#AsexualProblems

[Cee Fox]

My brother's taken to talking to me about relationships and who he's attracted to and it's all I can do to keep from coming out just so that he'll stop assuming I understand (or care about) whatever he's talking about.

[Destan]

There is this show I'm watching and it's quite interesting with good animation. The only thing that bothers me are the perverted moments for comic relief.

I usually just put up with it if the show itself is good enough so I'm not planning to drop it.

However, those moments are just ridiculously unrealistic. (In overall they are, but this is on another level).

How is it possible

- That the MC got his hand UNDER someone's bikini top after he tripped over something?

- For a skirt to unclip so easily by itself and fall to the ground because it got hooked onto a desk?

- That the MC gets send flying into the same female character's chest three times in a row during a fight?

What's the point of wearing a protective jacket if you visibly have only a bikini top under it as battle clothing?

That character should atleast wear a tank top if they lose their bikini top that often.

 

I don't understand how people find this entertaining.

This series has potential honestly, it even gets a second season. It can survive without those moments.

[nerdperson777]

@Destan For the show I watched, the main character had an "other half" that's basically a clone, but with slightly darker skin.  She was dependent on others for energy.  And how does she take this energy from others that they can regain on their own?  She has to make out with them.  The most "effective" kisses would come from the main character, because they're essentially the same person.  Another compatible person is another same person, but she came from another universe.  So you have three people who are the same person.  Guess what's another more effective way to get energy?  More tongue and saliva.  Did I mention that they're only like 10-12 years old?  They already have growing hips.  Why are kids passionately making out?  And the convenient times when that girl is low on energy.  They were all in an onsen, which is like a hot spring.  They were not wearing anything but their towels before going in.  She might've been losing more energy in the spring.  Frontal parts were just obscured by the onsen mist.

 

To make things more complicated, the other universe girl started kind of crushing on the main character.  They had gone to a festival in some traditional outfit.  Someone, probably the other half girl, pranked the main girl by telling her that she couldn't wear anything underneath, because it was part of the tradition.  Her outfit got unraveled so she was stuck at the festival naked in a robe.  It was apparently very complex to put on, so who knows how it so conveniently got loose.  Other universe girl helped fix the outfit, as she was very academically knowledgeable about things she read.  She was held captive for a long time and learned a lot by reading books, apparently there was one on these outfits?

 

And what's with all the butt shots when they wear revealing outfits?

[naakka]

8 hours ago, Destan said:

There is this show I'm watching and it's quite interesting with good animation. The only thing that bothers me are the perverted moments for comic relief.

I usually just put up with it if the show itself is good enough so I'm not planning to drop it.

However, those moments are just ridiculously unrealistic. (In overall they are, but this is on another level).

 

8 hours ago, Destan said:

I don't understand how people find this entertaining.

This series has potential honestly, it even gets a second season. It can survive without those moments.

I suspect they look funnier to allo people due to the sexual stuff... but the unrealistic part captures the majority of your attention since the sexual part does not cause the huge relatable emotions to you so it's just irritating? Happens to me too 😁

[Destan]

@nerdperson777 What kind of show is that? How could they sexualize kids? That sounds horrifying and disgusting. I can't believe that exists.😨

[Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦]

My friends would call me “innocent” whenever I don’t know something related to sex. It’s not that I’m innocent, I’m just uninterested 🙄

[Janus the Fox]

I understand the “it’s not that I don’t know or don’t want to know or can’t know, I’m not all that interested in wanting to know about sex” theme.

 

Sure, Sex-Ed is essential but after that?  Not really my thing if I’m not participating in it.

[Cee Fox]

 

15 hours ago, Destan said:

@nerdperson777 What kind of show is that? How could they sexualize kids? That sounds horrifying and disgusting. I can't believe that exists.😨

In anime, anything is free reign. Sexualizing kids or people who look very young is it's own genre. (I'm not saying what they're taking about is an anime, but I'm assuming it is because that's what it sounds like.)

[Destan]

1 hour ago, Cee Fox said:

 

In anime, anything is free reign. Sexualizing kids or people who look very young is it's own genre. (I'm not saying what they're taking about is an anime, but I'm assuming it is because that's what it sounds like.)

Unfortunately, it is indeed free reign.

