#AsexualProblems

[Zash]

11 hours ago, zo_zum said:

Yeah, unfortunately my industry is very surface level. There’s nothing I can do about it, but thank you I appreciate your input. 

I’m gonna try my hardest to do this part right haha, hopefully I can get over how scary it is. 

Just think of it as any other role you have to play.  I am sure the guy who played Dexter is not a psychopathic serial murderer, but, he plays one on TV.  You don't need to be sexual to perform sexy, you just need to act like it.  And from what I understand, the core thing about being sexy is just projecting confidence.  Take the movements you need to do like choreography for a (albeit strange) dance.  Ask the director for input if you don't know what to do.

You can also suggest to the director (depending on what the role in the production needs), "Wouldn't it be interesting if this really sexy looking character is actually not interested in sex?"  She might just be using her initial appeal to get things out of people or something like that.  The femme fatale who can turn off and on the sex appeal like a light switch depending if she is on the job or not (for example, she seduces the hero, get's the plans from him while he is getting ready for some bedroom fun, and instead of sleeping with him/falling in love and betraying the big bad, she just says, "I got what I need, see ya!" and leaves).  Could be some interesting subversions of tropes in there.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, Zash said:

The femme fatale who can turn off and on the sex appeal like a light switch depending if she is on the job or not (for example, she seduces the hero, get's the plans from him while he is getting ready for some bedroom fun, and instead of sleeping with him/falling in love and betraying the big bad, she just says, "I got what I need, see ya!" and leaves).  Could be some interesting subversions of tropes in there.

This!! It would be a refreshing twist on the tropes. I always hate it in movies or TV shows that people frickfrack so much and it always seems to be frickfrackikg for frickfracking’s own sake. As an asexual I’m like 😕 “first of all, bleh, and second of all, just why?!” It’s really unrelatable and it would be nice to see a character that is aware of being aesthetically pleasing and uses that as a thing to manipulate people, so it’s a ploy device, instead of just being a thing for frickfrack.

[Mx. Who]

On 7/6/2018 at 3:55 AM, I'mTheDecoy said:

Where I work, there is a lot of heavy lifting and moving involved. Yet infuriatingly, whenever something extra hard or in front of a customer has to be done, suddenly it's 'get one of the boys'. Our delivery team is predominantly middle-aged women. They do heavy lifting every single day. They just get on with it. The very few men who work at the company are mostly fairly young and not exactly ripped. There is no reason to stereotype. I wouldn't mind if we had a member of stafff who was really into body building or something and they were the default person to call, but that's not the case.

 

I do a fair bit of heavy moving stuff around in my role, which is not part of the delivery team. I don't want to. I'm actually the office supervisor, so this isn't exactly the kind of work I expected to end up doing. And I am not a very strong person. I just get bored whenever I decide to get into working out. If someone else offers to move something for me, I will jump at the chance, be they male or female, and both will offer. Though there is a young man who offers most. If he wants to help others by lifting stuff, then that's really nice of him. He doesn't say 'because I'm a man.' He's just a helpful person.

In 5th grade, my PE teacher only had the boys put stuff away. Once I asked him why, and he said, "I'll put it this way, who does most of the heavy lifting in your house? Your mom, or your dad?" Fifth grade me looked at him in the eyes and said, "My mom." Then he was like, "Oh, well, in most houses it's the dad." I rolled my eyes. 

 

On 7/7/2018 at 5:16 AM, WoodwindWhistler said:

(and expecting them to pay for dinner?)

My policy (not that it's ever been used because I've never been on a date) is that whoever asks should pay. So I wouldn't ask a guy out, simply so I get free food. XD

[Laplace]

3 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

This!! It would be a refreshing twist on the tropes. I always hate it in movies or TV shows that people frickfrack so much and it always seems to be frickfrackikg for frickfracking’s own sake. As an asexual I’m like 😕 “first of all, bleh, and second of all, just why?!” It’s really unrelatable and it would be nice to see a character that is aware of being aesthetically pleasing and uses that as a thing to manipulate people, so it’s a ploy device, instead of just being a thing for frickfrack.

