At what age did you perceive your (A)sexual difference?

[skymessenger]

I sort of always knew I was different. 15, I questioned things. At 16, I started researching and looking up answers. That's how I knew I was Ace. (note that age 18, I came out)

[Someone Else]

Maybe I would have figured it out a lot earlier if I'd actually had people pushing me for sex, but instead I only noticed how OTHER people were being treated as attractive and sexy, and noticing that this wasn't happening to me... that might have created an insecurity or a sense of some kind of deficiency in me that partially blinded me to the fact that I didn't even actually really want it in the first place.

[Cyla]

I first considered the idea when I was about 15 or so, but then dismissed it because a close friend I confided in mocked me for it. I knew I was different because when considering dates their looks basically were never factored in - personality was the key always. After years of couples therapy with my husband i have come to the conclusion that i am asexual at the age of 25. I am starting to think I may be demisexual with my husband....but I don't have any sex drive so...yeah. I still am struggling with identifying as demisexual because I am having a hard time differentiating aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction since I have no sex drive. So maybe after some more self exploring I might identify as something different.

[Guest]

15, maybe 14, something like that.

[Guest]

I realized something was different in high school. I could tell I was just not as interested in sex as other kids. But I honestly thought it was because I went through puberty early and was more mature than them.

You know what? I thought that too I wonder if it's a common theme amongst aces unaware of asexuality?

I thought that too!

[thepennydrops]

Wow, I'm jealous of all you teens who have realised this so early on. That makes me feel old (I laugh at my Dad because he doesn't know how to use a computer or the internet, and I feel the tables are turned on me here!) How I wish I'd known so early in my life, to think I might have saved myself so much heartache. From another perspective though, I wonder if it takes my experience and adult perspective to fully understand and accept the realisation as I have. And if I hadn't had the trouble in relationships that I've had, I wouldn't be the person I am now. If you're going to make mistakes, better to do it early, learn from them and move on I suppose.

I'd also like to say at this point that I'm really impressed by how eloquent and intelligent a lot of you teenagers are on this forum, and that I'm really pleased with the welcome everyone is given by other forum members. There is a lot of publicity (in the UK at least) about trolling and online abuse leading to suicides, and unlike every other online forum I've visited, there doesn't seem to be any of the animosity and troublemaking here. I actually had a little weepy moment reading some posts in reply to younger members when I first joined the forum, and my first impression is the fantastic level of support offered to everyone. I am usually a private person, but because of this I feel comfortable enough to share far more than I ordinarily would.

I was 25 (just a few weeks ago) when I came across the definition of asexuality. Before then it was just a biological term for plants and animals reproducing without a partner. Although I've only recently put a name to my feelings, in retrospect I think I was asexual all along, but didn't recognise it because I had mistaken feelings related to my fetish for sexual attraction and had no need to question my feelings. I've never had a positive experience of sex but put that down to the circumstances of the relationship. It was when I had fetish related experience but still no desire for sex that I began to question my reactions.

After a traumatic childhood experience and an abusive teenage relationship, I first looked into counselling for what I thought could just be an emotional block, and then into medical issues. Beyond that I started to wonder if maybe I was lesbian/bi, although I knew that really didn't fit in. It was when I was googling for how to tell if I might be gay ( I really hate to admit to actually doing that, at 25 you'd think I'd know enough by then!) that I came across the definition of asexuality, read more on the AVEN FAQ and the penny dropped (a real *slaps forehead* moment), particularly when I read about asexuality and fetishes. I can't describe how much of a relief that was. I'm not broken and I don't need to be fixed, and best of all I don't need to keep trying unsuccessfully to have sex! I felt embarrassed for so long that I was so inexperienced and just couldn't get the hang of something I felt should be instinctive. Now I know I just don't need to bother.

Considering how much more at ease I've felt since discovering this forum, the definition for my feelings and the fact there are other out there who feel the same, I do wonder how many more of us there are out there who just don't know the term. At first I was a little confused by the link to the LGBT, since I don't compare my asexuality with the issues faced by lesbian, gay bi or transgender people. My asexuality is a personal matter and not really obvious to the outside world, so I don't feel I face the same hardships. However now I am beginning to recognise the value of publicising asexuality as another orientation, even if it just gives people a chance to recognise their feelings as I have. Even better is if people are able to discuss those feelings with like-minded people, and potentially meet a compatible partner if that's what they want.

[RoL34]

I thought everyone thought like I did until I was sixteen when I stopped being able to get my friends' jokes because they were all sex related, nor could I understand why people were sniggering in sex ed or what people saw in oggling other's bodies. But I ended up pushing it out of my mind because I didn't want to admit I was different and I thought one day my sex drive would turn on and I would suddenly get everything.

