#AsexualProblems

[Skycaptain]

On 8/11/2019 at 8:25 AM, frodobelle said:

 

 

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I feel (incorrectly) that I'm not really in a position to stand up to, given that they're a customer and I'm an employee. 

 

11 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Yes, you are. Harassment is harassment, regardless of who's doing what.

I agree with both of you here, but the problem is that unless there's clearly enough evidence to prosecute the employer always says "the customer is right". It's easier to deal with harassment between two employees than an employee and a customer. In this scenario, say for example the store bars the customer as they have a duty of care to protect the staff, and the customer then sues, there will be no evidence, a lot of adverse publicity for the store and the employee will get fired and blacklisted 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Except also masturbation repulsed so I'm hopeless.

[Snao Cone]

34 minutes ago, Celyn said:

Except also masturbation repulsed so I'm hopeless.

I think some aces might find this offensive because they know exactly who they want to have sex with, just not based on "sexual attraction"

[Celyn: The Lutening]

23 minutes ago, Snao van der Cone said:

I think some aces might find this offensive because they know exactly who they want to have sex with, just not based on "sexual attraction"

Personally I would never have sex second with someone if I wasn't sexually attracted. I know having sex to keep an allo partner happy is a thing, but nope. Just couldn't. 

[Bronztrooper]

7 hours ago, Celyn said:

Except also masturbation repulsed so I'm hopeless.

Sort of similar here, but with being sex-averse instead.

 

6 hours ago, Snao van der Cone said:

I think some aces might find this offensive because they know exactly who they want to have sex with, just not based on "sexual attraction"

I would think the 'who they want to have sex with' part would be more on the side of 'if I had to have sex with someone' rather than 'I want to have sex and this is the person I'd pick', but that's just me.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

1 hour ago, Bronztrooper said:

Sort of similar here, but with being sex-averse instead.

 

I would think the 'who they want to have sex with' part would be more on the side of 'if I had to have sex with someone' rather than 'I want to have sex and this is the person I'd pick', but that's just me.

Hmm that does help me understand that experience of asexuality better.

But the phrase "If I had to have sex..." is Y I K E S. (At least for me. I'm not having sex unless I absolutely 100% desperately want it.)

[Karst]

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out.  I wish it were possible to just... temporarily try being another orientation, just to see what it's like.

[Bronztrooper]

4 hours ago, Celyn said:

Hmm that does help me understand that experience of asexuality better.

But the phrase "If I had to have sex..." is Y I K E S. (At least for me. I'm not having sex unless I absolutely 100% desperately want it.)

tbf, I meant it as a hypothetical situation, but yeah, no one should have to do something they don't want to do.

 

In my case, if I was going to have sex with anyone, it would have to be someone I trust immensely to even be considered a possibility- and even then it wouldn't be likely.

[A.J14]

When you’re comfortable with buying a ring and later realized your parents are linked to your account and ask you what you bought #acepanic😂

[frodobelle]

32 minutes ago, A.J14 said:

When you’re comfortable with buying a ring and later realized your parents are linked to your account and ask you what you bought #acepanic😂

Excellent segway opportunity?? I mean unless they're unlikely to be receptive. In either case. Best of luck!

[WoodwindWhistler]

On 8/10/2019 at 9:36 AM, Laplace said:

When you wake up screaming for the first time in your life cause you had a dream where someone tongue-kissed you 😱. I literally sat straight up and let out a strangled yelp as I woke up.

Oh gosh that's rough . . . I've had a fair amount of vaguely sexual dreams.

But now that you specifically mention it, I don't think I recall ever dreaming about Frenching. Wow. So . . . somnolent mouth virginity? LOLz

(perfectly in-character for a dream to apparently 'start' after I've had the sex and spend the whole time with anxiety about pregnancy or STDs, or for the majority of the time of the dream to be about that . . . Jeez brain I couldn't just have a nice pleasant time like everyone else? It's imaginary for Pete's sake! Of course, I *have* also had lucid dreams too, and then I can actually chill and enjoy myself and/or exercise bodily autonomy if I so wish, to boot) 

 

On 8/7/2019 at 10:22 AM, frodobelle said:

There are acquaintances, friends, best friends, boyfriends, friends that stick with you into adulthood, and at the tier just under Jesus is the friend you marry. You have sex with that friend, raise children together, and there are tax benefits. Being raised in purity culture, you hear all kinds if slogans like that: "I married my best friend ♡"

 

And then they're confused and frustrated when you try to explain, "No, really. If you take out the sex, or limit it, or don't really prioritize it, that sounds like the perfect set up. I want to marry my best friend."