Coincidentally, I just finished a prologue chapter in Octopath Traveler that’s about a woman who voluntarily became a “dancer” as a young girl to find 3 people who murdered her father (she knows they frequent the dance hall/tavern in a certain town). So, for the beginning of prologue, she has to play nice and act all seductive to lure customers. She finally finds a lead and ends up gutting the nasty bastard that runs the whole “dance” house cause he tries to kill her for trying to leave (and he killed her friend too). Also, her special battle mechanic (aside of dancing for buffs and stuff) involves summoning people she’s charmed to basically attack for her.

[SallyBlackwater]

Got told today that by not wanting to get married and wanting to live alone I'll become bitter when I get old. I've heard that multiple times, and I wonder why this is such a widespread concept and why people keep telling me that even after I state that it's a choice, not a failure to find a partner after putting effort to look for someone. I just can't make the connection, not having a partner to me means that 1) I can make decisions about my life more freely, without having to consider the thoughts and feelings of another person (it sounds selfish but I don't think it is; to make an example, if I decided to go and live abroad my family wouldn't be that much bothered, a significant other who doesn't want to follow me might be) 2) not being with someone who (unless they're ace too), despite all the love they might feel for me and all the acceptance for my identity, will at some point expect sex from me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give them what they want, how they want it and as much as they want it. It's only going to make everyone suffer, and it would be just stressful to me.

 

A life without a partner means freedom to me, and I don't know why people can't even empathize with this concept. I even see so many examples around me: most old women who didn't marry that I know lead a peaceful life and, as far as I know, are happy about it.

[GeekyGamerZack]

2 hours ago, Laplace said:

Coincidentally, I just finished a prologue chapter in Octopath Traveler that’s about a woman who voluntarily became a “dancer” as a young girl to find 3 people who murdered her father (she knows they frequent the dance hall/tavern in a certain town). So, for the beginning of prologue, she has to play nice and act all seductive to lure customers. She finally finds a lead and ends up gutting the nasty bastard that runs the whole “dance” house cause he tries to kill her for trying to leave (and he killed her friend too). 

Whoa, spoilers! 😁

 

Just kidding. I wasn't going to pick Primrose, as I relate better with male characters. Actually, my current character in my friend's D&D campaign is a druid named Grizz Lee who was raised by a bear for most of his youth, and he's very much asexual. If he sees a person who most would find pleasingly attractive, he's all like, "Hi! Want to be friends?"

 

I should probably ask my friend what would happen in the event that we encounter a monster or villain that uses some kind of charm effect to control the minds of others...

[012]

Woke up this morning to the sound of neighbors having sex.

 

Why are you doing that...  yuck.

[Mx. Who]

My sister was just joking around with me by suggesting that she pranks a boy who she thinks likes me by telling him that I find afros hot.

And I was like, "Sis, I'm ace, I don't find things hot"

And then she said, "No, deep, deep down you really do"

And I was like "No I don't! I'm ace!"

 

There's a possibility she may have been joking, but I'm still upset.

I get that my family, even though they're amazing, doesn't think that I'm ace, but seriously!

[zo_zum]

12 hours ago, Zash said:

Just think of it as any other role you have to play.  I am sure the guy who played Dexter is not a psychopathic serial murderer, but, he plays one on TV.  You don't need to be sexual to perform sexy, you just need to act like it.  And from what I understand, the core thing about being sexy is just projecting confidence.  Take the movements you need to do like choreography for a (albeit strange) dance.  Ask the director for input if you don't know what to do.

You can also suggest to the director (depending on what the role in the production needs), "Wouldn't it be interesting if this really sexy looking character is actually not interested in sex?"  She might just be using her initial appeal to get things out of people or something like that.  The femme fatale who can turn off and on the sex appeal like a light switch depending if she is on the job or not (for example, she seduces the hero, get's the plans from him while he is getting ready for some bedroom fun, and instead of sleeping with him/falling in love and betraying the big bad, she just says, "I got what I need, see ya!" and leaves).  Could be some interesting subversions of tropes in there.

