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#AsexualProblems


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Bronztrooper
18 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

Wanting to watch a tv show because you’ve heard good things about it, but not being able to because it has nudity

 

#asexualproblems

Not to mention when people say that the nudity is one of the good things

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20 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Your ex sounds like a real charmer 🙄. I might talk to your son and see if he’s ok with being hugged, etc. I’m 23 and I still hug my mom and kiss her cheeks etc. Maybe I’m weird 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think it would be worth discussing with your son though.

My ex had good qualities, but also a fuckton of red flags that I blinded myself to for years.... mainly because of my own low self-esteem.  I still try to remain friends with him, but he makes it difficult.  🙄

 

My son is 21 at this point and lives about 500 miles away from me, but we get along great.  We still hug when we see each other.  He knows that I love him.  💕

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I know this is most-likely mentioned before and it's not a problem only for asexuals but in general:

Video: *has two guys in it* [acting/singing/just standing/....]

Some people commenting: "gay/BL/yaoi!" [obsessing how 'gay' it is, how they want these people together, sexualizing them, ....]

 

I know I can just ignore or not read the comment section at all, but most of the time I watch things in other languages so I need the translation that's in there sometimes. Also, I like to read people's opinions that's relevant about the video.

I think it's a pity that there's always such comments. Why write it's gay or make it 'gay' when it isn't.

I don't get why people think it's funny to mention something like that. It can ruin people's relationships.

I read somewhere before that it makes people from the video uncomfortable so they would avoid each other for a while.

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3 hours ago, Destan said:

I know this is most-likely mentioned before and it's not a problem only for asexuals but in general:

Video: *has two guys in it* [acting/singing/just standing/....]

Some people commenting: "gay/BL/yaoi!" [obsessing how 'gay' it is, how they want these people together, sexualizing them, ....]

 

I know I can just ignore or not read the comment section at all, but most of the time I watch things in other languages so I need the translation that's in there sometimes. Also, I like to read people's opinions that's relevant about the video.

I think it's a pity that there's always such comments. Why write it's gay or make it 'gay' when it isn't.

I don't why people think it's funny to mention something like that. It can ruin people's relationships.

I read somewhere before that it makes people from the video uncomfortable so they would avoid each other for a while.

This happens with so many characters in so many shows and video games that it’s extremely bothersome after a while. Like, I want representation for all orientations when possible but not when it’s from the fans rabidly reading into any sort of male-male interaction. It’s part of the aro/ace erasure problem cause some people think one’s orientation is largely binary: straight or gay if not straight (sometimes bi/pan but that’s honestly still rather rare outside of being used as a fetish fuel trait given to a character). Plus, if any male protagonist (or just in general) refuses to acknowledge the advances of an “attractive” women, he’s often labeled “gay” or “beta” (I hate that dumb*** word). Characters who basically don’t seem to experience romantic/sexual feelings like Light Yagami (someone who seems to view love merely as a tool to manipulate people) from Death Note or Lukas from Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia (a character who explicitly voices concern that he might be broken because he doesn’t experience the “fire” that seems to come with love) lose a lot of nuance by just assuming they’re gay by virtue of showing no attraction to women.

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nerdperson777
2 hours ago, Laplace said:

This happens with so many characters in so many shows and video games that it’s extremely bothersome after a while. Like, I want representation for all orientations when possible but not when it’s from the fans rabidly reading into any sort of male-male interaction. It’s part of the aro/ace erasure problem cause some people think one’s orientation is largely binary: straight or gay if not straight (sometimes bi/pan but that’s honestly still rather rare outside of being used as a fetish fuel trait given to a character). Plus, if any male protagonist (or just in general) refuses to acknowledge the advances of an “attractive” women, he’s often labeled “gay” or “beta” (I hate that dumb*** word). Characters who basically don’t seem to experience romantic/sexual feelings like Light Yagami (someone who seems to view love merely as a tool to manipulate people) from Death Note or Lukas from Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia (a character who explicitly voices concern that he might be broken because he doesn’t experience the “fire” that seems to come with love) lose a lot of nuance by just assuming they’re gay by virtue of showing no attraction to women.

People want the characters to have a representation that benefits them.  I heard that for Overwatch, it was revealed that Tracer had a girlfriend and some cishet dudes were saying that she had to be bi because she was their waifus.  Then Blizzard said nope she's gay.  I laugh at these disappointed cishets.

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Bronztrooper
4 hours ago, Laplace said:

This happens with so many characters in so many shows and video games that it’s extremely bothersome after a while. Like, I want representation for all orientations when possible but not when it’s from the fans rabidly reading into any sort of male-male interaction. It’s part of the aro/ace erasure problem cause some people think one’s orientation is largely binary: straight or gay if not straight (sometimes bi/pan but that’s honestly still rather rare outside of being used as a fetish fuel trait given to a character). Plus, if any male protagonist (or just in general) refuses to acknowledge the advances of an “attractive” women, he’s often labeled “gay” or “beta” (I hate that dumb*** word). Characters who basically don’t seem to experience romantic/sexual feelings like Light Yagami (someone who seems to view love merely as a tool to manipulate people) from Death Note or Lukas from Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia (a character who explicitly voices concern that he might be broken because he doesn’t experience the “fire” that seems to come with love) lose a lot of nuance by just assuming they’re gay by virtue of showing no attraction to women.

It does happen quite a bit, regardless the fandom.  It's even worse when it's 2 characters that are at odds quite a lot (one example is Tony Stark/Steve Rogers).

