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#AsexualProblems


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nerdperson777
17 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

THIS!!!

 

Like, please get over yourself, I’m being nice, I don’t have to like someone romantically to treat them well.

 

Is that a thing straight people do?

I'm contemplating about whether it's an allo thing, maybe not just straight.  But I keep hearing funny memes about lesbians not being able to recognize whether they're being good friends or one is flirting with the other.

 

14 hours ago, Akiharu said:

Coming out to your parents and your mother be like "I think I might be an asexual too" #asexualproblems

I don't know if my mom experiences sexual attraction, but she's definitely repulsed by intimacy in any aspect, so she's at least asexual by the definition of not having (partnered) sex.  It's hard to tell if she approves of my orientation though.  She once made a comment in a conversation about me being asexual, so I would think that's a good thing.  But part of me just thinks that she likes that I'm not interested in relationships and won't have to deal with the drama that comes with it.  But she also wants kids so I have no idea.  

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Chocolatastic AroAce

Sitting through movies like 300 or Magic mike with family,  listening to constant fawning and comments over the half naked men. Then awkwardly and uncomfortably trying to avoid questions about who I find 'Hot'.  Next time I'm picking the movie.

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2 minutes ago, Chocolatastic AroAce said:

Sitting through movies like 300 or Magic mike with family,  listening to constant fawning and comments over the half naked men. Then awkwardly and uncomfortably trying to avoid questions about who I find 'Hot'.  Next time I'm picking the movie.

Hahahha awww yeah I can imagine. I find a lot of people aesthetically pleasing so I MIGHT be ok at those movies, however my taste in men doesn't usually go along with what most people find "hot" so 🤷‍♀️

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10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I'm contemplating about whether it's an allo thing, maybe not just straight.  But I keep hearing funny memes about lesbians not being able to recognize whether they're being good friends or one is flirting with the other.

 

I don't know if my mom experiences sexual attraction, but she's definitely repulsed by intimacy in any aspect, so she's at least asexual by the definition of not having (partnered) sex.  It's hard to tell if she approves of my orientation though.  She once made a comment in a conversation about me being asexual, so I would think that's a good thing.  But part of me just thinks that she likes that I'm not interested in relationships and won't have to deal with the drama that comes with it.  But she also wants kids so I have no idea.  

Not trying to tell her how to run her life but if she is interested in kids she could consider adoption.

 

And that would be cool if she were asexual, she could probably relate to a lot of the ish we experience.

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3 hours ago, Pheedre said:

Hahahha awww yeah I can imagine. I find a lot of people aesthetically pleasing so I MIGHT be ok at those movies, however my taste in men doesn't usually go along with what most people find "hot" so 🤷‍♀️

I also tend to sometimes get aesthetically attracted to people, but usually not the ones considered "hot". I'm more into special/original/natural looking people of any gender. So yea, people dying over "hot actors" is still very unrelatable for me, and often makes me feel awkward/out of the place :rolleyes:

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1 hour ago, naakka said:

I also tend to sometimes get aesthetically attracted to people, but usually not the ones considered "hot". I'm more into special/original/natural looking people of any gender. So yea, people dying over "hot actors" is still very unrelatable for me, and often makes me feel awkward/out of the place :rolleyes:

I totally get that, I'm the same way. The people that others find hot, I'm like, ok, I get it, they're perfect looking, symmetrical faces etc, but I find that BORING. I like interesting faces, the expressions they make when they talk , how they move, their voice etc. 

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50 minutes ago, Pheedre said:

I totally get that, I'm the same way. The people that others find hot, I'm like, ok, I get it, they're perfect looking, symmetrical faces etc, but I find that BORING. I like interesting faces, the expressions they make when they talk , how they move, their voice etc. 

Oh, very true! Hot people often look quite boring!

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^I agree. They often all look the same way. Nothing unusual about their faces, ever. Things like bulging eyes are more interesting. In fact, without them, I can't tell faces apart... 

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1 minute ago, Poe's Creep Meta said:

^I agree. They often all look the same way. Nothing unusual about their faces, ever. Things like bulging eyes are more interesting. In fact, without them, I can't tell faces apart... 

