#AsexualProblems

[griffinej5]

It’s such a load of shit that someone is picking on you because they like you. If that’s the case, they need to be taught a better way to express that, and to back the hell off if it’s not reciprocated. 

I think that kids didn’t physically bully me when I was a kid because I was big. I was always one of the tallest kids. I also hung around boys, and would play Mortal Kombat with them (for some reason we were allowed to play battle each other). On the occasions the verbal bullying went too far, then I would get aggressive to shut them up. That only happened twice all the way through school, and I’d strike once and not keeping fighting. One of the times, I kicked a boy, and I got detention for refusing to apologize. I really don’t think that teacher thought I was entirely in the wrong, she tried to give me a way out, but I was the one who got aggressive. I was not sorry, so I went to detention. 

11 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

Favoritism comes into play as well.  Case in point: before my first fight, a friend of mine got attacked by a girl, but he just focused on getting her off of him because he knew that if he fought back the other kids wouldn't went at him.  When my dad talked to the principal about it, the latter made all these excuses for the girl and went on about how her family was apparently going through rough times (which was rather insulting since my family has gone through a lot of shit too and the guy tried to make it seem like going through rough times makes getting into fights ok), which obviously pissed off my dad, who started cursing him out.

.

I recall my dad being told the other kid is  going through a rough time story too in the other instance where I actually aggressed on someone for verbal bullying. I’m sorry, but if we use that logic,  then I guess everyone who was ever abused is doomed to grow up to be an abuser. 

[Zagadka]

Why would someone even want to reciprocate feelings of love expressed aggressively? That seems just so counterintuitive.

[Laplace]

It doesn’t matter if the kid who started it is going through “hard times.” Like, would you ever try to defend yourselves in court with the excuse that “I’m going through hard times?” Dafuq? That doesn’t excuse blatantly bad behavior. I’ve never had to strike someone thankfully, partly cause most people weren’t quite stupid enough to start a fight at my school. I was only somewhat strong, but I had a fair amount of reinforcements to call in at nearly all times. Plus, my quiet reputation probably made me seem a bit unpredictable.

[Bronztrooper]

2 minutes ago, Laplace said:

It doesn’t matter if the kid who started it is going through “hard times.” Like, would you ever try to defend yourselves in court with the excuse that “I’m going through hard times?” Dafuq? That doesn’t excuse blatantly bad behavior. I’ve never had to strike someone thankfully, partly cause most people weren’t quite stupid enough to start a fight at my school. I was only somewhat strong, but I had a fair amount of reinforcements to call in at nearly all times. Plus, my quiet reputation probably made me seem a bit unpredictable.

Well, I was always the quiet kid and I usually keep to myself, so when word got out that I'd snapped and beat up a kid (which was the next day since one of the kids that saw it was also in a couple of classes with me), everyone was surprised and kept asking me about while I just wanted to forget about it.  I have a lot of patience and the fact that it took as long as it did for me to finally snap (about 10 years) should say a lot.  I don't like fighting people and even when I'm seriously pissed off, my first instinct is to hit objects, not people (and even then, I'm able to maintain enough control that I make sure to only hit soft stuff like cushions or pillows regardless of how much I may want to break something).  So, for me to get to the point where I try to hit them is sort of a 'point of no return' for me, I guess.

[duddess_ebster]

I've been very slow in "coming out" as ace to my friends/family. However, I was ranting to one my bi/queer friends the other day about an interaction I had on Bumble and was showing him the messages, one of which I mentioned I was ace in. I was like, "Haha. Surprise..." His response? "No worries. I thought I was ace too for a while." Um... pretty sure this is an actual thing for me. #asexualproblems #notjustaphase

[Guest]

