#AsexualProblems

[Laplace]

I’m sad 😞. I’m in Hilo, Hawaii and we just so happened to visit on the day of a pride parade. I saw a little bit of ace representation and stuff so I was happy, but I couldn’t say anything cause all my relatives were there and some are religious and/or anti-LGBT+. So if there were any aces there who saw an Asian dude with and orange drawstring backpack there, a stealthy Internet “hello” to you. 👋🤐

[Anonymous Axolotl]

16 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I’m sad 😞. I’m in Hilo, Hawaii and we just so happened to visit on the day of a pride parade. I saw a little bit of ace representation and stuff so I was happy, but I couldn’t say anything cause all my relatives were there and some are religious and/or anti-LGBT+. So if there were any aces there who saw an Asian dude with and orange drawstring backpack there, a stealthy Internet “hello” to you. 👋🤐

I have family on the Kona side and I've been considering going to a parade (don't know if there are any on the Kona side, but I wouldn't mind the drive to Hilo) if I happen to visit during Pride month next year. It's wonderful to hear that there was at least a bit of ace representation! I'm sorry about your relatives making it uncomfortable/awkward, though.

[Laplace]

I’ve never heard of that red hair superstition thing before. That’s gotta be super annoying though 😐; it’d be like having St. Patrick’s Day everyday except people would run their hands over your head versus pinching you 🤢. It is a unique, nice hair color though. It is really fetishized though cause it is so distinctive 😫.

[Zagadka]

People seem to have weird reactions to red hair, either positively or negatively. And it is such a thing to stand out that can't really be hidden.

[Comrade F&F]

People actually do that to redheads? Jeez, that's awful.

[Skycaptain]

Yup, there is a  "Touching a redhead's hair" superstition 

 

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-a-total-stranger-comes-up-to-you-and-wants-to-touch-your-hair-because-its-red-and-long-What-would-you-do

[Anonymous Axolotl]

Just now, Skycaptain said:

Yup, there is a  "Touching a redhead's hair" superstition 

 

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-a-total-stranger-comes-up-to-you-and-wants-to-touch-your-hair-because-its-red-and-long-What-would-you-do

Seriously? I'm going to have to ask my very redheaded (and incredibly freckled), friend if people have ever asked or attempted to pat her head

[firebird8]

18 hours ago, Laplace said:

I’ve never heard of that red hair superstition thing before. That’s gotta be super annoying though 😐; it’d be like having St. Patrick’s Day everyday except people would run their hands over your head versus pinching you 🤢. It is a unique, nice hair color though. It is really fetishized though cause it is so distinctive 😫.

I only ever heard of it once, when someone was trying to touch me without permission. But yes, people touch my hair more than is usually acceptable. I know it's nothing compared to what black women go through and it helps me empathize with that. 

[Liana]

On 6/27/2019 at 9:56 AM, Aebt said:

Kind of an Asexual problem, kind of a problem of being red-haired.

 

I was told, completely randomly by someone I work with, that I am "probably great in bed". I do not know if it should have been a compliment or not but either way that was an uncomfortable situation.

Never heard that before myself, but I guess that’s another thing to look out for in the future...

[Liana]

9 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Yup, there is a  "Touching a redhead's hair" superstition 

 

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-a-total-stranger-comes-up-to-you-and-wants-to-touch-your-hair-because-its-red-and-long-What-would-you-do

I haven’t had anyone ask me if they could touch my hair since I was in elementary school.

[Laplace]

When your relatives tell you when you’re tired that you’ll get used to being fatigued when you’re married and have kids. I’m just like, “Why do you think I don’t date or form romantic relationships? Also, can I quote you the next time you ask why I don’t have a GF or desire kids? Thanks. 🙃”

[J.CAce]

My parents fear the internet like the plague.

but I have never felt more at home then on AVEN. 

I fear that if my parents find this account I will lose this support. 

I dont have any Ace friends and my LGBT friend believe asexual aren't part of the community, so thats fun. 

[firebird8]

28 minutes ago, J.CAce said:

My parents fear the internet like the plague.

but I have never felt more at home then on AVEN. 

I fear that if my parents find this account I will lose this support. 

I dont have any Ace friends and my LGBT friend believe asexual aren't part of the community, so thats fun. 

