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#AsexualProblems


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Hermit Advocate
15 hours ago, Xavy said:

That's interesting. I have been told the same. Although I know I don't make eye contact with other people, I seriously doubt that has anything to do with my asexuality

I have to consciously remind myself to make eye contact with people sometimes. 

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9 minutes ago, Hermit Advocate said:

I have to consciously remind myself to make eye contact with people sometimes. 

Making eye contact is so unnatural to me, that I don't even try anymore. Society should just accept that some people find this difficult to do because that's just how we are wired, and they should just stop trying to guilt or shame us into making eye contact.

 

 

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5 hours ago, Xavy said:

Making eye contact is so unnatural to me, that I don't even try anymore. Society should just accept that some people find this difficult to do because that's just how we are wired, and they should just stop trying to guilt or shame us into making eye contact.

 

 

I'm sorry, but eye-contact is a really important part of communication. Even if you can't manage it 100%, try looking in the direction of the person's face. Even peripheral vision contact is better than none. 

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nerdperson777

I can look for 10 seconds, look off to the side and then look back.  That's already after I conditioned myself out of living in an antisocial bubble.

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Telling my best friend (who is also family and we're extremely close) I'm ace and her replying with "You don't know you haven't tried it yet" followed by saying that my aroace ass is "with the idea that I'll never get a boyfriend" in a joking tone (as in, completely dismissing my orientation) at christmas -.-

 

pretty annoying but here nobody's ever heard of asexuality

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On ‎12‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 3:04 PM, Midland Tyke said:

I'm sorry, but eye-contact is a really important part of communication. Even if you can't manage it 100%, try looking in the direction of the person's face. Even peripheral vision contact is better than none. 

may i ask why exactly it is so "really important" ?

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1 hour ago, Xavy said:

may i ask why exactly it is so "really important" ?

because something over half of all communication is non-verbal. And the non-verbal half is garnered from facial (and other) expressions, and if you aren't looking at the person who is speaking you miss all of those elements.

 

There are a lot more other things (trust, for example) to it than that, but that's the cut-down version. 

 

As an example, it is possible that the whole meaning of an answer to a question can be reversed if the sayer is smiling or frowning when they say it. 

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9 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

because something over half of all communication is non-verbal. And the non-verbal half is garnered from facial (and other) expressions, and if you aren't looking at the person who is speaking you miss all of those elements.

 

There are a lot more other things (trust, for example) to it than that, but that's the cut-down version. 

 

As an example, it is possible that the whole meaning of an answer to a question can be reversed if the sayer is smiling or frowning when they say it. 

Trouble making eye contact is associated with autism, and people with autism often have trouble decoding nonverbal cues anyway.

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8 hours ago, Midland Tyke said:

it is possible that the whole meaning of an answer to a question can be reversed if the sayer is smiling or frowning when they say it. 

People with good communication skills and a strong command of the language they are speaking should not need smiles and frowns to help them get a message across. Plus, a smile / frown can be misleading as well. I still think society is too caught up in the eye contact thing.

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Asexual (homoromantic) problem no. 735972: your parents telling you they want you to have kids aka. they want to be grandparents soon. :D

Oops, sorry mom, not going to happen.

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15 hours ago, TheAP said:

Trouble making eye contact is associated with autism, and people with autism often have trouble decoding nonverbal cues anyway.

Another trick for emulating eye contact is to look at people's noses.  They can't tell, and it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as actual eye contact.

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nerdperson777
8 hours ago, rhwrd said:

Asexual (homoromantic) problem no. 735972: your parents telling you they want you to have kids aka. they want to be grandparents soon. :D

Oops, sorry mom, not going to happen.

Yeah, I'm an only child and I'm currently destroying my ovaries with testosterone.  Even if I do want genetic children, I don't think I want to go off it for a few months so they can painfully scrape some eggs out of my hole.

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@nerdperson777 Same here with being an only child, it kinda pushes the pressure even higher. :o  I really hope there will be a solution and that you can still save some eggs to make your wish come true somehow! (:

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nerdperson777
2 hours ago, rhwrd said:

@nerdperson777 Same here with being an only child, it kinda pushes the pressure even higher. :o  I really hope there will be a solution and that you can still save some eggs to make your wish come true somehow! (:

It's not really a wish.  I never thought about having children so it's not even really on my list.  I have an extra condition on my stake other than being the only child too.  I'm the only grandchild to have my grandmother's genes.  None of my mom's full siblings had children, just her.  I have many half cousins with children already.  I don't have any full cousins.  They all have my step-grandmother's genes.  (I would guess that to be the term, even though I never met her.)

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Feeling like Valentine's Day is a personal attack on you, even though you know it's actually an attack on everybody who's single #AsexualProblems

 

Having a phobia that someone, somewhere is romantically or sexually interested in you and that at some point you'll have to deal with that #AsexualProblems

Having a friendship ruined by a vague suspicion that she has a crush on you because you're intensely uncomfortable with that #AsexualProblems

Being irritated by the contradiction that you know your best friend wants to bang you and being completely comfortable with this #AsexualProblems

 

Having a personal crusade to promote the use of GSM over LGBT #AsexualProblems

Being unable to convince yourself that crusade actually matters, making you too embarrassed to tell anybody about how GSM is a better term, making the crusade totally pointless, making you even more embarrassed to tell anybody #AsexualProblems

 

Wearing an ace flag pin because you want to be open about your orientation, but are too shy to do it in a way anybody will understand #AsexualProblems

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7 minutes ago, Borg said:

Feeling like Valentine's Day is a personal attack on you, even though you know it's actually an attack on everybody who's single #AsexualProblems

 

Having a phobia that someone, somewhere is romantically or sexually interested in you and that at some point you'll have to deal with that #AsexualProblems

Having a friendship ruined by a vague suspicion that she has a crush on you because you're intensely uncomfortable with that #AsexualProblems

Being irritated by the contradiction that you know your best friend wants to bang you and being completely comfortable with this #AsexualProblems

 

Having a personal crusade to promote the use of GSM over LGBT #AsexualProblems

Being unable to convince yourself that crusade actually matters, making you too embarrassed to tell anybody about how GSM is a better term, making the crusade totally pointless, making you even more embarrassed to tell anybody #AsexualProblems

 

Wearing an ace flag pin because you want to be open about your orientation, but are too shy to do it in a way anybody will understand #AsexualProblems

What's GSM?