On 7/17/2019 at 11:02 PM, Strifed said:

omg are you me on the whole "Relationships sound nice as an idea" part lol? I have always imagined so many cute romantic scenarios and just cutie things ever since idk when, but when it involves an actual person I have negative infinity interest. When I think about it, I think I have the potential to be a good partner (I'm almost a "mom" friend when I really am close to a friend/like them), but only if I actually was a romantic and wasn't just a romantic in my head. When guys (or girls...) like me I avoid them like crazy to get them to stop it, and I know it sounds cruel and I feel awful doing it bc it hurts the guys, but it just makes me so uncomfortable when someone thinks of me in that way. There was a guy at my past job that really liked me and would blush whenever we'd talk and it was the cutest thing, but I just could not connect with him on that level and it grossed me out knowing he probably had other thoughts/ideas about me when I just wanted to be friends. Looking back at it I'm not really proud of how avoidant I was of him, we could've been friends (and I know it sounds weird but I miss the way he smelled :<), but I was too afraid of him trying to be "friends" to get something more like so many other guys have done to me + then either disappear on me or get really mean, aggressive and belittle me for not returning his feelings. And my brain kinda works like a switch in that way, if I know someone likes me in a romantic/sexual way I have an extremely hard time being around them/remaining friends because it just weirds me out that they feel that way. Likes yes, I am glad you find me attractive and you like my personality, but... can you not want those things? 😩 Or keep it to yourself and not be so obvious like stop staring at my ass every time I walk by 😩

Right?!! I love the idea of watching Netflix with someone, driving around at 2 am to get frappes at the GOOD McDonald’s by 75 {is that just me? Am I the only one will drive five miles out of be way to go to a better restaurant?}, or getting Uber eats or watching scary movies together. But I honestly wouldn’t even know how to get to that point with someone. I’m not the most socially adept person. I had two really close friends in high school, that was it. Neither of them speak to me any more since I allowed one to live with me and be my roommate and then had to ask her to leave because of issues. We were friends for five years. If it took me that long to get comfortable with someone of the same gender that I saw daily for a year and weekly for four years, someone that I shared a lot of interests and beliefs with, how am I supposed to find someone and get comfortable with them without having those commonalities? 

 

Honestly life, especially finding a partner, if I were to pursue that, would be SO MUCH easier, if it were like a video game where you could click on someone’s attributes so that you’d know not even to try. An attribute list like “likes books, movies, pluviophile, loves dogs,” would tell me that’s a person very much like myself {my descriptors basically}, whereas someone who’s attribute list said “likes cats, not into books, loves flying,” is someone I wouldn’t be compatible with because I don’t like cats, I love reading, and planes scare the daylights out of me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Finding a partner to me seems as much of a PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY as it would be if you stick me on a desert island with a bunch of 2x4s and a hammer and told me to build a roller coaster. I would not even begin to know where to start. And, as cute as I think a relationship could be, aside from the difficulty of starting, is the very really possibility it could and probably would end, and messily at that.  I’m an avoidant personality type, and I’m sure that contributes to this, but I just can’t see getting attached to someone who will most likely leave. Even BEST CASE SCENARIO, and they don’t leave, then what? I tried the roommate thing it didn’t work. I lost my best friend of 5 years because she didn’t respect house rules and was lax on paying bills. I don’t imagine a spouse would be any better. Plus, I like my down time. I enjoy reading in silence or listening to the rain or even just doing nothing and being with my thoughts when I feel particularly poetic. I wouldn’t want a spouse bothering me in those moments of peace to ask want I want for breakfast, or if I’ll go for a drive, or what have you. I’m incredibly selfish, I get it, to want closeness when I’m lonely and solitude when I’m not, but that’s just how I am 🤷🏻‍♀️.

 

I don’t blame you for how you treated your former coworker. Some people might say “oh you shouldn’t let your experiences with other guys influence how you treat him,” but I will politely disagree. If other guys have used you wanting something else, you are within your right to avoid this coworker. It’s an adaptive advantage, humans have gotten good at pattern recognition and picking up on consequences. If every time you went outside you got stuck by a porcupine, avoiding the outdoors and porcupines would be smart. No one could reasonably say to you “oh! Not all porcupines! You shouldn’t judge this new porcupine just because the last ten you saw this week stuck you,” you know?

 

i get it. It is extremely uncomfortable. One person just once in my life made a hitting on me type comment and I wanted to gag, it made me physically ill. It was so awkward too, and in front of my mom at that! Made me want to run away and hide in the car. 

 

Also, as to your mom not understanding aesthetic attraction, I’d liken it to food. My favorite analogy is plating and fish. Gordon Ramsey has a video of doing fish and chips, and they look bomb. The fish is golden orange like you imagine the perfect fried food to be, they look crispy and flaky. The plating is nice too, and the cinematography as the cameraman zooms into the final dish is on point. I appreciate that video as a recipe and a creative work. However, I would still not eat the fish, because I hate fish. To me, fish has always had the taste and mouthfeel of biting into a ziplock bag filled with ocean water. Always. Aesthetic / sexual attraction is the same way. You can think fish looks good without wanting to eat it, you can think a person looks good without wanting to frickfrack with them. If someone questions you I’d ask them if they want to frickfrack everyone they see too. 