People who look very young? That reminds me of those characters that look like 10-13 years olds but are in reality a 100+ year old being.

It does really sound like an anime. I don't think a show like that would exist if it wasn't anime. 

[nerdperson777]

On 7/3/2020 at 12:13 AM, Rena𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 said:

My friends would call me “innocent” whenever I don’t know something related to sex. It’s not that I’m innocent, I’m just uninterested 🙄

I remember getting that comment.  It was a pictionary telephone game, but the words can be more adult-oriented.  There was one where the word passed around was "bullshit" and everyone had it right.  But when it got to me at the end, I changed it to cow poop.  Vulgar words don't cross my mind.  There were some innuendos that I didn't know and I got called innocent.  Then they wouldn't actually tell me what it meant.

 

On 7/3/2020 at 4:51 AM, Cee Fox said:

In anime, anything is free reign. Sexualizing kids or people who look very young is it's own genre. (I'm not saying what they're taking about is an anime, but I'm assuming it is because that's what it sounds like.)

That is very true.  I heard that there's an anime about soda cans.  They found a way to sexualize soda cans.

 

@Destan You are correct, it is an anime.  The franchise is Fate, where it usually isn't kid oriented.  Ironically, only the main character in most of the stories is the only one who doesn't have an overly sexualized outfit.  Literally every other female character does.  The specific series was a spin-off, Prisma Illya, that was centered around one of the characters, who just happened to be that young.  So it's like another storyline where she was regular girl going to school, and not knowing about her mage ancestry.

[Destan]

5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

That is very true.  I heard that there's an anime about soda cans.  They found a way to sexualize soda cans.

Oh no, not the soda cans. 😰

5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

 @Destan You are correct, it is an anime.  The franchise is Fate, where it usually isn't kid oriented.  Ironically, only the main character in most of the stories is the only one who doesn't have an overly sexualized outfit.  Literally every other female character does.  The specific series was a spin-off, Prisma Illya, that was centered around one of the characters, who just happened to be that young.  So it's like another storyline where she was regular girl going to school, and not knowing about her mage ancestry.

That seems like a weird series. I'm glad to stick with my preferred genres, I do not even want to know what else exists in the dark side of anime.

[Zash]

9 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

 

@Destan You are correct, it is an anime.  The franchise is Fate, where it usually isn't kid oriented.  Ironically, only the main character in most of the stories is the only one who doesn't have an overly sexualized outfit.  Literally every other female character does.  The specific series was a spin-off, Prisma Illya, that was centered around one of the characters, who just happened to be that young.  So it's like another storyline where she was regular girl going to school, and not knowing about her mage ancestry.

Ironically, the mangaka has an unhealthy... fascination with Saber too.  He likes her waaaay too much.  I think it is a case of "She is my waifu, I must protect her and not lewd her."

[nerdperson777]

@Destan The regular series, not the spinoff, are a lot more fighting action.  The girls still somehow have revealing clothing, but at least I get to see more fighting.

 

4 hours ago, Zash said:

Ironically, the mangaka has an unhealthy... fascination with Saber too.  He likes her waaaay too much.  I think it is a case of "She is my waifu, I must protect her and not lewd her."

As the one who embodies Shirou in my group, I'm probably more of the spinoff version who keeps finding himself unintentionally in dirty situations.  I'm always wondering, how the heck did I end up here??  Plus since I'm aro, I really wish the difference between each route was more than which girl he ends up with.  I guess I'm more interested in Saber than the other two.  My long lost friend said that she cosplayed Rin and actually doesn't like Shirou, so I think it would be interesting if we went to a con together in the future as those two.

 

But I think a problem with a lot of series in general, whether it be manga or anime, is that non-consensual acts get normalized.  Then the one who didn't consent actually likes whatever the other person did.  Then eventually people IRL will find that it's okay to violate someone's consent because they're sure the other person will like it.

