For asexuals that are not virgin, Is sex better than masturbation?

[Wisdom]

Everyone prefers masturbation

If I don't like sex neither, I promise I will also stop masturbation, and asume my fully asexual identity.

I don't think masturbation disqualify you as an asexual just as sex doesn't. You can like the act even if you aren't attracted to your partner.

Yes, but I don't like it, so why keep doing, I will just pass and become a Sheldon Cooper. :(

[bxx]

Your hand cannot get pregnant. Your hand cannot give you an STD. You do not have to scrub the rest of your body for hours on end to get rid of the smell of your hand, because your hand is you. Your hand doesn't start demanding sex when you don't want it, and then insult you for not being good enough.

And if your hand cheats on you, you'll know it immediately.

[Bren]

For my body masturbation is more productive than sex with another person. Sex with others does not (generally) bring me to orgasm so I think of sex as pointless, boring and repulsive (swapping bodily fluids= gross). With the exception of 2 partners in almost 12 years none of my past partners brought me to orgasm. Faking orgasms is pointless and after a while I stopped having sex because I thought there was something wrong with me. I only recently discovered the term "asexual" and it has helped me realize that there isn't anything wrong with me. I still masturbate on random occasions but not because of a sexual desire, I masturbate for the health benefits. I find that I have better concentration, improved complexion and it wakes me up without adding extra stimulants to my system when I masturbate. I try to remind myself to do what I call "helping myself" 2 to 3 times per month, sometimes I forget for a few months and sometimes I feel sluggish and want the chemical release. It all depends on what is going on. From everything I've looked at orgasms have decent health benefits, but you don't need to have sex to get these benefits.

[Silverlight]

Definitely not. It's too complicated, at least in my opinion. If I was to sleep with my partner (purely for their sake), it would have to be under very strict rules (eg lighting, position, time of day) and it just makes me not want to bother, whereas the latter is controlled only by myself and I have nobody else to think about. I guess it is quite selfish.

[afrozenwhore]

I guess I'm one of the odd ones out. I never masturbate, I don't feel the need and the one or two times I've tried I got bored and stopped. But I like having sex with my boyfriend. It's intimate and fun even if I'm not 'satisfied' (I rarely am). However, sex is only enjoyable with my boyfriend. I've had a one night stand before (before the boyfriend) and it was horrible and something I regret.

I seem to be in the minority, however.

:)

[Someone Else]

I'm like that too. I don't feel a need to seek out sex, but masturbation is still far less interesting... I don't feel any romance, intimacy, or anything from it that at least theoretically I might feel from another person. I'm not attracted to my hand, physically or romantically. ;)

[Jarle]

Let's put it this way. Your hand won't get offended if, halfway through things, you decide you'd really rather just roll over and go to sleep. :P Come to think of it, your hand won't mind you watching the news in the background, either. It doesn't mind most things. Is a chill lil dude.

Or if you decide to play video games instead!

[James-eu]

I'm not particularly thrilled with orgasms at all, speaking generally, but of the good ones that I've had, they have only come from masturbation. Because I have both personal and moral problems with sexual intercourse, when in the pas I did do it I always found that they got in the way of any potential pleasure from it. That and, quite honestly, I found that the women I tried it with we're only really interested in their own pleasure and not mine anyway.

I have the additional problem that an orgasm will often make me feel so shitty afterwards that it's not really worth it for a few seconds of what is usually something rather mediocre. Often I will find that I get a headache, or it makes my vertigo play up, or I generally feel drained and crap, or a combination of all three.

When I'm in the mood, I do like the sensation of 'edging', but quite often I don't bother following through to orgasm for the reasons above.

[azuresky]

I'd much rather masturbate. I consider sex an unfulfilling waste of time. I also find it repulsive.

[songchick]

HELL NO. Masturbation is on my time, lasts as long as I want, etc. Sex, however, is usually drawn out, and a big game of pretend.

[Méshie Péshie]

Thanks for all that replies.

Well, then, if masturbation is not complicated, should I asume that it will never be better of what it is? I will again ask the doctor is there is some problem with it. If not, I think I just don't like sex.

Maybe after all I'm asexual. Incredible but true.

Sex and love are definitely two things far away.

You still have a promising modeling career ahead of you, Andro.

And you need to get busy with the string theory. You're slippin'.

Things changed joe!

I definitely drop Physics. Since I'm 13 years old and I finished my first novel, I have wanted to be a writer. Studying Physics was an error. I like Physics and thinking about the Universe, but I'm a phylosophical way. I like to know all about strings theory because it will be a major change of our Universe vision, and have a great History importance, but I don't see myself doing that. I will now just follow the discovers. What I only enjoy doing is writing. Write, write and write till the last day of my life.

