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Anonymous Axolotl
2 hours ago, Destan said:

I think the generalization comes from the fact that the majority is okay with it. Like how big is the chance to come across a person who dislikes getting touched? Rarely.

In my opinion, you and your friends aren't strange. It seems you people make sure that you don't make each other uncomfortable. In contrary, I wish that some of my friends did that when we first met. They kept trying to hug and poke me even when I made it obvious I disliked getting touched.

That's a good point. I think there's also a cultural aspect to it since in some countries and cultures, touching others is a big deal even if you don't know them super well, but then there are also some where it's seen as very disrespectful. When there are people from clashing cultural backgrounds or countries, the whole boundaries issue regarding touching can get pretty awkward. With regards to my friends and I, one is touch averse due to past trauma and another has just always been uncomfortable with physical contact.

I'm sorry to hear about your friends not respecting your discomfort when first meeting. I hope since then things have gotten better and you've set boundaries now.

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7 hours ago, Destan said:

I've never heard of that before and neither do I have red hair.

However, I've black straight hair and people liked to try touching my hair because it's natural straight so I kinda know the feeling.

I'm glad no one has asked for the last 5-6 years. It's actually not even asking in my opinion, people give a compliment and just go straight for the touch.

I think it's weird how (some) people think that touching someone else their hair is a normal thing to do with or without need for permission first. 

I have a friend who has very long hair that is somewhere in the blondish persuasion, kind of wavy, and she and her husband tell every one she meets that under no circumstances should they ever even think about touching her hair. I think touching and having opinions about women's hair (esp. length) is just a thing in western culture.

 

There's another really bizarre thing about being a redhead: people assume you are identical to every other redhead. My boss happens to also be a redhead, and although we spend a lot of time together, we spend that time at work, in an office that isn't open to the public. She's a manager and I'm a supervisor, so we very rarely leave the office at the same time, but last week we were going to lunch at the same time and since there is a dearth of options nearby we decided to ride together to subway (like seriously, the other options are KFC, Taco Bell, gas station fried chicken, and McDonald's). The counter person at Subway asked if we were twins (!) and my boss was floored. Apparently she's never gone anywhere with another redhead who isn't a relative before, but I've worked with people who died their hair burgundy with Italian (olive) skin coloring and gotten questions about us being sisters so I was not surprised. 

 

To the redheads: have you ever been told you have to get married and have natural born children so you can pass on the hair color so it won't die out? So many logical fails you don't know where to begin plus not wanting to do any of that...

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7 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

It's weird how some people think touching others in general without permission is okay. I feel like it happens with hair more commonly (based on what I've heard, I haven't had it happen to me) but there are still cases where strangers or people someone barely knows will grab them by the arm to get their attention or pat them on the back or whatever. Maybe my friends and I are strange, but even amongst ourselves we always ask permission before touching one another in any way. The exception to that is hugs, but body language for "can we hug?" is pretty obvious.

I give people at least about a half an arm’s/one arm’s distance if I can cause I don’t want to be intrusive. I keep my hands to myself at all times too aside from engaging in niceties and greetings. People have to ask me or initiate most physical gestures for me to touch them.

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On 7/2/2019 at 3:16 AM, Laplace said:

I just feel like people get me here. IRL, I deliberately obscure some of my true feelings just so I can live in peace.

I really wish being on the Internet made me feel like this, but so far it hasn't entirely happened. I think part of it is that when I was in elementary school, I got a lot of "don't talk to strangers on the Internet!!!" warnings, which were of course reasonable for such a young kid, but I haven't learned to outgrow that properly even though I'm old enough now to take responsibility for myself online, not give out sensitive info, etc. Also I don't own a smartphone and am only allowed to use a computer for 2-3hrs/day, so my exposure is lower than average.

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4 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

That's a good point. I think there's also a cultural aspect to it since in some countries and cultures, touching others is a big deal even if you don't know them super well, but then there are also some where it's seen as very disrespectful. When there are people from clashing cultural backgrounds or countries, the whole boundaries issue regarding touching can get pretty awkward. With regards to my friends and I, one is touch averse due to past trauma and another has just always been uncomfortable with physical contact.