 

One fandom I'm in is having quite a bit of bi erasure since one scene in the latest volume was taken as a confirmation of a very popular f/f ship (1 of the 2 most popular) and a large number of fans keep going around saying they lesbians despite 1) one of the characters has commented on approving of a group of male characters earlier in the series and I'll admit that there have been a few moments that could've been construed as her flirting subtly with the other female character in the ship which means it's possible that she's bi, and 2) the other character has only ever shown an interest in 1 male character in the series while having been in a previous relationship with another male character (granted it was an emotionally, and possibly physically, abusive relationship, but still) while showing no hints of interest in any of the female characters in the show (though, one female character had feelings for her at one point and was confirmed to be a lesbian), so, as it stands right now, it's unlikely that she is also bi.

 

The other popular ship (also f/f) has had neither character show any real interest in each other (at least, nothing beyond platonic interest), one of which has shown interest in only 1 male character so far while the other has shown no interest in anyone (I headcanon her as being ace).  It's 99% jumping to conclusions and 1% instances misconstrued as 'evidence'.  Pretty annoying, imo.

 

1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

People want the characters to have a representation that benefits them.  I heard that for Overwatch, it was revealed that Tracer had a girlfriend and some cishet dudes were saying that she had to be bi because she was their waifus.  Then Blizzard said nope she's gay.  I laugh at these disappointed cishets.

I'm definitely not surprised.  I remember hearing that one of the characters in Apex was apparently gay (iirc) and guys were saying that the devs should change their orientation since they didn't want to play as a gay character (stupid, yeah, but unfortunately not surprising).

 

I've also mentioned before about a female character in Dragon Age: Inquisition being confirmed as being lesbian and the dudebros (how I choose to refer to White CisHet MalesTM) got mad and demanded that she be made bi.  Meanwhile, I was just watching it and thinking "Why not just play as a female character?  It's not that hard..."

 

Those guys just can't handle not being pandering to 24/7....  🙄

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16 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Not to mention when people say that the nudity is one of the good things

Ugh right? I want to watch this show so I googled if there was a censored version. Someone else had asked on I want to say quora and got some dumb response about how, you can’t watch a censored version because the network doesn’t care about pandering to people to get a large audience, and how the frickfrack is necessary because it makes the exposition less boring. Really? Less boring? Idk about the poster who said that, but I don’t need to see people frickfracking to get interested in exposition, and saying otherwise is insulting to the audience’s maturity {basically calling them sophomoric} and insulting to the script writers {saying they have to rely on frick fracking because they aren’t talented enough to come up with something else}.

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5 hours ago, Laplace said:

Like, I want representation for all orientations when possible but not when it’s from the fans rabidly reading into any sort of male-male interaction. It’s part of the aro/ace erasure problem cause some people think one’s orientation is largely binary: straight or gay if not straight (sometimes bi/pan but that’s honestly still rather rare outside of being used as a fetish fuel trait given to a character).

I agree with you, It's always the one or the other. I remember this guy from a music group and he came out as asexual. Some of the fans were ace so they were obviously happy, but the others on the hand were like he just denying he's gay and giving him gay hate threats. Before he left the music group, he had to sit out some group activities because he defended himself and lgbtqia+ against hate comments. 

44 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

It's even worse when it's 2 characters that are at odds quite a lot (one example is Tony Stark/Steve Rogers).

meh, I see that one a lot on my Instagram feed when I click on something from Marvel. Atleast they don't do that to Tony Stark and Peter Parker and keep it like son-father ship (atleast I haven't seen it yet)

44 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

It's 99% jumping to conclusions and 1% instances misconstrued as 'evidence'.  Pretty annoying, imo.

Indeed. I like a lot of music groups and yeah, most of the fandom is like they're all gay for each other. Sometimes I would across videos about 'evidence and analysis' of ships that fans make to prove it's real. That's just disturbing. 

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nerdperson777

So I said my game account was stolen but I got it back last night.  Whoever had the account was messaging one friend who wasn't buying the scam.  I wrote back to him that I got the account back.  After proving that I was who I was, we talked for several hours.  His dad owned a gaming community that I was part of many years ago.  Today I would've recognized someone like him right away as a creepy pervert.  His attention to all the women who joined ultimately led to the downfall of the group.  I even told this guy "I was too dense for his love of boobs."  I learned that his dad urged him to talk to girl gamers his same age, which would've been 11-12 at the time.  Apparently I was the only one within a few years of him.  He said back then he had a crush on me for the wrong reason so he didn't do anything about it.  For one thing, that's a creepy thing for his dad to tell him to do.  Another thing, are girl gamers really that rare and desirable?  I don't get it.  That's the second person to ever have a crush on me online because I was seen as a girl.

 

After that chat, he wanted to chat up some of the old community members and I mentioned a group.  The owner of this group came out to me as a trans girl and then I'm kind of masculine.  We have yet to tell him this so no idea how that'll turn out.

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@nerdperson777

 

Wtf. That’s messed up. My niece and I used to play video games {I personally didn’t like the label gamer, but there you have it}, and I’ve known lots of girls who do, so they aren’t rare in my experience. That’s just...wtf. I’d tell your friend to be careful, he could be talking to literally anyone.  Not everyone is honest with their age, gender, etc online.

 

Stuff like this is why I always preferred solo games or party games. Either play by myself offline with my character vs. whatever enemies were in the game, stuff like TRAOD, TRL, Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy, or play with my cousins and nieces IRL. Stuff like ffx3, fusion frenzy, JSRF, Halo, Black Ops, etc.

