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Semi-Aromanticism


Adrian

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Generally one groups themself as asexual-romantic or asexual-a-romantic. But what about the asexual semi romantics?

I ask because I am in such a situation. I was wondering how many others wondered about the same things. You see, I enjoy the idea of romance, but every time I am offered a chance at it, even a non-sexual relationship, I find myself to not only be uninterested, but at times I actually shun it. Are my actions "aromantic" or could they be a demonstration of a latent fear of commitment?

Could it be possible for one to foster romantic thoughts without truly liking romance, or is it just another form of fearing commitment?

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Romance is a confusing topic. Well, for me at least. I don't think being aromantic means you fear commitment, necessarily. And, romantic activity is defined differently by different people. You might find cuddling romantic, but not everyone would.

And then there's those who don't really understand what romance is... (me) :roll:

I think I'm getting a bit off topic here.

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Romance is a confusing topic. Well, for me at least. I don't think being aromantic means you fear commitment, necessarily.

I think they are different things, I'm sorry if that came off a little confusing.

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I think I understand what you are saying. In your mind, you like the idea of romance, but when given the opportunity, it seems uninteresting. I find I sometimes do the same, though leaning much more toward aromantic. Sometimes I play with the idea in my head, but when it comes down to it, I could really care less. I don't know what I can give in terms of advice, other than to say I think I share the same feelings to an extent.

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Hehe.. when it comes to me, I am semi-sexual semi-romantic, or perhaps semi-asexual semi-aromantic.. I dont seek romantic relationships actively, but I am pro-them in my mind, so, guys, I can definitely relate to what was said..

Just trust your feelings about what is better in the moment would be my advice.. if you dont feel good with some activity or some relationship, just dont do it. Sometimes it is hard to let ownself being led by gut feeling, mostly when you come into situation that you dont know what to feel about, but it really works..

I feel sympathethic to you. Same boat passager here.

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I'm sort of the same.

Actually I'm that way with sex itself. I can get turned on by naked women etc etc, but if ever given the opportunity I'm completely uninterested.

As for romance it's kind of the same. I get crushes and what-not, but if I ever think of actually being with the person I couldn't care less.

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Generally one groups themself as asexual-romantic or asexual-a-romantic. But what about the asexual semi romantics?

I ask because I am in such a situation. I was wondering how many others wondered about the same things. You see, I enjoy the idea of romance, but every time I am offered a chance at it, even a non-sexual relationship, I find myself to not only be uninterested, but at times I actually shun it. Are my actions "aromantic" or could they be a demonstration of a latent fear of commitment?

Could it be possible for one to foster romantic thoughts without truly liking romance, or is it just another form of fearing commitment?

I personally wouldn't consider that semi romantic. I like the idea of romantic relationships as well, but when the opportunity would arrive, I wasn't interested. But it wasn't the relationship part, I just wasn't interested in the individual that way, there was no romantic emotion for them. Even sexuals get the opportunity to be in a relationship all the time, but that doesn't mean they are interested each time. It depends on the person and your feelings for them. I don't go looking for relationships. The very idea seems pointless to me. But I ended up finding someone I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with later on. Why? Because those feelings were there. I consider myself to have a low romantic drive, because even crushes or anything like that are rare for me. But semi romantic? I don't consider myself that. If you have two different sexuals, and one wants to have sex all the time and the other doesn't, does that mean that the latter is semi sexual? Or may just have a low sex drive? Some of us develop feelings right away. Some of us don't. Some people are picky/choosy, some aren't. They don't call bisexuals semi-hetero, after all.

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I sort of feel the same I think I want a romanitc relationship but when I actually think about I thinkI would dislike giving up my own freedom nad don't feel emotionally I could really cope with it. I think that's more a fear thing though.

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Yeah, I occasionally daydream about romance like that. But I’d be very hesitant about going into any relationship. I enjoy my independence too much.

(Plus I’d have to find someone who could put up with me) :lol:

Like with most things, I’d say ‘romantic-ness’ is on a sliding scale between romantic and a-romantic and you can be anywhere on that scale. Personally I don’t want romance because I enjoy my independence, but I may well find someone one day who completely bowls me over. So I’d say I tend towards being a-romantic.

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Romance is nice in theory, but it won't work with me. I'm too antisocial, too damned independent, and when it comes to my life, I'm very selfish...MY life. Not sharing. No.

I've considered getting into a relationship before, but I'm just...I don't want to /belong/ to someone. I don't want to be someone's wife, or someone's girlfriend, or someone's mother. I want to be ME, and just ME. If I want to sell all my belongings, buy a pack of huskies, and move to Alaska to live completely off the land, I will do so and I will NOT have anyone tell me "no" because I'm sharing my life with them and they don't want to go.

((Granted, this could all change one day, but as of right now, this is how it stands.))

