xserpx Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 ((Not sure if this thread is somewhere else. I think there are ones addressing romantic as well, but this is specifically for distinguishing aesthetic attraction from sexual attraction.)) I've always defined aesthetic attraction as being attracted to someone (as in thinking, "they're pretty!") based on their looks. And I define sexual attraction as experiencing a desire to have sex with someone, regardless of apperance. But I'm wondering whether it's possible for the two to merge. I mean, if you look at someone attractive and become aroused but still don't desire to have sex (a la porn for many asexuals, but IRL and not fantasy), does that constitute sexual attraction? I'm guessing not, right? Except that I think that this is what a lot of sexuals experience when they say "I'd tap that", because people tend to merge the different types of attraction into "sexual" no matter what, unless they experience both simultaneously... This is all pure speculation, I have no idea what goes through the minds of allosexuals, and I really want someone to help enlighten me... @_@ I'm just really confused about it. Anyway, I think I experience quite strong aesthetic attraction to certain aspects of people, but I don't want sex or romance with anyone. It's weird. I've always just kind of assumed that aesthetic attraction doesn't have anything to do with the libido, but I have a feeling I'm being really dumb about that. I'm half expecting you to say, "Well duh. That's what aesthetic attraction is, obviously!" *is clueless* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwair Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I'm allosexual, but I don't experience visual aesthetic attraction. I don't understand what 'good looking' means. And yes, when I'm sexually attracted to someone it generally means that I associate the person with sex, that thoughts about sex 'jump into my head' in their presence, often at inconvenient or inappropriate times, and that generally the area of sex is close to my field of reference when in the presence of that person. This isn't much different than how I experience romantic attraction really, just with a different set of associations, thoughts and emotions. However, I guess that people who experience aesthetic and sexual attraction in sync might talk about the two attractions interchangeably, much like the general public doesn't differentiate sexual and romantic attraction, and consider them one and the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eched Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I wanted to post on this thread, but I feel painfully silly about guessing about what sexual attraction is like so I can compare it to aesthetic attraction. I have no blasted idea what it's like so I'm not even going to touch this topic with a ten foot pole! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1/100 of me Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I can't speculate on the nature of sexual attraction but I know that aesthetic attraction isn't connected to arousal. I experience aesthetic attraction, sometimes very intensely, but I don't have a libido. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janus the Fox Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 From my own observation, my aesthetics is just 'look but no touch' feelings, This means there is no attraction or desire to know them for romantic nor sexual need or desires. I put aesthetics at the first initial stage of 4 attractions, aesthetics is the initial feel good attraction not connected with any physical contact, sensual where physical contact develobs, romantic, where romantic feelings and romantic contact develops and then finally sexual where sexual desires and contact is wanted. each can be felt independently in stages or altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mith Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I think to some degree aesthetic attraction is part of sexual attraction, but not the other way around. Meaning that a person who is sexually attracted to another person will find something physically attractive about that person, but it's possible to find other people physically attractive but not have sexual feelings for them. Like PerfectlyDarkTails said, aesthetics is pretty much the first stage in attraction to another. Since it's something you can see, you can notice it from a distance, perhaps without ever knowing or getting close to the person. Even someone you hate can look pretty to you. But I think if you have sexual or romantic feelings for a person, it will also influence how attractive you think the person is. I find myself aesthetically attracted to many different people, males and females and others. Sometimes they're so pretty I just wanna stare all day long. But then just the thought of doing anything sexual with them seems so wrong. I'm thinking, "Ew why would I do that? Why ruin it? I don't even know them." That connection just isn't there. But then when there is someone I'm romantically attracted to I find them more aesthetically attractive. It's like I'm finding physical qualities in them that I like that I didn't notice or put much thought into before. Like I find X on said person beautiful because it is their X, and Y is pretty because it is their Y, etc. I don't know that I can really say the same happens with sexual attraction though, as I'm inexperienced in that department. The person I've been with for the past 4 months is the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to but I can't say that he's really aesthetically attractive to me. I've known him for a number of years and we went to high school together. Even back then, I didn't think he was incredibly aesthetically attractive (though he didn't look bad and still doesn't, though he has such gorgeous eyes <3 ). However I did develop a crush on him, so I started to notice features on him that I thought were attractive. His smirk of a smile, the color of his skin, his soothing voice, his hair, and so on. But I didn't have the sexual attraction for him back then that I do now, though all my thoughts and feelings for him still carried over. So I don't really know how aesthetic and sexual attraction go together for someone who doesn't have the romantic feelings for the person they're looking at. But I can say that both aesthetic and sexual attraction are strengthened by romantic attraction. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jester Weise Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 The issue with sexual and aesthetic attraction is that they overlap in a 1 directional one way. Let me explain. If you are familiar with the concept of recording devices you should be aware of this.. Aesthetic attraction meshing with sexual attraction the same way that all DVD Recorders(sexual attraction) are DVD Players(aesthetic attraction). Sexual attraction already implies some form of aesthetic attraction but aesthetic distraction does not imply sexual attraction. Just because a person says "pleasure me" does not mean that implies "sexual pleasure". I find great pleasure in slapping people when I can( ;)) but that is obviously not sexual(unless you are a sadist). Sexual attraction is nothing but a subset of sexual attraction. Also I just wish to add I have an aesthetic attraction to tomboys and dykish girls. I do not like female company but that is my only exception. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuietHere Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I'm grey-sexual, and for me that means that I'm asexual but I feel like maybe one day there's a TINY chance of me wanting to sleep with someone. I am also heteroromantic. I've liked boys for my whole life, and a tall, dark, and handsome man can catch my eye any day. To answer your question: Sure. Why not. There have been times where I see a man, think he's pretty cute, and get a little turned on, but I've never had the desire to sleep him. I've never had the desire to sleep with anyone ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xserpx Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 From my own observation, my aesthetics is just 'look but no touch' feelings, This means there is no attraction or desire to know them for romantic nor sexual need or desires. I put aesthetics at the first initial stage of 4 attractions, aesthetics is the initial feel good attraction not connected with any physical contact, sensual where physical contact develobs, romantic, where romantic feelings and romantic contact develops and then finally sexual where sexual desires and contact is wanted. each can be felt independently in stages or altogether. I agree with the stages, but I also factor in libido, which IMO runs through all stages, and can be triggered by all or just one or none at all. I think that it is possible to be aroused without wanting to touch or have a relationship with the person, the feeling fuelled purely by strong aesthetic attraction, and vice versa I think it's possible to go through all the stages without experiencing arousal (except sexual attraction?? Maybe, IDK. Can you want sex without experiencing a libido?). Because a lot of people tie libido with sexual attraction along with everything else, it just makes it difficult to figure out what is/isn't considered sexual attraction even by the majority of aces, though I personally define it only as the desire to have sex with someone else, regardless of libido. I'm grey-sexual, and for me that means that I'm asexual but I feel like maybe one day there's a TINY chance of me wanting to sleep with someone. I am also heteroromantic. I've liked boys for my whole life, and a tall, dark, and handsome man can catch my eye any day. To answer your question: Sure. Why not. There have been times where I see a man, think he's pretty cute, and get a little turned on, but I've never had the desire to sleep him. I've never had the desire to sleep with anyone ever. Thanks, this is basically me except I've never desired sexual or romantic relationships with anyone. I'm just interested in knowing whether most ace's aesthetic attraction triggers their libido, but judging by many comments it seems pretty rare (could be due to many people here lacking a libido though). Interesting. However, I guess that people who experience aesthetic and sexual attraction in sync might talk about the two attractions interchangeably, much like the general public doesn't differentiate sexual and romantic attraction, and consider them one and the same. This is what I'm thinking. But it's probably pretty hard to find out. Perhaps I'll post something on Sexual Q&A... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhenSummersGone Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Aesthetic Attraction to me is just looks. I can admire someone like a painting and just stare at them because they are so pretty. Sexual Attraction, based on what sexual people say, is wanting to see them naked or a desire to sleep with them. I've never really cared about seeing anyone naked and I've always thought guys looked better with their clothes on lol. Sensual Attraction also gets mixed up in here as well. Sensual can be romantic or just touch, for me anyways. I enjoy the sensual and romantic side of sex but not the sexual side. With arousal and how I see it it's just my body getting ready for something sexual, sexual release maybe. The same reason some asexuals watch porn and can get aroused but have no interest in actually having sex with any of the people they just saw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lia Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Moved to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations Lia Asexual Q&A Mod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel Lorenzo Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 when I look at a beautiful people I usually have an erection or arousal but still not teno desire to sleep with people. I just want to admire its beauty without sexual intent, even if my body does not understand this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhenSummersGone Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 when I look at a beautiful people I usually have an erection or arousal but still not teno desire to sleep with people. I just want to admire its beauty without sexual intent, even if my body does not understand this Same with me. My body isn't on the same page as my mind. I can get aroused and really turned on physically during intimate situations, but the desire to have sex isn't there. It's weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umhi Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I kind of think of it in the same way. For me when I experience aesthetic attraction I just think 'oh they're good looking/handsome.' But I think the sexual attraction is more of a thought like 'oh they're attractive, I might want to have sex with them.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay26 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I see aesthetic attraction as recognizing beauty for what it is. It is subjective and very broad. Like I feel my wife has a fantastic neck. I love to observe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacct Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 When I see an aesthetically attractive person, usually I just fawn over their looks but the thought of being romantically or sexually involved with them never really crosses my mind. If it does, usually I'm pretty disgusted or uncomfortable. Every so often a person come that sexually arouses me because they're just so beautiful, but no matter how I take care of that I know that if that person was there in front of me and they wanted to have sex I would turn them down in a heartbeat. And I think that's the big difference: if that person came to you and wanted to have sex, would you accept or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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