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Shiloh_Rose
6 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

I get it. Relationships are odd because they either end in a break up or in some permanent arrangement like marriage or cohabitation. Relationships sound nice AS AN IDEA, cuddling with someone, watching movies, having someone to check the house with at night when you hear a strange sound. But as an ACTUAL THING I don’t think I’d be good in one. I’d always be worried about someone upgrading, and I don’t think I’d want to get emotionally invested in something that most likely would end. Maybe that’s just me being an avoidant Personality idk.

 

I don’t think what you said is odd or pityable. If relationships put you in a bad headspace it’s good that you are aware of that and understand that. This isn’t to say you can’t / aren’t allowed to be in a relationship, just that if you feel they are detrimental to your personal growth, that’s a good thing that you aren’t pursuing one at this time.

 

I personally don’t pity people for honest self assessments. And it’s a pet peeve of mine when people pity or try to correct me for mine. Like when I say I’m ugly or something and people go “awww you’re not.” Thats not seeking pity, it’s a statement of fact. I, in my own opinion, am ugly, and I sort of wish people wouldn’t take that as a cue to try to correct me. It’s simply a statement of fact. I think Chinese crested dogs and orange furniture are ugly as well, and nobody calls me on that. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think trying to correct people for self assessment is counter to their growth. If someone said “I’m an alcoholic I need help,” telling them “noooo, you’re fine!” Wouldn’t be helping them. 

Ah, you so much better explained what I feel about this thing. ❤️ 

i am like that too. Like for one instance about relationships the idea is nice but I *know* I am not ready and I could not anyway. And that it isn’t a thing to be pity or for fam to be like ‘oh don’t worry you will meet them!’ No, really, I cannot it would be bad right now even if there was someone. >..< I did not say for pity or ‘encouragements’, but as fact or something. And lots of other you said. 

 

 

—- 

this of course is more ‘asexual annoyances’ and I know it’s just me cause plenty of people who are not sexual still make these jokes, BUT. 

when it is the thing to turn everything into sexual joke kind of thing or just a fetish that maybe is not appropriate for where it is posted or is ‘too much’ (am a prude ish sometimes /sex stuff averse a lot though admittedly) , wherever it is.

 

I have started feeling like ‘ugh, of course, cannot see comments, video, hear people around me without them doing this’. Like I watch some streams and I like them but they’ll just start talking too much about imo this (gross) stuff like

Spoiler

oh selling butt juice and gamer girl bath water

and I’m just like. Wtf. How is that funny. And I have to leave or sometimes might ‘hide’ comment or something. 

 

Like how is any of that.... just. Bleh.  

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11 minutes ago, Shiloh_Rose said:

Ah, you so much better explained what I feel about this thing. ❤️ 

i am like that too. Like for one instance about relationships the idea is nice but I *know* I am not ready and I could not anyway. And that it isn’t a thing to be pity or for fam to be like ‘oh don’t worry you will meet them!’ No, really, I cannot it would be bad right now even if there was someone. >..< I did not say for pity or ‘encouragements’, but as fact or something. And lots of other you said. 

 

 

—- 

this of course is more ‘asexual annoyances’ and I know it’s just me cause plenty of people who are not sexual still make these jokes, BUT. 

when it is the thing to turn everything into sexual joke kind of thing or just a fetish that maybe is not appropriate for where it is posted or is ‘too much’ (am a prude ish sometimes /sex stuff averse a lot though admittedly) , wherever it is.

 

I have started feeling like ‘ugh, of course, cannot see comments, video, hear people around me without them doing this’. Like I watch some streams and I like them but they’ll just start talking too much about imo this (gross) stuff like

  Reveal hidden contents

oh selling butt juice and gamer girl bath water

and I’m just like. Wtf. How is that funny. And I have to leave or sometimes might ‘hide’ comment or something. 

 

Like how is any of that.... just. Bleh.  

Right? Thank you! I hate how every time someone says something that their conversational partner considers “negative,” it’s perceived as an invitation to correct them. Just, no. If you wouldn’t correct an alcoholic for saying they need help, or a fatigued or drunk person for saying they can’t drive, you shouldn’t correct someone that says they don’t want a relationship or aren’t happy with themselves physically. 