My eyes have been opened, holy cow thank you so much. 

Honeslty femme fatale would be so much fun the way you’re describing it!

[zo_zum]

18 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

A professor I had said the objective in every scene was sex if we wanted it to be juicy.  The other reviews of the professor said that she was great but I couldn't get past "juicy sex in every scene".  Also, she lumped all the attractions together, romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual.  And then she would describe the detailed sensuality ("this person is so hot, pretty, sexy, just one touch will make it all happen.")  The aro ace in me can't handle it.

Oh my god that’s so weird.. what a concept of just one touch. What are we.. Magnets? But what I don’t understand is why she thinks the only good things that come out of scenes are sex related outcomes? Why not life or death? Or just some goofy comedy piece that is so witty that you can’t help but love it? Hmm..

[Guest]

39 minutes ago, zo_zum said:

Oh my god that’s so weird.. what a concept of just one touch. What are we.. Magnets? But what I don’t understand is why she thinks the only good things that come out of scenes are sex related outcomes? Why not life or death? Or just some goofy comedy piece that is so witty that you can’t help but love it? Hmm..

Honestly though! I don’t know anything about theater, but as a consumer of TV shows / books / movies, there are things that I personally love to come out of a scene, and frickfracking isn’t one of them.

 

The death of a character can be very stirring. The driving home of a moral point can be resonating. Seeing the consequences of an action, whether or not you agreed with the character, is also good.

 

Even for situations that aren’t serious, frickfracking isn’t an outcome I personally enjoy. Seeing a character get humbled {Cl. Potter taking driver’s ed in MASH springs to mind} or trying to impart wisdom {BJ teaching Cheyenne to cook in Reba} can be hilarious.

 

I just don’t understand it. There are like INFINITELY many things you can have happen in your story, why make frickrack the main aim?

[queerditch]

9 hours ago, SallyBlackwater said:

Got told today that by not wanting to get married and wanting to live alone I'll become bitter when I get old. I've heard that multiple times, and I wonder why this is such a widespread concept and why people keep telling me that even after I state that it's a choice, not a failure to find a partner after putting effort to look for someone. I just can't make the connection, not having a partner to me means that 1) I can make decisions about my life more freely, without having to consider the thoughts and feelings of another person (it sounds selfish but I don't think it is; to make an example, if I decided to go and live abroad my family wouldn't be that much bothered, a significant other who doesn't want to follow me might be) 2) not being with someone who (unless they're ace too), despite all the love they might feel for me and all the acceptance for my identity, will at some point expect sex from me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give them what they want, how they want it and as much as they want it. It's only going to make everyone suffer, and it would be just stressful to me.

 

A life without a partner means freedom to me, and I don't know why people can't even empathize with this concept. I even see so many examples around me: most old women who didn't marry that I know lead a peaceful life and, as far as I know, are happy about it.

Yes!!^^^^ That is absolutely true!! I plan on studying in and/or moving to the UK at some point in my life. When I was dating my ex and things got serious, I started feeling that that may never happen. It was very disheartening. Back in November, I moved out of my parents house (brother and sister-in-law live there as well) for seven months then I moved back for a month.  I find that I enjoy living by myself much more.

[queerditch]

3 hours ago, 012 said:

Woke up this morning to the sound of neighbors having sex.

 

Why are you doing that...  yuck.

Also, why so early???

[queerditch]

20 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

("this person is so hot, pretty, sexy, just one touch will make it all happen.")  

Wait. Does that actually happen in real life?

[GeekyGamerZack]

1 hour ago, i.r3beka said:

Honestly though! I don’t know anything about theater, but as a consumer of TV shows / books / movies, there are things that I personally love to come out of a scene, and frickfracking isn’t one of them.

[...]

I just don’t understand it. There are like INFINITELY many things you can have happen in your story, why make frickrack the main aim?

