#AsexualProblems

[Strifed]

4 hours ago, starweb said:

 

I was called a flirt and a chaser when I was in high school because I liked to hang out with guys. I just liked what they liked and I could NOT convince anyone that I didn't want to date any of them! It would not have bothered me in the least if they had thought of me as 'one of the guys'.  I was in it for friendship but trying to convince anyone else of that was almost impossible. 

 

If a guy makes a joke, and you laugh, apparently that's flirting. 

sksksks same reason I was friends with the guys! The girls were more into makeup, their boyfriends, and "girly" things, but I wanted to talk about tech specs and video games and more often than not, the boys were into that. So naturally I talked to them. It makes sense to talk to people who are into the same things you are so you can have more common ground to have convos about.

 

15 hours ago, Laplace said:

It hurts my soul to see so many gamers be super thirsty and weird about girls; it gives me such a bad second hand reputation ☹️. Like I may be not be a social butterfly but I don’t pester girls with dumb BS. People have assumed I’m too nerdy or awkward to get laid/get a partner and I’m just like, “Uhh not every socially imperfect gamer guy is worrying obsessively over their virginity 😒.” It disguises me being ace a bit too well.

 

Anonymity is a great thing sometimes. Male avatar? Nobody even thinks twice. Female avatar? Enough guys play as one so it’s easy to pass yourself as a guy anyways :p. Though can’t stop people from creeping on you if you speak on a voice chat 😬😑.

 

People think it’s cute when two people argue in school 🤦🏻‍♂️. It’s the “like an old married couple” trope. Idk how anyone thinks that constant arguing is romantic in any way; they must have a twisted view of relationships 🤷🏻‍♂️. They’ve watched too much anime or romance shows. And, I guess there’s a reason why people like pairing rivals and even enemies in weird fanfics 😖.

thank you for at least not being like them 😩

 

oh yah, I never do voice chat in gaming for part of that reason + too shy. One time I remember I posted on the League board because I wanted someone to teach me to get better, dude thought I was another dude until we got on voice chat and oh lawd... realized I was a girl and never let me breathe :^) I think I told you about him before? But he was the guy who would go bonkers legit the second I logged in. "HEY!? WANNA PLAY A GAME!!?" "no thank you Timmy I want to play alone today." "OK Just let me know if you want to play :)" -as soon as my match is over- "DO YOU WANNA PLAY?!?!?!" "No. I just said I wanted to play alone today" "OK WELL LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA PLAY!!!" -literally 30 minutes later- "Hey, wanna play?" -ignores him bc I ain't got time for that- "WHY WON'T YOU MESSAGE ME!? YOU DON'T HAVE TO IGNORE ME!" This went on for a week and let's just so I blocked him 🙄 The other guy I played with was a lot more chill and he was fun, so at least I had that good moment going for me 😆

 

11 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Sorry, my thing was an actual joke.  I make not straight jokes with my teacher all the time.  There is one class where none of us are straight, her, and us as students.  So we're too busy making not straight jokes to actually learn anything in that class.

 

My ace vibes must be strong because most of my friends get mistaken for my siblings instead of partners.  Or maybe I'm too clueless when people think I'm a couple with another person.

 

Most of my friends have been girls, probably because my mom made me paranoid that having male friends would lead to sexual assault, or accidentally impregnate me.  I had one guy friend at best most of the time.  My friend in elementary school moved so that mostly ended there.  That one people made fun of us.  My friend in high school, he was feminine and ended up being bi so he fit into my usual group.  I actually met up with him two nights ago for dinner after a few years.  We played online games sometimes

 

But yeah, I wish people can just be friends.  A guy online liked me, but once I did the math, I realized that he started crushing me since the first month he was talking to me regularly.  Two years of friendship went down the drain just like that.

 

I guess I was way too clueless or something.  Or maybe I never sounded like I was flirty?  I don't really recall any guys except that one guy I was friends with online that really came onto me.  I guess maybe there was this one guy who was uncomfortably close during some of my games.  He didn't really pursue me more than that one time.  

