& I'm a heretic

#AsexualProblems

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ColeHW

My parents actually thought i was going on a date with a tomboy (who I later learned was transgender and accepted it) but actually it was just hanging out at a movie and fooling around.

Little did they know.

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i.r3beka
On 10/2/2018 at 7:17 PM, a minor triad said:

I just got the "How do you know relationships aren't your thing if you've never been in one?" for the first time. And honestly, I am surprised by how peeved I am about the whole experience. I usually don't let things like that bother me, but the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.

Ugh I hate this bingo. While I personally would like a relationship one day, I still get it about other things {frickfracking and having kids.}

 

There are two ways I usually respond.

 

First, think of something self evidently unpleasant and ask how the speaker knows they wouldn’t enjoy it. How do you know you wouldn’t like to smack yourself in the face with a cactus? How do you know you don’t want to take up fire walking / sword swallowing / skydiving?

 

Two, you can say because you know your own nature. Relationships, frickfracking, and kids aren’t as trivial as trying lychee, trying a new video game, or getting in a rollercoaster. Generally, if even THINKING about something gives you stress, anxiety, or discomfort, it’s probably a safe bet you won’t enjoy it.

 

 I don’t know how or if it is physiologically related, but the part of you that gets uncomfortable with certain things is reminiscent of the part of you that has “bad feelings.”  If I’m walking to my car at night and my gut says ‘turn back around,’ I’m not going to get into my car because “how do I know it’s not safe?” I don’t need concrete proof that my car is unsafe to ask for someone to walk with me / wait while I check my car. Similarly, I don’t need concrete proof that I would hate frickfrack / childbirth to know I’m not going to.

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Bio 7
1 hour ago, i.r3beka said:

Ugh I hate this bingo. While I personally would like a relationship one day, I still get it about other things {frickfracking and having kids.}

 

There are two ways I usually respond.

 

First, think of something self evidently unpleasant and ask how the speaker knows they wouldn’t enjoy it. How do you know you wouldn’t like to smack yourself in the face with a cactus? How do you know you don’t want to take up fire walking / sword swallowing / skydiving?

 

Two, you can say because you know your own nature. Relationships, frickfracking, and kids aren’t as trivial as trying lychee, trying a new video game, or getting in a rollercoaster. Generally, if even THINKING about something gives you stress, anxiety, or discomfort, it’s probably a safe bet you won’t enjoy it.

 

 I don’t know how or if it is physiologically related, but the part of you that gets uncomfortable with certain things is reminiscent of the part of you that has “bad feelings.”  If I’m walking to my car at night and my gut says ‘turn back around,’ I’m not going to get into my car because “how do I know it’s not safe?” I don’t need concrete proof that my car is unsafe to ask for someone to walk with me / wait while I check my car. Similarly, I don’t need concrete proof that I would hate frickfrack / childbirth to know I’m not going to.

It is always portrayed as if you can’t say what you want until at least 30 or it’s just “you will change your mind when you get older”. Really irritating and kind of insulting that they think they know you better than you do. Not everyone wants the same thing and people really should accept that.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
16 minutes ago, Bio 7 said:

Not everyone wants the same thing and people really should accept that.

 

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Mythos1

When your friends are sitting around telling sex stories, and you're just sitting there silently cringing. Then they turn to you and say "you're quiet. Bet your wild in bed."

What?! Oh God! No, just no! Leave me out of this! 

 

Every damn time!

 

 

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Laplace
On 10/15/2018 at 11:53 PM, Mythos1 said:

When your friends are sitting around telling sex stories, and you're just sitting there silently cringing. Then they turn to you and say "you're quiet. Bet your wild in bed."

What?! Oh God! No, just no! Leave me out of this! 

 

Every damn time!

 

 

Yeah, when you don’t display an overt interest in basic stuff, some people immediately jump to the conclusion that you have to be some sort of deviant. Like, there’s a trope on TvTropes called “Brains and Bondage” that follows from this way of thinking where people who quiet, unassuming, and/or intelligent are shown to enjoy stuff like BDSM in fiction. This idea is terrible for someone like me cause I’m academically intelligent, not very boastful, and ostensibly very straight-laced and well-behaved. So, in some people’s eyes, there has to be some scandalous habit to offset my generally pure and somewhat passive persona. 🤦🏻‍♂️

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Anthraxite_Vampreza
29 minutes ago, Laplace said:

Like, there’s a trope on TvTropes called “Brains and Bondage”

That is an area of TV Tropes I can safely say I have never ventured to.

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a minor triad
20 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

There are two ways I usually respond.

 

First, think of something self evidently unpleasant and ask how the speaker knows they wouldn’t enjoy it. How do you know you wouldn’t like to smack yourself in the face with a cactus? How do you know you don’t want to take up fire walking / sword swallowing / skydiving?

 

Two, you can say because you know your own nature. Relationships, frickfracking, and kids aren’t as trivial as trying lychee, trying a new video game, or getting in a rollercoaster. Generally, if even THINKING about something gives you stress, anxiety, or discomfort, it’s probably a safe bet you won’t enjoy it.

