#AsexualProblems

[Anonymous Axolotl]

My list of #asexualproblems

1. Not knowing how to respond when a friend tells you “I lost my virginity.”
2. There being “straight," “gay," “lesbian," and “bi" options but no “asexual" or "prefer not to answer" options when taking an online quiz or survey. ._.
3. People assuming I’m some sort of highly religious person because I’m “abstaining” from sexual and romantic relationships.
4. Hanging out with a friend and her SO, the latter of who was describing an orgy he walked in on at a church camp where he was a counselor and they’re both expecting you to want to know the details.
5. Wanting to have friends of the opposite sex but not be expected to form romantic and/or sexual relationships with them.
6. When you’re playing Cards Against Humanity and choose something you find hilarious that has no sexual connotations while some people glare at you and say “why didn’t you go with [extremely sexual thing] since it’s way better than what you chose?”
7. Being invited to hang out with a friend you haven’t seen in almost a year for some one-on-one catching up, only to end up talking with one another for a grand total of about five minutes before her SO comes home from work. They proceed to be glued to each other for the entire remaining time you’re there, despite the fact that they live together and get to act intimate whenever they want.

 

Edit: added more

1. Staring at a stranger from an artistic perspective (i.e., they have very beautiful anatomy; I want to draw that body type) but friends/people around you commenting to you on how you're undressing them in your mind.
2. Shipping characters purely for QPR or romantic relationships (but never sexual reasons) based on canonical interactions and other people talking about how characters X and Y, who don't even know the other exists, should be having a ton of sex for the sole reason that "it'd be soooo hot."

Edited June 26, 2019 by Anonymous Axolotl
Added more points

[Bronztrooper]

33 minutes ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

Wanting to have friends of the opposite sex but not be expected to form romantic and/or sexual relationships with them.

I've never had any issues with that, but then, it's probably easier for a guy/male-presenting person to do that than for women/female-presenting people (because straight guys have a habit of expecting too much from very little).

 

38 minutes ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

Shipping characters purely for QPR or romantic relationships (but never sexual reasons) based on canonical interactions and other people talking about how characters X and Y, who don't even know the other exists, should be having a ton of sex for the sole reason that "it'd be soooo hot."

Same.  Even worse when the 2 characters actually know of and hate each other 🙄

[Anonymous Axolotl]

38 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

I've never had any issues with that, but then, it's probably easier for a guy/male-presenting person to do that than for women/female-presenting people (because straight guys have a habit of expecting too much from very little).

 

Same.  Even worse when the 2 characters actually know of and hate each other 🙄

That’s a valid take on it.

 

Gah! Exactly! When romantic and/or sexual people ship characters that hate each other and/or actively harm or try to harm one another, it legitimately makes me concerned for their own romantic/sexual relationships. If they find that sort of thing attractive in media, there’s a possibility that they’re fine with it in the real world, which means they could be in some form of a toxic/manipulative relationship and not realize it. I know that liking something in fiction doesn’t always equate to enjoying it in reality, but I still can’t help but be concerned about the possibility.

[Laplace]

7 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

Gah! Exactly! When romantic and/or sexual people ship characters that hate each other and/or actively harm or try to harm one another, it legitimately makes me concerned for their own romantic/sexual relationships. If they find that sort of thing attractive in media, there’s a possibility that they’re fine with it in the real world, which means they could be in some form of a toxic/manipulative relationship and not realize it. I know that liking something in fiction doesn’t always equate to enjoying it in reality, but I still can’t help but be concerned about the possibility.

I never understood romanticized abuse 😕. It seems so pervasive now in fiction I’m mean just look how popular yanderes, modern day pseudo-tsunderes (a.k.a. physical abusers w/ anger management issues), psychopaths (people excusing and defending characters who are nutters cause they’re “cute/hot” and “misunderstood”), “BDSM” a la 50 Shades, emotionally troubled/distant men, relationships with severe power imbalances, etc. I’m just like, “Is this really what people fantasize about? 🤨” If I wanted a relationship, I’d just like a quiet life with no fighting that’s healthy and free of drama.

