Angi Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2 years. At the beginning of our relationship, he was extremely sexual and wanted to do sexual things all the time. I didn't want to as much so I told him that I didn't want to do it as often. Eventually, I wanted to do it more and more and he wanted to do it less and less. Around a year and a half into our relationship, he told me that he didn't want to do things much anymore at all. He said he "wasn't ever in the mood" and that he doesn't really enjoy sexual activities with me. I asked him if he was sexually attracted to me and he said yes, but he just has no interest in that kind of stuff. He also says that he feels bad when I do sexual things to him but he doesn't feel as bad when he does sexual things to me(but still feels bad). He still masturbates around 1-3 times a week and porn arouses him. I asked him why he didn't feel bad about masturbating and he said that it is innocent. I asked him why he masturbates and he said that sometimes he just "gets in the mood". How can he get in the mood to masturbate but not in the mood to do sexual things with me? I asked him if he were to go out with a person that he likes in porn if he would like sexual activities and he said that he honestly would at first(like he did with me, because it was new) but he would not want to do things after awhile. Also, we are both virgins. I have wanted to have sex for awhile but he refuses to. He says that he is scared that it will ruin our relationship, scared of pregnancy and that he just doesn't want to. Why is he interested in masturbating but not interested in doing anything sexual with me? Why does he feel bad about doing things with me but not masturbating? It makes me feel like it is just me, like he isn't attracted to me and he would do things with more attractive people. But he insists that this isn't the case. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Well, asexuals don't experience sexual attraction, so if he says he's still sexually attracted to you then by the definition on our front page, he's not asexual. But I know there are plenty of people who masturbate over porn but don't want to engage with anyone. Just remember, it has nothing to do with his love of you. Sex and love aren't necessarily connected. Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 *seconds cijay* He sems to still love you. All you can hope is that your relationship manages to maintian itslef. There are toher htings you can do together i'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
McBuh Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 It makes me feel like it is just me, like he isn't attracted to me and he would do things with more attractive people. But he insists that this isn't the case. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Being familiar with my own lack of desire for sexual activities, I would believe that it is not about you. If it were, he would probably be sexual with someone else. He mentioned innocence. I can agree that there is an enjoyable innocence in relationships without sex. Innocence to me doesn't necessarily mean sexually pure, but can also mean carefree. He might just want a relationship without sex or separate from sex. But please don't let me represent him. Link to post Share on other sites
zyralm Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Well, asexuals don't experience sexual attraction, so if he says he's still sexually attracted to you then by the definition on our front page, he's not asexual. But I know there are plenty of people who masturbate over porn but don't want to engage with anyone. Just remember, it has nothing to do with his love of you. Sex and love aren't necessarily connected. That is, of course, assuming he's defining "sexual attraction" in the same way we do and that Angi isn't paraphrasing. I have nothing else to contribute but I just wanted to clarify that. :) Link to post Share on other sites
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