& I'm a heretic

#AsexualProblems

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EmotionalAndroid

I was reading an interesting page about multiplicity and while skimming, my eyes caught the word "asexual" some distance down the page, and I got all excited. Then I actually read what the containing sentence said and was severely disappointed. It used it to refer to gender somehow.

 

Quote from the article:
"Gender fluid people may have a single sense of self and sometimes experience themselves as more male, female, asexual, and so on, or they may feel these different parts of themselves co-exist and have a separate sense of ‘self’."

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Andiamo
23 minutes ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

I was reading an interesting page about multiplicity and while skimming, my eyes caught the word "asexual" some distance down the page, and I got all excited. Then I actually read what the containing sentence said and was severely disappointed. It used it to refer to gender somehow.

 

Quote from the article:
"Gender fluid people may have a single sense of self and sometimes experience themselves as more male, female, asexual, and so on, or they may feel these different parts of themselves co-exist and have a separate sense of ‘self’."

Every time.... My mom still seems to think that I'm either asexual or nonbinary. She doesn't quite understand that gender and sexuality are different things.

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scarletlatitude

Hey all! I'm working on a piece for AVENues about asexual problems. I've already pmed a few of you about using your posts, but if anyone else would like to contribute, please pm me! :) 

 

 

20 hours ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

Quote from the article:
"Gender fluid people may have a single sense of self and sometimes experience themselves as more male, female, asexual, and so on, or they may feel these different parts of themselves co-exist and have a separate sense of ‘self’."

..... wut :blink::mellow:

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Jenna444

To add to the discussion of the misuse of the word "asexual";

Someone in another online discussion group was sharing their style evolution and they said they currently present as female, but in the past they were uncomfortable with looking feminine and preferred to look 'asexual' (meaning agender/non binary). Rest assured that they got educated by yours truly. 😉 Respectfully, of course. But still. 😉

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Jenna444

This cracked me up! 😂

On Wednesday, January 03, 2018 at 11:48 AM, Tortuga said:

Person: Why are you wearing a black ring?

Me: Because turtles.

Person: What?

Me: Because turtles.

Person: Errm... Okay...

*Awkward Silence*

*Person walks away*

Basically this happens

 

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Fantastic Name
On 1/5/2018 at 11:20 PM, EmotionalAndroid said:

"Gender fluid people may have a single sense of self and sometimes experience themselves as more male, female, asexual, and so on, or they may feel these different parts of themselves co-exist and have a separate sense of ‘self’."

It's like when people assume that all gay people act feminine.

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EquusMaxima

Just the blatant un-inclusiveness from the rest of the community sometimes. 

"Yeah, well you don't get killed for your sexuality!"

And that's a bad thing??? Include us, we're not normal in that sense, nor are you!

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Eva River

Having to fill out a thing about the "perfect partner" at school during a unit about respectful relationships (I spent most of those classes trying not to cry while everyone was talking about how 'hot' was an important thing in a partner and ranking 'funny' as more important than 'freedom' in a relationship).

At the top it said, 'Don't worry if you're not in a relationship now. Think about what you would like in your future partner.' My heart just plummeted.

It would have a statement like 'I would like my partner to get jealous if I spent time with other people' (which I thought would be a really obvious no even though i'm not interested in a relationship, but i saw some people tick yes) or 'I would do sexual things with my partner' and then you would have to tick yes, no, maybe or I don't know. I remember just staring at the sheet and trying really hard to reign in my emotions, and I started ticking I don't know for all of them before I noticed that the teacher was walking around the room, so I started ticking random boxes and tried to make my hair cover my face as much as possible.

When I got home I cried and tore that piece of paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the bin.

I think the biggest asexual problem is the lack of exposure and education about asexuality there actually is. I know whoever made that respectful relationship unit was trying to be inclusive - they always said partner instead of boyfriend (it's a girl's school) which I do think was really good and a step in the right direction - but throughout the entire course there was no mention that it was okay not to want a partner or not to want to have sex.

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nerdperson777
12 hours ago, Eva River said:

Having to fill out a thing about the "perfect partner" at school during a unit about respectful relationships (I spent most of those classes trying not to cry while everyone was talking about how 'hot' was an important thing in a partner and ranking 'funny' as more important than 'freedom' in a relationship).