💀 I rather for them to be mistaken as a sibling than a bf though lol. 

 

oof. So he stopped being friends with you or you stopped being friends with him? 🤔

1 hour ago, Laplace said:

I tend to laugh a lot; mainly cause I use it to lighten my constant complaining 😅. So I’m oddly a bit too liberal with my laughs despite being someone who used to have a reputation for being too serious.

I laugh a lot too! Sometimes I just laugh because I'm so happy and it's just the way I express it? vs just smiling  I guess next time I have to keep in mind not to laugh too much or smile too much? But it seems like no matter what I do they like me anyway 🙃 I know, what a thing to complain about, but genuinely from my POV it's extremely annoying. This probably sounds hilarious, but during my junior year of college I tried everything to be un-crushed. Show up musty. DIDN'T WORK. Be a bitch. DIDN'T WORK. Attempt to be unattractive. DIDN'T WORK! I say this in a joking way, "I guess my spell already worked on half the class (small uni, class size of around 15-20) so no matter what I did they liked me sexually anyway," but bruh that was the most annoying 2 years of my life. Oh well. I guess it just is what it is?

[Laplace]

1 hour ago, Strifed said:

I laugh a lot too! Sometimes I just laugh because I'm so happy and it's just the way I express it? vs just smiling  I guess next time I have to keep in mind not to laugh too much or smile too much? But it seems like no matter what I do they like me anyway 🙃 I know, what a thing to complain about, but genuinely from my POV it's extremely annoying. This probably sounds hilarious, but during my junior year of college I tried everything to be un-crushed. Show up musty. DIDN'T WORK. Be a bitch. DIDN'T WORK. Attempt to be unattractive. DIDN'T WORK! I say this in a joking way, "I guess my spell already worked on half the class (small uni, class size of around 15-20) so no matter what I did they liked me sexually anyway," but bruh that was the most annoying 2 years of my life. Oh well. I guess it just is what it is?

I give a little “heh” to stuff a lot. But now being smiley and in a good mood is flirting apparently 😑. Though, the problem is that if you’re inherently halfway popular and attractive, there’s literally almost nothing you can do to stop people from liking you. If you’re happy and talkative, everyone likes you. If you’re serious and straight-laced, you’re seen as confident and intelligent. Be mean or bitchy? You’re the ice queen/king that just needs a bit of defrosting......or they are into being dominated 😖. Put no effort into looks? Well, unfortunately most people who are naturally just born nice looking still look nice without effort. And people may also believe they have a better chance cause sometimes someone who is really good looking and is also putting effort into their appearance is too intimidating. Sometimes looking pedestrian just makes you more approachable rather than less desirable 😕.

[Strifed]

14 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I give a little “heh” to stuff a lot. But now being smiley and in a good mood is flirting apparently 😑. Though, the problem is that if you’re inherently halfway popular and attractive, there’s literally almost nothing you can do to stop people from liking you. If you’re happy and talkative, everyone likes you. If you’re serious and straight-laces, you’re seen as confident and intelligent. Be mean or bitchy? You’re the ice queen/king that just needs a bit of defrosting......or they are into being dominated 😖. Put no effort into looks? Well, unfortunately most people who are naturally just born nice looking still look nice without effort. And people may also believe they have a better chance cause sometimes someone who is really good looking and is also putting effort into their appearance is too intimidating. Sometimes looking pedestrian just makes you more approachable rather than less desirable 😕.

LOL. I think if you overdo it then it's flirting? 

 

🙃 well I'm doomed then 🙃 LOL. Oh well. Like I said, it is what it is and you're right, you can't stop it. Never can stop other people's feelings/thoughts anyway.  sksk the whole ice queen/king thing disturbs me honestly... I have had people I have said no to multiple times or looked uncomfortable at/gave them a dirty look and they still keep trying like I'm magically going to change my mind! Like we're in some badly written romance movie or something 😩 that if they work hard enough I will like them back 🤡 Girl/Boy, no means no. Get away from me. I don't get where that trope comes from? 😩 Do some people actually use that as some kind of... tactic or something?