[Anonymous Axolotl]

46 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I never understood romanticized abuse 😕. It seems so pervasive now in fiction I’m mean just look how popular yanderes, modern day pseudo-tsunderes (a.k.a. physical abusers w/ anger management issues), psychopaths (people excusing and defending characters who are nutters cause they’re “cute/hot” and “misunderstood”), “BDSM” a la 50 Shades, emotionally troubled/distant men, relationships with severe power imbalances, etc. I’m just like, “Is this really what people fantasize about? 🤨” If I wanted a relationship, I’d just like a quiet life with no fighting that’s healthy and free of drama.

Yeah, I haven't been able to figure it out either. I do appreciate it when the media does show those sorts of people because yes, they are real and out there and that needs to be known. However, the way they're almost always handled glorifies their behavior rather than condemning it. I feel like more focus should be put on the fact that abusive relationships and people are not normal or healthy.  Showing people it’s possible (although can be very difficult) to get out of these relationships or distance themselves from those people is something that I think needs far more focus on in media.

[Shiloh_Rose]

4 hours ago, Laplace said:

I never understood romanticized abuse 😕. It seems so pervasive now in fiction I’m mean just look how popular yanderes, modern day pseudo-tsunderes (a.k.a. physical abusers w/ anger management issues), psychopaths (people excusing and defending characters who are nutters cause they’re “cute/hot” and “misunderstood”), “BDSM” a la 50 Shades, emotionally troubled/distant men, relationships with severe power imbalances, etc. I’m just like, “Is this really what people fantasize about? 🤨” If I wanted a relationship, I’d just like a quiet life with no fighting that’s healthy and free of drama.

I love Fruits Basket... but that's something I have a super hard time watching some parts of/things in some animes. I forget their names, but the one girl is like, beating up the red haired guy she wants to be/is her boyfriend all the time, and even though it's kinda humorousish anime and the guys themselves fight each other all the time/so later he is not usually 'hurting'... it's so difficult. Especially because it's kinda excused and just 'oh she was showing her love' or whatever and the next second she's 'oh I love you I was just worrieeeedddd please like me!?' cutesy face- like no. You just beat the shite out of him, it wasn't any kind of mutual contest thing. Not okayy. He doesn't have to end up with you. Even though they play it like its part of her... her... ugh. calendar personality thing/being possessed by the whatever spirit.

I dunno. I just really don't like it. I mean. I don't notice this stuff all the time-I'm sure a lot of shows/movies/etc I like have some of it in it and I haven't noticed, but.
Stop. F#cking. Hurting. Him. It's not cool. And I wish whatshername would friggin talk to the GIRL about shizz and NOT DOING THAT instead of talking to /him/ about 'oh but she loves you' or whatever.

[Laplace]

When you’re told by relatives that’s it’s your responsibility to pass on your family name 😐😑. I hate it so much.

[ColeHW34]

6 minutes ago, Laplace said:

When you’re told by relatives that’s it’s your responsibility to pass on your family name 😐😑. I hate it so much.

Same here.

It’s getting too old.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

52 minutes ago, Laplace said:

When you’re told by relatives that’s it’s your responsibility to pass on your family name 😐😑. I hate it so much.

Like fuck it is.

[Skycaptain]

If my parents really wanted me to carry on the family name they shouldn't have submitted faulty plans for the sperm factory 

[ben8884]

I can remember once, my Mother saying it was a shame that our family name wouldn't be carried on. I reminded her that we have relatives who have the family name in Norfolk, Maine and Australia and that it looks like it will survive one way or another. She then said that OUR branch wouldn't survive like, our specific group...no pleasing some people. 