 

 

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14 minutes ago, Shiloh_Rose said:

Ah, you so much better explained what I feel about this thing. ❤️ 

i am like that too. Like for one instance about relationships the idea is nice but I *know* I am not ready and I could not anyway. And that it isn’t a thing to be pity or for fam to be like ‘oh don’t worry you will meet them!’ No, really, I cannot it would be bad right now even if there was someone. >..< I did not say for pity or ‘encouragements’, but as fact or something. And lots of other you said. 

 

 

—- 

this of course is more ‘asexual annoyances’ and I know it’s just me cause plenty of people who are not sexual still make these jokes, BUT. 

when it is the thing to turn everything into sexual joke kind of thing or just a fetish that maybe is not appropriate for where it is posted or is ‘too much’ (am a prude ish sometimes /sex stuff averse a lot though admittedly) , wherever it is.

 

I have started feeling like ‘ugh, of course, cannot see comments, video, hear people around me without them doing this’. Like I watch some streams and I like them but they’ll just start talking too much about imo this (gross) stuff like

  Reveal hidden contents

oh selling butt juice and gamer girl bath water

and I’m just like. Wtf. How is that funny. And I have to leave or sometimes might ‘hide’ comment or something. 

 

Like how is any of that.... just. Bleh.  

There are multiple YouTubers that I’ve tried to watch their content and found the information on games that they were giving to be good, and then I start noticing all of the sex jokes that they are making and feel weirded out. My friends (who definitely aren’t sex repulsed in anyway like me) find that bath water stuff to be disgusting, so I think that the people that like that are in a minority.

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I'mTheDecoy
On 7/14/2019 at 4:20 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Yeah.

Been there.  All the time, painfully so sometimes, before I came out.  Not sure it happens to me now.

 

15 hours ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

I’ve never looked at a random person and thought about wanting to be with them.

I don't think I've ever wanted to be with someone.  I just like being near them.  I want to impress them the same way they impress me.  But I wouldn't want to take them home.

 

On 7/14/2019 at 5:06 PM, Snao Cone said:

Too many posts far back to bother quoting, but I do think there is an element of choice in crushes, at least which ones you let down certain paths of developing emotions towards them. We're in more control of emotions than we may lead on. Saying you have no choice in something is shedding personal responsibility for good decisions. If you start to feel a budding crush on a person who would be an unhealthy addition to your life, you can work on curbing your feelings.

I agree that you can give in to feelings or work on curbing them, but you can't choose who you are initially attracted to.  The first part is probably a sort of biological unconscious thing, but then your logical mind can put in preventative measures.  That said, sometimes an attraction is emotional and that often defies logic.  Like people who end up in relationships with people they know are bad for them.

 

20 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Like when I say I’m ugly or something and people go “awww you’re not.” Thats not seeking pity, it’s a statement of fact. I, in my own opinion, am ugly, and I sort of wish people wouldn’t take that as a cue to try to correct me. It’s simply a statement of fact. I think Chinese crested dogs and orange furniture are ugly as well, and nobody calls me on that. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think trying to correct people for self assessment is counter to their growth. If someone said “I’m an alcoholic I need help,” telling them “noooo, you’re fine!” Wouldn’t be helping them. 

I guess the difference there is that ugliness is an opinion whereas alcoholism is factual.  

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nerdperson777
On 7/14/2019 at 9:06 AM, Snao Cone said:

Too many posts far back to bother quoting, but I do think there is an element of choice in crushes, at least which ones you let down certain paths of developing emotions towards them. We're in more control of emotions than we may lead on. Saying you have no choice in something is shedding personal responsibility for good decisions. If you start to feel a budding crush on a person who would be an unhealthy addition to your life, you can work on curbing your feelings.

I'm usually better about most things the second time I do things so I'm prepared.  I mean things in general, not just relationship things.  I took my driving permit test twice, driving test twice, everything has been better the second time.  So although I'm talking to that person again, I don't want to get hugged and start craving all over again.  I know that when I get a hug from someone that does affect me, my heart can feel the melting, and feelings are so rare to me to feel.

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
5 hours ago, KeyKey said:

When your parents have been holding on to a cake topper for decades for when their daughter gets married.

    Well it might make a nice decoration or something in the future. ( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )

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SupercalifragilisticNugget

  (Not sure this is a problem but..) Being dragged along to a bridal shop and finding the most interesting things there are the free cookies in the waiting area. 

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Anonymous Axolotl
10 minutes ago, SupercalifragilisticNugget said:

  (Not sure this is a problem but..) Being dragged along to a bridal shop and finding the most interesting things there are the free cookies in the waiting area. 

