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#AsexualProblems


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WoodwindWhistler
On 4/19/2019 at 4:24 PM, Laplace said:

I just kinda laugh derisively at anyone who uses words like “virgin” as an insult. First, it’s not really an insult. Second, it just sounds lame and pathetic. It’s like unironically calling someone a “nerd.” 🤦🏻‍♂️

Psshhh, surely we've reclaimed nerd as an affirming term by now. 

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38 minutes ago, WoodwindWhistler said:

And it's doubly frustrating, because in other cultures and times, asexuality (and the likely resulting monkhood) would've been valued and respected. LGBT people in many cultures are also considered spiritually attuned and given special positions. 

But no, we had to get stuck in the biology-sex-secular flashy modern Western culture. 

Or we would have been the virgin sacrifice to the gods for a good harvest. 

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On 4/17/2019 at 11:13 AM, FionaSkye66 said:

Doctor: Are you sexually active?

Me: No. 

Doctor: What's wrong with you? 

#Asexualproblems 

(sarcastic tone) Thank's doc! 🙄

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When the bard in your DnD campaign won't stop trying to seduce everyone and you're just sitting there as a sex-repulsed ace like 🙃 

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On 4/17/2019 at 10:40 PM, AmorphousBlob said:

I have a probably-true conspiracy theory that the pockets thing is just to sell more purses.

This is probably true. But also, highly irritating because purses don’t do it for me. I’d need a suitcase for all the stuff I want to carry 

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Locking this thread for a few hours to cool down and clean. 

 

EDIT:

 

OK Its been 11 hours and having cleaned this thread I am now unlocking it on the understanding that we all remember that this thread is for asexual problems not for debating. 

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On 4/21/2019 at 11:15 AM, Firefly8 said:

Or we would have been the virgin sacrifice to the gods for a good harvest. 

Looool 100% me 😋

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3 hours ago, Eva River said:

Looool 100% me 😋

This is greatly upsetting. This reminded me of a tumblr post. I wanted to post it because it was relatable and hilarious af.  I just lost two hours of my life and I still can’t find it.

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Ok, so i guess this is more like a question than a problem, but i saw this post on instagram that made me kinda confused...Basically: are we or are we not part of the LGBT+ community????? Some say we are, some say we aren't, i just wanted to know if there's an official answer and well, how the people of this community feel about it.

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@Intybus Use the Search feature. There are many other threads about this and it doesn't really go in this thread.

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WoodwindWhistler
On 4/21/2019 at 8:36 AM, ben8884 said:

Locking this thread for a few hours to cool down and clean. 

 

EDIT:

 

OK Its been 11 hours and having cleaned this thread I am now unlocking it on the understanding that we all remember that this thread is for asexual problems not for debating. 

Often a "debate" consists of how to handle problems encountered for being an asexual. So I fail to see how they are automatically off-topic. 

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If people wish to give different perspectives on a problem that is fine but when they start insulting others or shaming others then that is not OK.

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nerdperson777
On 4/18/2019 at 10:42 PM, naakka said:

Oh cool you've started medical transitioning! I think I misinterpret your state on the firs comment, you've probably talked more about gender with professionals than I did lol. I'm happy everything worked out for you.

 

As said, my gender is also on the male side (I don't experience any connection to female), but closer to agender than yours probably. I've considered medical transitioning, but my dysphoria (I don't have diagnosis) isn't that intense and coherent I'd be confident enough to start (here only binary people can have medical transitioning). Hormones, even low dose, would make me transition too pervasive way eventually, so I'd probably feel dysphoria with or without. Mastectomy is something I've been thinking of though.

 

Anyhow, this is going really badly off-topic now lol. Lets contimue by pm... if there was still something you wanted to say :D

Now I'm wondering if I'm partly agender.  I don't really care about names or pronouns.  Names are just something to refer to someone specifically.  I don't really care what pronouns I'm called as long as it's not she or it.  I'm really whatever about it all.

 

If you want to PM, feel free.  I'm just busy sometimes, like how I just replied a few days later.