 

I feel old. Old and sad 😓 they don’t make games like they used to.

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Bronztrooper

@nerdperson777

 

I'm glad my dad never tried to get involved in my game chats like that, if at all.

 

As for girl gamers, my understanding is that they're not rare, but would rather not out themselves (which is a good idea on multiplayer games like COD).  Something to do with how many people are stuck in the moronic mindset that most video games are for guys only, I guess (at least partly).

 

@i.r3beka

 

I loved playing Fusion Frenzy.  Brings back memories...

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nerdperson777
7 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

@nerdperson777

 

Wtf. That’s messed up. My niece and I used to play video games {I personally didn’t like the label gamer, but there you have it}, and I’ve known lots of girls who do, so they aren’t rare in my experience. That’s just...wtf. I’d tell your friend to be careful, he could be talking to literally anyone.  Not everyone is honest with their age, gender, etc online.

 

Stuff like this is why I always preferred solo games or party games. Either play by myself offline with my character vs. whatever enemies were in the game, stuff like TRAOD, TRL, Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy, or play with my cousins and nieces IRL. Stuff like ffx3, fusion frenzy, JSRF, Halo, Black Ops, etc.

 

I feel old. Old and sad 😓 they don’t make games like they used to.

Well he was smart enough not to fall for the same scam I did.  I have always been pretty honest, and knowing the members of the community, we were pretty open.  There was a forum website just like this one where we'd chat outside games and post pictures of ourselves.  He wasn't around that much because the stuff he enjoyed were probably outside his father's interests.  He was playing other games usually.  One of his younger brothers did play with us but caused quite a bit of trouble for us because he would not follow community rules, knowing he would never be permanently banned.  Now I realize it was hard for them growing up.  He probably realized that something was off when my account messaged him out of the blue like that and he noticed a few more things that I wouldn't have known about the chat system.

 

Well I first started gaming with this group, and then we would sometimes just 4 of us go off and play a different game.  When the group died, we did that more often.  I needed group games to know when to go to bed because I could be up pretty late gaming.  In college, it got harder to line up people's schedules so I played more single player.  That really messed up my sleep schedule.  I could be up to 3am with those friends but playing single player would make me say "just one more mission" constantly and then before I know it, it's 6am.  I can't really do that now with my current schedule where I have to wake up earlier than I usually would.  Also, I probably don't enjoy games as much, at least on my computer, and I wasn't really into consoles, because in the past, I used it to avoid the life I was living.  Now I have things that I enjoy doing so I have less to avoid.  I noticed that I would constantly look at the clock whenever I gamed, so I wouldn't lose track of time.  Before, I'd play as long as I could and didn't care.  Once my mom didn't check up on me like she usually did so I stayed there for an extra two hours, no regret.  Then I remembered all the times she would smack me in the back of the head to stop playing games without caring that my headphones would break.  "I need to die first."  "You should die in real life."  Now, she would take back those comments and say she didn't mean it, but it's already done its damage.

 

It's true, games weren't as good as they were back then.  I played a lot of Ubisoft games, namely Assassin's Creed.  I liked it for the historical accuracy and their creativity in putting the main character in history.  In the last couple years, they stopped caring about the historical accuracy and it was clear that they were just treating the franchise like a cash cow.  In France, the citizens had British accents and there were so many bugs.  Starting with the first mission, I didn't actually clear it.  It just bugged up and I caught the person I was after, because I somehow teleported 20 feet to the front.  Then for a while I couldn't defeat a boss because the game didn't register the quick play buttons that were crucial to advance.  Aside from the bugs, there was a thing with Ubisoft just killing all their female companions for male character development.  A spoiler, but the French character literally lost the girl he loved during the very last mission before the game ended.  It was from a backlash of a special item that she was fighting some guy over.  She instantly died while the guy was still conscious.  Also, the company got in trouble for saying that it was too hard to render women characters and find voice actresses.  I haven't been in the gaming scene for a while, so I can only hope that things got better.

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45 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well he was smart enough not to fall for the same scam I did.  I have always been pretty honest, and knowing the members of the community, we were pretty open.  There was a forum website just like this one where we'd chat outside games and post pictures of ourselves.  He wasn't around that much because the stuff he enjoyed were probably outside his father's interests.  He was playing other games usually.  One of his younger brothers did play with us but caused quite a bit of trouble for us because he would not follow community rules, knowing he would never be permanently banned.  Now I realize it was hard for them growing up.  He probably realized that something was off when my account messaged him out of the blue like that and he noticed a few more things that I wouldn't have known about the chat system.

 

Well I first started gaming with this group, and then we would sometimes just 4 of us go off and play a different game.  When the group died, we did that more often.  I needed group games to know when to go to bed because I could be up pretty late gaming.  In college, it got harder to line up people's schedules so I played more single player.  That really messed up my sleep schedule.  I could be up to 3am with those friends but playing single player would make me say "just one more mission" constantly and then before I know it, it's 6am.  I can't really do that now with my current schedule where I have to wake up earlier than I usually would.  Also, I probably don't enjoy games as much, at least on my computer, and I wasn't really into consoles, because in the past, I used it to avoid the life I was living.  Now I have things that I enjoy doing so I have less to avoid.  I noticed that I would constantly look at the clock whenever I gamed, so I wouldn't lose track of time.  Before, I'd play as long as I could and didn't care.  Once my mom didn't check up on me like she usually did so I stayed there for an extra two hours, no regret.  Then I remembered all the times she would smack me in the back of the head to stop playing games without caring that my headphones would break.  "I need to die first."  "You should die in real life."  Now, she would take back those comments and say she didn't mean it, but it's already done its damage.