[Laplace]

1 hour ago, Strifed said:

LOL. I think if you overdo it then it's flirting? 

 

🙃 well I'm doomed then 🙃 LOL. Oh well. Like I said, it is what it is and you're right, you can't stop it. Never can stop other people's feelings/thoughts anyway.  sksk the whole ice queen/king thing disturbs me honestly... I have had people I have said no to multiple times or looked uncomfortable at/gave them a dirty look and they still keep trying like I'm magically going to change my mind! Like we're in some badly written romance movie or something 😩 that if they work hard enough I will like them back 🤡 Girl/Boy, no means no. Get away from me. I don't get where that trope comes from? 😩 Do some people actually use that as some kind of... tactic or something?

My problem is that I am usually a bit distant and quiet so it’s seen as out of character for me to be really animated or excited. So when I’m laughing and getting into a conversation with a girl, people start assuming things sometimes 😫. 

 

It’s the ultimate wish fulfillment trope; the girl/guy who never opens up for anyone will open up for you if you’re persistent enough. They’ll be happy and nice just for you. And if they have emotional baggage, you’ll be able to “heal” them with your...urf...love. I imagine people also use it as a “playing hard to get” style of tactic as well. Like a “prove yourself worthy of my kindness and we can talk” kinda thing.

[Lifesaver]

On 9/25/2019 at 7:51 PM, Laplace said:

[...]

I just want a way to have like one of those digital overlay/sci-fi profile page thingies that appears over my head or something that states stuff like, “Does not understand romance. Is incapable of flirting.” It’d just prevent misunderstandings altogether.

That would be amazing!

 

 

But I do not want the follow-up conversations that my coworkers would have. They are great people just sometimes have a tenancy to pry.

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, Lifesaver said:

That would be amazing!

 

 

But I do not want the follow-up conversations that my coworkers would have. They are great people just sometimes have a tenancy to pry.

I have “come out to,” some people outside my family and can confirm they pry and question. 😐 It’s amazing that when you tell someone who you are they feel the need to correct you. Like, no, I’m not asking you if I’m asexual. I’m TELLING YOU I am. Wish heteronormativity wasn’t a thing

[nerdperson777]

On 9/30/2019 at 9:01 AM, Strifed said:

oh yah, I never do voice chat in gaming for part of that reason + too shy. One time I remember I posted on the League board because I wanted someone to teach me to get better, dude thought I was another dude until we got on voice chat and oh lawd... realized I was a girl and never let me breathe :^) I think I told you about him before? But he was the guy who would go bonkers legit the second I logged in. "HEY!? WANNA PLAY A GAME!!?" "no thank you Timmy I want to play alone today." "OK Just let me know if you want to play :)" -as soon as my match is over- "DO YOU WANNA PLAY?!?!?!" "No. I just said I wanted to play alone today" "OK WELL LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA PLAY!!!" -literally 30 minutes later- "Hey, wanna play?" -ignores him bc I ain't got time for that- "WHY WON'T YOU MESSAGE ME!? YOU DON'T HAVE TO IGNORE ME!" This went on for a week and let's just so I blocked him 🙄 The other guy I played with was a lot more chill and he was fun, so at least I had that good moment going for me 😆

 

💀 I rather for them to be mistaken as a sibling than a bf though lol. 

 

oof. So he stopped being friends with you or you stopped being friends with him? 🤔

I laugh a lot too! Sometimes I just laugh because I'm so happy and it's just the way I express it? vs just smiling  I guess next time I have to keep in mind not to laugh too much or smile too much? But it seems like no matter what I do they like me anyway 🙃 I know, what a thing to complain about, but genuinely from my POV it's extremely annoying. This probably sounds hilarious, but during my junior year of college I tried everything to be un-crushed. Show up musty. DIDN'T WORK. Be a bitch. DIDN'T WORK. Attempt to be unattractive. DIDN'T WORK! I say this in a joking way, "I guess my spell already worked on half the class (small uni, class size of around 15-20) so no matter what I did they liked me sexually anyway," but bruh that was the most annoying 2 years of my life. Oh well. I guess it just is what it is?