 

On 4/19/2019 at 2:25 PM, i.r3beka said:

SAME! Someone was telling me to “be sexy” at work. I snapped and told them I’m not going to prostitute myself. {Yes, I was rude but I snapped, what can I say?}   My coworker was all “I’d rather be a prostitute than a virgin.” Really? You’d rather have a job that’s disgusting, illegal, immoral, AND will open you up to diseases? Ok, you do you. But to me it’s as stupid as it would be if someone insulted me for not eating broccoli. I hate broccoli, absolutely despise it. You can’t “rub it in,” that I don’t eat something I hate.

I've learned from friends not to look down on prostitutes and sex workers.  You never really know someone's situation.  Some people are in the business because they're desperate for money.  They're taking the risk of having diseases in order to get by.  Disgusting is just from our perspective, but I'm not going to force my opinion on someone else.  Often times, they don't have legal protections because they are told that they put themselves in that situation.

 

On 4/20/2019 at 11:40 PM, Dr. Beat said:

When the bard in your DnD campaign won't stop trying to seduce everyone and you're just sitting there as a sex-repulsed ace like 🙃 

In my game, the pansexual girl is trying to seduce all her classmates.  My character is supposedly romantic but I have no idea how to play a romantic character.  Theatre just told me to touch people's shoulders a lot, haha.

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

In my game, the pansexual girl is trying to seduce all her classmates.  My character is supposedly romantic but I have no idea how to play a romantic character.  Theatre just told me to touch people's shoulders a lot, haha.

As someone that’s accidentally touched people’s shoulders I find it deeply disturbing that people would perceive this as romantic 😳. I’ve worked in several restaurants that have had tight spaces with coworkers that didn’t understand or respect “behind!!”

 

Why is everything perceived as romantic? 

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

 

 

In my game, the pansexual girl is trying to seduce all her classmates.  My character is supposedly romantic but I have no idea how to play a romantic character.  Theatre just told me to touch people's shoulders a lot, haha.

Our bard is also pan. And yeah, that's why I'm a bit hesitant to play my other character. They're ace, but romantic and supposed to act flirtatious in order to persuade people.

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Wanting physical contact in the manner of laying on top of someone else or having them lay on top of you and always having it be misconstrued as something romantic when others are around. (I've found that a good straight friend of the same gender who doesn't feel threatened in their sexuality by showing public affection is always a good thing. It's how my best friend of almost four years and I became closer than any friend I've ever had before that) 

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nerdperson777
3 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

As someone that’s accidentally touched people’s shoulders I find it deeply disturbing that people would perceive this as romantic 😳. I’ve worked in several restaurants that have had tight spaces with coworkers that didn’t understand or respect “behind!!”

 

Why is everything perceived as romantic? 

The long story that I previously told is that my character had romantic and sexual tensions with another character because they slept together the previous night.  My character said something really extraordinary but that character and another in the scene had trouble believing it.  So I had to use that tension to make the tense partner believe me.  I hardly looked at that person during the first run so my professor said that I needed to show that more.  I touched the character's shoulder three times and he said "I see it!"  I told this to my roommate and they told me that I needed to patent it before someone else does, haha.

 

3 hours ago, Dr. Beat said:

Our bard is also pan. And yeah, that's why I'm a bit hesitant to play my other character. They're ace, but romantic and supposed to act flirtatious in order to persuade people.

The other players assume my character is aro ace because I'm aro ace.  My character is panromantic, but I have no idea how to play a romantic person.  I thought maybe I'll make them demi-panromantic but that sounds like cheating to me.  At what point will this be relevant to the story?  The pan girl is playing a pan girl but the lesbian is playing a grey-ro ace robot.  She said that if someone asked her out, she would say yes, not realizing the connotation.  It was funny though, at the beginning I asked if our story was a dating simulator for the robot since there were two potential ships.  But over time, those didn't happen when those two didn't show up in the story for a while.  So the pan girl is now having "fun" with all her classmates, except us.

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29 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

The long story that I previously told is that my character had romantic and sexual tensions with another character because they slept together the previous night.  My character said something really extraordinary but that character and another in the scene had trouble believing it.  So I had to use that tension to make the tense partner believe me.  I hardly looked at that person during the first run so my professor said that I needed to show that more.  I touched the character's shoulder three times and he said "I see it!"  I told this to my roommate and they told me that I needed to patent it before someone else does, haha.