I'm sorry to hear about your friends not respecting your discomfort when first meeting. I hope since then things have gotten better and you've set boundaries now.

I live in that kind of country (Finland) :D You could be very good friends with someone for years and never touch them (the same goes for calling them by their name). I feel that somehow touching is a more formal thing here; when you meet someone first time and you have been introduced, you might shake hands (both men & women) or if you're leaving you might hug them (normally women only), for giving a good impression. Or if you haven't seen a friend for a long time, you might hug when you first meet again. But it's never necessary with a friend. Of course some people are more touchy-feely than others, but even these people often ask "should we hug" or something and don't just hug without permission. Well, maybe some young people would do things more spontaeously, I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I feel I'm touch-reversed even here; even formal shaking hands feels awkward, let alone hugging (especially because of hugging is often "a female thing" to do here, so I feel also a bit dysphoric).

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Anonymous Axolotl
2 minutes ago, naakka said:

I live in that kind of country (Finland) :D You could be very good friends with someone for years and never touch them (the same goes for calling them by their name). I feel that somehow touching is a more formal thing here; when you meet someone first time and you have been introduced to someone, you might shake hands (normally men) or hug (normally women), for giving a good impression. Or if you haven't seen a friend for a long time, you might hug when you first meet again. But it's never necessary, especially with a friend. Of course some people are more touchy-feely than others, but even these people often ask "should we hug" or something and don't just hug without permission. Well, maybe some young people would do things more spontaeously, I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I feel I'm touch-reversed even here; even formal shaking hands feels awkward, let alone hugging (especially because of hugging is often "a female thing" to do here, so I feel also a bit dysphoric).

4

That's pretty neat to know about Finland! With regards to your touch aversion and greetings being gendered, do you think some sort of unique/gender neutral greeting could be made? Such as some sort of more formal version of a high-five? It'd be brief contact, but it might not be considered formal enough since high-fives are really just seen as a casual thing most places that I'm aware of. Getting a new way to introduce yourself out there and making it more normal/socially acceptable would be difficult. And I don't know the cultural significance in Finland as it is, so maybe a high-five or something similar would be considered rude. It'd be nice if a gender-neutral greeting could be made at some point.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
On 7/2/2019 at 3:16 AM, Laplace said:

I just feel like people get me here. IRL, I deliberately obscure some of my true feelings just so I can live in peace.

Same.

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1 hour ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

That's pretty neat to know about Finland! With regards to your touch aversion and greetings being gendered, do you think some sort of unique/gender neutral greeting could be made? Such as some sort of more formal version of a high-five? It'd be brief contact, but it might not be considered formal enough since high-fives are really just seen as a casual thing most places that I'm aware of. Getting a new way to introduce yourself out there and making it more normal/socially acceptable would be difficult. And I don't know the cultural significance in Finland as it is, so maybe a high-five or something similar would be considered rude. It'd be nice if a gender-neutral greeting could be made at some point.

Oh, I already edited my comment afterwards, because of I realized it could be misinterpreted 😅 I meant, if anyone was expected to give a hug in a formal situation, it would be a woman. Men usually only shake hands, especially in formal situation, but that's also available for women. And indeed hug is more common in the end of the meeting, especially at an official one. I just kind of feel pressured to hug, if every woman in the group already hugs. Like, people would be prepared for my hug as well and it would gain attention if I shook hands instead. Probably it's mostly in my head only, but situations like these can be awkward 😅

 

Oh, and high five is a popular thing among kids when something cool happens  😃

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3 hours ago, Kiovenn said:

I really wish being on the Internet made me feel like this, but so far it hasn't entirely happened. I think part of it is that when I was in elementary school, I got a lot of "don't talk to strangers on the Internet!!!" warnings, which were of course reasonable for such a young kid, but I haven't learned to outgrow that properly even though I'm old enough now to take responsibility for myself online, not give out sensitive info, etc. Also I don't own a smartphone and am only allowed to use a computer for 2-3hrs/day, so my exposure is lower than average.

