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#AsexualProblems

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SassPass

>stranger encourages bromances because men can have romantic flavored friendship, and that's fine

>stranger refuses to understand split attraction model because they have a few interactions that are coupled

 

ERuCUk4.jpg 

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CBC
On 3/7/2020 at 10:42 PM, StarrySkies said:

"You're too pretty to be single!"

Just that comment. Or any comments like it. #asexualproblems

I think that's more of a general single person problem than an asexual one (although yes, I understand what you're going for). I've always hated stuff like that. Sure, great, that's nice that you think I'm pretty and all, but you don't know bugger all else about me. Maybe I'm an asshole and no one wants to date me for that reason instead.

 

😈

 

Or literally any one of many other possible reasons.

 

I understand the intention behind such comments, but if you think I'm going to be flattered that I'm apparently too pretty to be dating someone, you're making a poor case. I don't look for relationships with people who don't have a more substantial primary reason for being interested in me.

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nerdperson777
20 hours ago, SassPass said:

ERuCUk4.jpg 

Is this cat a new meme?  Last week I saw this cat next to a banana.  The cat was labeled "me confused AF" and the banana was "people talking about sexual attraction".

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SassPass
3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Is this cat a new meme?  Last week I saw this cat next to a banana.  The cat was labeled "me confused AF" and the banana was "people talking about sexual attraction".

It's an old meme that's getting a small renaissance. It's a good face. 

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nerdperson777

My ears are faulty and I hear the wrong things.  A demi-something girl was saying that she had to get gas.  There was too much noise so I did not hear the G.  As I type this, I'm now wondering if it's that autistic thing I heard about when it's hard to multitask hearing.

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Snao Cone (me)
On 3/12/2020 at 1:33 AM, nerdperson777 said:

My ears are faulty and I hear the wrong things.  A demi-something girl was saying that she had to get gas.  There was too much noise so I did not hear the G.  As I type this, I'm now wondering if it's that autistic thing I heard about when it's hard to multitask hearing.

:lol: Maybe she had developed a close emotional bond with the gas, idk... :P

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C1aro

The ever-present question of should I or should I not come out. Like, why bother telling my family if it’s really just that nothing has changed? I guess this is more of an ace version of a coming out dilemma #asexualproblems

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Bronztrooper
On 3/18/2020 at 11:16 PM, C1aro said:

The ever-present question of should I or should I not come out. Like, why bother telling my family if it’s really just that nothing has changed? I guess this is more of an ace version of a coming out dilemma #asexualproblems

I don't think of it as a "Should I or should I not?" problem, but rather "Do I want them to know this aspect of myself or not?"

 

Real easy for me to decide who to come out to that way.

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Snao Cone (me)

Or "Do I really want to have that kind of conversation with them, and whatever conversations may be to follow?"

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naakka
2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Or "Do I really want to have that kind of conversation with them, and whatever conversations may be to follow?"

This, especially 😂

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cAROlyn
On 2/29/2020 at 1:13 PM, Ace_of_Spades07 said:

Offered to set me up with several other people. I told them I'm not interested.

Before I was out to my entire group of college friends, one of them thought it would be a good idea to set me up with my friend from high school. 😮 I was informed of this plot twist by another member of the group, and I was not prepared for such an announcement. Props to my high school friend for clearly explaining (to the one who had the idea) that our relationship was, and would continue to be, strictly platonic.

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deletingthisaccount
19 hours ago, cAROlyn said:

Before I was out to my entire group of college friends, one of them thought it would be a good idea to set me up with my friend from high school. 😮 I was informed of this plot twist by another member of the group, and I was not prepared for such an announcement. Props to my high school friend for clearly explaining (to the one who had the idea) that our relationship was, and would continue to be, strictly platonic.

Wow! That's so awkward, good for your friend though.

 

Last year, the one set-up offer in particular (by my study abroad group described up there ^) was really awkward. The guy had replied to my story on Instagram about my visit to the Harry Potter Studio in London. I hadn't spoken to him much before, but he messaged saying it was so cool, that he was a big fan, that I should tell him about it sometime, etc. I didn't think anything of it - didn't occur to me that that he could be interested in me at all (although looking back on it, I definitely should've known).

 

So then my friends at dinner, not knowing about this conversation, brought up how this guy was always trying to get with girls at the school. Of course, I put two and two together and told them that he had messaged me. They asked to see the messages. Instantly after reading, the one said "omg, I can set you up with him! I'm friends with him!"

