#AsexualProblems

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Completely random and pointless fucking scene in a film >.<

[ChaoticHetergenousMixture]

Why does nearly all art have to be invaded by romance? ☹️

[Zectarash]

1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Completely random and pointless fucking scene in a film >.<

Also a quick gripe about profanity: I missed the verb the first time I read that.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Zectarash said:

Also a quick gripe about profanity: I missed the verb the first time I read that.

😂 Same! I read that as fvcking the same way that I say “I hate slow fvcking drivers”

[General]

3 hours ago, Laplace said:

Wow that’s ****ed up. I’d walk out and demand my money back and a change of doctor immediately if that happened to me. All my doctors have been like, “Hey that’s a pretty good choice actually.” It’s one less issue for them to deal with when assessing me. 

Let me tell you, it's a whole different ball game when you're afab.  Especially in your 30s and beyond.  They look at you like you've committed an actual crime against nature.  I could almost see the doctor's brain exploding from sheer disbelief and confusion.  The panic stricken expression on their faces is priceless every time. 😄😂

[ElasticPlanet]

1 hour ago, Zectarash said:

2 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Completely random and pointless fucking scene in a film >.<

Also a quick gripe about profanity: I missed the verb the first time I read that.

So did I!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm sorry, it annoyed me so much I automatically swore xD

[nerdperson777]

22 hours ago, naakka said:

@AceOfHearts_85 Now it makes more sense - even if I think I can never completely get your gender as I haven't experienced it  I love to learn people's identities.

 

Hi! I just wanted to remind you, that appearance or behavior doesn't determine your gender = the way you "seem" doesn't tell your gender. The only thing that does is if you feel like the gender, if you want to be seen as the gender (instead of being content as gender-nonconforming woman). If you're content being female but prefer basculine things, it's ok to be a masculine woman (if it's ok to you).

 

If you feel confused about your gender, I suggest seeing gender therapist or have online counceling, if possible. If your gender is clear, I apologize for bothering have a good day!

 

I know gender expression =/= identity.  I've been learning a lot over the past couple years.  I definitely like being seen as male given a binary environment.  Over time I just hated being seen as female more and more.  I did identify as FtM first but something wasn't 100% right so I went looking around for other words.  I just let myself be more feminine now than before.  Before I knew about non-cis genders, I did think being seen as a masculine girl was better than a feminine guy because of the social stigma but as I realized my gender, I'm really more of a feminine guy (in more binary terms).

 

I have already been seeing a therapist for a while now.  She is a lesbian who's just seeing me as a binary male since like I said, no one knows unless I say otherwise.  She's occasionally asking about my "love interest, or not love interest" which isn't really anything.

 

20 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Awesome! What kind of martial arts are you guys taking?

 

I feel this too! Growing up I loved video games, toy soldiers, and bionicles, but I didn’t talk about it with other kids because I didn’t want to get teased for liking “boy things.”

 

I also do this. For a very long time {Until I was 21 or so} I didn’t wear boy clothes even though I needed pockets because I didn’t want to get made fun of. Then when I started a job that required khakis, I tried a pair of “men’s khakis,” and I loved them. I mean, khakis are hideous, don’t get me wrong,  but I loved the way they fit and I loved the pockets. I now wear this brand of men’s pants exclusively {black chinos on my days off and khakis when I work}. They fit my body perfectly {s, m, x, xl are different at different stores, whereas with men’s pants I know a 30x32 will always fit}, and I can fit a ton of stuff in my pockets. Nobody has said anything yet, but I’m starting not to care if they do. If a guy approaches me in the men’s section, hopefully I’ll have the chutzpah to say “I’m carrying my phone, wallet, keys, a box of tick tacks, AND raspberry duo candies in my pocket, fuck off.”

 

It’s frustrating really. For a gender that’s stereotyped as carrying a lot of stuff {usually stereotyped as carrying a lot of makeup}, girls don’t fare well in the pocket department.

We do wushu, which is contemporary Kung Fu, more for aesthetic display than martial intent.  There are people who say Wushu and Kung Fu are the same, but I wouldn't say it is.  I probably can't really fight anyone...

 

My dad bought me a pair of boys' khakis when I was in elementary school and I really loved them.  Once in 4th grade, I was wearing them while riding a cart at Target and I heard behind me, "sir, don't do that."  After a few seconds, I turned around and realized the employee was talking to me.  I told my mom later that I got called sir.  She said that I liked it but I denied it, not knowing what it entailed.  Those pants lasted me a while.  I have gone through a lot with them, including horrible blood stains.  Sadly, I don't fit them anymore.  I think last time I checked, they wouldn't fit me even if I didn't zip it.  But a pair of pants from elementary school, it shouldn't fit me as an adult.  My middle school PE clothes, on the other hand, still fit me just fine.