Huh. That’s all very confusing. I also never understood those co-sleeping scenes in media. Do allos usually want to frick frack people just because they co-sleep? My Ace must be showing, but to me co-sleeping isn’t inherently sexual. Parents and young children sometimes co-sleep. People co-sleep with pets too. My dog sleeps on my bed. {I don’t personally like it, because the bed is small and Rogue is huge, but I found if I tell her no she just gets up anyway when I’m sleeping.} 

 

Also, co-sleeping with pets isn’t just an ace thing. My brother and SIL sleep with their three Boston terriers. My niece slept with her cat until it died last year.

 

Back when I still had friends, we’d all pile on whoever’s bed and watch movies. I’m not sure why allos would think two people co-sleeping is sexual. The way I see it, two people sharing a bed would be for the same reason that a person and their pets / kids share a bed, it’s the most comfortable spot in the house, and you feel warm and safe when there’s a lot of you piled together.

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Bronztrooper
5 hours ago, EmberTale said:

Wanting physical contact in the manner of laying on top of someone else or having them lay on top of you and always having it be misconstrued as something romantic when others are around. (I've found that a good straight friend of the same gender who doesn't feel threatened in their sexuality by showing public affection is always a good thing. It's how my best friend of almost four years and I became closer than any friend I've ever had before that) 

Damn, finally someone put this feeling into words.

 

I saw a thing on Pinterest that described a similar feeling and then further elaborated on it by saying 'like cats' and it felt appropriate.

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Custard Cream
1 hour ago, Bronztrooper said:

Damn, finally someone put this feeling into words.

 

I saw a thing on Pinterest that described a similar feeling and then further elaborated on it by saying 'like cats' and it felt appropriate.

Yeah... perfect way of thinking about it.

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4 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Back when I still had friends, we’d all pile on whoever’s bed and watch movies. I’m not sure why allos would think two people co-sleeping is sexual. The way I see it, two people sharing a bed would be for the same reason that a person and their pets / kids share a bed, it’s the most comfortable spot in the house, and you feel warm and safe when there’s a lot of you piled together.

I can't tell you how many times I've co-slept with friends.  My ex and I would always offer to our closest friends who spent the night the opportunity to sleep in our bed because our bed was a California king and was amazing and we nicknamed it "the cloud".  You could easy fit 4 people without even touching.    My friend group seems way more okay with cuddling than almost anyone I know though.  Especially at my age.  That shit seems fine when you're young, but then people get all weirded out and jealous as you get older.  

 

I assume we allos have a much harder time with it because we tend to get jealous easier.  I don't have time for jealousy and I don't put up with jealous people. I find it very ugly and aggressive.

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7 hours ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

I can't tell you how many times I've co-slept with friends.  My ex and I would always offer to our closest friends who spent the night the opportunity to sleep in our bed because our bed was a California king and was amazing and we nicknamed it "the cloud".  You could easy fit 4 people without even touching.    My friend group seems way more okay with cuddling than almost anyone I know though.  Especially at my age.  That shit seems fine when you're young, but then people get all weirded out and jealous as you get older.  

Aye! That sounds awesome! Isn’t a California King longer than a traditional king sized bed? Or is it wider as well?

 

10 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Damn, finally someone put this feeling into words.

 

I saw a thing on Pinterest that described a similar feeling and then further elaborated on it by saying 'like cats' and it felt appropriate.

I never knew this was a thing or realized how much I felt this until you said it. I like cuddling and spooning, especially when watching movies. It’s sad that these things have become associated almost exclusively with sexual relationships.

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nerdperson777
8 hours ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

I can't tell you how many times I've co-slept with friends.  My ex and I would always offer to our closest friends who spent the night the opportunity to sleep in our bed because our bed was a California king and was amazing and we nicknamed it "the cloud".  You could easy fit 4 people without even touching.    My friend group seems way more okay with cuddling than almost anyone I know though.  Especially at my age.  That shit seems fine when you're young, but then people get all weirded out and jealous as you get older.  

 

I assume we allos have a much harder time with it because we tend to get jealous easier.  I don't have time for jealousy and I don't put up with jealous people. I find it very ugly and aggressive.

My parents would tell me that there were things I couldn't do anymore and not really provide a legit reason.  I remember that kissing your parents was a thing and then one time my mom said we couldn't do that anymore.  Then sometimes I would sleep in my dad's room because he had an AC there.  At some point, mom said that I couldn't be in the same bed as dad.  Nothing was really explained in detail about these things.  So now when we do go to dad's room, we just stay on the floor.