 

Me: 0________________________________________________________0 ... "no, that's okay." Friend: "no, really, I can!" Me: "No, really, I don't want you to..." *repeats 20 times*

 

Gosh, now I really hope she never said anything to him 😂 

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Guest
On 9/18/2013 at 7:12 PM, Dawn Marie said:

"Why did you choose to be asexual?" #asexualproblems

Yes, I hear that one a lot.

 

I always reply with - How were you when you made the decision to be [INSERT ORIENTATION HERE]?

 

** Blank confused stare ** - I was always like this.

 

Me - Then why did you ask me such a stupid question?

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nerdperson777
2 hours ago, Synephrine said:

Yes, I hear that one a lot.

 

I always reply with - How were you when you made the decision to be [INSERT ORIENTATION HERE]?

 

** Blank confused stare ** - I was always like this.

 

Me - Then why did you ask me such a stupid question?

"Why did you choose to be straight?"

"What do you mean?  I just am."

"Exactly."

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Intybus
On 3/8/2020 at 4:42 AM, StarrySkies said:

"You're too pretty to be single!"

Just that comment. Or any comments like it. #asexualproblems

"No, I'm a luxury none of you can afford😘" i usually reply with something along those lines, however people being people misinterpret that as flirting sometimes, i guess it's all about tone. But i do find myself being a lot more confident lately, it ususally works if they see that you are 100% confident in yourself and know what you're saying, at least for me it works that way

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SaturnOOO
On 3/12/2020 at 2:33 AM, nerdperson777 said:

As I type this, I'm now wondering if it's that autistic thing I heard about when it's hard to multitask hearing.

Is this an actual thing? Asking for a friend... 

Seriously though I have this thing with multitasking hearing and I was trying to put it in words the other day and ended up sounding kinda crazy. 

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nerdperson777
6 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

Is this an actual thing? Asking for a friend... 

Seriously though I have this thing with multitasking hearing and I was trying to put it in words the other day and ended up sounding kinda crazy. 

My guess is that if it's really a thing, it might be overwhelming to the senses which is why we have issues.  Since I'm a late diagnosis, sometimes I don't feel totally integrated in the community, plus I'm passable for NT.  The other day someone said "be fabulous" and I heard "B in calculus".  I did get a B in calculus though, despite getting a 5 on the AP exam.  It was my only 5 though.

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cAROlyn
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

The other day someone said "be fabulous" and I heard "B in calculus".  I did get a B in calculus though, despite getting a 5 on the AP exam.  It was my only 5 though.

High five!

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naakka
5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My guess is that if it's really a thing, it might be overwhelming to the senses which is why we have issues.  Since I'm a late diagnosis, sometimes I don't feel totally integrated in the community, plus I'm passable for NT.  The other day someone said "be fabulous" and I heard "B in calculus".  I did get a B in calculus though, despite getting a 5 on the AP exam.  It was my only 5 though.

I've wondered if I just have bad hearing since I often misheard what my workmates say. But I don't misheard that often things in meetings etc where your only job is listening, but if I'm doing some task and someone says something to me, I'm more likely to misheard it. Also, one of my work mates talks expectionally fast, and I mishear her more than anyone if I'm not focusing on listening to her, it's kinda embarrassing 😅

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Eira the Elk

People thinking you’re flirting when you’re just being friendly? #AsexualProblems

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Zyph
Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Eira the Elk said:

People thinking you’re flirting when you’re just being friendly? #AsexualProblems

Now this is something I can sympathize with based on previous experiences.

 

Since I'm a man, I guess some women might assume I'm trying to "make a move" when I interact with them. One time, I congratulated a girl I kinda knew on a college acceptance. Ever since then, she'd give me nasty/disgusted looks whenever she saw me. Another time, I tried Instagram following one girl after we had an interesting graduation-related conversation at school. She declined and then ignored me every time we were near each other after.

 

I know those were unusual circumstances (especially since they were the only two instances of it happening to me). Still, those were two significant drawbacks to me trying to open up to others and be less shy.

Edited by Zyph
added more clarity
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naakka
2 hours ago, Zyph said:

I know those were unusual circumstances (especially since they were the only two instances of it happening to me). Still, those were two significant drawbacks to me trying to open up to others and be less shy.

Sad to hear that happened to you 😕 well, me being female and aroace, and being too talkative/cheerful on wrong situations(?) would also result in men approaching me. A few times I'd get approached by men who thought I was flirting, and they wouldn't believe me if I told I wasn't which was stressful for young me. So as a result, I learnt to be cautious, especially among men. Which would lead me interpreting some guy flirting me while they might weren't. What I mean, it's hard to know what people are up to and it can make you paranoid. I'd loved to be approached by someone like you, but I too would have probably blocked you, due to my own experiences 😶

Anyhow, I wish you don't let bad experiences let you down (like I did)! 😊

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Bronztrooper
On 3/26/2020 at 9:36 PM, Eira the Elk said:

People thinking you’re flirting when you’re just being friendly? #AsexualProblems

I haven't really had that happen to me, but I have had the reverse where I want to say to someone that the look nice or that I like their hair and then become paranoid that they'll interpret it as flirting.

