certainly an identification with homosexuals in regard to society's disbelief and revulsion.

D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

It is very difficult for most asexuals to pursue or maintain relationships if they feel that they are broken or defective. We see lots of new people in the Welcome Area who have tried sexual relationships but the sex dries up very quickly because they were just going through the motions without realising that their "sex drive" was imposed externally (culturally.)

E) I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in.

Many asexuals are loners. They don't have any desire to dominate or control. I don't think we have any company presidents here.

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Opel the Old

good, it is good to have people who likes to learn, we will certainly teach you as much as you want to learn as long as you keep an openmind (there are some troublemakers here once in a while)

A) I have a girlfriend, she and I are very close, we have sex, (she knows i am asexual, since i compromised, she is just complaining about the infrequent of sex that we have)

B) i am a-lesbian, i first identify myself as lesbian, then, i never really interested in the sex part, at all

C) i have good friends, my gf, etc. i take friends for what they have in mind, not what they have on the body, if that answers your question

D) well, i would prefer my gf to be asexual or hyposexual, but she is not, she is medium sexual. i think love is from the heart, and since my gf and i did not discuss about sex before (go figure) we started the relationship, so, i really think that love matters is from the heart (yes, i live in present-time)

E) i never got why sex is so important, i dont call it "yuck" but i would rather say "nah"

F) i am not sure, i experience more prejudgice on being a lesbian more, and my gf does not understand why i dont like sex (so she is bitching about it)

well, just an advice, when you think of sexuality, and think about the bell curve, you will find that everything fits in, and if you understand this, you will understand a lot about sexuality

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Okie. As stated by others, this is just my personal experiences with this. The remarkable thing about this community is the diversity of the participants in regards to their comfort zones and whatnot. And as a bit of a tangent, thanks for being chill and wanting to learn. That is always a good thing.

A) I adore physical intimacy. I get whiney and sad if my hug quota is not filled. But as soon as nudity/fluids are involved, I am so disinterested/squicked. But man. Cuddling is the best (to me). Of course, there are others here who're all, "Booo, hisssss" in regards to that junk, but I like to think that, despite what some may write here, a certain amount of human contact is wanted (otherwise they'd never post here and they'd live off in a cave that does not have internet).

B) This bit is difficult. I associate with heterosexuals most, 'cause that's pretty much what I am. I'm one of the people who prefer the opposite gender, I think that they're lovely and pretty and I like to stare at them and have cuddling fantasies. I'm weird. It's just what I do. But as I was growing up, I thought that that's as far as any of my other friends were thinking in terms of relationships, so I was more closely associated with them, as sex never came in to the conversation so I didn't know I was really that different. So, basically I associate with my fellow heteros more, 'cause that's how I've always thought. I really am a heterosexual minus the sex bit, but I think I may be a minority here.

C) Well, I'm shallow. I think that I could make a connection with just about anyone, but for me it's easier if they're a boy, and if they're pretty (erm, to me, 'cause my tastes in the gentlemen tend to be eccentric). For me, gender plays a big role because it defines accepted boundaries to me. Like, I'd cuddle with a boy. But even with my best friend, who's a girl, we aren't physical to the extent that I can see myself being with a boy.

D) Umm...I just hang out, yo. We're supposed to be 1.3% of the population, but we're stealthy by nature, so it's difficult to seek out others. And the ones who are "out," so to speak, are spread out world wide. Sure, there are a couple of people within 20 miles of me, but there's also the "crap I'm shy" element that also adds to the scenario. I think that most of us here are more of the "well if it happens, it happens" mindset than the seemingly oh-so-frequent sexual attitude of "must be in relationship."

E) I think that the whole fetish thing found here probably exists in the same amount as in the sexual population. We just tend to be more open about our tabooness and whatnot, so that may be why there appear to be a large number of fetishists here.

F) I hate the "sex is a need like eating or breathing" argument. Asexuality and homosexuality have been observed in animals, and we're really not that genetically different from animals (when you compare us to say, bacteria). So why do people get all bajiggity (erm...uppity? I dunno. I really like that word) about asexuality in humans when it's already been documented in animals? All we are is monkeys with cooler tools. Sheesh. I also hate the "you've been abused" thing too. Sure, I don't doubt that there are people who lack a sex drive due to sexual abuse. But I don't like how they assume that because asexuality can be caused by abuse (so can hypersexuality, by the way, but you don't see anyone freaking out over that even when it can cause really serious problems like STIs, AIDs, and unwanted pregnancies, which is total bullshit in my opinion), that everyone who identifies as asexual has been abused. I hate it when people assume that we're asexual because we can't "get any." Sure, I'm no supermodel over here, but I've turned down offers. I'm a girl, I could get some if I wanted to. That's just how it works. But I'm not interested in it, and it pisses me off when people make ridiculous assumptions. [/rant]

Anyways. Thanks for being articulate and polite. I hope that I've helped increase your knowledge about our little corner of the sexual spectrum.