[AmorphousBlob]

21 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Awesome! What kind of martial arts are you guys taking?

 

I feel this too! Growing up I loved video games, toy soldiers, and bionicles, but I didn’t talk about it with other kids because I didn’t want to get teased for liking “boy things.”

 

I also do this. For a very long time {Until I was 21 or so} I didn’t wear boy clothes even though I needed pockets because I didn’t want to get made fun of. Then when I started a job that required khakis, I tried a pair of “men’s khakis,” and I loved them. I mean, khakis are hideous, don’t get me wrong,  but I loved the way they fit and I loved the pockets. I now wear this brand of men’s pants exclusively {black chinos on my days off and khakis when I work}. They fit my body perfectly {s, m, x, xl are different at different stores, whereas with men’s pants I know a 30x32 will always fit}, and I can fit a ton of stuff in my pockets. Nobody has said anything yet, but I’m starting not to care if they do. If a guy approaches me in the men’s section, hopefully I’ll have the chutzpah to say “I’m carrying my phone, wallet, keys, a box of tick tacks, AND raspberry duo candies in my pocket, fuck off.”

 

It’s frustrating really. For a gender that’s stereotyped as carrying a lot of stuff {usually stereotyped as carrying a lot of makeup}, girls don’t fare well in the pocket department.

I have a probably-true conspiracy theory that the pockets thing is just to sell more purses.

[naakka]

1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

I know gender expression =/= identity.  I've been learning a lot over the past couple years.  I definitely like being seen as male given a binary environment.  Over time I just hated being seen as female more and more.  I did identify as FtM first but something wasn't 100% right so I went looking around for other words.  I just let myself be more feminine now than before.  Before I knew about non-cis genders, I did think being seen as a masculine girl was better than a feminine guy because of the social stigma but as I realized my gender, I'm really more of a feminine guy (in more binary terms).

 

I have already been seeing a therapist for a while now.  She is a lesbian who's just seeing me as a binary male since like I said, no one knows unless I say otherwise.  She's occasionally asking about my "love interest, or not love interest" which isn't really anything.

Great to hear how you're doing I think for many (majority of?) trans people it's not immediately clear which term fits them, especially to marginalized enbies. Have you found any specific nb term that describes you (such as demiguy, masc-gender, neutri, agender...)? I think I could call myself demiguy (nb, but closer to "man" in binary terms on gender spectrum), but I just really prefer more neutral nb.

 

Do you feel like she's able to help you with gender especially? If you feel like no, you can try to find gender-specialized therapist or online-counceling, which is often easier way to find a specialized professional. I had that and it worked well enough to help me over my issues.

[WoodwindWhistler]

On 4/14/2019 at 3:59 PM, Strifed said:

oh, I have actually been thinking about something like this a while ago for myself and someone else too! I really dislike giving out my number to people I'm unsure of, but sometimes I still do want to get to know them... and if things go wrong (more like too clingy or we don't mesh well or another safety issue. I hope that doesn't sound rude or offensive oof) at least they won't have my real number haha. Is there one in particular you use or can recommend?

The one I use is to keep a certain mentally challenged lady from blowing up my phone with voicemail, so it's strictly only for texting. The first number was free and the customer service is very friendly and responsive, but the interface itself is glitchy. So uh, I couldn't really recommend it because you probably want to be able to call, and it has other issues. There are other services that will do this, too, and after I go through the texts she's paid for me to send her, I might try a different one.  

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, naakka said:

Great to hear how you're doing I think for many (majority of?) trans people it's not immediately clear which term fits them, especially to marginalized enbies. Have you found any specific nb term that describes you (such as demiguy, masc-gender, neutri, agender...)? I think I could call myself demiguy (nb, but closer to "man" in binary terms on gender spectrum), but I just really prefer more neutral nb.

 

Do you feel like she's able to help you with gender especially? If you feel like no, you can try to find gender-specialized therapist or online-counceling, which is often easier way to find a specialized professional. I had that and it worked well enough to help me over my issues.

I mainly just go with transmasculine.  It was the first term I came across to fit me after binary male.  I tried looking around for other terms but I kept routing back to transmasculine.  To me it just means masculine/male is my more dominant gender, whether in identity or expression, while not being binary.

