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#AsexualProblems


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On 9/20/2013 at 3:22 PM, Xavy said:

Offering a friend a tossed salad and seeing a stupid grin appear on her face .... Of course, I meant a literal tossed salad, how was I to know they turned something so innocent into sexual innuendo ?

I literally don't get it 😂 #acelife

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This is a weird one (and actually both #asexualproblems and #aromanticproblems). I have two relative elder women, one is divorced and another one is widow. They both keep saying how they're now happier than ever for being alone, free to do what they want and would never want a man again, and they never knew they'd be happy this way (they've been both alone over a decade now, so I don't expect them change their mind anytime soon). In my ears that sounds a lot like ace, aro even, and I relate a lot. Yet, especially one of them makes a 180° ideological turn on me and tells me I shouldn't be alone, it's weird, I shouldn't waste my youth, I will love having children, I don't know what I'm missing if I'm not with anyone, I was meant to become a wife and mother. In my ears that part of their speech sounds a lot less genuine, and actually it sounds a lot like the negativity I told to myself before recognizing I'm aroace. Am I witnessing two aces who are for the first time in their lives really happy, but keep on telling me the stereotypical expectations the society have brainwashed them with? Or am I just imaging it all?

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6 hours ago, kcq said:

I literally don't get it 😂 #acelife

Do yourself a favour and don’t google it, it isn’t worth it.

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59 minutes ago, CBC said:

They might just be old and jaded. Relationships can take a lot of hard work, sometimes it's normal to idealise being single I think.

 

This one pisses me off and I'm not even aro or ace. Children definitely aren't for everyone regardless of orientation. I know I'd surely love a kid if I had one, but I also know I don't really want one and that I'm in no place to be taking on the role of parenting and never will be. It's annoying when people suggest you'll want kids or regret not having them. Some folks even get that way about having pets. Can they not comprehend that not everyone wants to be a pet owner and some people's lives will be made more stressful by having to care for something?

I can’t even be responsible to look after myself properly. Even if I wasn’t sterile and asexual I still wouldn’t want to have a child.

 

Except in one strange scenario which is only possible with time travel.

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1 hour ago, CBC said:

They might just be old and jaded. Relationships can take a lot of hard work, sometimes it's normal to idealise being single I think.

Yea I guess. I really can't tell if it sounds that way to me just because I wish there was people around I could relate to 😆

1 hour ago, CBC said:

This one pisses me off and I'm not even aro or ace. Children definitely aren't for everyone regardless of orientation. I know I'd surely love a kid if I had one, but I also know I don't really want one and that I'm in no place to be taking on the role of parenting and never will be. It's annoying when people suggest you'll want kids or regret not having them. Some folks even get that way about having pets. Can they not comprehend that not everyone wants to be a pet owner and some people's lives will be made more stressful by having to care for something?

Yea. Sometimes it even seems like people are more concerned about one being a good future pet owner than being a good future parent. You know everyone just magically turns into a great parent the moment they have a kid  😒

 

It's not even me hating kids, I actually have liked most of the kids I've met and they also seem to like me for some reason. It's just that I can't imagine being pregnant and maintaining my mental health & me not having any natural nurturing instinct or "baby fever", no need to have children of my own. You know, I can co-exist with children in this world and whenever a relative or a friend has a kid I'm happy to follow their growth. I just don't have any reason to have biological children.

 

I don't think it's fair to bring a child to the world despite all these thoughts "just because". So someone telling me I should "just try it" is as much against my morality as anything can be.

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@CBC yea I feel a lot the same way. And I know there's many stories where "the child makes the parent to grow and in the end everything turns out allright" and "despite all the struggle it's still worth it". But in any case, I think it's worth it (and fair for the child) only if you want to have a child. People sometimes do miracles when they have to, but if you don't have the motivation to do what's needed, the child (innocent helpless human) will be the one suffering. I mean, lack of skill can be fixed with learning, but motivation can't be forced.

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AceMissBehaving
5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Yep, I've heard those stories. I'd never be willing to trust it would work that way for me, personally; I'd honestly probably be more likely to be driven to suicide from overwhelming stress. So no, under no circumstances should I attempt to become a parent. (And I'm getting close to the age that I think should be the upper limit for having kids anyway. As a child of older parents, I actually think it's selfish to have children past the age of about 40.)

I feel the exact same was as you do on the subject. The nice thing about being about to hit 40 is all the targeted “tick tock make a baby!” ads, and comments go away. 

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12 hours ago, kcq said:

I literally don't get it 😂 #acelife

Please, please don't look it up! It really isn't worth it! 🤢

I just watched Parent Trap and was happier for the two twin girls being able to stay together than for their parents to get together and kiss/have sex.

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7 hours ago, Acing It said:

I just watched Parent Trap and was happier for the two twin girls being able to stay together than for their parents to get together and kiss/have sex.

Same. Now that you mention it a large part of the movie is about the parents' relationship isn't it? I hadn't thought about it before, but like you, I was into it for the girls' story.