 

It's true, games weren't as good as they were back then.  I played a lot of Ubisoft games, namely Assassin's Creed.  I liked it for the historical accuracy and their creativity in putting the main character in history.  In the last couple years, they stopped caring about the historical accuracy and it was clear that they were just treating the franchise like a cash cow.  In France, the citizens had British accents and there were so many bugs.  Starting with the first mission, I didn't actually clear it.  It just bugged up and I caught the person I was after, because I somehow teleported 20 feet to the front.  Then for a while I couldn't defeat a boss because the game didn't register the quick play buttons that were crucial to advance.  Aside from the bugs, there was a thing with Ubisoft just killing all their female companions for male character development.  A spoiler, but the French character literally lost the girl he loved during the very last mission before the game ended.  It was from a backlash of a special item that she was fighting some guy over.  She instantly died while the guy was still conscious.  Also, the company got in trouble for saying that it was too hard to render women characters and find voice actresses.  I haven't been in the gaming scene for a while, so I can only hope that things got better.

Same! I wasn’t really happy in middle school or high school, so I gamed a lot to get away from being unhappy. I’d stay up until 2-3am and then complain about getting up “early,” at like 12 in the afternoon. It was kind of a vicious cycle actually. The more unhappy I felt the more I played games. The more I played games, the less I saw my family, the harder waking up was, and the less I got done irl, which in turn made me unhappier. At the time I didn’t realize that that was happening, but now that I’m an adult, I look back at that time with regret. I lost my grandmother this year, and I can’t help wishing I’d spent more time with her as a kid and less on that damn console.

 

I don’t find myself as interested in games anymore, now that I don’t really want to escape from my life. Not that I ever had a reason to want to escape from my life; I have an awesome family. Chock it up to preteen / teenage angst I guess. But now I want to participate in life, and then I didn’t. I’m not the prettiest person on this earth, I’m not the smartest. I’ve made mistakes that I deeply regret. But I realized that I could either TRY to improve my situation and settle for less than perfect or I could stick my head in the sand and avoid all of the little things that make me unhappy {being ugly, not doing well in math, etc}.

 

Now when I feel the need to get out of my head I read, watch TV, play with my pup, or do a project. I’ll continue painting my canister lids in chalkboard, or pull staples from the floor {I removed the carpet that came with the house}. Because every time I do something like that it gives me one less thing to be unhappy about. 

 

Now, I’m not saying games are evil or anything. If anyone out there plays games in a healthy way, go for it. I hope you get everything you farm for, I hope you kill all your enemies, and I hope your console / pc doesn’t lag too much. I personally just don’t game anymore because for me it was a crutch. A crutch I loved very dearly, but one I don’t need anymore. 

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This is more of a Demiromantic problem I guess.

 

Taking forever to develop romantic feelings for someone. And by then having been friend zoned because the other person has moved on and whatever romantic interest they might have had for me is long gone. 

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nerdperson777
6 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Same! I wasn’t really happy in middle school or high school, so I gamed a lot to get away from being unhappy. I’d stay up until 2-3am and then complain about getting up “early,” at like 12 in the afternoon. It was kind of a vicious cycle actually. The more unhappy I felt the more I played games. The more I played games, the less I saw my family, the harder waking up was, and the less I got done irl, which in turn made me unhappier. At the time I didn’t realize that that was happening, but now that I’m an adult, I look back at that time with regret. I lost my grandmother this year, and I can’t help wishing I’d spent more time with her as a kid and less on that damn console.

 

I don’t find myself as interested in games anymore, now that I don’t really want to escape from my life. Not that I ever had a reason to want to escape from my life; I have an awesome family. Chock it up to preteen / teenage angst I guess. But now I want to participate in life, and then I didn’t. I’m not the prettiest person on this earth, I’m not the smartest. I’ve made mistakes that I deeply regret. But I realized that I could either TRY to improve my situation and settle for less than perfect or I could stick my head in the sand and avoid all of the little things that make me unhappy {being ugly, not doing well in math, etc}.

 

Now when I feel the need to get out of my head I read, watch TV, play with my pup, or do a project. I’ll continue painting my canister lids in chalkboard, or pull staples from the floor {I removed the carpet that came with the house}. Because every time I do something like that it gives me one less thing to be unhappy about. 

 

Now, I’m not saying games are evil or anything. If anyone out there plays games in a healthy way, go for it. I hope you get everything you farm for, I hope you kill all your enemies, and I hope your console / pc doesn’t lag too much. I personally just don’t game anymore because for me it was a crutch. A crutch I loved very dearly, but one I don’t need anymore. 

Well, normally my mom would make me stop gaming by 12 or 1 am.  That's usually the time she stopped watching TV and came upstairs.  It was either that or she fell asleep with the TV on.  But once I graduated high school, she didn't try to stop me anymore and that's probably when I started staying up until 3am.  I have trouble feeling connected to people so I didn't feel too much for my grandparents.  I also only had grandmothers because my grandfathers died a decade before I was born.  Even then, one grandmother died when I was 3, and the other at 12.  I never forgot that my dad told me that out of all her grandchildren, my grandmother spent the most time with me.  I think he meant that to guilt me into being grateful.  I actually saw her as an annoyance in life because she didn't listen to anyone who took care of her and did what she wanted, even if it was dangerous.  There was one time she asked me for a tub of water and I filled up a large container and lugged it down the stairs.  I realize how stupid that is now, instead of just filling it downstairs.  Afterwards she said that she didn't ask for it and just dumped all the water in the sink.  So I didn't like her too much because she wasn't that reasonable.