 

I feel like I use my therapist more for non-gender issues, like family, career, roommates.  My gender hasn't been much of an issue once I started medically transitioning.  She already said that I seemed much happier now than before.  I was smiling while having my sessions.  She already noticed that when I was only 3 months on hormones.  I was often self-defeating and hopeless before, probably because I was a college student dependent on toxic parents.  I was severely burnt out and barely graduated.  I didn't have a job while in college.  I had no independence.  But luckily I graduated (with a C- in my last class).  I waited 4 months to be hired for a job, so I was on the couch all day on my phone until then.  But after a month or two after I was hired, I decided to go out and try to start transitioning services.  My mom told me to postpone until after I graduated but I knew that after I graduated, she would just not bring it up again so I had to do it all myself.

 

My therapist did ask me during my last session if I met some LGBT+ knowledgeable people how I would introduce myself.  In most cishet situations, I just let people assume that I'm male.  So to answer the question, I said that I would introduce myself with he/they pronouns, and just as a side note to her that I look male while my actual gender is more of a jumble.  Maybe now she'll think of more non-binary things after this session, but can't tell right now.

[starweb]

Twice today I came across things that made me stop and ask myself "Should I say something?"   They were online discussions. For those not in the know, a few minutes of the latest Avengers movie leaked online and people were scrambling to find it. Disney had their spoiler police out and all of the leaks were removed except for one on Pornhub. Someone asked, "What kind of a virgin do you have to be that your only entry on Pornhub is  for the Avengers movie?"  I came really close to saying something but wasn't in the mood to get snippy.

 

The other was a meme about advice to give to sons and it was all about how to treat women etc for the first time I was hit with how heteronormative the world is. Once again, I didn't say anything...

 

Part of me wishes I had, we need exposure but on the other hand, I don't want to get into a tirade in a comment section either.

 

[General]

4 hours ago, starweb said:

Twice today I came across things that made me stop and ask myself "Should I say something?"   They were online discussions. For those not in the know, a few minutes of the latest Avengers movie leaked online and people were scrambling to find it. Disney had their spoiler police out and all of the leaks were removed except for one on Pornhub. Someone asked, "What kind of a virgin do you have to be that your only entry on Pornhub is  for the Avengers movie?"  I came really close to saying something but wasn't in the mood to get snippy.

 

The other was a meme about advice to give to sons and it was all about how to treat women etc for the first time I was hit with how heteronormative the world is. Once again, I didn't say anything...

 

Part of me wishes I had, we need exposure but on the other hand, I don't want to get into a tirade in a comment section either.

 

I've learned that the majority of people who post those types of things don't actually care about education.  If you reply and it becomes a debate, that person's only goal is to prove to everyone that they prefer to remain ignorant, and they do in fact enjoy it.  

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with speaking up, exposure is important.  But never expect someone to change their thinking or their attitude even if you're 100% correct.  You can't reason with those who don't have it all upstairs.

 

Personally, I say what I have to say on the matter and defend my name if someone tries to slander me.  Other than that I don't bother with sheeple.

[naakka]

22 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I mainly just go with transmasculine.  It was the first term I came across to fit me after binary male.  I tried looking around for other terms but I kept routing back to transmasculine.  To me it just means masculine/male is my more dominant gender, whether in identity or expression, while not being binary.

 

I feel like I use my therapist more for non-gender issues, like family, career, roommates.  My gender hasn't been much of an issue once I started medically transitioning.  She already said that I seemed much happier now than before.  I was smiling while having my sessions.  She already noticed that when I was only 3 months on hormones.  I was often self-defeating and hopeless before, probably because I was a college student dependent on toxic parents.  I was severely burnt out and barely graduated.  I didn't have a job while in college.  I had no independence.  But luckily I graduated (with a C- in my last class).  I waited 4 months to be hired for a job, so I was on the couch all day on my phone until then.  But after a month or two after I was hired, I decided to go out and try to start transitioning services.  My mom told me to postpone until after I graduated but I knew that after I graduated, she would just not bring it up again so I had to do it all myself.

 

My therapist did ask me during my last session if I met some LGBT+ knowledgeable people how I would introduce myself.  In most cishet situations, I just let people assume that I'm male.  So to answer the question, I said that I would introduce myself with he/they pronouns, and just as a side note to her that I look male while my actual gender is more of a jumble.  Maybe now she'll think of more non-binary things after this session, but can't tell right now.