Wait, they have free cookies in bridal shops? That's almost as good as cake!

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AceMissBehaving
6 hours ago, SupercalifragilisticNugget said:

  (Not sure this is a problem but..) Being dragged along to a bridal shop and finding the most interesting things there are the free cookies in the waiting area. 

I once had a gig at a bridal expo, and the free sweets was 100% the best part of the whole thing

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3 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

I once had a gig at a bridal expo, and the free sweets was 100% the best part of the whole thing

I had cake at a wedding and it was the only thing not contaminated by e coli or whatever poisoned the chicken or the greenbeans.

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AceMissBehaving
16 minutes ago, ColeHW said:

I had cake at a wedding and it was the only thing not contaminated by e coli or whatever poisoned the chicken or the greenbeans.

Oh geeze! Maybe AVEN has it right, we should all just eat cake and forget other food.

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On 7/17/2019 at 8:59 AM, AceMissBehaving said:

Oh geeze! Maybe AVEN has it right, we should all just eat cake and forget other food.

And the food poisoning was so bad my entire family was out sick for 2 days, but I only went 3 times and It was out of my system.

My immune system does its job quickly.

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When your BBF (one of the only people you are out to) starts telling you all about how her new boyfriend is into BDSM <_<  and ends with "but he's not pressuring me! 😟 he said he dated an ace girl for like 2 years so he can be patient." 🙁

 

Ok. Have you fundamentally misunderstood what I mean when I say I'm ace, do you think ace just means slow to sex, or is your new boy a fucking creeper who likes to 'persuade' women.

 

Whatever answer, #asexualproblems 

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
11 hours ago, Anonymous Axolotl said:

Wait, they have free cookies in bridal shops? That's almost as good as cake!

  They did in this one at least. And yeah they were pretty good. I kept getting looks from the ladies there though, so I might never be allowed back. ( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
5 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

I once had a gig at a bridal expo, and the free sweets was 100% the best part of the whole thing

Nice! What’s better than getting paid and also getting free sweets in the process. 

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AceMissBehaving
1 minute ago, SupercalifragilisticNugget said:

Nice! What’s better than getting paid and also getting free sweets in the process. 

The answer to that is nothing!

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When someone is flirting with you, and for the first time ever (I'm 47) you notice 

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I think my mom just tried to set me up with some random dude. She came back from the store and told me all about this guy who helped her with her groceries and she wished I was there to talk to him + see him and "he wasn't bad to look at" and then she tells me, "and I think he was Korean".

I'm like:

d6177b2707058805d98c52af8e49f5e6e884eca7

idk what to even say or why that conversation happened. Like... I like looking at cute boys and we can be friends, but I'm not interested in anything else tf pls don't start this. And the "sad" part is I can't even tell her about my sexuality because she's so religious and I have had tried dating boys in the past + brought up dating to her when I was younger (bc all the other girls were doing it oop), so she probably thinks I'm straight. I have said though quite a few times recently I have zero interest in dating or men and she just goes into this Jesus talk or "one day you will" so why bother I guess. And me liking a celebrity of a certain ethnicity doesn't = I like all men of that ethnicity. He is so far away from me and impossible to be with, so I mean that means literally nothing 😒 I wonder if I should even bother explaining aesthetic attraction to her so she can understand, "I like him because he's beautiful and talented, nothing else. If anything I'd want to be his friend if I had the chance. Me liking him doesn't equal I want to be with a man like him." instead of the usual, "I want to marry him and pop out his babies" thing.

 

On 7/14/2019 at 4:01 PM, i.r3beka said:

I get it. Relationships are odd because they either end in a break up or in some permanent arrangement like marriage or cohabitation. Relationships sound nice AS AN IDEA, cuddling with someone, watching movies, having someone to check the house with at night when you hear a strange sound. But as an ACTUAL THING I don’t think I’d be good in one. I’d always be worried about someone upgrading, and I don’t think I’d want to get emotionally invested in something that most likely would end. Maybe that’s just me being an avoidant Personality idk.

 

I don’t think what you said is odd or pityable. If relationships put you in a bad headspace it’s good that you are aware of that and understand that. This isn’t to say you can’t / aren’t allowed to be in a relationship, just that if you feel they are detrimental to your personal growth, that’s a good thing that you aren’t pursuing one at this time.