[naakka]

On 7/18/2019 at 7:10 PM, Strifed said:

Everyone seems to be either confused or offended by my orientation LOL. If people don't think I'm gay, then they just think I'm shy and playing hard to get. Or both... which leads to a whole nother can of worms because women liking me makes me feel even more uncomfortable than a man. And when I show disinterest in men or tell them no or lo and behold they see I have a dude on my phone wp (lowkey I do it on purpose to keep people away. I love the "boyfriend" style selfies!) they get all hostile and get personally offended by random dude on my phone or by me saying no. And it's not like I say, "Ew boy get away from me!!!!!" it's legit a "I am not interested" while also making an uncomfortable face and moving away. Just... college boys and dude from work took everything wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too personally. A girl saying no never ever means anything is wrong with you as a person. Maybe you aren't her type? Maybe she has a boyfriend? Maybe she's going through something and doesn't want to date right now? Chill tf out.

 

And you're right about happiness. I never came out as ace to anyone IRL but my brother, but I feel like my parents would try to "pray it out of me?!?!?!?!" and people IRL would just say, "OH YOU HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT MAN YET!" and force dates on me. I did meet someone at work though that understood that I just did not want a boyfriend just because, and she was nice about it, but I wish more people were understanding like her...

 

Haha! My definition of "dating" is a QPR honestly lmao. When I was younger I used to daydream about being close to a guy and being bffs and having all this fun together. That is what I thought dating was until everyone else in middle school revealed their naughty fantasies and I was like  LMAO. ah yes, it is very hard to navigate those kinds of things. I found that by being nice and friendly to men sometimes equals "I LIKE YOU!" and they took it the wrong way and it's... so confusing to me! I just want to tell you hi and talk to you about your weekend and hang out at a baseball game. Why does that have to equal me liking you? 😭 Aw Well sometimes you do need a break from people to sort yourself out. At least I think it's unfair to to potentially hurt people while you try to sort things out. I'm glad to hear that things are working better for you though! and you're right, we shouldn't have to. I can't say I've ever felt the need to isolate myself (minus the whole avoiding guys part oof), but I think part of what can help is raising more awareness that, "Hey, some people don't like any kinds of people or genders! And that's OK! Don't bully them or force them into dating!!". For other stuff though, I just try to find other topics to talk to people about, and if they ask about a bf I've just gotten to the point I say, "Not interested." (if it's a friend or someone I want to stay in contact with) and if they keep asking why, just firmly say "idc about that sort of thing." Or if it's some creeper/stranger I go into the usual, "OH YEAH THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND CHARLIE!" (or whatever his name is for the day) LMAO. I think it's a damn shame you have to lie to make the creepers go away, but it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

 

 

@Laplace my parents do that mixed signal thing too, but... in this really special way. I can't really figure it out? There was a guy I was friends with in college that liked me, and I told my mom I hang out with him sometimes and I started describing him and RIP (I don't want to go into what she said because it was offensive and I told her, "Looks don't matter tf"). It's like if the guys don't match her tastes or what she wants she doesn't like them...? But now apparently all men are OK? I can't even describe it but it's like she wanted this perfect guy for me that's impossible to have, but now she just wants me to be with anyone who isn't an axe murderer. So weird... 

I guess I'm very late lol. Anyhow, yea, it really seems that when people themselves are very allosexual, they can't see anyone's point of view from any other perspective. Like "me being nice aims at getting sexual so everything nice anyone does must aim to the same goal" = =' sometimes it's just irritating but sometimes it can make you feel very uncomfortable or unsafe even. I've solved the problem by getting very careful at whom aim smiling at, at which context and after what kind of conversation. Often I'm just too lazy at decoding allo-communication and just try not to smile too much in general (which is hard for me, for I'm naturally smily person)... but even "being distant" is just another challenge to some people. So I solved the problem even with more certain success, and simply don't go to places (such as clubs) where people of my age hang out to find a date. Not a huge loss after all, since I hate loud music, crowded places and drinks as well lol. Sometimes I miss the "hanging out" aspect of these places, but I've simply come to conclusion you can't have carefree hanging out without the dating/sexuality aspect always waiting behind the corner. We definitely need more ace-friendly hanging out places such as libraries 

