Do You Look Asexual?

[dejectedlemon]

my views are, maybe.

[TripleA]

No. Just withdrawn from societies norms.

[TophatsTruly]

Due to some of my odder mannerisms, flamboyant manner in dressing, odd bodily proportions and feminine facial features, many assume that I am at the very least not a heterosexual, but nobody has ever guessed asexual the first time around.

[Member4445]

Nah. I dont look asexual. I look like a cactus dressed as a loaf of bread.

[Janus the Fox]

A cactus dressed as a loaf of bread.

Somebody draw this :o

[Veeri]

Whenever I cut my hair short, people tell me I look butch. Most people I know don't even know that asexual is a thing, though, let alone that it might have any sort of look.

[marki]

For some odd reason I am always having people mistake me as a girl in shops and on the phone...not too sure why though (see above post for my look) although my voice is a tiny bit high pitched. Although many times I will have my back to someone and they will address me as a girl before I even say a word and then I turn around and give them the stare of death. Is that something others experience too?

[LostYooper]

Although many times I will have my back to someone and they will address me as a girl before I even say a word and then I turn around and give them the stare of death. Is that something others experience too?

I still get mistaken for a guy sometimes, though much less frequently now that I'm wearing my hair longer again. I don't even have very masculine features...it's just my mannerisms and clothing style.

Along those lines, I'm not sure there is a completely distinguishable asexual look. I dress about the least feminine and "sexy" one could imagine, and I have never been identified as an asexual right off the bat; I usually get lesbian before anything else.

Then again, I still sometimes get approached by lesbians and straight dudes, so maybe I'm just not giving off that vibe some of you have talked about.

[gymgirl]

I do not think "the" asexual look exists. Some people, however, subconsciously send out signals in their behaviour, manner of speaking and such, concerning their (a)sexual status.

That said, I know the situation you mention very well, and looks certainly play a role. People always readily assume that I have no sexuality. I am never asked about my partner, having children, marriage status and such things, even in social contexts where such personal matters are occasionally talked about. On one side I think I am sending out those "asexual vibes" very strongly. Someone said I was "radiating demure prudery and girlish innocence" :redface: . On the other side I look much, much younger than I am, including my body shape (very petite, completely flat chest) and my clothing is very modest and plain, somehow rather girlish, too.

Imagine the surprise :) if somehow my girlfriend is mentioned, and the fact that we since many years live in a permanent (hopefully lifelong) lesbian relationship. Which is absolutely asexual, but of course they do not know that, so their world view sometimes is a bit shaken ;)

[DriftingOn]

A lot of people I meet tend to think I'm gay. I don't think I hit many of the stereotypes, beyond wearing boxer briefs (and I don't make a habit of showing them in public), but quite a few people still think it. Generally I prefer long shorts or pants, because I'm ridiculously hairy and I don't think I could keep up with shaving my legs well enough to satisfy myself. Well... Self-conscious about my legs... I guess that could be another thing people pick up on. Ah well.

I also have a very dirty sense of humor and, coupled with the fact that I'm a romantic, I think that gives people the impression that I'm not asexual. As a matter of fact, my asexuality is more of an internal thing, and the only time it would ever really become an issue would be if somebody approached me for casual sex or a friends-with-benefits type deal, both of which are repulsive to me.

Edit: I've had people tell me that I have a lot of feminine qualities as well. My sister constantly teases me about wearing women's jeans (YOU try finding 30/36 jeans in men's clothing. Women's pants are slimmer so they don't fall off, and still long enough that they don't rise past my ankles) and my friend is sculpting my face for one of her classes, and until she started on my hair everybody thought she was working on a woman's head. So I've had people think I'm gay, and others think I was a woman. It's actually quite amusing sometimes.

[Xavy]

I have a very small body frame and I am bone thin, so i guess i am naturally unappealing sexually, and that ks compounded by the fact that I would wear black jean and black tees 24/7 if I could, I drive a very bland and unappealing car, I don't care for jewelry, I go for functionality over fashion in just about everything, and I become very quiet and noticably uncomfortable when the topic of sex comes up. To sum it up, I definitely don't look and behave sexually, so in that sense, I think I do come off as asexual, but since "asexual" is generally Not a very common expression, i think few people would use that word to describe me.

