#AsexualProblems

[naakka]

12 minutes ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

Do it! I'm so in!

It's there!

 

[PittAce92]

On 7/31/2019 at 3:05 AM, PoeciMeta said:

Welp, joke's on me then.

Nah, the joke is on the teacher!  

[Aloney]

I lately saw this video from Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (an absolutely lovely lady, btw!) And it was so relatable! I was also so happy she included asexuals in this in just as equal parts as other orientations  But oh man, the part at 4:42 hit me hard 😅 Does anyone else ever have existential crises about getting lonely and alone in old age if all your friends find partners and suddenly don't have time for friends over family..? Or is it just me? On the other hand, I currently feel completely fine with the possibility of never having a relationship. I think I could be very happy alone in that sense, but I'm still a social person and really do need friends and family to spend time with. The sad thing is, I already know a couple that has kind of distanced themselves from our friend group because of their "couple-time" being so important to them 😕 Although, as one of my best friends (he's gay but currently kind of bummed out about relationships) said, "If we're both still single at our fifties we should just get married. We could hang out and have our separate bedrooms. Since you know, we're basically already acting like an old married couple anyway." :'D I guess we are, you could find us at a grocery store grumpily comparing lettuce prices or something 😂

 

[nerdperson777]

10 hours ago, Aloney said:

"If we're both still single at our fifties we should just get married."

One of my roommates did ask the other this, but more like 30s and 40s.   The first roommate had a crush on the other, who didn't reciprocate.  They were acting just like a couple even when not partnered.  So they asked her that question in a half joking, not joking way.  But they're now actual partners, since the other roommate eventually developed feelings back, so that idea is now out the window.

[firebird8]

There will always be people wandering out of the friends group because they get busy with being a couple or parents or whatever. But my experience is so many of those relationships don't last forever, so there are also always people around that need friends. The trick is to learn to make friends as an adult, because you've got to be able to have new people coming into your life sometimes. Making friends as an adult isn't easy to learn but it's worth the work! 

[griffinej5]

3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

One of my roommates did ask the other this, but more like 30s and 40s.   The first roommate had a crush on the other, who didn't reciprocate.  They were acting just like a couple even when not partnered.  So they asked her that question in a half joking, not joking way.  But they're now actual partners, since the other roommate eventually developed feelings back, so that idea is now out the window.

I have somewhat jokingly discussed this with a friend, or that we’ll get married for insurance purposes. I think my family would totally get that it was for financial purposes, but hers would freak out, so I think if it were seriously going to happen, it would have to be after her mom died.  She doesn’t care what her dad thinks, but her mom would probably be upset over her settling for this. 

[firebird8]

So last week I was out with a few friends and some of them were talking about bad first date experiences, particularly bad first dates that came from meeting the person in an online dating site. One of the stories was about the bad first date person being weird and creepy about suggesting they could share a dessert and he could feed it to the person who was telling the story, and so conversation turned to sharing food generally. 

 

I started to make a comment to the effect that I couldn't think of any situation where feeding the other person would be desirable. But I stopped myself and said, "well, I shouldn't say anything", meaning that naturally I wouldn't want to do that, being aro/ace. The people who didn't know me well assumed there was some interesting story and started literally chanting, "story, story". I told them "I've recently realized I'm aro/ace (i said the abbreviation just like it is spelled) and so I just meant that I wouldn't be interested anyway." They didn't really respond but I doubt that anyone knew what I was talking about given I used the abbreviation. 

 

Anyway...that was awkward.

[Shiloh_Rose]

Ughhhh I really like this Fallout 4 fanfiction except that what feels like half of each super long chapter is... smut. x.x I didn't pay attention to the tags, the premise sounded nice so I started reading, but.
If it's not real graphic and its short, it's like okay whatever and sometimes it can make sense and be done tastefully but... idk. I know everyone is different and so, duh, other people like the sexy smutty stuff; but sometimes its still difficult to just... why. It just doesn't make sense cause the story is great and then its just SMUT. And then story... and then SMUT. @.@ my poor brain.