 

I wonder if religious people could tolerate ace better than allosexual orientations? Kinda like abstinence but not voluntary/ a choice? That's just my theory tho. I find the assumptions people around you make, both awkward and harmful, I'm not been seen as who I am and thus can't fully live my life among people as me. I'm very lucky for my family isn't religious at all and I think they wouldn't react really badly if I came out. It's rather I've tried but as you know they just dodge the whole subject (while I don't have the courage to just state I'm ace). 

 

I've actually been thinking of starting "a relationship of your dreams vers. ace" thread here, if one doesn't already exist 😀 where fellow aces could daydream about the relationship of their dreams. I mean, there's literally nothing about (committed) QPR:s in the media or literature, so we really should have a place for our daydreams like everyone else does 😅

 

It was nice to chat, have a nice day!

[nerdperson777]

On 7/20/2019 at 1:46 PM, Aldis Friedman said:

As you probably already know, I'm about to become an exchange student. And I swear, every day, my mother jokes that I will return with a husband! I don't want to say anything about my orientation yet, so for now, I just awkwardly laugh… 😂

I went to an LGBT+ convention and my dad made a joke that I would come back with a girlfriend.  He made a homophobic joke by misgendering me and it's like he gives no heed to the fact that I was never interested in anyone ever?

 

On 7/20/2019 at 10:07 PM, Laplace said:

It doesn’t matter if the kid who started it is going through “hard times.” Like, would you ever try to defend yourselves in court with the excuse that “I’m going through hard times?” Dafuq? That doesn’t excuse blatantly bad behavior. I’ve never had to strike someone thankfully, partly cause most people weren’t quite stupid enough to start a fight at my school. I was only somewhat strong, but I had a fair amount of reinforcements to call in at nearly all times. Plus, my quiet reputation probably made me seem a bit unpredictable.

It is a reason, but not an excuse.  They still have to take responsibility for what they've done.  My dad doesn't see it this way though.  He believes in elder privilege (while denying one of his sisters it because she's not smart even though she's older).  He said something about a situation of a car accident.  He said that a police officer would give me a ticket but not him because he's older.  That doesn't make any sense.  They don't have a radar before they pull you over for something that detects the age of the driver.  Then one he took the car and ran off for two weeks because my mom and I insulted him for telling a truth.  We had borrowed my uncle's van at the time so that each of us could drive somewhere if we needed.  I was using the van until dad came back.  I didn't know if I could use his car because he was probably still feuding with us.  He told me that I wasn't allowed to drive the van because we didn't have insurance on it.  But he let himself drive it.  He doesn't have insurance on it either, but I know if I called him out on it, he would say because he's older.

 

14 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Also, as to your mom not understanding aesthetic attraction, I’d liken it to food. My favorite analogy is plating and fish. Gordon Ramsey has a video of doing fish and chips, and they look bomb. The fish is golden orange like you imagine the perfect fried food to be, they look crispy and flaky. The plating is nice too, and the cinematography as the cameraman zooms into the final dish is on point. I appreciate that video as a recipe and a creative work. However, I would still not eat the fish, because I hate fish. To me, fish has always had the taste and mouthfeel of biting into a ziplock bag filled with ocean water. Always. Aesthetic / sexual attraction is the same way. You can think fish looks good without wanting to eat it, you can think a person looks good without wanting to frickfrack with them. If someone questions you I’d ask them if they want to frickfrack everyone they see too. 

I lived with a group of LGBT+ people one summer.  One roommate had an analogy for another to describe polyamory.  Roommate #1 asked #2 what her favorite pastry or cookie was.  She had a hard time deciding because she liked all of them.

[firebird8]

Bullying has been ignored in schools as though it was a childhood rite that everyone should just have to pass through, and I think that's reprehensible.

 

[Guest]

Have you ever tried reading fanfiction? Because I have and it's very hard to find one that doesn't revolve around sex! I swear the people in my fandom are obsessed with gay sex because that's all they write about. I eventually gave up trying to find stories. 😂

[frodobelle]

On 9/21/2013 at 12:25 AM, Timothy P. said:

I would suggest not looking it up, its quite nasty.