[naakka]

This is a minor thing, anyhow, I have been visiting my parents on my summer holidays, and during this time I've realized how certain my mum is that I must be a (closeted) lesbian 😣 she takes anything as a proof, for example I was waiting for a show to start, and there happened to be one of those call-in quiz shows going, with a young female host wearing a revealing dress, as typical, and when she came in she clearly hinted that "there's nothing wrong if I like to watch that type of shows for any reason ;)". It irritates me since her idea is so wrong, and my irritation is yet another proof for her that she is right. Whatever I replied to suggestions like these, it could be taken as if I was actually attracted to women. What can you do? (I know, I really should come out, but I just don't feel like I was ready yet. And then I'd feel even more pressured to come out about my gender as well, which I'm definitely not ready to do yet. And I'm also worried she wouldn't believe me since she has "so much proof" for me being a lesbian.)

[Metal99]

The enormous importance normal people give to sex destabilizes me. Sometimes it creates an infinite communicative distance between me and them. Sometimes I feel very alone...

[soso-onbroadway]

The other day, my friends were texting people at school they thought were “hot” and I was just reading it, confused. Seriously, why do they think these people are hot? They’re jerks and not even that attractive?

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, sophiaonbroadway said:

The other day, my friends were texting people at school they thought were “hot” and I was just reading it, confused. Seriously, why do they think these people are hot? They’re jerks and not even that attractive?

IKR, ive never found anyone hot, only cute ;p 

and people like them are often jerks (movies say that, so i guess they are, i've never met a 'hot' person)

[nerdperson777]

On 7/18/2020 at 8:54 AM, teayah said:

IKR, ive never found anyone hot, only cute 😜

and people like them are often jerks (movies say that, so i guess they are, i've never met a 'hot' person)

There was a guy from my high school.  He said that he liked cute girls, not hot girls.  I rationalized it and took cute to mean romantic attraction and hot for sexual attraction.

 

 

The other day I took a nap.  Occasionally I get the strangest dreams.  So this time it was about this freeway that I'm frequently on.  It's like the exit that leads to another freeway.  This instead becomes a line of people rather than cars but it started with cars.  It was supposed to be an accident but accidents don't really happen in my dreams.  The car that was in front of me was slowing up the two lanes that eventually merge.  I had given the male driver of the car an advice on how to not hold up the traffic.  Later people have to reverse out of this exit because it was clogged.  So the driver comes to thank me for the advice, totally admits fault, and it seems all good, as he's not being toxic masculine and taking responsibility.  But he starts holding me and saying nice things to flirt.  Meanwhile I'm wondering, how the heck is this happening?  I don't even look like a girl anymore.  Where's my deep voice to chase the guy away?  I woke up soon afterwards.  So my nightmare is a cishet guy flirting with me.  I've been having these weird moments lately that I feel like a girl based on how a guy is treating me that isn't like a guy.  It's not that I'm identifying as a girl but I get the feeling of harassment or inequality that can only be experienced by someone who has lived being AFAB and had unfortunate experiences based on being seen as such.

[Snao Cone]

6 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

There was a guy from my high school.  He said that he liked cute girls, not hot girls.  I rationalized it and took cute to mean romantic attraction and hot for sexual attraction.

I think it might be more about the tone of certain aesthetics, based on what we're taught instead of what we feel. This guy knows what "hot" girls look like because of which models pose in the Swimsuit Issue, or which actresses get the roles with tight clothing. He knows what "cute" girls look like because of which models are used in more sweet and harmless kinds of advertisements, and which actresses are cast as the girl-next-door. "Cuteness" might turn him on just as much as "hotness" turns on a person more into that. It doesn't necessarily make a person less shallow if they like girl-next-door kinds of looks (at least based on some of the comments I've seen when a woman makes a video or posts photos with a more sweet/soft aesthetic).

[Rainy Robin]

On 7/18/2020 at 8:51 AM, soso-onbroadway said:

The other day, my friends were texting people at school they thought were “hot” and I was just reading it, confused. Seriously, why do they think these people are hot?

My high school friends used to always do this with people at our school. Whenever one of my friends was thinking of asking out the person in question, they would always ask me for "objective" feedback / advice about if they should try pursuing a relationship with them. I wasn't out yet (and didn't even know about asexuality) but it seems like my friend group understood something and realized I could give better relationship advice. Despite never having had a relationship, I became the relationship guru of my friend group. XD

[iyote]

A couple of my friends from high school became obsessed with this one guy.  Apparently he was on the track team with me last year, but they showed me a picture of him and I have no recollection of him at all.  Anyway, they kept talking about how attractive he was, which was really annoying, especially because his name was one that I wanted to go by post-transition and now I can't hear it without remembering those awkward conversations.  Mostly I just felt bad for the guy though: my friends were being borderline creepy, at least from my ace perspective.  

