An excellent article for the touch-starved

[Notte stellata]

5 ways to get enough touch, without all the pressure

After reading this blog post, I thought I'd share it here, because I often see people on AVEN saying they're touch-starved or cuddle-starved. This article talks about how to get enough touch without having a steady partner from a solo polyamorist perspective, but I think the same applies to many asexuals and aromantics who want to have their affectionate desire met, but not necessarily through, or limited to, a standard romantic-sexual relationship.

I totally agree with the author on how the rigid social norms prevent many people from fulfilling their needs for touch without riding the relationship escalator. Here's an excerpt from the article:

The catch is, we live a generally sex-negative (and thus oversexualized, but not in a good way) society. And a highly couple-centric one at that. Consequently, almost any human interaction is subject to intense scrutiny and judgment according to its potential sexual overtones — and whether those overtones are deemed socially “normal” or “good,” or “wrong” or “dangerous.”

[...]

This can make it awkward simply to converse or spend time one-on-one with someone who could be even slightly construed as a potential sexual partner — let alone affectionately touch other people who aren’t already established as your lover or partner. Because in this society, unless you’re talking about hugging a close relative or a child in your care, or shaking the hand of someone you’ve just met, or helping someone who needs physical assistance, or paying for a clothed chair massage, all touch is considered potentially sexual and therefore risky because of what it might “mean” or “lead to.”

In other words, touch often gets framed in terms of roles and control rather than simple human connection. Most of us at some point try (usually subconsciously) to influence the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others by refraining from touch. It’s the ultimate in hands-off micromanagement. Yeah, I’ve done it too. I still do, sometimes. Welcome to life in the real world.

But, once we realize the society's rules on physical touch are arbitrary and harmful, we can say "screw the rules" and explore many more options to fulfill our need for physical affection. :)

[< retired >]

(1) I'm surprised that the author didn't mention affectionately touching a non-human animal, such as a cat or dog. This must be one of the most popular ways that touch-starved humans partially or completely satisfy their need for physical affection.

(2) I'm a cuddle-party skeptic, although I have to admit I've never attended one. I don't think that I could ever cuddle with a gorgeous woman without thinking about sex. This isn't something that I can control, and I don't consider this is a flaw in the design of my mind. This aspect of my nervous system was designed by my genes, and I think that it is foolish to try to pretend that it's not there. Maybe some of you are blessed with human mind version 2.0, and can pull this off - congratulations! :)

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I'm a cuddle-party skeptic, although I have to admit I've never attended one. I don't think that I could ever cuddle with a gorgeous woman without thinking about sex. This isn't something that I can control, and I don't consider this is a flaw in the design of my mind. This aspect of my nervous system was designed by my genes, and I think that it is foolish to try to pretend that it's not there.

I'm very much capable of seeing affectionate touch as a completely chaste thing, but I suppose I can appreciate that most people can't - so I guess I can actually kinda understand the logic behind some of these social rules of engagement - which are wary of it. I guess. As much as I dislike that situation personally.

I've never been to a cuddle party before either - but the reason I'm a bit of a skeptic is a bit different of course. It's more because even just for cuddles (let alone sex - I'm demi), I generally need it to be a personalised expression of affection. Some kind of emotional bond with the person. So I have a feeling that completely random cuddling like that might feel awkward. But really I don't know for sure. People say that a lot of people feel this way, but once you're actually in the environment with like-minded people, it's actually okay. Still, for now I'm sticking to the idea of looking for friends who would be willing to explore a personal cuddle buddy type relationship.

[MenthaPiperita]

I enjoyed this blog post. I too feel frustrated with the popular idea that cuddling is only appropriate between monogamous couples or parents and children. But I think I also need to have a previously established emotional bond with any potential cuddle partner. It would be nice to have some comfortable cuddle-friends.

[passionatefriend61]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

What's stopping you?

I've actually thought about doing that via craigslist. Mostly for the lolz really. :lol:

[byanyotherusername]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

You can in Japan: http://www.japantoday.com/category/lifestyle/view/japans-first-cuddle-cafe-lets-you-sleep-with-a-stranger-for-y6000-an-hour

Great blog post, thanks for the link! I have had "movie + cuddle" parties at my house with friends before, but cuddling was usually just a natural extension of the movie watching, rather than a stated goal for the gathering...Pretty much any party I go to/host includes a bunch of the guests getting together for a big cuddle puddle at some point. XD

I think the first two steps, while seemingly the most obvious, are the most important...Just communicating to anyone and everyone you know (in a social setting obviously, not in professional spaces) that platonic physical affection is important to you, and voicing any specific desire for touch you have towards them, be it for a hug, to play with their hair, etc., and always being sure you have enthusiastic consent, as apposed to mere passive acceptance.