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Thanks for your interest. It's always good to see someone who is accepting and takes an interest.

As others have said, I can only really answer your questions on a personal level. However, you might find it interesting to take a look at the census forum to see what the trends are; there are a few polls up there which have a bearing on some of the questions you've asked.

Before I start answering your questions, I should probably say that I'm not really particularly representative of the "norm" (as far as there is one) here, since I don't define myself as "completely" asexual, but rather as hyposexual, i.e. having a very low sex drive.

OK, my answers:

A) I am a very tactile person. I often get very "huggy" and hug anyone who's around who I happen to be friends with. I do want a relationship (in the sense that it would be nice if it happened, rather than actively seeking one out) and I would need a partner who could be physically very intimate. I couldn't have a boyfriend I couldn't cuddle.

B) There are a lot of asexuals here who identify themselves as "gay-a" or "straight-a" or "bi-a", but by the same token there are a lot who simply identify themselves as "asexual". I don't think the asexual community as a whole identifies in terms of mindset with any particular other orientation. For myself, I am a gay man and identify with that sector of the population, and I share some traits with the male gay community, and don't share others. I am myself.

C) See answer to B. What asexuals look for in partners depends on the asexual in question. For me, I am far more likely to find what I need in a male, and yes, physical appearance does play some part. For others, physical appearance and gender don't come into question. It is quite possible to find someone "pretty" or "aesthetically pleasing" without there being any sexual attraction at all. The spectrum of what comes into question for asexuals is at least as wide as the sexuality spectrum.

D) I don't seek relationships with other a- or hyposexuals because the chances that I will find one are quite low. I haven't yet been in a proper relationship, but I am aware that if I do get into one there will be need for compromise.

E) I'm not sure I can really identify with that question.

F) The best advice I can give is to accept that asexuality exists and that it is a viable orientation. There is nothing more frustrating, patronising or insulting than the suggestion that "we will find the right person and it will all change", or that there is something wrong with us. Just accept the way we define ourselves.

Thanks again for your interest and politeness. I hope we've been helpful. Would you care for some :cake: ?

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    I've neber been a relationshipbut don't have a prticular desire to snuggle with someone. I think I could mamage holding hands...but I'm not sure I'm keen on non-familial persoanl conract.

    [*]B) In terms of mindset' date=' do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

    If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".[/quote']

    I see myself as hetero-asexual but I'm not sure at the moemnt. I'm going though a phase of am I? So I'm questioning that right now.

    [*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

    Agian quesitoning that right now. I think I would just want someone who undertands me...I'm actually happy being on my own nad really don't hink I'd be good ina relationship.

    [*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

    Don't seek relationships at all. If it happens, it happens.

    [*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

    I have a curiousity about sex but don't want to do it. Dunno about the line between sexual and not....

    F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

      Yes the old...are you aure? Just haven't the right person, so you're an ameaoba.

      Basically people are ignorant of it right now.

      Hopwfully htst wil change.

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Well it’s really nice to see someone genuinely interested and polite about this, I’ve not been here long but I can see we get our fair share of idiots. So here’s my personal opinions.

A) I don’t feel the need to seek out intimacy any more than sex, I haven’t snuggled with anyone in more than a year and I don’t miss it or think about it. On the other hand I’m more than happy to hug anyone (as long as there are no sexual overtones) and I’ll happily enjoy it. It’s something that I’ll do because I enjoy giving happiness to others and I know they’ll enjoy it.

B) Mentally I’m quite feminine minded (I’m a guy by the way). I’d say I identify with being heterosexual though because I only find females attractive and would only consider a relationship with one. I’m still open minded and considering this though, I’ve not known about asexuality long enough to form a firm view.

Now, you guys are clearly human,

Yay, someone realizes that!! *looks round. Coughs*

C) I’ve got some very close friends and that’s all I want from other people. I’d make friends with anyone who I clicked with mentally no matter who they were. If you were to ask me I could mentally tell you who is attractive and who isn’t, but I don’t go around looking and thinking about it every time I see someone.

D) As qwerty says above to answer this question I’m one of those who had sexual relationships, but they dried up because I was just going through the motions. If I met the right person, either a sexual who could stand how I was, or an asexual, I’d consider a relationship. Otherwise I’m just not interested.

E) A bit clueless and disinterested in BDSM. Though if you’re talking about fetishes that don’t involve sexual contact I think there are some people here who will say yes. Personally I’ll still say no, but out of disinterest rather than thinking ‘oh yuck’.

F) I can’t really add anything more than what’s already been said. The attitude of ‘everyone is interested in sex, you’ll come around to our way of thinking sooner or later’ followed by reasons why you will gets tiring very quickly. The prejudices that get thrown around are ‘you must be ugly’ ‘you’re immature’ and ‘you’ve clearly got a mental problem. Go see a psychiatrist’.