[Reiye]

I have quietly considered myself Ace for about 8 years now and have pubically identified as Ace, to my LGBT friends, for the past 3 years. Evrything has been fine, but recently the doubt has started to creep in. It is probably a by product of my own deeply engrained self loathing. That said it is such a rotten feeling to have a small voice in the back of your mind questioning and picking faults in something I had come to accept abut myself.

[Aloney]

2 hours ago, Reiye said:

I have quietly considered myself Ace for about 8 years now and have pubically identified as Ace, to my LGBT friends, for the past 3 years. Evrything has been fine, but recently the doubt has started to creep in. It is probably a by product of my own deeply engrained self loathing. That said it is such a rotten feeling to have a small voice in the back of your mind questioning and picking faults in something I had come to accept abut myself.

I understand this feeling very well. I've considered myself asexual for a couple of years, now. I truly feel it's what I am. But in waves of self-doubt, I have to constantly re-evaluate my feelings. It's probably all the media and people pushing the "love is the ultimate end-goal and sex is an integral part of it, of course everyone wants sex"- story line, and it's sometimes hard to NOT doubt yourself. I'm currently doing this with my romantic orientation. I am truly starting to realize I might be aro, what with not really being interested in romantic relationships and feeling I could have a pretty cool life, just continuing the way I currently do. But. The voice in the back of my mind. It's constantly going "Hey, don't rush, don't rush, leave things open! You're SUPPOSED to want a partner, you're SUPPOSED to want a family, wouldn't your parents be sad if they never had grandkids?" It's quite exhausting. And for now, I'm not yet ready to completely consider myself aro, but I think that's the direction I'm heading. 

I know that questioning, self-loathing, the fear of things changing. But I think, people should always be able to grow and change during their life. There's nothing wrong with someone identifying differently than they did, ten years ago. Things change constantly, we can't just freeze-frame our personality at young adult and call it quits. It's alright. You can feel validated in your orientation, and you're allowed to become different during your life. If you look at your feelings and experiences, they will most likely tell you what your current situation is. I just want people, myself included, to feel comforted and reassured in their orientation and find like-minded people. We're stronger in groups : ) 

[Aloney]

On a lighter and maybe funnier note? I lately went to a combined birthday party of two of my friends. They wanted the party to be all-out drinking games and fun -type of deal, and I wasn't opposed. Then during the evening, some of us were hanging out in the kitchen. For some reason the topic turned to kissing, and people being curious about trying to kiss each other.

Eh, maybe the two weirdest things about the situation were, one, seeing my gay male best friend kissing my female straight best friend, and two, my own kissing experience. So, I hadn't kissed anyone for a few years, now, and went with it now just kind of out of curiosity, if I'd feel anything about it. He was a nice dude, a bit more drunk than me, and I did warn him ahead of time that I would probably be weirded out. We are all very open about our orientation in that circle, so most people also knew my ace-ness. 

 

Sooo, we kiss each other, he gives a slight bit of tongue, and it's quite brief. And yup, yuuuppp, I'm super weirded out by the experience. Probably even more than I remember being, the last time I kissed a stranger. That time I just remember being bored, but this time it was like a completely alien experience, just something very odd and foreign :'D So when we separated and he looked kind of delighted and then praised my kissing skills, saying I'm a good kisser, I just let out a big, disbelieving "Really? Me?!" I just couldn't wrap my head around the thought that someone enjoyed the awkward mouth movements that made me quite uncomfortable 😅

[nerdperson777]

16 hours ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

I think it might be more about the tone of certain aesthetics, based on what we're taught instead of what we feel. This guy knows what "hot" girls look like because of which models pose in the Swimsuit Issue, or which actresses get the roles with tight clothing. He knows what "cute" girls look like because of which models are used in more sweet and harmless kinds of advertisements, and which actresses are cast as the girl-next-door. "Cuteness" might turn him on just as much as "hotness" turns on a person more into that. It doesn't necessarily make a person less shallow if they like girl-next-door kinds of looks (at least based on some of the comments I've seen when a woman makes a video or posts photos with a more sweet/soft aesthetic).

