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Part of my questioning...


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Jaded_Angel

As I mentioned in the welcome area, I found this website from an article in the local magazine. I identified with a lot of the statements that were made and that’s why I came to check the site out. I read about asexuality for the first time about 2 weeks ago, so this is all new to me, so please don’t think my questions are stupid or silly they just things I am wanting to know.

1. Can you be asexual and still long for a relationship? Basically I get turned off by the thought of sex, but I miss everything else in a relationship – including the kissing and hugs, it’s just the get down and dirty that I don’t like!!!

2. And can you “suddenly” become asexual? I mean I have had intimate relationships in the past but at this point in my life that doesn’t interest me at all. Nothing BAD has happened to change my mind, I just don’t want intimacy in a relationship

Please help me out here. This is all still confusing for me, not the whole no sex thing just the whole situation that there are tons of people out there like me and that there is a word for it. :?

~*~Jaded_Angel~*~

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1. Can you be asexual and still long for a relationship?

Yes you can! :)

2. And can you “suddenly” become asexual?

That's a point of differing opinions, really. Some people think you have to be 'born' asexual, whilst others don't really care. I too have had sexual relationships in the past but then came to realise that it wasn't really what I wanted over time. I guess I just thought it was something you 'had' to do, not knowing that it was possible/acceptable to NOT be interested.

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For wuestiion 1) the answer is yes.

For question 2 I second liver. Personally i think both can happen.

But however you feel AVEN is here nad friendly.

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Jaded_Angel, as far as your second question is concerned, it depends on how one defines asexual. If one believes that asexuality is something that innate and stagnant, then no, you would not be considered asexual. However, if one believes that sexuality is fluid, then yes, you are asexual.

I had the same experience as far as my sexuality is concerned. At one point, I was interested in dating, I had sexual attraction, and I had a sex drive. Then, it changed when I was about 18. Like you, it was at a good point life; there was nothing traumatic happening.

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1. Can you be asexual and still long for a relationship? Basically I get turned off by the thought of sex, but I miss everything else in a relationship – including the kissing and hugs, it’s just the get down and dirty that I don’t like!!!

Yes!! Why can't you have *everything*, minus the the thing you don't want?! To us, here, it means you are an "asexual romantic". You don't have/want those sexual feelings, but you DO want the love and closeness that comes with/from a special relationship.

2. And can you “suddenly” become asexual? I mean I have had intimate relationships in the past but at this point in my life that doesn’t interest me at all. Nothing BAD has happened to change my mind, I just don’t want intimacy in a relationship.

Yup! I went through years of sexual relationships - my pattern was that I'd have lots of sexual drive early on and then it would ebb away. I don't have an explanation for this - but I don't have to (nor do you!). It could mean, for me, that I was once sexual and then became asexual (maybe due to hormones - though I've had them checked and I'm "normal" - or I could try to blame it on psychological problems, but I'm in pretty good shape there too). Or it could mean that I've always been asexual but, due to the fact that I've always bought what society "fed" me, I thought I was supposed to want a sexual, long term relationship, and I shot for that.

I think that *many* people are unconsciously adopting what the mass media shows us to be "normal" or expected these days. It's messing SO many of us up. And, for that reason, I'm proud and supportive of anyone who has the need or desire to step outside of the norm (and sometimes it's a *pull* or a smash on the head!).

I think you're in the right place, sweetie. Hang around awhile, ok?

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1. Can you be asexual and still long for a relationship? Basically I get turned off by the thought of sex, but I miss everything else in a relationship – including the kissing and hugs, it’s just the get down and dirty that I don’t like!!!

~*~Jaded_Angel~*~

thats I feel too, and when I think about it, I could do that with a guy or a girl, I do not mind getting close to someone, just the whole bumping uglys things that has never realy interested me

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