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Since there is quite a bit of diversity within the asexual community, expect many different answers from different people. Here is my set:

A) Asexuality is not so much about zero interest in sex as it is lack of sexual attraction. There are some, such as myself, who find sex/sexuality quite interesting from a scientific-like standpoint. There are others who engage in sex so as to please a partner. As for physical intimacy, once again there are some who do enjoy it, and others, like myself, who do not. I personally do not enjoy much beyond handshakes and high-fives, though I will give a hug if the other person starts the action.

B) I really have not paid attention the the common trends of different sexualities, so I really cannot answer this question.

C) I have friends, yes, but I personally feel no need to have "more than friends." I have only felt attracted to another in such a way once, and I could live happily without ever feeling it again. Not that I am opposed, if it were to happen again, I would not fight it. Still, there are many asexuals who do feel romantic attraction to others. You may see people refer to themselves as hetero/homo/bi-asexual here. I tend to view the prefix as shortening the term __romantic. I seem to have totally veered away from the origional question. As an aromantic asexual, I cannot answer the latter part of your question, as it really does not apply to me.

D) Once again, as an aromantic, this really does not apply to me, though there are other asexuas here who seek relationships. While it seems many would prefer relationships with other asexuals, there are quite a few who are involved in relationships with sexuals. As a third party looking in, I feel I cannot say much about said relationships beyond the fact that they exist.

E) Yet again, this really doesn't apply to me. I know there are a few members here who are interested in the dominance/submission thing, but as I am not one of them, I cannot say much. I do note though, that you mention "the 'yuck, sex' things." I would like to point out that while some asexuals are repulsed by sex, others, such as myself, are not. I personally feel rather indifferent towards it.

F) Indeed there are prejudices towards us, most of which seem to have been mentioned already, but I shall reiterate a few of the more common ones:

Asexuals will grow out of it

Asexuals just say that because they can't get any / have confidence problems / have self image problems

Asexuals are cold, heartless people

Asexuals are all loners

Since they don't want sex, asexuals clearly have emotional issues

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Thanks for the responses.

In my opinion, just at a glance, I think there should be a lot more interest on the subject.

Firstly, of course, because a lack of education on a subject (such as asexuality), leads to prejudices, misinformation and bad social trends. Look at the ugly spread of AIDs misinformation in the slander campaign against homosexuals. "Only gay people get aids, so I can go and have unprotected sex."

I'm sure other negative trends could/have emerged from the lack of information on asexuality... not least of which are the miserable adolescents/young adults who keep wondering why they aren't interested, I'm sure.

Secondly, and I don't mean to refer to you guys as guinea pigs, but in terms of science and finding the reasons we act the way we do, you guys are a very solid control group.

Take my first question, for example. If a strong majority of people with little or no sex drive (or little/no sexuality) also have little or no interest in non-sexual intimacy, that suggests that there may be a very sexual root to a sexual person's desire for intimacy.

And if people start using asexuals as a reference, they'll likely feel inclined to research and provide clearer information on the matter, in turn.

About the Dominance/Submission question, I realize it seems out of place, but as Lost Penguin stated, it's very possible to have a D/s relationship without sex. D/s relationships involve shifting the balance of power, so that one person in the relationship is 'the boss'; sometimes for just a short while, and at times, it's a 24/7 thing, depending on the personalities involved. It's essentially a human interaction taken to an extreme, often linked with sex in some form... I was simply curious whether those with no sex drive still bore an interest in power-play.

Qwerty wrote:

Most of the things that we think are "clearly human" are actually cultural.

That's true. Your responses, as a group, made me think twice about what I'd assumed was a natural part of the psyche.

(Qwerty again) This may have been a subject of a poll in the Census forum

I'll be sure to check it out.

Opel wrote:

well, just an advice, when you think of sexuality, and think about the bell curve, you will find that everything fits in, and if you understand this, you will understand a lot about sexuality

I totally understand that sexuality, and desire for sex, is a fluid thing, much like the bell curve. My interest in asexuality works more along the lines of: Sex is a concrete (if culturally crafted, like Qwerty said) thing in our society, and it's tied to many other things, like an intersection in a spider's web. When you take sex out of the equation, how are other things in that web affected?

AmoebicMe stated:

I hate the "sex is a need like eating or breathing" argument.

As a put-down for asexuals? Definitely hateable.

As an allegory for those with mid-high sex drives? I think it's true. It's well documented that repression of existing sex drives leads to ugly results - for a more general explanation, just look at the 'celibate' catholic church, and how the priests vent their sexual desires. Lifers in a penitentiary?

It isn't an all-encompassing situation -> not everyone who goes without sex becomes a sexual delinquent, but those with high sex drives and the inability to vent such things do go off the deep end, and the rest of us can also end up pretty miserable.