I'm sorry to hear that. I also found the internet connected me to like minded communities in a new way when I found it in my twenties. 

[naakka]

7 hours ago, J.CAce said:

My parents fear the internet like the plague.

but I have never felt more at home then on AVEN. 

I fear that if my parents find this account I will lose this support. 

I dont have any Ace friends and my LGBT friend believe asexual aren't part of the community, so thats fun. 

I also feel very much at home here. It feels like everyone is so like-minded that sometimes after spendimg time here I doubt if I'm all that different after all. Then I go out and meet people irl and realize no, it was just the ace sanctuary  honestly I've never before coming to AVEN felt like I could be 100% myself and didn't have to pretend anything.

 

I wish your parents will learn a thing or two. Or if they don't, I wish you'll find support somewhere else also irl.

[Laplace]

I just feel like people get me here. IRL, I deliberately obscure some of my true feelings just so I can live in peace. I play nice with relatives, follow orders, and generally just act slightly less intelligent so people don’t get on my case all the time for being different. Here, no one cares if I’m dense, have no interest in pursuing a relationship, and have no intentions of having kids. Heck, I dare say I’m even somewhat well-known now here. My parents think that I have to go out and meet people all the time, like I’m still an isolated teenager. This site and my really basic job have proven that I can be myself most of the time and still be welcome.

[Snao Cone]

I can have more interesting conversations here of all kinds. In person there seems to be too much of a focus on talking about life and family and stuff. I like to keep different worlds separate. That's why I don't mention a lot of my friends or family or coworkers to any of the other groups. I certainly don't actively talk about AVEN. People I work with still can't wrap their heads around relating to people far away.

[rev_]

Not sure if it is just me that has heard this from people but being asked, "How do you know you're sex-repulsed if you've never done it?" is getting harder each time. I honestly don't know how to answer other than to say, "I just know" but seems like that isn't enough most of the times. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

7 minutes ago, Revathy Rajan said:

Not sure if it is just me that has heard this from people but being asked, "How do you know you're sex-repulsed if you've never done it?" is getting harder each time. I honestly don't know how to answer other than to say, "I just know" but seems like that isn't enough most of the times. 

"How do you know you wouldn't like a cactus up your rectum until you've tried it?"

[Skeletonducky]

1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

"How do you know you wouldn't like a cactus up your rectum until you've tried it?"

When life gives you stupid people; make sarcastic retorts 😊

[Anonymous Axolotl]

7 minutes ago, Revathy Rajan said:

Not sure if it is just me that has heard this from people but being asked, "How do you know you're sex-repulsed if you've never done it?" is getting harder each time. I honestly don't know how to answer other than to say, "I just know" but seems like that isn't enough most of the times. 

I’m not sure if this would be a good response/rebuttal in any way (or if it’d just come off as really weird), but maybe you can say something along the lines of, “well, how do you know that you won’t like sex with your sibling(s) and/or parent(s) if you haven’t tried it?” Incest is something pretty much all people have an automatic “ew, gross!” response to, so maybe it’d get your message across? You could then elaborate and say, "Yeah, that's how I feel about the idea of having sex with anyone."

[firebird8]

I almost feel like we should be able to parlay the language of consent into the "how do you know?" question. Like I don't have to try it if I don't want to and I don't have to keep answering your questions if I don't want to. Maybe, "I don't want to try it, and it's my body, my choice, so that's all that matters." 

[nerdperson777]

On 7/2/2019 at 10:08 AM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

"How do you know you wouldn't like a cactus up your rectum until you've tried it?"

We've actually had this conversation in one of these threads before.  I saved it to share with a friend.  The names were taken out for remaining anonymous but I am the orange one.

https://imgur.com/uyfCdMc

 

[Audrey03]

On 7/2/2019 at 1:00 PM, Revathy Rajan said:

Not sure if it is just me that has heard this from people but being asked, "How do you know you're sex-repulsed if you've never done it?" is getting harder each time. I honestly don't know how to answer other than to say, "I just know" but seems like that isn't enough most of the times. 

 

On 7/2/2019 at 1:08 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

"How do you know you wouldn't like a cactus up your rectum until you've tried it?"

holy fuck thats actually a great response to that question that i will DEFINITELY use if/when needed 😂

 

On 7/2/2019 at 1:11 PM, Skeletonducky said:

When life gives you stupid people; make sarcastic retorts 😊

i completely agree 😊😂

[rev_]

On 7/2/2019 at 1:08 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

"How do you know you wouldn't like a cactus up your rectum until you've tried it?"