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, griffinej5 said:

I have somewhat jokingly discussed this with a friend, or that we’ll get married for insurance purposes. I think my family would totally get that it was for financial purposes, but hers would freak out, so I think if it were seriously going to happen, it would have to be after her mom died.  She doesn’t care what her dad thinks, but her mom would probably be upset over her settling for this. 

I was trying to find this one thing I saw before, but I can't find it.  Someone drew a picture labeled "friends with tax benefits" and illustrated a wedding cake, asking if they get extra points for using a cake.

[frodobelle]

9 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Someone drew a picture labeled "friends with tax benefits" and illustrated a wedding cake, asking if they get extra points for using a cake.

Bahahahaha!

That is kind of how I view marriage -- a sort of "friends with all the benefits" arrangement ... possibly because when adults tried to describe marriage to me while still shielding me from the existence of sex (because purity), they consistently described it as a mutually exclusive S-tier level of platonic love.

 

There are acquaintances, friends, best friends, boyfriends, friends that stick with you into adulthood, and at the tier just under Jesus is the friend you marry. You have sex with that friend, raise children together, and there are tax benefits. Being raised in purity culture, you hear all kinds if slogans like that: "I married my best friend ♡"

 

And then they're confused and frustrated when you try to explain, "No, really. If you take out the sex, or limit it, or don't really prioritize it, that sounds like the perfect set up. I want to marry my best friend."

 

Come to think of it, I think that may be part of why I was so confused by my parents getting all up in arms and literally heartbroken about the SCOTUS decision on equal marriage. Because the sex aspect of marriage was always just kind of tacked on as a sort of (*)asterisk to marriage, like a footnote or something, but the general consensus was that it was ALL bad and dangerous, I genuinely did not understand what was so much worse if the S-tier level friends involved were the same sex. To be honest, I still don't. But we agree to disagree at this point.

 

I'm visiting them at the end of the month and I don't know if I'll tell them I'm ace. I'm already married, and happy, and it feels a little like if I bring it up, I'll just start an argument about literally nothing.

[AceCase47]

Wanting a cute relationship, knowing you are way to busy for said relationship, wanting it anyway. 

 

And

 

Thinking what you want is a relationship, when all you really want is cuddles and forehead kisses and tickle fights. #asexual problems

Edited August 7, 2019 by AceCase47

[Laplace]

20 hours ago, firebird8 said:

So last week I was out with a few friends and some of them were talking about bad first date experiences, particularly bad first dates that came from meeting the person in an online dating site. One of the stories was about the bad first date person being weird and creepy about suggesting they could share a dessert and he could feed it to the person who was telling the story, and so conversation turned to sharing food generally. 

 

I started to make a comment to the effect that I couldn't think of any situation where feeding the other person would be desirable. But I stopped myself and said, "well, I shouldn't say anything", meaning that naturally I wouldn't want to do that, being aro/ace. The people who didn't know me well assumed there was some interesting story and started literally chanting, "story, story". I told them "I've recently realized I'm aro/ace (i said the abbreviation just like it is spelled) and so I just meant that I wouldn't be interested anyway." They didn't really respond but I doubt that anyone knew what I was talking about given I used the abbreviation. 

 

Anyway...that was awkward.

1). No sharing desserts; it’s all mine 😈. Well...alright I’ll share if there’s equivalent exchange involved with minimal risk of saliva transfer 🤢.

2). I’ll feed myself thank you very much. If I like the dessert, I’m shoveling that **** into my mouth at my own pace 😂.

3). Sometimes I have very particular ways of eating certain things. Like, I need a certain ratio of stuff in one bite (cake:frosting, toppings/cone:ice cream, etc.) and I like to be in control of that.

 

Yeah........I’m not very romantic 😅.

[firebird8]

6 minutes ago, Laplace said:

1). No sharing desserts; it’s all mine 😈. Well...alright I’ll share if there’s equivalent exchange involved with minimal risk of saliva transfer 🤢.