[Guest]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

What's stopping you?

I've actually thought about doing that via craigslist. Mostly for the lolz really. :lol:

Yeah... do that here on craigslist and you're going to get 1) weirdos 2) criminals 3) cops looking to bust you for prostitution :P

If I were single and there were cuddle parties in my area, I might go to one. I can't while in a relationship, since my boyfriend would consider it cheating. And I might be one of the ones that doesn't actually cuddle at the cuddle party, at least not the first few times. But it's an intriguing idea.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

What's stopping you?

I've actually thought about doing that via craigslist. Mostly for the lolz really. :lol:

Yeah... do that here on craigslist and you're going to get 1) weirdos 2) criminals 3) cops looking to bust you for prostitution :P

Ahuh, that's mostly why I don't do it...

That said, prostitution is perfectly legal down here (under certain conditions - not randomly cash in hand like that though), so there's nothing to stop me going to a legal establishment and paying for cuddles. But that would be awkward on so many levels of course. :D

[Guest]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

What's stopping you?

I've actually thought about doing that via craigslist. Mostly for the lolz really. :lol:

Yeah... do that here on craigslist and you're going to get 1) weirdos 2) criminals 3) cops looking to bust you for prostitution :P

Ahuh, that's mostly why I don't do it...

That said, prostitution is perfectly legal down here (under certain conditions - not randomly cash in hand like that though), so there's nothing to stop me going to a legal establishment and paying for cuddles. But that would be awkward on so many levels of course. :D

If you have certain sex requests beyond the norm you pay extra. So, if you have a request of no sex, just cuddles, do you get a discount? :lol:

[Kitty Spoon Train]

If you have certain sex requests beyond the norm you pay extra. So, if you have a request of no sex, just cuddles, do you get a discount? :lol:

I've wondered about that...haha

The funny thing is, even before I knew anything about demi/asexuality, I sometimes had weird thought like that, when in cuddle-starved moods. eg. "Hooking up" with someone just for cuddles, or even paying for cuddles. Of course it makes perfect sense - since the thought of casual sex with a stranger (paid for or not) just doesn't occur to my brain. :lol:

[Notte stellata]

I'm surprised that the author didn't mention affectionately touching a non-human animal, such as a cat or dog. This must be one of the most popular ways that touch-starved humans partially or completely satisfy their need for physical affection.

I think the focus of the blog post is to challenge the assumption that affectionate touch must lead to sex and must be reserved to a serious romantic relationship, so the author only dealt with human physical contact. And after all, there's something special about human contact that animals can't provide.

If you have certain sex requests beyond the norm you pay extra. So, if you have a request of no sex, just cuddles, do you get a discount? :lol:

Haha I think there should be a discount, because no condom is needed and there's zero STD risk. :D

[Philiarocks]

I can just imagine going to a brothel for a hug. They'd probably stare incredulously and ask whether I also order salad when I go to McDonald's...

Which, come to think of it, I do.

[Emily Moore]

I normally really like reading the Solopoly blog and I think the author is switched-on about most things, but I just couldn't rate this article at all. It just spends way, way too long stating the obvious, in that if you want touch, you need friends, and hey - maybe you should try non-sexual touch with your friends, but be respectful if they say no. It could have been boiled down to just that one sentence, really! It's all pretty obvious and simple stuff, even to someone as socially awkward as me. It doesn't go into any meaningful depth as to what you should do in order to, for example, explain the concept of non-sexual touch to your friends. Or, if you're like me and you don't have friends who are open-minded enough to even think about it, how to find that kind of person in your community.

Massages are wonderful, I go every month to a lovely little place and get a massage. It's relaxing, and nourishing. But it's no real substitute for the touch of someone who truly loves you, as a friend. Cuddle parties are something I've heard of, and something I'd probably consider attending, but we don't have them even in my country, let alone my area. And I'm not 20 anymore, it would be really inappropriate of me to suggest a "movie and cuddles night" to my friends (who aren't really a circle, most of my friends don't know each other).