 

I'm not entirely sure why people don't think that I'm flirting with people, tbh.  I'm a guy and I prefer talking to women much of the time, but I guess my general demeanor just doesn't make people think I'm flirting, I guess?  Most I've had was people thinking that me and one of my friends were brother and sister because we looked similar, I guess (which happened twice).

 

There were a few instances at my last job where I would get pulled over to another department and the guys there would assume that I preferred working in my original department because of all the women there, but that's more of a "Straight by default" assumption.  Not to mention that once a coworker was standing on a pallet that was placed on rollers to get to a product behind it and I was watching the pallet to make sure she wouldn't fall, and a couple other coworkers nearby (both women as well) tried to tease me by asking if I was watching her ass.  That got on my nerves and I told them that I was making sure she wasn't going to fall with an annoyed tone, which got them all defensive claiming that they were just joking.

 

That job was just.... a bit much with those kinds of comments (and don't even get me started on the hook-up culture there...).

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nerdperson777
On 3/26/2020 at 9:53 PM, naakka said:

Sad to hear that happened to you 😕 well, me being female and aroace, and being too talkative/cheerful on wrong situations(?) would also result in men approaching me. A few times I'd get approached by men who thought I was flirting, and they wouldn't believe me if I told I wasn't which was stressful for young me. So as a result, I learnt to be cautious, especially among men. Which would lead me interpreting some guy flirting me while they might weren't. What I mean, it's hard to know what people are up to and it can make you paranoid. I'd loved to be approached by someone like you, but I too would have probably blocked you, due to my own experiences 😶

Anyhow, I wish you don't let bad experiences let you down (like I did)! 😊

I learned to say nothing rather than risk saying anything wrong.  I would never use any words that I knew were suggestive, like moist.  Now I try saying things that I knew were possibly suggestive, just because the group I'm in should know it doesn't mean anything.  Like, my teacher knows how to poke my buttons.  Once I was teaching with her, and we only had four students for the two of us.  So she was saying that I would get a certain two students.  I said, "yeah I'll take [student 1] and [student 2]".  One of those students heard their name so I just repeated what I said, that they will work with me.  So the teacher said quietly and suggestively, "you'll take them..."   I got frustrated, said kind of loudly (loud for my standard, as I'm not that loud) "oh you know what I mean!" and stormed off. to the other side of the room.  I'm sure she was amused and laughed.  But she loves saying things and I get paranoid about things being suggestive, so I might've thought something was suggestive but it wasn't.

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Ms. Carolynne

Not strictly an ace issue but...

 

"Do you want a girlfriend"

 

No.

 

"Why not???? You'd be so much happier!"

 

I mean, low key I want to be the girlfriend, but I can't say that out loud. I also don't really want a sexual relationship, or necessarily a traditional one either. Being trans and maybe ace is complicated, it doesn't help having amatonormativity and heteronormativity shoved down my throat.

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nerdperson777

Earlier I had gone to the bathroom to prepare for a shower.  One of my roommates must've left something in there because she walked past me, picked something up from behind the shower curtain, stuffed it under her shirt and walked out.  I have no idea what she took, but she showed it to her partner, the other roommate, and they were laughing by themselves.  I thought it was the little rubber thing that keeps the hair out of the drain, because it wasn't in there.  But when I got out, I saw it next to the toilet, so that wasn't it.  Later she was joking about doing a lot of stuff today to the roommate, who called it unneeded to say out loud.  I was in the bathroom again earlier again just picking at my face.  That's when I thought, maybe they were having sex in the shower and they didn't throw away a condom.  More often than not, I know that they shower together.  Who thinks this is plausible?

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Bio 7
1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

Earlier I had gone to the bathroom to prepare for a shower.  One of my roommates must've left something in there because she walked past me, picked something up from behind the shower curtain, stuffed it under her shirt and walked out.  I have no idea what she took, but she showed it to her partner, the other roommate, and they were laughing by themselves.  I thought it was the little rubber thing that keeps the hair out of the drain, because it wasn't in there.  But when I got out, I saw it next to the toilet, so that wasn't it.  Later she was joking about doing a lot of stuff today to the roommate, who called it unneeded to say out loud.  I was in the bathroom again earlier again just picking at my face.  That's when I thought, maybe they were having sex in the shower and they didn't throw away a condom.  More often than not, I know that they shower together.  Who thinks this is plausible?