[mindlife]

From the time I was about 12.

I was interested in romance and relationships.

Later, when I had some idea of what sexual interaction was, and the novelty of physical intimacy had worn off (not long), my asexual identity really hardened.

Its consistency really caught me by surprise.

[greay as ice]

was 22 or 21 I think

I had been aware of asexuality for some time but I never really thought about how it applied to me. I often read about stuff like gender and sexuality so it was inevitably that I would come to aven one day.

then I learned that I am supposed to WANT to have sex, which was mindbuggling to me. I mean, all that sex in televison and movies is just over dramatic stuff and no one really belives it...right?

even now, all these years later, I still have problems getting my head around that fact

[markie]

I have never heard of asexuality until last year (I am 19).

But long before that, I realised I have no interest in sex at all, and thought I am heterosexual. I dont get turned on at all by either men or women.

But anyway, I enjoy being an asexual now, without having to worry about relationships... only problem is that my parents have not got a clue... So I have to 'pretend' to be heterosexual and say things like, "oh she's hot" etc...

Coming from a traditional family, I know my parents won't take it too well if I tell them now... I will leave it as long as I can.

[SquirrelCat]

Around age 11 did I start to perceive what I today realise were the the signs of my Asexuality.
The boys in my class started talking about girls and sex, albeit in a very innocent fashion. It was more in the ways of ridiculous songs/jokes and general curiosity about the female body.
The girls began switching out their pony posters for posters of the "cute guys" from the lastest boyband, and swooning over how adorable they were. They started wearing make up and all that.

Of course these, to me, strange behaviours escalated over the years to come.

While I read books about Astronomy, shook my head at their strange behaviour and refused to give up my Yu-Gi-Oh poster. At one point I thought that some day I'll understand them but now at age 24 I still don't get it.

[Amnesiac]

I was around 13 when I started seeing differences in how I perceived sex, relationships and the opposite sex. About a year later I got a girlfriend, I cared for her, but nothing more than a friend and the whole relationship thing was very uncomfortable for me. I did begin to think I was gay at one point, but I didn't view the same sex in the way I should either. I had a couple more girlfriends in the following years but same thing happened though. I guess the signs were always there, the lack of interest in either gender or sex, but despite not knowing how to refer to it (my school completely ignored anything other than gay or straight when talking about this subject), I guess I was around 15. I only found out about the name for it 2 years ago when I joined this site.

[trumpetchick]

I think I've always known deep down, but I didn't really know there was an actual term for it until a few months ago.

[Whispearl]

It hit me during high school, more and more with each year. By the end of this year all my friends are pining for relationships and talking about their friends who all have sex and all these girls I sat with at lunch because I didn't know anyone else were all talking about sex and stuff like it's the most important thing that ever happened to them. It reached an all new high, that sort of talk, and even if I hadn't heard of asexuality (which also coincidentally happened around the same time) I would've definitely known I was different somehow. So I guess I have high school hormones to thank for helping me come to terms with my asexuality (:

[Fiera]

It's been more recently for me (age 21) that I realized I was asexual, but I'm still a romantic.
I recognize beauty in a person and feel a since of admiration for anyone male or female that looks beautiful.
I just don't understand wanting to do anything with a body, the whole concept has always just seemed so weird to me.
I had a traumatic experience when I was 14 and I guess that's when I started to think that a woman only had sex to please a man.
I didn't realize that I was supposed to have any desire for interaction.
I still don't understand desire.

[Mozambike]

At the age of 14 I think, or was it 15? I just realized that there was something wrong but I didn't know exactly how sexual orientations worked so I couldn't call myself "asexual", I just started to consider myself as a little different than most people in that way... I realized asexuality existed when I was 16 then I just considered myself as asexual.

[Nightshade]

At the age of 14 I think, or was it 15? I just realized that there was something wrong but I didn't know exactly how sexual orientations worked so I couldn't call myself "asexual", I just started to consider myself as a little different than most people in that way... I realized asexuality existed when I was 16 then I just considered myself as asexual.

Yeah, it seems that most people think of the "is something wrong?"

Which is a shame

On another note, I love your avatar

It's such a good anime

[OldFriends4Sale]

well i always knew i was a bit off in the sexual department and a bit slower than the other girls around me lol i wasnt trying to catch a boy really. the thought of having a boyfriend was fun as fantasy but when presented the chance i would run the other direction cause i was generally uninterested. i found out about asexuality when i was 18 and thought "hey thats me..aint it?" but just forgot about it until i kissed a guy i thought i liked and felt absolutely nothing a few months ago. im 20 now and that was kind of scary and i did real research on asexuality and found out its basically what i am. my realization of this has been building up since my late teens really.