 

I personally don’t pity people for honest self assessments. And it’s a pet peeve of mine when people pity or try to correct me for mine. Like when I say I’m ugly or something and people go “awww you’re not.” Thats not seeking pity, it’s a statement of fact. I, in my own opinion, am ugly, and I sort of wish people wouldn’t take that as a cue to try to correct me. It’s simply a statement of fact. I think Chinese crested dogs and orange furniture are ugly as well, and nobody calls me on that. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think trying to correct people for self assessment is counter to their growth. If someone said “I’m an alcoholic I need help,” telling them “noooo, you’re fine!” Wouldn’t be helping them. 

omg are you me on the whole "Relationships sound nice as an idea" part lol? I have always imagined so many cute romantic scenarios and just cutie things ever since idk when, but when it involves an actual person I have negative infinity interest. When I think about it, I think I have the potential to be a good partner (I'm almost a "mom" friend when I really am close to a friend/like them), but only if I actually was a romantic and wasn't just a romantic in my head. When guys (or girls...) like me I avoid them like crazy to get them to stop it, and I know it sounds cruel and I feel awful doing it bc it hurts the guys, but it just makes me so uncomfortable when someone thinks of me in that way. There was a guy at my past job that really liked me and would blush whenever we'd talk and it was the cutest thing, but I just could not connect with him on that level and it grossed me out knowing he probably had other thoughts/ideas about me when I just wanted to be friends. Looking back at it I'm not really proud of how avoidant I was of him, we could've been friends (and I know it sounds weird but I miss the way he smelled :<), but I was too afraid of him trying to be "friends" to get something more like so many other guys have done to me + then either disappear on me or get really mean, aggressive and belittle me for not returning his feelings. And my brain kinda works like a switch in that way, if I know someone likes me in a romantic/sexual way I have an extremely hard time being around them/remaining friends because it just weirds me out that they feel that way. Likes yes, I am glad you find me attractive and you like my personality, but... can you not want those things? 😩 Or keep it to yourself and not be so obvious like stop staring at my ass every time I walk by 😩

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I get mixed messages from my parents. My mom says to do whatever makes me happy but constantly worries that I’ll be lonely. And my dad says it’s a good idea to not get married and stuff, but then he gives dating advice at times. I don’t understand 😐.

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The other day one of my friends implied that I might be single due to my weird hobbies and I should quit them or at laest not talk about them in public to better appeal to guys (apparently digging on your flowerbed or decorating your house exactly like in the magazine qualifies as "normal" and I should love these types of things for that reason). I was so taken aback that I didn't bother to explain her it's actually vice verse with me (I rather spend my time on my passions than waste it on dating)... and just proceeded to explain how much talent these hobbies ask for <_< it seemed to me she didn't agree at all and basically just kept on insisting "I'm looking weird and I should change that to develop my social status". She's one of these friends who have always been more concerned about my dating life than me myself (not the same friend I ranted about on the incredibly ace moments last time lol). I think she genuinely thinks she's just doing me a favor by pointing out something "I haven't realized yet"... while I'm actually trying to communicate I don't want anything to do with dating but nobody seems to get it. Nobody ever even questions whether or not a person possibly wants to date. If you're not dating, it must be because of you're incapable of doing so.

 

It seems that as I'm getting to the age when people normally start having children, I'm suddenly surrounded by people who see it their duty to "make me dateable" and "pair me with someone ASAP". Usually it just amuses me, but when these incidents happen too regurlarly, it makes you feel alienated no matter how much you were accepting towards yourself :mellow: I'm seeing it more clear than ever that I haven't been a loner since high school due to my social awkwardness, but rather due to the fact that people normally seem like strangers I have nothing in common with, due to different interests and motivations. I even feel that I wouldn't be socially all that different had it just felt more enjoyable to spend time with majority of my peers. I mean, I'm just pretty untrained 😅

 

The only good thing is, I've somehow managed to indirectly communicate to my family that I'm not "currently" into dating so they haven't been pushing this same agenda so far... which I'm very grateful for.