At the top it said, 'Don't worry if you're not in a relationship now. Think about what you would like in your future partner.' My heart just plummeted.

It would have a statement like 'I would like my partner to get jealous if I spent time with other people' (which I thought would be a really obvious no even though i'm not interested in a relationship, but i saw some people tick yes) or 'I would do sexual things with my partner' and then you would have to tick yes, no, maybe or I don't know. I remember just staring at the sheet and trying really hard to reign in my emotions, and I started ticking I don't know for all of them before I noticed that the teacher was walking around the room, so I started ticking random boxes and tried to make my hair cover my face as much as possible.

When I got home I cried and tore that piece of paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the bin.

I think the biggest asexual problem is the lack of exposure and education about asexuality there actually is. I know whoever made that respectful relationship unit was trying to be inclusive - they always said partner instead of boyfriend (it's a girl's school) which I do think was really good and a step in the right direction - but throughout the entire course there was no mention that it was okay not to want a partner or not to want to have sex.

That was me with this one theatre professor.  The ultimate "juicy" objective in every scene was SEX.  What if the one you want things from is a parent, sibling, pet, friend?  Why all the sex?  What if I'm in the bathroom and there's no toilet paper so I just want the hypothetical partner to get me some?  (Don't know why I randomly thought of that just now.)  I'm not going to reward the tp with sex, or every time they do something for me.

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Fantastic Name
On 1/8/2018 at 3:03 PM, Tortuga said:

Just the blatant un-inclusiveness from the rest of the community sometimes. 

"Yeah, well you don't get killed for your sexuality!"

And that's a bad thing??? Include us, we're not normal in that sense, nor are you!

Just because it isn't in the news doesn't mean it isn't happening.

 

As far as the world is concerned, asexuality is either nonexistent or just another obscure Tumblr thing. I think the LGBT community will become more inclusive of us once asexuality enters the public consciousness. From the way things look, I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.

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EquusMaxima

@Fantastic Name, yes, unfortunately. Like, the last time I ever heard of asexuality on news was that italian questionnaire some time ago. And, not only that, I have heard some anti-SJWs blatantly denying the existence of asexuality, on the grounds of "trans-trender" remarks. WHAT??? asexuality is a sexuality, not a gender. 

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Fantastic Name
3 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I have heard some anti-SJWs blatantly denying the existence of asexuality, on the grounds of "trans-trender" remarks. WHAT??? asexuality is a sexuality, not a gender. 

Yeah. People tend to assume that gender and sexuality are one and the same.

On 1/7/2018 at 11:12 AM, Fantastic Name said:

It's like when people assume that all gay people act feminine.

Ah, society...

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EquusMaxima

Society is a beautiful thing, yes...

As long as you satisfy an excruciatingly long list that if it were ever written or typed, it would take up... *calculating* at least 40000 pages. Otherwise, everyone else gets to strip away your rights and make fun of you in every way possible. I've seen it happen. It's not pretty.

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WoodwindWhistler
On 1/8/2018 at 3:03 PM, Tortuga said:

Just the blatant un-inclusiveness from the rest of the community sometimes. 

"Yeah, well you don't get killed for your sexuality!"

And that's a bad thing??? Include us, we're not normal in that sense, nor are you!

There have been cases of corrective rape on asexuals. Does that not qualify us in this supremely distasteful gatekeeping? 

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WoodwindWhistler
On 1/9/2018 at 5:36 PM, Eva River said:

It would have a statement like 'I would like my partner to get jealous if I spent time with other people' (which I thought would be a really obvious no even though i'm not interested in a relationship, but i saw some people tick yes)

You should DEFINITELY inform the teacher that according to relationship and sex experts with DECADES of experience in the field, that is absolutely BAD social conditioning (or ego feeding) those students harbor and it should be taught as such. 

https://www.powerofpositivity.com/toxic-relationship-habits-not-healthy/

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WoodwindWhistler
On 1/2/2018 at 2:50 PM, Tortuga said:

When I talk about recreation: A good book and hot chocolate and maybe some Minecraft in a quiet space.

When most people talk about recreation: SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

The two are hopelessly incompatible.