I was thinking of something more solid.

 

What a sordid world they live in.

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Snao Cone (me)

It could've been a condom, could've been a toy. There's nothing wrong with couples having sex in the shower or using toys, but...that's when they have their own private shower. I don't know how I'd feel about roommates doing that with a shared bathroom. 😶

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Skycaptain

So long as a) they clean up afterwards, and b) don't monopolise the shower when fellow house members are wanting to go out fine

 

Spoilered as NSFW 

 

Spoiler

Maybe they're into watersports and doing so in the shower is less messy 

 

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nerdperson777
9 hours ago, Bio 7 said:

I was thinking of something more solid.

 

What a sordid world they live in.

I guess based on how she hid it, it does seem like it could be more solid.  If it was small, I'm not sure how big condoms really are, or how big her parts are, then she may have been able to just stuff it in her fist and go.  If they were having sex, I'm sure they were using condoms though, because once the other roommate went with me to Target.  I was in the gel insoles aisle, and we stopped by the condom aisle for a moment.  Even if the girl may not produce anymore fluids from taking estrogen, it's probably good to be safe regardless.

 

3 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

It could've been a condom, could've been a toy. There's nothing wrong with couples having sex in the shower or using toys, but...that's when they have their own private shower. I don't know how I'd feel about roommates doing that with a shared bathroom. 😶

We don't have a big apartment.  When my cousin visited, she said that this was a good size for one person, not three.  It's two rooms, one big one small, one bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen.  I guess if they were to make any sounds, it would be masked by the water.  They giggle to themselves often so if they were giggling during, I wouldn't have noticed.  Once they thought I was in my room and not at the kitchen table.  I was on my phone and not paying attention, but apparently one quickly went from the bathroom to the bedroom totally naked.  They were giggling after that happened so I had not noticed anything out of the ordinary.

 

In the beginning, they asked what's the minimum amount of clothing in the apartment that I was comfortable with.  I said "something on the top and something on the bottom".  That could easily mean a hat and socks but I'm glad no one took it that way.  I think I've seen just about every private part, except one, from them now.  I know there are ace people on the opposite binaries of this, but I'm the ace that covers everything up.  Then I know aces that don't care because they're not wearing clothes for themselves, and not for the interest of a partner.  I personally don't get why can't they just wear the minimum amount that we set and then I wouldn't catch them without clothes on.  I'm always wearing the minimum so I don't get caught.  Even after top surgery, I'm still covering my top.  Partially, just because my chest is now socially acceptable, doesn't mean I'm just going to go shirtless everywhere around the house all the time, but also I'm not defying my own rules and making it unfair for the other two.

 

3 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

So long as a) they clean up afterwards, and b) don't monopolise the shower when fellow house members are wanting to go out fine

 

Spoilered as NSFW 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Maybe they're into watersports and doing so in the shower is less messy 

 

The other roommate seems to make a big deal about me playing mobile games on the toilet and told a mutual friend about it.  Shouldn't I be allowed to be able to use the toilet freely?  I know they have IBS, but I can't do anything about that.  If they need to use the bathroom, they can just tell me and I'll get out.  I might end up in the bathroom for 30 minutes because of it, but does it matter really?  I deserve to use the bathroom as much as them.

 

I don't think they have a water kink.  I'm probably the fittest person in the apartment.  Before the lockdown, I exercised regularly, 5-6 days a week.  They did at best 1-2 times a week and I hadn't seen them mention the gym at all in the last couple months.  As for our diets, I'm not sure who's worse.  Since they cooked all the time, I didn't have any space or pots to cook my own food.  That led to me just buying food to eat and not cook anymore.  I don't eat that much so I can make whatever I buy last for 2-3 meals.  But now to avoid me going out, they cook for me also, and I help with dishes.  I've learned that they like very flavorful food.  By that, I mean extra salty, extra sweet, extra marinating.  One of them is prepared to get diabetes anyway from genetics so they don't care that they have too much sugar in their diet.  I guess from my previous job working in a healthy eating place and my parents' fatphobia, I know that too much seasoning, salt, and sugar isn't good for most people.  So they eat much more sugar and salt than I do.  I really wouldn't mind unseasoned food.  They sounded like they would never put unseasoned food in their mouth.  So between them cooking overly seasoned food and me eating fast food half the time, it's hard to say who eats healthier.  But I definitely exercise way more than them. 

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