[Plus]

A lot of people I meet tend to think I'm gay. I don't think I hit many of the stereotypes, beyond wearing boxer briefs (and I don't make a habit of showing them in public), but quite a few people still think it. Generally I prefer long shorts or pants, because I'm ridiculously hairy and I don't think I could keep up with shaving my legs well enough to satisfy myself. Well... Self-conscious about my legs... I guess that could be another thing people pick up on. Ah well.

I also have a very dirty sense of humor and, coupled with the fact that I'm a romantic, I think that gives people the impression that I'm not asexual. As a matter of fact, my asexuality is more of an internal thing, and the only time it would ever really become an issue would be if somebody approached me for casual sex or a friends-with-benefits type deal, both of which are repulsive to me.

Edit: I've had people tell me that I have a lot of feminine qualities as well. My sister constantly teases me about wearing women's jeans (YOU try finding 30/36 jeans in men's clothing. Women's pants are slimmer so they don't fall off, and still long enough that they don't rise past my ankles) and my friend is sculpting my face for one of her classes, and until she started on my hair everybody thought she was working on a woman's head. So I've had people think I'm gay, and others think I was a woman. It's actually quite amusing sometimes.

Is boxer briefs is a gay stereotype that would explain so much.

[Jockey]

Because I am often perceived as disabled, and other times as gay, people often prefer to imagine that I am not sexually active, without assuming that I am actually asexual.

[Senseofwonder94]

I usually dress in some very old-fashioned style, like someone from 1974 or so. I don´t really know why, I just like that kind of style and it makes me feel comfortable. I own exactly 4 pairs of shoes and I wear them depening on the weather. I don´t wear make-up or fancy jewellery, I don´t even use artificial perfume (but sometimes I like to use some own perfume recipes). I don´t like to wear low-cut or revealing stuff either, though sometimes I need a little bit of light and air on my skin. Just for me, not for any guys.

So combined with my odd and bookworm-ish personality, I should give of a rather asexual vibe. But for some strange reason, my appearance still seems to push the right (or wrong?) buttons with some guys. A female friend once told me that my old-fashioned style, strange interests, and difference from others makes me on the contrary especially interesting to lots of guys because of the "mysteriousness factor" or something like that.

So what can a girl do? If you dress modern and revealing, guys will think you are hot and sexy. If you dress old-fashioned and weird, guys will think you are mysterious and still sexy ;).

Sophie

[Plus]

I usually dress in some very old-fashioned style, like someone from 1974 or so. I don´t really know why, I just like that kind of style and it makes me feel comfortable. I own exactly 4 pairs of shoes and I wear them depening on the weather. I don´t wear make-up or fancy jewellery, I don´t even use artificial perfume (but sometimes I like to use some own perfume recipes). I don´t like to wear low-cut or revealing stuff either, though sometimes I need a little bit of light and air on my skin. Just for me, not for any guys.

So combined with my odd and bookworm-ish personality, I should give of a rather asexual vibe. But for some strange reason, my appearance still seems to push the right (or wrong?) buttons with some guys. A female friend once told me that my old-fashioned style, strange interests, and difference from others makes me on the contrary especially interesting to lots of guys because of the "mysteriousness factor" or something like that.

So what can a girl do? If you dress modern and revealing, guys will think you are hot and sexy. If you dress old-fashioned and weird, guys will think you are mysterious and still sexy ;).

Sophie

That sounds harsh. But don't do anything you don't want to do or are uncomfortable with.

[Senseofwonder94]

I didn´t mean to sound harsh. Blame it on my clumsy English. What I meant is: sometimes it seems to be pretty difficult for a girl to look "unsexy" or asexual because some guys will always find something about her appearance that can be considered as "sexy" by them. I will certainly not change the way I dress because it is part of who I am.

Sophie

[ilovecats]

I do not follow fashion, in fact I try to avoid it as the plague, so it´s very annoying when black and skulls suddenly becomes fashionable .

I wear jeans and a T-shirt/jumper/hoodie and van/converse/military boots type shoes all year around, mainly black tops with some either weird picture or phrase or cats of course. Don´t wear skirts, don´t like´em, plus when I was younger all the boys keept looking up my skirt when trying to play football (soccer)so I decided I wasn´t going to stop playing and a might as well stop with the skirts. Don´t do make up, and I keep getting told I look great without it ^^

For work I sadly have to wear a suit but I make sure that my shirt is always a bright unusual colour or my earrings say something fun on them :P

So to summarize, I´ve been told I look goth, emo, biker, skater, "different", a lesbian, or just plain weird XD

[DriftingOn]

Is boxer briefs is a gay stereotype that would explain so much.