I suddenly remembered the one time I posted about some guy talking to me, trying to flirt.  He was on my friends list for a while and suddenly started doing that.  I said that I wasn't a girl anymore but "it's okay, you're still a girl to me. "  That isn't a compliment at all.  He also asked that the reason why I didn't like guys was because I tried "it", or almost, and didn't like it.  EXCUSE ME, I HARDLY KNOW YOU.  I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY (NONEXISTENT) SEX LIFE.  So now when he randomly messages me, I just ignore it.  I really don't know why I don't just delete him.

 

My friend was traumatized by my coming out.  I wasn't a girl and I didn't like guys.  Neither cis nor het.  He said that he needed time to digest or something.  I waited about 6 months.  He willingly played two or three games with me when I asked until one day I noticed that he wasn't on my friends list anymore.  I wrote a comment on his profile asking about it and he did delete me.  I guess there's no reason to be friends with someone if the main reason was to be in a relationship.  We chatted everyday.  He gifted me expensive games (which I was oblivious to).  He didn't spend his own money on them, but he made money from farming rare weapons from the game we played.  The first game, I thought it was because it was my birthday and the game came out right before.  The next couple gifts were just small things in the game.  After two years, he asked me out with another expensive game.  Of course I rejected him but he told me to take the game anyway.  He said even if I said no, we would still be friends.  Now I guess it was just him waiting for me to agree to a relationship when I was finally ready.  A few months after he asked me, I was having the gender issues and other mental things so that's where the stuff at the beginning of the paragraph started happening.  I let him into my circle, and I suffered for a reason outside my control.  I get that he didn't achieve his goal, but there was no reason why we couldn't still be friends.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I suddenly remembered the one time I posted about some guy talking to me, trying to flirt.  He was on my friends list for a while and suddenly started doing that.  I said that I wasn't a girl anymore but "it's okay, you're still a girl to me. "  That isn't a compliment at all.  He also asked that the reason why I didn't like guys was because I tried "it", or almost, and didn't like it.  EXCUSE ME, I HARDLY KNOW YOU.  I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY (NONEXISTENT) SEX LIFE.  So now when he randomly messages me, I just ignore it.  I really don't know why I don't just delete him.

 

THIS THIS THIS THIS SO MUCH THIS!!! ☝🏼 

 

 

WHY do people think that’s an ok thing to ask? Someone I met ONCE irl seemed nice, and we actually got to talking because of work. They were looking for a new job and they seemed really interested in working there so I added them on Snapchat to just be casual friends. {Mind you, I don’t post photos of myself on Snapchat. I use it to chat because my friends for some reason will answer Snapchat chats in like 3 minutes while the messenger chats don’t get responses for like 2 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️.  This is important because I don’t want anyone thinking I was being deceitful or what have you}.

 

This person asked if “working overnights is hard on your partner.” My asexual self was greatly confused. When I hear “partner,” my mind goes to “business partner.” I was like “um....I don’t have a partner, I’m an employee not an owner. I have a supervisor and my boss above my supervisor.” This person then clarified they were talking about a spouse and when I said I don’t have one, I’m asexual, they started asking gross questions. Like WOW OK hold on here, there is so much wrong with this.

 

First of all, me telling you I’m asexual is a statement of fact, period, It’s not an invitation for you to convert me.

 

Second of all, WTF?! In what universe is that an appropriate question to ask someone you just met?  Stuff like “why won’t you *CENSORED* with me?” Is not a question I’m comfortable answering. Because, one, EGH, and two, even though you’re being a creepy pervert, I’ve had the need for politeness so drilled into my skull that I feel like even now I can’t tell you to fuck off.

 

Third of all, WHY is the first question if I have a boyfriend? Like, guys think if you turn them down because you’re “taken,” that’s ok, but if you aren’t “taken,” if you aren’t some other guy’s property, then you have to like them or you’re a bitch.

 

Fourth, even if I WAS straight, which, I shall shout from the rooftops, I AM NOT, that doesn’t mean I’d randomly sleep around with people, I’m not a long handled gardening instrument.