I just avoid giving out the really obviously important stuff like ID and bank related numbers. Name and age is fine sometimes for me, but nothing crucial. My personality is a bit more charismatic online cause I’m more articulate and open in text. My humor tends to hit here better too, mostly cause it’s stuff only fellow aces (or people who know about this stuff) get. Plus I think stuff just comes off as more genuine since I don’t have to adopt a more public-oriented persona.

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10 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

I'm sorry to hear about your friends not respecting your discomfort when first meeting. I hope since then things have gotten better and you've set boundaries now.

Most of them are actually not my friends anymore. They either left me for other people or school and/or I learned their true (bad) nature.

I now only have one friend of that circle left that didn't respect my discomfort at first. They and my other friend do respect my boundaries.

Back then, it took quite a long time for them to accept my discomfort. The first few months were rough, they thought I was just being a silly or didn't know how to hug people. For them, it was a contest who managed to hug me first. If one of them could pull it off, they got jealous of each other and I hated it.

One of them kept poking me until I played along to poke them back. I once got so pissed I grabbed their finger and demanded they would stop or I was ready to break it. It's strange how THEY got mad at me for not letting them to touch me while I was the one who is supposed to get mad.

 

I'm just like your other friend who has always been uncomfortable with physical contact. The only things that are okay for me are hands, shoulders or petting my head. Other then that are off limits.

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nerdperson777
21 hours ago, Destan said:

I've never heard of that before and neither do I have red hair.

However, I've black straight hair and people liked to try touching my hair because it's natural straight so I kinda know the feeling.

I'm glad no one has asked for the last 5-6 years. It's actually not even asking in my opinion, people give a compliment and just go straight for the touch.

I think it's weird how (some) people think that touching someone else their hair is a normal thing to do with or without need for permission first. 

My mom does that. I've stated my boundaries countless times, for my physical person, and my room. I would've thought she was actually respecting me, but she violates it whenever she feels like, which is once in a while. She doesn't ask before she grabs my clothes and smells it for sweat, when I'm wearing it. The only time she touches my hair is after I get a haircut, which is too short for her. That's when I hate it the most. My room is always a mess due to depression and she keeps thinking she's helping me by cleaning for me. No, I have no idea where anything is anymore. I know where things are better when the room is messy. She disrespected my boundary of not touching anything in my room. She says that I can always rearrange things, but she already did the damage. You can't reverse that.

 

So I would think her silence means compliance but it's just really waiting for when she'll touch something without asking. 

 

19 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

It's weird how some people think touching others in general without permission is okay. I feel like it happens with hair more commonly (based on what I've heard, I haven't had it happen to me) but there are still cases where strangers or people someone barely knows will grab them by the arm to get their attention or pat them on the back or whatever. Maybe my friends and I are strange, but even amongst ourselves we always ask permission before touching one another in any way. The exception to that is hugs, but body language for "can we hug?" is pretty obvious.

That's what my aunt does. She just likes grabbing people. I've started showing how I don't want to be touched instead of just taking it. I actually avoid her and my squirming and running away actually makes her want to go after me more. Her excuse was "but I like to!" You got the consent of the one who does the action but not the receiver, congratulations. Once we went to a restaurant and she recognized the waitress. She held on to her arm and didn't let go. 

 

Then I had a few dinners with a classmate and she clearly didn't see that I'm not a fan of touch. Maybe she's used to being touchy feely in her family and assumed everyone else was. But she grabbed my arm (in the tugging a boyfriend's arm way, but I wasn't out to her either). Perhaps also since she's not native to the area, she didn't get that you should assume most people don't like to be touched. 

 

11 hours ago, Kiovenn said:

I really wish being on the Internet made me feel like this, but so far it hasn't entirely happened. I think part of it is that when I was in elementary school, I got a lot of "don't talk to strangers on the Internet!!!" warnings, which were of course reasonable for such a young kid, but I haven't learned to outgrow that properly even though I'm old enough now to take responsibility for myself online, not give out sensitive info, etc. Also I don't own a smartphone and am only allowed to use a computer for 2-3hrs/day, so my exposure is lower than average.