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nerdperson777
30 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

What's GSM?

Gender....Sexuality.....Matrix?

 

I'm kind of sure about the first two because difference in genders and sexualities is a more preferred term to cover all the identities.  

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Lucas Monteiro

From time to time my brother gives me unwanted advices about how to get women to bed or how to act on sexual things. One of the last advices went something like : "So you should use boxers briefs, women think they are more sexy, and you can try to seduce them while in bed", and then I am like *staring with a strange smile because I don't know how to react and wanting this conversation to end soon*

 

I just wish people would not include me on their sexual world. Just leave me alone here, I am happy in being in my asexual world.

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4 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

What's GSM?

Gender and Sexual Minorities. Sometimes they include an R in there too, for Romantic.

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nerdperson777
On 12/26/2017 at 4:21 PM, Midland Tyke said:

because something over half of all communication is non-verbal. And the non-verbal half is garnered from facial (and other) expressions, and if you aren't looking at the person who is speaking you miss all of those elements.

 

There are a lot more other things (trust, for example) to it than that, but that's the cut-down version. 

 

As an example, it is possible that the whole meaning of an answer to a question can be reversed if the sayer is smiling or frowning when they say it. 

I kind of have an open ended philosophy on it.  What people consider "normal" and "supposed to be" is just the common way of doing things.  In this case, eye contact is a common way of having communication.  It is common for someone to have the ability to see, so then people think of that as the most important sense one can have.  All the other senses have the same value, but as the common belief, these other senses are seen as not as important as sight.  There are many ways to have communication.  It's not only by eye contact, is what I'm saying.  Other people might find other things to communicate better, like body language, the sounds they make (verbal), what something feels like (touch), smell.  Sure if you're only going by one of the senses, you'll miss the others.

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On 9/20/2013 at 10:50 PM, bedlam ? said:

do i want to look it up

Well, adding onto the current subject...

say something that you think is innocent, turns out to be something very sexual

ridiculed #asexualproblems

I was imagining a novelty flashlight shaped like a leg and I told my friend about it and said "wouldn't it be funny if it were called a flesh light?" Needles to say I was pretty embarrassed when I found out it was already a thing D:

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This has been bugging me for a while now and gotten worse since I saw a post on FB ... and I know what the official definition is, but it's not enough of a definition, not for me at any rate, namely: when someone asks about asexuality and the lack of interest in sex and someone else insist that asexuality is only about attraction to another person and that the lack of interest in sex is a personal "issue". No, it's not. For me it's all integrated and complete. It always has been.

 

Thank you for letting me vent.

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Fantastic Name
On 12/27/2017 at 11:06 AM, Zash said:

Another trick for emulating eye contact is to look at people's noses.  They can't tell, and it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as actual eye contact.

I tried this for a few years in the past. I found myself so fixated on looking at the other person's nose that I couldn't focus on the words they were saying! :P

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Fantastic Name
22 hours ago, fuzzipueo said:

someone else insist that asexuality is only about attraction to another person and that the lack of interest in sex is a personal "issue". No, it's not. For me it's all integrated and complete. It always has been.

I can totally relate. It's kind of why I have a distaste for orientation labels. While they are useful for identifying yourself and finding your identity, I hate how they lock you into this single definition of what your orientation is. Sexual orientations are variable, and everyone's experience is bound to be different. People are too complex for binary labels.

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On 23/09/2013 at 4:46 AM, RageKing said:

sudden strong cuddling urge #asexualproblems

OMG I have that alllll the tiiiimme!

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AsexualMemeTrash
On 12/12/2017 at 4:14 AM, nerdperson777 said:

I believe since pregnancy takes about 9 months, couples have sex during the winter, around December and January, to keep warm.  November birthdays come from Valentine's Day sex.

I was supposed to be born in october lol

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WoodwindWhistler
On 12/10/2017 at 5:22 AM, nerdperson777 said:

My dad probably would want that.  Once I told him about this one time years ago mom and I went to the mall.  Macy's was on the other side of the mall from the parking lot so we had to walk a long way back.  One of the salespeople in the middle aisle persuaded my mom into buying $75 worth of beauty products.  The products were made with salt from the Dead Sea.  She bought some salt for use in a salt bath and lotion.  The salesperson said, "it's for when you shower with your husband..."  That's really funny because my mom literally gives him nothing at all (basically ace), let alone shower with him.  After hearing about that, he said "oooooooohhhhhh" in a high pitched voice.  I'm not really sure if he is still longing for mom's affection after 20+ years or any female will do.  Either way I think sex would work on him.  Plus I think all the exercise he's doing now is increasing his sex drive.  I've never heard him watch porn until this year.

Poor guy. He should maybe check out Vipassana meditation or other stuff for lowering sex drive. Some techniques might make his workouts more productive as well, I've heard. 

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When I talk about recreation: A good book and hot chocolate and maybe some Minecraft in a quiet space.

When most people talk about recreation: SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

The two are hopelessly incompatible.

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