[CopyFox]

Hm, I was always very determined to never get married, which set me apart from most of the girls my age. I guess it became really obvious around 10 or 12 when all the other girls wanted to talk about boys and I just wanted to go outside and play on the swingset.

[icelloe]

I guess when I was ten I got bugged for not having crushes. When I was fifteen I accepted it.

[CopyFox]

I realized something was different in high school. I could tell I was just not as interested in sex as other kids. But I honestly thought it was because I went through puberty early and was more mature than them.

You know what? I thought that too I wonder if it's a common theme amongst aces unaware of asexuality?

I thought that too!

I had the opposite: I was a late bloomer, and everyone blamed my disinterest in dating and sex on that. "Give it a few years" everyone would say. It drove me crazy because by the time I was an adult, I'd literally been hearing that for a decade, and still nothing had changed. And now here I am five years later, 23 years old and still with no interest in dating or sex. And I like it that way.

[CeruleanPhoenix1412]

I feel like I've known all along. It's always been kind of subconscious. I just never really thought about having sex. I was well aware of it in my surroundings and in the media, but it never really clicked that I would have it someday. It just never really appealed to me. I started suspecting when I was maybe twelve, but I didn't really get that I was asexual until this year, shortly after my fifteenth birthday. My classmates starting talking more and more about sexual subjects and it just felt uncomfortable to be around it. Relationships have always been more about non-sexual physical contact or emotional connection to me. The sex was just something that I never really wanted to be factored in.

[MaxwellMouse]

I always knew I was different in some way but never realized the extent of it until recently when I discovered I am asexual.

[CeruleanPhoenix1412]

Wow, I'm jealous of all you teens who have realised this so early on. That makes me feel old (I laugh at my Dad because he doesn't know how to use a computer or the internet, and I feel the tables are turned on me here!) How I wish I'd known so early in my life, to think I might have saved myself so much heartache. From another perspective though, I wonder if it takes my experience and adult perspective to fully understand and accept the realisation as I have. And if I hadn't had the trouble in relationships that I've had, I wouldn't be the person I am now. If you're going to make mistakes, better to do it early, learn from them and move on I suppose.

I'd also like to say at this point that I'm really impressed by how eloquent and intelligent a lot of you teenagers are on this forum, and that I'm really pleased with the welcome everyone is given by other forum members. There is a lot of publicity (in the UK at least) about trolling and online abuse leading to suicides, and unlike every other online forum I've visited, there doesn't seem to be any of the animosity and troublemaking here. I actually had a little weepy moment reading some posts in reply to younger members when I first joined the forum, and my first impression is the fantastic level of support offered to everyone. I am usually a private person, but because of this I feel comfortable enough to share far more than I ordinarily would.

I was 25 (just a few weeks ago) when I came across the definition of asexuality. Before then it was just a biological term for plants and animals reproducing without a partner. Although I've only recently put a name to my feelings, in retrospect I think I was asexual all along, but didn't recognise it because I had mistaken feelings related to my fetish for sexual attraction and had no need to question my feelings. I've never had a positive experience of sex but put that down to the circumstances of the relationship. It was when I had fetish related experience but still no desire for sex that I began to question my reactions.

After a traumatic childhood experience and an abusive teenage relationship, I first looked into counselling for what I thought could just be an emotional block, and then into medical issues. Beyond that I started to wonder if maybe I was lesbian/bi, although I knew that really didn't fit in. It was when I was googling for how to tell if I might be gay ( I really hate to admit to actually doing that, at 25 you'd think I'd know enough by then!) that I came across the definition of asexuality, read more on the AVEN FAQ and the penny dropped (a real *slaps forehead* moment), particularly when I read about asexuality and fetishes. I can't describe how much of a relief that was. I'm not broken and I don't need to be fixed, and best of all I don't need to keep trying unsuccessfully to have sex! I felt embarrassed for so long that I was so inexperienced and just couldn't get the hang of something I felt should be instinctive. Now I know I just don't need to bother.

Considering how much more at ease I've felt since discovering this forum, the definition for my feelings and the fact there are other out there who feel the same, I do wonder how many more of us there are out there who just don't know the term. At first I was a little confused by the link to the LGBT, since I don't compare my asexuality with the issues faced by lesbian, gay bi or transgender people. My asexuality is a personal matter and not really obvious to the outside world, so I don't feel I face the same hardships. However now I am beginning to recognise the value of publicising asexuality as another orientation, even if it just gives people a chance to recognise their feelings as I have. Even better is if people are able to discuss those feelings with like-minded people, and potentially meet a compatible partner if that's what they want.