My parents always tried to scare me with the horrors of online chatting. They kept saying that guys want to meet up with "girls like me" and do bad things to me. I grew up wanting to not be 14 because that was the age cited to me as the one people went after most. But they've only ever looked at the bad side to online things. Games were only bad. They rotted brains and didn't positively contribute to education. They also caused computer viruses. I'm said that we could sue game companies if that was the case. They didn't want to sue but still said games were bad. Now I see countless apps for learning so I felt so cheated. Now I've met at least three people I've met online. They were from chat rooms more than games. When I met the first time, I did wonder if something would happen to me. I did meet two people alone. But I was fine. I then met two more people from the same chat on different occasions. You can trust people you met online. I wonder what other lies they've told me. 

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Alawyn-Aebt
17 hours ago, firebird8 said:

To the redheads: have you ever been told you have to get married and have natural born children so you can pass on the hair color so it won't die out? So many logical fails you don't know where to begin plus not wanting to do any of that...

Never got that, but I am the only redhead in my family.

Anyways, they should know that while I am content with myself, it is possible for someone to get sunburnt after merely an hour on the beach -- regardless of how much sunscreen I put on or the fact that I wear normal cloths to the beach -- and that is not a very good trait to pass on.

---

Why is it (it seems) most men who are older than me seem to think that just because I am in college all I am interested in is dating?

Firstly, I have never dated anyone so it is rather presumptuous to assume I am interested in dating in the first place. Secondly, just because I am in conversation with a female does not mean I am interested in dating her. Thirdly, shut up, I do not want her overhearing and thinking my friendship with her has ulterior motives or that my friendship is only the first stage of something more.

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Talking about hugging: I have had friends say "can you give me a hug" or "come give me a hug" so it sounds like there is an opportunity to refuse, but there is a social expectation that you will comply, because if you don't, that is rude and they will ask why. Unfortunately, I have one friend who seems to forget after a few months that I don't want to be touched (maybe he thinks I will get over it?) and so it doesn't even help to tell him at a different moment that I'm not comfortable. Sigh.

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On 6/23/2019 at 5:32 PM, nerdperson777 said:

I read Wuthering Heights for one of my middle school English classes.  The teacher had us choose from a list of classics and I chose the one with the least pages, as I hate reading.  I then used the book again for a high school class so I didn't have to read a new book.  I think I liked it because my birth name was in the book and I had something to relate to.  But the best thing I've found from the book was in my college theatre class.  I was doing Heathcliff's monologue to the maid about how he hasn't been getting good sleep for the past 20+ years because he would hear sounds and think the ghost of the girl he liked was waiting for him, always tapping on his window.  But as I analyzed the story more, I say they're queerplatonic partners.  He never said anything about liking her romantically.  They grew up together and just liked to play around.  He then got jealous when she stopped being rowdy because of her time with the other family and married the son there.  He felt like he lost his best friend, especially after she died.  I read so many analyses saying that he was in love with her but I'm like nope, they're best of friends.

Yeah, I had to read this novel as well. The only thing for me that I was interested in was nothing about the relationships, but about how insane all the characters were. My conclusion was because of their seclusion to the majority of the outside world! :D

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21 hours ago, naakka said:

I live in that kind of country (Finland) :D You could be very good friends with someone for years and never touch them (the same goes for calling them by their name). I feel that somehow touching is a more formal thing here; when you meet someone first time and you have been introduced, you might shake hands (both men & women) or if you're leaving you might hug them (normally women only), for giving a good impression. Or if you haven't seen a friend for a long time, you might hug when you first meet again. But it's never necessary with a friend. Of course some people are more touchy-feely than others, but even these people often ask "should we hug" or something and don't just hug without permission. Well, maybe some young people would do things more spontaeously, I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I feel I'm touch-reversed even here; even formal shaking hands feels awkward, let alone hugging (especially because of hugging is often "a female thing" to do here, so I feel also a bit dysphoric).

