#AsexualProblems

[Comrade F&F]

2 hours ago, Laplace said:

More of aro problems but an ex of one of my coworkers came in to the store today, and their meeting was apparently not particularly amicable. I was just at a loss for words trying to talk to them at lunch ☹️. I wanted to respect their privacy and didn’t want to butt into their life, but they sat across from me at lunch and talked to me about it. I have no relationship experience so what could I even say? Every comforting word I thought of just felt insincere cause I obviously have no analogous experiences. Just felt bad that I couldn’t find any words to speak.

If I end up in those situations, I go, "Hey, I can't offer much advice, but I can offer a shoulder and ear. I'm there for ya."

 

Usually that's enough for the person, and sometimes more than any advice.

[matt_lock]

Yeah, I read a fair amount of fanfiction. Fortunately, the fic sites and recommendation forums I browse either ban explicit sex or require it to be tagged (and thus allow me to filter it out) so I get to ignore it.

I'm okay with romance if done well, but it is frustrating how much fandoms focus on shipping. Fortunately, there are gen rec lists, but it's frustrating having to deal with there being so much shipping. I want to read about people surviving a disaster zone involving supernatural beings that try to kill humans or child soldiers fighting an alien invasion, not romance.

[J.CAce]

When your trying to relate to your friends crush problems but you seem unsympathetic for just saying, “yeah it be like that some times.”

But you don’t know what else to say

[Laplace]

On 7/26/2019 at 5:35 PM, J.CAce said:

When your trying to relate to your friends crush problems but you seem unsympathetic for just saying, “yeah it be like that some times.”

But you don’t know what else to say

My catchphrase now has to be, “That’s how the world/it is,” or “That’s how it goes.” I have yet to really witness a positive, wholesome relationship first-hand. They all just seem to suck in some way. Uncles and aunts argue like crazy, parents are divorced, coworkers have baggage from their exes, friends have had psycho partners, and then I, obviously, have zero personal relationship experience. Seems like a nightmare honestly 😖.

[nerdperson777]

On 7/24/2019 at 6:00 PM, Feys&Florets said:

Do not look up definitions on Wikipedia unless you are prepared for the pictures that go along with it.

I must not be as repulsed as I think I am because I get to curious and I look "for science".  Then my trouble with Wikipedia that I keep clicking around and I get stuck with several of those tabs.

 

On 7/24/2019 at 7:56 PM, griffinej5 said:

Sometimes I end up in the urban dictionary, and I wonder if those are real things people do, or jokes someone put on there. 

I know from enough times with my friend that we're certain to find something dirty if we look something up on there.  My friend is way more repulsed than me so I don't get why she still goes there to find our info anyway.

[Bronztrooper]

5 hours ago, Laplace said:

My catchphrase now has to be, “That’s how the world/it is,” or “That’s how it goes.” I have yet to really witness a positive, wholesome relationship first-hand. They all just seem to suck in some way. Uncles and aunts argue like crazy, parents are divorced, coworkers have baggage from their exes, friends have had psycho partners, and then I, obviously, have zero personal relationship experience. Seems like a nightmare honestly 😖.

My family has been pretty chaotic as far as relationships go.  My dad has no real luck with women (which, unfortunately, has led to him having a low opinion of women in general), my eldest cousin on my dad's side got divorced a few years ago (after having 3 sons with his ex) and recently remarried iirc, my great aunt on my mom's side remarried a few years ago after having been divorced for.... idk how long, my aunt on my mom's side had a bf a while back that was a general asshat (she once fell down a flight of stairs due to a seizure and he claim she was 'just looking for attention'), my great uncle on my dad's side had been married decades ago (probably before I was born) but divorced because his wife cheated on him, my grandmother on my dad's side (along with my great aunt on the same side) never married, my grandmother on my mom's side married twice (and basically disappeared once her inheritance from her parents came in), my my eldest cousin on my mom's side had a kid with a guy who's a bit of a deadbeat.

 

As for my friends, my current circle of friends is pretty stable relationship-wise.  One has been married for around 20 years or so iirc, 2 are single, one has been in a relationship for a few years, and another has also been in a relationship for a few years and had a kid (her ex was an ass, though).  So, really, it seems like my family isn't a good place to try looking for examples of good relationships....