Finding out later in life is perfectly normal as well! I think it's the presence of media that helped a lot of us teenagers figure it out a lot faster. I've seen/read that some asexuals didn't realize that they were asexual until much later on in life. It differs for certain individuals is what I think. Personally, I think there are always some confusions with labels if people aren't just heterosexual or homosexual. The labels extend far beyond just those two and there are so many other labels that people can slap on to explain how they feel or how they look or who they love. 25 is a perfectly normal age to figure things out because you're not a hormonal teenager who wants to experiment with everything and are far more aware of reality and the outside world than people under the age of 18. I determined that I was asexual only this year, and I'm still not sure if it's purely asexual or maybe more graysexual. As long as you're certain who you are and are comfortable with that, I think that's all that matters.

[dashthepony]

I thought I was straight for the longest time. Just thinking about doing it with another guy made me want to puke. But I soon realized that although I got aroused looking at porn and such, I never really wanted to have sex with the models in question. I just wanted to look at them. And I had absolutely no desire to have sex with any girl at my school. The other guys around me kept talking about how "she is so hot" and stuff, and I just never saw that. I mean, maybe if she were naked I could get it up. But I still wouldn't want to have sex with her. It confused the hell out of me for a long time until I finally realized that I was asexual.

[RosettaAce]

I noticed that there was something different at about 13 or 14. All of my friends were talking about dating, and I just didn't get the fascination. I thought at the time it had to do with all the crap I had going on personally (my grandparents lived with us and my grandpa had just past away). Even after things calmed down I just didn't get it. I thought for a while that when the right person came along I would suddenly understand. That didn't happen! At 15-18 I just didn't get why all of my friends were so focused on sex when (I thought) the point of high school was to graduate!

I think I started identifying as bisexual when I was 20, mostly because it felt the least wrong. I didn't learn about asexuality, until I was 22 or 23, my professor mentioned it in passing during a lecture. I remember feeling like I'd just received and electric shock! :lol:

[Almarina]

I think I realized it when I was about 23. I had been trying really hard to like boys like the other girls, but I just couldn't. I even had a boyfriend and I couldn't kiss him or anything. We broke up. Later I saw a LiveJournal post that mentioned asexuality and I did a Google search on it and found this place. It was such a relief to learn that something wasn't wrong with me.

[Friend Without Benefits]

Recently. And I'm in my forties.

Honestly, my timeline starts in Junior High. I remember a sleepover where all the other girls said they wondered what sex felt like and I realized, in that second, that I'd never ever wondered about it. I also decided, in that same second, that until I figured things out, I was just going to pass, so I joined in the conversation, and pretended sex was on my mind as well.

I probably would have gotten on the asexual train a lot sooner, were it not for a sexual-ish experience in my late 20s (I think). I met a guy at a friend's wedding, and we really clicked, so I went up to his room. We continued clicking in a "third base" sort of way, an experience I found pleasurable. And I thought, "Thank God! I'm normal!" (Although I did, at the time, prevent the occasion from becoming a home run.)

This one experience supported my denial through at least another decade. I mean, perhaps I had a really low sex-drive and was very choosy, but since I could appreciate sexual stimulation, I was, in fact, a perfectly normal straight person, right? RIGHT??

Yeah, not so right. A decade of failed dating relationships (which I tended to end when they were becoming anywhere near sexual) and a general acceptance of the fact that I'd been "passing" for so long it was second-nature, but I was still passing suggested I re-evaluate. Funny enough, one of the things that got me there was a complete and utter failure to comprehend infidelity. (Particularly on the part of politicians.) I could not get my brain around why all of these people who were in committed relationships and certainly knew better than to mess around were actually messing around. Because, for me, the commitment to another person is basically one you make with your head and heart, and I didn't have any concept of how your genitals might pull you in another direction.

I finally came around to it when I went on a date with a guy (from a dating site) who'd said he'd been messaged by a woman (on said dating site) who said she was in a committed relationship with an asexual man so was looking for some sex on the side to satisfy her own desires. (Which, yeah, totally sounded like a line, but still.) And my gut reaction to that was to feel totally offended that this sexual woman had "stolen" a perfectly good asexual man from the market, and didn't even appreciate him. I actually thought that I wanted to find myself an asexual man before I admitted that I was asexual myself -- but the one followed close on the heels of the other.

Still not totally out; still passing as a matter of course, although I have to admit that I'm getting more and more annoyed by the lying, and will probably give it up, sooner or later.

[enjolras]

around age 16, I think. I knew I didn't get crushes or whatever before then, too, but I had always figured I just had really high standards

[Awren]

I realized during my early teen years, although I didn't label myself asexual until my late 20s, and didn't realize that label was becoming an accepted option for sexual orientation until a few days ago.