Dargon stated:

I would like to point out that while some asexuals are repulsed by sex, others, such as myself, are not. I personally feel rather indifferent towards it.

Duly noted. I just happened to catch that trend as I checked out various parts of your message board.

------

I do have to say, as I stated earlier, above, I'm suprised that many don't seek out romantic partners. Maslow's heirarchy of human needs needs fixing.

I also have to say I'm surpised by the sheer diversity of answers. (as well as the information provided -> thank you guys for being clear and informative). Definitely a lot to ponder.

I'll check out the census, and check into this thead to reply over the next while, and to see any additional responses. Thanks again.

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* A) Nope. I jump when people even tap me on the shoulder to get my attention. I do realize that this is an extreme, and definitely doesn't reflect the entire asexual population.

* B) I identify as being "asexual" because that way I can convey that I never get horny. Plus I don't prefer one gender, infact anything with either gender to me is repulsive.

* C) I do connect with people on an emotional leve.

* D) I tried the standard relationship, and it was too hard. I was always paranoid about if he was going to make a move, etc.

* E) For me it's just "yuck, sex."

* F) "You'll grow out of it." "You just haven't gotten over being raped yet." "What are you, an amoeba?" "You haven't had enough experience." "You haven't found the right person." Or simply, "How can you not be sexual?"

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Eta Carinae

First of all, I've found your questions to be very respectful and thoughtful.

Yes. I really enjoy physical contact with people I'm close to. (I'm a little weirded out by physical contact with mere acquaintances during the course of casual conversation' date=' but a lot of sexual people are, too.)

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

Well, I'm not involved in gay culture, and have no desire to be, so I guess that rules out being "homosexual, without the sexual part." I suppose you could call me straight without the sexual part, insofar as "mainstream = heterosexual," but it's not as if I've ever gotten a crush on a man I've known in person, and men often physically ick me out, and I think that a lot of the gender expectations and whatnot in hetero relationships are, at best, silly.

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

As I've never gotten a crush on anyone I've known in person, or known well, I can't answer this.

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

I don't seek or pursue anything. While a romantic relationship would be nice, I'm not actively searching for one (and I sincerely doubt I'll get one within the next few years, at the very least, and I may very well never get one). If I found someone I was interested in, it wouldn't initially matter to me whether or not they were sexual, though of course if they are sexual, an inability to reach a compromise might destroy the relationship.

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

There's been one poster who's a Domme, and I've heard of (a few) sexual people for whom BDSM is not sexual -- it meets some sort of emotional need of theirs, but they're not getting off on it. So I'd assume it varies between asexuals: some may find it emotionally fulfilling and nonsexual, others may just class it as sex and not be interested. I have to confess to being a little intrigued by the idea of subbing, but I don't know if that's a natural inclination or an unhealthy reaction to some issues I have. (Which is not to say that subbing is unhealthy or anything like that, just that my own particular reasons for being interested in it might be.)

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

1. The idea that "asexual" means "no interest in sex whatsoever" or "no sex drive." It's an orientation: I have a sex drive just like a straight or gay woman would, but there's just no one out there I'm sexually attracted to. And I am interested in sex, but it's an academic and emotional (and, I have to admit, not entirely healthy) interest, not a prurient one.

2. The idea -- and this is, admittedly, more about sexual orientation in general -- that sexual desire is fluid in everyone, and if you're not bisexual, it's because you've just chosen to ignore that side of yourself. I react to this more strongly than I ought to, granted. I'm not happy being asexual. It's caused me a tremendous amount of pain in the past, and it really sticks in my craw when people insinuate that I could change myself if I just tried harder or were more open-minded.

3. Related to the above, the idea that asexuality is acquired or a choice, because I got raped or had a bad experience with men or whatever. It's not. I've never been sexually abused, or had any "and now I'm going to swear off men!" moments.

4. The idea that people who say they're asexual are just doing it for attention. If people want to not believe me, that's one thing, but insisting that I'm a lying attention whore is another.

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TeddyMiller

A) I find hugging and other physical contact uncomfortable, and don't have a desire for it. Although I don't feel that discomfort when it's a pet or small child rather than another adult, perhaps because those situations are more asexual.

B) I do masturbate, and find pictures of women but not men appealing for that purpose (without any desire for any actual contact with the women in those pictures), so in that sense I consider myself more heterosexual. But in terms of personality and mindset, I couldn't say I'm more heterosexual or homosexual or more male or female.

C) I'm not interested in a committed relationship with anyone, just friendship/companionship without too strong an emotional connection. Gender does make a difference to me for the companionship I am looking for; I have been specifically looking to meet women. I guess there is a different feel for me with women than with other men, more friendly and less competitive or whatever, e.g. my friends at work tend to be female.

D) Another asexual would be convenient, but what I've been doing with dating services is specifying immediately that I don't want a sexual relationship, and getting responses from women who accept that.