This article could have been so much more, but instead it was just a list of things that - if you've ever needed more touch in your life before - you've already considered and tried.

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

This is also something I've thought of, but I have ethical issues with the sex industry - brothels, lap dancing, stripping and so on. All of them are an exchange of some form of intimacy, whether it's touch, nudity or even dignity, for cash. I couldn't be intimately physical (as opposed to a massage, which is very professional) with someone who didn't want to cuddle and be close to me, just because I happened to have given them some money. I find the sex industry deeply sad.

[Arctangent]

I've never been to a cuddle party before either - but the reason I'm a bit of a skeptic is a bit different of course. It's more because even just for cuddles (let alone sex - I'm demi), I generally need it to be a personalised expression of affection. Some kind of emotional bond with the person. So I have a feeling that completely random cuddling like that might feel awkward. But really I don't know for sure.

Yeah, that's how I feel too - generally, I'd prefer to be friends with the person(s) first. In my case, much of the fulfillment I get from affectionate touch comes not from the act of touching itself, but from the headspace involved. Basically, when there's already an established mental/emotional connection, physical affection serves to express that connection, and the two basically feed into each other to create a wonderful affectionate headspace. So the idea of a friends-only cuddle party actually really appeals to me - then there could theoretically be lots of those connections at once, and possibly some compersion too.

That said, I have had those nights where I felt so touch-starved that I would have been willing to try a safe cuddle party with strangers, so I'm not completely ruling out that possibility yet. :lol:

It doesn't go into any meaningful depth as to what you should do in order to, for example, explain the concept of non-sexual touch to your friends. Or, if you're like me and you don't have friends who are open-minded enough to even think about it, how to find that kind of person in your community.

Actually, this is something I would have liked to see too. For most of my life, I've been touch-indifferent at best (and often touch-averse) so I really had no motivation to question or challenge the restriction of affectionate touch to romantic-sexual relationships, until one day my feelings about touch did a complete about-face. This put me in an awkward position of wanting touch in my life, but only knowing how to reject or passively accept it and not how to actively ask for it. I'm still getting things like "I know you're not a very huggy person" from people who knew me in my physically unaffectionate days.

Fortunately, I've figured out that casual hugs are a good way to show people that I am, in fact, someone who likes hugs. The main thing I'm still trying to work out is how to explain that I'd enjoy affectionate touch without making it sound like an expectation. I certainly don't feel entitled to physical touch from anyone, and I don't want it to come across that way, but I'd still like for my close friends to know that I'd be up for it if it's something they'd like too. If anyone has any advice about this, I'd be interested to hear it. :)

[byanyotherusername]

It doesn't go into any meaningful depth as to what you should do in order to, for example, explain the concept of non-sexual touch to your friends. Or, if you're like me and you don't have friends who are open-minded enough to even think about it, how to find that kind of person in your community.

Actually, this is something I would have liked to see too. For most of my life, I've been touch-indifferent at best (and often touch-averse) so I really had no motivation to question or challenge the restriction of affectionate touch to romantic-sexual relationships, until one day my feelings about touch did a complete about-face. This put me in an awkward position of wanting touch in my life, but only knowing how to reject or passively accept it and not how to actively ask for it. I'm still getting things like "I know you're not a very huggy person" from people who knew me in my physically unaffectionate days.

Fortunately, I've figured out that casual hugs are a good way to show people that I am, in fact, someone who likes hugs. The main thing I'm still trying to work out is how to explain that I'd enjoy affectionate touch without making it sound like an expectation. I certainly don't feel entitled to physical touch from anyone, and I don't want it to come across that way, but I'd still like for my close friends to know that I'd be up for it if it's something they'd like too. If anyone has any advice about this, I'd be interested to hear it. :)

I agree with these criticisms. I admittedly get excited by the mention of platonic touch being important from someone sexual writing to a sexual audience, but I have yet to find a satisfying article addressing any of these real issues.