That's one of the things I NEVER put into my writings! Why would I when there are so many other genuinely amazing things happening in them? I try to focus on the characters and setting, not certain overused actions that'd alienate a good chunk of the people who enjoy the series. 😊

[nerdperson777]

18 hours ago, Andiamo said:

I much prefer my high school drama teacher’s idea that the best scenes had life or death stakes.

My class had an activity, which was basically tag and having to hold hands with whoever tagged you until everyone has been tagged.  Something about playing tag reawakens our childhood impulses to try really hard to not get tagged.  I guess that's some sort of stakes for us to imagine.

 

13 hours ago, Miss Who said:

In 5th grade, my PE teacher only had the boys put stuff away. Once I asked him why, and he said, "I'll put it this way, who does most of the heavy lifting in your house? Your mom, or your dad?" Fifth grade me looked at him in the eyes and said, "My mom." Then he was like, "Oh, well, in most houses it's the dad." I rolled my eyes. 

 

My policy (not that it's ever been used because I've never been on a date) is that whoever asks should pay. So I wouldn't ask a guy out, simply so I get free food. XD

In high school, I took music class with a friend.  Normally the day after a concert, all the instruments and stuff are still in the performance hall since no one wants to move right after the concert.  My teacher asked the guys to help move the big percussion instruments but our class was so lazy that most people just sat around for the whole class.  One girl stood on the podium and said, "people with balls, go!"  My friend couldn't decide whether to go or not.  He wanted to be lazy but didn't want people to think he didn't have balls.  But I think there were some strong girls that helped out anyway, but they were the talented students.

 

I was actually waiting for your story to say that you did the heavy lifting, so they had to be proven wrong.

 

11 hours ago, SallyBlackwater said:

Got told today that by not wanting to get married and wanting to live alone I'll become bitter when I get old. I've heard that multiple times, and I wonder why this is such a widespread concept and why people keep telling me that even after I state that it's a choice, not a failure to find a partner after putting effort to look for someone. I just can't make the connection, not having a partner to me means that 1) I can make decisions about my life more freely, without having to consider the thoughts and feelings of another person (it sounds selfish but I don't think it is; to make an example, if I decided to go and live abroad my family wouldn't be that much bothered, a significant other who doesn't want to follow me might be) 2) not being with someone who (unless they're ace too), despite all the love they might feel for me and all the acceptance for my identity, will at some point expect sex from me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give them what they want, how they want it and as much as they want it. It's only going to make everyone suffer, and it would be just stressful to me.

 

A life without a partner means freedom to me, and I don't know why people can't even empathize with this concept. I even see so many examples around me: most old women who didn't marry that I know lead a peaceful life and, as far as I know, are happy about it.

I have many unmarried aunts and they are content with their pets.  One lives alone and goes to see a guy every Saturday night, but no one has pressured her to tell us if this guy was a boyfriend or a regular friend.  She's so used to having her own space all the time and being alone.  Although right now, she's having some weird mental stuff going on where she wants people around.  The normal her is the one who wants to live alone forever.

 

I actually talked to my cousin earlier today about the living together things.  She said she had to get used to living with her boyfriend since normally we're used to our own spaces but then everything becomes shared.  I personally would choose to have my own space 100% no doubt, especially as an aro ace whose other attractions are at best demi-.  I still had to get used to living in dorms in college but we all returned to our own rooms at the end of the day.

 

4 hours ago, zo_zum said:

Oh my god that’s so weird.. what a concept of just one touch. What are we.. Magnets? But what I don’t understand is why she thinks the only good things that come out of scenes are sex related outcomes? Why not life or death? Or just some goofy comedy piece that is so witty that you can’t help but love it? Hmm..

 

1 hour ago, queerditch said:

Wait. Does that actually happen in real life?

Who knows.  I'm guessing that for a scene, she was already automating how a scene turns out.  There's some attraction between two people, but one or both are trying to fight it.  Then that "magic touch", after all the tactics, is the one that wins over the person.  It was like she was expecting it.  I still think it's funny that another professor decided that me touching the other person's shoulder three times was really showing the love.