Wait, I thought it was just a suburban or urban vegetarian variation on "rolling in the hay" o_0 Frick, I thought I'd actualky gotten that reference.

[Bronztrooper]

5 hours ago, Aldis Friedman said:

Have you ever tried reading fanfiction? Because I have and it's very hard to find one that doesn't revolve around sex! I swear the people in my fandom are obsessed with gay sex because that's all they write about. I eventually gave up trying to find stories. 😂

Aren't you able to select filters to weed out the fanfics you're not interested in?

 

Also, what fandom are you in?  Guessing one where the majority of characters are male (which doesn't narrow things down...).

[Custard Cream]

7 hours ago, Aldis Friedman said:

Have you ever tried reading fanfiction? Because I have and it's very hard to find one that doesn't revolve around sex! I swear the people in my fandom are obsessed with gay sex because that's all they write about. I eventually gave up trying to find stories. 😂

My sister-in-law writes fanfics. Also erotica. Says it all, really. And yes, I have to read it, because we support each other. And no, she doesn't know I'm ace, and isn't likely to guess!

[Guest]

2 hours ago, CustardCream said:

My sister-in-law writes fanfics. Also erotica. Says it all, really. And yes, I have to read it, because we support each other. And no, she doesn't know I'm ace, and isn't likely to guess!

That must be weird to read!

 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Aren't you able to select filters to weed out the fanfics you're not interested in?

 

Also, what fandom are you in?  Guessing one where the majority of characters are male (which doesn't narrow things down...).

Yes, filters do exist. But the vast majority of the fanfics are smut. Besides, even the ones which are not smut are still a lot themed around sex (e.g. the characters making constant references to their sexual life)

It's just really hard! 😂

 

I'm in the Phandom! That's the fandom dedicated to British Youtubers Dan and Phil. Have you read my posts recently? If not, I'm in a bit of a crisis regarding them at the moment because I feel left out. I also don't think I'm the target audience anymore… So for now, I'm taking a small break.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Problem with filtering is that you usually have to filter out by 'mature', and I wanna read the mature stuff, just not sexual!

[Custard Cream]

1 hour ago, Aldis Friedman said:

That must be weird to read!

 

I'm used to it now! It's well written, which helps. We always have random conversations which usually leave us both in fits of laughter. This one is true.

Her: I absolutely do want to do it you know. Get a little gift shop, with a treatment room so I can do my hypnotherapy there...

Me: yes, that sounds cool.

Her: ... and ideally a dungeon too.

[nerdperson777]

I was trying to find my friend a birthday present.  I don't tend to know too much about people unless they explicitly tell me or whatever.  So I know that she likes d.va the Overwatch character.  I just searched d.va in Amazon to see what comes up.  Apparently there's a vibrator made by a company called D'va.  That's not what I wanted to see in my search results.  I linked it to my other roommate to confirm, as it was called a 'pleasure massager' in the official name.  I was correct.  I don't really know what a vibrator looks like but I think I've seen enough of Transthetics products to recognize that it looked like the Vibe/Bono.  Guess I had a trans moment in there too.

[Bronztrooper]

12 hours ago, Aldis Friedman said:

Yes, filters do exist. But the vast majority of the fanfics are smut. Besides, even the ones which are not smut are still a lot themed around sex (e.g. the characters making constant references to their sexual life)

It's just really hard! 😂

 

I'm in the Phandom! That's the fandom dedicated to British Youtubers Dan and Phil. Have you read my posts recently? If not, I'm in a bit of a crisis regarding them at the moment because I feel left out. I also don't think I'm the target audience anymore… So for now, I'm taking a small break.

Oh.  Well, that.... is worse, tbh.  I'll never understand shipping people irl- fictional characters is fine, but real people is creepy.

 

I'm aware of them, though I don't really know what exactly their videos are about (I'm also aware of the shipping).   If I was a bigger YTer that had a fandom and found out people were shipping me with other people to the point that they were writing fanfics, I would probably say something along the lines of 'pls don't- or, at the very least, don't send that stuff to me' and if people got mad about it, oh well.

 

As for fanfics I've read, most were Dragon Age fanfics, though there were a couple Mass Effect and Fallout ones I've read (honestly, the best one I've read was a Fallout one) and while I don't really care about reading smut, I'd rather avoid fanfics that have smut scenes show up within the first couple of chapters.  In general, though, I tend to stick to T-rated fanfics (only really use fanfiction.net).