2). I’ll feed myself thank you very much. If I like the dessert, I’m shoveling that **** into my mouth at my own pace 😂.

3). Sometimes I have very particular ways of eating certain things. Like, I need a certain ratio of stuff in one bite (cake:frosting, toppings/cone:ice cream, etc.) and I like to be in control of that.

 

Yeah........I’m not very romantic 😅.

#3 definitely. I was considered a tiresomely, difficultly, picky child. I loosened up some as an adult, but also when you're an adult people don't notice or care as much. I don't think I've eaten peas in over a decade. And yep, I have particular things about a lot of foods, just like you mentioned! 

 

I fell on my left elbow on Memorial Day, and couldn't use my arm for days. It still hurts, actually (I was at the ER twice and have seen my doctor recently, so don't worry about me ). One of my good friends came over after it happened and cleaned and cooked for me while I sat in a chair and watched and kind of gave instructions. It was excruciating, and I don't just mean the elbow! As long as I can feed myself, I'd rather just do that. Why would treating someone like an infant or injured/handicapped person when they aren't be romantic anyway? My friend was extremely good to me and gracious about helping me, but I wouldn't like doing that if I wasn't hurt!

[frodobelle]

50 minutes ago, Laplace said:

1). No sharing desserts; it’s all mine 😈. Well...alright I’ll share if there’s equivalent exchange involved with minimal risk of saliva transfer 🤢.

2). I’ll feed myself thank you very much. If I like the dessert, I’m shoveling that **** into my mouth at my own pace 😂.

3). Sometimes I have very particular ways of eating certain things. Like, I need a certain ratio of stuff in one bite (cake:frosting, toppings/cone:ice cream, etc.) and I like to be in control of that.

 

Yeah........I’m not very romantic 😅.

1. I share desserts/food/drinks, but not utensils, lol. It's funny because I have this image of a fifties couple in a diner -- like, greased hair and leather jacket with ponytail and poodleskirt and everything -- sucking down one milkshake with two straws as basically the height of romance, but whenever I reenact that particular scene, I bite my straw really good so I can tell which one is mine. To be honest, I probably would do this in a platonic setting, too, drinks in America are super huge, it's healthier and more economic to share. 

 

2. I feed people fingerfoods like popcorn or candy, or sometimes with a spoon, but I'm more hesitant when I'm the one being handfed. I have been told, however, that I have impressive spoon-feeding technique. I have a significant age gap between me and my younger siblings, and two nephews I have personally spoon-fed, willing or not, so lots of practice. I can spoonfeed an entire yogurt in a moving vehicle with jerky steering and lots of lights, and even when going down the highway. (Yep, we got yogurt to go and I fed a grown man his fair share of it on the way home without a single, solitary dribble, it's a life skill ) There should be an Olympic sport for this. 

 

3. I chew everything symmetrically, right, then left. Things that are round (donuts, cheeseburgers, pancakes) are eaten in a circle ... counter-clockwise. It's the only way.

[Zectarash]

3 hours ago, frodobelle said:

3. I chew everything symmetrically, right, then left. Things that are round (donuts, cheeseburgers, pancakes) are eaten in a circle ... counter-clockwise. It's the only way.

... I have to ask: what about if you're served a cinnamon roll (or similar item) that's coiled clockwise?

[frodobelle]

56 minutes ago, Zectarash said:

... I have to ask: what about if you're served a cinnamon roll (or similar item) that's coiled clockwise?

Then I uncoil it and eat it in a straight line, chewing the first bite right, the second bite left, etc., lol

[twetzel59]

On 8/7/2019 at 6:51 PM, AceCase47 said:

Thinking what you want is a relationship, when all you really want is cuddles and forehead kisses and tickle fights. #asexual problems

Allllllll the time.

 

<sarcasm> What do you mean? Are you implying there's more to most people's relationships? 🤔 </sarcasm>

 

🤣

[nerdperson777]

When you mention your lack of interest in people when they ask about me and relationships.  Then they think I have an object fetish.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Then they think I have an object fetish

People think that about me anyway 

[frodobelle]

So today I was minding my own business, just ... doing my fish pull. Pulling dead fish out of the elaborate wall of tanks at my pet store. (We lost about 26 today, including morning shift, and our second betta in two days, pretty bummed).

