#AsexualProblems

[ChaoticHetergenousMixture]

On 3/20/2019 at 8:00 AM, Zash said:

@Strifed Just tell them you don't do office romances, since if they fail, they just make work awkward, and you would rather avoid all that drama in the workplace.

Smart!

[Sethyenn]

People around me are constantly trying to get me a boyfriend. One of my friends is trying really hard to set me up with some guy I've never met. From what she said he seems like a really good guy, but I'm just not interested. I don't know what am I supposed to do, I feel uncomfortable everytime someone brings up this topic. I actually came out to my mom but right after I said that I'm an ace, I said that maybe I just haven't found the right one or maybe I'm just a late bloomer and ran away with tears in my eyes because of my social anxiety. So, I think coming out to anyone as an ace is pointless in my case.

I also find it funny - I don't have such a big problem with social anxiety on aven, but everything else feels like hell. 

[General]

36 minutes ago, Sethyenn said:

People around me are constantly trying to get me a boyfriend. One of my friends is trying really hard to set me up with some guy I've never met. From what she said he seems like a really good guy, but I'm just not interested. I don't know what am I supposed to do, I feel uncomfortable everytime someone brings up this topic. I actually came out to my mom but right after I said that I'm an ace, I said that maybe I just haven't found the right one or maybe I'm just a late bloomer and ran away with tears in my eyes because of my social anxiety. So, I think coming out to anyone as an ace is pointless in my case.

I also find it funny - I don't have such a big problem with social anxiety on aven, but everything else feels like hell. 

Those people need to back the hell off.  Live your life for you and never let someone pressure you into doing anything.  What I learned from personal experience is many people want you to be just like them, a hot mess.  It makes them feel better about their shitty situations if others are riding in the same boat, because misery loves company.  It's sabotage.  Always remember that you have control over your body and your mind.  No one else deserves to have that control over you but you.

[Sethyenn]

1 minute ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Those people need to back the hell off.  Live your life for you and never let someone pressure you into doing anything.  What I learned from personal experience is many people want you to be just like them, a hot mess.  It makes them feel better about their shitty situations if others are riding in the same boat, because misery loves company.  It's sabotage.  Always remember that you have control over your body and your mind.  No one else deserves to have that control over you but you.

I spaced out for a few minutes and the notification almost gave me a heart attack

 

I will try to tell them to stop (I'm planning to do that since they started)

thanks for everything

[Anthracite_Impreza]

You don't even need to actively tell them, just completely change the subject every time they bring it up. Hopefully it will eventually make them feel like pricks.

[Myers]

I have several gay friends at work. I mentioned to a couple of them that it was annoying that all the sexuality groups were LGBT or LGBTQ but nor LGBTQIA. One of them asked me “What is the IA?” *facepalm*

 

I know no one in “real life” who considers themselves ace. Me, when I “came out,” I said I wasn’t really coming out as anything, given I have no desires in any particular direction. So maybe I do know other aces, but they are unaware of the terminology or are romantic and don’t consider themselves asexual.

 

Society’s obsession with sex makes it difficult to define “not sex.”

 

My doctor did not have an option to select asexual. She told me lack of libido could be a sign of mental illness. 😐

[Agentr9154]

31 minutes ago, Myers said:

I have several gay friends at work. I mentioned to a couple of them that it was annoying that all the sexuality groups were LGBT or LGBTQ but nor LGBTQIA. One of them asked me “What is the IA?” *facepalm*

 

I know no one in “real life” who considers themselves ace. Me, when I “came out,” I said I wasn’t really coming out as anything, given I have no desires in any particular direction. So maybe I do know other aces, but they are unaware of the terminology or are romantic and don’t consider themselves asexual.

 

Society’s obsession with sex makes it difficult to define “not sex.”

 

My doctor did not have an option to select asexual. She told me lack of libido could be a sign of mental illness. 😐

Remind her a headache can be a sign of brain cancer.They can be related,doesn't mean they are.If you have a headache,it doesn't mean you have brain cancer,it could mean anything from head cold to needing glasses to brain cancer,yet doesn't mean its brain cancer.

[General]

4 hours ago, Myers said:

I have several gay friends at work. I mentioned to a couple of them that it was annoying that all the sexuality groups were LGBT or LGBTQ but nor LGBTQIA. One of them asked me “What is the IA?” *facepalm*

 

I know no one in “real life” who considers themselves ace. Me, when I “came out,” I said I wasn’t really coming out as anything, given I have no desires in any particular direction. So maybe I do know other aces, but they are unaware of the terminology or are romantic and don’t consider themselves asexual.