I'm lucky enough that I have been able to find platonic touch pretty easily throughout my life. I'm young, attractive, female, live in a liberal area, and regularly come into contact with a lot of the social circles where cuddling is most common--college students, high school students, theater folk and touch-starved nerds. That being said, I wouldn't say it's been easy. I had to learn about how to have healthy boundaries, when to recognize when my boundaries weren't being respected (which sounds easy, but isn't always in a culture where people think that a lack of no is the same thing as consent, and that even "no" might be just an attempt to appear coy while actually meaning "yes"), people becoming confused no matter how explicit I was about the affection being platonic, and cuddle buddies dropping me--either as a cuddling partner or as a friend period because it's "too confusing"--often when the get a new SO, but other times with no apparent impetus. Most of all, I had to learn how to be confident enough to actually speak up about my desire for touch, while also avoiding putting pressure on others. When it comes down to it, I don't think there is an exact formula for how to do this, because every situation, person, and relationship is different. Most of my cuddle buddy relationships start one of three of ways:

1) with a hypothetical conversation about platonic physical contact, why sexual attraction isn't the only reason people touch each other (if this were so, no one would ever kiss their mother), how sad and potentially unhealthy it is when single people have no outlet for touch, the physiological health benefits that the blog post mentions, and finally I usually throw in that I personally have a high "cuddle drive" and it has nothing to do with sex or romance, talk about boundaries and the meaning of consent, etc. This often leads to...

2) expressing a desire I feel to touch someone in a casual way, trying to emphasize that I am only interested in touch if it is something they desire as well ("I love curly hair. Do you like it when people play with your hair?") If it isn't a result of #1, it leads to #1, or at the very least the 'I personally have a high "cuddle drive" and it has nothing to do with sex or romance, talk about boundaries and the meaning of consent, etc.' part. Usually it leads to a more in-depth conversation about all of it, though, because even in the most liberal, cuddly groups everyone is aware of how such relationships defy cultural norms and often need to talk about and analyze it.

The third way I end up in cuddleships is that person A sees me cuddling with person B, and asks if we are in a romantic relationship. We say we are not, leading to a #1 conversation, and things go on from there. I am big on platonic PDA's, and often signal my availability to cuddlers-in-the-closet this way that I never would have connected with physically otherwise. Also, even if a person doesn't directly see you cuddling with another, it can often make people feel less like you're "coming onto them" when you bring up the possibility of physical contact, if you talk about the ways you are affectionate with others, especially if it's a mutual friend. I was once in a situation where I was cuddling for the first time with a good friend. I don't remember how we wound up cuddling but at some point he had gone from seeming relaxed to uncomfortable, but insisted he was fine when I asked. So, instead of putting him on the spot, I started telling him "awkward cuddling stories"--just talking about embarrassing/uncomfortable moments I had cuddling with friends, starting with a story about a mutual friend of ours, and soon we were both laughing and the awkwardness passed. I find talking about the cuddly relationships really helps to make the idea seem "normal" and nonthreatening.

Really, talking about it is the most important thing. And, I don't know, I personally find it hard not to talk about--I talk about relationships, romance, sex, gender roles, cultural assumptions and expectations, etc., all the time, and it's a natural extension of all of that. I think that the science-y stuff is often the least controversial lead in, because, you know, it's "science" and "objective", instead of you immediately putting yourself out there as some creep who goes around touching people non-sexually! :o If the person doesn't seem receptive, no need to continue the conversation.

[Jubbles]

I thought I have said already how much I loved this article! But I guess I didn't, so, I have to thabk you, OP, for bringing this to AVEN. It's an amazing article, clever tips and discuss society's ideals in a clear way.

Thanks!

[Notte stellata]

I thought I have said already how much I loved this article! But I guess I didn't, so, I have to thabk you, OP, for bringing this to AVEN. It's an amazing article, clever tips and discuss society's ideals in a clear way.

Thanks!

I'm glad that you (and some others) like it! It's nice to come across an article written by a sexual but fitting asexuals' needs and experiences pretty well. Actually I left a comment on the blog post saying I was going to share it on AVEN, and the author was happy to hear that. She's pretty open to hearing asexuals and aromantics' perspectives in general. :)

I normally really like reading the Solopoly blog and I think the author is switched-on about most things, but I just couldn't rate this article at all. It just spends way, way too long stating the obvious, in that if you want touch, you need friends, and hey - maybe you should try non-sexual touch with your friends, but be respectful if they say no. It could have been boiled down to just that one sentence, really! It's all pretty obvious and simple stuff, even to someone as socially awkward as me. It doesn't go into any meaningful depth as to what you should do in order to, for example, explain the concept of non-sexual touch to your friends. Or, if you're like me and you don't have friends who are open-minded enough to even think about it, how to find that kind of person in your community.