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Oh.  Well, that.... is worse, tbh.  I'll never understand shipping people irl- fictional characters is fine, but real people is creepy.

 

I'm aware of them, though I don't really know what exactly their videos are about (I'm also aware of the shipping).   If I was a bigger YTer that had a fandom and found out people were shipping me with other people to the point that they were writing fanfics, I would probably say something along the lines of 'pls don't- or, at the very least, don't send that stuff to me' and if people got mad about it, oh well.

That's exactly it! The shipping has gone way out of hand in the Phandom. I swear, fans look for every little 'hint' that they might be dating. They just overanalyse everything like 'OMG they made eye contact phan is real!!!!!' (I wish I were joking)

To be honest, most of the fans seem to be in the Phandom just because they look cute together. Can you imagine that? They don't even care about their videos. Right now, Dan and Phil have been on hiatus on their gaming channel for several months. It's possible that they were tired of all the shipping and over-analysing.

And the worst about that? Dan clearly said in his coming out video that he won't be confirming his relationship status with Phil because he and Phil like to keep these things private. I completely agree with them and think that's a great decision. Unfortunately, the fans don't listen and still look for 'evidence'… It's just so invasive!

Sorry for the off-topic, but it's so ridiculous! Also, since I'm aroace, I'm not much interested in shipping, so I'm left out by many fans. Some may even call you homophobic if you don't ship them… 

 

[Bronztrooper]

2 minutes ago, Aldis Friedman said:

That's exactly it! The shipping has gone way out of hand in the Phandom. I swear, fans look for every little 'hint' that they might be dating. They just overanalyse everything like 'OMG they made eye contact phan is real!!!!!' (I wish I were joking)

To be honest, most of the fans seem to be in the Phandom just because they look cute together. Can you imagine that? They don't even care about their videos. Right now, Dan and Phil have been on hiatus on their gaming channel for several months. It's possible that they were tired of all the shipping and over-analysing.

And the worst about that? Dan clearly said in his coming out video that he won't be confirming his relationship status with Phil because he and Phil like to keep these things private. I completely agree with them and think that's a great decision. Unfortunately, the fans don't listen and still look for 'evidence'… It's just so invasive!

Sorry for the off-topic, but it's so ridiculous! Also, since I'm aroace, I'm not much interested in shipping, so I'm left out by many fans. Some may even call you homophobic if you don't ship them… 

 

Thing is, the ones that scream 'homophobia!' at anyone that doesn't ship a popular m/m pairing in any fandom are really just young straight girls who fetishize gay men.  It's an issue in the Dragon Age fandom because the most popular m/m ship has more than a few elements of an unhealthy relationship (it can happen in-game if you don't romance either of them and let their banter play out) and plenty of gay men say they don't like that ship because of it.

 

And another fandom I'm in has 1 of the biggest ships be f/f and thevpeople who ship it read way too much into the smallest things that really don't mean anything (people are going crazy about the pairing being 'confirmed' as of the last volume, but I'm skeptical about it because, while one of them I can get being bi (both have a canon interest in men), with the other one I feel it's a bit of a stretch since she's shown no interest in women whatsoever (I personally feel like the former is interested in the latter, while the latter doesn't fully realize this, but is much more tactile, and thus could lead to misunderstandings).  It's one of those ships that fans end up being rabid about.

 

As for me, I only really ship pairings that look like they're gonna happen, and even then I only ship romantically.  Most people seem to ship pairings sexually first, then tack on the romantic part later.  At least, that's what it feels like...

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

Thing is, the ones that scream 'homophobia!' at anyone that doesn't ship a popular m/m pairing in any fandom are really just young straight girls who fetishize gay men.  It's an issue in the Dragon Age fandom because the most popular m/m ship has more than a few elements of an unhealthy relationship (it can happen in-game if you don't romance either of them and let their banter play out) and plenty of gay men say they don't like that ship because of it.

 

And another fandom I'm in has 1 of the biggest ships be f/f and thevpeople who ship it read way too much into the smallest things that really don't mean anything (people are going crazy about the pairing being 'confirmed' as of the last volume, but I'm skeptical about it because, while one of them I can get being bi (both have a canon interest in men), with the other one I feel it's a bit of a stretch since she's shown no interest in women whatsoever (I personally feel like the former is interested in the latter, while the latter doesn't fully realize this, but is much more tactile, and thus could lead to misunderstandings).  It's one of those ships that fans end up being rabid about.

