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Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

granted (and hugs if you want them :( ) But you cry such large tears it adds to sea level rise and drowns several continents.

 

I wish lockdown could safely be lifted

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Skycaptain

Granted, but in lifting it you hurt your back and are confined to bed 

 

I wish lentils didn't cause abdominal gas 

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hexingkinase

Granted. Lentils now cause abdominal liquid, resulting in diarrhea.

 

I wish I could stop and start time at will

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Mackenzie Holiday

Granted, but every time you start time up again, a 5 minute ad plays. It says you can skip it after 5 seconds, but the skip button never works.

 

I wish I had a friendly ghost as a friend.

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Fraggle Underdark

Granted but it's always talking about US politics.

 

I wish I could turn into a pangolin at will.

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dragoncookie425

Granted, except you can only be above ground for 1 minute each day. The rest of the time as a pangolin you have to stay underground.

 

I wish I could have a dragon as a best friend

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German User

Granted. Your dragon has the size of two small houses and only eats human flesh.

 

I wish I had a better clinical chemistry teacher.

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Skycaptain

Granted, but they conduct all the practical lessons using you as the subject 

 

I wish I wasn't losing my hair 

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German User

Granted, but you cannot cut you hair and shave your body hair any more (It also grows with a steady speed, eventually crushing you under its own weigh).

 

I wish our theatre would reopen.

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Skycaptain

Granted, but the whole cast and audience have to wear hazmat suits

 

I wish I could eat cheese without being ill afterwards 

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dragoncookie425

Granted, but cheese is now the only thing you can eat.

 

I wish I could have a billion wishes

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SecondMoon

Granted, but there will be no cookies until you finish all your wishes!

 

I wish I were more decisive.

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Skycaptain

Granted, but you always make the wrong decisions 

 

I wish hayfever didn't make me sneeze 

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Grey-Ace Ventura

Granted, but now you can't stop sneezing unless you have hayfever.

 

I wish I could fall asleep easier.

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dragoncookie425

Granted, but you always wake up in exactly a hour

 

I wish I never ran out of books to read

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ClaryFray1984

Granted but every page turn gives you a paper cut.

 

I wish I could meet more people

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Skycaptain

Granted, say hello to 300 coppers accusing you of breaking Social Distancing guidelines 

 

I wish I was Prime Minister 

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ClaryFray1984

Granted but you have to use the same hairdresser as him.

 

I wish unicorns were real

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AmusedSkeptic

Your wish is granted, but be warned. These unicorns are malicious and have an ambition to destroy all forms of literature.

 

I wish pets lived longer.

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ClaryFray1984

Granted but they will poop every hour.

 

I wish trees could talk.

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German User

Granted! They could. They just never want to.

 

I wish everyone else was orange!

 

 

 

 

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ClaryFray1984

Granted. But that means you are a certain chocolate factory owner who sells wonka bars.

 

I wish I knew what was in area 51.

 

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Lady Constellation

Granted, but the government found out that you know and now you're the one in there.

 

I wish summer would come faster. 

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ClaryFray1984

Granted but it came that fast it's actually winter now.

 

I wish dragons were real

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I'mTheDecoy

Granted. Here's your komodo dragon. 

 

I wish to get published!

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Granted. The critics hate you.

 

I wish I could visit my friend.

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hexingkinase

Granted. You can visit them only via astral projection and they lack the psychic talent to communicate with you.

 

I wish I could shapeshift.

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erichamion

You now have the ability to shift squares, circles, and triangles around. Oh, you meant change your shape? I'm sorry, you weren't specific.

 

I wish I knew the perfect wish.

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Vicky Angel

Granted but you don't get to wish it for you

 

I wish I wasn't feeling dehydrated

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bluedragonwings

Granted now you feel like you are dissolving from too much water. 
 

i wish daytime was as calm as most nighttime. 

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