[Bronztrooper]

6 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My friend is way more repulsed than me so I don't get why she still goes there to find our info anyway.

Probably the same reason as me: morbid curiosity

[nerdperson777]

@Bronztrooper My mom's side is like half single cat ladies.  I mean like half the people are single, not that there's a relationship status called half single.  My aunts seem to take in cats so that they don't get euthanized.  I'm not sure if they're still doing that since they had way too many.  They have done the same with dogs but they had to limit themselves to a dozen of those.  A few are married, but I don't hear much about their husbands.  Some cousins are on their way to that too.  My closest cousin is partnered but not looking to be married while her older sisters are married.  I believe they all have cats.  I can at least expect that I'm not going to be pestered about getting married if they're mostly unmarried.

 

The way I see my friend, she's more repulsed than curious, and I'm more curious than repulsed.  I always have to remind her not to stay there too long or we're going to see things that we don't want to see.

[crazy ace]

When I type in asexuals (plural) and spellcheck tells me it's incorrect grammar, because it thinks that asexual is only an adjective.

[Bronztrooper]

54 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

@Bronztrooper My mom's side is like half single cat ladies.  I mean like half the people are single, not that there's a relationship status called half single.  My aunts seem to take in cats so that they don't get euthanized.  I'm not sure if they're still doing that since they had way too many.  They have done the same with dogs but they had to limit themselves to a dozen of those.  A few are married, but I don't hear much about their husbands.  Some cousins are on their way to that too.  My closest cousin is partnered but not looking to be married while her older sisters are married.  I believe they all have cats.  I can at least expect that I'm not going to be pestered about getting married if they're mostly unmarried.

 

The way I see my friend, she's more repulsed than curious, and I'm more curious than repulsed.  I always have to remind her not to stay there too long or we're going to see things that we don't want to see.

Enh, my family is far from traditional, so marriage was never a concern.  Because of that, I haven't had to worry about being pressured into getting into a relationship or anything like that.  My family seems to be one of those where everyone tries not to interfere in everyone else's lives.

 

I meant morbid curiosity in the sense that it's not necessarily something that I'd want to know, even if I have a pretty good idea what it'd be, but my sense of curiosity ignores all that and demands to look to 'know for sure'.

 

For example: on one chat my friends and I used to use, linked images didn't show unless you clicked the link, and ocassionally there'd be times where they kept posting links for pics of 'hot' guys (considering how my circle of friends is mostly attracted to men, it's not surprising)- usually pics that were pretty NSFW, or close to it.  I'd have a pretty good idea of what the links would be during those moments, but I'd click the links anyway to satisfy that 'need to know for sure' feeling I'd get.

 

Not exactly fun having morbid curiosity...

[DarkStormyKnight]

Going out and dancing and having a good time with some friends... but then people just keep wanting to bump and grind. >.>

[Divide By Zero]

I recently created an account on a website. As part of account set up, I had to select a security question from a per-determined list. Among the questions on the list are:

• What is the name of your spouse or significant other?
• What is the name of your first girlfriend or boyfriend?
• What is the name of the first boy or girl you kissed?
• Where did you go on your first date?

I was rather surprised at the number of romance / relationship questions. It's definitely not ace or aro friendly. There were a few other questions on the list and I found one I could provide an answer for.

 

#AsexualProblems #AromanticProblems

 

[nerdperson777]

10 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Enh, my family is far from traditional, so marriage was never a concern.  Because of that, I haven't had to worry about being pressured into getting into a relationship or anything like that.  My family seems to be one of those where everyone tries not to interfere in everyone else's lives.

 

I meant morbid curiosity in the sense that it's not necessarily something that I'd want to know, even if I have a pretty good idea what it'd be, but my sense of curiosity ignores all that and demands to look to 'know for sure'.

 

For example: on one chat my friends and I used to use, linked images didn't show unless you clicked the link, and ocassionally there'd be times where they kept posting links for pics of 'hot' guys (considering how my circle of friends is mostly attracted to men, it's not surprising)- usually pics that were pretty NSFW, or close to it.  I'd have a pretty good idea of what the links would be during those moments, but I'd click the links anyway to satisfy that 'need to know for sure' feeling I'd get.