[Laplace]

I am perpetually thankful that my personality makes it difficult to approach me in a romantic/sexual fashion; plus, as a guy, I’m (for most part) less likely to have someone to openly solicit me. Nobody really cares whether I’m single or not at work either which is nice. Or maybe I’m just lucky and haven’t dealt with any particularly thirsty people after college. 😅

[Bio 7]

1 hour ago, Laplace said:

I am perpetually thankful that my personality makes it difficult to approach me in a romantic/sexual fashion; plus, as a guy, I’m (for most part) less likely to have someone to openly solicit me. Nobody really cares whether I’m single or not at work either which is nice. Or maybe I’m just lucky and haven’t dealt with any particularly thirsty people after college. 😅

Anyone else hate the term thirsty when used in this context?

 

I will only use it in regards to hydration.

[Laplace]

21 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

THIS THIS THIS THIS SO MUCH THIS!!! ☝🏼 

 

 

WHY do people think that’s an ok thing to ask? Someone I met ONCE irl seemed nice, and we actually got to talking because of work. They were looking for a new job and they seemed really interested in working there so I added them on Snapchat to just be casual friends. {Mind you, I don’t post photos of myself on Snapchat. I use it to chat because my friends for some reason will answer Snapchat chats in like 3 minutes while the messenger chats don’t get responses for like 2 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️.  This is important because I don’t want anyone thinking I was being deceitful or what have you}.

 

This person asked if “working overnights is hard on your partner.” My asexual self was greatly confused. When I hear “partner,” my mind goes to “business partner.” I was like “um....I don’t have a partner, I’m an employee not an owner. I have a supervisor and my boss above my supervisor.” This person then clarified they were talking about a spouse and when I said I don’t have one, I’m asexual, they started asking gross questions. Like WOW OK hold on here, there is so much wrong with this.

 

First of all, me telling you I’m asexual is a statement of fact, period, It’s not an invitation for you to convert me.

 

Second of all, WTF?! In what universe is that an appropriate question to ask someone you just met?  Stuff like “why won’t you *CENSORED* with me?” Is not a question I’m comfortable answering. Because, one, EGH, and two, even though you’re being a creepy pervert, I’ve had the need for politeness so drilled into my skull that I feel like even now I can’t tell you to fuck off.

 

Third of all, WHY is the first question if I have a boyfriend? Like, guys think if you turn them down because you’re “taken,” that’s ok, but if you aren’t “taken,” if you aren’t some other guy’s property, then you have to like them or you’re a bitch.

 

Fourth, even if I WAS straight, which, I shall shout from the rooftops, I AM NOT, that doesn’t mean I’d randomly sleep around with people, I’m not a long handled gardening instrument.

Some people don’t understand that “I’m single != I’m available.” It also isn’t shorthand for “woe is me, I can’t find anyone so please feel sorry for me.” Like stop comforting me over something that isn’t costing me any sleep. I must be really lucky that my coworkers don’t ask about this stuff at all cause it seems like a fair amount of people deal with this stuff at work.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Laplace said:

Some people don’t understand that “I’m single != I’m available.” It also isn’t shorthand for “woe is me, I can’t find anyone so please feel sorry for me.” Like stop comforting me over something that isn’t costing me any sleep. I must be really lucky that my coworkers don’t ask about this stuff at all cause it seems like a fair amount of people deal with this stuff at work.

 

Basically. It’s also a bit insulting because it assumes you have no standards. Being asexual doesn’t mean being blind. Mind you, that might seem shallow or superficial, I don’t mean to be.

 

All I’m trying to say with that is that different people have different beliefs about what constitutes an attractive / good looking person, just like they have different beliefs about what makes anything else pretty / ugly. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

 

My SIL thinks blonde hair is pretty, so she colors her dark hair blonde. I think dark hair is pretty so I color my brown hair black.

 

It’s not wrong to have a preference.

 

And so one of the things that is annoying about getting hit on is that the person assumes you either don’t have a preference or they fit that preference. 