Right? It's like a bunch of clones. All the guys wearing their hair the same and crushing the gym with their hard bods etc...and the girls are the same way....give me weird and quirky or unconventionally beautiful any day!

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1 hour ago, Pheedre said:

Right? It's like a bunch of clones. All the guys wearing their hair the same and crushing the gym with their hard bods etc...and the girls are the same way....give me weird and quirky or unconventionally beautiful any day!

Exactly. I've vaguely heard of people finding this and this famous actor so aesthetically attractive (using the term 'hot', but that's how I translate it) and... I can't remember who's who. Let alone tell who the actor is in a movie. I prefer Saruman's face (Lord of the Rings), it's one of the few actors I can actually recognise! (I still don't know his name but nevermind >.>)

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Fraggle Underdark
Quote

Right? It's like a bunch of clones.

For an extreme example there are female K-pop singers. They literally get cosmetic surgery to all look the same.

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When everyone’s having relationship issues and you can’t relate, but also they’re asking you for advice and you have no idea how to help them or what to say.

 

VoGQKxM.jpg

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6 minutes ago, Sir Lancelop said:

When everyone’s having relationship issues and you can’t relate, but also they’re asking you for advice and you have no idea how to help them or what to say.

I was literally looking for this thread to say pretty much the same thing. I see a lot of people looking for help with their relationships, and I feel useless because I have literally no capacity to advise.

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54 minutes ago, Sir Lancelop said:

When everyone’s having relationship issues and you can’t relate, but also they’re asking you for advice and you have no idea how to help them or what to say.

I am actually probably better at giving relationship advice than I would be in one. I am can be very direct to people so if people want direct in-your-face no-care-for-emotions relationship advice I am great at giving it (this directness in everyday life has gotten me in trouble before, but usually only with superiors). Good thing that probably very little of my advice ever gets implemented, otherwise a whole lot of people would be burning me in effigy. So while I can give advice, it is probably best not to follow it.

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1 hour ago, Sir Lancelop said:

When everyone’s having relationship issues and you can’t relate, but also they’re asking you for advice and you have no idea how to help them or what to say.

 

VoGQKxM.jpg

When that happens you just make up advice off the top of your head and follow it up with “I don’t really know though so, disclaimer, if you listen to me and I’m wrong and I ruin your life it’s not my fault.”

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My advice would always be "Break up" because why would someone want to be in a relationship anyway?  

It's probably a good thing no one's asked me.  

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nerdperson777
On 10/15/2019 at 9:43 AM, i.r3beka said:

Not trying to tell her how to run her life but if she is interested in kids she could consider adoption.

 

And that would be cool if she were asexual, she could probably relate to a lot of the ish we experience.

I meant like she wants me to give her grandchildren.  Out of all her full siblings, only she had any children.  I'm the only carrier of my grandmother's genes.  Mom wants to keep that going.

 

Mostly she hates anything remotely intimate and doesn't like to express those kind of feelings.  That does lead to problems at times because she usually has no compassion at all, except to the pet dog.  But anyway, she thinks sex is the most disgusting thing in the world, doesn't want anyone to think she has any romantic feelings for my dad, and will squirm if he touches her in any way.  Sounds like she only got married and had me because it's the traditional path, but she doesn't mind it for the most part, as long as there's no feeling involved.

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Gotta love it when the lecture on OTC contraceptives happens during Ace Week.

Also fun that our counseling prompt for next week is: "my partner and I are having sex and have questions about contraception."

 

This is going to be fun. Last time during pride I won a free box of condoms, I recall returning them to the pride center and using the box to hold candy.

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nerdperson777

So my HRT has made my hematocrit and hemoglobin high.  The first doctor for this said that I needed to lower my dose.  Periods came back but I'm unsure if it was because I had my shot 2 weeks late due to insurance issues or the lower dose caused it.  That doctor keeps changing her hours so some assistant or new doctor saw me instead.  She said the choices were lowering the dose OR donating blood.  So I looked into blood donation centers, and LGBT friendly ones.  I forget which, might be Red Cross or AHA, which doesn't actually like LGBT people, had an article for whether we can donate.  If two people with the same genitals had sex, they would have to be abstinent for a whole year before they can donate.  That sounded like prejudice to me so not good.  I forget what it said about trans people, but there was a section for asexual.  All it says is asexual people "may" be able to donate blood.  I don't know what would disqualify us from donating when most of us aren't even exchanging fluids with anyone.