[...]

This article could have been so much more, but instead it was just a list of things that - if you've ever needed more touch in your life before - you've already considered and tried.

Yeah, it seems that the author has a lot of open-minded friends (which isn't surprising since she's active in the poly community), so it's probably easy for her to find people who are up to non-sexual touch (and as she mentioned briefly, they occasionally get sexual as well). But it probably takes more effort to find "touch partners" if you're not in a progressive circle and you want strictly non-sexual touch.

I'm not sure if people who need touch have all considered and tried sharing touch with friends though. After all, the idea that intimate touch is reserved to romantic-sexual relationships is deeply ingrained in our culture (which is demonstrated by the fact that most monogamists consider cuddling with others as cheating). When I was single and touch-starved, it didn't really occur to me that I could touch my friends. I might have had some vague thoughts about it, but more like "I could enter a relationship with this friend just for the sake of cuddling." :P

[< retired >]

... people becoming confused no matter how explicit I was about the affection being platonic ...

When I visited a cuddle-party website a few years ago, it said (1) all activities must be platonic, and (2) attendees are encouraged to wear pajamas. Uh, hello? In what way would nubile young women bouncing around in their nighties not be sexually charged (at least for me)? Put me in the 'confused' category ... :)

[byanyotherusername]

... people becoming confused no matter how explicit I was about the affection being platonic ...

When I visited a cuddle-party website a few years ago, it said (1) all activities must be platonic, and (2) attendees are encouraged to wear pajamas. Uh, hello? In what way would nubile young women bouncing around in their nighties not be sexually charged (at least for me)? Put me in the 'confused' category ... :)

I've never been to an "official" cuddle party hosted by an organization--only to parties with friends that often included cuddling--and I certainly don't go "bouncing around" in my "nighties" in public. Despite the fact that my pajamas are probably the least flattering clothing I own, I'm aware that the mere suggestion of nightwear--no matter how unsexy the actual nightwear in question is--calls to mind beds and sex for most people. People can project the idea of sex onto what I'm wearing no matter how modestly I dress (that's what I get for going out in public while female...), but even if I go parading around in dental floss, no one has permission to touch me sexually (or nonsexually) without my consent. If I am engaged with in some form of consensual physical contact with a person and they find themselves turned on/wanting more, it is their responsibility to take care of that--either by discontinuing the contact, deciding to continue without acting on their feelings, or discussing it with me and potentially finding a way to act on their feelings without crossing my boundaries.

I am very explicit about my intentions, and very careful about where, when and with whom I become physical. The fact that I am a "nubile young woman" is not grounds alone to be "confused" by what is and isn't appropriate behavior around me.

Oh, and the cuddle party organizations' stance, if you're curious:

And what if I get turned on?

It happens sometimes. It’s perfectly normal when we are close to people, especially if we don’t have much chance to enjoy touch that is not about sex.

Our agreement is to not act on it. It goes away, really it does.

[daydream]

I might have had some vague thoughts about it, but more like "I could enter a relationship with this friend just for the sake of cuddling." :P

I've definitely had that sentiment before!

Cuddling is awesome, unfortunately I can count on one hand the number of people in my life I'd be comfortable with that.

I think for me at least, I'm uncomfortable being touched cause I'm afraid it will lead to sex, and I'm too shy to have the 'platonic cuddling yay!' talk. Also, strangers are scary :).

I guess I liked about this article the idea that a sexual person could want touch and not have to want it to lead to sex, and that they are successful in this endeavor.

[honor is all]

And now for an amateur anthropologist's own special edition of 5 ways to get touch without the pressure:

1) Move to southern Europe/South America or the Middle East for a few months. I promise you that your touch starved self will become sooo touch saturated that you will not even think of getting a pat on the back by the time you come back to Anglosphere (I just made a word up) LOL.

Warning: You'll get all the non-sexual touch you want and don't want :lol: but in case you need some privacy, alone time or breathing space don't expect to get it. Also, if travelling to those places in the summer be ready for some compulsory sweaty hugs and wet kisses on the cheek due to the heat. Don't you even assume the heat stops those regions of hugging the life out of everyone around them.