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So, I’m not completely sex repulsed. I don’t mind when friends are joking about things, and I will participate in the joking. I don’t mind if in the joking, I’m hypothetically involved in the sexual activity. Last night in a group chat though, my friends got serious (the younger person in the group asked when everyone’s first time was). I did not want to know that. I’m perfectly happy knowing that’s going on, but I do not need to know when it’s going on. 

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When you receive unsolicited advice about your appearance from a coworker whose opinion, frankly, matters less to you than a random stranger's ...

https://photos.app.goo.gl/yQ8u3QsU3S5hWdoC6

Also, my husband works at the same place. Different section. Same place. Coworker knows this. 

Still felt compelled to give me advice on what not to wear so I would look better. I am not paid to look attractive, I am paid to educate people on pet care. And I make more at my other job. 🤨

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On Saturday night I was on discord and a drunk girl decided to give me the middle finger. She DMed me a picture of a topless woman (it looked like it was painted) and then IMMEDIATELY went to DM brag about it. The moment that my brain processed what had happened, I blocked her and closed my DMs with her. The moment that I closed my DMs I got an “@“ within a private server from a friend to apologize to me for her behavior.. I don’t think that I talked to a single person after that for that day that hadn’t heard of that happening (luckily I was able to get her banned from a few servers for that behavior). I still feel furious thinking about the event.

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THE HOBBIT HEATHEN

My mother-in-law always would always ask my wife and I when were we giving her grand children. We tried every excuses we could, even saying we were not financially capable of raising one. Her response was that she would buy us whatever we needed. One day I finally looked at her and said “you gotta have sex to have a kid”. She immediately looked at my wife and asked why aren’t we having sex. We plainly told her it’s not something we are interested in. I don’t think she’s ever understood our response. My in laws are VERY active. They don’t care whose in the house or who can hear them.  I think she is slowly getting over the fact she will never have grand children. My wife and I didn’t know we were both asexual before dating, but we both were agreed to never having kids. 

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4 hours ago, frodobelle said:

When you receive unsolicited advice about your appearance from a coworker whose opinion, frankly, matters less to you than a random stranger's ...

https://photos.app.goo.gl/yQ8u3QsU3S5hWdoC6

Also, my husband works at the same place. Different section. Same place. Coworker knows this. 

Still felt compelled to give me advice on what not to wear so I would look better. I am not paid to look attractive, I am paid to educate people on pet care. And I make more at my other job. 🤨

Steve needs to eff off, he should have said something about the chameleon sooner. If he says anything again you can just be like “yes, because I live for your approval.” Or if he becomes a regular nuisance, go to HR. You don’t get paid to tolerate that ish.

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1 hour ago, THE HOBBIT HEATHEN said:

My mother-in-law always would always ask my wife and I when were we giving her grand children. We tried every excuses we could, even saying we were not financially capable of raising one. Her response was that she would buy us whatever we needed. One day I finally looked at her and said “you gotta have sex to have a kid”. She immediately looked at my wife and asked why aren’t we having sex. We plainly told her it’s not something we are interested in. I don’t think she’s ever understood our response. My in laws are VERY active. They don’t care whose in the house or who can hear them.  I think she is slowly getting over the fact she will never have grand children. My wife and I didn’t know we were both asexual before dating, but we both were agreed to never having kids. 

Good for you for finding each others tho! People's opinions are a nuisance sometimes, but it's easier when you have someone around who understands and you can laugh for them with :)

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12 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Steve needs to eff off, he should have said something about the chameleon sooner. If he says anything again you can just be like “yes, because I live for your approval.” Or if he becomes a regular nuisance, go to HR. You don’t get paid to tolerate that ish.

You should tell him 'I don't dress for the male gaze.' That'll really confuse him.

 

12 hours ago, THE HOBBIT HEATHEN said:

My mother-in-law always would always ask my wife and I when were we giving her grand children. We tried every excuses we could, even saying we were not financially capable of raising one. Her response was that she would buy us whatever we needed. One day I finally looked at her and said “you gotta have sex to have a kid”. She immediately looked at my wife and asked why aren’t we having sex. We plainly told her it’s not something we are interested in. I don’t think she’s ever understood our response. My in laws are VERY active. They don’t care whose in the house or who can hear them.  I think she is slowly getting over the fact she will never have grand children. My wife and I didn’t know we were both asexual before dating, but we both were agreed to never having kids. 

We will probably never have grandchildren and we are okay with that, something other people find odd. If one shows up, I'm sure we'll love it and do all the grandparent things, but there is so much mental illness in my side of the family (doesn't everyone have multiple cousins who talked to dead people and hears voices? Weird how I thought this was normal when I was growing up.)...and my own mother had delusional disorder and our daughter is bi-polar so to us, it's just as well.

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At the risk of coming off as a hateful individual, after working in an environment where hearing kids scream their heads off is fairly common, I have absolutely no desire to have kids. I’m sorry, but OML it is so frustrating and annoying to listen to some kid make one of the most grating sounds ever conceived nonstop as they march around in my general vicinity for what seems like an eternity. Then some will spill crap on the floor or pick something up and drop it wayyyy away from its home location, and my coworkers and I have to clean it up. I think I’d snap if I had to raise a child. Just looking after my kid cousin for a while gives me a headache as I have to listen to constant poop jokes. Bastard once swapped my water out with ****ing soap which nearly made me vomit; the substance could’ve been toxic too. So yeah, no thanks. **** that.