 

I’m not saying be mean to people that don’t fit that preference. I’m ugly so I don’t think attractiveness is a prerequisite for politeness / respect / whatever. 

 

BUT by the same token, being decent to someone doesn’t mean jumping into a relationship with them for the sake of decency. You don’t owe people a relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[Skycaptain]

*Thirsty*, 

 

Asexual problem, since when did this suddenly mean anything other than wanting a drink?, and I thought I was au fait with most terminology, innuendo and euphemism 

[olivria1]

It's so annoying that the phrase 'Netflix and chill' now means to have sex, because most of the time I just genuinely want to chill and watch Netflix. With hot chocolate, cuddled up in a blanket, and avoiding university papers. Maybe with my cat curled up in my lap?

[griffinej5]

Earlier today, I was listening to Paula Poundstone’s podcast, and there was a dance instructor on. This guy mentioned a style called Bachata, which I had never heard of before.  I just looked it up, and wow, that was uncomfortable. Then I got a suggestion of a video about the “Bachata Boner”. Nope. No. No way. Of course, my dance experience is that my grandparents made me dance as a kid. I mostly danced with much older people, some of them competitive dancers. I like ballroom over Latin a whole lot more after watching videos of bachata. 

[twetzel59]

Just tried to explain my asexuality to a sexual over instant messaging on another site.

 

He got frustrated and said that I could never understand HIM.

 

Then, he said, "I'm out, I'll never convince you [to be sexual]".

 

So apparently his goal was to convert me. Great.

 

The conversation ended with him telling me that I will fail to live as ace or, alternatively, become a psychopath.

 

#AsexualProblems

[Bio 7]

3 hours ago, twetzel59 said:

Just tried to explain my asexuality to a sexual over instant messaging on another site.

 

He got frustrated and said that I could never understand HIM.

 

Then, he said, "I'm out, I'll never convince you [to be sexual]".

 

So apparently his goal was to convert me. Great.

 

The conversation ended with him telling me that I will fail to live as ace or, alternatively, become a psychopath.

 

#AsexualProblems

What a shit.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, twetzel59 said:

Just tried to explain my asexuality to a sexual over instant messaging on another site.

 

He got frustrated and said that I could never understand HIM.

 

Then, he said, "I'm out, I'll never convince you [to be sexual]".

 

So apparently his goal was to convert me. Great.

 

The conversation ended with him telling me that I will fail to live as ace or, alternatively, become a psychopath.

 

#AsexualProblems

That guy is a POS. Sorry you had to go through that 😕. Someone only being nice to you to frickfrack is not a nice person.

 

Also, aces are psychopaths?? WOW! That’s rich considering most serial killers are straight 

[Bio 7]

1 hour ago, i.r3beka said:

That guy is a POS. Sorry you had to go through that 😕. Someone only being nice to you to frickfrack is not a nice person.

 

Also, aces are psychopaths?? WOW! That’s rich considering most serial killers are straight 

Not all of them kill though, they give us all a bad name.

 

I was trying to make a joke there but can’t be bothered, just pretend it made sense.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Bio 7 said:

Not all of them kill though, they give us all a bad name.

 

I was trying to make a joke there but can’t be bothered, just pretend it made sense.

I get you haha. The profile of serial killers is an injustice so straight people, and males aged 20-30 haha.

 

Kind of like why I hate myself for crying in public, not only is it personally embarrassing but it reinforces negative stereotypes about women being emotional and shit.

[Laplace]

I got so ****ing tired of people calling me a socio/psychopath in middle/high school cause of my serious attitude and disinterest in romance/sex. Like ***** do you even know what those words mean clinically? And, apparently, I can’t love anyone in any way cause I don’t experience romantic or sexual love. I swear some people have the IQ of a turd. Oh wait nvm, I don’t have any emotions whatsoever cause I don’t experience those aforementioned kinds of love. Huh, I never knew my entire range of emotions and my mental profile hinged on whether I want to bone someone. 🤔🧐🧐🧐🤦🏻‍♂️

[PittAce92]

On 9/20/2019 at 3:41 AM, nerdperson777 said:

Good luck with that!  I dropped out early since I couldn't understand the classes.  I retook the first two and got a decent grade but everything after, I was not going to pass any of those the first time.  I wasn't feeling it anymore and didn't want to be in school for 6 years.  I was also in a depression at the time so I actually barely passed my actual major.