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That's an interesting idea.

For me, belief in romance as a thing of beauty and allurement is something I've grown out of, the same way I've grown out of watching cartoons.

I am intensely fascinated by romance, but I see it differently now. It seems to be a quirky and irrational kind of thing. I am interested in observing and analysing romantic situations, but to be honest, I can't see myself partaking of it.

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For me, belief in romance as a thing of beauty and allurement is something I've grown out of, the same way I've grown out of watching cartoons.

:shock:

You can't grow out of cartoons!! Really! I mean, there's so much awesome animation out there.

Romance is nice in theory, but it won't work with me. I'm too antisocial, too damned independent, and when it comes to my life, I'm very selfish...MY life. Not sharing. No.

I've considered getting into a relationship before, but I'm just...I don't want to /belong/ to someone. I don't want to be someone's wife, or someone's girlfriend, or someone's mother. I want to be ME, and just ME. If I want to sell all my belongings, buy a pack of huskies, and move to Alaska to live completely off the land, I will do so and I will NOT have anyone tell me "no" because I'm sharing my life with them and they don't want to go.

I'm kind of like that- I don't like the idea of "belonging" to one person and one person only, which seems to be what monogomy is like. However, I'm the kind of person that can't fathom the idea of moving because I have so many commitments to all my friends and family here. I'd hate to leave them.

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Frigid Pink

I like romantic movies (to an extent) and try to imagine myself being romantic, but like most people here, when I am given the opportunity, etc., I turn it down and I actually dislike it. I'm also somewhat confused on how to define romance, but so far in my experience, I'm not one to enjoy holding hands, kisses (closed mouth), or cuddling.

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I'm also somewhat confused on how to define romance, but so far in my experience, I'm not one to enjoy holding hands, kisses (closed mouth), or cuddling.

I'm fine with that, but I don't define that as romance, at least for me.

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Frigid Pink
I'm also somewhat confused on how to define romance, but so far in my experience, I'm not one to enjoy holding hands, kisses (closed mouth), or cuddling.

I'm fine with that, but I don't define that as romance, at least for me.

What do you define as romance? Is it just a certain type of feeling you have for someone?

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I can't really define it for myself... I don't think I have limits with my friendships, emotional or physical, so I can't really differentiate between my relationships with various people. If you're talking about how close you are to someone, than I would just say "This person is one of my closer friends."

There's been a few discussions on romance here, and a few people have mentioned that they would call some moments with friends to be romantic. So maybe close moments with my friends are romantic, although I've always thought of "romance" as a bf/gf situation, which is an alien concept to me, I guess... I've never dated, don't wish to date.

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Frigid Pink

Yeah, I always thought of romance as part of a relationship, but I guess you can have romantic moments with friends. I don't really know---I find the whole idea of romance very confusing. Maybe that is because there are so many different definitions, ideas, perspectives relating to it. It is not one thing, but many---which tends to be confusing.

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Yeah, I always thought of romance as part of a relationship, but I guess you can have romantic moments with friends.

I don't know, while such moment may be extremly emotional, I'm not sure if they count as romantic.

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I don't know, while such moment may be extremly emotional, I'm not sure if they count as romantic.

How do you know if something is romantic?

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I don't know, while such moment may be extremly emotional, I'm not sure if they count as romantic.

How do you know if something is romantic?

Dude, that's a really good question.

Maybe romantic is something everybody defines for themself. I don't know...semantics, darn words that don't always work...

I've always just figured that it sort of meant too-good-to-be-true, almost dreamlike type of relationship with someone who'd do anything for you and you'd do anything for; as far as independence and whatnot, I guess I figured that if you ever felt that way about someone all you'd WANT to do was be with them and there wouldn't be any conflicting interests.

I'm sensing the real world doesn't work like that. (I wouldn't know. I've never been given the opportunity to be in a 'romantic' relationship or really any sort of one-to-one relationship for that matter.)

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Are my actions "aromantic" or could they be a demonstration of a latent fear of commitment?

Could it be possible for one to foster romantic thoughts without truly liking romance, or is it just another form of fearing commitment?

In my very limited experience, and my very limited understanding, 'romance' means the potential to be either extremely happy and comfortable with someone or to have shown that person you at your most vulnerable and have them turn you down (I mean this in an asexual way, ie, you 'feel' something indescribable for them and and when you try to tell them they look at you like you've got horns growing out of your head).

I don't know much about fear of commitment, but a fear of being hurt, that I can understand.

Then again, I'm a hopeless dreamer. I decide what to do/say by imagining the ideal and I always encourage other people to do the same.

Sometimes they get hurt. But they run the risk of being deliriously happy.

Hmmm...maybe that was off topic. Oh well. I hope it helps some.