 

Society’s obsession with sex makes it difficult to define “not sex.”

 

My doctor did not have an option to select asexual. She told me lack of libido could be a sign of mental illness. 😐

The ignorance is frustrating isn't it?  *smh* 😑

 

Sadly, a lot of gay people and many "medical professionals" have no clue about other identities.  Makes me sick.

[Destan]

I'm following this fantasy light novel and there was a monster who has yet to evolve into a demon lord.

Before he can become one, the last requirement was to bear an offspring.

My immediate reaction to this was

"What the ...? So you're telling that if I want to become a demon lord and I completed every requirement to be recognized one, are in the end useless effort. I can't evolve into a real demon lord because I don't want to bear an offspring.That's a pity." :/

 

[Zectarash]

1 hour ago, Destan said:

I'm following this fantasy light novel and there was a monster who has yet to evolve into a demon lord.

Before he can become one, the last requirement was to bear an offspring.

My immediate reaction to this was

"What the ...? So you're telling that if I want to become a demon lord and I completed every requirement to be recognized one, are in the end useless effort. I can't evolve into a real demon lord because I don't want to bear an offspring.That's a pity." :/

 

Time to start budding? Definitely less painful than assisted binary fission.

[Laplace]

6 hours ago, Destan said:

I'm following this fantasy light novel and there was a monster who has yet to evolve into a demon lord.

Before he can become one, the last requirement was to bear an offspring.

My immediate reaction to this was

"What the ...? So you're telling that if I want to become a demon lord and I completed every requirement to be recognized one, are in the end useless effort. I can't evolve into a real demon lord because I don't want to bear an offspring.That's a pity." 😕

 

Man that’s lame 😒. I don’t want some child who’ll grow up into a rebellious upstart seeking to challenge my throne. Besides, that can’t be the most difficult challenge so why does that have to be the final requirement? It should be something like claim some powerful artifact or craft a signature weapon. And regardless, to be a demon lord is to stand above all others; to mingle my genes with another would be a blasphemy against my exalted flesh. 😈

[Destan]

1 hour ago, Laplace said:

Man that’s lame 😒. I don’t want some child who’ll grow up into a rebellious upstart seeking to challenge my throne. Besides, that can’t be the most difficult challenge so why does that have to be the final requirement? It should be something like claim some powerful artifact or craft a signature weapon. And regardless, to be a demon lord is to stand above all others; to mingle my genes with another would be a blasphemy against my exalted flesh. 😈

Actually this monster doesn't have a throne, he's serving under a master so there's no throne to fight for.

Personally, I think the final requirement is usually the amount of souls you have to sacrifice. In this monsters case, it was around 10 000 souls.

[Firefly8]

15 hours ago, Myers said:

I have several gay friends at work. I mentioned to a couple of them that it was annoying that all the sexuality groups were LGBT or LGBTQ but nor LGBTQIA. One of them asked me “What is the IA?” *facepalm*

 

I know no one in “real life” who considers themselves ace. Me, when I “came out,” I said I wasn’t really coming out as anything, given I have no desires in any particular direction. So maybe I do know other aces, but they are unaware of the terminology or are romantic and don’t consider themselves asexual.

 

Society’s obsession with sex makes it difficult to define “not sex.”

 

My doctor did not have an option to select asexual. She told me lack of libido could be a sign of mental illness. 😐

At least you can hold your head a high for knowing something about medicine that a doctor doesn't know and you know something about LGBTQIA that the gay friends do not. So 😛 in their faces! LOL. Go asexy you! 
It can get frustrating having to explain yourself to people every time. I'm very optimistic that one day aces won't have to.

[starweb]

I was watching a program about Grizzly bears on BBC America. It was good until it came time for the bears to mate and then these adult men had to start making jokes about it.  Things like a particular beach being a 'bear's single's bar'. Was that necessary?

[Myers]

15 hours ago, Destan said:

I'm following this fantasy light novel and there was a monster who has yet to evolve into a demon lord.

Before he can become one, the last requirement was to bear an offspring.

My immediate reaction to this was

"What the ...? So you're telling that if I want to become a demon lord and I completed every requirement to be recognized one, are in the end useless effort. I can't evolve into a real demon lord because I don't want to bear an offspring.That's a pity." 😕

 

That supposed nirvana. It really pisses me off when people say I can’t know the meaning of life unless I have children. So condescending!