 

Come to think of it, I think that may be part of why I was so confused by my parents getting all up in arms and literally heartbroken about the SCOTUS decision on equal marriage. Because the sex aspect of marriage was always just kind of tacked on as a sort of (*)asterisk to marriage, like a footnote or something, but the general consensus was that it was ALL bad and dangerous,

To be fair, there was a term for this outside of religious understanding, and before the word demisexual.
 

Also, I'm not 100% convinced that sexuality (*especially levels like gray, demi, etc) is not informed by environment. Does it not make sense that if your family makes a huge deal out of sex and relationships, you're going to think about them more? Or doesn't make a big deal out of either (like mine never did) so it'd be more likely for you to not think about them that much, and therefore be aro/ace spec? Or have a Storgic approach to love different from following explosive attractions? 

Therefore, as long as people aren't super judgey about people who have sex, I'm all for raising kids with so-called 'purity' culture. One can strike a balance between being loving and accepting of everybody no matter what their sexual habits (what actual, genuine Christianity and other religions teach) and believing that getting to know someone first is more healthy. 
 

[Aloney]

On 8/12/2019 at 3:56 PM, Celyn said:

Except also masturbation repulsed so I'm hopeless.

Oh man I relate to this so much 😅 Is "annoyed by own libido" a mood or what?! :'D 

[Aloney]

Okay, not exactly an asexual problem I guess, but... So, I introduced a friend of mine (who is in a relationship) to two of my acquaintances, a while ago. We had fun time hanging out together, they got along, started inviting him to other hangouts, too. And now I find out that both of them now have crushes on him and with one of the acquaintances, *stuff* already happened???? I guess this is just a WTF?!-moment... 😅 I... also don't think I understand crushes. And... mostly this scenario just has made me feel kind of... uncomfortable, since they're all people I like to hang out with, and I'm kind of afraid it will impact my relationships with them or something..? 

[Zagadka]

I'm always floored how quickly people will screw up their lives and relationships for more sex. My brain can't comprehend how much trouble people get in for being horny, even when they are already having sex. It isn't THAT amazing...

[A.J14]

1 hour ago, frodobelle said:

Excellent segway opportunity?? I mean unless they're unlikely to be receptive. In either case. Best of luck!

Well, they made it clear that they aren’t the biggest fans of the LGBTQIA+ community......

[nerdperson777]

 

On 8/9/2019 at 10:26 PM, frodobelle said:

So today I was minding my own business, just ... doing my fish pull. Pulling dead fish out of the elaborate wall of tanks at my pet store. (We lost about 26 today, including morning shift, and our second betta in two days, pretty bummed).

 

Anyway, one of the customers (nice guy, great conversation normally, very polite, kind of a time-suck though) was complimenting me on my wedding band and engagement ring. (They are very pretty, was flattered he noticed.) His fish tank is balanced harmoniously once more, which is good because he's been treating it for a month.

 

And then he drops the, "So how soon are you going to have babies?" 

 

 

Me: "Oh, not any time soon, but some day..." (is true, I do want about two. Just ... not this exact year. Pregnancy is fascinating and I come from a LOOOONG line of very fertile people -- my grandpa had NINE brothers and sisters -- and I want to experience it, but delivery scares me. Lots. 

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Seriously, I can barely fit an appendage™ in there comfortably -- but a whole BABY?! 😱

But adoption is also a thing.)

 

And he argues the point with me. Like, we are closing in fifteen, bud. I'm laughing it off with the old "Oh, I don't need kids, I have nephews" and he comes back with "You're pretty and smart and you should raise kids, you'd be a really good mom, it's a crazy world we live in!" (Which basically means he thinks I'd be a better parent than a large but not well-defined percentage of the population.)

 

So I lean in hard to the nephew thing (because it's true and my nephews are adorable) just, "Oh, one already took after me, we're good. I'm set. You have a nice night."

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"You have a nice night" as in retail speak for "Drive safe, but please GTFO. Kthanx, bai."

He means well. He's a genuinely open and wonderful person. And so am I. But dang, I am not ask-a-retail-employee-whose-private-life-I-do-not-know-even-a-little-bit-how-soon-she-intends-to-start-a-family open and wonderful.

 

LATER: I told my hubby about it when we got home and he choked on his juice 🤣

I'm reminded of a story a told some time ago about an AFAB person (don't remember their gender) getting an Uber to school and the male driver asked about what they were studying.  It somehow turned into the guy saying that they didn't need law school, just find a guy, marry him, and have 5 kids.  They really wanted out of this car now.  He even had the nerve to ask for a 5 star rating.  I joked that it was one star per child.

 

On 8/11/2019 at 7:14 AM, i.r3beka said:

Right? 

 

Also, bleh! I don’t care if this is seen as being rude, I’d get out a thing of sanitizer or a wet wipe and clean my hand right there. Germs are no joke.