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4 hours ago, Strifed said:

And the "sad" part is I can't even tell her about my sexuality because she's so religious and I have had tried dating boys in the past + brought up dating to her when I was younger (bc all the other girls were doing it oop), so she probably thinks I'm straight. I have said though quite a few times recently I have zero interest in dating or men and she just goes into this Jesus talk or "one day you will" so why bother I guess. And me liking a celebrity of a certain ethnicity doesn't = I like all men of that ethnicity. He is so far away from me and impossible to be with, so I mean that means literally nothing 😒 I wonder if I should even bother explaining aesthetic attraction to her so she can understand

Sometimes parents feel impossible. My mum is the master of dodging, to the point I've really started to suspect she does not want to know anything about my sexual orientation 😅 anyhow, I think you shouldn't feel bad for not liking someone the romantic way. In the allosexual world, it's unfortunately inevitable that someone will get confused or offended by your sexual orientation. But it's your life, and in the end you're the only one responsible for your happiness. Even if it would feel better to hide forever and play along with allosexual, it's misleading others and yourself and will eventually hurt someone really bad. Only if you suspect you would be disowned or some other way violated, I'd say it's a good idea to play along with allosexuals (until you're safe to come out or live alone). Keep it up *hug*

 

4 hours ago, Strifed said:

omg are you me on the whole "Relationships sound nice as an idea" part lol? I have always imagined so many cute romantic scenarios and just cutie things ever since idk when, but when it involves an actual person I have negative infinity interest. When I think about it, I think I have the potential to be a good partner (I'm almost a "mom" friend when I really am close to a friend/like them), but only if I actually was a romantic and wasn't just a romantic in my head. When guys (or girls...) like me I avoid them like crazy to get them to stop it, and I know it sounds cruel and I feel awful doing it bc it hurts the guys, but it just makes me so uncomfortable when someone thinks of me in that way.

Haha, the same with me. I find the nonsexual aspects of relationship very appealing at times, and sometimes just feel like I'd like to date anyone just to have someone around. But then I do a reality check and realize that as a whole, I'd be miserable in relationship with an allosexual (and possibly with any) person. When I was a teen, I used to be very confused about how to navigate friendships with allosexual peers - especially ones who had potential to have crush on me. I don't know if it was the right choice, but at the time it felt safest to rather completely isolate myself from my peers. I just needed a timeout (which took several years lol). Nowadays I can deal with my peers and I refuse to make it my responsibility to worry about people's feelings when I tell them I don't have interest in dating (it's not "me hurting you", it's "you learn to deal with unexpected feelings"). I've found out that's the only way I can keep my sanity while living in allosexual world. IMO, aces shouldn't have to isolate themselves (more than we naturally do) in order to protect others. Everyone has a right to have a social life without fear of not being accepted.

 

4 hours ago, Strifed said:

And my brain kinda works like a switch in that way, if I know someone likes me in a romantic/sexual way I have an extremely hard time being around them/remaining friends because it just weirds me out that they feel that way.

That's perfectly normal for an ace. That's the same feeling a straight guy/girl feels when a gay/lesbian guy/girl shows their interest towards them. It's not "you disgust me" reaction, it's the "this type of relationship doesn't feel good for me" reaction. Which is often confused with the "disgust" reaction, though.

 

 

2 hours ago, Laplace said:

I get mixed messages from my parents. My mom says to do whatever makes me happy constantly worries that I’ll be lonely. And my dad says it’s a good idea to not get married and stuff, but then he gives dating advice at times. I don’t understand 😐.

The same here. I suspect my parents don't even know themselves whether or not they really want to know my sexual orientation. It's ridiculous, and in long term can be quite exhausting. For which reason I wish I'll find the courage to verbally come out some day in the future...

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 hours ago, naakka said:

My mum is the master of dodging, to the point I've really started to suspect she does not want to know anything about my sexual orientation

My father's like this; with what I've said and how I act there's no way he can't have twigged something's going on regarding cars, but (gladly for me) he'd rather stay ignorant or deny it (just like my gender, woo).

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7 hours ago, naakka said:

Sometimes parents feel impossible. My mum is the master of dodging, to the point I've really started to suspect she does not want to know anything about my sexual orientation 😅 anyhow, I think you shouldn't feel bad for not liking someone the romantic way. In the allosexual world, it's unfortunately inevitable that someone will get confused or offended by your sexual orientation. But it's your life, and in the end you're the only one responsible for your happiness. Even if it would feel better to hide forever and play along with allosexual, it's misleading others and yourself and will eventually hurt someone really bad. Only if you suspect you would be disowned or some other way violated, I'd say it's a good idea to play along with allosexuals (until you're safe to come out or live alone). Keep it up *hug*

 

