Sexual-Asexual Relationship; vague questions about sexuality, libido, and sexual attraction

[& I'm a heretic]

(TMI) My boyfriend accepts that I'm ace. He doesn't even really care too much for it himself. He thinks it's nice, but he doesn't mind if he has it or doesn't. He also really loves that I'm ace and we don't have sex. I know that a lot of aces only like to go as far as closed mouth kissing. With my previous boyfriends, I enjoyed making out. With my current boyfriend, things are a lot more intense. I still enjoy everything we do, so it's not out of my comfort zone. We make out and kiss and bite each others necks and collar bones. He kisses my stomach and a little bit of my chest. He runs his hands along my side and stomach and back, down my legs. Our legs sort of tangle. I run my hands along his side and back. He gets on top of me or I get on top of him. Recently, we've done more and there's...thrusting. He usually has his shirt off and I have a tank top. A couple days ago for reasons he had his pants off (underwear on) (and shirt off), and I had my shirt off (bra and shorts on). He (being sexual) gets turned on and all and we've had to stop before, but he's learned how to control those feelings now. I don't get turned on or desire sex or anything from it, but I do still enjoy all of it. I don't plan on more clothing coming off in the future than what did the last time.

We had a talk the other day and he explained a lot if things about sex to me. He does understand me, but he wants to better. He wants to learn what works for me and what doesn't. But I can't really answer all his questions. I have no doubt about being ace, but one of his questions is sort of how I differentiate from a sexual person who just doesn't really care for sex. He also brings up how I haven't had sex before.

So I guess what I'm asking is: Where is the line of asexual vs. sexual? How much does libido affect lack of sexuality (considering that I have no libido)? What's the differentiation between sexual attraction and sexual desire?

I'm really looking for any input. I don't need only those questions answered.

Also, please note that my boyfriend is not and will not pressure me into sex. He's perfectly fine with us not having it, actually likes that.

[Guest]

It's good that your partner understands you and won't pressure you into anything :) I used to be with a sexual person and we did stuff like what you mentioned, too, and I never saw it as anything that had to lead to sexual intercourse (which we never had).

Now, to your questions: libido doesn't affect lack of sexuality. Some asexuals have a high libido, some sexuals have no libido at all. The distinction between sexual attraction and sexual desire is basically that with sexual attraction, you get sexual urges towards a specific person, whilst sexual desire is more abstract, like "oh, I would really like to have sex with someone right now".

If you don't experience sexual attraction, you'd be asexual by definition, regardless of your libido and desire. However, it's up to you to decide whether the label applies to you or not, at any given time.

[Alkamar]

Well put, SilverKitsu. I agree.

I can find a person sexy-looking, but will not feel sexually attracted. Their sexiness is not sexually arousing for me.

Should point out, I am non-romantic asexual. No desire for sex and very limited desire for physical contact.

Romantic, for me, would be sitting side-by-side while fishing off the same riverbank. Not talking.