Maybe just my interpretation, but we were at school, so I thought he would be talking about other students, not models.  This is why I'm ace though, I'm not thinking about models!  I just remembered that someone made me a fake Facebook profile because I didn't have one.  So I would never know if someone had made me a fake account.  When I did look up this profile, it said I was male, liked country music and women, and this guy's name was listed as one of my interests.  I ended up being more masculine than thought and I prefer female friends over male, which was coincidence.  But I never liked country music, and I hope that guy didn't think that I had a crush on him that whole time.  

 

14 hours ago, iyote said:

A couple of my friends from high school became obsessed with this one guy.  Apparently he was on the track team with me last year, but they showed me a picture of him and I have no recollection of him at all.  Anyway, they kept talking about how attractive he was, which was really annoying, especially because his name was one that I wanted to go by post-transition and now I can't hear it without remembering those awkward conversations.  Mostly I just felt bad for the guy though: my friends were being borderline creepy, at least from my ace perspective.  

The name I go by, there was one guy in my high school who had it.  We were on the robotics team together and I took a few classes with him.  I, on the other hand, usually recognized people to at least exist, probably because I was silent and observant enough to be able to remember everyone.  I was once invited to a hangout with friends of friends and one of them actually didn't remember me at all.  When talking to the mutual friend, I said that we were in orchestra for several years together, and I remembered what chair she was.  No recollection of me.  Anyway, I had thought that I wanted this guy's whole name sometimes, as he had my mom's last name.  I was originally hesitant about taking his name because what if I meet him again?  Later I thought, I probably wouldn't see him again.  Plus no one recognizes me anymore if they're only paying attention to the hair I had.

 

The only real experience I can think of with him is that in the robotics team, I was the only "girl".  I had a tool on my keys that I let people borrow.  I had actually forgotten about my keys because I wasn't usually the one opening the front door with them when we usually came through the garage.  So one day I came to a building day and found my key just totally destroyed, mutilated, whatever.  I felt like they were probably just sorry because the key belonged to a "girl".  If it belonged to a "guy", I think they would've been less remorseful.

[Bronztrooper]

I've never done more than cheek kisses, but now I'm wondering how I'd feel about kissing on the lips- though, I've got no one that I know irl that I'd be comfortable testing it out with, so I may never know

[Alex.]

On 7/18/2020 at 10:31 AM, Metal99 said:

The enormous importance normal people give to sex destabilizes me. Sometimes it creates an infinite communicative distance between me and them. Sometimes I feel very alone...

I have had so much angst over this. So many times someone recommends a tv show or movie, and I can't watch it because the entire plot and every joke revolves around sex or sexualizing a character or the main character is always in search of another "sexual conquest."

 

Advertisements everywhere are for sexual enhancements or sexualizing subjects or improving daily life scenarios through sex. it's very alienating when society puts so much emphasis on a single aspect of being that you can't relate to.

[Aloney]

On 7/24/2020 at 5:36 AM, Bronztrooper said:

I've never done more than cheek kisses, but now I'm wondering how I'd feel about kissing on the lips- though, I've got no one that I know irl that I'd be comfortable testing it out with, so I may never know

It's nothing special, really, especially if the thought alone makes you uncomfortable. It's basically just pushing your eating organ against another person's eating organ and wiggling a bit 😅

[Bronztrooper]

14 hours ago, Aloney said:

It's nothing special, really, especially if the thought alone makes you uncomfortable. It's basically just pushing your eating organ against another person's eating organ and wiggling a bit 😅

tbh, I wouldn't really think that I'd enjoy it, but I used to think that I wouldn't really enjoy cuddling until after I started cuddling with my gf back in high school and now I know that I thoroughly enjoy it, but only with certain people.  So, until I try kissing on the lips, I won't really know for sure if I'd enjoy it or not.

[Skycaptain]

23 hours ago, Aloney said:

It's nothing special, really, especially if the thought alone makes you uncomfortable. It's basically just pushing your eating organ against another person's eating organ and wiggling a bit 😅

Remove the word "eating" from that 🤣🤣