I had a conversation the other day, not exactly an ace thing, or too similar.  My mom had gone to England to attend a funeral for one of her sisters.  She said that the husband kissed the corpse on the forehead.  She was reasoning that the body had been frozen for about a month, who knows what germs are on it.  I get what she was thinking, but all I could say is that people do crazy things when they love someone.  They were together for like 40 years.  It could be hard to say goodbye.  I asked my roommate what they thought about this and they were like "who cares?  Let him do what he wants."

 

20 hours ago, Ardoise said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out.  I wish it were possible to just... temporarily try being another orientation, just to see what it's like.

For me, the only perk would be to know how to play my DnD character that I made panromantic.  But with my lack of attention to romance, it might not even be relevant to the story.

 

36 minutes ago, WoodwindWhistler said:

Also, I'm not 100% convinced that sexuality (*especially levels like gray, demi, etc) is not informed by environment. Does it not make sense that if your family makes a huge deal out of sex and relationships, you're going to think about them more? Or doesn't make a big deal out of either (like mine never did) so it'd be more likely for you to not think about them that much, and therefore be aro/ace spec? Or have a Storgic approach to love different from following explosive attractions? 

Therefore, as long as people aren't super judgey about people who have sex, I'm all for raising kids with so-called 'purity' culture. One can strike a balance between being loving and accepting of everybody no matter what their sexual habits (what actual, genuine Christianity and other religions teach) and believing that getting to know someone first is more healthy. 

Sounds like a nature vs nurture argument.  I think people will argue about this until the end of time anyway.  People have different reactions to things.  My cousin's reaction to my parents' parenting was to rebel.  My reaction was be a submissive turtle.  My parents didn't make a big deal about sex and relationships because my mom was repulsed to everything.  She never said anything about her feelings when my cousin or I asked about why she married my dad.  I've never dated, while my cousin started dating at about 12.  Relationships never interested me, as no one is attractive and being an introvert that's demi at best for most attractions, it's very unlikely that I'll find someone I like.

[A.J14]

12 minutes ago, Zagadka said:

I'm always floored how quickly people will screw up their lives and relationships for more sex. My brain can't comprehend how much trouble people get in for being horny, even when they are already having sex. It isn't THAT amazing...

I can’t explain how much I relate to this😂. I mean you see how much people will do whether it be hurting a significant other to a literal scandal just for this?!?

[Laplace]

44 minutes ago, Zagadka said:

I'm always floored how quickly people will screw up their lives and relationships for more sex. My brain can't comprehend how much trouble people get in for being horny, even when they are already having sex. It isn't THAT amazing...

I will never understand either. Like that ****ing pedo Epstein on the news. Some people need like a new level of depravity to break the monotony of their lives like a drug addict who seeks out harder drugs cause their favorite isn’t working anymore. There’s a god of Chaos in Warhammer 40k called Slaanesh that was basically born cause a race known as the Eldar basically got so addicted to really depraved sex that they screwed their entire race’s future up by screwing too much. At first I thought it was ridiculous. Now, I think it’d be an inevitability if psychic stuff existed IRL.

[AceCase47]

On 8/8/2019 at 11:35 PM, twetzel59 said:

Allllllll the time.

 

<sarcasm> What do you mean? Are you implying there's more to most people's relationships? 🤔 </sarcasm>

 

🤣

Okay but now I’m also having a crisis.

i just looked up aromanticism and there are some things that make a ton of sense. Like finding that kissing is meh, or like thinking you want a relationship and to do all this stuff, but as soon as they are into you back, it suddenly feels wrong??? Like I want someone to love me back and stuff, but then it happens and I want out. I thought up until now that I just wasn’t finding the right people or figured out what I had for them wasn’t love - but now I’m not sure. All my past relationships or almost relationships were ended by me, either because I felt I didn’t actually love them, or because maybe I was afraid...? Anyway I’m confused... and tbh... I know it’s not a bad thing to be aro, or being both ace and aro, but I want to have a relationship and like find love or my definition of it, and if i am both, I feel like it’s never gonna happen. 

[AceCase47]

On 8/12/2019 at 1:41 AM, R2_3P0 said:

I am with you there, minus tickle fights because I have kicked guys so many times in the square accidentally when they did that. I try to warn them that I'm not responsible for their injuries but alas, they don't believe me since I'm a babyfaced tiny person. But they always learn the hard way. 😂

Oof haha - for me it’s actually easier because I actually enjoy being tickled. It may seem strange to some people, but for me it’s a nice bonding thing to do if people enjoy it - I’ve only told a few people un-anonymously and they are happy to give me a reason to laugh. It’s a nice way to destress too. And also an ace thing I recently found out - whether for fun with a partner or for some, a fetish. It was interesting. 