Yeah, when the guy said that to me, I kinda froze, so I couldn't think of anything clever. I ended up telling him that that was a bad question and to never ask me that again. Oh well. It got my point across, at least.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

...Just the usual single/aroace problem of having random strangers in vehicles deciding to lecture me about how I "shouldn't be out here, alone" while I'm walking/exercising, as though everyone should or needs to be paired with someone in order to be safe (and as though everyone has an available partner or friend to exercise with them). :rolleyes:

 

Single adults aren't naïve or helpless children just because they do things alone.

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nerdperson777

Male foreigner co-worker asked another co-worker about a file he wanted.  She said she emailed it to him.  He said he didn't see it so he'll check his junk (mail).  One guy starts laughing a little.  The woman probably also knew.  "Yeah, check your junk."  I'm just sitting there silently disapproving at the subtle immaturity.

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Destan

My classmate told me a 'funny' story about when she was with her cousin and her cousins boyfriend. I honestly wish she didn't tell me.

It's the most dirtiest thing I've heard. A warning would have been nice, but I guess it's normal to hear these kinds of stories around my age(?)

So for those who want to know, embrace yourselves:

Spoiler

The cousin of my classmate suddenly called my classmate to pick her up. My classmate drove her cousin to the train station where she meets the boyfriend. He was there panicking, being embarrassed and kept saying his kids were in a tree. The two of them were confused so the boyfriend showed them what he meant, because he doesn't have kids. The boyfriend apparently 'does something' with a girl every now and then in the bushes. Afterwards, he would leave his condom there so apparently someone hanged all the ones he used in a tree. The person who did this is still a mystery even to this day. 

 

I'm guessing it was an act of revenge.

 

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Fluffy Femme Guy

brain

18 hours ago, Anthraxite_Vampreza said:

That is an area of TV Tropes I can safely say I have never ventured to.

Oddly enough, the sex/romance pages on tvtropes are how I found out about asexuality.
This actually led to me finding AVEN.

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Laplace
6 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

Oddly enough, the sex/romance pages on tvtropes are how I found out about asexuality.
This actually led to me finding AVEN.

Same actually. I saw the Asexuality trope, and that tipped me off to the whole idea. TvTropes didn’t ruin my life (yes, that’s an actual trope); it improved it. 😇

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starweb

I was starting to get excited about a movie titled "The Aftermath' which is about what happened in Germany immediately after WWII.  Its a period of history I'm interested in and we don't hear enough about it. Imagine my disappointment when the reviewers go on and on about the illicit love story and the 'hot love scenes'.

 

Oh well...

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Bloc
On 10/16/2018 at 11:37 PM, Laplace said:

Like, there’s a trope on TvTropes called “Brains and Bondage” that follows from this way of thinking where people who quiet, unassuming, and/or intelligent are shown to enjoy stuff like BDSM in fiction.

Is it an asexual problem if this trope fits for you and you are still asexual? Being into bondage does not mean you want to have sex.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
2 hours ago, Bloc said:

Is it an asexual problem if this trope fits for you and you are still asexual? Being into bondage does not mean you want to have sex.

It can be. Some people can't understand that you can have kinks or fetishes while not wanting sex.

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nerdperson777

I'm feeling like a bad ace friend because the friends I'm supposed to move in with are allo and like to wear almost no clothing but I said I would prefer that some sort of top and bottom be worn.  I felt like I was being super judgmental about the trans girl walking around in boxer briefs and a sweatshirt.  I wasn't expecting underwear only but also that underwear and sweatshirt was a weird combination.  I feel like I'm making it harder for them when I haven't figured out how to tell my parents that I'm leaving so I'm not even there most of the time.

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WeasleyIsOurKing
On October 19, 2018 at 1:14 PM, nerdperson777 said:

I'm feeling like a bad ace friend because the friends I'm supposed to move in with are allo and like to wear almost no clothing but I said I would prefer that some sort of top and bottom be worn.  I felt like I was being super judgmental about the trans girl walking around in boxer briefs and a sweatshirt.  I wasn't expecting underwear only but also that underwear and sweatshirt was a weird combination.  I feel like I'm making it harder for them when I haven't figured out how to tell my parents that I'm leaving so I'm not even there most of the time.

You aren't a bad friend! Try explaining to them why you'd prefer more clothing. If they understand & accept that, well, great! If they don't... Well hey, at least you tried.

 

On a lighter note, where I live today is the first day of asexual awareness week! 

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AmorphousBlob

Just told a guy that even if I did like guys I still wouldn't like him. It was pretty funny but now everyone thinks I'm gay.

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nerdperson777
18 hours ago, WeasleyIsOurKing said:

You aren't a bad friend! Try explaining to them why you'd prefer more clothing. If they understand & accept that, well, great! If they don't... Well hey, at least you tried.

 

On a lighter note, where I live today is the first day of asexual awareness week! 

Well I felt overly judgmental about how they were dressing but it's in our apartment so they should have more freedom to wear whatever they want compared to public.

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