[Laplace]

I’m Asian so older relatives have a complex about passing on our last name. I’m the eldest male in the local family with our last name so it’s like expected that I have children. They all expect me to settle down with someone, esp. since I’m seen as the “mature” one. It’s like they are trying to pressure me into doing everything I don’t want to do: dating, marrying, having sex and kids, drinking alcohol, being religious, etc. Yes, be independent except not and conform conform conform cause we know what’s best for you and what you need to lead a fulfilling life. They aren’t bad people but they just have a narrow view of the world. Well, actually many of my uncles and aunts have kinda argumentative and confrontational marriages so sometimes they are kinda jerks. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Well my orientation doesn't allow for kids even if I wanted them, so it's a bit tough for the fam.

[Bio 7]

Does nobody have a family that thinks adoption is good enough? Genetics isn’t everything.

 

I’m glad my dad has never brought any of this up with me and doesn’t seem to care, certainly seems to be less awkward.

[ColeHW34]

I’d rather have no kids. They might be sweet at first but no matter how well you treat them they always rebel against you. 

[Alawyn-Aebt]

Kind of an Asexual problem, kind of a problem of being red-haired.

 

I was told, completely randomly by someone I work with, that I am "probably great in bed". I do not know if it should have been a compliment or not but either way that was an uncomfortable situation.

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, ben8884 said:

I can remember once, my Mother saying it was a shame that our family name wouldn't be carried on. I reminded her that we have relatives who have the family name in Norfolk, Maine and Australia and that it looks like it will survive one way or another. She then said that OUR branch wouldn't survive like, our specific group...no pleasing some people. 

My grandfather had two wives and I'm the only descendant of my grandmother.  The other grandmother has plenty of grandchildren.  My mom's last name will carry on just fine.  She probably accepted early on that since I was AFAB, I wouldn't pass on her last name anyway.  But this whole "everyone is entitled to their genetic children" thing is just unreasonable.

[Bronztrooper]

12 hours ago, ColeHW said:

I’d rather have no kids. They might be sweet at first but no matter how well you treat them they always rebel against you. 

Enh, not really.  The more agency you give them as they grow, the less likely they are to feel a need to 'rebel' (the 'rebellious teen' thing generally results from strict households).

 

Treat them like they're their own person, and they won't have anything to 'rebel' against.  How can someone rebel against having the choice to do whatever they want (within reason)?

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Enh, not really.  The more agency you give them as they grow, the less likely they are to feel a need to 'rebel' (the 'rebellious teen' thing generally results from strict households).

 

Treat them like they're their own person, and they won't have anything to 'rebel' against.  How can someone rebel against having the choice to do whatever they want (within reason)?

For the longest time I thought my cousin was a rebellious teenager.  My mom told me about all these bad things she did.  So I had this preconceived idea that she was a bad kid growing up.  We started having dinner hangouts and I learned that she wasn't bad at all.  My mom had unreasonable expectations (for the first child she raised, my cousin immigrated here as a child).  Since I wasn't rebellious, I gave into these unreasonable demands, not knowing that I could do anything different.  In fact, my mom was harder on me so I wouldn't turn out like my cousin.  Being tough on a strong-willed kid just makes them rebel more.  Being tougher on a scared kid who doesn't know any life outside of this, just makes them scarred for life.  The irony now is that my cousin said she "flipped a switch" when she was 25 and now she's doing well career-wise, super responsible.  Meanwhile, I rebelled in my 20s, am now too depressed to care about a better life (even though I try), and resent what they have done.

[R2_3P0]

I don't know, I kinda like the idea of having a kid or two. I don't particularly care if I'm married or not, but motherhood has always appealed to me, despite being asexual. Yes, I'd like to adopt but I'd also like to go through pregnancy at least once. I'm not interested in having kids YET as I'm currently still in college and want to have a good career started, but I'd like to be a mom someday. 

[Agentr9154]

On 6/26/2019 at 4:52 PM, Laplace said:

When you’re told by relatives that’s it’s your responsibility to pass on your family name 😐😑. I hate it so much.

Luckily for me,my brother  has a wife and five children so if my mom or her boyfriend tell me I should pass on the family name,I can point out my brother has five children and that Im an auncle to nine.There is already nine other children carrying it on.I don't need to.