 

I still play once in a while when my friends from college decide to.  I last played a game in January with them.  I guess we're all full of adulting duties now that we have to worry about so we get busy.  I also can't play as much anymore because I start getting headaches, probably from having my headset on too long.  I'm more aware now of what's going on in life instead of avoiding it.  I never cared for being pretty, but that's probably due to not having aesthetic attraction.  My mom just wanted me to look presentable, and that was a challenge.  She tried to push me to be the smartest and then blamed me when I couldn't be.  Eventually I realized a contradiction.  If I was a perfect straight A student (which I stopped being once I got to college), she said that she wouldn't be up my butt on all my assignments.  But at the same time, even if I was, she'd probably still want to be up my butt anyway.  She's incredibly nosy and finds being curious to be the best thing anyone could be, even if it's asking intrusive questions like what genitals my trans friend has.  Over time, I started rejecting what I grew up with, so instead of waiting for someone to save me from my horrible life, I took it upon myself instead.  I need to create my own happiness.  My mom is absolutely stingy despite making enough money from a successful career.  She would only spend on my education and would make me guilty for wanting anything else.  Her excuse to not buy me games was that I had too many.  I had maybe 5 or 10, when my cousins had like 1000 or more.  They had like two stacks up to the ceiling.  She wished that I would read more, but after she differentiated a binary for studying and not studying, with books in the studying category, I wouldn't want to spend my free time studying more.  So I hate reading.  I don't have that complex a vocabulary, enough just to talk with others.  Despite being decent in all other subjects, primarily STEM, I've been actually below average in English.  I just have correct sentence structure and spelling from English being my first language.

 

I still have trouble trying to get out of my head at times.  I learned that if I was stuck, I had to sit there until I figured it out.  When I had college classmates that would go take a walk or something, I was caught off-guard.  I always thought that leaving the assignment unfinished would lead to not working on it later.  My current hobbies involve making plushies and other sewing things but I have been so busy that I spend time on my phone instead.  I've actually been playing more mobile games than on my computer.  I have many unfinished projects and none of my plushies have eyes.  My latest one just got the white part glued into it.

 

I thought games were evil, but that was possibly stereotypical Asian mentality.  My parents read all these things about people getting addicted to games and it ruined their lives.  There was an article about some guy who spent all his time outside of work playing WoW.  When he realized his issue, he stopped playing games and wrote a book on it.  I was also led to believe that games caused viruses.  One time I said that, if they did, we can sue the game companies.  My parents shut up about it, but games were still bad and unhealthy.  Now I'm seeing kids that are 10-20 years younger learning off educational games on iPads and other mobile devices.  They're learning AND having fun.  How come I couldn't have that?  Minecraft became super educational.  Times are changing and my parents failed to see it.

 

Games are an escape for many.  For trans people, it's usually playing a (binary) gender different from their own.  I don't regret all the times I got to play as a guy.  I don't think games are bad at all.  They do what they're supposed to do, for most people anyway.  My dad somehow equated playing a gun game with wanting to go to war to shoot real guns.  He once asked if I wanted to join a family friend at the gun range, which I declined back then because I was scared.  Now I want to try and he's doing all he can to avoid that.  I know that can lead to a debate about gun rights, with my parents on the anti-gun side, but I do think I have a right to try one out.

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, normally my mom would make me stop gaming by 12 or 1 am.  That's usually the time she stopped watching TV and came upstairs.  It was either that or she fell asleep with the TV on.  But once I graduated high school, she didn't try to stop me anymore and that's probably when I started staying up until 3am.  I have trouble feeling connected to people so I didn't feel too much for my grandparents.  I also only had grandmothers because my grandfathers died a decade before I was born.  Even then, one grandmother died when I was 3, and the other at 12.  I never forgot that my dad told me that out of all her grandchildren, my grandmother spent the most time with me.  I think he meant that to guilt me into being grateful.  I actually saw her as an annoyance in life because she didn't listen to anyone who took care of her and did what she wanted, even if it was dangerous.  There was one time she asked me for a tub of water and I filled up a large container and lugged it down the stairs.  I realize how stupid that is now, instead of just filling it downstairs.  Afterwards she said that she didn't ask for it and just dumped all the water in the sink.  So I didn't like her too much because she wasn't that reasonable.

 

I still play once in a while when my friends from college decide to.  I last played a game in January with them.  I guess we're all full of adulting duties now that we have to worry about so we get busy.  I also can't play as much anymore because I start getting headaches, probably from having my headset on too long.  I'm more aware now of what's going on in life instead of avoiding it.  I never cared for being pretty, but that's probably due to not having aesthetic attraction.  My mom just wanted me to look presentable, and that was a challenge.  She tried to push me to be the smartest and then blamed me when I couldn't be.  Eventually I realized a contradiction.  If I was a perfect straight A student (which I stopped being once I got to college), she said that she wouldn't be up my butt on all my assignments.  But at the same time, even if I was, she'd probably still want to be up my butt anyway.  She's incredibly nosy and finds being curious to be the best thing anyone could be, even if it's asking intrusive questions like what genitals my trans friend has.  Over time, I started rejecting what I grew up with, so instead of waiting for someone to save me from my horrible life, I took it upon myself instead.  I need to create my own happiness.  My mom is absolutely stingy despite making enough money from a successful career.  She would only spend on my education and would make me guilty for wanting anything else.  Her excuse to not buy me games was that I had too many.  I had maybe 5 or 10, when my cousins had like 1000 or more.  They had like two stacks up to the ceiling.  She wished that I would read more, but after she differentiated a binary for studying and not studying, with books in the studying category, I wouldn't want to spend my free time studying more.  So I hate reading.  I don't have that complex a vocabulary, enough just to talk with others.  Despite being decent in all other subjects, primarily STEM, I've been actually below average in English.  I just have correct sentence structure and spelling from English being my first language.