Completely here you about the hugging part. The handshake thing is something I can tolerate (even though I find myself using hand sanitizer afterwards!). :D In seriousness, as long as I am not put in a position to hug, most greetings are alright.

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On 7/4/2019 at 12:18 AM, nerdperson777 said:

We've actually had this conversation in one of these threads before.  I saved it to share with a friend.  The names were taken out for remaining anonymous but I am the orange one.

https://imgur.com/uyfCdMc

 

I’ve always been partial to that analogy! I also love succulents, echeveria is my favorite. I didn’t know cactuses counted as succulents, I though they were their own thing 

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nerdperson777
22 hours ago, PittAce92 said:

Yeah, I had to read this novel as well. The only thing for me that I was interested in was nothing about the relationships, but about how insane all the characters were. My conclusion was because of their seclusion to the majority of the outside world! :D

I was a really factual person growing up so I think the story was interesting to me.  And then the family tree with dates was fascinating.  But actually seeing the romance, marriage, and childbirth, eh.

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
On 7/6/2019 at 12:42 AM, Anonymous Axolotl said:

That's pretty neat to know about Finland! With regards to your touch aversion and greetings being gendered, do you think some sort of unique/gender neutral greeting could be made? Such as some sort of more formal version of a high-five? It'd be brief contact, but it might not be considered formal enough since high-fives are really just seen as a casual thing most places that I'm aware of. Getting a new way to introduce yourself out there and making it more normal/socially acceptable would be difficult. And I don't know the cultural significance in Finland as it is, so maybe a high-five or something similar would be considered rude. It'd be nice if a gender-neutral greeting could be made at some point.

I somewhat feel like high-fives and fist bumps (even handshakes too) were kind of made to act as greetings with as little touch as possible.

  But I wouldn’t be mad if we made it even less touch-involved and started using finger guns or something along those lines as a form of non-verbal greeting. 😅

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when you tell your friends that you're asexual and they're chill and accepting about it but then ask what it means because this is the first time they've heard of this term... #weneedmoreawareness

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On 7/6/2019 at 11:39 AM, Aebt said:

Why is it (it seems) most men who are older than me seem to think that just because I am in college all I am interested in is dating?

Firstly, I have never dated anyone so it is rather presumptuous to assume I am interested in dating in the first place. Secondly, just because I am in conversation with a female does not mean I am interested in dating her. Thirdly, shut up, I do not want her overhearing and thinking my friendship with her has ulterior motives or that my friendship is only the first stage of something more.

This. Like, some people have zero tact and need to learn when to STFU. I swear some people deliberately sabotage friendly interactions. It’s like they have never even entertained the notion that people could be friends or that a man has no ulterior sexual motives 🤦🏻‍♂️. People took it completely the wrong way when I used to offer help to people in college, too. No I’m not looking for romantic/sexual favors and I’m not trying to impress anyone. I just feel like helping cause I can.

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When are your friends are sitting around talking about their bfs and romance and you're just sitting there like, "uhhhhhh???" and have nothing to contribute ha... ha...

I feel so left out recently 😩 I just do not enjoy romance/sex like everyone else does, and even though I respect everyone's choices and decisions I can't understand how people fall in love with one another and do all this stuff oof.

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2 hours ago, Strifed said:

When are your friends are sitting around talking about their bfs and romance and you're just sitting there like, "uhhhhhh???" and have nothing to contribute ha... ha...

I feel so left out recently 😩 I just do not enjoy romance/sex like everyone else does, and even though I respect everyone's choices and decisions I can't understand how people fall in love with one another and do all this stuff oof.

Imagine the same scenario except everyone has their BF physically with them and you get me on my family trip about a week ago. Some big oofs there even though it was largely fun. Everyone is getting all doe-eyed at each other, and I’m just like, “Don’t mind me, just the lone guy who doesn’t date here. Keep doing your couple stuff. At least this dog and these wild chickens will keep me company for a bit. 😇😕” Plus, all my cousins are getting married too, and everyone’s like, “So.....when are you gonna bring some girl home 😏.” I’m just like, “Soooooo you do realize I’ve never ever talked about dating or romance with you guys right?”