It is all understood! Nothing about engineering is easy, so I definitely understand!  

[nerdperson777]

On 10/1/2019 at 3:16 PM, i.r3beka said:

I’m not a long handled gardening instrument.

My ace moment appears to be first thinking of a shovel.  "Shovel?  Hose?  No wait, hoses don't have handles.  What else has handles?"  It took me like a minute.

[naakka]

On 10/2/2019 at 1:16 AM, i.r3beka said:

THIS THIS THIS THIS SO MUCH THIS!!! ☝🏼 

 

 

WHY do people think that’s an ok thing to ask? Someone I met ONCE irl seemed nice, and we actually got to talking because of work. They were looking for a new job and they seemed really interested in working there so I added them on Snapchat to just be casual friends. {Mind you, I don’t post photos of myself on Snapchat. I use it to chat because my friends for some reason will answer Snapchat chats in like 3 minutes while the messenger chats don’t get responses for like 2 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️.  This is important because I don’t want anyone thinking I was being deceitful or what have you}.

 

This person asked if “working overnights is hard on your partner.” My asexual self was greatly confused. When I hear “partner,” my mind goes to “business partner.” I was like “um....I don’t have a partner, I’m an employee not an owner. I have a supervisor and my boss above my supervisor.” This person then clarified they were talking about a spouse and when I said I don’t have one, I’m asexual, they started asking gross questions. Like WOW OK hold on here, there is so much wrong with this.

 

First of all, me telling you I’m asexual is a statement of fact, period, It’s not an invitation for you to convert me.

 

Second of all, WTF?! In what universe is that an appropriate question to ask someone you just met?  Stuff like “why won’t you *CENSORED* with me?” Is not a question I’m comfortable answering. Because, one, EGH, and two, even though you’re being a creepy pervert, I’ve had the need for politeness so drilled into my skull that I feel like even now I can’t tell you to fuck off.

 

Third of all, WHY is the first question if I have a boyfriend? Like, guys think if you turn them down because you’re “taken,” that’s ok, but if you aren’t “taken,” if you aren’t some other guy’s property, then you have to like them or you’re a bitch.

 

Fourth, even if I WAS straight, which, I shall shout from the rooftops, I AM NOT, that doesn’t mean I’d randomly sleep around with people, I’m not a long handled gardening instrument.

It goes like this:

Be gay - ok to ask how "it" works with people of the same genitalia

Be bi/pan - ok to ask about threesomes

Be trans - ok to ask anything about your genitalia

Be ace - ok to ask anything about your (nonexistent) sexlife

*SIGH*

[Guest]

3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My ace moment appears to be first thinking of a shovel.  "Shovel?  Hose?  No wait, hoses don't have handles.  What else has handles?"  It took me like a minute.

Lol! No worries haha, that was me with partner. I hear “partner,” I think = person with whom you conduct business 😂.

 

It was also a reference to Jeopardy lol. They had a clue “this long handled gardening instrument is also the name of an immoral pleasure seeker.” Ken Jennings said “what is a hoe?!” And people laughed at him because apparently the answer was “rake,” haha. 

 

Which, to be 100% honest, I have never heard of in my life outside that one jeopardy episode. I also said the answer was hoe 😂, my mom laughed at me haha.

[nerdperson777]

16 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Lol! No worries haha, that was me with partner. I hear “partner,” I think = person with whom you conduct business 😂.

 

It was also a reference to Jeopardy lol. They had a clue “this long handled gardening instrument is also the name of an immoral pleasure seeker.” Ken Jennings said “what is a hoe?!” And people laughed at him because apparently the answer was “rake,” haha. 

 

Which, to be 100% honest, I have never heard of in my life outside that one jeopardy episode. I also said the answer was hoe 😂, my mom laughed at me haha.