 

I still have trouble trying to get out of my head at times.  I learned that if I was stuck, I had to sit there until I figured it out.  When I had college classmates that would go take a walk or something, I was caught off-guard.  I always thought that leaving the assignment unfinished would lead to not working on it later.  My current hobbies involve making plushies and other sewing things but I have been so busy that I spend time on my phone instead.  I've actually been playing more mobile games than on my computer.  I have many unfinished projects and none of my plushies have eyes.  My latest one just got the white part glued into it.

 

I thought games were evil, but that was possibly stereotypical Asian mentality.  My parents read all these things about people getting addicted to games and it ruined their lives.  There was an article about some guy who spent all his time outside of work playing WoW.  When he realized his issue, he stopped playing games and wrote a book on it.  I was also led to believe that games caused viruses.  One time I said that, if they did, we can sue the game companies.  My parents shut up about it, but games were still bad and unhealthy.  Now I'm seeing kids that are 10-20 years younger learning off educational games on iPads and other mobile devices.  They're learning AND having fun.  How come I couldn't have that?  Minecraft became super educational.  Times are changing and my parents failed to see it.

 

Games are an escape for many.  For trans people, it's usually playing a (binary) gender different from their own.  I don't regret all the times I got to play as a guy.  I don't think games are bad at all.  They do what they're supposed to do, for most people anyway.  My dad somehow equated playing a gun game with wanting to go to war to shoot real guns.  He once asked if I wanted to join a family friend at the gun range, which I declined back then because I was scared.  Now I want to try and he's doing all he can to avoid that.  I know that can lead to a debate about gun rights, with my parents on the anti-gun side, but I do think I have a right to try one out.

I’m sorry about that. She seems like she would have been difficult to deal with,  but I’m not passing judgement on that. My maternal grandfather was like that, I heard. My maternal grandfather died before I was even born, but I heard through relatives that he liked getting my mom and uncles in trouble whenever he could.

 

That’s fine. I’m sorry if I seemed judgmental, I wasn’t trying to be. There’s nothing wrong with games, I just avoid them for personal reasons now. You don’t have to like reading. I personally love reading, but it’s like any other leisure activity, nobody should look down on you for not enjoying it. Your mom is right that education is important, I let mine slip more than once and I hate myself for it, BUT not everyone that gets an education uses it. My sister ended up costing my mom a lot of money. A LOT of money. She had to go to a private college, because nothing our family did or does is ever good enough for her, even though we aren’t rich. She ended up complaining about her classes and major. My mom suggested she might want to change, since she was paying a lot and she didn’t want it wasted. My sister refused, got the degree, and never went into a professional that utilized her chosen field of study. She’s going on 27 now and decided she wanted to be a pilot, so she’s spent the last 3 years of my grandma’s life spending her retirement savings on flight lessons. My grandma’s savings went to lessons to the tune of $500 apiece. Despite this, my sister STILL doesn’t have her license because she doesn’t hustle. She doesn’t commit to it. It’s a hobby that she says will “one day,” turn into a career.

 

Your English seems fine. I wouldn’t worry about it. 

 

Playing a game with guns no more indicates an interest in going to war than me playing SaTCM indicates an interest in becoming a sword wielding Egyptian demigod. I also take exception to your dads implication that an interest in guns is inherently bad. Pro 2a here. I won’t post my whole argument here, because it would get off topic, but if you ever argue with him and want some counter points, let me know. Basically, firearms are just objects. They can be used for bad things or good things, but they themselves are neither because objects don’t have agency.

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Honestly, I’ve handled and fired guns before and I think everyone who’s comfortable with the idea should try using them at least once. There’s this aura of fear about them, and I feel like it dissipates somewhat once you try them. They will likely always be a part of society, so understanding them is important.

 

Also, my dad was not so subtly pressuring me into talking to these LDS missionaries knocking on doors in my neighborhood cause they were around my age and “attractive.” Sorry dad, I’m not romantic, sexual, or religious. Plus, they’re missionaries looking to spread their faith, not to pick up some random, areligious dude. I just gave them my number when they asked to politely get them to go away cause I can always not respond, but hopefully that’s not a signal 🤦🏻‍♂️😫.

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11 minutes ago, Laplace said:

Honestly, I’ve handled and fired guns before and I think everyone who’s comfortable with the idea should try using them at least once. There’s this aura of fear about them, and I feel like it dissipates somewhat once you try them. They will likely always be a part of society, so understanding them is important.

 

Also, my dad was not so subtly pressuring me into talking to these LDS missionaries knocking on doors in my neighborhood cause they were around my age and “attractive.” Sorry dad, I’m not romantic, sexual, or religious. Plus, they’re missionaries looking to spread their faith, not to pick up some random, areligious dude. I just gave them my number when they asked to politely get them to go away cause I can always not respond, but hopefully that’s not a signal 🤦🏻‍♂️😫.