I think so. I've heard it a few times, along with my father's incessant complaints about how much better it is to go "free-ballin" in boxers or commando.

Additionally, I hate many of the "manly" stereotypes as well. It seems as thought you're not supposed to look like you care about your look, but that nonchalant façade has to be meticulously maintained. I hate sports with a passion, I have no problem asking for directions, I cross my legs when I sit down (half the time I have a rather feminine posture, probably another reason people think I'm gay), and more besides.

[No Fate]

Well, I'm incel rather than asexual, but I don't look incel.

I look like a perfectly casual guy with a normal sex life... You'd never know that it's good old No Fate you're speaking to if you ran into me on the street ;)

[DotCom]

For me it's always been "Dressing nice but not to impress." I always wear clean clothes and even iron my jeans, but I try to find a total lack of style in my dress.

[Plus]

Is boxer briefs is a gay stereotype that would explain so much.

I think so. I've heard it a few times, along with my father's incessant complaints about how much better it is to go "free-ballin" in boxers or commando.

Additionally, I hate many of the "manly" stereotypes as well. It seems as thought you're not supposed to look like you care about your look, but that nonchalant façade has to be meticulously maintained. I hate sports with a passion, I have no problem asking for directions, I cross my legs when I sit down (half the time I have a rather feminine posture, probably another reason people think I'm gay), and more besides.

Well, okay, that's like saying only ho's wear thongs, my Mother wears thongs. Aint she is no ho.

[afrozenwhore]

I dress for me and without intending to attract anyone but I guess you would say my style is attractive to others. I'm a fake tan, fake eyelashes, skirts and dresses kind of girl. I'm 5'11 so my skirts are always short (without being indecent, of course), because they simply don't make them any longer for my size and style. Although, I always wear combat boots so that's a little less girly :). My outer style is not congruent with my inner person though. I have been told that I look 'cool' and I am definitely far from it!

I do agree about the vibes. I've been told that I seem snobby or bitchy when I'm out at pubs or bars, I guess because I'm not interested in talking to drunken idiots who only want to grind up on you.

[SpiritBunny80]

I think my body language indicates my asexuality.

[TheOneCoveredInGlitter]

Honestly, a lot of stereotypes have half a grain of truth to them. I have noticed that most of the asexual women I know take their appearance less seriously (i.e. not spending half an hour doing their hair in the morning before high school, not liking to wear heels, being comfortable going out in sweat pants). I think that's fantastic!

As for me, it's a mixed reaction. No one who knows me well is surprised to find out that I'm an ace, because I give off an innocent vibe (sexual jokes usually go right over my head), I rarely experience aesthetic attraction (most men look the same to me), and because sexuality overall is something that I just don't understand.

People who don't know me very well assume I'm very hetero, bi, or even pansexual. About half of my friends are lesbians, so a lot of people incorrectly (and sadly) assume that in order to be friends with lesbians I must have to be one as well. However, I've also dated a lot of men, which is where the bisexual or pan assumption comes in.

The reason why people think I'm very sexual and not just mildly sexual is because I'm very romantic, and also very affectionate, even with other women. (i.e., I'm not afraid to skip down the hallway at school holding hands with one of my lesbian friends)

I also tend to dress nicely, and because I'm a large person with big boobs I have a hard time finding shirts that are pretty and still cover them up. Sometimes my shirts and dresses show a little more cleavage than I would prefer, but I have a hard time finding clothes in general, so I'm happy just to get something that is flattering at all. Some people interpret this as a sign that I'm on the prowl, though.

[WittyUsername]

As asexuality becomes more well-known, I wonder if it'll be assigned any particular stereotypical look; like gay men are expected to be effeminate. :o

[marki]

Crossing legs isn't a manly thing to do? My legs are crossed right now! Oh snap!

[belovedless]

I rarely wear tight-fitting clothes and usually like to be covered than uncovered, but still, I don't "look" asexual. Most people think of me as a very sexual, flirtatious girl, even though I'm not particularly rambunctious. I think it's my voice. I don't have an asexual voice. ;)

[Perkins]

/

[Panacea]

I get told that I look like I spend a lot of time alone.

I don't really know what that means or how to take it, but I get it often hahaha.

[Oasis]

I look gay but act like an ace. I don't know what "looking gay" even means but I've been asked if I am a lot and sometimes simply assumed to be. I act like an ace because I tend to favor activities that involve the mind rather than the body, which is apparently an ace stereotype.