About modeling, in fact it seems I have what's needed. Height, and a wonderful genetics for having a perfect body. My face is not as ugly as I see, fixing some imperfections with taking care of it, I'm even pretty. But I'm also dropping that idea. Night world, conventions, parties... are things I just don't like. What's better that just stay at home? I will try, because as a writer I like discovering new experiences, but I think that at the moment I see it's a real possibility, I will just drop, being happy that I proposed myself one thing and I did it, and why not saying, that I'm afterall beautiful.

But the only thing I really wanna be is a writer, I don't know where will I get the money from, but a quote said, that "you will be what you have to be, or you will be nothing". I can just be a writer.

And relating to that, finding the truth about my sexuality is indeed a very important thing. Understanding it will give me a new insights into my novels, and I will have to do a lot of work for characterizing sexual people, or hell, why not, maybe just being the greatest asexual writers of all the times... :blush: [Delusions of Grandeur mode off...] Now English seems to me again a very important thing, I have to go to classes, find money to go to the States in summer, etc. I will be studying History, and I hope it will go well enough to give me time to the English. If I had to write in English for my books to be read, well, it's hard to accept, but I will... This seems a real challenge, being a model is pretty easy. ^_^

I suggest you continue both the writing and the modeling so that the modeling gives you the money you need. I am doing that (secretly) now for my future in dog rescue. I am taking acting classes,I got signed with a signing company, and am about to go to LA in Nov to a showcase to hopefully get an agent. Good luck either way though :P

[PalmLion]

(For the record- I don't like the term virgin and don't think of myself and others using it, but I have had sex.)
I guess I'll break up the mould and admit I like sex more than masturbation XD
I've never masturbated, don't feel the need to, and probably never will. I've touched myself before, but it was for my boyfriend's sake, not my own.
Sex, on the other hand, is much more of a sensual thing for me. I love making my boyfriend feel good, and I can even enjoy it myself if I'm in the right mood.

[It's Michaela Again.]

I've tried masturbation twice, and I couldn't, uh...finish (orgasm?) either time because it felt good for a minute and then it suddenly didn't and I was repulsed by what I was doing. Maybe sex will feel better--I don't want to have sex, but I will probably have to for the sake of my companion in the future. Not looking forward to that at all. :/

[Skyryu]

It took have sex to realize It wasn't for me. At first I felt bad that I could not enjoy sex but now I find it liberating! For me neither sex nor masturbation feel good. Although I still have a libido it's a rather small one it doesn't get in the way of daily activities and wanes quickly.I guess if I was to pick one it would be masturbation, at least it can be done alone and has no risk or adverse side effects, you can just pretend it never happened unlike sex.

[Lia]

Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions

Lia
Asexual Q&A Mod

[El Señor Patata]

Sex for me was like, meeh. I wasn't like I didn't like it, or it was terrible. Contrary it was not good either :P Masturbation is better, but I've heard many (or seen on forums) that masturbation is better, but that sex is more exciting.. But nay, sex was not my thing :P And before I found this site I said to myself "Cake is better than sex" I promise! <.<

Hi ThaHoward (and the others)!

I'm 22 and I didn't have my first sexual experience until 21, and it was horrible. I kissed a girl for the first time at 20, and I didn't feel anything. During all my teenage years up until recently I was heavily frustrated because everyone was getting sex, girlfriends and one-night stands and I wasn't getting any of that. People often made fun of me, and society puts a lot of pressure on people to have sex, and really insisting that it's extremely pleasurable. I didn't understand anything, and I didn't get any girls (I'm a demisexual/heterosexual male), so during a time I even felt infra-human.

Now I have a girlfriend that I love. I love cuddles and kissing, but sex isn't better than masturbation. I really like giving her orgasms though, it makes me feel useful and manly (sort of) lol. Besides, I take Venlafaxine (SNRI) and Escitalopram (SSRI) and because of that I have real trouble feeling something down there. My girlfriend is very happy with that, but as you can imagine I felt severely frustrated every time...

Sometimes I look at other girls and find them very attractive, but somehow I don't want sex with them. Very rarely, forming a friendly relationship with a girl I wasn't attracted to at the beginning makes me want to form a romantic relationship with her, simply because it's her. Alas, I always seem not being interested and being friendly, that's why I'm undesired (I've been told that I'm a cutie many times). Now that I'm discovering myself, I know that to me sex is a tool for reaching love, and not an objective, and I can only do it if I want to reach love with that person. Many people find it endearing when I tell this, and now I feel less excluded.

I quoted ThaHoward because me, too, I find many things more pleasurable than sex. Like, MANY! ^^

[KerrAvonsen]

One thing this thread shows is that people vary a lot!