Aye...I AM religious and I think that’s strange also. Like.....people need to keep religion and matchmaking separate. If they text you, I’d block them. That’s sketch af

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Bronztrooper

The vast majority of my interest in guns is academic, so I'd prefer to learn about them rather than own them.  It's just not my kind of thing to own a gun- but other people can do whatever they want with theirs if they have any, so long as it is within reason and doesn't result in others being threatened/hurt/killed.

 

As for religion, I came to the conclusion a few years ago that we will not be able to confirm/deny the beliefs of any religious/non-religious group any time within any of our life-times, so arguing about it is pointless.  What really matters to me is whether or not people are trying to push their beliefs on others, and whether or not they try to use their beliefs to promote hate/violence/general intolerance.  If they do any of that, I will avoid associating with them.

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6 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

The vast majority of my interest in guns is academic, so I'd prefer to learn about them rather than own them.  It's just not my kind of thing to own a gun- but other people can do whatever they want with theirs if they have any, so long as it is within reason and doesn't result in others being threatened/hurt/killed.

Even if your interest is academic, some practical experience can teach you a lot.  There are gun ranges that will rent you guns and sell you some ammo to fire them in the range for the day.  They usually have well trained people that goes with you that will make sure you follow the safety rules and keep you (and everyone else) safe, and the only things that get shot are paper targets.  I never wanted to own a gun either, but, it was an interesting experience.

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2 hours ago, Zash said:

Even if your interest is academic, some practical experience can teach you a lot.  There are gun ranges that will rent you guns and sell you some ammo to fire them in the range for the day.  They usually have well trained people that goes with you that will make sure you follow the safety rules and keep you (and everyone else) safe, and the only things that get shot are paper targets.  I never wanted to own a gun either, but, it was an interesting experience.

^ If we’re thinking about the same range {probably more than one does this, but one famous one comes to mind} they have women’s day on Monday so it’s free as long as you buy ammo there. 

 

Which is actually not a bad deal, as some of the ranges I’ve been to have been very expensive. 😭 Why is everything expensive? When I was your age gas was $2.00 a gallon. 😭 The only bad thing is I had to walk to school in the snow going uphill both ways 😂

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Bronztrooper
3 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Why is everything expensive? When I was your age gas was $2.00 a gallon. 😭 The only bad thing is I had to walk to school in the snow going uphill both ways 

Short answer: Greed

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On 4/25/2019 at 6:36 PM, i.r3beka said:

@nerdperson777

 

Wtf. That’s messed up. My niece and I used to play video games {I personally didn’t like the label gamer, but there you have it}, and I’ve known lots of girls who do, so they aren’t rare in my experience. That’s just...wtf. I’d tell your friend to be careful, he could be talking to literally anyone.  Not everyone is honest with their age, gender, etc online.

 

Stuff like this is why I always preferred solo games or party games. Either play by myself offline with my character vs. whatever enemies were in the game, stuff like TRAOD, TRL, Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy, or play with my cousins and nieces IRL. Stuff like ffx3, fusion frenzy, JSRF, Halo, Black Ops, etc.

 

I feel old. Old and sad 😓 they don’t make games like they used to.

I think people kinda underestimate how many women play video games nowadays. I never really met all that many IRL when growing up, but I just treat them like any other person. People creeping on them just makes me cringe so hard cause it makes me look bad as a gamer guy 🤦🏻‍♂️. Video games are like the one space where gender almost doesn’t even matter which is a really cool concept. I mean, some people abuse that anonymity but the fact that a girl can blend in with a bunch of guys and vice versa is liberating in a way.

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4 hours ago, Laplace said:

I think people kinda underestimate how many women play video games nowadays. I never really met all that many IRL when growing up, but I just treat them like any other person. People creeping on them just makes me cringe so hard cause it makes me look bad as a gamer guy 🤦🏻‍♂️. Video games are like the one space where gender almost doesn’t even matter which is a really cool concept. I mean, some people abuse that anonymity but the fact that a girl can blend in with a bunch of guys and vice versa is liberating in a way.

I didn't read all of the convo (It was too long sorry lol), but omg I found that revealing I'm a woman online when gaming doesn't end too well (cept for one time where all the men were mature and it was awesome! We were "the kings" that night haha)... One time I signed up to get coaching for League of Legends so I could be a better player, and by my username everyone that I was a dude. THEN when we got on voice chat this creepy dude became obsessed with me (the other guy was just mildly surprised which was amusing lmao). I didn't mind pointers or anything, but this dude would nitpick apart everything I did and the worst thing he did was the second I'd log in he'd send a PM, "DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?" and when I wouldn't answer in 10 seconds he'd send it again. I used to say no but he couldn't take no for an answer so I'd just ignore him because I want to play with my other friends or just a solo game. So after ignoring him or saying no, I would queue up and be in the game, and in League you can see online statuses (away, online, in queue, in game, etc), and this creepy dude would point out all my statuses and then say really weird stuff like, "Oh I see you're in a game. If you didn't want to play you could just tell me :):):)". Then I'd be midgame and he'd send another message, "When you're done let me know if you want to play!" Like dude, I told you 5x before I don't want to play with you right now, leave me alone and go play with someone else. I am not the only player in this game and thousands of people are online rn. I ended up unfriending and blocking him after about two weeks because it was too much. Just because a gamer happens to be a girl  it doesn't mean you suffocate her and annoy her. Let people breathe geez.