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Fraggle Underdark

That's really weird, you'd think asexual donors would be ideal.

 

For whatever it's worth I've heard there's actually a reason that sex between two men has a higher chance of passing STIs:

Spoiler

The final section of the colon is designed to absorb fluids. Normally this is to prevent losing water with the waste. But if any other liquid gets in there the body is going to absorb it pretty directly.

I don't know the science or economics behind it but it's possible that the tests they do on the blood can't detect some STIs in their early stages. If that's the case then the only way to be safe is to ensure someone can't have any STIs in early stages. Of course they should probably have the same restriction on anyone who's had that kind of sex, regardless of orientation.

 

Of course that doesn't mean they aren't also prejudiced against LGBT. Just wanted to point out that there is some medical justification for a rule like that. So for example if you find another blood bank that seems accepting but also has that rule then they might still be socially accepting (as in, separate from literally accepting a blood donation).

 

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On 10/21/2019 at 3:33 AM, i.r3beka said:

When that happens you just make up advice off the top of your head and follow it up with “I don’t really know though so, disclaimer, if you listen to me and I’m wrong and I ruin your life it’s not my fault.”

I rarely have to give advice, the last time I did was in high school. These kind of people usually just need an listening ear and/or someone who isn't blinded by love or something. They'd ask you regardless of your experience or in most people's case here none, they just want a 3rd person view on the issue.

 

Every time I got asked for advice, they said my opinion mattered because I was their friend despite the zero experience. 

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pyrrhicperegrination

my parents telling me, “oh, you have to get married and have kids, that’s the most heavenly thing you can experience!” when i once mentioned not wanting either. one of the reasons i’m so afraid of coming out.

it’s also incredibly ironic, because my parents can’t get along most of the time. don’t quite see what’s so heavenly about that.

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1 hour ago, pyrrhicperegrination said:

my parents telling me, “oh, you have to get married and have kids, that’s the most heavenly thing you can experience!” when i once mentioned not wanting either. one of the reasons i’m so afraid of coming out.

it’s also incredibly ironic, because my parents can’t get along most of the time. don’t quite see what’s so heavenly about that.

Heavenly in what sense? If you mean in pursuit of religion, and remind them of all the instances of religion allowing and sometimes even praising singleness. If you mean heavenly as euphoric, I’d tell them to read up on some Maslow and Bugental. 

 

Sorry you have to deal with that :( Hopefully they’ll come around soon

 

@Destan

 

i guess that’s true. I hadn’t thought about that. It’s  so unwise of them though haha. Asking me for relationship advice is like asking a 3 year old about cyber security. XD 

 

People: what should I do about my gf?

me: *Nods thoughtfully*. kiwi, sword, pufferfish, pineapple. Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin.

People: Thank you! 

 

XD

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pyrrhicperegrination
23 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

Heavenly in what sense? If you mean in pursuit of religion, and remind them of all the instances of religion allowing and sometimes even praising singleness. If you mean heavenly as euphoric, I’d tell them to read up on some Maslow and Bugental. 

 

Sorry you have to deal with that :( Hopefully they’ll come around soon

 

@Destan

 

i guess that’s true. I hadn’t thought about that. It’s  so unwise of them though haha. Asking me for relationship advice is like asking a 3 year old about cyber security. XD 

 

People: what should I do about my gf?

me: *Nods thoughtfully*. kiwi, sword, pufferfish, pineapple. Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin.

People: Thank you! 

 

XD

“heavenly” as in both senses. but thank you so much for your advice and support!

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3 hours ago, pyrrhicperegrination said:

“heavenly” as in both senses. but thank you so much for your advice and support!

Yeah, no problem! 