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7 hours ago, Laplace said:

Imagine the same scenario except everyone has their BF physically with them and you get me on my family trip about a week ago. Some big oofs there even though it was largely fun. Everyone is getting all doe-eyed at each other, and I’m just like, “Don’t mind me, just the lone guy who doesn’t date here. Keep doing your couple stuff. At least this dog and these wild chickens will keep me company for a bit. 😇😕” Plus, all my cousins are getting married too, and everyone’s like, “So.....when are you gonna bring some girl home 😏.” I’m just like, “Soooooo you do realize I’ve never ever talked about dating or romance with you guys right?”

WILD CHICKENS!! haha. Yeah that part is so weird, about randomly bringing someone home? My mom thinks I'm magically going to bring some dude home and it's so strange. I'll admit I brought up dating to her in middle school because "all the other kids" were doing it, but I'm so old now and I'm the complete opposite lol. And both my parents are so religious I can not explain asexuality and aesthetic attraction to them. I've told my mom several times I don't care about dating but she's off in her own little world honestly. Idk what my dad thinks, I've never spoken to him about men or anything, but he has this religious, silly mindset that every woman needs a man and lmao no. I do not, and don't you dare try and start finding guys for me because I'll just refuse to meet them 😒 like yeah, that is a potential for another friend, but I feel like once people find you attractive they want you on another level that you could never give and it creeps me out (In my experience. I keep hearing about guys and girls being able to be friends, but it's never worked for me honestly.). I just hope they never start doing that crap because it disturbs me honestly. 

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1 hour ago, Strifed said:

WILD CHICKENS!! haha. Yeah that part is so weird, about randomly bringing someone home? My mom thinks I'm magically going to bring some dude home and it's so strange. I'll admit I brought up dating to her in middle school because "all the other kids" were doing it, but I'm so old now and I'm the complete opposite lol. And both my parents are so religious I can not explain asexuality and aesthetic attraction to them. I've told my mom several times I don't care about dating but she's off in her own little world honestly. Idk what my dad thinks, I've never spoken to him about men or anything, but he has this religious, silly mindset that every woman needs a man and lmao no. I do not, and don't you dare try and start finding guys for me because I'll just refuse to meet them 😒 like yeah, that is a potential for another friend, but I feel like once people find you attractive they want you on another level that you could never give and it creeps me out (In my experience. I keep hearing about guys and girls being able to be friends, but it's never worked for me honestly.). I just hope they never start doing that crap because it disturbs me honestly. 

Yeah four chickens were following me at one point 😆. I wish I could post a picture more easily cause I have an close-up photo of 4 chickens milling around.

 

Many of my relatives on my dad’s side are largely really religious and aren’t super respectful of non-hetero people. I’m one of the oldest and among the last men in my family (in the family that I see regularly, my bro and my kid cousin are the only other guys in the younger generation) so there’s an added significance to me marrying and having kids. Asians are big on passing down the family name 😐.

 

I’ve been friends with women temporarily but it’s never really worked out long-term. My interests and hobbies were always way different, and I’m pretty sure some wanted a different kind of relationship than I could offer.

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I think I might have been accused of being homophobic because I said in passing I thought the relationship between the two main characters on the show Good Omens were in a queerplantonic relationship.  As far as I was concerned, it was a casual remark.

 

This person later went into a rant  on their blog about how thinking those two characters were ACE was LGBT erasure and anyone who did that was homophobic!

 

I had to laugh. That person might be all of  fifteen for all I know. I'm not going to respond, but I might post some pictures of my bisexual niece's wedding to her long time girlfriend, or something.

 

 

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AmazingGrAce

When talk turns to celebrity crushes and you sit there thinking 'I can't really engage with any of this'. 