Oh cool you've started medical transitioning! I think I misinterpret your state on the firs comment, you've probably talked more about gender with professionals than I did lol. I'm happy everything worked out for you.

 

As said, my gender is also on the male side (I don't experience any connection to female), but closer to agender than yours probably. I've considered medical transitioning, but my dysphoria (I don't have diagnosis) isn't that intense and coherent I'd be confident enough to start (here only binary people can have medical transitioning). Hormones, even low dose, would make me transition too pervasive way eventually, so I'd probably feel dysphoria with or without. Mastectomy is something I've been thinking of though.

 

Anyhow, this is going really badly off-topic now lol. Lets contimue by pm... if there was still something you wanted to say

[naakka]

8 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I've learned that the majority of people who post those types of things don't actually care about education.  If you reply and it becomes a debate, that person's only goal is to prove to everyone that they prefer to remain ignorant, and they do in fact enjoy it.  

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with speaking up, exposure is important.  But never expect someone to change their thinking or their attitude even if you're 100% correct.  You can't reason with those who don't have it all upstairs.

 

Personally, I say what I have to say on the matter and defend my name if someone tries to slander me.  Other than that I don't bother with sheeple.

Exactly. My motivation to reply for people like this is the chance that some bystander will read our conversation and learn something. And it's my hobby to trick bad-mouthed trolls into civilisized and argumented conversations without them even realizing it lol xD

[Firefly8]

16 hours ago, starweb said:

Someone asked, "What kind of a virgin do you have to be that your only entry on Pornhub is  for the Avengers movie?"  I came really close to saying something but wasn't in the mood to get snippy.

I absolutely can't stand it when people use virginity or being single as a tool of mockery, like it's a negative thing. I'm not a confrontational person, but I've gotten the nerve to bluntly correct people before because it's such an ugly, disparaging way for them to speak. I've had others thank me for speaking up. People say asexuals aren't frowned upon or mocked in society, but it's not true. It's frustrating enough that people don't even know the word asexual, but how we live is fodder to mock and belittle with astonishing frequency. I speak up when I can.

[General]

6 hours ago, Firefly8 said:

I absolutely can't stand it when people use virginity or being single as a tool of mockery, like it's a negative thing. I'm not a confrontational person, but I've gotten the nerve to bluntly correct people before because it's such an ugly, disparaging way for them to speak. I've had others thank me for speaking up. People say asexuals aren't frowned upon or mocked in society, but it's not true. It's frustrating enough that people don't even know the word asexual, but how we live is fodder to mock and belittle with astonishing frequency. I speak up when I can.

I completely agree. 💯👌

[General]

10 hours ago, naakka said:

Exactly. My motivation to reply for people like this is the chance that some bystander will read our conversation and learn something. And it's my hobby to trick bad-mouthed trolls into civilisized and argumented conversations without them even realizing it lol xD

I recently had a similar experience with someone on AVEN a couple of days ago.  They made blatantly offensive statements, so I called them out on it.  This person then tried to blame me for their emotional crisis, which made them look stupid of course.  I replied again.  Then they went on another juvenile rant in which they said they were mocking me and I was the "enemy."  They made themselves look crazy with what they wrote, I certainly didn't have to.  On top of that they played the passive aggressive card, and edited their original comment with their snarky second reply instead of growing a spine and tagging me directly.  I didn't respond after that because I know they don't have it all upstairs.  Hope everyone reads the conversation on that thread so they can avoid this person.  I believe they are AMAB but I wouldn't doubt that they were assigned troll at birth. 😑

[S---y]

On 4/14/2019 at 9:23 PM, i.r3beka said:

Well that’s really depressing.  My plan if I couldn’t find an asexual SO was to find someone that would just have someone else to go to for that stuff.

Maybe it can work, but it just hasn't worked when I've tried. Incidentally, my last partner had been on the spectrum between asexual and homosexual (and was poly), but then somehow they took to viewing me as the same sex as them and now they want to have sex with me all the time. Sigh... So confusing.

[Laplace]

I just kinda laugh derisively at anyone who uses words like “virgin” as an insult. First, it’s not really an insult. Second, it just sounds lame and pathetic. It’s like unironically calling someone a “nerd.” 🤦🏻‍♂️

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I just kinda laugh derisively at anyone who uses words like “virgin” as an insult. First, it’s not really an insult. Second, it just sounds lame and pathetic. It’s like unironically calling someone a “nerd.” 🤦🏻‍♂️

SAME! Someone was telling me to “be sexy” at work. I snapped and told them I’m not going to prostitute myself. {Yes, I was rude but I snapped, what can I say?}   My coworker was all “I’d rather be a prostitute than a virgin.” Really? You’d rather have a job that’s disgusting, illegal, immoral, AND will open you up to diseases? Ok, you do you. But to me it’s as stupid as it would be if someone insulted me for not eating broccoli. I hate broccoli, absolutely despise it. You can’t “rub it in,” that I don’t eat something I hate.