2) I you don't have the means or the opportunity to move there for a few months but are lucky enough to live in a large city with substantial number of people from the communities mentioned GET INVOLVED with them. Learn Italian, go to the Colombian cooking workshops, gladly take the invitation to your Syrian neighbour's baby shower. All these things are a great way to make close firends from the community as well as learn and immerse yourself in a new and often misunderstood culture. If you already speak a foreign language or have ties to the culture make the most of it. Become a cultural mediator/community outreach officer. You may even start to get Anglos thinking on their attitudes to touch through cultural talks and explanations.

3) If both of the options above are out of your reach and you totally want touch join a ballroom/Latin dance class, a martial art or any other kind of hobby/activity where touch is required. Doing Argentine tango twice a week and judo the other three will probably leave you feeling shattered but there's no denial you'll get touched often. Also people who are into those kinds of hobbies tend to be touchier off the mat/dance floor than the general population.

4) It's a brave thing to do but propose "cuddle buddy" sessions to your close single/singlish friends. At least one of them is bound to say yes.

5) Join the poly community in any way you can.

The best of luck! :D

[Xavy]

I prefer NOT to be touched, and if I absolutely must be touched, I can tolerate a little if it is on my terms only. I am having lunch with people today whom I haven't seen for a long time, and I am dreading the greeting hug and obligatory kiss on both cheeks thing for the women who are all British.

[Jubbles]

And now for an amateur anthropologist's own special edition of 5 ways to get touch without the pressure:

1) Move to southern Europe/South America or the Middle East for a few months. I promise you that your touch starved self will become sooo touch saturated that you will not even think of getting a pat on the back by the time you come back to Anglosphere (I just made a word up) LOL.

Warning: You'll get all the non-sexual touch you want and don't want :lol: but in case you need some privacy, alone time or breathing space don't expect to get it. Also, if travelling to those places in the summer be ready for some compulsory sweaty hugs and wet kisses on the cheek due to the heat. Don't you even assume the heat stops those regions of hugging the life out of everyone around them.

[...]

The best of luck! :D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you can NEVER run from it! An old lady yesterday actually grabbed my hair to compliment it :P But it's with a good intention on mind!

[superteeth]

i'm late to the party but i'd like to give a big thank you to the person who posted this article. as a dominantly aroace person who doesnt date, i've been very confused about my wishes to cuddle with others im close to! due to the fact that touching is almost ALWAYS sexualized, i have been having a bit of a crisis in regards to my orientation ):

but this article helped me understand that my urges to touch others non-sexually are perfectly normal within the context of my identity. so thank you :)

[alwaysteatime]

I can just imagine going to a brothel for a hug. They'd probably stare incredulously and ask whether I also order salad when I go to McDonald's...

Which, come to think of it, I do.

New item on my bucket list: Go to brothel, ask how much for a hug. Ask if they have personal objections to multiple partners in this activity (group hug).

[Batman's Ace]

I can just imagine going to a brothel for a hug. They'd probably stare incredulously and ask whether I also order salad when I go to McDonald's...

Which, come to think of it, I do.

New item on my bucket list: Go to brothel, ask how much for a hug. Ask if they have personal objections to multiple partners in this activity (group hug).

I've been wondering for ages what the reaction would be if I offered to pay to take a hooker for dinner and a movie, or maybe bowling.

[Philiarocks]

I can just imagine going to a brothel for a hug. They'd probably stare incredulously and ask whether I also order salad when I go to McDonald's...

Which, come to think of it, I do.

New item on my bucket list: Go to brothel, ask how much for a hug. Ask if they have personal objections to multiple partners in this activity (group hug).

I've been wondering for ages what the reaction would be if I offered to pay to take a hooker for dinner and a movie, or maybe bowling.

'It's your money!'

[Fantel]

One part of the article I found particularly related to me. I've been in an relationship with a romantic sexual for a while, and am willing to do things that make me uncomfortable just so this person will stay the night. Need to work on that...

[JackSlashJill]

I wish you could pay for nonsexual physical affection the way you can pay for sex. I totally would.

I may be a little late on the draw for this, but there is a service, in Rochester, NY at least, that you can pay to cuddle with someone. The woman has made a very lucerative business for herself.

They do require a little pre-cuddle process, mainly talking about what can and cannot happen.