 

#AsexualProblems

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Anonymous Axolotl

tweeted

2 hours ago, starweb said:

I think I might have been accused of being homophobic because I said in passing I thought the relationship between the two main characters on the show Good Omens were in a queerplantonic relationship.  As far as I was concerned, it was a casual remark.

 

This person later went into a rant  on their blog about how thinking those two characters were ACE was LGBT erasure and anyone who did that was homophobic!

 

I had to laugh. That person might be all of  fifteen for all I know. I'm not going to respond, but I might post some pictures of my bisexual niece's wedding to her long time girlfriend, or something.

 

 

My interpretation is that they're also in a QPR and also ace, but that's just how I see it.  Heck, even Neil Gaiman tweeted and expressed on his tumblr that it's up to the individual to decide on how to interpret their relationship and orientations, but they still have some form of love. That can be queerplatonic love, homoromantic love, etc. There's no "canon" way to define it, so someone claiming homophobia for someone else's interpretation really is laughable. I guess they'd be the type of person to state their opinion as fact.

 

I really wonder how posting pictures of your bisexual neice's wedding would go over with them. 😂

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When friends/colleagues are super enthusiastic talking about men in uniform & expecting me to respond in kind...but I don't. I am suddenly incredibly interested in my cup of tea. 😅

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Fantastic Name
6 hours ago, starweb said:

This person later went into a rant  on their blog about how thinking those two characters were ACE was LGBT erasure and anyone who did that was homophobic!

Slightly off-topic, but I think it's hilarious how ace exclusionists don't realize that excluding from us for not being "oppressed enough" is literally just oppression.

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nerdperson777
12 hours ago, Strifed said:

WILD CHICKENS!! haha. Yeah that part is so weird, about randomly bringing someone home? My mom thinks I'm magically going to bring some dude home and it's so strange. I'll admit I brought up dating to her in middle school because "all the other kids" were doing it, but I'm so old now and I'm the complete opposite lol. And both my parents are so religious I can not explain asexuality and aesthetic attraction to them. I've told my mom several times I don't care about dating but she's off in her own little world honestly. Idk what my dad thinks, I've never spoken to him about men or anything, but he has this religious, silly mindset that every woman needs a man and lmao no. I do not, and don't you dare try and start finding guys for me because I'll just refuse to meet them 😒 like yeah, that is a potential for another friend, but I feel like once people find you attractive they want you on another level that you could never give and it creeps me out (In my experience. I keep hearing about guys and girls being able to be friends, but it's never worked for me honestly.). I just hope they never start doing that crap because it disturbs me honestly. 

During my earlier days in the community, I had decided to go to an LGBT+ convention.  My dad joked that I was going to come home with a girlfriend.  For one thing, he paid no heed that I have never expressed any interest in a relationship.  Second, he misgendered me to make a homophobic joke.  He has once even told me as a "female" engineering student, I had to flirt with the male students to get them to help me get a better grade.  I neither ended up as female or an engineer but I probably couldn't flirt even if my life depended on it.

 

Then I have a problem that is not necessarily about being ace or aro but I do have issues with connecting with others.  I'm probably going to be called cold by my family soon.  My first adult aunt just died yesterday.  (I say adult because one did die at 6 months old.)  I didn't know her all that well.  I just met her a few times.  She would be mentioned when we try to name all the siblings.  My relatives are now mourning but I'm not sure how to mourn someone that I hardly know?  Even when my last grandmother died, I thought I wasting my time at the funeral just sitting or standing around.  I probably have no feelings towards family because of my bad experience.  I care more about people who treat me nicely than someone I'm supposedly related to.  I talked about this with someone who said that I'm neutral about death, although when a friend died, I did feel it.  I knew that friend way better than a relative I hardly talked to.  Just because I don't feel sad about this, I'll probably be seen as heartless.  I never think about this woman even once every few years.  My mom and other aunts and uncles grew up with her, okay I see that, but I didn't.  Even when my dog died a few years ago, my dad decided for me that I was too sad to go to my scheduled activities when I wasn't.  Just because that's what I'm supposed to feel, doesn't mean I feel it.

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