Haha, the same with me. I find the nonsexual aspects of relationship very appealing at times, and sometimes just feel like I'd like to date anyone just to have someone around. But then I do a reality check and realize that as a whole, I'd be miserable in relationship with an allosexual (and possibly with any) person. When I was a teen, I used to be very confused about how to navigate friendships with allosexual peers - especially ones who had potential to have crush on me. I don't know if it was the right choice, but at the time it felt safest to rather completely isolate myself from my peers. I just needed a timeout (which took several years lol). Nowadays I can deal with my peers and I refuse to make it my responsibility to worry about people's feelings when I tell them I don't have interest in dating (it's not "me hurting you", it's "you learn to deal with unexpected feelings"). I've found out that's the only way I can keep my sanity while living in allosexual world. IMO, aces shouldn't have to isolate themselves (more than we naturally do) in order to protect others. Everyone has a right to have a social life without fear of not being accepted.

 

That's perfectly normal for an ace. That's the same feeling a straight guy/girl feels when a gay/lesbian guy/girl shows their interest towards them. It's not "you disgust me" reaction, it's the "this type of relationship doesn't feel good for me" reaction. Which is often confused with the "disgust" reaction, though.

Everyone seems to be either confused or offended by my orientation LOL. If people don't think I'm gay, then they just think I'm shy and playing hard to get. Or both... which leads to a whole nother can of worms because women liking me makes me feel even more uncomfortable than a man. And when I show disinterest in men or tell them no or lo and behold they see I have a dude on my phone wp (lowkey I do it on purpose to keep people away. I love the "boyfriend" style selfies!) they get all hostile and get personally offended by random dude on my phone or by me saying no. And it's not like I say, "Ew boy get away from me!!!!!" it's legit a "I am not interested" while also making an uncomfortable face and moving away. Just... college boys and dude from work took everything wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too personally. A girl saying no never ever means anything is wrong with you as a person. Maybe you aren't her type? Maybe she has a boyfriend? Maybe she's going through something and doesn't want to date right now? Chill tf out.

 

And you're right about happiness. I never came out as ace to anyone IRL but my brother, but I feel like my parents would try to "pray it out of me?!?!?!?!" and people IRL would just say, "OH YOU HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT MAN YET!" and force dates on me. I did meet someone at work though that understood that I just did not want a boyfriend just because, and she was nice about it, but I wish more people were understanding like her...

 

Haha! My definition of "dating" is a QPR honestly lmao. When I was younger I used to daydream about being close to a guy and being bffs and having all this fun together. That is what I thought dating was until everyone else in middle school revealed their naughty fantasies and I was like :o LMAO. ah yes, it is very hard to navigate those kinds of things. I found that by being nice and friendly to men sometimes equals "I LIKE YOU!" and they took it the wrong way and it's... so confusing to me! I just want to tell you hi and talk to you about your weekend and hang out at a baseball game. Why does that have to equal me liking you? 😭 Aw :( Well sometimes you do need a break from people to sort yourself out. At least I think it's unfair to to potentially hurt people while you try to sort things out. I'm glad to hear that things are working better for you though! and you're right, we shouldn't have to. I can't say I've ever felt the need to isolate myself (minus the whole avoiding guys part oof), but I think part of what can help is raising more awareness that, "Hey, some people don't like any kinds of people or genders! And that's OK! Don't bully them or force them into dating!!". For other stuff though, I just try to find other topics to talk to people about, and if they ask about a bf I've just gotten to the point I say, "Not interested." (if it's a friend or someone I want to stay in contact with) and if they keep asking why, just firmly say "idc about that sort of thing." Or if it's some creeper/stranger I go into the usual, "OH YEAH THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND CHARLIE!" (or whatever his name is for the day) LMAO. I think it's a damn shame you have to lie to make the creepers go away, but it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

 

 

@Laplace my parents do that mixed signal thing too, but... in this really special way. I can't really figure it out? There was a guy I was friends with in college that liked me, and I told my mom I hang out with him sometimes and I started describing him and RIP (I don't want to go into what she said because it was offensive and I told her, "Looks don't matter tf"). It's like if the guys don't match her tastes or what she wants she doesn't like them...? But now apparently all men are OK? I can't even describe it but it's like she wanted this perfect guy for me that's impossible to have, but now she just wants me to be with anyone who isn't an axe murderer. So weird... 

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According to my parents I'm least likely to have a child or form a relationship. 