[General]

23 hours ago, Sethyenn said:

I spaced out for a few minutes and the notification almost gave me a heart attack

 

I will try to tell them to stop (I'm planning to do that since they started)

thanks for everything

You're quite welcome. ☺👍

 

Sorry I startled you lol

[Agentr9154]

*Me trying to write a story*

Me:Ok,either I seem sexist by only putting a large majority of females or males in the story or everyone gets shipped in a straight relationship,or everyone gets shipped in homosexual relationships,WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF THEM WHY CAN'T I HAVE JUST NO ONE GETS SHIPPED AND THERE BE ABOUT EQUAL AMOUNT OF BOTH SEXES?!

 

 

[Bronztrooper]

2 hours ago, Agentr9154 said:

*Me trying to write a story*

Me:Ok,either I seem sexist by only putting a large majority of females or males in the story or everyone gets shipped in a straight relationship,or everyone gets shipped in homosexual relationships,WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF THEM WHY CAN'T I HAVE JUST NO ONE GETS SHIPPED AND THERE BE ABOUT EQUAL AMOUNT OF BOTH SEXES?!

 

 

People will ship whatever they want regardless of the actual story and what the author wants to do, so my advice would be to try and ignore it as best you can

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Myers said:

That supposed nirvana. It really pisses me off when people say I can’t know the meaning of life unless I have children. So condescending!

I usually counter with a list of highly successful or influential people, who either didn’t have kids, or if they did are remembered for their legacies and not their kids.

 

Aristotle, Amelia Earhart, Abraham Maslow,  Emily Bronte, Carl Jung, Copernicus, Marie Curie, MLK, Ayn Rand, etc. etc. etc. 

 

Literally all successful and influential authors, scientists, doctors, lawyers, women’s rights activists, either didn’t have kids, or are remembered for their legacies and not for their kids. Only average mundane people try to spin it like having kids is a legacy. It’s like being a muggle at Hogwarts and trying to brag that you’re awesome because you have a phone.

[Bronztrooper]

1 minute ago, i.r3beka said:

I usually counter with a list of highly successful or influential people, who either didn’t have kids, or if they did are remembered for their legacies and not their kids.

 

Aristotle, Amelia Earhart, Abraham Maslow,  Emily Bronte, Carl Jung, Copernicus, Marie Curie, MLK, Ayn Rand, etc. etc. etc. 

 

Literally all successful and influential authors, scientists, doctors, lawyers, women’s rights activists, are remembered for their legacies and not for their kids. Only average mundane people try to spin it like having kids is a legacy.

I keep thinking that Tesla was aro/ace because he never even got married, let alone had kids

[confused_slytherin]

3 hours ago, Agentr9154 said:

*Me trying to write a story*

Me:Ok,either I seem sexist by only putting a large majority of females or males in the story or everyone gets shipped in a straight relationship,or everyone gets shipped in homosexual relationships,WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE OF THEM WHY CAN'T I HAVE JUST NO ONE GETS SHIPPED AND THERE BE ABOUT EQUAL AMOUNT OF BOTH SEXES?!

 

 

I'm writing a story and  of my three (female) protagonists, one is ace, one is aro, and one is young and prioritizing her career so her sexuality is undetermined and no one's business anyway. And I have several allo characters, and a gay character, but I realized last night that I have no women who like women? Why is representation so hard?

[Agentr9154]

52 minutes ago, confused_slytherin said:

I'm writing a story and  of my three (female) protagonists, one is ace, one is aro, and one is young and prioritizing her career so her sexuality is undetermined and no one's business anyway. And I have several allo characters, and a gay character, but I realized last night that I have no women who like women? Why is representation so hard?

If I try to say they're ace and aro,then everyone is ace and aro.If I try and leave it alone,people will assume.I hate how representation is this darn hard.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, confused_slytherin said:

I'm writing a story and  of my three (female) protagonists, one is ace, one is aro, and one is young and prioritizing her career so her sexuality is undetermined and no one's business anyway. And I have several allo characters, and a gay character, but I realized last night that I have no women who like women? Why is representation so hard?