E) Power/control scenarios can be arousing to me as fantasy, for masturbation, but the idea of having such a scenario in reality is unappealing to me the same as any sexual situation.

F) Nothing I've encountered, but I haven't been specifically aware of asexuality for very long.

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As an asexual, I gather you have zero interest in sex. Does this lack of interest extend to personal intimacy? Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?)

I DO have a desire to snuggle and be close but it's something I curtail because of the mixed messages it sends.

In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends.

I think I understand what you're asking and I'm going to bisect this question. I do identify with homosexuals and I think it's because there was a time that people didn't believe there WERE GLBTs and that's the point I feel we're at right now. Then there's the matter of the people figuring I've 'chosen' to be this way and that I can/want to be "cured" so, yeah. I identify.

If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

If it's going to be filed down finer than just "asexual" then I'd say I'm a lesbian without the sexual part.

Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

For me...you'll laugh but primarily it's smell. If a person stinks (BO or hyper-perfumed) it's a big turn off. I think physical appearance matters in the matter of hygiene. So while I have aesthetic preferences, if I find someone for a committed relationship, hygiene would play into it more than looks.

Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself

yes

or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

no.

I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

I don't know if I'm qualified to answer this.

I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

The growth of research and visibility is good, I stopped listening to what textbooks and experts say awhile back because a lot of it either sets out to come up with a cure, come up with a 'reason' I'm asexual or disprove that I exist. So mostly to me what's important is to be accepted and realise how very little it should matter to others. I'm not talking about people asking questions, especially as respectfully as you have been but beyond that, I'm happy with the skin I'm in and mostly I want people to know I'm asexual so they'll stop trying to fix me up with people, get me laid, get me a husband or expect me to understand the agony they're going through because they're horny.

Thanks for your time. Please don't treat this like a clinical survey -> I'm totally uneducated in this field, and any information you guys can link me to, is much appreciated, as are any discussions you want to open.

I do find this very interesting -> it would be something fresh to write a paper on, but I want to get a mental grasp of the basic groundwork before I try to do anything resembling an academic approach to the subject.

You're welcome, thanks for your respect

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To start, I just want to make it clear that I am not aware of your norms and taboos here. I don't know if there are any topics that are strictly 'off-limits', and if I cross a boundary, or make an incorrect assumption, please understand that I did it out of lamebrained-ness, and not maliciousness.

The only thing that guarantees offence is coming here and saying "UR STOOPID, U CANT NOT HAVE SEX. HA HA LOSERS". Which you're certainly not doing.

A) There are degrees of that with everyone. You may have noticed words like 'aromantic' or 'heteroromantic' being thrown around - we measure that on a similar scale as sexuality. Some of us really like cuddling and being intimate, and even kissing; others would rather not touch other people with a ten-foot pole. It's all a matter of individual preference.

B) I don't quite get all of what you're saying, but from what I understand that's pretty linked with the above. We can have non-sexual attraction to one gender, or lots, or none at all. The only real constant is the lack of interest in sex.

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

C) I, personally, consider gender and appearance to be highly irrelevant factors in generally anything. It's true that I tend to make friends more with men than with women, but that's simply because most women my age make poor social companions; and I certainly enjoy looking at pretty people, but if the person is intelligent/interesting/otherwise pleasant I'll tend to view them as more attractive (one of my favorite media presences, for example, is an exceptionally ugly individual, but I still find him to be very attractive because I admire his music and public presence).

D) I follow the philosophy that looking for relationships is generally useless; if you're going to find someone, you'll find them in the normal course of your life. I wouldn't enter into anything where I was expected to act in a sexual way; I was in a relationship when I found out I was asexual, and I quickly broke it off with an explanation and a promise that I still cared about zir. It's fairest for both of us if I don't have to make pretend to keep them happy.

E) Mm, I have very little experience with that. Not much interest, either. Again, it just depends on personal preference.

(I did used to do the 'slave for a day' thing with my sister, but that mainly entailed making each other do silly things for our shared amusement. And we would tie each other to the roof supports with skipping rope to play Harry Houdini, but... things kids do when they're seven don't really have much bearing on anything. Will stop rambling now.)

F) There's a lot of ignorant people and viewpoints out there. Asexuality isn't a choice, it's not a mental disorder, we weren't all raped or molested as children, it's not against anything in religion that I've ever heard about, we aren't just losers who can't get a date (and we especially aren't unattractive - we have a photo thread we joke about directing our trolls to). And also, asexuality isn't the One And Only facet of our personality. I haven't come across this yet, but I always have this fear that someday I'll tell someone I'm asexual and that will become the definition of me. I'm a person, I have a lot of different, varied, and interesting qualities. Asexuality just happens to be one of them.