 

If you ever want help or anything, feel free to PM some of their statements and I’ll offer rebuttals. Not that I mean to stir or provoke you into arguing with them, that’s between you guys, just if you decide to rebut their claims I’m here if you want help.

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21 hours ago, pyrrhicperegrination said:

my parents telling me, “oh, you have to get married and have kids, that’s the most heavenly thing you can experience!” when i once mentioned not wanting either. one of the reasons i’m so afraid of coming out.

it’s also incredibly ironic, because my parents can’t get along most of the time. don’t quite see what’s so heavenly about that.

I find it morbidly amusing that many of my most religious relatives are either divorced or seem to be squabbling with their partners all the time.

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Here's a quote from an article I read today:

"Once you realise that that's what you are, then it takes the pressure off of feeling like you have to have sex with people."

I feel this is accurate, which is why I am sharing it.

The article is titled "No sex please, we're asexual". If you're interested in reading it, the link follows.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10455823

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Guys, I'm in over my head.  Don't worry, it's funny.

 

I write  Marvel fan fiction.  For the first time, in my life I wrote for some prompts, which is just what it says. The mods on this particular blog throw out a topic and you write about it.  It could be anything, a Halloween story about Thanos and pumpkins or whatever.  Anyway, the subject  this week was Sambucky (Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes). I decided to make it two guys who either find themselves in a queerplantonic relationship or realize they are in love  (it's open to interpretation) but  I wouldn't take it further  because asexy me doesn't write smut.   I thought my stories  would get lost in the shuffle.

 

I go to my inbox and it's blown up with notifications and comments about how much people love my dumb little stories, how they can't wait for the the characters to get together,  they love 'slow burn' stories, that I gave the characters 'emotional intelligence' ( I didn't mean to), how sweet it all is and they can't wait until I put them together.  It's making me feel weird.

 

I've been answering their comments with things like 'thank you I'm glad you like it'  but they want the story to continue....and the most I can do is have them  walk on the beach holding hands and they are giving me the impression they want more than that. I don't  know how to tell them  it's 'not going there!'

 

I honestly don't know what to do about it. They seem to be enjoying it and I don't like letting people down....I suppose I  could ghost them for a while...but  it is pretty funny .

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18 hours ago, starweb said:

Guys, I'm in over my head.  Don't worry, it's funny.

 

I write  Marvel fan fiction.  For the first time, in my life I wrote for some prompts, which is just what it says. The mods on this particular blog throw out a topic and you write about it.  It could be anything, a Halloween story about Thanos and pumpkins or whatever.  Anyway, the subject  this week was Sambucky (Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes). I decided to make it two guys who either find themselves in a queerplantonic relationship or realize they are in love  (it's open to interpretation) but  I wouldn't take it further  because asexy me doesn't write smut.   I thought my stories  would get lost in the shuffle.

 

I go to my inbox and it's blown up with notifications and comments about how much people love my dumb little stories, how they can't wait for the the characters to get together,  they love 'slow burn' stories, that I gave the characters 'emotional intelligence' ( I didn't mean to), how sweet it all is and they can't wait until I put them together.  It's making me feel weird.

 

I've been answering their comments with things like 'thank you I'm glad you like it'  but they want the story to continue....and the most I can do is have them  walk on the beach holding hands and they are giving me the impression they want more than that. I don't  know how to tell them  it's 'not going there!'

 

I honestly don't know what to do about it. They seem to be enjoying it and I don't like letting people down....I suppose I  could ghost them for a while...but  it is pretty funny .

I'd say to just be honest and say that you never planned to expand on it and even if you did, you wouldn't go into smut territory since you aren't comfortable writing that.  Maybe add that if others want to expand on it, then they're free to so long as the give you proper credit (the latter part is up to you).

 

As for how to get that out there so you don't have to copy/paste that response to every review.... if the site you use gives you the ability to update/edit posted stories, maybe try adding an author's note at the bottom.

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20 hours ago, starweb said:

but they want the story to continue

First rule of fanfic writing... you don't owe the readers anything, so you don't have to continue the stories if you don't feel like it, for whatever reason. That said, it is really good praise if they want to read more :D

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