 

As for me, I only really ship pairings that look like they're gonna happen, and even then I only ship romantically.  Most people seem to ship pairings sexually first, then tack on the romantic part later.  At least, that's what it feels like...

Yes, I agree with that. Back in the fandom I used to be in, I used to ship romantically a canon couple. It's ridiculous how ships (some of them being far-fetched) become more important than canon for most fans. In any case, fandom culture tends to be very off-putting.

[Destan]

10 hours ago, Aldis Friedman said:

That's exactly it! The shipping has gone way out of hand in the Phandom. I swear, fans look for every little 'hint' that they might be dating. They just overanalyse everything like 'OMG they made eye contact phan is real!!!!!' (I wish I were joking)

To be honest, most of the fans seem to be in the Phandom just because they look cute together. Can you imagine that? They don't even care about their videos. Right now, Dan and Phil have been on hiatus on their gaming channel for several months. It's possible that they were tired of all the shipping and over-analysing.

And the worst about that? Dan clearly said in his coming out video that he won't be confirming his relationship status with Phil because he and Phil like to keep these things private. I completely agree with them and think that's a great decision. Unfortunately, the fans don't listen and still look for 'evidence'… It's just so invasive!

Sorry for the off-topic, but it's so ridiculous! Also, since I'm aroace, I'm not much interested in shipping, so I'm left out by many fans. Some may even call you homophobic if you don't ship them…

I agree with you. I don't follow them but my sister watched some of their videos. When my sister told me about the coming out videos, I had a feeling something like that would happen. I feel bad for them. I've seen people calling others homophobic for that reason and I find that ridiculous. I'm sorry you're left out.

10 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Thing is, the ones that scream 'homophobia!' at anyone that doesn't ship a popular m/m pairing in any fandom are really just young straight girls who fetishize gay men.  It's an issue in the Dragon Age fandom because the most popular m/m ship has more than a few elements of an unhealthy relationship (it can happen in-game if you don't romance either of them and let their banter play out) and plenty of gay men say they don't like that ship because of it.

I think it's an issue in every fandom. Even though I'm part of some fandoms, I'm not really active in them. I've seen things that became toxic because of the fetish for gay men. People with that fetish get offensive and rude so easily if you don't support their gay ships but like the straight ships or don't ship at all.

Someone once showed me a post about an anime fandom that got out of hand. This anime had characters that were based on real life people and the two main characters were confirmed a gay couple. It became so popular that the shippers sent fan-mails to the real life person saying he should divorce his wife and be with the other real life person because of this main canon ship. They also sent the threats to his wife.

 

I personally have no interest in shipping, but occasionally I don't mind some ships and think they're okay (if they're romantically).

15 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

 If I was a bigger YTer that had a fandom and found out people were shipping me with other people to the point that they were writing fanfics, I would probably say something along the lines of 'pls don't- or, at the very least, don't send that stuff to me' and if people got mad about it, oh well.

The same, but for me, if I was a popular webcomic creator. Just imagining what people would make my characters do and (sexually) ship them puts me off and makes me scared if that fear would become real. I wouldn't care if people get mad because I kindly ask them not to do that. If they really support, like and know the author then they would understand that.  

[Guest]

@Destan Yes, the shipping's been going on for years, but I feel like the coming out videos intensified all of it, since both feel attraction to boys. The Phandom is just terrible at the moment. I've seen hate against people who don't ship phan, I've seen hate towards straight people… Which is disappointing to see considering all of my relatives are straight and very supportive of LGBT+ rights! And the fans are so invasive… not only regarding shipping, but also stalking. When they lived in their old flat, their address leaked a few times and the new one's already leaked once I think.

They don't deserve such a fandom. The poor fellows! They seem so kind…

I hope it gets better. It's tough to be left out by the people who share the same passion.

[Laplace]

Shipping can just get way out of control these days, esp. IRL shipping. How the **** do fans think it’s appropriate to harass the creators over their private lives when they’ve made it clear they don’t want to talk about it. Do you want them to just say, “**** it,” and stop making videos out of frustration? It’s so disrespectful.