[Mx. Who]

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

 

I was actually waiting for your story to say that you did the heavy lifting,

They wouldn't let me... *pouts*

[queerditch]

8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Who knows.  I'm guessing that for a scene, she was already automating how a scene turns out.  There's some attraction between two people, but one or both are trying to fight it.  Then that "magic touch", after all the tactics, is the one that wins over the person.  It was like she was expecting it.  I still think it's funny that another professor decided that me touching the other person's shoulder three times was really showing the love.

That just doesn't seem believable even though it is portrayed a lot in the media. Actually, come to think of it, I may have done something like that in one of my fanfics, but it took a little more than just a "magic touch." And then me not knowing how to write a 

Spoiler

 sex scene even though I've had sex before just kinda left it for peoples imaginations to figure out. (Sorry I'm not sure how to use a TMI bar)

[kary_em_ace]

now that I have realized that I am asexual a lot of things started making sense 

 

like how my entire family would tell me that I am dressing inappropriately and I didn't get it because to me showing a lot of skin or wearing shirts with a deep cut never seemed sexual

I also don't get the idea of love at first sight so that might be connected 

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, kary_em_ace said:

like how my entire family would tell me that I am dressing inappropriately and I didn't get it because to me showing a lot of skin or wearing shirts with a deep cut never seemed sexual

I had a cousin I'm not out to ask for my prom pictures and she laughed because she's never seen anyone wear so much clothing to prom.  The only uncovered parts of me were my hands and some of my legs.  Yes, even my face was covered, with makeup I never asked for.

[Bronztrooper]

12 hours ago, queerditch said:

That just doesn't seem believable even though it is portrayed a lot in the media. Actually, come to think of it, I may have done something like that in one of my fanfics, but it took a little more than just a "magic touch." And then me not knowing how to write a 

  Reveal hidden contents

 sex scene even though I've had sex before just kinda left it for peoples imaginations to figure out. (Sorry I'm not sure how to use a TMI bar)

I kind of tried to do the whole 'magic touch' thing in a one-sided kind of way (female character tripped and was caught by the male character I plan to have her paired with, and I had her feel that SparkTM but she didn't act on it), but the whole time I was trying to write that scene it felt really awkward and weird for me to try writing it.  Trying to write about the sexual attraction as well is pretty weird for me to do as well.  I keep worrying that I'm not handling it the right way and that I'm somehow screwing it up.  tbh, that's primarily the reason why I don't want to do m/m or f/f pairings because I'd rather screw up with a m/f pairing and not have to worry about being chewed out for not representing the former 2 pairing types properly.  It's also part of the reason why I don't want to write smut scenes, along with not really thinking it's necessary to have the scenes there in the first place.

 

And when it comes to shows with romance subplots in them, I prefer the ones that are in PG13-type shows since they focus more on the emotional connection than anything sexual (the Avatar series is a good one for that kind of romance sub-plot).  I tend to stay away from anything that's considered a 'coming of age' story, though.

[GeekyGamerZack]

1 hour ago, Bronztrooper said:

And when it comes to shows with romance subplots in them, I prefer the ones that are in PG13-type shows since they focus more on the emotional connection than anything sexual (the Avatar series is a good one for that kind of romance sub-plot).  I tend to stay away from anything that's considered a 'coming of age' story, though.

The first season of my main series includes a subplot involving a spark between two of the main characters, with the two liking each other but both being too nervous to reveal their feelings to one another, until the magic moment occurs near the start of the third volume. There was no sex, no intense passion, just that first kiss...which was hilariously lampooned by the comic relief character, who happened to be asleep in another continent at the time. My point is that (in my opinion, at least) romance doesn't automatically have to equate to sex. Something subtle, like a single kiss, is enough to last an entire season.

[nerdperson777]

I was reading a post about top surgery and I saw the word buttonhole, for the procedure type.  Somehow my mind missed a few letters and suddenly there's a butthole procedure.