I probably should've known though, because my mom's last name is Ho.  She doesn't like the implication when she's so sex-repulsed.  I didn't notice the Ho/Hoe thing until like high school so clearly not the most important thing on my mind.  I don't get how a rake was the answer to that though.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I probably should've known though, because my mom's last name is Ho.  She doesn't like the implication when she's so sex-repulsed.  I didn't notice the Ho/Hoe thing until like high school so clearly not the most important thing on my mind.  I don't get how a rake was the answer to that though.

I wish I could tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️ I had no idea either

[Bronztrooper]

4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I probably should've known though, because my mom's last name is Ho.  She doesn't like the implication when she's so sex-repulsed.  I didn't notice the Ho/Hoe thing until like high school so clearly not the most important thing on my mind.  I don't get how a rake was the answer to that though.

I think the rake thing was one of those terms that sort of "fell out of style" in that context

[Solaristik]

I don't know why I have such a hard time telling my family that I'm not interested in a relationship. I'm at that point now (and I'm sure a lot of you can relate) where literally every time I make friends with a girl someone in my family will be like "ooo it's finally happening!" Yesterday my sister told me I should stop being just friends with women and start dating them, and then just casually said she was looking up some of my friends on Instagram and told me which one of them I should ask out. I still don't know how to feel about all that, it was all in a half-joking tone, but when she starts looking up my friends to find "Sister in law material" (actual quote) I think that crossed a line.

 

The real problem is really my reaction to all of it though. Like I said, for some reason I have a really hard time saying that I just don't want any of that right now and as kind of a knee-jerk reaction start explaining why I could never date the person in question. So that basically always ends with me saying things about a person that I really like that puts them in a bad light, and then I immediatly feel terrible about it.

 

I hope that next time it comes up (which will probably be sooner rather than later, ugh) I'll actually have the mind to say that I'm the reason I've never been in a relationship, and not that everyone I know sucks.

[naakka]

3 hours ago, Sun444 said:

I don't know why I have such a hard time telling my family that I'm not interested in a relationship. I'm at that point now (and I'm sure a lot of you can relate) where literally every time I make friends with a girl someone in my family will be like "ooo it's finally happening!" Yesterday my sister told me I should stop being just friends with women and start dating them, and then just casually said she was looking up some of my friends on Instagram and told me which one of them I should ask out. I still don't know how to feel about all that, it was all in a half-joking tone, but when she starts looking up my friends to find "Sister in law material" (actual quote) I think that crossed a line.

 

The real problem is really my reaction to all of it though. Like I said, for some reason I have a really hard time saying that I just don't want any of that right now and as kind of a knee-jerk reaction start explaining why I could never date the person in question. So that basically always ends with me saying things about a person that I really like that puts them in a bad light, and then I immediatly feel terrible about it.

 

I hope that next time it comes up (which will probably be sooner rather than later, ugh) I'll actually have the mind to say that I'm the reason I've never been in a relationship, and not that everyone I know sucks.

I can relate. It was the same for me for so many years (though they tried to pair me with boys). Eventually most of my relatives and friends have come to the conclusion I'm just not going to date, just because I never talked about boys(/girls), dating, showed zero interest in the subject even at my teens when that seemed to be the only thing my peers had in their mind. Few people are still trying to "help" me to get a date. Sometimes it can get quite awkward, like they tell indirectly that the fault must be on me, on my appearance, hobbies etc (I think they assume no-one have ever shown interest in me) and I should change myself. 

 

I too wish that I could just come out to the friends and family members most close to me, but it just seems like never is the right time. Actually, I've tried to come out a few times irl, but they just didn't get it even if I told it as clearly as I could (didn't say I'm asexual as I think no-one has a clue what it means and don't want to have to prove it exists and isn't just some new trendy internet thing). I think people just won't register your "I'm not interested in dating/ in boys/girls/ in relationships" because of in their mind that option does not exist, so it just sounds like an excuse for them. So the actual problem is that no-one takes aces seriously.