 

But I noticed over the years that by my usernames a lot of people think I'm a man on forums and they never bother me like this. They just treat me like one of the bros, no one hits on me, no one acts creepy, and it's all good honestly. I really love it tbh... It used to amuse me at first when people would call me "bro" and "man" (idc what people call me honestly), but now it feels weird if someone refers to me as a girl... I think I just got used to everyone thinking I was a man and I never bother to correct them because I just do not want that attention or people saying stupid things like "ooooh you must be on your period and that's why you're so mad!!" or overtly sexual things (I kid you not this dude started talking about Tentacruel from Pokemon and started saying nasty things about it...). I just want to play the damn game and if we happen to become friends, great, but stop forcing stuff and being creepy just because someone is a girl 😩

 

(I hope this didn't come off as all gamer guys are like this. I feel like it's just a minority tbh but when it happens it's super annoying!!!)

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@Strifed
this guy is terribly creepy. I am not really involved in online gaming. I believe avoiding to deal with this type of guys is part of it.

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7 minutes ago, Bloc said:

@Strifed
this guy is terribly creepy. I am not really involved in online gaming. I believe avoiding to deal with this type of guys is part of it.

Yeah, they can really ruin the experience tbh 😕 I mostly play single player games now or just join forums where we talk about strategies/tierlists/team comps vs actually playing with anyone. The convo never deviates from the game and mechanics, so it's much nicer. For games with multiplayer campaigns I either trick the game into thinking others are with me or will grab an IRL friend 😅 It's not so much as the guys running me away from multiplayer (tho... they are terribly annoying), I just love single player so much more, have always played it more, and I don't feel the burden of "letting my team down". At least if I die it's my fault or my hardware just decided to be weird lol.

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Bronztrooper
1 hour ago, Strifed said:

Yeah, they can really ruin the experience tbh 😕 I mostly play single player games now or just join forums where we talk about strategies/tierlists/team comps vs actually playing with anyone. The convo never deviates from the game and mechanics, so it's much nicer. For games with multiplayer campaigns I either trick the game into thinking others are with me or will grab an IRL friend 😅 It's not so much as the guys running me away from multiplayer (tho... they are terribly annoying), I just love single player so much more, have always played it more, and I don't feel the burden of "letting my team down". At least if I die it's my fault or my hardware just decided to be weird lol.

My experience as an observer of moments where players online say that they're a girl has been usually a flood of comments like "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND" or something else that sounds equally desperate.  Meanwhile I just sit there and think "Ok, cool, lets keep playing".  Once I even commented on such a situation by saying something along the lines of "It's sad how desperate you guys are".

 

MMO RPGs have given mixed reactions to players starting they're girls, in my experience, since people who prefer RPGs tend to be much more relaxed and tolerant.  I do also remember when I had GTA V and played online that my dad said that it's better to play as a female character because you're less likely to get killed by other players and from what I saw, he was right.  He even had one time where a guy was being unusually nice to him because he was playing a female character.

 

As for me, I really prefer playing single-player games for the most part, or even MMO RPGs or games like Destiny where you can progress through the story on your own and not have to worry about fighting other players.  It's mainly because playing online against other people can get to me rather easily if it feels like I'm more of a target than a player, but it is so satisfying when I wreck house.  But on the whole, I prefer single-player games.

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@Strifed Yikes. I don't play a lot of online games, so I've never come across a dude like that. I do tend to play as the male avatar in video games, though. About the only time this really comes up is when I'm playing Pokemon Go, and luckily for me, my story's a bit more lighthearted than yours. Maybe I can restore a little faith in gamers. 😅 My college campus has a really active Pokemon Go community, and we've even got a group snapchat. Between my avatar, PG username, and using just my last name on SnapChat, pretty much everyone thought I was a guy. One day I show up to a raid that was organized on SC, and one of the guys gathered there calls my name and waves me over. I ask if we're about ready to start, and he says, "We're just waiting on LN. He said he was on his way- he must be in the building or something."

M: "Wait. LN? That's me. That's my last name."

Some other guy in the group connects me with my avatar and goes, "Oh, you're EmmetS?"

M: "Yep!"

"Yeah, I saw you on my friend's list and I was like, 'who is this guy?'"

M: "Yeah, I liked the male avatar more, so."

And that was that. No one really cared, they were just glad to figure out who LN and EmmetS were. Hopefully if I do branch into online games, I can continue avoiding the creepers. I seem to be fairly good at that, at least. 😄

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Anthracite_Impreza

@Strifed I don't play multiplayer anything but I've heard so many horror stories. I don't understand it, wtf is wrong with them? Do they go around harrassing women in the street too? Sadly, part of me thinks they do, or at least will.

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26 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

@Strifed I don't play multiplayer anything but I've heard so many horror stories. I don't understand it, wtf is wrong with them? Do they go around harrassing women in the street too? Sadly, part of me thinks they do, or at least will.

 

True. My other question is, what do they honestly think will happen? It’s like people, do you really think some random girl on the internet is going to text you her number / address / whatever and you’ll meet up? Really? Even IF the person you’re talking to isn’t a creeper, and is actually a girl your age, and is actually interested in you also, and even IF they want to meet up, what do you think the likelihood is that they live near you?

 

You could be in NY chatting with someone in Australia. And the types of people looking for that sort of thing probably aren’t on gaming sites, they’re probably on dating sites.

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