[twetzel59]

1 hour ago, AceCase47 said:

like thinking you want a relationship and to do all this stuff, but as soon as they are into you back, it suddenly feels wrong??? Like I want someone to love me back and stuff, but then it happens and I want out. I thought up until now that I just wasn’t finding the right people or figured out what I had for them wasn’t love - but now I’m not sure. All my past relationships or almost relationships were ended by me, either because I felt I didn’t actually love them, or because maybe I was afraid...? Anyway I’m confused... and tbh... I know it’s not a bad thing to be aro, or being both ace and aro, but I want to have a relationship and like find love or my definition of it, and if i am both, I feel like it’s never gonna happen. 

Saaame here. I'm now questioning if I'm really romantic at all since I don't like to *actually* participate in a relationship. I've wanted one several times, but I once got very close and had a massive panic that ruined several months of my life. So maybe I can't really handle it. Fray, perhaps. I don't even know anymore

[Amethyst Raven]

Time to reproduce by budding

[AceCase47]

1 hour ago, twetzel59 said:

Saaame here. I'm now questioning if I'm really romantic at all since I don't like to *actually* participate in a relationship. I've wanted one several times, but I once got very close and had a massive panic that ruined several months of my life. So maybe I can't really handle it. Fray, perhaps. I don't even know anymore

I just am still struggling to know exactly how I identify romantically. I mean, theoretically speaking I would date guys so always just assumed Heteroromantic. But then the whole crisis with “what parts of a relationship do I actually like” and “sometimes I don’t even enjoy kissing” or am uncomfy when cuddling (In the very few situations where I have been cuddling with a guy) and it makes me wonder what I actually want. Maybe I just want a really deep platonic relationship (squish) and have been mistaking it for romance??? But like, who wants that you know? It’s not like it’ll be easy to find someone who is like “Yup that’s what I want too” who I am also interested in getting to know, outside of this community. 

 

Maybe ill just be the crazy dog lady 😞😂

[Shiloh_Rose]

Whyyyyy am I suddenly itchy everywhere like this? Bleh 

 

moms gonna be ticked at me it’s been basically a whole month and have not emailed the guy wooooooo 

[Skycaptain]

Not knowing how to form a relationship, or what you'd want from it

[Armin55]

On 9/20/2013 at 9:42 PM, ZombieQueen said:

"You just haven't found the right one yet" #AsexualProblems

Staring into the infinite emptiness Rachat de crédit meilleur taux crédit when someone tells a sex joke and you just don't get it/can't see how is that supposed to be funny. Getting weird looks for everyone else as response #AsexualProblems

Hello everyone. Thank you for sharing this with us, however I have a question to ask you in private message if it is possible. Thank you for your return

[R2_3P0]

16 hours ago, AceCase47 said:

Oof haha - for me it’s actually easier because I actually enjoy being tickled. It may seem strange to some people, but for me it’s a nice bonding thing to do if people enjoy it - I’ve only told a few people un-anonymously and they are happy to give me a reason to laugh. It’s a nice way to destress too. And also an ace thing I recently found out - whether for fun with a partner or for some, a fetish. It was interesting. 

I had some negative experiences with it, too. So mine is a personal thing. But I get very defensive when being touched and when I'm being tickled, I'm laughing because it is also a response some people have when they're scared or distressed, so when I say stop, they don't realize I'm being serious, so I try to use force to get them to stop. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, R2_3P0 said:

I had some negative experiences with it, too. So mine is a personal thing. But I get very defensive when being touched and when I'm being tickled, I'm laughing because it is also a response some people have when they're scared or distressed, so when I say stop, they don't realize I'm being serious, so I try to use force to get them to stop. 

Ugh I can't stand being tickled, even when my daughter does it to me. It feels really out of control to me. 

[Guest]

On 8/12/2019 at 8:55 AM, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

 

I agree with both of you here, but the problem is that unless there's clearly enough evidence to prosecute the employer always says "the customer is right". It's easier to deal with harassment between two employees than an employee and a customer. In this scenario, say for example the store bars the customer as they have a duty of care to protect the staff, and the customer then sues, there will be no evidence, a lot of adverse publicity for the store and the employee will get fired and blacklisted 

I would say that @frodobelle would be well within her rights to say 'ew no' and pull her hand away and/or make a fuss, though, and the customer couldn't really complain about her could he? She could give hygiene reasons for a start! 

 

Easier said than done when trained to be polite and cooperative though, I sympathise, been there too!

[Ytterbium]

2 hours ago, R2_3P0 said:

I had some negative experiences with it, too. So mine is a personal thing. But I get very defensive when being touched and when I'm being tickled, I'm laughing because it is also a response some people have when they're scared or distressed, so when I say stop, they don't realize I'm being serious, so I try to use force to get them to stop. 

Same.

 

I just find it really weird that some people genuinely like getting tickled.