 

Not exactly fun having morbid curiosity...

I would say my mom's side isn't traditional while my dad's side is.  Women on my mom's side had quite a bit of power so my mom isn't really one who would accept being inferior to a man.  My grandparents had a family business and my grandmother ran it, while my grandfather just didn't want to deal with the responsibility.  Meanwhile on my dad's side, I heard that my uncle uses my aunt to "relieve" himself.  My aunt told this to my mom as a secret but I was told about this.  She did ask my mom, as she was surprised, doesn't my dad have "needs"?  My dad probably did needs but my mom was strict on not being the person for that.  The way my mom told me, my uncle probably guilted her into letting him do it to her, because it's her responsibility as a wife to please her man, in these kinds of families.

 

Yeah, once I was in a trans chatroom and there were a bunch of links that someone posted and I just clicked on them, thinking they were just one of the admin's cat.  I didn't read a few of the messages that went on with the links and I ended up looking at some trans teenage girl's electrolysis for bottom surgery so I got some images that I wasn't prepared for.

[frodobelle]

Worrying that your husband might get jealous of your relationship with your cat (unfounded worries, he assures me, Soubhz is Baws)... Also, realizing mid-nuzzle that your husband might appreciate this kind of affection, so you end up with this strange routine where you try the affectionate gesture you just shared with your cat on your husband and hope he doesn't notice you did it to the cat first.

 

Despite being all of five feet away...

 

I am not stealthy, but it doesn't seem to be a problem.

[confusedbat]

When you're feeling a new song and the chorus ends up being about sex. 🙃

[Wap]

On 7/16/2019 at 6:40 PM, KeyKey said:

When your parents have been holding on to a cake topper for decades for when their daughter gets married.

Wow that's intense! I'm sure they have tried to influence your friends or family members to pursuade you to meet someone or set you up with someone🤔

[KeyKey]

23 minutes ago, Wap said:

Wow that's intense! I'm sure they have tried to influence your friends or family members to pursuade you to meet someone or set you up with someone🤔

You have no idea. One time my parents rushed out of their house to interrupt a crane operator who was working on a neighbor’s property to tell him they have a single daughter.

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, KeyKey said:

You have no idea. One time my parents rushed out of their house to interrupt a crane operator who was working on a neighbor’s property to tell him they have a single daughter.

Dang.  I'm glad my parents aren't constantly pressuring me.  The weirdest thing I can think of that my parents interrupted is that I was in the bathroom with the door locked and my mom unlocked it with a key to barge in and tell me that she was right about something.

[Skycaptain]

1 hour ago, KeyKey said:

You have no idea. One time my parents rushed out of their house to interrupt a crane operator who was working on a neighbor’s property to tell him they have a single daughter.

WTF?? 

 

Shocked 

[Laplace]

4 hours ago, KeyKey said:

You have no idea. One time my parents rushed out of their house to interrupt a crane operator who was working on a neighbor’s property to tell him they have a single daughter.

.....Wow. Just wow. 😦

 

At this point I don’t think I could even start a relationship if I wanted to. I have no idea how they work, and I really can’t imagine myself in one. It’s just alien to me. Just thinking about me trying to be all sentimental and stuff makes me throw up a bit in my mouth 🤢.

[Zectarash]

8 hours ago, KeyKey said:

You have no idea. One time my parents rushed out of their house to interrupt a crane operator who was working on a neighbor’s property to tell him they have a single daughter.

Uh... seriously? Did they hope he was single, assume it, or...?

 

As for the cake topper, you could use it for your coming out party! 😉

[frodobelle]

There was a grandmotherly restaurant owner at the bed and breakfast we stayed at this one time for my parents' college reunion, who kept trying to set me up with her rather attractive waiter grandson all through dinner.

 

I remember being pretty baffled because first of all, I was unlikely to ever see him again, and secondly, he didn't appear to need the help. He wasn't ugly, he had the facial structure of those handsome marble young men you see at museums. His hair was clean and cut in a way that flattered his face. He was slender. He seemed nice enough, if a touch embarrassed.