 

Anyway, one of the customers (nice guy, great conversation normally, very polite, kind of a time-suck though) was complimenting me on my wedding band and engagement ring. (They are very pretty, was flattered he noticed.) His fish tank is balanced harmoniously once more, which is good because he's been treating it for a month.

 

And then he drops the, "So how soon are you going to have babies?" 

 

 

Me: "Oh, not any time soon, but some day..." (is true, I do want about two. Just ... not this exact year. Pregnancy is fascinating and I come from a LOOOONG line of very fertile people -- my grandpa had NINE brothers and sisters -- and I want to experience it, but delivery scares me. Lots. 

Spoiler

Seriously, I can barely fit an appendage™ in there comfortably -- but a whole BABY?! 😱

But adoption is also a thing.)

 

And he argues the point with me. Like, we are closing in fifteen, bud. I'm laughing it off with the old "Oh, I don't need kids, I have nephews" and he comes back with "You're pretty and smart and you should raise kids, you'd be a really good mom, it's a crazy world we live in!" (Which basically means he thinks I'd be a better parent than a large but not well-defined percentage of the population.)

 

So I lean in hard to the nephew thing (because it's true and my nephews are adorable) just, "Oh, one already took after me, we're good. I'm set. You have a nice night."

Spoiler

"You have a nice night" as in retail speak for "Drive safe, but please GTFO. Kthanx, bai."

He means well. He's a genuinely open and wonderful person. And so am I. But dang, I am not ask-a-retail-employee-whose-private-life-I-do-not-know-even-a-little-bit-how-soon-she-intends-to-start-a-family open and wonderful.

 

LATER: I told my hubby about it when we got home and he choked on his juice 🤣

[Laplace]

When you wake up screaming for the first time in your life cause you had a dream where someone tongue-kissed you 😱. I literally sat straight up and let out a strangled yelp as I woke up.

[Zash]

On 8/8/2019 at 1:35 AM, Zectarash said:

... I have to ask: what about if you're served a cinnamon roll (or similar item) that's coiled clockwise?

Could also turn it upside down, and it will coil the correct way.

[frodobelle]

7 hours ago, Zash said:

Could also turn it upside down, and it will coil the correct way.

This is true.

[frodobelle]

So, continuing my misadventures with overly forward customers from last night (see spoiler box) ...

 

Spoiler

On 8/10/2019 at 12:26 AM, frodobelle said:

So today I was minding my own business, just ... doing my fish pull. Pulling dead fish out of the elaborate wall of tanks at my pet store. (We lost about 26 today, including morning shift, and our second betta in two days, pretty bummed).

 

Anyway, one of the customers (nice guy, great conversation normally, very polite, kind of a time-suck though) was complimenting me on my wedding band and engagement ring. (They are very pretty, was flattered he noticed.) His fish tank is balanced harmoniously once more, which is good because he's been treating it for a month.

 

And then he drops the, "So how soon are you going to have babies?" 

 

 

Me: "Oh, not any time soon, but some day..." (is true, I do want about two. Just ... not this exact year. Pregnancy is fascinating and I come from a LOOOONG line of very fertile people -- my grandpa had NINE brothers and sisters -- and I want to experience it, but delivery scares me. Lots. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Seriously, I can barely fit an appendage™ in there comfortably -- but a whole BABY?! 😱

But adoption is also a thing.)

 

And he argues the point with me. Like, we are closing in fifteen, bud. I'm laughing it off with the old "Oh, I don't need kids, I have nephews" and he comes back with "You're pretty and smart and you should raise kids, you'd be a really good mom, it's a crazy world we live in!" (Which basically means he thinks I'd be a better parent than a large but not well-defined percentage of the population.)