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The thing that confuses me about romance, and thus, causes me to want to disagree with the friendship thing is the common idea of romance concerns the elevation of one person's status in the mind of another. Therefore when I think of a romantic situation, one party (or both) is valuing the other above all else.

The reason why I think this may not work with friends is that the relationship between friends is more intense than that, and not as easily broken.

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The thing that confuses me about romance, and thus, causes me to want to disagree with the friendship thing is the common idea of romance concerns the elevation of one person's status in the mind of another. Therefore when I think of a romantic situation, one party (or both) is valuing the other above all else.

The reason why I think this may not work with friends is that the relationship between friends is more intense than that, and not as easily broken.

I'm kind of confused here... :? Do you mean that the more intense relationship, which you said was friendship, wouldn't be more valued than the less intense relationship- bf/gf stuff, or romance?

Also- I think a lot of people have the idea that a "romantic" partner would be valued above all else. But, I do know some people who are romantically inclined but still consider their friendships & romantic relationships to be equal in importance.

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I think i have a low romance drive. I don't miss it when it's not there, and I rarely get crushes. But I have one now, and it's great! But when that goes away, then I won't miss it, I think. It's the pattern so far. But then i've only ever had three crushes that I can remember.

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I'm kind of confused here... :? Do you mean that the more intense relationship, which you said was friendship, wouldn't be more valued than the less intense relationship- bf/gf stuff, or romance?

Sorry, I wrote that post in a hurry. I don't mean the relationships themselves, but I was referring more to society. I think friendship is more extensive, and can include more people, but with romance, it's expected that you only act "romantic" towards one person.

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ghosts wrote:

Quote:

I'm also somewhat confused on how to define romance, but so far in my experience, I'm not one to enjoy holding hands, kisses (closed mouth), or cuddling.

I'm fine with that, but I don't define that as romance, at least for me.

What do you define as romance? Is it just a certain type of feeling you have for someone?

Frigid PiNk wrote:

Yeah, I always thought of romance as part of a relationship, but I guess you can have romantic moments with friends.

I don't know, while such moment may be extremly emotional, I'm not sure if they count as romantic.

If you want to go with the straight up dictionary definition of romance it is a passionate and devoted emotional attachment or involvement between people. Under that definition I would suppose that many friendships could contain a romantic element. However back to the subject at hand, I think that having a fear of committment could look like being a romantic but it comes down to how emotional you are about it. If you just aren't interested in romance that's a very different thing from being afraid of where a relationship is going.

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Hmm, I got really confused here. So WHAT then IS a romance? I am really not sure. Dictionary definition doesn't work for me properly. Either calling it "low romantic drive" doesn't work with me well. I dont think about having low romantic drive, I don't imagine myself being the character in romantic movies, I could live without the concept itself, I don't seek relationships one-to- one but when they are to come, I don't object it, but don't consider it necessary "romantic" relationship......... I don't know what to think about it. I mean, I think it makes pretty clear sense when I view them from the anything-romantic person, it quite makes sense, very strong way of closeness and willing to be with the other person maybe till our lives ends, willing to share good and bad, being together. In this sense "romantic" is a relationship that I can imagine continuing to future, to spending whole life together. but this is just one way of my feelings and it doesn't go that simple all. I mean, I really would like to understand what the romance is also intellectually, and intellectually I don't understand.

Maybe we should find more components to "being romantic"? Like "desire to form romantic relationships" " actively seeking romantic relationships" "feeling the need to feel deeply emotionally with significant other" or something like it? But, however, the question still stays: what does the ROMANTIC means here?

Forbiden Fury-san,

with all respect, I really don't think that it is at all possible to compare bisexuality and semi- something here in the way the latte is taken as used improperly. Because when we come to defining of bisexuality, it indeed IS partly being heterosexual in a way. It is semi homosexual and semi heterosexual, or at least from my understanding of a word "bisexual" and from my discussion about it with some friends who consider themselves to be "bisexual". However I think that the whole "bisexual" concept is kind of limited and useful for people who have only two-gender kind of attraction, which, I feel, many people don't fail under. If you'd like to discuss this languaging about sexuality and relationship, I would be glad to do so.

You all are such an interesting bright people... you make me think about things I would never go into pieces about........

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One idea: Sexuals often say that "romantic" stands for relationship in which you feel sexual attraction to someone, when you love him/her/hir and when you have a sex with them. Hmh hmh. If the third thing is missing, they call it "platonic" relationship.

Very informing. *sort of sceptical here*

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One idea: Sexuals often say that "romantic" stands for relationship in which you feel sexual attraction to someone, when you love him/her/hir and when you have a sex with them. Hmh hmh. If the third thing is missing, they call it "platonic" relationship.

Very informing. *sort of sceptical here*

Well that bring up the question of what definiton of love they are operating under. Eros, Philia, Lust...

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