 

14 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

And another fandom I'm in has 1 of the biggest ships be f/f and thevpeople who ship it read way too much into the smallest things that really don't mean anything (people are going crazy about the pairing being 'confirmed' as of the last volume, but I'm skeptical about it because, while one of them I can get being bi (both have a canon interest in men), with the other one I feel it's a bit of a stretch since she's shown no interest in women whatsoever (I personally feel like the former is interested in the latter, while the latter doesn't fully realize this, but is much more tactile, and thus could lead to misunderstandings).  It's one of those ships that fans end up being rabid about.

I’m gonna guess that perhaps the potential couple in question is Blake x Yang from RWBY cause I haven’t even followed the series for a while now and even I have heard of just the absolute ****storm that pairing has unleashed. IDK why but I feel like same-sex pairings bring out these rabid fans whether the pairing is two fictional characters or two real people. I’ve just heard horror stories like how two HETEROsexual dads went to a convention cosplaying as two characters who were part of a popular slash pairing and they just got explicitly harassed by fangirls (they aren’t the actual characters, idiots 🤦🏻‍♂️, they’re real people with wives of their own). Nowadays, it’s sad that I’m cynical about these same-sex pairings cause it’s hard not to think that they are “gaybait” sometimes. And rabid fans create such a toxic atmosphere that 1). I start to hate the pairing and 2). it starts to give same-sex pairing a bad reputation.

[Comrade F&F]

I saw a sexual word I didn't know, so I looked it up and was led to Wikipedia. I end up reading about it and a few other things.

 

"Huh, that's...interesting. They don't teach you about this in High School sex-ed. That's actually something really important and should be brought up. Wait, what's this word?" *hovers mouse over link* "OOOOH, THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! PEOPLE DO THAT?!"

 

Do not look up definitions on Wikipedia unless you are prepared for the pictures that go along with it.

[griffinej5]

1 hour ago, Feys&Florets said:

I saw a sexual word I didn't know, so I looked it up and was led to Wikipedia. I end up reading about it and a few other things.

 

"Huh, that's...interesting. They don't teach you about this in High School sex-ed. That's actually something really important and should be brought up. Wait, what's this word?" *hovers mouse over link* "OOOOH, THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! PEOPLE DO THAT?!"

 

Do not look up definitions on Wikipedia unless you are prepared for the pictures that go along with it.

Sometimes I end up in the urban dictionary, and I wonder if those are real things people do, or jokes someone put on there. 

[Bronztrooper]

4 hours ago, Laplace said:

I’m gonna guess that perhaps the potential couple in question is Blake x Yang from RWBY cause I haven’t even followed the series for a while now and even I have heard of just the absolute ****storm that pairing has unleashed. IDK why but I feel like same-sex pairings bring out these rabid fans whether the pairing is two fictional characters or two real people. I’ve just heard horror stories like how two HETEROsexual dads went to a convention cosplaying as two characters who were part of a popular slash pairing and they just got explicitly harassed by fangirls (they aren’t the actual characters, idiots 🤦🏻‍♂️, they’re real people with wives of their own). Nowadays, it’s sad that I’m cynical about these same-sex pairings cause it’s hard not to think that they are “gaybait” sometimes. And rabid fans create such a toxic atmosphere that 1). I start to hate the pairing and 2). it starts to give same-sex pairing a bad reputation.

Yes, that's exactly what I was referring to.

 

In my case I get more annoyed at shippers than the ships themselves, but if the ship is something like a sibling ship, romanticizing abuse (Adam/Blake as an example from RWBY, and Joker/Harley as a better known example), or something similar, then I'll definitely dislike the ship as well.

[Skycaptain]

3 hours ago, griffinej5 said:

Sometimes I end up in the urban dictionary, and I wonder if those are real things people do, or jokes someone put on there. 

Most of it is real, albeit of rather minority interest 

[Laplace]

More of aro problems but an ex of one of my coworkers came in to the store today, and their meeting was apparently not particularly amicable. I was just at a loss for words trying to talk to them at lunch ☹️. I wanted to respect their privacy and didn’t want to butt into their life, but they sat across from me at lunch and talked to me about it. I have no relationship experience so what could I even say? Every comforting word I thought of just felt insincere cause I obviously have no analogous experiences. Just felt bad that I couldn’t find any words to speak.