[Laplace]

19 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Enh, not really.  The more agency you give them as they grow, the less likely they are to feel a need to 'rebel' (the 'rebellious teen' thing generally results from strict households).

 

Treat them like they're their own person, and they won't have anything to 'rebel' against.  How can someone rebel against having the choice to do whatever they want (within reason)?

Ehhhh, I almost think kids have too much agency these days 😑. My little kid cousin who’s like 7 or so knows nearly every cuss word, and yesterday he was talking about killing himself and calling a psychopath to kill him while whining about being in the car for 2 hrs. I don’t really approve of his parenting. Though, I don’t even care anymore cause there’s no way I’m having kids after working retail and being with my relatives. From what I’ve seen, I swear all kids seem to start out as sadists cause they delight in causing pain. They punch people, step on their feet, bully their siblings that are the same age (like holy moly so many kids fight at my job), mix soap with drinking water (I’m looking at you, cousin 😡), blare loud noises when you’re trying to sleep, and more.

[Zagadka]

I don't envy parents who have to raise kids with the Internet. It makes the whole restricting their access to information and behavior a lot more complicated. Hell, having to deal with wanting to play video games, when they have phones now.

 

Though I was happy to hear that my niece is spending time in an actual library, which apparently kids still do instead of googling everything (like I do now anyway).

[firebird8]

On 6/27/2019 at 9:56 AM, Aebt said:

Kind of an Asexual problem, kind of a problem of being red-haired.

 

I was told, completely randomly by someone I work with, that I am "probably great in bed". I do not know if it should have been a compliment or not but either way that was an uncomfortable situation.

(For the record, I am also a red head).

 

Red hair is one of those things that people seem to think is a community owned resource instead of your personal trait. You aren't allowed to cut it, dye it, style it, refuse access for people to touch it, etc etc without endless comment. And yes, there's endless comments about your assumed moods and temperament including ribald sexually explicit comments. 😕

 

I would say the person would tell you that it was a compliment but they were also waiting your personality as nothing more than your genes and hair color, which is condescending and they would be very offended if you said they were sexually harassing you by saying such unwelcome things...they were being condescending by telling you who you are when they don't know you. Which is not complimentary. And I would be very surprised if it wasn't a man or men saying that to a woman, which is an exercise of social power rather than a compliment, and they probably enjoyed making you uncomfortable. So...It's complicated.

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, firebird8 said:

 

Red hair is one of those things that people seem to think is a community owned resource instead of your personal trait. You aren't allowed to cut it, dye it, style it, refuse access for people to touch it, etc etc without endless comment. And yes, there's endless comments about your assumed moods and temperament including ribald sexually explicit comments. 😕

Right??? 

 

Went from teased as a kid (lots of "Annie" comments in particular) to overly objectified and touched as an adult. WTF. It's just hair. 

[firebird8]

I had this one adult man tell me that in his culture he would have bad luck all day if he couldn't rub my head. Argued with me for several minutes. I still think he was making it up because he was as American as I am.

[Guest]

Oh yeah, when I was younger... 13-17 in particular, I'd get the creepiest comments and weird shit like that where they're talking to me like a child but also obviously sexualizing me. And I'm sexual, so this isn't an asexual problem specifically. 

[Alawyn-Aebt]

6 minutes ago, firebird8 said:

I still think he was making it up because he was as American as I am.

No, he was not. Sadly.

 

When I was 15 I played soccer, my teams uniforms were orange-red and there were two redheads on the team, myself and another boy. When the team voted for a team name it was decided to be The Gingers. Then my non-redhead teammates made decided to touch the other redhead's (lucky not my) hair for good luck before every game.

 

I actually thought they just invented it on the spot, but if you experienced it too maybe it is a thing.

[firebird8]

Ew. People are so odd about luck. 

[ColeHW34]

I used to have translucent blond hair when I was younger now it’s oily, thin af and brownish gold.