I think it might be a good thing that you find representation hard because you’re incorporating their sexuality into a fully developed character, if that makes sense. You shouldn’t have “a lesbian character.” You should have a character that’s good at her job, doesn’t really care about the lifescript, likes hiking, and also happens to be a lesbian.*

 

That way you can avoid doing what most books and movies do, where there “has to be a gay guy,” so they give you a stereotypically feminine gay guy, but don’t sketch out his life beyond his sexuality.

 

*Just an example

[confused_slytherin]

3 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

I think it might be a good thing that you find representation hard because you’re incorporating their sexuality into a fully developed character, of that makes sense. You shouldn’t have “a lesbian character.” You should have a character that’s good at her job, doesn’t really care about the lifescript, likes hiking, and also happens to be a lesbian.

 

That way you can avoid doing what most books and movies do, where there “has to be a gay guy,” so they give you a stereotypically feminine gay guy, but don’t sketch out his life beyond his sexuality.

That's definitely fair. I don't want any of these characters or their identities to be forced--it's more that I'm discovering them along the way.  I'm just frustrated because I feel like gay men get so much more nuanced representation than lesbians in general, and I'm going into this draft trying to be really inclusive but also conscious of stereotypes and authenticity and three-dimensionality.

[General]

5 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

I keep thinking that Tesla was aro/ace because he never even got married, let alone had kids

People have speculated that Tesla was ace, and for a minute I was excited, but there were also things written about him that say he was sexist and misogynistic.  When I read that I was like......"He can rot in hell and stick his invention where the sun don't shine." *smh*

[PittAce92]

On 3/23/2019 at 1:19 PM, Myers said:

ociety’s obsession with sex makes it difficult to define “not sex.”

 

My doctor did not have an option to select asexual. She told me lack of libido could be a sign of mental illness. 😐

Perfect example of societal obsession of sexual activity.

 

It is a complete embarrassment such a comment came from a doctor that it might be a sign of mental illness. It just shows cluelessness across society... 🙄

 

[PittAce92]

On 3/23/2019 at 7:59 PM, Destan said:

I'm following this fantasy light novel and there was a monster who has yet to evolve into a demon lord.

Before he can become one, the last requirement was to bear an offspring.

My immediate reaction to this was

"What the ...? So you're telling that if I want to become a demon lord and I completed every requirement to be recognized one, are in the end useless effort. I can't evolve into a real demon lord because I don't want to bear an offspring.That's a pity." 😕

 

An offspring? Whatever happened to just the process of becoming older through aging?

[PittAce92]

7 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

I keep thinking that Tesla was aro/ace because he never even got married, let alone had kids

As an idol of mine, he is as far as I am aware. There was a quote, "I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men" which I took as an comment regarding this subject, and also another quote (which I oddly cannot find) regarded similar subject matter, only with something about marriage only gets in the way of invention, and he would rather do invention. Something like that....

[Bronztrooper]

3 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

People have speculated that Tesla was ace, and for a minute I was excited, but there were also things written about him that say he was sexist and misogynistic.  When I read that I was like......"He can rot in hell and stick his invention where the sun don't shine." *smh*

I was not aware of this.  Care to provide links, if possible?

 

33 minutes ago, PittAce92 said:

As an idol of mine, he is as far as I am aware. There was a quote, "I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men" which I took as an comment regarding this subject, and also another quote (which I oddly cannot find) regarded similar subject matter, only with something about marriage only gets in the way of invention, and he would rather do invention. Something like that....

Tesla, like Leonardo Da Vinci, was so far ahead of his time intellectually that even the most advanced tech of his day wasn't able to make his ideas achieve a fraction of their potiential.

[PittAce92]

I was not aware of this.  Care to provide links, if possible?

 

Sadly, some of this was true, as it was in his late years. I cannot quote links, but the book "Nikola Tesla: My Inventions and Other Writings". I don't condone the comments, but I realize that the timeframe of the comments (early 1920s) and how the culture was different versus now, and remember, he was an aging man at that point. I just found it confusing because his best friend as a kid was female and his inspiration was his mother, which he criticized how society was how some of her clever ideas wouldn't come to pass because of how things were. I cannot explain the context for this later stuff though. 😳

 

And let us not forget what Edison did, using animals as experiment props. 😡

 

Tesla, like Leonardo Da Vinci, was so far ahead of his time intellectually that even the most advanced tech of his day wasn't able to make his ideas achieve a fraction of their potiential.

 

Absolutely right! If we look at Induction Charging for example, that was based on his idea. Even the whole electric grid was based on his induction motor.