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I was hanging out with my cousin and her boyfriend in my car a while back and she brought up my asexuality (don't remember why), and asked me some question like,

"So if you had to choose between letting your mom die or have sex, what would you do?"

"Ummm probably sex."

"What? But you're asexual!"

 

Lol she ended up thinking I had a crush on her boyfriend I only knew for like a month.

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1 hour ago, NoMansWifi said:

I was hanging out with my cousin and her boyfriend in my car a while back and she brought up my asexuality (don't remember why), and asked me some question like,

"So if you had to choose between letting your mom die or have sex, what would you do?"

"Ummm probably sex."

"What? But you're asexual!"

 

Lol she ended up thinking I had a crush on her boyfriend I only knew for like a month.

It's not like sex was mortal to aces 😂 you should've let her know that some aces even enjoy sex 😉 seriously tho, when will people learn that actions don't define your sexual orientation? I feel like people need to be educated about the same thing over and over again every time a new sexual orientation becomes recognized by the pubic 😅

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AceMissBehaving

A Stanley Kubric themed show I’m performing in is coming up, and for the big full cast finale number they are talking about doing a comedy recreation of the disappointing orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut.

 

I can give “come hither” eyes, get naked, and do all kinds of “sexy stuff” on stage, but anything that even eludes to an actual  sex act makes me want to wither up and die. I’m hoping they’ll let me sit in a corner and read a book.

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31 minutes ago, naakka said:

It's not like sex was mortal to aces 😂 you should've let her know that some aces even enjoy sex 😉 seriously tho, when will people learn that actions don't define your sexual orientation? I feel like people need to be educated about the same thing over and over again every time a new sexual orientation becomes recognized by the pubic 😅

Reminds me of when I went to see Deadpool with my dad and my sister.  We got to the strip club scene and my sister covered her eyes while I just kept watching and she asked me why I wasn't covering my eyes.  I just told her that it didn't bother me.

 

Guess she figured I was nudity-averse

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@Bronztrooper If she as an allo person covered her eyes, maybe that scene had greater impact on her due to her sexuality? ;)

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Knowing your refunds will continue to be trash because finding an asexual to be in a QPR with, FAR LESS get married to, is damn near impossible. #asexualproblems

 

Seriously ugh. I feel like I’ve had a $1,000 stolen and gotten a penny as a consolation prize.

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Having to analyze a scene, but you can't find the flirting and allusions to sex you're supposed to write about. #AsexualProblems

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21 hours ago, naakka said:

@Bronztrooper If she as an allo person covered her eyes, maybe that scene had greater impact on her due to her sexuality? ;)

Well, she is straight, but I do think it has something to do with how my mom would always try to cover our eyes whenever a sex scene would show up in a movie, even when both of us were in our teens.  Could be wrong about that, but still possible.

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When you're talking about celebrity crushes and you tell your sister you'd rather be related to them than dating them and she says that's weird and you agree but then a year later you find out you're asexual, Rip, should've found that one out sooner

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Tmi: 

 

Me, during every pms when I am bored/have time: Hghhh I want to look at porn today, clearly I am not even asexual for real, I am such a FAKE!!! Lol!! I do have them urges After All! They just do not involve wanting a partner? Guess I am growing up! Gotta do some reading on AVEN to figure out that orientation! 

 

Me, as soon as I am my body is done menstruating: why do people have sex? Tf is wrong with people to even have sex on their minds? Come to think of it, tf is wrong with me for not having?!? 

 

Spin endlessly or at least for over a decade now. 

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On 1/30/2020 at 10:40 AM, NoMansWifi said:

I was hanging out with my cousin and her boyfriend in my car a while back and she brought up my asexuality (don't remember why), and asked me some question like,

"So if you had to choose between letting your mom die or have sex, what would you do?"

"Ummm probably sex."

"What? But you're asexual!"

 

Lol she ended up thinking I had a crush on her boyfriend I only knew for like a month.

What the hell situation would this be? Like I’m kidnapped, and if I don’t have get raped by the kidnapper, they kill my mom? I mean, I guess I’d let them rape me. Though could this person even be trusted to let us free anyway?

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8 hours ago, Hanas said:

Tmi: 

 

Me, during every pms when I am bored/have time: Hghhh I want to look at porn today, clearly I am not even asexual for real, I am such a FAKE!!! Lol!! I do have them urges After All! They just do not involve wanting a partner? Guess I am growing up! Gotta do some reading on AVEN to figure out that orientation! 

 

Me, as soon as I am my body is done menstruating: why do people have sex? Tf is wrong with people to even have sex on their minds? Come to think of it, tf is wrong with me for not having?!? 

 

Spin endlessly or at least for over a decade now. 

I can relate :D it's confusing when your libido temporarily rises up but does not follow with any sort of sexual attraction towards anyone to make any sense :rolleyes: it's like "I'm hungry but not for anything edible!"

Edited by naakka
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