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18 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My parents would tell me that there were things I couldn't do anymore and not really provide a legit reason.  I remember that kissing your parents was a thing and then one time my mom said we couldn't do that anymore.  Then sometimes I would sleep in my dad's room because he had an AC there.  At some point, mom said that I couldn't be in the same bed as dad.  Nothing was really explained in detail about these things.  So now when we do go to dad's room, we just stay on the floor.

One of the biggest regrets I have as a mother is letting my ex influence me on how I interacted with my son.  My son and I used to cuddle all of the time.  At some point when my son was around the age of 10 my ex told me that I had to stop doing that.  Had to stop hugging him.  Had to make him not a "momma's boy".  I didn't want to stop.  But he kept telling me that I was being a bad parent.  Coddling him.  So one day I stopped.  And I told my son that we couldn't do those things anymore.  And he looked like I broke his heart.  And in turn, my heart broke.  I'll never forget it.  

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nerdperson777
2 hours ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

One of the biggest regrets I have as a mother is letting my ex influence me on how I interacted with my son.  My son and I used to cuddle all of the time.  At some point when my son was around the age of 10 my ex told me that I had to stop doing that.  Had to stop hugging him.  Had to make him not a "momma's boy".  I didn't want to stop.  But he kept telling me that I was being a bad parent.  Coddling him.  So one day I stopped.  And I told my son that we couldn't do those things anymore.  And he looked like I broke his heart.  And in turn, my heart broke.  I'll never forget it.  

Well, if he is still willing to now, you can ask him to cuddle, although toxic masculinity might say that it's embarrassing and not manly to be intimate with your parents.  There's a family friend, she probably did make her son into a momma's boy.  Maybe that's the closest thing she got to getting a daughter.  She's religiously conservative and has disapproved of gay marriage but her son acts very stereotypically gay.  He talks in that stereotypical voice and works in fashion design.  He dresses fashionably.  He's now having a career in New York and probably isn't returning to this area.  If her son was actually gay, I wonder if she would do a complete 180 and start supporting it as an advocate because she loves her (younger, she has two) son.  There was one gathering where he was sitting on his dad's lap while our parents were conversing.  I guess my mom told me about this later because it seemed like an odd, not manly, thing for him to do.  He wasn't that young either.  He was getting to his 30s, and has a Master's degree. 

 

After being in the community for so long and reading on mental conditions, I find it no point for me to judge anyone for these tiny things anymore.  People put so much emphasis on one's reputation, which could be affected by false evidence.  One of my roommates, before she decided to make her fake relationship real, complained about not having a girlfriend.  I find that at the same time, she wasn't accepting anyone who didn't fit a specific expectation, and one was age.  She is about to turn 30 and I remember one of her requirements for a partner was not to big of an age difference.  If someone is over 18, I consider it okay that they don't want to date someone younger than 18 for legal precaution or whatever but she was saying something like whoever she dates couldn't be 20 or 22 or something.  I know I'm not going to date anyone, but even if they are 20 or 22, and if I'm 30, as long as you two like each other and it's not some manipulative thing, why not?  Life's too short to judge people on these kinds of things.  Just go live how you want to live and be happy doing whatever you do.  I'm probably biased though, since I grew up doing everything for a reputation and nothing worked out for me so I stopped caring.

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It’s probably a good thing I’m quite hesitant to allow anyone else into my bed cause I’d end up kicking them in my sleep 😴. I think I roll and spaz out a lot so it’d be a little uncomfortable if anyone wanted to sleep directly alongside me 😅.

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3 hours ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

One of the biggest regrets I have as a mother is letting my ex influence me on how I interacted with my son.  My son and I used to cuddle all of the time.  At some point when my son was around the age of 10 my ex told me that I had to stop doing that.  Had to stop hugging him.  Had to make him not a "momma's boy".  I didn't want to stop.  But he kept telling me that I was being a bad parent.  Coddling him.  So one day I stopped.  And I told my son that we couldn't do those things anymore.  And he looked like I broke his heart.  And in turn, my heart broke.  I'll never forget it.  

Your ex sounds like a real charmer 🙄. I might talk to your son and see if he’s ok with being hugged, etc. I’m 23 and I still hug my mom and kiss her cheeks etc. Maybe I’m weird 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think it would be worth discussing with your son though.

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