 

So I lean in hard to the nephew thing (because it's true and my nephews are adorable) just, "Oh, one already took after me, we're good. I'm set. You have a nice night."

  Reveal hidden contents

"You have a nice night" as in retail speak for "Drive safe, but please GTFO. Kthanx, bai."

He means well. He's a genuinely open and wonderful person. And so am I. But dang, I am not ask-a-retail-employee-whose-private-life-I-do-not-know-even-a-little-bit-how-soon-she-intends-to-start-a-family open and wonderful.

 

LATER: I told my hubby about it when we got home and he choked on his juice 🤣

 

 

Tonight, one pulled the old "Professional-Handshake-PSYCHE-I'm-Kissing-Your-Hand" trick. It's not the first time it's happened to me, it's not the first time I've fallen for it, but it IS the first time it's happened between me and a stranger I feel (incorrectly) that I'm not really in a position to stand up to, given that they're a customer and I'm an employee. And while I was married, and wearing my very shiny, very prominent wedding/engagement rings that I have a habit of twisting conspicuously when nervous. It did not help in the slightest that we were in a tight bird enclosure with the door shut and him between me and said door. I'm still pretty rattled.

 

Like, you get used to a certain lack of bodily autonomy as a five foot even, twenty-something woman who might make a hundred pounds when wet and has a larger than average boob-to-body ratio ... It happens, men like to just randomly lift you off your feet because they can, or put their hands on your back or your waist because they can, and they'll mask it as part of guiding you to something you couldn't find, or getting the door for you, or some other thing. But I draw the line at lips. Save that sh*t for the Renfaire, where I'm out in the open, I'm the customer, and we're all just cosplaying.

 

I swear if some man ruins my shift tomorrow ... *sigh*

[Alawyn-Aebt]

6 hours ago, frodobelle said:

"Professional-Handshake-PSYCHE-I'm-Kissing-Your-Hand" trick.

People still do that? It seems like something that should have died in the Edwardian Era.

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Aebt said:

People still do that? It seems like something that should have died in the Edwardian Era.

Right? 

 

Also, bleh! I don’t care if this is seen as being rude, I’d get out a thing of sanitizer or a wet wipe and clean my hand right there. Germs are no joke.

[frodobelle]

3 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

Right? 

 

Also, bleh! I don’t care if this is seen as being rude, I’d get out a thing of sanitizer or a wet wipe and clean my hand right there. Germs are no joke.

Especially since we'd both been handling a bird. Like, he was in the enclosure with me because he wanted to determine the sex of the bird himself (there's a bony appendage under the tail like a wishbone, one prong is female, 2 prongs is male) so our hands were covered in a fine but even layer of microbial bird feces ... Among other bodily fluids from said bird. That stuff carries zoonotic diseases like the Avian Flu.

 

And he put his mouth all over my germ infested hand. I was seriously just on my way out to sanitize. 🤮 It's not rude. That's exactly what I brought up to my manager when I ran into her.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

12 hours ago, frodobelle said:

I'm not really in a position to stand up to, given that they're a customer and I'm an employee

Yes, you are. Harassment is harassment, regardless of who's doing what.

[R2_3P0]

On 8/7/2019 at 5:51 PM, AceCase47 said:

Wanting a cute relationship, knowing you are way to busy for said relationship, wanting it anyway. 

 

And

 

Thinking what you want is a relationship, when all you really want is cuddles and forehead kisses and tickle fights. #asexual problems

I am with you there, minus tickle fights because I have kicked guys so many times in the square accidentally when they did that. I try to warn them that I'm not responsible for their injuries but alas, they don't believe me since I'm a babyfaced tiny person. But they always learn the hard way. 😂

[Bronztrooper]

1 hour ago, R2_3P0 said:

I am with you there, minus tickle fights because I have kicked guys so many times in the square accidentally when they did that. I try to warn them that I'm not responsible for their injuries but alas, they don't believe me since I'm a babyfaced tiny person. But they always learn the hard way. 😂

lol, my sister is the same.  Learned to deflect most of her swings when trying to tickle her through trial and error.