Good. 

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My parents keep the old books they used to read me when I was very young for the following reason: 'you can read them to your future children!'

You can imagine how awkward this conversation is each time we have it! 😁 At least, my brother seems more likely to have children, so they don't keep them in vain.

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Anonymous Axolotl

I think yesterday's incident is now my all-time favorite asexual problem: getting my neighbor's bottle of lube in the mail. (Thanks, mail person. Maybe read the addresses better next time?)

 

I suppose this is a general problem for anyone, but awkwardness was turned up to 11 since I'm an ace who's sex-averse (or possibly sex-repulsed, I don't quite know where to draw the line between the two.)

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Eh, I was on the phone with my sweet, caring grandpa, the other day. Mentioned to him that my friend is getting married and I'm attending the wedding. He said something along the lines of "Well, it's the law of nature for two people to pair up". I, an ace that's out to my friends and sister but not so much my parents or grandparents, was cringing at that, since it kind of felt it put some pressure on me, even though he didn't directly imply it. I just feel really awkward about this with him, since, I love him as my grandpa and he's such a darling old man, but then again, he's nearing ninety and has lived through periods of time when anything else than straight has been classified as sin, crime and/or mental illness... Heck, I haven't even talked about my depression or anxiety to him in fear of him disregarding it or not understanding what they are and judging me for them... I'm so conflicted in these topics, we once watched the news with all our family and they covered I think the presidential election, and one of the candidates was an openly gay politician. My grandpa's firm opinion was "The president is supposed to be a man, not some gay". It made me so sad that even when all the women in our family tried to carefully talk him down from it, he didn't seem to acknowledge or even try to understand it, but, well, I suppose that's old people for you. It saddens me that he's like this in these topics, when he's otherwise a supportive, nice old man. On the other hand, I was kind of positively surprised in that situation, that my step-grandma, who is now ninety, was tentatively siding with us! That was a nice surprise. 

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On 6/29/2019 at 5:37 PM, Zagadka said:

People seem to have weird reactions to red hair, either positively or negatively. And it is such a thing to stand out that can't really be hidden.

I found this link

https://aquila.usm.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1270&context=honors_theses

 

Apparently red hair symbolizes a lot of what red itself symbolizes as well.It talks about an interview,apparently it found people disliked red heads and associated it with bad temper,and clown,weird,wimpy men.I also found this

 

https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS848US848&ei=IL8wXbuzLKia_QaL4YXICQ&q=rubbing+red+hair+for+good+luck&oq=rubbing+red+hair+for+good+luck&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i30.8025.10093..10499...1.0..0.148.756.3j4......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j35i39j0i7i30.z-Eyp9y2ICw&ved=0ahUKEwi7w4SDkb_jAhUoTd8KHYtwAZkQ4dUDCAo&uact=5

 

with google searching.Apparently it comes from an old english proverb.

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36 minutes ago, Aloney said:

Eh, I was on the phone with my sweet, caring grandpa, the other day. Mentioned to him that my friend is getting married and I'm attending the wedding. He said something along the lines of "Well, it's the law of nature for two people to pair up". I, an ace that's out to my friends and sister but not so much my parents or grandparents, was cringing at that, since it kind of felt it put some pressure on me, even though he didn't directly imply it. I just feel really awkward about this with him, since, I love him as my grandpa and he's such a darling old man, but then again, he's nearing ninety and has lived through periods of time when anything else than straight has been classified as sin, crime and/or mental illness... Heck, I haven't even talked about my depression or anxiety to him in fear of him disregarding it or not understanding what they are and judging me for them... I'm so conflicted in these topics, we once watched the news with all our family and they covered I think the presidential election, and one of the candidates was an openly gay politician. My grandpa's firm opinion was "The president is supposed to be a man, not some gay". It made me so sad that even when all the women in our family tried to carefully talk him down from it, he didn't seem to acknowledge or even try to understand it, but, well, I suppose that's old people for you. It saddens me that he's like this in these topics, when he's otherwise a supportive, nice old man. On the other hand, I was kind of positively surprised in that situation, that my step-grandma, who is now ninety, was tentatively siding with us! That was a nice surprise. 

I found my extremely christian brother accepted me being asexual when I said its kinda like abstinence,but more natural and not as a choice type thing.They were much more accepting of it anyways.So if you try and describe it like abstinence if he is a christian then you could probably help him understand it better.

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