[Zebrafinch]

5 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

  I believe they are AMAB but I wouldn't doubt that they were assigned troll at birth. 😑

Good one. If I was at all that way inclined, I'd change my gender on here to that.

[Laplace]

2 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

SAME! Someone was telling me to “be sexy” at work. I snapped and told them I’m not going to prostitute myself. {Yes, I was rude but I snapped, what can I say?}   My coworker was all “I’d rather be a prostitute than a virgin.” Really? You’d rather have a job that’s disgusting, illegal, immoral, AND will open you up to diseases? Ok, you do you. But to me it’s as stupid as it would be if someone insulted me for not eating broccoli. I hate broccoli, absolutely despise it. You can’t “rub it in,” that I don’t eat something I hate.

Rather be a prostitute than be a virgin...? Okay then...wtf?

🤔🧐🤔🧐🤔🧐🤔🧐

:THINKING EMOJI INTENSIFIES:

.....It takes all kinds to make a world I guess...?

[Strifed]

On 4/17/2019 at 11:38 PM, WoodwindWhistler said:

The one I use is to keep a certain mentally challenged lady from blowing up my phone with voicemail, so it's strictly only for texting. The first number was free and the customer service is very friendly and responsive, but the interface itself is glitchy. So uh, I couldn't really recommend it because you probably want to be able to call, and it has other issues. There are other services that will do this, too, and after I go through the texts she's paid for me to send her, I might try a different one.  

oh ok gotcha. Hmm well I'll look for other ones that are out there!

[naakka]

13 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I recently had a similar experience with someone on AVEN a couple of days ago.  They made blatantly offensive statements, so I called them out on it.  This person then tried to blame me for their emotional crisis, which made them look stupid of course.  I replied again.  Then they went on another juvenile rant in which they said they were mocking me and I was the "enemy."  They made themselves look crazy with what they wrote, I certainly didn't have to.  On top of that they played the passive aggressive card, and edited their original comment with their snarky second reply instead of growing a spine and tagging me directly.  I didn't respond after that because I know they don't have it all upstairs.  Hope everyone reads the conversation on that thread so they can avoid this person.  I believe they are AMAB but I wouldn't doubt that they were assigned troll at birth. 😑

Well, you fought bravely 👍 indeed some people will do even unfair things when trying to beat you. For them the truth doesn't matter, but them being right. That's the reason why I reply by copy-paste citing the whole comment of the person (on the sites where there's not citing system like AVEN) if I'm suspicious.

[starweb]

For everyone's information, I was the one who brought up encountering the 'virgin' comment on another forum. Turns out I didn't have to say anything. Other people jumped on the poster and told him in so many words to quit using virgin as an insult.  Next time I won't be so hesitant.

[RebirthArt]

Search "Asexual -Plants" maybe this will solve

[General]

17 hours ago, naakka said:

Well, you fought bravely 👍 indeed some people will do even unfair things when trying to beat you. For them the truth doesn't matter, but them being right. That's the reason why I reply by copy-paste citing the whole comment of the person (on the sites where there's not citing system like AVEN) if I'm suspicious.

Thank you👍

And yes, I also copy paste cite when it comes to other platforms, because you never know.

[WoodwindWhistler]

On 4/19/2019 at 5:40 AM, Firefly8 said:

I absolutely can't stand it when people use virginity or being single as a tool of mockery, like it's a negative thing. I'm not a confrontational person, but I've gotten the nerve to bluntly correct people before because it's such an ugly, disparaging way for them to speak. I've had others thank me for speaking up. People say asexuals aren't frowned upon or mocked in society, but it's not true. It's frustrating enough that people don't even know the word asexual, but how we live is fodder to mock and belittle with astonishing frequency. I speak up when I can.

And it's doubly frustrating, because in other cultures and times, asexuality (and the likely resulting monkhood) would've been valued and respected. LGBT people in many cultures are also considered spiritually attuned and given special positions. 

But no, we had to get stuck in the biology-sex-secular flashy modern Western culture.