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A) This is the foremost question in my mind. As an asexual' date=' I gather you have zero interest in sex. Does this lack of interest extend to personal intimacy? Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?) [/quote']

Sometimes I enjoy snuggling with people for a short while, but unless the temperature is very cold or I'm tired to the point of exhaustion I tend to get fidgety after only a few minutes. I'm more comfortable with brief, casual contact like hugs or handshakes, etc.

B) In terms of mindset' date=' do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different". [/quote']

I'm not sure how to answer this. I can identify with all sorts of people if I consider them on a case by case basis. I tend to be somewhat uneasy around people who are extremely polarized in their gender identities, whether they be extremely masculine or feminine, so a fairly large percentage of my friends are gay or bi. I certainly don't seek out friends based on their sexual orientation, though. Common interests are far more important.

C) Now' date=' you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?[/quote']

Well, I am married, so I am not looking for a committed relationship in the usual sense. For friends, I seek people with common interests and a compatible worldview. Physical appearance or gender are unimportant.

D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself' date=' or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?[/quote']

I'm not looking for intimate relationships.

E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission' date=' and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?[/quote']

I don't know enough about this topic to comment, although there are some on the forum who are interested in it in a non-sexual manner.

F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads' date=' inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?[list']

I think all of the ones that bother me have already been mentioned.

Thanks for your time.

You are very welcome.

-Greybird

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a) i snuggle alot...to people im comfortable with. its not that i have zero interest in sex...but i just dont see myself being invovled, as a first person, in sexual intimacy. seeing/hearing is ok to me and doesnt repulse me...as long as im not in the act.

B) i have distinct personality i believe. and i also think it is impossible for anyone to guess which sexuality i lean towards to if i keep my mouth shut. im a bi-asexual. :P if that makes any sense even!

c) of cos i wanna have friends. lol. i have plenty...and some pretty close. although im not biased about gender of friends i tend to have more female friends. and no i dont want any committed relationships. they stay as good friends is the best arrangment for me.

d) i dont pursue relationships that requires too much giving in..but in general....give-and-take even in casual friendships.

e) i dont yuck at sex. i just dont wanna do it.

f) nothing new to add i guess.

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,

  • A) This is the foremost question in my mind. As an asexual, I gather you have zero interest in sex. Does this lack of interest extend to personal intimacy? Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?)

Although I do not experience sexual attraction for other people, I do experience aesthetic attraction and emotional allure and enjoy close nonsexual contact, hugging etc.

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

Mostly identify as a distinct entity, yet feel more of an affinity with gay people as I am a homoaesthete asexual. I even socialised on the gay scene for a number of years and enjoy the company of gay people.

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

My romance drive operates mainly on appearance (sounds terribly shllow!) so a relationship of this type would pretty much have to be with another male homoaesthete asexual who found me similarly attractive.

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

Would have to be with another asexual, I've found out from experience that sexuals lose interest fast when there's no sex in the offing. I'm certainly not charismatic or attractive enough to sustain such a relationship without the ability to satisfy a sexual person's desires.

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

As to BDSM type fetishes then I believe there are asexuals that are into these. I have a fetish, or more correctly a paraphilia, which is the only way that I can become aroused/orgasm, however it is a purely solitary activity for me.

This is why I identify as asexual, as it renders me incapable of sex with another person.

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

Some common misconceptions that I'm aware of include a disbelief allied with "yet to meet the right person" ; that asexuality is a choice (in which case it would be celibacy); fridgidity; "fear" of sex and that asexuality is a disfunction that requires a cure.

I hope this is of some use for your research.

Feel free to pm me if you want to ask more questions.

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• A) For me it’s not a zero interest in sex per se, it’s just that I’m not sexually attracted to either gender. Petting, foreplay and even masturbation is enjoyable, both to give and receive, and the desire to be to be close to people in both a mental and physical sense, is far greater than the desire for intercourse. I don’t have the sexual chemistry that would lead to penetrative sex.

• B) I consider myself to be bi-asexual, so I identify with all genders. I don’t feel there was any social pressure involved.

• C) The connection for me is definitely a mental and emotional one, rather than physical appearance. Personality overrides appearance.

• D) Not seeking formal relationships as such, more like friendships that may grow and mature.

• E) Ok, this is one I can answer :)

There are many, many forms of bdsm interaction, some sexual, some not. It’s a very varied and at times complex combination of things that makes it difficult to explain just what the dynamics are, and why they work. As much as I would like to try to expand on some of these things, I don't feel this is right the place to do so.

What I will say though, is that I’ve been involved in a few bdsm partnerships, both formal (collared) and casual, as a submissive. In all of them, penetrative sex was not sought or even offered. Yes there sometimes were intimate activities, but the main interest of all concerned was the power and sensation play dynamic. It enabled me to better understand my inner self and I came to realize that despite not being interested in sexual liaisons myself, this was a community where people of all sexual persuasions were not only accepted, but welcomed with open arms. After years of feeling left out in the cold, I’d at last found a place I was happy to call home.