I think there are a few reasons why an asexual might find sex better than masturbation:

• If they're romantic, then giving their partner pleasure is emotionally satisfying.
• The tickling analogy that's already been brought up.
• The very unpredictability of their partner can be a pleasant surprise rather than an unpleasant surprise. The fact that you know exactly what your hand is about to do could become boring rather than comfortable.

[Charlotte_uk]

Only my two cents, but I find sex more difficult as you are 'performing' for another person and trying to please them. I get a psychological kick out of making them happy, but in all honesty I'd rather be doing something else. Masturbation you can just stop if you're not getting anywhere.With sex you have to keep going if you change your mind half way through. Otherwise you're letting your partner down.

[parchita]

To chip in myself, as a total n00b...

I've never found sex to be better than masturbation. I think I really like the *idea* of sex because, in my head, it's connected with this level of vulnerability and intimacy and all that jazz which movies teach us. In reality though, even when I *really really like* the guy... it just feels like a chore.

Hell, masturbation usually feels like a chore too. Don't get me wrong, I go through spurts (no pun intended) of masturbation where I'll do it every day for like a week. (I know, so crazy, right?) But most of the time, I'll do it once a week or so because I usually start to get blue balls (or something like it) because of the backup in the system. And even when I'm masturbating... I'm usually not thinking about sex. Maybe I'll watch porn and disconnect or maybe I'll be solving math problems in my head... I dunno.

Maybe this wasn't a real answer. Hell, I'm still confused. But no, I've never found sex to feel better than masturbation. In my fair amount of experience, I've enjoyed masturbating either the same or probably even a little more than actual stimulation with one (or more) other people.

[Guest]

I'd much rather masturbate. I consider sex an unfulfilling waste of time. I also find it repulsive.

This minus the respulsion. For me, it's too disconnected to be pleasurable. My experiences have always left me feeling so.. blank.

[KJ!]

It may be because I'm so clueless and inexperienced about these subjects, but sometimes I wonder why sexual activities with a partner are never, ever (as far as I know) looked at as "assisted masturbation." If an asexual masturbates, are they still opposed to "assisted masturbation?"

actually, it's called "mutual masturbation." It's really only discussed in same-sex sex-ed type places bc for straight people apparently only P in V is "real" sex, but since that isn't a thing for us gays (and bis, pans, blah blah blah), we define our sex based on the activity. so hand stuff only is still considered sex. and clinically called "mutual masturbation." Sorry for the TMI. I'm not sex-repulsed and find the whole thing very interesting (even if I don't partake myself)

As for not enjoying masturbation... how many ways are there of guys doing it, anyway? Maybe a different way would be less unpleasant? (tho if you don't enjoy orgasming I don't think you're ever going to magically start enjoying it...)

[Guest]

actually, it's called "mutual masturbation." It's really only discussed in same-sex sex-ed type places bc for straight people apparently only P in V is "real" sex, but since that isn't a thing for us gays (and bis, pans, blah blah blah), we define our sex based on the activity. so hand stuff only is still considered sex. and clinically called "mutual masturbation." Sorry for the TMI. I'm not sex-repulsed and find the whole thing very interesting (even if I don't partake myself)

The problem with calling it "mutual" is that some folks are only okay with one-sided stuff - only giving, or only receiving (I'm on the "only as giver, never as recipient" side myself). "Assisted" is a much better word in that case, because "mutual" would be factually wrong.

[Malony]

Sex just seems like so much work. Takes ages, time I could spend doing so many better things like watching tv, or sleeping, is a bit yuck, boring, uncomfortable to painful and does not feel natural at all. I always wonder what I am supposed to do and what I should do next...

I've masturbated since I was 20 or so, so over 10 years now. It's totally different than sex with a partner. You don't have to engage with another person, there is no pressure, you know what you're doing and what you like. It does not take long, and it is totally, at least for me, a body reaction to a stimulus. I don't need it, but it is a fun thing to do. I used to do it everyday when I was younger, but now I think every two weeks or so, oh today I could have a bit 'sex with myself'. It's more like, oh today I read a bit before I go to bed. So yes, for me it is a lot better than sex with another person.

[forapenny]

I've never found masturbation exciting or the need for it at all really. I lost my virginity to a guy because I was curious and thought maybe that if I actually had sex I would have more sexual desires (that didn't happen). I'm in sort of a sexual relationship with the same guy, but I don't enjoy sex at all and have no desire for it. I think it is boring and a lot of effort for nothing so the only reason I do it is that it seems to make him happy (I'm a people pleaser).

If I had to choose I'd say masturbation is better... at least it doesn't take that long.