This is the BEST response ever and honestly, I may or may not start using this every single time. 😂

 

On 7/2/2019 at 1:12 PM, Anonymous Axolotl said:

I’m not sure if this would be a good response/rebuttal in any way (or if it’d just come off as really weird), but maybe you can say something along the lines of, “well, how do you know that you won’t like sex with your sibling(s) and/or parent(s) if you haven’t tried it?” Incest is something pretty much all people have an automatic “ew, gross!” response to, so maybe it’d get your message across? You could then elaborate and say, "Yeah, that's how I feel about the idea of having sex with anyone."

This might work too, wow. Never thought of it that way, thank you.  I mean, it's a fair comparison in my books. 

 

On 7/2/2019 at 9:31 PM, firebird8 said:

I almost feel like we should be able to parlay the language of consent into the "how do you know?" question. Like I don't have to try it if I don't want to and I don't have to keep answering your questions if I don't want to. Maybe, "I don't want to try it, and it's my body, my choice, so that's all that matters." 

Yes! I often think this too, but never felt I could say it because it never truly stops the questions, you know? But you're right, the concept of consent is worth bringing up here. 

[Intybus]

On 5/15/2019 at 6:23 AM, dee615 said:

The mechanics of sex still baffle me. And I'll be 56 next month. ( Still a virgin and 100% ok with it. )

I'm pretty fascinated by it as well. As someone who isn't completely sex repulsed i find my self talking and asking about it almost more than my allo friends,  just out of curiosity. However, i have no intention whatsoever to even want to experience any of it myself, so i get what you mean...

[Destan]

On 6/30/2019 at 9:51 AM, Skycaptain said:

Yup, there is a  "Touching a redhead's hair" superstition 

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-a-total-stranger-comes-up-to-you-and-wants-to-touch-your-hair-because-its-red-and-long-What-would-you-do

I've never heard of that before and neither do I have red hair.

However, I've black straight hair and people liked to try touching my hair because it's natural straight so I kinda know the feeling.

I'm glad no one has asked for the last 5-6 years. It's actually not even asking in my opinion, people give a compliment and just go straight for the touch.

I think it's weird how (some) people think that touching someone else their hair is a normal thing to do with or without need for permission first. 

[Anonymous Axolotl]

1 hour ago, Destan said:

I think it's weird how (some) people think that touching someone else their hair is a normal thing to do with or without need for permission first. 

It's weird how some people think touching others in general without permission is okay. I feel like it happens with hair more commonly (based on what I've heard, I haven't had it happen to me) but there are still cases where strangers or people someone barely knows will grab them by the arm to get their attention or pat them on the back or whatever. Maybe my friends and I are strange, but even amongst ourselves we always ask permission before touching one another in any way. The exception to that is hugs, but body language for "can we hug?" is pretty obvious.

[Wraithe]

Me: “I’m never having sex it’s gross.”

Parents: “But you have a boyfriend. What happens if you get married? We want grandchildren!”

[Fantastic Name]

On 6/30/2019 at 3:51 AM, Skycaptain said:

Yup, there is a  "Touching a redhead's hair" superstition 

 

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-a-total-stranger-comes-up-to-you-and-wants-to-touch-your-hair-because-its-red-and-long-What-would-you-do

How do people even come up with this stuff, and why? It's just creepy.

[Destan]

1 hour ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

It's weird how some people think touching others in general without permission is okay. I feel like it happens with hair more commonly (based on what I've heard, I haven't had it happen to me) but there are still cases where strangers or people someone barely knows will grab them by the arm to get their attention or pat them on the back or whatever. Maybe my friends and I are strange, but even amongst ourselves we always ask permission before touching one another in any way. The exception to that is hugs, but body language for "can we hug?" is pretty obvious.

I think the generalization comes from the fact that the majority is okay with it. Like how big is the chance to come across a person who dislikes getting touched? Rarely.

In my opinion, you and your friends aren't strange. It seems you people make sure that you don't make each other uncomfortable. In contrary, I wish that some of my friends did that when we first met. They kept trying to hug and poke me even when I made it obvious I disliked getting touched.