• F) None that have affected me.

Thank you for asking some interesting questions, and good luck with your research.

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Zero interest in sex - correct

In my case does this extent to personal intimacy' date=' no I like to

hug/snuggle/kiss but anything beyond that.. No.

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

I Identify as Straight/Asexual

[*]C) Now' date=' you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?[/quote']

In answer to this question.. see answer to question A & B

I think in the many cases physical appearance combined with mental or emotional connections would have some influence

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself' date=' or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?[/quote']

Having attempted a 'standard' relationship and come to the conclusion that everyone losed out. I myself would seek a relationship with another asexual.

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission' date=' and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?[/quote']

I'm sure there is an level of Dominance/submission, and power/control in any relationship. Employer / Employee , Mother / Child..... Etc Etc. I don't see them as the sole domain of Sex and Sexual Interests

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads' date=' inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?[list']

Thanks for your time.

Stolen with gratitude from Qwerty in answer to Question F

1) "You'll grow out of it." You wouldn't say this to a gay person.

2) "Some day you'll meet the right person." This is a common one from mothers who were expecting grandchildren. The conversation-killer response is to say: "Mum' date=' someday you'll meet the right lady too."

3) "You must be inexperienced and naieve." No. Just not interested. We have lots of other worldly and personal experiences. [/quote']

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Cate Perfect
[*]A) This is the foremost question in my mind. As an asexual, I gather you have zero interest in sex. Does this lack of interest extend to personal intimacy? Is there still a desire to be close to someone physically, even if it isn't sexual? (Snuggling?)

Sometimes I do want physical (non-sexual) intimacy, sometimes I don't.

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

I suppose I'm bi-asexual, as I can have intellectual intimacy & be emotionally close with either sex.

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

I tend to be drawn to people who don't fall into strict gender roles. Macho men and frilly, silly women turn me right off. I'm usually attracted to people who are kind, humorous, intelligent and soft-spoken.

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

I hadn't any interest in relationships with sexual people--it doesn't seem fair to either parties, to my mind. But after meeting the lovely asexuals here I've managed to find a lovely person to be with.

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

I think B&D and S&M can be entirely non-sexual. It's really about power and domination, isn't it? I know we have a few S&M enthusiasts on AVEN. I don't really have any interest that way outside of my head.

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

I suppose the idea that we're lonely, sad, losers, less than, broken, abused, just need some hormones, the 'right' person could fix us.

Thanks for your interest and open-mindedness! Here, have an AS3 stamp! *STAMP!* :D [We really need an emoticon for that]

Cate

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For me(and all answers are only for me-you're bound to get different answers from other asexuals-as long as you don't experience sexual attraction you can be all over the spectrum on other things)I'm not all that interested in physicality or relationships other than friendly ones.

I may' date=' with a really good friend be okay with friendly physical gestures.

[*]B) In terms of mindset, do you feel you identify with heterosexuals or homosexuals, in personality tendencies? While I'm not insinuating that all homosexual/heterosexual people act the same way, I do feel there are trends. If you do gravitate towards one such trend, do you think you do it because of social pressures, or is it more innate?

If you don't, do you feel you identify as a distinct entity? Rather than being "I'm heterosexual, without the sexual part", being simply "I'm asexual, something totally different".

Something totally different is probably closest. I'm not interested in romantic non-sexual relationships in either way really. I can't really identify with either.

If not identifying with gay culture, and not being 'gay-seeming'=Heterosexual then maybe I'm closer to that.

Though if slight identification with alienation of not being typical=Homosexual, then maybe a little closer to that.

For the most part gay and striaght people seem alot similar to each other than I am to either(in that regard)

[*]C) Now, you guys are clearly human, so I make the assumption that even if there is zero interest in sex, you feel a want to connect with other people, as friends, and for more than friends. For the latter - for finding people for committed relationships - can anyone provide the mental or emotional connection, or does gender play a strong role? Does their physical appearance come into play on any level?

Asexuals are split on whether they want more than friends on even a non-sexual level. I don't really feel compulsed to try that.

Perhaps that doesn't mean I couldn't try it anyway.

I have thought of the idea of a level of something less than romance but still more than friends...

[*]D) Do you seek relationships with other asexuals such as yourself, or pursue standard relationships with the knowledge of the give-and-take that will be required?

N/A

[*]E) I see a reference to no 'nonhuman' sexual interests in one poll. I'm curious as to how Dominance/submission, and power/control play fits in. In my opinion, it isn't entirely sexual, but I can't yet place it into the mental picture I'm putting together, here. Does it happen? Is there an honest interest, or is it just among the 'yuck, sex' things?