 

Thirdly, she didn't know me or my family. What if I was scum? What if my family didn't tip well? That would've been a lot of wasted effort. Like, ahe actually told him in the least stealthy stage whisper of unstealthy stage whispers to write his number on my napkin. O.o

[naakka]

@frodobelle Sometimes I get a feeling people (especially older relatives or parents) like to set younger people up for their own pleasure. Like, the propabilities or reason don't matter, they just live their own feeling of crush again trough that scene. I say this because of most of the times I've seen older people set some young people up, they really didn't seem to want that, for one reason or another, but that was never recognized or it was ignored.

[rawersace]

- wanting to be sexually attracted to someone u find aesthetically attractive just to finally experience something

- loving romance as an outsider

- wanting a relationship but pushing everyone away because you don’t actually want one

- not knowing how to explain your sexual orientation to someone who is interested in you simply because you know they won’t understand 

- feeling like an outsider most of the time

- not understanding the appeal of rubbing genitals with one another

- not understanding why hetero men can’t just be friends with women

- getting tense over physical affection

[Zagadka]

Back 20 years ago when I was trying very hard to find attraction, I got to a point of making out with a girl I'd really liked as a friend for years, but never got beyond... second base? The thing with boobies. The incident came up after a very nice party where we snuggled and I literally just went home while she went to the bathroom to "change", and that ruined our friendship from that point onward. That was the last time I let sexuality get in the way of a friendship.

[PoeciMeta]

Last year in literature class, we had one theme for the whole year. It happened to be love - and the focus wasn't exactly on platonic and family love. The teacher was glad this was ''such an universally understandable theme'' and that we already knew a good deal from experience (wink, wink). Welp, joke's on me then.

[nerdperson777]

I think this is more of a aromantic problem.  I just walked into one of my work's second office earlier today and then one of my co-workers was walking to another, which I assumed to be to ask about something work-related, as that girl was the lead and most experienced out of their group.  After a moment of conversation, I realized that they were talking about romantic dramas like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.  So the first co-worker was gushing about the gossip and what happened.  As a flaming aro, these kind of shows do nothing for me.  I've even tried watching make out scenes and I'm just bored looking at it.  Can they do something else?  I also thought, I'm probably this way because my mom is so romance-repulsed, and always changes the channel during dinner if those bachelor shows, or Big Brother, come up.  But probably because I'm aro, I also see the lack of point to these shows.  One person (of a straight orientation) gets to publicly date a bunch of people (of the opposite binary sex) to find "the one".  I find the drama to be absolutely needless.  There's no way that anyone will get out without their feelings hurt.  Then there's only one winner, because they're monogamous.  Then I guess as queer, I'm already used to non-cishet, non-binary people with polyamory.  I just find all this drama too much.  Why have drama?  The first co-worker said that those shows let people know that they can all find love.  Internally I'm just, ugh no thanks.  Love isn't a universal thing.  But I guess some ace and/or aro people might like watching these things, while not engaging in it themselves.

[KeyKey]

4 hours ago, Zectarash said:

Uh... seriously? Did they hope he was single, assume it, or...?

 

As for the cake topper, you could use it for your coming out party! 😉

Lol I love your cake topper idea! There are asexual coming out parties?!

 

To answer your question, they were hoping he was single. He told them he wasn’t. It was embarrassing but at least it was a one day construction job for him and he never had to come back.

[Bio 7]

10 hours ago, Laplace said:

.....Wow. Just wow. 😦

 

At this point I don’t think I could even start a relationship if I wanted to. I have no idea how they work, and I really can’t imagine myself in one. It’s just alien to me. Just thinking about me trying to be all sentimental and stuff makes me throw up a bit in my mouth 🤢.

I’ve done romances in games many times and never in real life, so I can’t imagine myself in a normal relationship at all, nor any others.

 

I was going to make more of a point but I can’t remember now.

[Bio 7]

5 minutes ago, Bio 7 said:

I’ve done romances in games many times and never in real life, so I can’t imagine myself in a normal relationship at all, nor any others.

 

I was going to make more of a point but I can’t remember now.

I can only imagine myself being in a relationship in a fictional setting.

Powerful force user (Star Wars), biotic “god” (Mass Effect), powerful mage (Witcher world).

 

In a mundane life it just doesn’t feel right.