Methinks y'all should hang out with some more conservative church people mayhaps. Or just merely older folks. I nearly never have this problem. :P 

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WoodwindWhistler

I wonder if the people who think sex and gender are the same thing *experience* themselves as having a gender "the most" when they are sexually attracted to someone? Like maybe all the gender indicators and trappings seem insignificant next to feeling "otherness" of the opposite?

(of course that's cishet normative but I guess I assume most LGBT people in general have done more ruminating about this stuff than average people) 

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SallyBlackwater

Having someone act weirdly nice to you and, since you're no good at reading that kind of situation, not being sure if they're trying to flirt or they're just being super friendly....

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ThatHuman

Being a Sex-Repulsed Aromantic with (plainly platonic) Sensual Attraction...

 

Sensual: LETS HUG THEM!

Aro: No.

*every movie I go to*

Sensual: Awww.

Ace: No.

Aro: ...I hate you all...

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Lemonsky

When people think I'm conveying romantic attraction or think I'm flirting when I call my friends cute or adorable or some other positive adjective. Please.

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OhDearyMe!

When all your friends say “something must be wrong with your muscles” 

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Enyo

When your mom doesn't believe you when you say you don't watch porn 😂

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Tintinfan

When you don't get a joke even after it has been explained.

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nerdperson777

Yesterday

Me: I'm going to do karaoke tomorrow night with my friends.

Aunt: Is your friend a boy or a girl?

Me: My friends are all sorts of genders.

Dad (to aunt): Why are you so nosy?

Apparently she was looking at my friends as being potential partners.

 

Today

Dad mentions that mom's bra size is double A.

Me: How do you know what bra size mom is?  (I always knew her as getting A or 'barely A'.)

Dad: We made you, how can I not?

That doesn't really correlate but thanks for making me imagine you two having sex.

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PurpleFlower

I don’t know if this is really right place for this..

I’m being home because I’m ill. Walls in here seems to be made of paper, at least I can hear way too well, how my neighbors are having sex.. again. All I can think is “do you really have to be so loud!”

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nerdperson777
3 hours ago, PurpleFlower said:

I don’t know if this is really right place for this..

I’m being home because I’m ill. Walls in here seems to be made of paper, at least I can hear way too well, how my neighbors are having sex.. again. All I can think is “do you really have to be so loud!”

I remember the paper walls from college.  The guys upstairs were really loud and we would hear random things out of context.  My friend and apartmentmate could even hear them breathing.

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ExanaZen

Having to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction to straight people, then having them ignoring everything you just said 5 minutes later...

#asexualproblems

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Fantastic Name
4 hours ago, PurpleFlower said:

I don’t know if this is really right place for this..

I’m being home because I’m ill. Walls in here seems to be made of paper, at least I can hear way too well, how my neighbors are having sex.. again. All I can think is “do you really have to be so loud!”

I never understood why people choose to have loud sex. It's unnecessary and obnoxious to everyone else nearby, so why do people still do it? I find it funny when some people make a big deal out of not wanting to have sex in public. Them having their loud sex and annoying the crap out of everyone else in the area completely defeats the purpose of that, doesn't it? :lol:

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PurpleFlower
28 minutes ago, Fantastic Name said:

I never understood why people choose to have loud sex. It's unnecessary and obnoxious to everyone else nearby, so why do people still do it? I find it funny when some people make a big deal out of not wanting to have sex in public. Them having their loud sex and annoying the crap out of everyone else in the area completely defeats the purpose of that, doesn't it? :lol:

Exactly how I think about it. If you can almost hear your neighbors conversations talked with normal voice.. Then your neighbors can definitely hear your loud sex... and that’s not cool

And in the end woman at my neighbor sounded like someone should have called ambulance for her (at least it sounded like that to me). How can that be sound of someone enjoying something...?

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A_Osmyde
58 minutes ago, PurpleFlower said:

And in the end woman at my neighbor sounded like someone should have called ambulance for her (at least it sounded like that to me). How can that be sound of someone enjoying something...?

If something like that happened to me, I'd bang on their door until someone answered, and innocently ask if everyone in the house was fine and if I should call emergency services, "because I just got home and it sounded like someone was in agonizing pain." Hopefully I'd embarrass them to the point that it never happens again.

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