N/A

[*]F) I note what you refer to as a woeful lack of research on the subject of asexuality. This leads, inevitably, to prejudices and pre-judgements. Are there any noteworthy prejudices regarding asexuality you'd like to bring up, so I (and anyone I happen to talk to) can avoid them?

1~That asexuality has to do with sex drive.

Many asexuals do also lack a drive, but some don't. The drive they might have is not directed at anything and doesn't involve lust though.

2~This is slightly related to what's above: That masturbation inherently involves a lustful fantasy. Asexual who masturbate disprove that. Even when I engaged in that I never thought about sex or bodies or anything

3~That all males want sex/masturbate/have orgasms

4~Alot of what's already been mentioned.

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deladangerous

A) Seeing as how intimacy is not necessarily synonymous with sex, I'm all for it; I'm pretty sensual without being sexual.

B) I'll say I identify with ...bisexuals, "without the sexual part". I won't say that it's because of social pressures, although I suspect that my outer appearance (I am far from what's considered average height) might have something to do with it.

C) For me, the most important sex organ is the brain. Honestly, just about anyone with an exceptionally capable mind and conversation ability leaves me all floaty. In my eyes, a person's physical appearance is altered -they look better, or they look worse- according to my view of their mind.

D) I'm not necessarily seeking a relationship with an asexual, but if I come to find myself in a relationship with a sexual... Any demand for sexual activity on their part would result in a swift "nah-ah" from me.

E) "Dominance and submission" in its literal sense isn't necessarily a sexual thing, either; it can occur naturally between the minds of certain people. But to speak of BDSM.. no interest here.

F) What a nice thing to ask.

I've not yet spoken to anyone outside this board on the subject of asexuality, but some of my favorites that I've seen here have been

"Your kind is genetically doomed to die out!" and "You're just trying to save face because you're ugly!"

Oh, if only they knew.

Good luck in your research, Baphomet.

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A)Peronsally, there is no desire to be close to anyone.

B)I've never noticed any general tendencies between heterosexuals and homosexuals, except for the media portrayals and the extremely effiminate homosexuals who make no attempts to hide it. I do not feel like I identify with any type of orientation; I am something completely different.

C)No, there's no connection with people. There are people with whom I may be compatible, however, I would not say it is a connection.

D)There are no other asexuals whom I know, although there may have been this one female from my last year at school. However, she never stated it.

E)No interest in dominance or submission.

F)Everyone does not secretly desire others. With that being said, just because a person is not pursuing someone of the opposite sex, do not presume that he or she secretly desires members of the same sex.

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A) I definitely don't mind physical closeness. Want a hug?

B) I like being able to act sensitive and effeminate at times, which probably leads some people to believe I'm gay.

C) I've never been in a "committed relationship" as such, but I think any gender would work. And I believe that physical appearance--if not attraction--always comes into play, whether we're becoming close to someone or just buying a car from them.

D) I don't seek Relationships with a capital R, but I'll be friends with anyone!

E) I could definitely see this being used in an asexual relationship. I'm not sure it applies to me, though.

F) Just the idea that asexuality is a sexual problem.

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I'm new to this site, and am still questioning my asexuality, but I can provide some answers...

A) I do desire personal intimacy, just not in a sexual way. I love to cuddle and hug, and kiss (to some extent). I'd prefer if everyone kept their clothes though.

B) I think of myself as straight; I've never really considered the fact that I could be a lesbian or bi. Like I've had "crushes" in the past, and they were always on men. As for WHY I am "straight", I don't really know, I think in the same way that no one really knows what percentage of sexual desire is innate or learned for anyone. It is easy for me as a heterosexual to say that it was socialized in me because it is the dominant tendency in our society and it's all around us constantly, but really, who knows?

C) Gender plays some role. I love my female friends, but there is always a special feeling I get when a nice guy seems interested. See above, I am not sure if this is socialized in me or not. My relationships with my female friends don't really go beyond friendship. Physical attractiveness plays a role, I admit. I know it's the nice thing to say it doesn't matter, but it does, although people tell me I'm less fussy than other people. Personal hygiene is crucial, as is a neat appearance - I hate when I've been on a few dates and he stops making an effort. Also, I find myself attracted romantically only to men who are around my age - with men who are much older, I will only pursue a friendship.

D) I've pursued standard relationships in the past, with unsatisfactory results. Hence why I'm here. I was not aware until a day ago that this community existed. So maybe in the future I will try a relationship with another asexual. In the past my relationships have consisted of either them trying to pressure me into unwanted activities, or me protecting myself against their sexual advances.

E) I can't say that dominance/submission is something that really interests me either way. Sexual or not. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that has one person be in charge or be obedient all the time (including friendships).

F) That there is something wrong with me.

That I'm making it up to control them.

That I'm doing it for religious or moral reasons and/or that I am *suffering* because I am not having sex. (I am definitely not suffering).

And last but not least, that if I let them try, I'll change my mind about it.

--Leena

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