 

[Destan]

My relatives expect my sister and I will bring a boy/girlfriend with us, the very next time we visit them again.

I'm glad that that visit won't happen for maybe after 10 years (I'm not close to them emotionally and literally, we live in different continents)

But still, I get so annoyed whenever someone says that. When I say there's no way that will happen, people will act like they didn't hear it.

A distant relative even suggested that if I don't find a partner before the next visit then they will introduce me to one of their children.

I just awkwardly laughed it off because I didn't know how to react and convey my disgust for the idea without being rude towards my elders.

Apparently, it's hard for people to accept that not everyone wants to have a boy/girlfriend/partner.

[DuskFire]

On 7/16/2018 at 12:17 AM, Laplace said:

After finding out that a Skitty can breed with a Wailord, I have to assume that eggs magically pop into existence cause it just doesn’t make any sort of sense for them to be able to have viable children. Same for pairings between Gardevoir and any “amorphous” Pokemon like Slugma and Muk (how is Gardevoir considered “amorphous?” 🧐🧐🧐). I’m committed to believing that Pokemon reproduction in at least some cases must be asexual in nature. It may not work like traditional forms of asexual reproduction, but it must be asexual in certain cases cause sexual reproduction is absolutely and completely impossible. 

It's probably like how Q mate. You know from Star Trek. They just touch fingers and 😳 poof, instantly pregnant. 

 

WARNING TO SEXUALLY REPULSED VIDEO CONTAINS SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE 

 

[Neutral nerd]

4 hours ago, Steinax said:

A distant relative even suggested that if I don't find a partner before the next visit then they will introduce me to one of their children.

That is so creepy. What do their kids think about it??? Do they have a choice??

[Zash]

2 hours ago, Neutral nerd said:

That is so creepy. What do their kids think about it??? Do they have a choice??

I am hoping they mean they will just introduce the two of you to each other, and if you hit it off, great, and no pressure.  But, previous observations often indicate the other party is often somewhat pressured (either by their parents or society in general) to make a move.

[Bethany.]

On 9/20/2013 at 3:12 PM, RoL34 said:

"Yes mom, he is a guy. No mom, we're not dating" #asexualproblems

Literally had an argument about this today. 🙄

[Laplace]

8 hours ago, Steinax said:

My relatives expect my sister and I will bring a boy/girlfriend with us, the very next time we visit them again.

I'm glad that that visit won't happen for maybe after 10 years (I'm not close to them emotionally and literally, we live in different continents)

But still, I get so annoyed whenever someone says that. When I say there's no way that will happen, people will act like they didn't hear it.

A distant relative even suggested that if I don't find a partner before the next visit then they will introduce me to one of their children.

I just awkwardly laughed it off because I didn't know how to react and convey my disgust for the idea without being rude towards my elders.

Apparently, it's hard for people to accept that not everyone wants to have a boy/girlfriend/partner.

Thankfully, most of my relatives seem to have lowered that expectation of me cause it’s not mentioned often anymore. And jeez being set up with/“introduced” to someone is sooooo awkward 😖. It’s like, “Haha nice to meet you. Our parents put us up to this meeting and now all our future interactions will have this really awkward pall hanging over them. It’s pretty much ruined any chance of us having a casual relationship but maybe we can share a mutual understanding of the sheer amount of cringe we’re gonna have to endure when we’re grilled by our parents later about what we think about each other. 😅😬”

[Laplace]

6 hours ago, Lonely Mudkip said:

It's probably like how Q mate. You know from Star Trek. They just touch fingers and 😳 poof, instantly pregnant.

 

Sorry for the consecutive posts but...

 

The one thing that always confused me is that if Pokemon reproduction is not sexual, then AFAIK why can’t Nidoking breed with Nidoqueen? 🧐🧐🤔🤔🤨 Like WTF is that? Whether they get pregnant from a touch or they just materialize an egg, it would require a very odd explanation to justify why such a logical pairing is unviable.